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Author Topic: Need help developing my story!  (Read 4345 times)

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Offline blankcanvas03

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Need help developing my story!
« on: May 26, 2016, 03:27:36 PM »
So my story started out as a naruto fanfiction and still to this day i'm making changes to my story that is necessary. i want to do away with chakra and the concept of how ninjas use their powers and come up with something different but i'm stumped! :noidea: i want to keep the idea of ninjas using supernatural powers but i'm trying my best to migrate away from the idea of using hand signs to perform jutsus and that chakra is needed to perform jutsus. i want to come up with another means of how the shinobi in my story can use their powers. can someone brainstorm a few ideas with me?  :notunderstand:

Also in my story, i have a character who is bound by a spell and is imprisoned. He can be freed by another character but she can only summon him under certain conditions and i'm having problems with working out these conditions. like, i'm having issues with when she can summon him, and when he has to return to his eternal prison.  :thumbsdown:
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Offline OhGodHelpMe

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Re: Need help developing my story!
« Reply #1 on: May 26, 2016, 03:36:39 PM »
Do you still want the concept of jutsu in the story? Because if so, you'll have to come up with a different source of power for those jutsus

Offline Flames

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Re: Need help developing my story!
« Reply #2 on: May 26, 2016, 03:46:21 PM »
Hmm, well, for starters basically you want one of your people to summon another because hes imprisoned until released from certain conditions. When you say that, I think seal's and talisman's, however that sort of falls under an exorcist type of situation, or necromancer far from shinobi, closet being shrine maidens.

So, why not just make something with ninja scrolls! But instead of weaving signs, the user needs to offer something up, to release said person's seal or receive some form of power's for an amount of time. In a sense Naruto does this somewhat when they summon the frogs and what not, but aside from that fact they really aren't that important later on. You can do it in a more robust way in which the scrolls are much more important and have meaning, like personal scrolls that use up your life or power something like that. Or possibly moving away from the scrolls after receiving an item or some sort like a charm.


Let me know what you think.
« Last Edit: May 26, 2016, 03:51:32 PM by Flames117 »
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Offline blankcanvas03

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Re: Need help developing my story!
« Reply #3 on: May 26, 2016, 04:29:52 PM »
Do you still want the concept of jutsu in the story? Because if so, you'll have to come up with a different source of power for those jutsus

i would if i was able to make it more original. what would be a good way to keep the concept of jutsus?
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Offline blankcanvas03

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Re: Need help developing my story!
« Reply #4 on: May 26, 2016, 04:41:09 PM »
Hmm, well, for starters basically you want one of your people to summon another because hes imprisoned until released from certain conditions. When you say that, I think seal's and talisman's, however that sort of falls under an exorcist type of situation, or necromancer far from shinobi, closet being shrine maidens.

So, why not just make something with ninja scrolls! But instead of weaving signs, the user needs to offer something up, to release said person's seal or receive some form of power's for an amount of time. In a sense Naruto does this somewhat when they summon the frogs and what not, but aside from that fact they really aren't that important later on. You can do it in a more robust way in which the scrolls are much more important and have meaning, like personal scrolls that use up your life or power something like that. Or possibly moving away from the scrolls after receiving an item or some sort like a charm.


Let me know what you think.

funny cause at first i had it that way with the scrolls. the girl in my story who can summon this other character, she could use a blood sacrifice. but i thought about changing it, to what i'm not sure. i'm not sure if you've seen the anime called Noien, but I thought about using something similar to what the main character uses to activate the dragon torc. it'll look like a necklace, but when said character is in danger it'll activate causing it to appear around her neck and then it summons him. and just like you mentioned the spell does use up her life, and the spell itself causes adverse effects on her. i wish i knew how to upload pictures, i would show you pictures of the dragon torc i mentioned so you can kinda see where i'm coming from. i like the ideas. using some kind of charm sounds good especially for the necklace part that i mentioned.

« Last Edit: May 26, 2016, 04:47:46 PM by blankcanvas03 »
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Offline Flames

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Re: Need help developing my story!
« Reply #5 on: May 26, 2016, 05:01:38 PM »
No, I haven't seen it sorry : (

So, if you want to keep it ninja-isque, a charm is probably a good way to go. For starters, I think you have to ask if the girl is going to be playing a back row in the fighting. Is she going to lead the charge all the time or is he going to be in the front lines. I think that should be established in order to fit the "cost" of her power use.

Like if, she has a different weapon and doesn't use "him" as much only when it matters or something like that.

I can think of scenarios  pertaining to this.

Example, for one thing, if shes trying to help him escape, does it mean that she needs to use up her "life power" in order to release him thus, in a sense exchanging her life for his.

Or,  the one trying to escape/imprisoned doesn't really care about the girl and eventually just wants to take over to be free or something like that. In the opposite case will she try to discipline him into having to do all her bidding. Or even her eventually turning on "him" in some way thus becoming evil or something herself. (sorry, i tend to lose track thinking of different scenarios and stories.)

In this sense I think something like a charm with seal's on it, that eventually all start to light up one by one, unlocking newer powers or compatibility, but on the downside giving her even more of the effects as the story goes on. Now, if the plot demands it, she would need to fight in her own way without using that power right? She's not exactly asking for a death wish is she( Could be idk ._.). But yeah, she would need something else in this case some other item might be needed in order to fill the void of her just self inflicting harm.

So to sum it all up...
 A Charm/Necklace seem like a good idea. The amount of toll it takes on her. How is the fighting distributed. Who is going to take the fighting charge. Does she have another form of fighting. I think would be good points to think about when thinking of these powers.

 



« Last Edit: May 26, 2016, 05:09:39 PM by Flames117 »
Message me for any assistance you need! I'd be glad to help.

Offline blankcanvas03

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Re: Need help developing my story!
« Reply #6 on: May 26, 2016, 05:18:08 PM »
No, I haven't seen it sorry : (

So, if you want to keep it ninja-isque, a charm is probably a good way to go. For starters, I think you have to ask if the girl is going to be playing a back row in the fighting. Is she going to lead the charge all the time or is he going to be in the front lines. I think that should be established in order to fit the "cost" of her power use.

Like if, she has a different weapon and doesn't use "him" as much only when it matters or something like that.

I can think of scenarios  pertaining to this.

Example, for one thing, if shes trying to help him escape, does it mean that she needs to use up her "life power" in order to release him thus, in a sense exchanging her life for his.

Or,  the one trying to escape/imprisoned doesn't really care about the girl and eventually just wants to take over to be free or something like that. In the opposite case will she try to discipline him into having to do all her bidding. Or even her eventually turning on "him" in some way thus becoming evil or something herself. (sorry, i tend to lose track thinking of different scenarios and stories.)

In this sense I think something like a charm with seal's on it, that eventually all start to light up one by one, unlocking newer powers or compatibility, but on the downside giving her even more of the effects as the story goes on. Now, if the plot demands it, she would need to fight in her own way without using that power right? She's not exactly asking for a death wish is she( Could be idk ._.). But yeah, she would need something else in this case some other item might be needed in order to fill the void of her just self inflicting harm.

So to sum it all up...  A Charm/Necklace seem like a good idea. The amount of toll it takes on her. How is the fighting distributed. Who is going to take the fighting charge. Does she have another form of fighting. I think would be good points to think about when thinking of these powers.

oh no, they are close and have a close relationship with one another. see, in my story during the time when he was free, he had a twin brother who was jealous of him. he was jealous of his power, status, and his life overall. so out of jealousy he sealed his brother away with this spell and in the process his twin brother murdered his family (wife, and kids) and it just devastated his life completely. the spell keeps who or whatever is bound by the spell alive and whatever is bound to it can't age. then hundreds of years down the road, he meets the girl who freed him and over time they eventually become extremely close. he then vowed to protect her since she summons him and allows him chances to experience freedom every so often. but she can only summon him under certain condition. i think out of all my characters they have the best relationship with one another. and i would say no she doesn't use him all the time during battle. i would say both of them take chances to be on the front lines and he tends to step in really when she needs help or if he sees that an attack is about to seriously harm her and if he feels that she can't within it with her strength alone.

and yes the spell does give her more effects as the story goes on.
« Last Edit: May 26, 2016, 05:21:20 PM by blankcanvas03 »
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Offline passerby

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Re: Need help developing my story!
« Reply #7 on: May 26, 2016, 11:04:02 PM »
It would be difficult to fulfill your request without changing the meaning of ninjas or keeping jujitsu.  Ninjas are known for other means other than combat as Naruto portrays them to be.  So what are ninja's in your story?  Describe them to me what their roles/objectives are.  That way I can suggest what better suits your needs instead of randomly chugging out ideas that won't suit your mind. 


Offline blankcanvas03

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Re: Need help developing my story!
« Reply #8 on: May 27, 2016, 01:34:13 AM »
It would be difficult to fulfill your request without changing the meaning of ninjas or keeping jujitsu.  Ninjas are known for other means other than combat as Naruto portrays them to be.  So what are ninja's in your story?  Describe them to me what their roles/objectives are.  That way I can suggest what better suits your needs instead of randomly chugging out ideas that won't suit your mind.

That's one thing also that I need help too with development on what the ninjas do. I was thinking along the lines of assassination and spying. I guess first I should ask what are ninjas normally known for that you know?
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Offline passerby

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Re: Need help developing my story!
« Reply #9 on: May 27, 2016, 03:13:27 AM »
Contradicting to their beliefs, Ninjas are in ways just a fancier word for Spies.  In short they are for hire, mercenaries.  They spy, sought information, sabotage, hide in disguise, and of course assassination.  No true ninja ever wants to be revealed, else how can they perform their impossible mission if people knew their names or what they look like.  In history the best Ninjas are never known because that's a Ninja's true path.  Much like a Samurai's "Way of the Warrior", Bushido.  Of course people have their own ideals and beliefs and to this day that hasn't change either. 

Samurai's are not all good doers that follow by the Bushido code.  Ninjas are the same way.  They will fight dirty, cheat, and do anything to gain the advantage in a fight.  Mostly to flee and not do battle.  They do this in history because they are often have inferior equipment, when compared to an armed Samurai, plus they need to travel lightly.  Of course there are more than one type of ninjas and some ninjas do excel in combat arts. 

One of my favorites Ninja stories involves Yukumara Sanada, a samurai, during the Sengoku Warring Period.  It says in legend that Yukumara was invincible during battles and would often be "unharmed".  Some speculate that the source of his "invincibility" was because he secretly had a Ninja that aid him in battle.  And many times he would escape "impossible scenarios" with this ninja's help.  This Ninja's was never known or if existed at all. 

Blah, blah, blah enough of a history lesson and what I known cuz I ain't got the reference for it anyways (it's been a long time since I read up on those).  More or less this is a fictional story and you can make them do whatever you want them to do.  TBH, if you don't know what direction you want to head in then chance are I can't help you much because this is your story.  I'll gladly help you out, but I won't dictate the tempo. 

IMO, I'd say you should scratch the whole story.  Yeah, I know what your thinking.  But sometimes when your stuck in a BIG rut like you are now where your clueless.  The best thing to do is rewrite your whole story and re-imagine everything.  You might just find the answers to your questions or you might create something even better.  I've done this before so I can ensure you it does yield promising results. 

My 2 cents.  Based on some of the information you'd provide I feel that you could drop the whole "Ninja Theme" all together.  Perhaps approach more of a "Summoner" sort of theme.  Like Card Captor or Fate Stay/Night if you need a reference.  If your keen on keeping your original format then I'll need a story synopsis to paint a clearer picture of what I'm working with here.

Let me know what you think and I'll get back to you.
« Last Edit: May 27, 2016, 03:18:38 AM by passerby »

Offline RaziKitsune

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Re: Need help developing my story!
« Reply #10 on: May 27, 2016, 03:28:30 AM »

My 2 cents.  Based on some of the information you'd provide I feel that you could drop the whole "Ninja Theme" all together.  Perhaps approach more of a "Summoner" sort of theme.  Like Card Captor or Fate Stay/Night if you need a reference. 

I agree with that idea. Your story, from what I can tell so far, could easily capture a "summoner" feel. If you like to keep with some of the ninja aspects - like scrolls/seals. It can still work! Maybe they have to write on a piece of paper to summon - do a little chant, or maybe like you said earlier; place a sacrificial drop of blood to "tie" the two together in some how. The sky is the limit or however that phrase is said.

I myself am having trouble with my own story being similar to certain shows. The major one being "The last Airbender/Avatar". So I feel your pain when you are trying to do something similar without it being too similar. >.<;
« Last Edit: May 27, 2016, 03:30:37 AM by RaziKitsune »

Offline blankcanvas03

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Re: Need help developing my story!
« Reply #11 on: May 27, 2016, 11:45:47 AM »

My 2 cents.  Based on some of the information you'd provide I feel that you could drop the whole "Ninja Theme" all together.  Perhaps approach more of a "Summoner" sort of theme.  Like Card Captor or Fate Stay/Night if you need a reference. 

I agree with that idea. Your story, from what I can tell so far, could easily capture a "summoner" feel. If you like to keep with some of the ninja aspects - like scrolls/seals. It can still work! Maybe they have to write on a piece of paper to summon - do a little chant, or maybe like you said earlier; place a sacrificial drop of blood to "tie" the two together in some how. The sky is the limit or however that phrase is said.

I myself am having trouble with my own story being similar to certain shows. The major one being "The last Airbender/Avatar". So I feel your pain when you are trying to do something similar without it being too similar. >.<;

Not every character I have summons. Just one. The rest however I didn't give this ability. I was just really wanting to ask about the jutsu and hand sign part. Like how could I make it a little more original so that when attacks are performed what I can make them do instead. And aa far as chakra goes I would need a new power source.

I think the summoning part got most of the attention lol. I need to work that out as well.
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Offline blankcanvas03

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Re: Need help developing my story!
« Reply #12 on: May 27, 2016, 11:51:17 AM »
Contradicting to their beliefs, Ninjas are in ways just a fancier word for Spies.  In short they are for hire, mercenaries.  They spy, sought information, sabotage, hide in disguise, and of course assassination.  No true ninja ever wants to be revealed, else how can they perform their impossible mission if people knew their names or what they look like.  In history the best Ninjas are never known because that's a Ninja's true path.  Much like a Samurai's "Way of the Warrior", Bushido.  Of course people have their own ideals and beliefs and to this day that hasn't change either. 

Samurai's are not all good doers that follow by the Bushido code.  Ninjas are the same way.  They will fight dirty, cheat, and do anything to gain the advantage in a fight.  Mostly to flee and not do battle.  They do this in history because they are often have inferior equipment, when compared to an armed Samurai, plus they need to travel lightly.  Of course there are more than one type of ninjas and some ninjas do excel in combat arts. 

One of my favorites Ninja stories involves Yukumara Sanada, a samurai, during the Sengoku Warring Period.  It says in legend that Yukumara was invincible during battles and would often be "unharmed".  Some speculate that the source of his "invincibility" was because he secretly had a Ninja that aid him in battle.  And many times he would escape "impossible scenarios" with this ninja's help.  This Ninja's was never known or if existed at all. 

Blah, blah, blah enough of a history lesson and what I known cuz I ain't got the reference for it anyways (it's been a long time since I read up on those).  More or less this is a fictional story and you can make them do whatever you want them to do.  TBH, if you don't know what direction you want to head in then chance are I can't help you much because this is your story.  I'll gladly help you out, but I won't dictate the tempo. 

IMO, I'd say you should scratch the whole story.  Yeah, I know what your thinking.  But sometimes when your stuck in a BIG rut like you are now where your clueless.  The best thing to do is rewrite your whole story and re-imagine everything.  You might just find the answers to your questions or you might create something even better.  I've done this before so I can ensure you it does yield promising results. 

My 2 cents.  Based on some of the information you'd provide I feel that you could drop the whole "Ninja Theme" all together.  Perhaps approach more of a "Summoner" sort of theme.  Like Card Captor or Fate Stay/Night if you need a reference.  If your keen on keeping your original format then I'll need a story synopsis to paint a clearer picture of what I'm working with here.

Let me know what you think and I'll get back to you.

I'm kinda wanting to keep the ninja theme. See not all of my characters summon. I just had one character who could summon which is a girl character. The others I just gave supernatural abilities and some come from clans that already have special power. I was inquiring about the summoning part too but I was mostly wanting to know about how I could make it more original so that I won't have to use the hand sign and jutsu concept from naruto. The last guy who helped me I do agree with one of his points. To replace jutsu I would need a different power source. I'm not sure what I could use to replace the hand signs other than scrolls.

I do understand your point though about starting all over. I wouldn't say I'm clueless about the direction, because this is something I've began since I was 14 of age, now currently 23. If I could tweak the part about hand signd and a new power source other than jutsu and maybe get help with the summoning part then I can go from there. And the information you provided about ninja in general I didn't even know and that is helpful. It gives me a better idea on what I can make them do as far as missions and fighting.
« Last Edit: May 27, 2016, 11:55:12 AM by blankcanvas03 »
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Offline passerby

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Re: Need help developing my story!
« Reply #13 on: May 27, 2016, 12:55:11 PM »
I wrote my first story when I was 16 (back when I was a young grasshopper).  I loved it and thought it was the best thing ever.  It had it's own system and was original.  6 years later I pulled it back out and read it.  It was junk.  Confusing, full of loop holes, didn't really have a story direction, and left too many questions untouched.  And although the main plot was there, there wasn't really anything tying the loose pieces together to make it complete.  I was young and very ambitions.  Perhaps too ambitions.  Meaning that I wrote the story in a greedy way without regards to it's legibility.  Making it what I wanted to be, tying it down to the roots of my belief, and holding a stubborn view of not wanting to change qualities of it, thus making it impossible to solve. 

You started from a young eager beaver 14 and am now at a good age of 23.  I was 16 when I started and am now 24.  Point being is that given those range of times of when you first created the story, up until now, your eagerness should have calmed down and your ambitions more realized.  You will not be so quick to jump the boat and assess your problems before taking them head on.  If you were to rewrite the story, I will not be surprise if it turns out 10x better than before. 

Well without knowing the story or given more concrete background information then there's not much I can offer you in terms of helpfulness.  You could do:

-Summoning with special/magical Artifacts
-Summoning Spirits/Guardians
-Using magical properties Weapons
-Charms, Rituals, Summoning, Chants, Symbols
-Magic.  Making Elemental Ninjas.
-Or they can do it just because they can.

These are vague answer and you'll have to take them as it is since only you know your story. 

Offline blankcanvas03

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Re: Need help developing my story!
« Reply #14 on: May 27, 2016, 07:48:24 PM »
I wrote my first story when I was 16 (back when I was a young grasshopper).  I loved it and thought it was the best thing ever.  It had it's own system and was original.  6 years later I pulled it back out and read it.  It was junk.  Confusing, full of loop holes, didn't really have a story direction, and left too many questions untouched.  And although the main plot was there, there wasn't really anything tying the loose pieces together to make it complete.  I was young and very ambitions.  Perhaps too ambitions.  Meaning that I wrote the story in a greedy way without regards to it's legibility.  Making it what I wanted to be, tying it down to the roots of my belief, and holding a stubborn view of not wanting to change qualities of it, thus making it impossible to solve. 

You started from a young eager beaver 14 and am now at a good age of 23.  I was 16 when I started and am now 24.  Point being is that given those range of times of when you first created the story, up until now, your eagerness should have calmed down and your ambitions more realized.  You will not be so quick to jump the boat and assess your problems before taking them head on.  If you were to rewrite the story, I will not be surprise if it turns out 10x better than before. 

Well without knowing the story or given more concrete background information then there's not much I can offer you in terms of helpfulness.  You could do:

-Summoning with special/magical Artifacts
-Summoning Spirits/Guardians
-Using magical properties Weapons
-Charms, Rituals, Summoning, Chants, Symbols
-Magic.  Making Elemental Ninjas.
-Or they can do it just because they can.

These are vague answer and you'll have to take them as it is since only you know your story.

You sound JUST like me when I began writing. I too thought it was amazing. I loved it when i first began. It was too many problems with it, and I honestly laughed at my own story when I went back over it for the first time. Since then I have revised it. And I've gone back over it many times before already and changed a lot. So very much of it already. If I change the whole ninja theme I'm not sure exactly what to change the story to. I kinda have an idea of what I could possibly do but geez, that would take a lot. I'm happy that those who replied did, it actually has me thinking about a lot of changes I could do.
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