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Author Topic: My Fan fictions first chapter  (Read 2233 times)

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Offline Kage Withers

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My Fan fictions first chapter
« on: June 16, 2016, 10:19:38 PM »
Give me your honest opinions please...

Wealth, fame, power! Gold Roger the king of the pirates obtained this and everything else the World had to offer. His dying words drove countless souls to the seas."You want my treasure? You can have it! I left everything I gathered together in one place. Now you just have to find it!" These words lured men to the grand line, pursuing dreams greater than they ever dared to imagine. This is the time known as the great pirate era. One girl will also pursue her dreams. Her name is Monkey D. Lily! Her vision, to become Queen of the Pirates! Her course has been set. She will achieve great things and meet amazing friends on her voyage. So come along! Let the adventure begin!

Small Fishing Port of Foosha...

A pirate crew know as "The Red Haired" Pirates. Have been docked at the small port for sometime now. They mostly stayed at the local tavern known as "Party's Bar and Inn". "More sake for everyone! To a day of drinking!" "CHEERS!" This man is Captain "Red Haired" Shanks. A laid back man, who is always up for a drink and a good time. He has long red flowing hair and is always wearing an old yellow straw hat. His crew, ironically is that same way with the drinking and parties. He has landed here at the small port to relax, and settle down from his voyage. "You all seem quite thirsty. I'm guessing the seas will do that to you." A young women with dark hair and a bandanna, smiled. This is Makino, a close friend to Shanks. She does bartering and cleaning at the tavern. "Yes ma'am seas are very rough on man's thirst." The red haired captain smiled, downing his bottle of sake. Makino giggled slightly. "Well... another bottle gone..." "SHANKS!" Suddenly a shout from a young girl could be heard from outside. The man rolled his eyes and lowered his head. Knowing who the voice belonged to. Makino smiled softly and patted his shoulder. "I can't believe she's at it again..." He sighed laying down his straw hat. "She really does seem to look up to you though." Makino just smiled. "Eh... I know. I just can't let her join so young though." He put his straw hat back on and walked towards the door, Makino following behind him. When he got outside he was amazed to see a young girl, with messy long black hair, in a white no sleeve dress standing from the sail of their ship. "I'M GOING TO SHOW MY PAIN TOLERANCE,THAT WAY YOU CAN SEE I'M STRONG ENOUGH TO JOIN YOUR CREW!" This young girl of 7, is Monkey D. Lily. A young girl who has been trying to show off to Shanks in hopes he will accept her into his crew. She also dreams of one day becoming Queen of the Pirates. "Lily get down from there!" Makino shouted worriedly. Lily pulled out a small dagger. 'NOT TILL I PROVE TO SHANKS I'M STRONG ENOUGH!" She lifted the dagger towards her cheek, taking a deep breath. "OWWW!"

Lily sat on the bar stool as Makino patched up her wounded cheek. She had failed to impress again. "Lily you shouldn't have done that! You could have poked out your eye." She scowled Lily. She put the first aid kit back on the top shelf in the pantry. "Ah! It didn't hurt! I can't show signs of being afraid or in pain, if I wanna be a pirate." Lily stood on the stool, showing pride in what she said. Makino couldn't help, but laugh at the young girl's pose. "Well, just do it more safely next time." Lily climbed down and crossed her arms. "Pirates don't think safety. They go head on into danger!" She said before running from the pantry. Makino smiled and watched as the young girl scaled the stool beside the red haired captain. Shanks looked over at Lily as he sat down the bottle of sake. "Well my lady, you seem to be looking better." Lily looked down angrily. "It didn't hurt! I never felt it." She said with confidence. The red haired man couldn't help, but laugh. "I bet it didn't." She slightly pulled at his shirt sleeve, trying to get his attention. "Shanks? Please take me on your next adventure! Please I just wanna be a pirate..." He looked up and began to think, as he took another swig from the bottle. "Eh... Come back to in about 9 more years and we'll see." He smirked. Lily's eyes widened at his words. "9 Years!" Shanks burst out laughing at the young girl's reaction. "Yep, by then you'll most likely know how to swim." He ruffled her messy black, still laughing. Lily on on the other hand began mumbling, not so nice words about Shanks, under her breath.

Suddenly, the tavern door slammed open with a loud Thud! Wind blew through out the room as a man walked through the door. His left side had a scar extending from his forehead to his eye, with that he had ragged clothing and a scraggy black beard, with his hair done up. There were two other rugged looking goons with him. He looked around the bar as a smirk crawled across his face. "I, smells kinda bad in here... Oh! No wonder it's full of pirates." He chuckled, as his goons joined in on the laugh. He walked over towards the bar smiling at Makino, which sent a shiver down her spine. "We don't want trouble. We just need two barrels of your finest sake." Makino looked down and then slowly lifted her head back up, her hands began to shake nervously, Which Shanks caught note of. "Sir... I'm sorry to say this, but we are all out..." He rolled his eyes and grumbled, before slamming his hands down laughing. "Well then, I wonder what all these pirates are drinking? Water?" Shanks knew things would escalate from there. "Look, I'm feeling nice today. I have a bottle right here." He took his teeth and uncorked the top of the bottle. "Come on, I don't mind sharing." The man laughed and took the bottle. "Funny..." He pushed Shanks down his head hitting the bar, and poured the bottle of sake on the red haired captain's head. "Do you know who I am?" The man asked pulling out a wrinkled piece of paper from his pocket. "I'm a bandit with an 8,000,000 berries bounty on my head." He said showing Shanks his wanted poster, before putting it back into his pocket. "I don't share with scum like you, stealing it would be better." He laughed throwing the bottle down, as glass shattered everywhere. The bandit turned and walked towards the door, as he turned the knob he turned around and looked down at Shanks. "If you're fond of your life, never make me out to be a fool again." He laughed, as his goons soon followed behind with their secondary laughs. As soon as the door closed Shanks's crew cried out in laughter. "Ohahah! He got you good Captain!" As the bar filled with laughter. Makino walked around the bar with a towel to find Shanks him also laughing. "I guess he did huh?" The redhead laughed. Makino also soon joined in as she dried him off with the towel. Lily stood up. "Why are you laughing!? You should have stood up for your honor!" Shanks stood up and patted Lily on the back. "It's fine Lily. No one was hurt, and it's better to laugh then be angry." Lily frowned. Was that really true when honor was on the line..?

A few weeks later...

The "Red Haired" Pirates crew had left the small village, on voyage to a neighboring one for resupplies. This also left the local tavern fairly quiet and left Lily in the large room with Makino, thinking something's over to herself. Makino finished drying one of the glasses and put it into the glass cabinet behind the bar. She looked back at Lily, sitting there with her head laying against one of bar. "Do you miss them Lily?" She looked up at Makino and slightly shrugged. "Yeah..." Makino couldn't help, but feel sorry for the young girl, knowing the pirate crew brought her happiness. "They should be back soon Lily." She smiled and walked around the bar and sat down beside Lily. She gently patted her back, trying to comfort her a little. "Ah... It's fine I'm just confused about Shanks not taking up for himself..." She said, as she raised her head up from the table. "Lily I just think somethings are better to laugh at, then just be angry." Lily smiled a let out a small laugh. "Makino you don't get it, a pirate has to keep his honor." She smiled softly and laughed with the small girl. "I guess I don't understand then." She stood up from the stool and went back to work drying glasses. "Man I'm starving!" Lily groaned as she hopped down from the stool. Makino couldn't help but find it adorable, as the young girl walked towards the pantry. Lily entered the large room and looked around inside one of the barrels of fruit. Lily pulled out a large purple fruit, with odd lines all over it. "This looks tasty! Lily opened her mouth, taking a huge bite of the strange looking fruit. "Yuck! Ewww... It's super bitter..." Lily took her hands and began rubbing them against her tongue, trying to rid her tongue of the awful taste. She walked out the pantry and sat back up on her stool, still rubbing her tongue. "Can I have some water...? I think I ate a bad fruit..." Makino giggled and got a glass from above the bar. "I should go through those I guess..." Suddenly the door to the tavern opened. "It smells a lot better now, with those pirates gone." Lily looked up from the bar, knowing the familiar tone. "Bandits!"

Lily looked over her shoulder at the then rugged looking bandit, who made Shanks look bad. His smirk widened as he walked over to the bar and sat down by Lily. "Hopefully those scum bags didn't drink up the alcohol this time." Lily jumped down from the stool she was setting in, shooting a glare at the bandit. "That's my friends you're talking about!" She said, drawing back her leg and kicking the bandit in the knee. He stumbled from his seat, holding his knee. "You little brat! You're gonna pay for that!" His two goons grabbed Lily and threw her outside door on to the ground. The bandit walked outside and drew his sword, holding his foot against Lily's chest. "You take up for a bunch of scum? Too bad they won't see your bravery." He smirked as he raised the sword above him, preparing to stab Lily.  "NOT SO FAST BANDIT!!!" The man stopped looking over to see that the red haired pirate captain had returned. "T-there back!?" Lily smiled widely at the sight of Shanks and his crew. "I heard you stood up for me Lily, thank you for that." He smiled and placed his hand on his sword's grip. "Okay bandit listen here. You can laugh me, push me around, and even pour a drink on me, but... Good reason or not, no one hurts my friends!" Lily looked down as small tears formed in her eyes. What Shanks said, had really touched her heart. "Shanks..." She wrapped her arms around him tightly locking him into a hug, thing is... Her body had stretched over to Shanks while her legs and torso was still under the bandits feet. Shanks's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "The fruit from the enemy ship!" He pulled out a drawing of a purple round fruit, with strange lines on it. "Lily did you eat this fruit!?" Lily studied the picture carefully. "Oh! Yeah, I had it for dessert. It was super bitter though..." Shanks's jaw dropped even further, knowing Lily had eaten the devil fruit. "Lily this means your whole body is rubber!" Lily looked down, putting her finger on her lips. "Hmm... Sounds pretty cool." Shanks slammed his hand against his face. "Lily! This means you'll never learn to swim!" Lily's eyes widened, at the thought. "What!?!?" The bandit shook his head in confusion. He darted over behind his two goons, trembling slightly. One of them pulled a pistol, his hand shaking as he aimed it towards Shanks. "Don't come closer ye hear!" Shanks chuckled, as he slowly walked towards the bandit. "If ye fonds ye life!" "You must not be too fond of your's waving that gun around." Shanks smiled, when a large man with a piece of meat, pulled his pistol and shot the bandit in the head. "Now I think I'll claim that nice bounty on your head." The bandit stood up grabbing Lily. "Never!" He shouted as a cloud of smoke blurred Shanks and his crew. Once it cleared, the bandit and Lily had disappeared. "Dammit a smoke bomb! To the docks!"

The bandit threw Lily into the small boat and pushed it from the shore, as he hopped inside. "Who would have thought? A mountain bandit escaping by sea." He chuckled to himself. Shanks will kill you when he finds you!" "Shut up brat!" The bandit screamed, as he grabbed his oars. He felt a breeze against his back and looked behind him as he saw a giant sea monster staring into his eyes. "S-s-sea Monster!!!" The bandit yelled, as the monster opened its mouth widely. Biting down on the bandit and tearing the small boat in half. Lily landed in the water and her body became motionless. The sea monster locked eyes on it's prey and dove beneath the waves, as it swam quickly towards. She closed her eyes waiting for the bite, but there was nothing. Lily looked up to see Shanks had stepped in front of her and the monster. The monster saw its next opportunity and swam towards Shanks. As it got closer Shanks looked at the monster, his face showing anger and annoyance. The monster suddenly stopped and looked at him, fear filling the creature's body. "Get out of here!" Shanks shouted, the monster slowly descending beneath the waves. Shanks then turned his attention back towards Lily, tightly hugging her. "Your safe Lily it's okay..." Lily looked over to Shanks's left noticing his arm had been bitten off by the monster. Droplets of blood dripped in the water turning it a pale maroon color. She laid her against his chest, as tears fell on to his tattered white shirt. "S-shanks...." He gently patted her back, trying to comfort her. "Hey, hey... Don't cry now Lily it's over..." Lily looked up, tears rolling down her cheeks. "But S-shanks... Your arm..." She cried into his chest. "It's just an arm... It's a small price to pay, to know you're safe..."

1 Month later...

The Red Haired Pirates were packing their supplies up for their voyage. Lily watched as the crew loaded crates and barrels on to the ship. "Is it true you're not ever coming back?" Lily said as she stood from the steps of the dock. "Yep! We're packing up and heading back out on the voyage." "I'm not going to ask you to take me with you this time." Shanks chuckled, not believing her at first. "Is that so? Ah, I wouldn't take you with me anyways" Lily crossed her arms and stuck her tongue out him. "No, I decided to become a pirate on my own! And find a crew that's as strong as your's!" Shanks smirked and took off his straw hat, a gust of wind blowing his red hair to one side. He walked over to Lily and placed the yellow old straw hat on her head. Tears rolled down her cheeks, knowing how import the hat was to Shanks. "Then take this... When you become a strong pirate give it back to me. Till that day hold on to for me." Shanks smiled, turning and walking back to the ship. "She has the attitude... Kind of like me when I was a runt..." A tear fell from his eye thinking of Lily, he would miss the little troublemaker. "Raise the anchor! We're setting sail!" Shanks slowly turned and looked over his shoulders. "Take care of yourself kiddo..." Lily stood from the dock with Makino and watched as they sailed away out of sight. Lily's adventure will begin from this very same port.

I hope you guys like it, I would really like some feed back on my Fan Fiction  ;D