August 19, 2018, 11:33:03 PM

------------------------------------------

If you have Login Problems Use the Login in Top Menu Bar


------------------------------------------
If you have a problem registering here, Leave a msg at our FB Page >> Here.

Plz Don't use Hotmail to Register. You might not receive Activation mail. Use Other free mail provider like Gmail or Yahoo.






Author Topic: DeltronX script 2  (Read 539 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Xela Orion

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 61
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
DeltronX script 2
« on: May 11, 2016, 03:35:47 AM »
If you havent read the first script i suggest you read that first because this one directly follows it, also if you have read both i would like some feed back, is the story so far enjoyable in anyway?
Do you think theres anything i did wrong? Please let me know

Alex rushes into class just as the late bell rings.
 
    Alex Struass
 (breathing heavily) made it!

 The class room stares at alex as he's sluggishly makes his way to his desk. A girl with bright blue eyes and stunning blonde hair tied into a pony tail and a boy with bright messy red hair and grey eyes greet alex.

    Acacias
Hey alex!

    Rei
Sup dude? you look dead!

   Alex Strauss
Hey guys (he catches his breath) i woke up super late and had to run from the entrance

    Rei
HOW THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT!? THERE'S ATLEAST 3 SETS OF STAIRS AND 2 HALLWAYS YOU HAVE TO TAKE TO GET HERE!

    Alex Strauss
I ran through ALL of it (he collapses on his desk and naps)

    Rei
Dude wake up (he shakes alex), (in a dramatic joking voice) Dont go into the light!

    Acacias
(smacks rei on the back of the head lightly) just let him sleep! He's obviously had a rough morning.

Alex's eyes open, he's submerged in pitch black water, he hears rei and acacias arguing then a voice he's never heard before.

     Mysterious voice
 We've been waiting young bishop.

Alex panics and tries to swim away from the growing darkness but drowns in it. Alex wakes up in his bed in the castle. Vestia walks with a satchel and goggles.

     Vestia
You sure like to sleep dont you? Well we found your bag in the feild and i thought id give it back to you. You can go back to sleep now.

she puts his satchel off to the side of the room, closes the door then walks away.

     Alex Strauss
(in his head) something isnt right, why am i back here again, arent dreams always different? Also how do these people know me so well... and why do i have memories of this place..

Alex gets out of his bed and grabs his satchel and goggles, he puts both on and walks out of the room and makes his way out of the castle.

     Alex
The forest... There's something there for me...
     
    Vestia
Alex where are you going? you just got back!

     Alex Strauss
Sorry, i have to get something.

     Vestia
(in her head) has he found out already?

Alex is running through the city, he grabs a map from the satchel and sees areas highlighted, he puts his Finger on one of the areas.

     Alex Strauss
Its here, i know it!

Alex puts the map back in his satchel and contiues running. He ends up on a river bank, he then makes a raft and paddle and sails off. It's night now, the moonlight is covered by all the trees surrounding the river, alex barely reached land, in front of him lies what seems like the ruins of an old stone structure, nature won over the material as most of what was left was covered in vegetation and weeds. Alex finds a slab with an odd symbol on it, he has his doubts about inspecting it but chooses to anyway.

    Alex Strauss
This stone... It almost feels like metal.

A small blue wisp leaves the slab, alex is regretful of his decision and steps back as the wisp encircles his hand, it then slashes his hand and goes inside the cut

    Alex Strauss
GAAHH! crap!

Alex cries out in pain and holds his hand, the pain instantly leaves, as alex lifts his hands, he sees not only that the cut is gone but that the same symbol thats on the slab is now on his hand. alex picks up on the sound of footsteps and immediately turns to it, a shadow figure slowly approaches alex.

    Shadow man
Hey, calm down im not gonna hurt ya'.

    Alex Strauss
(keeping his gaurd up) who are you?

    Shadow Man
Thats not important, whats important is that im gonna help you and in a way you're gonna help me

    Alex Strauss
(still hesitant) and how does that help?

   Shadow Man
Don't you think i would've attacked already if i was out for you?

   Alex Strauss
I guess i could trust you...

The man puts his hand on alex's forehead alex is confused as his body suddenly spasms. He is hepless, his eyes roll back and his mouth begins to foam. The man then takes his hand of alex's head, letting him lay lifeless. The man then puts two fingers on his own head.

    Shadow Man
Its done but he's out cold. We're at the fuuygah ruins. Sorry but things got messy during the transfer..

    Cerberus
(in the man's head) it's fine as long as he's alright... Ill send some people now.

     Shadow Man
Roger that.

The man slowly begins to fade away.
 
     Shadow Man
Sorry kiddo, i really mean it...

The man fades away completely. Alex is immediately waken up in his class room. He sits up quickly, as if he was startled by something.

     Alex Strauss
Guys?? How long has it been?

     Acacias
It's only been a couple of minutes. Did you have a nightmare? You look really stressed.

    Alex Strauss
I guess you can say that...

    Acacias
Aww (she pats his shoulder) well everythings ok now.

    Rei
Dude?!?! Was there a monster??, i bet if i was there we could of taken that thing on no sweat! Itd be just monster mash!

Alex remembers thats the game he plays online with rei and smirks lightly.

    Alex Strauss
Haha yeah.. I bet we could have.

Alex goes through the day without speaking of the odd dreams and makes his way back home. He is still convinced that the dreams are normal.
« Last Edit: May 11, 2016, 06:02:29 PM by Xela Orion »

Offline AzimuthComics

  • Writer
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 170
  • Gender: Male
  • Writer
    • View Profile
Re: DeltronX script 2
« Reply #1 on: May 11, 2016, 07:38:27 AM »
It doesn't really read like real dialogue. It lacks any punctuation. I'll edit this and get more in-depth a bit later.

"Power attained by violence is only a usurpation, and only lasts so long as the strength of the commander outweighs that of the subjugated."

Offline Xela Orion

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 61
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
Re: DeltronX script 2
« Reply #2 on: May 11, 2016, 06:03:20 PM »
It doesn't really read like real dialogue. It lacks any punctuation. I'll edit this and get more in-depth a bit later.
Well i fixed the punctuation so thats a start haha, imma try and work.on dialogue