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Author Topic: Shrek/Stay(The)Night  (Read 2683 times)

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Offline Coldmiser8675

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« on: January 19, 2017, 10:10:09 PM »

A Shrek and Fate/StayNight fanfiction

Lord Farquaad is in dire need to travel to the vast world of Fiore, and will do anything to achieve it, even turning himself into a heroic spirit and try to win the holy grail! It's up to the great ogre Shrek, and his new friends Emiya Shirou, Saber, Tohsaka Rin, and Illya to stop him and the other servants, and win the grail war!

What relationships will be encountered? What battles will be hard fought? Who will die?

I do not own any of the characters, settings, nada.

Lord Farquaad strode through the dark hallway of the prison cells, head held high, a cruel smirk on his pale features. He approached two wooden double doors at the end of his damp, cement surroundings, which were strictly guarded by tall, motionless knights in armour, then he came to a stop. Expectedly, the guards cleared away and bowed as their short-tempered(and sized) lord continued past them and through the doors.

He laughed maniacally entering a spacious room, with instruments of torture decorating its walls. Spears, morning stars, black rubber gloves, swords, daggers, all gave the room an image of dread and malice. He walked up to a long metal table planted in the middle of the space. A bright, scorching spotlight shined from right above it with white, blinding light.

Upon the table, cuffed from paws to hind paws, a small blue cat, with wide, innocent eyes, and beautiful white wings on its back. Farquaad realized that he was too short to reach the table, and so, coughed,”ahem!” and immediately the table lowered to the point where he could look down at his captive.

“The three little kittens, they lost their mittens, and they began to cry!” Farquaad sang cruelly as he took a cup of ice water from the table, then poured it on the cat.

The cat named Happy coughed and gagged, then shivered violently, for it was already really cold in here.

“I’m not...a kitten! I’m a dragon! A-and there’s only one of me here, not three!”

“Shut up!” Farquaad barked, and with a violent movement, he slapped the cat across the face.

“You’ll...you’ll…” Happy shivered, “you’ll pay for this! Natsu...and the others...they will...find me..”

Farquaad laughed aloud, “You fool! They are exactly what I’m after! Their guild, your world…” He leaned in close, his face inches from the feline’s. “Now tell me, where are they!? Where is the gateway into your world, so I may rule it with a noble fist!”

“Bite me!” Happy snapped, and spit into Lord Farquaad’s face. The short lord of Dulock steamed.

“ I try to be fair in this game of capture, but my patience is wearing thin! Tell me now, or I’ll…” And he leaned in close again, this time grabbing one of the dragon-cat’s wings. “I’ll rip these wings off!”

“I’ll never tell you! Wings mean nothing to me when it comes to the safety of my friends and my home!”
Farquaad growled in frustration. There was no way this cat would talk. Everyone in the kingdom of Fiore was all, “Friendships and love,” a weak, flawed way of living. Farquaad was craving most definitely to destroy it, and build a bigger, better, more perfect kingdom. To increase Duloc into an empire!

The double doors banged open, and a knight stepped in.

“My lord, they have it! It’s here!”

Farquaad’s frustrated snarl turned into a face of delight.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Bring it in!”

In minutes, two knights entered the room carrying a gold, oval mirror, its glass reflecting off nothing but darkness. They had brought it before their lord, then set it down cinematically. The black glass suddenly filled up with white smoke, which twirled and spun until taking a solid shape of what looked to be a cinema mask. It stared back at lord Farquaad, its white featureless face emitting surprise.

“Magic...mirror,” said Farquaad enthusiastically. He turned to the guards, “Bring forth the cat!”

Immediately the guards scrambled to the long table, unhooked the cuffs, and brought the weak Happy forth, in front of the mirror.

“Mirror, mirror, on the wall, tell me where it is, the greatest land of them all! I have something that will spark your memory!”

The face of the magic mirror scrutinized the cat, then, sighing ruefully, he set the whole mirror glass into white fog once more. After a short moment it evaporated, and a bright, colorful image was projected. Beautiful looking people with big breasts, busy markets, high mountains, majestic seas, and the Fairy Tail guild headquarters.

“This is it!” Farquaad shouted excitedly. He rushed over to the mirror, placed his hands on the image, his face eagerly looking around, taking in every detail of the kingdom he desires to conquer. “How do I get there, mirror? Show me the way, so I can lead my unstoppable army onto its grass!”

Suddenly the image of Fiore was clouded in a white haze, then swirled back into the ghostly face of the mirror once again.

“Well, my lord, you cannot get to it, for there is no way you can.”

Farquaad raised an eyebrow, then turned his head to a bulky shadow standing by the torture table.

“Thelonious.” He said simply.

Thelonious, the brute executioner, masked and clad in black, understood, and before him held a hand mirror, which he presumed to strike with a clenched fist. The glass shattered into tiny, glittering fragments, and its crashing noise echoed across the room.

The magic mirror’s expression turned to one of horror.

“Go on,” said Farquaad, a smirk played about his face.

“I--uh, well you can’t go, yet, that is..” said the mirror, “Not until you become...a heroic spirit.”

“A what?” said Farquaad, displeased by this answer.

“A heroic spirit,” replied the mirror. “One used to summon in a Holy Grail War, in a completely different universe.”

Farquaad growled, “A Holy Grail War?! A different Universe?! What is this nonsense you blabber from your glass mouth!? You dare lie to me, Lord Farquaad? Ruler of the great Duloc, the perfect world?”

He grabbed the weak cat held beside him by the neck, and raised him to the mirror like a prized chicken.

“This insolent creature can come and go as he pleases, and yet I cannot? What is this?! Tell me, or I’ll shatter you!”

“That is a majestic dragon you have there!” The mirror replied, panicked. “He can come and go to many universes, because he himself holds a power that allows him to do so!”

“Then give me this power!” Farquaad demanded.

“ I cannot! Please, I’m telling you, I can’t! I’m not able! But I can tell you how to get it yourself! It was the point I was making about Heroic spirits…”

Thelonious stepped forward.

“Shall I break him, my lord?”

But Farquaad didn’t answer. He went into thought, hand under his chin. Everybody went silent, even Happy, who was still being choked in the lord’s grasp. Suddenly, he raised up his hand, and grinned.

“No, you shall not. We will hear what this mirror has to say.”

The mirror sighed in relief.

“Thank you, my lord,” he said, “I will tell you, when you become a Heroic spirit, you’ll be able to travel through many universes, and rule them all!”

“That will be determined,” said Lord Farquaad. “Now, how do I become this, ‘Heroic Spirit’”?

“Well, just being a heroic spirit won’t cut it,” The mirror said, then, eyes fearful of the lord’s frown, he blurted out, “ I mean, you’ll have to win the Holy Grail War, of course! You will, in fact,  have power to that of a magical warrior, but you will not be allowed to freely roam through different universes until you win the--.”

“Just tell me how I become one, and we’ll work from there.” said Farquaad sharply, impatience growing.

“...Very well,” and the mirror shifted once more into another image, this time of a vast cornfield, a sea of bright green. However, in the center of it all was a circular patch of dirt, bare of any corn stalks.

“This circle is where you must travel to,” continued the mirror, “and standing in it, you must state your name, worth, and power. Only then will the universal gods decide if you are worthy of being a heroic spirit.”

“Oh they will recognize me as such,” said Farquaad, “for I am the strongest, most powerful lord of them all!” he turned away from the mirror, at his henchmen. “Now, send up dozens of guards to assemble at the castle gates! We’re going to have a field trip!”

As the guards scrambled to call upon others, lord Farquaad let out the most wicked grin of satisfaction.

~ ~ ~

“On the road again, yeah I’m finally on the road again!” Donkey sang as the two of them walked along through the labyrinth of corn stalks. His long, charcoal colored tail swung happily behind him, this way and that. His long ears and thin black mane brushed against the numerous corn leaves. “Come on, Shrek! Sing it with me!”

The bulky green ogre walking ahead groaned with annoyance. His two antennae-like ears were ringing from the ass’s sing-song voice since they had departed. At first Shrek had brushed it off, hoping that if he ignored him, he’d tire out and stop. Boy, was he wrong. His crocodile skin vest was getting worn against the stalks, the dirty white shirt underneath becoming coated in wet grass and soil stains. You’d think that, because he was an ogre, he wouldn’t mind this. Well, actually, he hated it. This was a different kind of filthy, a clean, pretty, unswamp-like filthy.

  He only cared for the filth of his glorious swamp. So with all this in his mind, he turned on his heel at the yapping donkey and shouted,


Donkey shut up immediately, his long ears down and scared from the sudden outburst. But as Shrek sighed and continued on, Donkey perked up once again.

“Come on, Shrek, I’m just trying to lighten the mood. It’s a long walk to Duloc, and I just want to make it a little fun!”

“Ye can make it fun by shutting up!” Shrek shouted.

They brushed straight through multifolds of stalks, leaving a trail of them bent and crushed in their wake. And then, suddenly and unexpected to both of them, they broke through to an open space. It expanded to only the shape of a large circle, but the ground was clear of any bits of corn or other vegetation. There was only rich brown dirt. The two travelers stopped at the rim of the opening, staring in surprise at what was before them. But as Shrek’s eyes noticed Donkey’s similar expression of surprise, he began to laugh.

“Is this Duloc?” the ogre mused, “A little smaller than I expected, and a little bare.” He continued on, stepping forth on the dark brown soil. Donkey stayed back, and cried out,

“Shrek! Come back! I’ve heard about these things! They’re signs from aliens! This is how they mark their territory! Shraaaaaek!”

“Oh, come on, Dohnkey. I’m more scarier than anything from outer space. Dohn’t be a scared little ass.”

As Shrek began walking towards the center of the dirt circle, the stalks ahead began shuffling movement. The ogre stopped in his tracks, his eyes trained with an acute sense of alert. He had gained these skills as a young ogre, always cautious in case his father would attempt another plan to eat him by surprise. Thankfully, his father was dead.
“I told you Shrek!” Donkey cried out, “Come back! Run for it!”

But Shrek stood his ground, his ogre eyes that could make damsels faint were narrowed at the shuffling corn stalks. Soon, the tall green leaves formed silhouettes, and then, trotting horses emerged, ridden by knights in silver armour. Dozens crashed through the stalks, and gathered at nearly half of the circle’s edge. Held up high by some of these knights were blue banners with a fancy, “f”. In the middle of this aligned force,  a man on a black horse with raven hair curled to the bottom to his jaw. He was the only man not wearing a helmet, but was attired in full silver armour. His chiseled features gave the ogre a sneer.

“What is this ugly creature doing out here?” He snarled.

Shrek met the lord’s leer with an even greater one of his own.

“Oh, come on, that’s not nice,” he replied, then he turned to Donkey who was whimpering behind him at the circle’s edge. “It’s just a dohnkey.”

“Indeed,” said lord Farquaad, not taking any amusement. He turned his head to the dozens of men. “Guards! First order of business! Kill the ogre, and then we shall commence the ceremonial vows. Have at him!”

The knights kicked their horses to advance. Shrek started backing away, his arms in the air amusingly.

“Oh, come on. Can’t we just settle this over a pint?”

The guards didn’t falter. They were gaining in on him, cornering the two against the stalks. But Shrek wasn’t going to go down that easily. As he backed up against the corn, he turned to Donkey and said,

“Get ready, Dohnkey.”

“Get ready for wha--” But before Donkey could finish his question, Shrek grabbed him with his powerful ogre hands and threw him against a closing knight, knocking him off and sending him thudding against the ground.

All the knights charged now, faster, as if entering a battle in war. But Shrek ran past with the split second of surprise they all had of their fallen comrade. He picked up the knight's sword, and in a swift, strong movement, swung its butt against the back of another knight’s head. The skull rattled within the helmet, and the knight fell forward off the horse. Shrek kicked it in the rear, and the horse jimmied and ran wildly, knocking against the others, causing their horses to go out of control also. Lord Farquaad watched this all unfold, his face contorted in absolute anger.

Meanwhile, captive down below and beside the lord, was the magic mirror. The white face in the glass looked on at the ogre with fascination.  Shrek charged through the chaos, slamming into disoriented knights; throwing some over his shoulder; he grabbed two and squeezed them into the tightest headlocks imaginable. Donkey was even kicking some fallen ones in the head.

“What strength,” breathed the magic mirror. And suddenly, an idea popped into his head. Farquaad was going to get the power eventually; he was worthy enough, for the evil lord had already caused a lot of catastrophes, and currently rules over many creatures and people. But this ogre, if he’s strong enough to take on this many knights, then perhaps…

More knights emerged from the corn stalks, all on horses, and they charged through. The ogre was going to be overwhelmed.

“Kill it!” Farquaad shouted, his face red hot. Nearly all the dozen guards were beaten down.

“Ogre! Step into the middle of the space!” The mirror cried, “Hurry!”

Shrek was sending five fallen knights down, charging airplane style, when he heard the mirror’s request.

Farquaad looked to the mirror, eyebrows furrowed,

“How dare you betray me!” he barked.

“Hurry!” cried the mirror.

Shrek scanned his surroundings. The knights were charging from all around. He bolted and dove past, through an opening, nearly taking a spear to the head. He took a tumble on the dirt on his big belly, but quickly he brought himself up, and leapt to the middle of the space.

“Oh Götter von alters, richten Sie und prüfen Sie für einen Diener des Grals,” murmured the mirror.

Suddenly the dirt below Shrek’s feet carved a circle around him, and a blinding flash secluded him from the knights. He was trapped in a wall of bright fire.

The knights ordered their horses back. Farquaad shielded his eyes from the blinding phenomenon.

“What is this?! He shouted.

The mirror smiled, but it was too soon. Now came the test.

The fire swirled around the ogre, coiling around his feet. Then in one fell swoop, he was hoisted in the air by the rising fires. The blue sky transformed into an intense, fiery orange.

“State your name,” boomed a loud, masculine voice from the sky. “ Those who purpose to serve in the Grail War must state their status and power.”

“Grail war?” said Shrek, “What grail war?”

“It is the ultimate quest heroic spirits take to gain the ultimate wish from the grail.” replied the voice.

“A quest? I’m already on a quest! A quest to get ma swahmp back!”

The mirror’s hopeful face transitioned into fear. This could be over very soon, for one must be willing to take the role of a heroic spirit.

“Your backbone to talk back to me…” said the booming voice of the fiery sky, “I am quite impressed. What is your name?”

“Uh, Shrek,” answered the ogre.

“Shrek,” repeated the voice. “I’ll tell you what, if you join in this grail war, and win, we will give you your swamp back.”

“Exactly the way it was?”

“Uh, yes.”

“And the squatters?”

“Um, as good as gone! What do you say?”

Shrek scrutinized the sky, trying to get an idea of what body this booming voice could belong to. And then, finally, he said,

“What kind of ultimate quest?”

~ ~ ~

Emiya Shirou awoke from the cold slumber of death. His head felt like it was spinning, and for a moment, he couldn’t even remember where and who he was. But as his vision slowly steadied itself, showing him the surroundings of his school hallway in the shade of night, he picked up everything. He staggered himself to his feet, then took a glimpse of the floor, which was coated in blood...his blood.

“No...is that...my blood?” he looked down at his ruined school uniform, remembering that he had been stabbed in the chest. “Wait, my chest...my heart...I should be...” He looked again to the floor, at all the blood. “Damn, it’s like a murder scene in here.” Still a bit dizzy, he walked over to the nearest classroom, supplied himself with cleaning supplies, and then went back and scrubbed the floor clean. It just wasn’t right to get the school floor all messy.

It all felt like a dream, that his current surroundings him would just evaporate and he’d wake up. Shirou exited the school, staggering all the way back to his house. When he finally made it to his kitchen, he collapsed on the floor. His heart, which was suppose to have been pierced and dead, pounded in his chest. It felt warm, but with each pound against his ribcage came the sharp pain casted by a red lance.


Shirou couldn’t close his eyes, couldn’t just slumber peacefully, for it still felt like there was a hole in his chest. 

“I have to get up. Go to my room.”

Suddenly he sensed an intruder with his mage powers. They were approaching at a fast rate, and it sparked enough energy for Shirou to bolt back upright, and scan around for a weapon. There was nothing but a poster from Fugi-ne.

“I guess this will have to do,” and he grabbed it, said his famous words, “trace, on!” and immediately it turned as hard as steel. Not perfect, but a good enough weapon to get him to the shed, where possibly much more weapons could be made…

Suddenly a figure came from above, and through sheer instinct Shirou stepped away and swung his weapon for the block. There came a sharp, “clang!”, a show of sparks, and Shirou was surprised to still be alive.

“It worked!” Shirou said, holding up his steel poster.  But his eyes widened in fearful surprise at the intruder before him. The tall man with dark blue hair, clad in blue, wielding a red lance.

“So,” said the man in blue, his face passive, “you’re still alive.”

Shirou readied himself in a fighting position, his weapon held out before him. The man with the lance did the same, but in a blur of beautiful movement, thrust his lance for the boy’s head.

Whether it was from his trace powers still functioning, or some other force entirely, Shirou managed to block that attack too. In fact, the block was such a surprise to the lancer that it had knocked the lance out of his grip.

“Ha!” laughed Shirou triumphantly.

But that was short-lived, as the lancer struck him with a powerful round house, and he went crashing out a window, rolling onto his expanse of lawn.

“I underestimated you, runt.” said the lancer, then his voice disappeared.

Shirou used this as a time to escape, to retreat to the shed in search of a weapon.

But he only managed to barge himself in through the door before the lancer came back, lance once again in his hands. He thrust it and the point pierced viciously through the flesh of Shirou’s arm.

“Gah!” Shirou didn’t even have time to think before he was kicked to the ground.

“Well, I’ll admit, had a little fun there,” said the lancer, “but then you were so easily beaten to the ground.” He pointed the blade of his lance to Shirou’s heart. “Bye, bye, now. Who knows? You could have been the seventh one. Maybe my time here wasn’t for naught.”

“No! I...I won’t die…not by the likes of you!” Shirou shouted. But this was met with laughter.

“Well, don’t really know what to say here, but...you’re going to die now.”

As he went in for the kill, a blinding light engulfed the entire shed.


Suddenly, a second blade swung, so fast it was merely an arch of light. The moon shone through the window of the shed more boldly, casting a spotlight on the new figure before them. Lancer’s attack has been blocked, but blocked by someone else.

“What is this?!” barked the lancer, glaring at the new figure with beastly eyes.

Shirou looked at the person shining in the enhanced light. It was a woman, in knightly armour. Her blonde hair was tied back, and her crystal eyes stared back at him sternly.

“Are you my master?” She said, almost monotonously.

“Master?” Shirou repeated.

“Yeah, she asked if you were her master,” came a voice from behind her. To both their surprise, Shirou and the woman looked at a thin young man with blonde hair and a beautiful, feminine face. “The name’s Artie, short for--uh, I don’t remember, but it’ll come to me.” He offered a hand to Shirou.

The kid was about Shirou’s own age, younger, maybe, but instead of a school uniform, he wore a red tunic over his thin frame. Shirou took the proffered hand, and hoisted himself up.

“Uh, nice meeting you, Artie. I’m Emiya Shirou.”

“I believe I asked you a question.” Said the woman in knight’s armour once again.

Shirou turned his head towards her. Meanwhile the lancer was just standing there.

“Say yes,” said Artie. “If you do, she’ll start fighting the guy in blue tights over there with the lance, and it will be so epic!”

The woman glared at him. She said sharply, “Why, are you here?”

Artie shrugged. “No idea. I was having the worst time at Worcestershire Academy, getting my fifth wedgie from the upperclassmen in the halls, and then, suddenly, ‘poof!’ I’m here! I mean, it was like magic, really, I--”

“Are you the servant’s master or not, kid?” the lancer said sharply to Shirou. “I’m itching for a fight!”

“I, uh, I don’t…”

“You are,” said the woman, her crystal eyes cast upon him intensely. “You have summoned me, and our contract is sealed. You, Emiya Shirou, are my master.”

“Mine too!” Artie chimed.

The lancer groaned, but set himself in position, his lance ready for thrusting. “Let’s do this, servant! For the boy’s life!” he looked at Artie, then added, “and the right to indulge in repetitively stabbing that kid.”

~ ~ ~

« Last Edit: August 09, 2017, 04:53:11 PM by Coldmiser8675 »
Check out my story! Honey, Stalin Took the Kids >>http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php/topic,13888.0.html

Offline Manimal

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Re: Shrek/StayNight
« Reply #1 on: January 19, 2017, 10:53:27 PM »
You had lifeguards at Michael Bay.

You did your career defining masterpiece with that Shadow-senpai story.

and now you've done this.

Ha ha, I will say it's cool that you combine Shrek, Fate and Fairy Tail but it's dead serious mostly and not hammed up with all these wild and expected jokes, instead it's just literally Shrek and all these other things.

I mean this line "Oh, come on. Can’t we just settle this over a pint?". You had the chance for an orge joke, and you didn't do it. I like that aspect of this.

I'm not familiar with the story for the Fate series so the ending bit kind of lost me, and overall I felt it could use a bit more laughs for what it is, but keep doing your thing. It is written well to.

Offline Coldmiser8675

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Re: Shrek/StayNight
« Reply #2 on: January 20, 2017, 07:01:51 AM »
Haha Many thanks Manimal!  :clapping: And yeah you're right, I need to explain more for those unknown to the Fate series, add an ogre joke or two.  I quoted lines from the shrek movie, predicting that those would be so powerfully moving to people and make them laugh with glee. Guess it needs more work!

PS. "Career defining masterpiece with the shadow-Senpai story" I'm dying :clapping:
Check out my story! Honey, Stalin Took the Kids >>http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php/topic,13888.0.html

Offline Coldmiser8675

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Shrek/StayNight--Part 2
« Reply #3 on: January 22, 2017, 08:27:41 PM »
Here laddies, part two! Just because.

Far off in a vast catacomb of trees, through an intense presence of mana, stood a towering castle. It’s spires high and intimidating, god-like as they loomed over the forest like a king who looks down on his people. But there was no royalty like that here. For when it came to the Einzberns, people weren't even to exist unless specially chosen or if they shared the Einzbern blood.

Deep within its refines, a ceremony was taking place. Two women, dressed like nuns, with hair the color of snow, and eyes as red as rubies, held up their arms, murmuring in front of a large pentagram drawn elegantly on a large marble floor.

“Give us a mighty servant, for our young master, who will win the holy grail war!” They both shouted.

Red lightning streaked across the large room, tracing over the pentagram hastily. The lights were flickering, and candles were blown out by unknown wind. Glass vases were shattering; noises of another world were being produced, coming from the pentagram. They were beastly groans, but other than that they were unrecognizable. Throughout all this chaos, a small girl stood, watching emotionlessly at everything unfolding from behind her two nun servants. Her long, snow white hair flowed behind her, her own wide, ruby eyes fixed on the glowing pentagram.

Suddenly, the red lightning turned ogre-green, and then, music started playing.

“Some body once told me the world was gonna roll me…”

It was a song.

The nuns let their arms fall to their sides, and they looked on, dumbly, at what was happening. Something unexpected.

“What? What is this?”

“She was looking kinda dumb with her finger and her thumb, in the shape of an ‘L’ on her forehead…” Continued the distant voice of the male singer.

The young girl marvelled at the green lightning, but especially at the catchy song playing. The song, it was simply beautiful, for she had never heard it before. She had never heard any song, ever. As it continued, it got louder, a volume up to eleven, and then a blinding green light flashed.

“Hey now, you’re an All-Star, get your game on, go play! Hey now, you’re a rockstar, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitter is gold, only shooting stars..”

A powerful burst of wind nearly knocked them all to the floor, and the green light dimmed, then soon it completely faded away. The song got softer and softer, until, it too, was gone. What stood on the pentagram now was bulky green figure, with antennae-like ears, strong ogre hands, a crocodile skin vest…

One of the white-haired nuns steadied herself, then took a cautious step towards the marvelous creature they summoned.

“You...you are the berserker servant?”

Shrek looked around at his surroundings. Cathedral-like walls entrapped him, a gothic style of decor. He finally turned to the two nuns staring fearfully and expectantly at him. He farted. It was a loud, wet fart, and it echoed through the entire room. The young girl watched with utter shock and wonder.

The two nuns took a whiff, and then immediately they fainted, falling hard on the marble floor. With a large green finger to his lips, the ogre said,

“Better out than in I always say.”

“You,” Said the young girl, and she began walking towards him. Shrek turned to the girl. She was wearing a purple jacket and white skirt. She was a mere child.

“Aye, aren’t we a young lassie.” said Shrek. “Now, tell me what I’m doing here, and how I can get on with this quest some voice in the corn fields told me about. I want to get ma swahmp back!”

The girl gave him a cold stare.

“You will do no such thing, without my consent. I am your master, and you my servant.”

“What?” Shrek said, anger rising through his features. “Since when?”

The girl was dumbstruck at this backtalk, from a noble servant no less. She hid this surprise, and raised up the back of her wrist, displaying odd red marks to the ogre.

“This is a sign of our sealed contract. You agreed to be my servant, and join me in fighting for the holy grail. These are command seals. I can use them, and you will have no choice but to obey me.”

“I can’t believe this! This wasn’t in the job description!” Shrek roared.

The girl merely smiled, then ran over to the green ogre, and hugged him. Shrek did not see this coming, and nearly jumped.

“You smell,” said the girl. She let him go and backed off. “Oh well. We’re going to get you cleaned up, and then we’re going out to kill people. You’re the strongest heroic spirit, so I’m not scared of what awaits us. It’ll be fun!”

“Kill people? What for?”

The girl narrowed her eyes at him. “Not funny,” she said. “Next thing you’ll be telling me is that you were placed as my servant randomly? I don’t like those kinds of jokes.”

She paced around him, scrutinizing every feature. “You sure don’t look like a heroic spirit. Where’s the muscle, the prideful gleam in your eyes?” She stopped pacing, now just observing his back. “Although, that attack you pulled on my guardians was quite impressive. Is that a stepping stone to unleashing your ultimate attack?”

Shrek became impatient, and worst of all, annoyed. He didn’t like what was happening right now, not one bit. He’d rather be walking for miles in the corn stalks with Donkey. The ogre turned towards her menacingly.

“Graaaaaaah!” he roared. His aim was to scare her away. Hot air blew violently from his wide ogre mouth, displaying two rows of sickly yellow teeth. Spit sprayed in small, hot droplets, and they splashed on the girl’s pale face.

After a minute, Shrek ceased his roar, breathing heavily. The girl wiped her face with her sleeve, and then, raising her wrist, she said,

“Command seal. You will drop and give me fifty for that act against your master!”

Shrek crossed his arms and looked at her angrily.

“I will do no such thi--”

All of a sudden, he found himself dropping down and doing push-ups. He couldn’t believe it, for he had never done one in his entire ogre life, and yet, he was pulling them off effortlessly.

“From now on, you will listen to me, your master, Ilya Von Einzbern,” said the girl triumphantly. “And you will take a bath.”

Shrek groaned. He was still going, even though his burly shoulders and thick ogre arms were burning tremendously. The girl named Ilya smiled, then skipped away, down the dark hall, calling for her servants.

“Now hold on here, lassie!” Shrek shouted.

The minute he finished, he climbed back to his feet, and ran after her. He almost tripped over one of the nuns, who were both still lying on the ground, unconscious. The ogre’s mighty scent had been too much for them. But why hadn’t the girl fallen as well? Shrek took a second to ponder, but shook his head. It didn’t matter, he was not going to be bossed around by a small little lassie with white hair. He continued forth, down the dark hall of the castle.

~ ~ ~

Shrek was lost. And oh how he missed the mud and slime of his swamp. The hallways were that of a dungeon, with its hopelessly depressing cement walls and distant flickering torches. All the pathways would fork or bend into more unknown shadows. Where the hell was he? It was after almost what could’ve been an hour of searching, that he found an ascending staircase that led to a wooden door. Cold, natural air escaped through its cracks.

“Ah, finally!”

And with a mighty ogre body-slam, the door burst open, and he was free. He was finally outside. There were nothing but copious amounts of tall, pointed pine trees, so tall they almost blotted out the dark sky.  They acted like a huge wall around the castle and its three hundred foot lawn.

Suddenly, Shrek felt something creeping up within him, some powerful knowing.

There’s a swamp nearby.

He bolted into a sprint across the yard, his large, powerful ogre arms swinging like that of an olympian. Go into the swamp, and become your true self. A god. It was a familiar voice, a voice he heard not too long ago, from a fiery sky in the cornfields. After finally making it across the lawn, he let this primal urge take over him,  leading him to his destiny. He maneuvered through countless tree branches and trunks, like a top predator who’s hunted in the area for years.

And then, at last, the trees cleared into a foggy area. Broken tree trunks, moss, and hideous insects were surrounded by a moat of mucky water. Shrek dove into the water, into the muck. And that was when something magical happened. 

The whole swamp blew up in a milky green light. The castle of Einzbern itself was shrouded in an ogre fog. Ilya, carried by her now fully conscious maid servants-- exited the castle, taking a shocking whiff of the air, scrutinizing through the powerful fog. The maids once again fell to the floor, unable to take the scent of... onions...and the wild, free scent of ogre fluids.

Ilya looked up, and could not believe her eyes. Shrek was hovering before her, a confident, seductive grin illuminating his ogre features. He was love. He was life.

“You’re….” Ilya trailed off, through no fault of her own. She was starstruck.

“Aye,” replied Shrek. “A’ve ascended.”

Suddenly, one of his antennae-like ears twitched to a particular direction. He said to Ilya.

“I’ve picked up some trouble, lassie,” he said. “Let’s go!”

Ilya nodded joyfully, and Shrek lowered himself, allowed Ilya to climb upon his shoulder, then flew off, over the forest, towards the town, where a fight between servants was taking place.

~ ~ ~

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Offline Coldmiser8675

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Re: Shrek/StayNight
« Reply #4 on: June 25, 2017, 08:37:16 PM »
 :sick: :blush: :ninja:

Part Three:

The lancer and the woman in armour squared off. She held up both hands as if grabbing the hilt of a sword, and the lancer raised an eyebrow.
“An invisible sword, eh? To contain your mana? Interesting.”
“Let’s do this, Lancer,” she replied coolly.
With a smirk, Lancer nodded. He dashed forward, his movement so graceful, so fast. But before Shirou and Artie could even comprehend or speak of what’s happening, there was a loud clang--two weapons colliding, followed by a shower of sparks. The swordswoman had even greater speed to block the blow, and went in for a counter attack.
Lancer quickly dashed to the side, barely avoiding the slash. He steadied his weapon again, and went for that second thrust. But that was met by another arch of light, another shower of sparks and fire. The two fighters were moving quickly, striking, dodging, countering. It was all happening incredibly fast. Shirou was just staring dumbly. Artie was clapping his hands together, cheering.
“Yeah! Go Saber! Woo!”
Shirou looked to Artie, confused.
“Saber?” he asked him.
After one more, “woo,” Artie turned to him and smiled.
“Yeah, her name’s Saber. We got to know each other during our spiritual travel to your world. She’s quite to herself though. I wish she’d open up a bit more. She just told me her name, then told me to be quiet, and that I don’t even belong here.”
It wasn’t until the two fighters gave enough room to break off, that Shirou noticed Tohsaka Rin arriving. Tohsaka Rin, a beautiful young woman with Jet black hair tied in twin ponytails. She dressed in a red long-sleeved shirt that ran down as a skirt to the bottom of her thighs. Black stockings ran up from her shins to the bottom of her knees. She ran up to Shirou and Artie, a looked at them with a face of surprise.
“ Who are you?” she asked Artie bluntly.
The blonde haired boy smiled at her, and with a curt bow, said: “My lady,  my name is Artie, student from wes--”
“ Are you a master too?” the question was sharp.
Artie laughed, but Shirou spoke for him. “He’s one of my servants, Tohsaka.”
“He is?” she turned to Lancer and Saber, who were sharing a fast-paced dance of invisible steel and red lance. “Then who is--”
“That’s Saber,” Artie said cheerfully. “She’s Shirou’s master too.”
Rin looked at Shirou incredulously. “Two? You have two servants?”
Shirou didn’t know what to say. He always got a little awkward around Tohsaka, even in the midst of a battle for his life. “I, uh, I guess. Whatever that means.”
Artie threw an arm around his shoulder. “He’s the lucky one in this war. He’s got two servants: one of power, and one of knowledge!”
Rin narrowed her brow. “Really? Then perhaps you don’t need my aide.”
Shirou stepped forward. “Aide? You’re here to help me, Tohsaka?” He looked at the two servants fighting. “The guy in blue is trying to kill me, and I have no idea why. What’s going on?”
Rin saw how close Shirou had gotten, blushed, then pushed him away. “ You should know, idiot! I was going to give you aide, but now you seem to have the advantage of two servants in your company, so the smart thing to do is attack you while you know nothing about how to use them!” She clamped a hand to her ear, and then, speaking to somebody else, she said. “Archer, attack the blonde servant!”
There was nothing for a while, just the sounds of steel against steel, sparks flying and exploding in the sky, and shouts of struggle.
The boy one!” Rin shouted to someone again, irritated. The angered look made her face ten times cuter, Shirou thought.
There was a whisper of wind as a blinding stream of light shot through from the air and struck Artie from where he stood.
Artie’s sharp high-pitched cry stopped Lancer and Saber’s battle. Saber looked at her fellow servant impassively.
“My arm!” Artie cried, as trickles of blood spilled from his mouth, and heaps of it from shoulder, from where a great bow was dug deep in his flesh. He cried out and hacked blood, until he fell over to the ground and died, eyes bulged.
“Artie!” Shirou knelt by the corpse, forgetting his own wound to his shoulder. Artie’s face was contorted in terror, exactly how he had lived his last few seconds screaming. Already his features were the pale color of death. Then, after seconds went, he evaporated into glimmering stardust, which blew away in a faint breeze. Shirou’s fists clenched tight. “Tohsaka…” he said. “You…”
“Oh thank God!” Lancer inclined his head in laughter. “I thought he would have lasted a few episodes or more before we’d all be spared from his presence.” he grinned at Tohsaka, making his features more handsome. “You are quite something, girl. I love it.” He raised his head to the sky,  in the direction from where the arrow had come. “ Ah, your archer is here, and then, there is this saber against me. I seem overmatched with these odds.”
“ Me and Shirou are not on the same team,” Rin said coldly. “This is a battle Royale, a free-for-all.” She turned and glared at Shirou. “The last master or servant standing wins.”
“Tohsaka, that’s foolish!” Said Shirou. “Why would you agree for a bloodbath like that?”
“It’s not foolish,” Said Rin, she looked at his bloody shoulder. “It’s smart. You’re wounded and stupid, and Lancer has no master to support him. Meanwhile me and my Archer’s pact is strong, our mana at overwhelming levels.”
Saber spoke for the first time. “Shirou, your shoulder, you need to heal it. I’ll provide you with mana, and you can escape while I fend them off.”
Shirou looked back at Saber, incredulous. “You expect me to leave you, Saber?”
“If what this girl says is true, you’ll need to retreat, and I’ll cover you the best I can for your getaway.” said the knight.
Lancer laughed. “Let the fool run; let him hide in the church. This war needs warriors, not cowards. It would make the competition more exciting.”
Shirou planted his feet firmly, and stared at Saber sternly. “I’m not leaving you, servant. I don’t know what this pact or whatever this holy grail war means, but apparently I am your master, and I will NOT leave you.” He turned to Tohsaka. “And I will NOT fight you.”
Rin narrowed her eyes, her face red with anger. “You’re a fool; I’m your enemy, and I will kill you. I’ll give you one lesson on this war: Masters kill other masters and servants.” She pointed her fingers at him, like a gun. “ For the curtesy, I’ll give you five minutes to run, before I shoot you down myself. The clock is ticking, Shirou.”
This resulted more laughter from Lancer. “As much as I’d love a free-for-all, I’m going to have to call it a night. It seems my master is calling. Adios, my enemies.” His eyes flickered to Rin. “Adieu, my lady.” and then in a blur he vanished.
Rin groaned in frustration. “Archer,” she shouted. “Come here.”
Light glimmered from thin air, and momentarily a full-fledged figure took form, clad in red cloak and black lace underneath, thin enough to give shape to his broad chest and muscled torso. His face was sharp and hard, tanned, with eyes cold and gray, while his brows and short spiked hair were white as snow.
“You were unwise to summon me here,” said the archer. “I could have killed them all with my bow.”
“ Now that your presence was known,” said Saber. “ I could sense where you would shoot, and dodge accordingly. I have faced many archers before, all from a great distance apart of them, which was their strongest feat. You would be no different.”
The man known only as archer made no expression. “Rin,” he said. “Shall I begin?”
Rin looked at Shirou sharply. “Yes,” she said. “Fight the servant!”
Suddenly, in the blink of an eye, something fell before them with an earth trembling crash. Rin and Shirou both looked wide eyed at the green bulky figure rising from the crater he had caused in the earth.
“What…” Rin began.
Shirou couldn’t believe it either: There was a little girl in a purple coat and hat, with white hair and red eyes, riding atop a green ogre’s shoulder. Shirou eyed the ogre cautiously. Was this another so-called servant? No way could the girl be one, she was so small and cute. The ogre, well, the ogre was handsome than most ogres he’s heard or seen through illustrations and movies, but…
“Aye, lads and lassies, I’m here for my swahmp,” the ogre said.
“And we’re here too!” said another voice from the distance.
Everybody turned at the five figures standing atop the roof of Shirou’s house. One was red, the other blue, another yellow, a pink one, and then black. They were in zip-up suits wearing white gloves, and helmets their respective colors portraying arrow-shaped black visors while the bottoms showed chiseled steel lips.
“We’re the Power Rangers!” The red one shouted. After he spoke all of them fixed themselves in fighting poses.
“Rogue servants?” Said Saber.
For once the archer’s face twitched in irritation. “What the hell is this?”
Rin groaned. “ It appears that all the servants had decided to fight early. So much for strategy.”
“It will be six to one, for both of us, Tohsaka, unless we team up,” said Shirou. “I’m still not going to fight you.”
“ Berserker,” the girl with the white hair said to the ogre. “Kill Rin’s servant first, and then the orange haired boy and his servant. The other five’s mana are weak.”
“Aye, I’m Shrek wee lass,” spat the ogre in irritation.
“You’ll regret those words!” shouted the pink ranger. The voice was a woman’s.
“Agreed,” said the Red ranger. He turned to his team. “Let’s get em, guys!”
Yeah!” they all shouted, then they ran across the roof, towards Saber, Archer, and the ogre, cartwheeling and flipping along the way.
“Archer,” Rin said impassively. “Your bow.”
Archer nodded, and in a glitter of light, a great bow was in his hands, and when he pulled the quiver, a sharp-pointed arrows was ready for firing. He needed only a second of focus before he released and let the arrow fly in a terrorizing beam of light.
The arrow struck the roof, and an explosion set the Power Rangers flying miles away into the night.
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Offline legomaestro

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Re: Shrek/StayNight
« Reply #5 on: June 30, 2017, 06:24:01 PM »
You know, I thought there could be too much crossover in a story, but now after seeing this I`ve been proved wrong. You somehow managed to mix wackiness with the seriousness of the Stay Night universe, and I sort of felt like you had the Kinoko Nasu stylre to writing this.

Power rangers, Shrek and servants in one story. I have no words

Offline Coldmiser8675

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Re: Shrek/StayNight
« Reply #6 on: July 09, 2017, 10:54:22 AM »
Part 4  :sick:  :sick:


“MY HOUSE!” Emiya Shirou could only watch as the roof of his home came crashing down, in heaps of smoke, wood and fire. The rest of his house didn’t hold very well; windows crashed into scattering glass fragments; outer walls caved in from the force of the fallen roof. Only four walls of the house stood up,  some rooms that were currently for guests. Shirou fell to his knees in the horror of it. “My...house…”

It was the house where Kiritsugu had taught him the ways of magic; it was the home where he had met his friends Fugi-ne and Sakura; It was the home that was to hold many more days of his life, from when he graduated high school, to where he would find a high paying job and live happily with a wife.

And now it was all gone. A fire had failed to take my life, so one took my house in compensation.

If Saber looked concern, she showed no sign of it, not even when she stared at the mighty bow Archer was still holding.

“ A good hit,” he said. The servant Archer’s hard face had broken into something of a sly smile. “ I sent them both flying away to die.”

Tohsaka was the only one who looked doubtful. She watched what was soon to no longer be Shirou’s house, engulfed in smoke and orange fire. They were all silent for a while, letting only the sounds of spitting embers fill the night air.

Then the little girl  standing on top of her ogre’s shoulder blurted, “Let’s keep fighting!” She leaned in towards the ogre, who had named himself Shrek, Emiya had recalled. “Kill the archer, berserker!”

Shrek let out a groan. “Look lassie,” he growled. “You’re gonna call me Shrek, or else…”

“Archer,” Tohsaka yelled. “Attack them now!”

Archer just vanished. At one point he was standing right beside Tohsaka Rin, the next moment he was upon the ogre, wielding two short blades in his hands.The bow was forgotten. Tohsaka’s white-haired servant rammed into Shrek fiercely with his shoulder and slashed both small swords against  the ogre’s big chest in a parallel cut. The brown crocodile skinned vest the ogre wore cut open, broken leather pieces flying through the air. The cuts went deeper than that, tearing down past even the white shirt the ogre had underneath, and even through the monster’s  green flesh.

Shrek let out an agonizing roar of pain, his big head bobbed up towards the night sky. Archer pushed off him with his foot, which also sent the ogre flying backwards. The girl fell off the ogre and tumbled to the ground, down the crater, screaming.

“Oh my God!” Shirou ran towards the crater. He heard the body of Shrek crash against the streets nearby, but his main focus was on the girl.

“Shirou!” he heard his knight servant Saber call. “Stay away from them!”

“Listen to your servant, Emiya Shirou,” said Archer. He stood by the edge of the crater. Both his small blades were down and relaxed by his sides, the sharp edges thrust out and stained with fresh dark blood.

Shirou glared at the archer. “Don’t hurt her!” He shouted. He kept running. He was going to ram right into Archer if he had to.

“Shirou,” Said Tohsaka, “She’s an enemy. She wanted to kill us both.”

Shirou ground his teeth. Archer was before him, but he wasn’t the one he was heading towards. Somewhere down there the girl was struggling and hurt. Just like I was, back then. As he stepped closer, he saw Saber running beside him, her invisible sword raised and ready. “Saber?”

“I will defend you,” she replied. “Get the girl, I’ll hold back Archer.”

Tohsaka shouted back at them. “You idiot! She’s an Einzbern! She’s the most powerful mage there is!”

The Archer tensed. He raised his blades, prepared to fight. “Shall I start a real match, Rin?” Right after he said that,  Archer’s eyes widened suddenly.

Shirou didn’t have time to comprehend what was happening, and only saw Archer’s eyes before the ogre came slamming into the servant from nowhere, roaring a menacing ogre roar. Shrek had grabbed Archer and brought him bodily forwards, to the burning house in a violent charge.

They crashed into the fire and smoldering wood, the black smoke engulfing them both. Saber looked over, stunned. “He’s strong…”

Shirou didn’t waste anytime. He rushed over to the crater and called down. “Are you okay?” A stupid thing to say. He saw her, lying on her side, her eyes closed. She must have been knocked out during the fall. She’s so small her bones must be fragile. He lept down, then slid along the wall of the crater, but nearly tumbled down himself. When he reached the bottom, he bent over and grabbed the girl in both arms. She’s light, he thought. He hauled her up in his arms, and carried her like a baby. Her slow warm breathing brushed the side of his neck, and caused his skin to prickle. His face suddenly  grew so flustered that soon his arms began to tremble. Focus!

He began his climb up. When he reached a hand on the wall of the crater and pushed his body up, the incline was too great, and his slow climb caused him to slide back down. Great, he thought. “Saber!” he called. “We need help!”

Saber stood over the edge. “Shirou, grab onto my sword!” She made some kind of rotating motion  with her hands, then she lowered her arms down the crater.

Shirou looked at the nothing that awaited for him to grab onto. “Uh, what and where do I grab?”

“Feel around for the hilt!” She said.

Shirou felt around. This was just as hopeless. What if she wasn’t low enough? How the hell would he know exactly where to grab? As his head swam through these thoughts however, his hand did hit against something hard. An invisible steel. He felt his fingers around it, trying to find a good grip.

“Hurry!” Saber called.

Shirou found a good grip on the invisible hilt. “I got it!” he shouted. He prayed he had enough strength in him to hold on. His shoulder was still burning in pain, and it was the same arm that was holding on to the sword. Please, please make it…

The ride up was treacherous. He had forgotten the extremity of his wound. Blood spilled out in a heavy clot on his shoulder, and his vision fuzzed in and out. He could scarcely hear the sounds of fire spitting, and the falling of a house structure.

Saber pulled him over the edge, and Shirou fell to the ground, the little girl Einzbern in his arm.

Saber fixed her grip on the invisible sword, and as Shirou looked up, he saw her steel gauntlets were cut through, and even produced some blood. “ Your hands..” he began.

“My sword is sharp,” she replied cooly.

Shirou stood up, after laying the girl down peacefully. Tohsaka Rin was gone. Or, she was over by the burning house, whose fire and smoke was still fuming strong, blocking out the moon with its black and orange fingers.

Shirou heard sirens in the distance.
Suddenly out came Archer from a  guest room window of the falling structure, his red cloak was torn from left shoulder to torso, and covered in bruises and cuts from the face down. He held his dual blades in both hands, though the blood had seemed to vanish suddenly, as if they were brand new. The servant suddenly dove forward, and a powerful wind erupted from the house behind him, sending Shirou to clutch onto the girl and the ground at the same time, to prevent himself from falling backwards. He heard the shouting of Tohsaka Rin as well. Where was she?

Emiya’s house went up in a larger bloom of orange fire, sending wooden planks and shutters flying forward like projectiles. As soon as they were going to hit Emiya, Saber stepped in between and hacked all the debris that came hurling in their direction. Her strokes were fast, like a painter in a frenzy swiping left and right. The flaming debris broke and died out as they caught in her sword slashes.

Emiya kept eyeing that fire. It’s getting bigger, he thought dreadfully. Will it be like the one long ago? He was terrified to find out. Archer picked himself up, and looked back at the flames. His face tensed into something of irritation. “Rin,” he said.

Shirou looked over at the monster of flames. Rin, she’s in there. I have to save her! I have to--

A big figure threw itself out of the flames. Emiya knew immediately who that figure was. Shrek the ogre landed on his feet, his back hunched over, arms by his chest, as if cradling something…

Shirou’s eyes widened. “Tohsaka!” He picked himself up and ran right over to the two.

“Shirou!” Saber called, surprised by his advancement.

Shirou ignored her. The sirens were getting louder now, but he didn’t care. Tohsaka Rin was all that mattered. She had to be alright. If she wasn’t…

“Here, laddie,” said Shrek. He placed the lying Tohsaka in his arms. Shirou staggered. Tohsaka was a lot heavier to carry. Shirou looked at her face-- pretty and covered with streaks of ash. Her eyes were closed.

“Is she alright--” but the ogre was gone. Emiya found him standing by the fire, both hands forward down below his waist. When he heard the zipping sound Emiya wondered just what the hell the ogre was doing.

A huge arc of yellow water streamed from the Shrek’s crotch, it landed on the huge orange flower of fire with a loud hiss and clouding white steam. The flickering fire put up a resistance, but quickly it became smaller and smaller. The ogre’s yellow stream was still strong, like those big hoses firefighters used.

Then Shirou could smell it. “Aw, man!” He looked away. If he could use one of his arms he would pinch his nose. He saw Archer’s face crunch in dismay after he took a whiff, and momentarily  he pinched his nose as he watched the flames die. Saber was standing there too, watching it all, her face frowning in disgust.

The fire was out. Shrek zipped up his pants and turned towards them. “Aye, had held that one in for a long time. Better out than in I always say.” he chuckled.

When no one was laughing, the ogre frowned, then headed towards the little white haired girl.

“Is Tohsaka going to be alright?” Shirou said to him.

Shrek was only glaring at Archer, who was giving him the same treatment. Did they get into a fight?

“She’ll be fine laddie,” Said Shrek. He walked over to the Einzbern girl, and picked her up by the small of her purple coat with one huge ogre hand. “ I must bring her to the swhamp.” And with that he jumped high into the air, into the night.

Shirou watched Shrek vanish with the girl. He didn’t see Archer approach him.

“I’ll take her,” said Archer. As he was about to reach over, Shirou turned away.

“Why did the other servant save her, Archer?” he asked sharply. “ What about you?” He felt the presence of Saber beside him.

The Archer sighed. The way he did it was as if he was shrugging away a shameful disappointment. “We were fighting in the house, me and the berserker servant…”

--- --- ---

The ogre’s charge sent Archer crashing through a charred wall and into the weakening guest room of the flaming house. Orange flames surrounded them, like shuddering orange spikes of heat and death. Archer hated fire. He had been terrified of it long ago, but now he just hated it. It had been apart of him all his life, used to kill so many people again and again. It had always been irksome, and underneath his tough hard exterior, fire would spark a hint of rage within him, as it reminded him of a promise he had made long ago. A promise that was always diminishing with each passing day.

He threw himself up to his feet. The berserker servant must not have a chance to glimpse him lying down. The servant named Shrek was standing before him, feet apart and green fists clenched. His bald green head was smeared with black ash, as was his face. He had no weapons on him.

A foolish move. Why go into this war without a weapon? Archer suppressed a confident smirk, and dove forward, his dual blades extended. He slashed at the ogre in two fast archs, his movements so fast they left trails of light off the steel blades. They cut at the ogre’s neck.

Or, they would have. But suddenly Archer realized that the ogre wasn’t there. Archer found out that the ogre had ducked the swipes and swerved to the side. By then Archer spun on his heel, his blade ready to thrust into the ogre’s eyes. His movements were swift and professional. He had done this many times before, after all.

But he had underestimated the ogre’s speed. Before he was able to swing his blade out, a big, meaty fist kissed his face, sending a hard blow and knocking him backwards. He crashed into the wall of flames. He raised himself quickly from the pool of light, in both pain and anger. He had sent this pathetic berserker servant flying not too long ago. How was this happening? The Einzbern girl was knocked out. She wasn't supplying him with mana. How did he get so tough?

Archer leapt out of the fire. But he found flames licking his shoulder down to his chest and torso. Archer frowned. His face contorted into anger, and a vein bulged on his tan forehead. He charged the ogre, blades wielded and ready. This bastard. He didn’t care if this was the berserker servant, the strongest there was in the Grail War. He had misjudged this Shrek, thinking they all had lucked out with a weak berserker, but now he was wrong.

His blades came down in a fast controlled arch, then quickly with a twist of his body, as Shrek stepped to the side and avoided the attack, Archer came slashing sideways. This caught the ogre with success. But Shrek didn’t scream. Nor did he cry out. He took the cuts and grabbed Archer’s face, grasping it hard with his green sausage sized fingers (count that, they were bloated sausage sized fingers) then as if like a professional wrestler he threw the servant bodily down to the ground.

When Archer landed hard on his back, another big fist slammed into his jaw, then another. Now Archer was losing his sights; the fiery battlefield around him grew into blurry animated colors of red and orange. For a moment, the blurriness in itself was darkening, as if a curtain of blackness began to descend upon his world, trapping him in a suffocating embrace..

The blow had bested him, all he could do was uselessly struggle uselessly underneath the ogre’s strength. He would need a minute to retrieve Rin’s mana, to recover from this. But he knew the ogre wouldn’t let him do that…

Archer’s weary eyes widened as he felt the weight of the ogre lift up from him. After that everything started coming back; his vision was brightening, the dizzy feeling starting to slowly subside into dim throbs of hurt.

They were standing before each other yet again. The fire on Archer’s shoulder and chest that had burned him were put out, but they had charred his clothing to nothing but smears of black and fresh cuts and bruises. Shrek’s face frowned at him, big eyes reflecting something else entirely in the firelight. Archer couldn’t make out what it was, but it couldn’t have been anger.

Suddenly, the ceiling was collapsing. A flaming wooden ceiling beam crashed between them from above, and it was then that Archer realized he needed to get out of here--


The call had surprised him. He frowned. “Rin?” What was she doing here? Was she just as bad as Emiya Shirou in wits?

They found Tohsaka Rin, pointing her fingers at Shrek like a gun. With a shout, she had sent two short beams of energy right at the ogre.

Smoke spilled from the ground when the attack hit the ogre, and soon everything was collapsing now. The ceiling fell in steady bursts of wood and fire, and Rin screamed. Archer looked her way, but there was only fire now. Everywhere he looked there was fire.

That was when he found the window…

--- --- ---

“I was going to go back in and save her, but the ogre servant  beat me to it. I had thought Rin’s attack stopped him for sure.”

Shirou narrowed his eyes at Archer, as if disbelieving his story.

Archer seemed to have read his face.

“She saved me, Emiya Shirou. And she is a necessity if I am to win this war. We have a contract. If she died, I would disappear. Why would I leave her?”

“I still don’t--” Shirou felt Saber’s gauntlet hand gently touch his shoulder.

“He’s telling the truth,” she said. “If a master dies in this Grail war, the servant disappears.”

Archer closed his eyes and nodded. Then he stepped forward again. “Give her to me.”

Shirou looked at Saber, who looked at him just as unsure. “I could fight him right now Shirou,” she said. “He is weakened--”

But now the sirens were upon them. Fire trucks screeched their wheels to a stop. They needed to bounce.

Archer took Tohsaka in his arms, and in a blink of an eye he left. Shirou had to hide as well. Him and Saber must surely not be found by anyone else.

--- ---- ---

--- ---- ---
« Last Edit: August 09, 2017, 04:55:51 PM by Coldmiser8675 »
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Offline legomaestro

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Re: Shrek/StayNight
« Reply #7 on: July 20, 2017, 05:42:15 PM »
That fight between Shrek and Archer was pretty intense. I feel like the moment Shrek had him in his grip though he could've ended it. Those fingers have gripping strength and a half.

Also, doesn't Saber actively use her mana to hide her sword, rather than the sword being invisible by default? I thought I read that somewhere.

Suddenly have a craving for Fate Zero again. Such a good story.

Offline Coldmiser8675

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Re: Shrek/StayNight
« Reply #8 on: July 21, 2017, 10:17:06 PM »
Thanks Lego!  :dance: ;D I think you may have a point there with Sabers blade. An error on my part. Perhaps she doesn't want anyone to see the sword, especially the great ogre Shrek.

Archer seems in tact after shreks massive ogrepowering attacks... But is he?? Duh duh duuun! Haha  :D

Also...it appears Farquaad approaches soon
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Offline Coldmiser8675

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Re: Shrek/StayNight--Fate Route
« Reply #9 on: August 09, 2017, 04:52:46 PM »
Part 5--Enter Fate Route


Kirei Kotomine sat brooding in his chair. The time was ten past midnight. His servant Lancer should have made it back by now, from taking reconnaissance around the field of war. The priest Kotomine was safely secured in the vicinity of his church, which, according to the rules of this grail war, was a safe haven from the violence. Anyone who came into the church was assured safety and even some homely advice if they were nice enough.

The priest sat back. He was a  tall man, slim in his black clerical clothes with a cobalt-colored vestment draped over. A golden cross hung below his neck, a symbol of his faith. He brushed away his long brown hair that sat to his shoulders, and muttered a sigh. Having enough of the silence in the empty backroom he called out in a calm, monotone voice. “Gilgamesh.”

Out of thin air, specs of light clustered in a pile in front of where the priest sat. The bits of light flashed by in a brief explosion, until finally they steered close, and, combining themselves into one blinding entity, they dimmed to form a solid figure…

Kotomine’s eyes widened. This wasn’t Gilgamesh…

--- --- ---

Lord Farquaad sat in the chair before this surprisingly handsome priest. This man was almost, almost in the same league of handsome as he was. And looking at his surprised expression, the Lord of Duloc laughed.

“Not what you expected to see, priest?” he grinned.

The handsome priest sent a hand darting inside his vestment, but before he could pull out the small blade, Farquaad pulled out a stilleto from his red garment. He leaned forward in a fluid languid motion, and pointed the blade right at the priest’s neck

“Not so fast! You’re going to be wise and remove your hand.”

The priest frowned at him. “You’re not Gilgamesh. What did you do to him?”

Farquaad rolled his eyes. “That blonde pretty boy, with the narcissistic smile? Ha! I had him butchered.”

The priest did not change his expression. “I find that hard to believe,” he said. His voice was monotone, as if just stating a fact. There was no emotion, no anger or worry.

It pissed Lord Farquaad off.

“You want to see?” The Lord of Dulock snorted. “Thelonious, bring the body of the blonde.”

A swirl of glittering specks of light appeared, then in a blinding wonder they formed the executioner Thelonious, Farquaad’s most loyal subject and servant. He was carrying a bloody body like a bride being swept off for the honeymoon.

“Here, m’lord,” he said in his usual dopey tone.

“Drop it on the desk so this good priest here can see.”

--- --- ---

The body of Gilgamesh plopped down on Kotomine desk. Kotomine removed his hand from his vestment, while the threatening servant leaned away from him. Looking at the body, he could no longer feign his shock. This was Gilgamesh the King of Heroes; the blonde hair, the handsome, perfect face, those red eyes--now bulging and looking at nothing. Blood streaked down from the corners of his mouth, and from the bottoms of his eyes and nostrils.

The whole body it seemed was splotched in blood. Kotomine scrutinized the wounds closely. He saw the hilts of small swords still impaled in the servant's body. When he looked up the mysterious servant sitting in the chair before him was smiling. He was a short man, very short, but his jaw was huge and square, and his black hair looked fashionably in renaissance style along with his red garments.

“How did you manage to kill him?” He asked plainly. He was rather curious.

There was a gleam in the servant's eye. “Ah, yes. Well, I’ll admit, it was pretty tough. I’m just getting used to these powers of mine. But let’s just say I fought fire against fire.” he began an evil laugh.

Kotomine let him laugh for a minute or two, and then, finally. “So what--”

But the servant was still laughing like an evil villain. The other stocky servant in all black just stood there. It was like this for five more minutes, until, at last, the servant finished his laughter, wiping a tear from his eye.

“Oh ho ho, like I said, rich.” Suddenly, he waved a hand, as if gently swatting a fly. A rippling ring of golden light appeared in the air beside him, and emerging from the center came the long silver blade of a sword.

“Now I have his power,” The servant said. “Something I really don’t need, but hey, it just assures my victory in this war.” Ripples of golden light revealed numerous swords in the air, blades pointing right at Kotomine as he sat in his chair, looking the most startled he’d ever been in his life, causing the most slightest expression of fear to crack his neutral face.

“You’re going to kill me?” He asked, eyes narrowed at the servant.

The short man laughed. “No, no, no, don’t be absurd, peasant. I wish I could, but I cannot. I have to play by the rules here a bit longer until I claim that Holy Grail. For now, I need you, for we must make haste towards a certain servant, pay him a little visit.”

Kotomine frowned. “ Which servant is this?”

“An ogre,” Farquaad said in a low growl. “ That disgusting monster tried to thwart my plans, and I know he’s here somewhere. I’ll find him and make him pay, and all vengeance and victory will be mine!”

“You could just do that yourself," Kotomine stated. "Why don’t you just kill me? What use could I be to you? You killed my servant. I’m as useless compared to all your power.”

“True. But stop playing dumb and a kiss up, priest. I know all about you too, about your participation in the last Holy Grail War. You’re the encyclopedia of rules; some of these rules consist of such whoever comes to this church is safe from the fighting and killing. Is that true?”

Kotomine closed his eyes and nodded. “Yes, it is.”

A smile played on the servant’s lips. “Perfect. You will be my spy, priest. You shall also give everyone save me, information that jive according to my plans. Kapeesh?”

Kotomine closed his eyes for a minute or two, until finally, he nodded. “I am no match against you, servant. I have no choice.”

“Don’t call me a servant. It is you who will be serving!” The heroic spirit snarled. “My name is Lord Farquaad, and this war will turn in my favor.”

“Turn in whose favor?”

Before this Lord Farquaad servant could turn his head toward the foreign voice, a red lance came spearing him in the shoulder.
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Offline Coldmiser8675

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Re: Shrek/Stay(The)Night Part 6
« Reply #10 on: August 10, 2017, 08:09:06 PM »
Part 6  :dance:


“Where did they go?” Shirou asked Saber as they began walking the dark streets at night. His shoulder was still throbbing like crazy, but that didn’t matter. He had to find where Archer took Tohsaka Rin. He needed an ally in this craziness.

Saber’s radiantly handsome face, dimmed with darkness, looked ahead, down the long road that stretched before them. They had both just trekked back from Rin’s house, which, according to Saber, was vacant because of a lack of a mana force field. If Tohsaka was indeed in that house, the servant Saber told him, then she would have barricaded herself, or perhaps Archer would have been detected or sensed scoping outside.

Shirou also had to keep Saber from trying to concern herself with his arm. He was fine, but his servant would have none of it. She kept willing herself to use her mana, her own energy, to help him. Shirou didn’t want her to exert herself, and had said no.

So they walked silently onward.

“The berserker servant is strong,” Saber said in a low voice as they walked through the night. “ And after he had helped the Master Rin back there, it may seem that his intentions differ vastly from his master’s,”

Shirou looked over at her and said, “The girl with the white hair? What are you thinking Saber?”

Saber closed her crystal colored eyes. “You may not like it, Emiya Shirou, but I suggest we go after those two. They’re just as we are--not being able to agree on anything.”

Shirou’s eyes narrowed. “Saber, I’ll try my best to have us work together, but this whole battle, this war, is just too confusing to me.”

Suddenly, Saber’s eyes opened wide. “Shirou,” she said.


“I have an idea for where Tohsaka Rin and Archer may have gone to. The church.”

“The church?”

“Yes, the church is the safe haven from the Grail War. The Priest in there could help those wounded. Not to mention, he could give you all the answers you need about the Grail War.”

Shirou took this into thought: He had never really been to church, but the memory of seeing the gothic-looking building there near where he lived popped into his mind vaguely. He was distressed to figure out that he had no idea how to get there, until he realized that Saber may just know where it is from here; after all, she was the one who suggested going.

“Alright,” he said to her. “We’ll head over there! Do you know the way? Because I...uh...I don’t really know…”

Saber’s face remained neutral. “I do. It brings me bad memories, but it is worth it if it helps my master. I’ll lead the way.”

“Wait, Saber.”

She stopped, and turned. “What is it, Emiya Shirou?”

“I just want you to know, I really appreciate all your help and understanding of me.” He clenched his fist and smiled coolly at her. “And I’m going to do my best to find out all about this Grail War, and do something about it!”

Something that could have been a cool smile showed on the servant's lips, and with a nod she turned and lead the way, towards the church.

--- --- ---

Shrek had carried his sleeping master through the woods for about an hour, already lost. His mana, or whatever it was called, felt like it was half drained, and that meant he had only about a bit of energy for one fight if the time called for it. So he couldn’t use his ogre-powering flying ability to send them both back to the castle, because he would simply fall halfway there to their doom.

He turned his bruised, ogre head down at the little girl cradled in his bulky green arms. She was like a wee little doll within his bulky figure, sleeping fitfully; Her breathing was light and peaceful, though her closed eyelids looked strained, as if she was having a bad dream. Her shoulders were slack and her whole body was relaxed.

The woods were grayer as the moonlit night sky dominated over the forest above. Shrek was sure they had gone from this direction towards the commotion that nearly got them all killed; That tanned man, called Archer, had nearly succeeded in killing him, and that thought had disturbed him; usually, it would take an angry mob of people to overwhelm him, pitchforks and torches, arrows, by the great and many, but during that battle in the flaming house Archer nearly took his head off by himself.

He wasn’t the best and strongest one-man team anymore, and that gave him fear. It meant he couldn’t take whatever other danger was out there by himself. He needed help; It wasn’t reassuring, though, that the only help he had was a little lassie unconscious in his arms.

The woods were clearing, and some great tall dark shape loomed over the forest, nearly blocking out the moon as they grew closer. The shape was odd, and it brought the great ogre a flashback of an image in a book he had read once; it was a story called Mulan. The book showed amazing images of  sloped red houses with pointed black roofs and ancient architecture of long bodied dragons decorating all over.

This was near identical, at least, to the ogre’s mind. It was much more detailed than in the story book, he could say that; the structure of it more sharp and defined under the moonlight. It was a red building, a shrine, almost, with a sloped sharp roof with columns and spires before it. In front of it all was a curved looking ancient arch, all above a steep stairway.

The lassie’s breathing grew into a soft groan, and Shrek looked down to see the girl’s red eyes open, more peaceful than when they were closed.

“Where, where are we?” She asked, tired.

“Aye, I’d like to know that myself.”

She sat up in his arms. She looked cautiously around at their surroundings. “You got us lost!” She said.

Shrek frowned at her. “Hey, you think I would know the map of this place? Mind you, lassie, I just got thrown into this whole mess.”

She gave him a criticizing look, and said, “What kind of servant are you?”

Shrek smiled. “One of a kind.”

They were at the base of the ascending stairs, and as Shrek looked up, he only had a second to glimpse the peeking moon off the corner of the shrine before a blurry figure swooped down and snatched up the girl in his arms. The Einzbern girl shrieked.

Shrek turned sharply ahead. “Lassie!” He followed the blur of shadow and the wavering of white hair in the wind, as they landed on the top of the stairs.

La Liberte!” the figure holding Einzbern said merrily aloud in an annoying French accent.

“Lassie!” Shrek shouted to her.

Illya fought the man holding her like a child, pounding at his shoulder. “Who are you?” She snapped. “Release me!”

“Be still, mon cherie, for I am your killere! But first I had the decency to save you from this beeast!”

“Hey, “ Shrek snapped. “That’s my lassie, go find your own!”

The moonlight defined the man more clearly; he was average sized in a green tunic, wearing a pointy green hat. His face was refined and sharp, with a thin mustache and small pointed beard on his smooth features. He smiled cheerily as he looked the ogre in the eyes, while the girl was still struggling in his arms.

“Please, monster! Can’t you see I’m a little bizzeey here?”

“Ugh! Let go of me! I don’t even know you!” Illya shouted.

“Oh ho, ho, of course, how rude! Let me introduce myself…” He snapped his fingers, and all of a sudden Illya’s body went stiff, and she began struggling as if she were bounded by an invisible rope. The man placed her down, and then called out, “Oh Merry Meeen! Hahaha!”

Suddenly an accordion started to play, and out from the shadows leapt four figures, all men, who joined Illya’s kidnapper on the top of the stairs. The men began to sing:

Men: Ta da da da whoo!

Kidnapper: I work for the rich and kill the most witty!

Men: he asks a wee sum.

Kidnapper: Cause cash is petty. I kill the best servants man I’m good!

Men: What a guy, Tueur Hood!

Hood: Break it down!

They all started dancing on the top of the stairs, Tuer Hood doing the most impressive dances, as Illya just watched wide-eyed in her invisible bindings. Hood leapt to the middle of the stairs, closer to Shrek.

Hood: In truth I like challenging kills and even sassy little lollies

Men: What he’s basically saying is he likes--

Hood: --No perverted follies! So...when an ogre in the bush holds a lollie by the tush that’s bad.

Men: That’s bad.

Hood: When a cutey’s with a beast it makes me awfully mad!

Men: He’s mad he’s really, really mad!

Hood leapt down more flights of stairs, much closer to the ogre. He pulled out something glittering in the moonlight, small and sharp.

Hood: I’ll take my blade and ram it through your heart! Keep your eyes on me boys, cause I’m about to STAAAARRRT!

This ended with Shrek’s big meaty green fist zipping over the assassin Hood’s blade and slamming against the Frenchman’s face. Hood flew backwards, and crashed against the stairs. The knife he held flew far into the woods.

One of the men cursed from above, “You stupid monster!” He pulled out a knife and started  towards Illya.

Shrek had to use his powers. He summoned up all his energy, all he had left at his disposal. In the blink of an eye, his onionzooka was held in both his hands, and he fired at the top of the stairs. The blast hit both the four men including the accordion player, who had still been playing until the layered projectile exploded right at him. Many magical layers, the layers of such mana and onions combined, burned the men into ashes in seconds. Illya sat there unharmed.

He aimed the onionzooka at Hood struggling to stand up, ready to pull the trigger…

“ What assassin announces that he’s going to kill his target in interpreted song and dance?” The icy voice of a woman echoed from beyond the temple ahead. “Unbelievable. What kind of servants are they recruiting these days?”

--- --- ---

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