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Author Topic: FLUID- I need 2 very skilled writers (edited)  (Read 283 times)

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Offline Fluid

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FLUID- I need 2 very skilled writers (edited)
« on: July 24, 2017, 07:14:59 PM »
In a world full of ordinary people protected by cyborgs; a man named doctor professor Kilagonte turns to science in his quest for power. With special gene altering concoctions he disguised as different colored wines, he changes the lives of 7 random and innocent humans. Upon drinking the special "wine" the 7 random people gain powers. Fluid follows Luke, one of the 7 random people, on his quest to end his own life. Will Luke succeed? Can doctor professor Kilagonte rule the world? You can find out in Fluid!

I don't know how to delete a post so I just edited this one! Hope this summary clears things up and yes a lot can happen in a story about one guy trying to kill himself!
« Last Edit: July 26, 2017, 02:24:36 PM by Fluid »

Offline MahluaandMilk

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Re: FLUID- I need 2 very skilled writers
« Reply #1 on: July 24, 2017, 07:36:14 PM »
Welcome to MangaRaiders, firstly and foremostly. You can introduce yourself in the Welcome Center if you'd like. We have a lot of amazing and skilled writers around here, and it sounds like you might be really cool to collab with. This story, given the state its in, can probably benefit from being in the Develop Your Story section of the site when you have it typed up and ready to share. In that section, other writers can critique your work and provide you with insightful feedback and alternative ideas.

Just as a writer though, my $0.02 here is that if you can't understand it without 120 pages, you probably already went and made the whole thing "too damn deep and complicated" for your readers as well. You might want to consider slimming your main focus down a little. I know I used to have the same problem, and if you let your characters take the lead and you develop soever many subplots, it can be a pain to get down into one universe.
"My manner of thinking, so you say, cannot be approved. Do you suppose I care? A poor fool indeed is he who adopts a manner of thinking for others!"--Marquis de Sade
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Offline Fluid

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Re: FLUID- I need 2 very skilled writers
« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2017, 01:06:04 PM »
Thank-you for the welcoming! I edited the post above with an accurate summary.

Offline S8N

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Re: FLUID- I need 2 very skilled writers (edited)
« Reply #3 on: July 25, 2017, 02:28:24 PM »
As a writer, I can further expand on Mahlua's concerns. When it comes to collabing with writers, the first thing you must be ready to forfeit you control over how exactly the story is heading. This is because each writer has a different approach on building a story itself, and your methods often won't coincide with theirs. Depending on the amount of communication going on between you and your writers, they will likely consider anything you want them to add to the story.
~~~
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Offline Fluid

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Re: FLUID- I need 2 very skilled writers (edited)
« Reply #4 on: July 26, 2017, 02:28:29 PM »
Well I'm just going to leave the first couple chapters here so people can get an idea of what I am looking for. I need details/ expansion on plots more than anything. Obviously "how things happen" can be changed so long as "things happen"

Chapter 1
Spoiler
CHAPTER ONE: A ROOM AND A ROPE


[Begin Scene] A rope was tied in a noose, hung to the bedroom ceiling, and in poor condition. Empty Champaign bottles lined the carpet, and pieces of glass laid beneath holes in the wall. The bed itself was in okay condition outside from the food stains in the sheets. The room reeked of depression with a hint of laziness, most likely coming from the undone laundry piled in the closet. The rest of the Apartment was in fine condition, and that could only mean the resident was shacked up in the bedroom. On the kitchen table was a note that had two words written on the outside “why not” in big bold black letters. A wine bottle stood alone next to it and the leftover wine looked rotten, or replaced by another liquid. The bottle held a black fluid but only droplets remained. It obviously was a gift and the bottle looked hand crafted. A perfect display piece, and one of a kind for sure. The living room was right beside the kitchen and on the floor was a nice looking rug, one that had to be Persian. *click* *slam*
(Time jump) A young man entered the living room, 25, light skinned, dark haired, and drunk. A Champaign bottle held in his left hand and keys in his right. “*censored* this world” he screamed with a drunken slur. “Why her” his screams continued. The young man stumbled into the kitchen and made his way to the counter. He grabbed a bottle opener and scurried backwards almost tripping. “*censored*ty black berry wine” he slurred as he grabbed a piece of paper from the side cupboard. *pop* He opened the Champaign bottle and threw the bottle opener back onto the counter. He grabbed a black fine tipped marker, and stumbled to the bedroom. “I’m doing it today” he screamed before chugging the bottle of Champaign. “I will see you in the afterlife April!” “No more being a pussy!” The screams continued as the man stumbled backwards onto his bed. *spring* the man stood up and staggered across his mattress. He made his way to the edge of his bed and grabbed the hanging noose. “I can do this” he said in a slur.  More positive affirmations came out of his mouth as he put the noose around his neck and pulled it tight. He inched his way to the edge of the bed, looked down at the ground, and closed his eyes. “April here I come” he screamed before jumping *snap* [End scene]
[Begin Scene] (15 days prior) “Luke look babe I got this dress on sale for our big date”, a slim, pink haired, 23 year old woman said. “Ha give me a second to finish this blog for work, and I will come check it out” the man said. Both of them were in the same apartment. The bedroom was nicer, had a laptop, and the kitchen was missing the wine bottle. The day seemed stress free as if everything was happening as it should be. Luke got up out of the bedroom, and made his away to April in the kitchen.  “What a lovely dress” he said. April blushed, kissed him, and made her way out. It was apparent she was on a work break. Luke went back to the bedroom, closed his document, and opened a tab on restaurant reservations. He searched for “the best restaurants to propose in Ashburn” and a top ten list popped up. He spent 10,000 Koin or (10k000) on a restaurant which is a lot considering Luke makes one hundred Koin (1K00) per hour. He then got up, turned off his computer, and left his apartment.
Luke caught a train to a bus street corner where he entered a diamond shop. He spend 55K000 on a diamond mixed with sapphire. It had a golden band and matched April’s purple eyes very well. Luke had set everything up with three days to spare. April and him would get dinner, eat, he would propose, and they would watch the sunset from Ashburn hill. One month later they would get married in Ashburn Gardens, which spanned for acres and had international flowers. Luke would pay 5K000 a month till he paid off the 150K000 balance. It was perfect though, and Luke had saved up for one year living off ramen and the occasional date with April. He never let her know about his diet and stayed at his weight with protein shakes. Luke wrote a blog for a living and daily the website would give him topics to research. He made 1K00 per blog and was assigned eight blogs per day. He could be done in half time some days and double time others. That meant he wrote over 1,800 blogs for his wedding with April. In other words he lived off of one year’s salary for two years, and April never figured it out. Luke went home and took out his suit. He never did tell April about it [end scene]
[Begin scene] (12 days prior) “I cannot wait” April screamed in a girly way to her coworkers. She worked as a human resource agent for a makeup company. Her office sat at the third floor and she worked around the companies top selling agents. Everyone knew about April’s big date and everyone but April assumed a proposal was happening. April was terrible at spotting the obvious which put her at an advantage. Nobody does the obvious when screwing over a company. The company dealt with all sorts of nature made lipsticks, blush, eyeliner, and black head remover. April had been waiting for the date because Luke had told her nothing. There was just one day left and all she knew was to get a nice dress. April made 2K50 per hour which was significantly more than Luke, but she had terrible spending habits. Luke would always ang her because after spending on makeup and videogames; she barely had enough to pay the bills and eat. April being an avid gamer, always purchased the new and scientific games such as “Alien wars” or “Space command 7.” April worked hard at her job and nobody at work doubted her capability but they did joke about her ability to see the obvious. It was “obviously her slanted eyes” they would joke. [End Scene]
[Begin scene] Luke had been granted 16 blogs in one day so he could miss work for the big date. He truly could not afford to miss a blog and he could not miss his date. Luke was terrible when it came to details. He got everything in order but his work. He could have asked days in advance and it was just an email click away. Luke worked for eighteen hours, slept and woke up with plenty of time to spare. He would pick April up at 6pm, go to Alighea’s Diner (which just so happened to be the most Romantic place in Ashburn), eat dinner, propose, and make it to Ashburn hill by 9:15pm. [End scene]
[Begin scene] Luke and April pulled up to Aligheas Diner and pink lights decorated the outside. Three giant fountains all with cupid statues lined each side of the walkway for a total of six. April was ecstatic and filled with happiness. “I have heard so much about this place” she said as she jumped for joy. They walked up a pathway and entered the diner.
Heart shaped booths, a door man in a slick tux, chandeliers over ever table, granite counter tops, a bar with over 1,000 different bottles, and much more. Luke had opted for a table away from the stage but that did not mean there would be no music. They were seated at their table, ordered food, and ate. April kept commenting on how good the food was while Luke kept quiet as he was filled with nervousness and anticipation. “This is the best date ever” April said. Luke couldn’t wait another minuet, dropped to one knee, and said “April will you marry me?” April spat out the food in her mouth as she screamed “yes!” Luke pulled out a ring, put it on her finger, and they finished their dinner. April blushed the rest of the meal and staff constantly said “congratulations” to them. Luke and April left the diner after finishing their meals and made their way to Ashburn Hill. April was still in awe by everything that had just transpired over the past hour, and Luke smiled as he drove to Ashburn Hill. Ashburn Hill is the go to spot for lovers because the sunset covers the skyline making the city pop out amongst beautiful orange, pink, and yellow colors. It is as if your eye balls say in a new definition. April and Luke arrived just in time, and watched the sun set before a make out session ensued. Luke then drove to his place where he and April made love before going to sleep. [End Scene]
[Begin Scene]April got up early as she had work so when Luke woke he was alone. “What a night” Luke thought to himself before making coffee and eggs. Around noon he heard a knock on his door. *knock knock*To Luke’s surprise the mail man had a package for him. There was no return address on the box, and his name was spelled wrong like in the phone book. He signed for the package and took it to his kitchen where he opened it. Inside was a note that said “why not” on the cover. Inside it said “here’s to you stranger from me. Enjoy the gift of giving!” Luke pulled out a wine bottle, filled with a black liquid. He assumed somebody from April’s work figured out he was going to propose and had a gift prepared. He put the wine in his Champaign closet, where it could safely rest until April got off work. Luke couldn’t get enough of Champaign and would drink it daily if April would allow it. Luke left the note on his counter, finished his breakfast, and relaxed for the day. He figured he would cook dinner, talk to April about moving in and the wedding. April got off work and headed to Luke’s apartment. [End Scene]
[Begin Scene] (Six days prior) April had moved in with Luke and was focused on picking her wedding dress. She never really paid attention to the price but was focused on style. At work she had suddenly gained a stalker from floor one. Somehow he would get to the third floor and indirectly harass April. She told Luke and they both joked about a man selling woman’s makeup, but only because he was being a creeper. The company had a security guard so nobody really thought much about it. Besides, Luke and April were having good times planning their wedding and future life. Luke told April about the wine and she thought it was “stupid to put a fowl looking wine inside a perfect wine bottle.” Luke kept it locked with his Champaign but refused to try it without April. [End scene]
April left for work and kissed Luke goodbye. It was a wonderful Friday which meant they would have the weekend together at last. The makeup company did half day Fridays so April just had to prevent fraud for 4 hours. The human resource job also dealt with hiring and firing. April’s stalker called in sick and her day got better. She couldn’t fire him since he wasn’t directly harassing her, which meant he could sue if she did. Yet everyone on the first floor talked about how he liked her. The day ended quickly and everyone packed up to go home. April packed up for the day and left the building. As April walked towards her car she noticed it sat unevenly. April found her tires slit and her windows smashed. April called Luke. Luke’s cell rang but no answer. Luckily he lived two miles away so April refused to get a ride from coworkers.
April was about halfway to Luke’s when she heard a click. She turned around to see her stalker. “I love you” he screamed. “If we can’t be together than we die together” he yelled before shooting April three times in the head and once in his own. Paramedics and police arrived at the scene only to pronounce them both dead. “It is obviously a murder suicide” the lead detective said with little interest or care. [End scene]
[Begin scene] *ring* *ring* Luke’s cellphone rang and he went to go grab it. Apparently he had left it in the living room while he took a shower. Luke answered to get the most terrible phone call imaginable. The head detective explained to Luke how April died, stating “she was shot in the head once and chest twice” and some other details. Luke dropped to his knees in tears but managed to hang onto his cell phone. He hung up after the detective told him it was a “murder suicide” and Luke just couldn’t bear the sadness he was overwhelmed with. Luke crawled from the living room to his bedroom and made his way to his laptop to search information about April’s death. He went to “get it”, the top internet search engine for getting information, and typed in “murder and homicide” along with April’s name. April’s face and text popped up and Luke just snapped. He threw his laptop across the room and screamed “I will kill the son of a bitch who did this!” Luke in a state of sadness totally overlooked the suicide part and left to the crime scene hoping to find the shooter in hand cuffs. Luke arrived at the scene and learned the truth only to start balling. The head detective walked over to Luke, gave him the wedding ring from on April’s finger and said “sorry pal” in an emotionally blank tone. [End scene]
[Begin scene] Luke went home and started drinking the days away. He finished everything, smashing the empty bottles against his bedroom wall. He hung a rope in a drunken state by nailing one end of a rope to his bedroom ceiling. Luke tied the other end of the rope into a noose and tried to hang himself. As he went to put the noose around his neck he fell over in a drunken state and passed out.  [End scene]
[Begin scene] (2 days before) Luke awoke and went to his Champaign closet just to find the black looking wine. He chugged it and placed the bottle on his kitchen counter. He left to get another bottle because he was not drunk enough. He came home with four and chugged as much Champaign as he could. He tied the noose around his neck and started talking to it. “Hey friend today is the day we do the deed” and other words as if he and the noose had a relationship. He went to the edge of his bed, placed the noose around his neck, and jumped only to pull the other end of the rope out of the wall. Luke hit the ground and passed out in a drunken blur. The next day Luke awoke and re did the noose. He bolted the rope to a stud in his bedroom ceiling and made sure it could hold his weight. He drank his Champaign, and had a conversation with the noose saying things like “why her man?” “Why the *censored* would they take her from me?” “You know you are my friend because you will take me too her!” He told the rope “not to let him down” and he tightened the noose around his neck. He inched forward only to back out. He wasn’t drunk enough for another suicide attempt so he cursed at the ceiling till he passed out.
Luke awoke with determination in his eyes. He looked in his bathroom mirror and said “want to know why I haven’t written a note” in a crazy voice before laughing as he said “I actually don’t know why!” Luke took a shower, shaved and dressed in his nicest tux. He threw empty Champaign bottles at his bedroom wall, *shatter* glass went everywhere, and he proceeded to his front door. “Today’s the day” he mumbled as he left to go get the missing ingredient to a perfect suicide; “A trip to the bar and a bottle for home” he laughed. Luke walked to the nearest bus stop and went to the first bar he saw. He decided to drink till he was cut off, which always happened when he started to talk loud with a case of diarrhea of the mouth. Then he went to the liquor store to buy a bottle of Champaign before heading home.

Chapter 2
Spoiler
[Begin scene] Luke had done the deed and was hanging by his neck, which had snapped. He faced one issue and that was that he was still alive. “*censored*” Luke screamed in pain as all his weight was bearing down on his broken neck. Luke was confused at why he was still alive, but didn’t bother to question it due to the amount of pain he was experiencing. He swung himself by the neck until his feed landed on his bed and he undid the noose. *pop* *crack* “*censored*!” Luke’s body started to heal itself. Luke was still drunk so he stumbled, got a stool from his kitchen, and tried again. “*censored*” Luke screamed as his neck snapped again. Once again he was alive and in pain. Luke got the noose off his neck and watched his neck heal in his bathroom mirror. He was too drunk for this so he laid down and went to sleep. [End scene]
[Begin scene] Luke awoke and wrote “because April’ with the black marker. He had finally written his suicide note. He tried to hang himself sober believing that his drunken self must have “popped his neck” out of place. Luke was perplexed at the fact that he could live through a broken neck and quickly got onto his mattress as the pain was unbearable. Luke then decided it would just be easier to slit his own throat. He went to his kitchen, grabbed a knife, and did the deed. Blood sprayed out everywhere, and he fell to his knees. Minuets passed and he didn’t even feel the urge to need to breathe. Shortly after his neck healed and the bleeding stopped, which pissed him off. Moments later Luke’s heart stopped beating and Luke was speechless as he had no idea what was going on. Luke was starting to think that he could not accomplish the one thing he wanted in life, and that being to die. Luke thought “I have broken human genetics with too much alcohol” assuming his cells had changed making him “the only unkillable person in Newmerica, and the world.” Luke got up off the kitchen floor, and went to buy more Champaign. His only logical conclusion was “if I drink more maybe I’ll be able to undo this.” [End scene]
[Begin scene] (THE ORIGIN OF Newmerica) Newmerica used to be called Merica. A ten year civil war broke out in Merica due to green within the government and the result was the formation of Newmerica. Newmerica was unstable when it was first formed, because nobody knew how to create a government that would never fall into the pockets of the rich and after five years without a real government problems arose. The west side of Newmerica wanted to go back to the system that was in place in Merica, but changing political terms to one year with no re-election. The west side wanted Newmerica to be an open forum. In the open forum idea, citizens would vote on every issue and a voting majority of 51% was required. This system was good for about thirty years before the uneducated were the majority of voters. The country slowly fell to turmoil as the uneducated population drove the country down. Military corruption ensued and Alas the Newmerican civil war broke out. The Newmerican civil war lasted five years and was brutal because there were no clear sides. It was the uneducated vs the educated and battles took place daily. Friendly fire was common as communication between territories was broken, all internet was shut down, and the country was in complete turmoil. A group of soldiers known as the “Red Cross” ended the Newmerican civil war by restoring internet to each territory of Newmerica. As the internet was restored people were able to communicate and the civil war quickly dissolved.
   Once the war was over it was decided that a military was required, but it had to be uncorrupt or else it would be an organized dictatorship. The “Red Cross” wanted to take over as the continental army, but the public did not want foot soldiers as man could be corrupted. The Red Cross dissolved into a bunch of militia’s and the private sector took over the role of the military. [End scene]
[Begin scene] The Newmerican Scientific Lab of Human Genetics (SLHG) is branch of the Newmerican military who competes with the Newmerican Robotics Lab of Protection and Incident Resolution (RLPIR) to find the most effective soldier. The SLHG is ran by professor Kilagonte and the focus of his research is instant genetic mutation. Kilagonte wants to take the idea of a mutant and make it a reality. His mindset being “mutants can be trained while cyborgs can be hacked.” The SLHG had a top secret program called “Liquid Genome”, but government cut funding because the RLPIR had developed the “perfect cyborg” who could run medical and law enforcement roles. Kilagonte had way too much pride in his work and took “Liquid Genome” with him when the SLHG closed. From there Kilagonte worked day and night creating what he called “DNA altering Fluids.” He believed that they would create the perfect mutants but with no funding came no test subjects. He drank the gold colored one and randomly mailed out the red, green, blue, brown, black, orange, and silver ones. He picked his test subjects using the Newmerican phone book. Each was masked as a wine and put in an exquisite wine bottle to add visual taste. A message of “why not” was placed on each note to add a brief challenge to those who questioned the random package. It was human psychology in his mind. Kilagonte figured the wines would be consumed and he could defy the RLPIR with mutants who could destroy the cyborgs. He knew there was a risk of death consuming experimental fluids but he was fine with that. Professor Kilagonte had placed a “mind blocker”, made from Nano bot technology, in each of the wines so he could control his mutants. One problem occurred. Kilagonte learned that the Nano bot’s were destroyed by the Fluid, because the one he put in his own gold “wine” did not work on himself. His only hope was to lure the mutants to his home laboratory with a public service message. The public service message would have to be approved by the RLPIR, the Newmerican’s official military, and that meant revealing Project Genome. The problem with the public service message would be that Kilagonte would not be able to explain the science behind the Fluids as it is classified and this meant Kilagonte’s public service announcement would have to be something like “come to my laboratory and I can fix you!” He told the Newmerican military about the mutants, and they were pissed off. They agreed to the public service announcement messages, but they were not going to let Kilagonte’s creations live. Cyborgs were sent to Kilagonte’s house, Kilagonte’s message was broadcasted across Newmerica on every possible TV and radio station, and the cyborgs were to shoot mutants on sight. Cyborgs were also sent out to look for the mutants. Kilagonte was supposed to narrow down the search by telling the RLPIR where he sent the Fluids, but he only remembered the territories they were sent too and not the addresses themselves. [End scene]
[Begin scene] The cyborg program was taking off but how the cyborgs were made violated more than a dozen laws. Top military generals wanted to create something to shut down the SLHG, since that would mean more funding and of course a fatter paycheck. New steroids were created that could increase body size and age a person forward ten years. That meant the optimal age for a cyborg trainee was 8 years old. Nobody could legally volunteer an eight year old so “Operation Orphanage” ensued. “Operation Orphanage” was a simple and illegal military operation where ten thousand Koin (10K000) was paid for each boy or girl aged 8. Five thousand orphans were collected, and trained in combat from age 8 till age 10. At age 10 they were injected with Alpha-Lima-Testosteroid (ALT), a high powered steroid. Puberty would ensue, bones would grow, and ten years of age would pass in a matter of hours. It had to be children because off the 10 year age passing. The other problem was that the ALT has a 79% fatality rate so training a child and feeding a child was cheaper than adults. The successful ALT’s were put into holding cells and given armor suits. One by one surgery would install the armor suits to size and the body would become one with the suit. The stomach would be removed and replaced by a battery and instead of nutrition all that was needed was electricity. Blood and oxygen would be required but cells would rely on electrical energy. Sleep and food would no longer be required making them the perfect solider. A kill switch was to be installed on each cyborg that could terminate an individual cyborg with a simple click of a button. Each cyborg was kept in a holding cell far underground, away from the children in training, and any other cyborg. This is because of an escape attempt that happened during the first 100 cyborgs. The goal of the RLPIR is to have 20,000 active cyborgs in the military and 10,000 in healthcare. [End scene]
[Being scene] The reason for the holding cells are because of an escape attempt. The original 100 revolted and tried to save the “to be turned” orphans. 1,000 orphans were gunned down and 99 of the cyborgs were killed. It was determined that the kill switch alone was not a motivator for preventing a revolt. The holding cells also keep things impersonal since cyborgs can fall in love. The imperfect part about a cyborg is that their feelings cannot be controlled. [End scene]
[Begin scene] Luke could not accept his fate. For two weeks he tried to kill himself in different ways. He tried electrocution, a bullet to the head, lighting himself on fire, stabbing his heart, suffocation, starvation, hypothermia, and consuming rat poison. Nothing worked and Luke finally gave up. He went to his living room, turned on his TV, and on every station all he saw was a public service announcement on repeat. “If you received wine in the mail from an unknown sender you may have accidently received a top secret military experiment. Has your body started acting strange? We can fix you! Come to the Newmerican Lab of Science and Genetics.” Luke connected the dots instantly. “The *censored*ing wine” Luke yelled. He was pissed off that he could not die and now he knew there was nothing he could do to kill himself. The SLHG was all the way across Newmerica, and he had little money. Luke was pissed off and in a state of rage he flipped off his TV. *BOOM* His TV caught flames and blew up. “What the *censored*” Luke yelled in a state of confusion. He dared to try it again blowing up his kitchen table with the flick of his middle finger. Luke had gained the “ultimate *censored* you”, and with that things became clear. “It’s a sick *censored*ing joke! I am a killing machine who can kill anything but only wants to kill itself” Luke yelled. “Time to put on my crazy face” was Luke’s last words before leaving his apartment with a bottle of Champaign. [End Scene]
[INSERT MAP OF NEWMERICA HERE]
[Begin scene] Amanda is a hard worker who cares for her mother and worked while in school. She had but a one bedroom apartment in Ashburn’s market district. Amanda spent her free time helping her mom shop, cook, clean, and other tasks. Her apartment was lined with pink walls, gold carpets, glass cook wear, blue furniture, and a couch that popped right out into a futon. Being 30 and single was a drag but college and career came first. Amanda would easily make five hundred Koin (5K00) per hour, and after college that would double. The Market district is the most expensive district in Ashburn and the second most expensive district in Newmerica. Her apartment alone costs thirty thousand Koin (30K000) per month, and food is not cheap either. Amanda so happened to have a bottled up wild side and she would spend one day a month letting herself loose in the club. She prided herself on fine wine and drunken dancing. Amanda kept her routine up. She would go to her teller job at the Market Street Stock Exchange, help her mom out, and study. This routine worked until a package arrived in the mail for her. “Amanda, you have a package” her mother exclaimed. Amanda opened the package to find what appeared to be a green colored wine. Amanda was ecstatic to try it and slowly downed the whole bottle. She went to sleep, woke up, and went to work. At work she felt her eyes changing and decided to go to the restroom. Her pupils had become dilated and they turned rainbow. She looked at a co-worker and screams presumed. “What have you done to me? You drugged me” the lady yelled. Amanda panicked, put on her sun glasses, and left work for home. The Ashburn Stock Exchange called the local militia, because militia had taken over the role of the police. The militia made a report and the RLPIR was notified of “a lady whose eyes can cause an LSD trip.” [End scene]
[Begin scene] Amanda’s mother had been watching TV and was surprised to see Amanda home so early. She told Amanda about Luke and how he was blowing up things on the coast of Ashburn, which was on the opposite side of Ashburn. “Apparently cyborgs were sent out to stop him” her mother said. Amanda was scared she would also make the local news but luckily for her she did not. She kept the sunglasses on and told her mother she was sick so she was going to bed. [End scene]
[Begin scene] Amanda awoke to screams from her mother. “I’ve been shot” Amanda’s mother yelled. Amanda ran down the hall to help her mother, and saw two cyborgs standing above her mother, who had been shot in the chest. The cyborgs looked at Amanda, pointed their guns, and fired. Just as they fired at Amanda, she put up her hands in a stop motion. The bullets lost all energy and Amanda had drained the life force out of the cyborgs. She ran to her mother but it was obvious her mother was on the brink of death. “I love you” were her mother’s last words. Amanda’s skin had gotten smoother and her tears fell like waterfalls. Flash backs of memories played in her mind highlighting what her mother had done for her. Amanda got up and left because she had to “find the guy blowing up things” as he might have answers. Amanda laughed to cheer herself up. “I have drug vision and my hands can kill people. What a *censored*ing day” she thought. She knew it had to have been the wine because it was from an unknown sender with a note saying “why not.” “This is why not” she screamed as she drove towards Luke’s location. “Maybe, just maybe he would have answers” she thought to herself. She knew she could find him since blow up things tend to leave their own marks and he was on foot from what her mother had told her. [End scene]
[Begin scene] The residential district of Ashburn had smoke everywhere. Trails of cars on fire lined a path. “He really made it this easy” she was perplexed and amused. The trail of fire led to a bar and outside of the bar were cyborgs. “Units 1-3 go inside while 4-8 will stand ground.” The cyborg commander stated his orders and a giant explosion occurred. “*censored* off I’m drinking” Luke yelled. Amanda had no choice but to help so she got out of her car and life drained the remaining four cyborgs. “Hey you get out of the bar Mr. Luke” Amanda yelled. “Now who the *censored* are you” Luke asked in a drunken slur. “I’m Amanda. Come out or I will personally end your life” she yelled. Luke was intrigued by this proposition and laughed. “Maybe you and I could be friends. Just come in here and kill me you bitch” Luke yelled in a drunker slur. Amanda was left with no choice and mumbled “I’m going to kill this *censored*.” She entered the bar, put up her hands, and Luke laughed. “Why isn’t it working” she said in a confused voice. “That solves the puzzle! I have no life” Luke exclaimed. Luke got up, turned to her and said “hello friend I am Luke and April is dead.” Luke pulled up a chair and told Amanda to take a seat. Amanda replied “so is my mother” and she took a seat. [End scene]
[Begin scene] Amanda and Luke conversed learning a lot about each other. “So you blow stuff up with your middle fingers and I make people trip on acid” Amanda said. “How do you know it was Acid” Luke asked. “That’s what the lady said it was” Amanda replied. The conversation continued filled with bar jokes and Luke told Amanda about what happened to April. Amanda told Luke about “how the cyborgs killed her mother”, and with that she had an idea. “If you cannot die maybe there is a way to bring the dead back to life” she said with excitement. Unlike Amanda, Luke was doubtful about raising the dead. The two of them slowly drank themselves to sleep and when they awoke they kept drinking. “I’m hungry” Amanda said, and Luke laughed and said “check the kitchen for bar food! I don’t eat because I can’t die!” Amanda went off to cook food and Luke kept drinking, but something started to happen. He was slowly sobering up quicker than he could get drunk. “*censored* they took away my right to get drunk” Luke yelled. Amanda ran out of the kitchen, yelled “try this you bitch”, took off her glasses, and looked Luke straight in the eyes. Luke sat still and not a word came out of his mouth. “Enjoy that LSD trip you *censored*” Amanda said. Luke’s mouth turned to a gigantic frown and tears started to fall from his eyes. “I can’t get drunk, I can’t get high, and I can’t die! What a cruel *censored*ing world” Luke said as he fell into a bout of depression.

I'm at chapter 23 for reference but I'd like to work on the first 10 as there is alot of character developement/ side stories that need to happen


Offline EsDee

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Re: FLUID- I need 2 very skilled writers (edited)
« Reply #5 on: September 04, 2017, 03:44:12 PM »
Dude I've gotta say, I like the concept a lot. You picked something that isn't that easy to work with. You've just gotta be careful with a story like this; there's a thin line between making it awesome and making it suck.
I'd be glad to offer my literary skills if you need any help. Just send a PM. :thumbsup:

Offline Hikari

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Re: FLUID- I need 2 very skilled writers (edited)
« Reply #6 on: September 04, 2017, 08:34:15 PM »
Yo! From looking over the first two chapters briefly its quite an interesting concept. You looking to make this into a manga?

Offline bandile

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Re: FLUID- I need 2 very skilled writers (edited)
« Reply #7 on: September 12, 2017, 03:40:16 AM »
wow! a very good plot.! good luck