July 06, 2020, 09:08:15 AM


If you have Login Problems Use the Login in Top Menu Bar

If you have a problem registering here, Leave a msg at our FB Page >> Here.

Plz Don't use Hotmail to Register. You might not receive Activation mail. Use Other free mail provider like Gmail or Yahoo.

Author Topic: Welcome to the Black Charade (Mariannes story)  (Read 577 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Mafioso55565

  • Mafioso
  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 86
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
Welcome to the Black Charade (Mariannes story)
« on: May 09, 2016, 09:44:11 PM »
So im almost complete with the first part on a story im writing though im pretty stuck with how to advance. its about a girl named Marianne dealing with a family life that's being torn to shreds by her abusive father and cynical mother that hates both of them. The idea was to have the mother hate her so she has her kidnapped by enemies of the father (he's a member of parliament) though that wouldn't be found out till the end. So far I have a scene showing the father beating his wife, a scene where hes being harassed by his collegues over the phone, and a scene with Marianne at school. The school scene at the moment features a teacher who after being over stressed on anxiety, depression and sensory overlode tries to commit suicide but ends up killing another girl when she tries to stop her. not sure how this fits, I have the roughest draft of how this is gonna go. The girl that's going to die is mariannes only true friend though im not sure how to portray this and what I should write to give them back story.
Scene 1

Charles is sitting sipping a bottle of beer listening to his stereo lounging back on the couch of his living room she's late again...she's gotta get out of the fast lane…dinner is already getting cold

Show the door clicking and beginning to open

Eleanor walks into the house she seems to be slightly limping as if to suggest she hurt her leg

His muscles tensed gets up and walks over to the dining room where he has dinner set up

“Hey you need some pain meds?  Probably not though”

She just replies with a nod (no) reaching into her purse pulling out a bottle of Advil consuming one of the pills

They go to sit down at the table

-Charles breathed in stress, already visibly drunk, exhaling pent up frustration, unable to even touch his own food, but still wanting to break the tension. He takes a swig of his bottle  of alcohol

-“So so i got a new one, why can't guitarists play basketball? Because they always get called for moving picks!!!” The whole delivery was stiff, charles not even being able to force himself to smile.

“So what have you been doing lately, I hear it's quite Interesting”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                -Eleanor still stares blankly down at her food, motionless

“I shall no longer allow you the ability to spirit away my joy” she says her   a chilling hue of blue grassland, a plateau with no rise,   (under her breath)

“Is this actually real or is this all a fantasy, answer me Elie” Clenching his fists trying to maintain a straight face but bits of anger are boiling up.

-Eleanor closes her mind even further, expression that much more distant

-Cant you see, can't you see, what that womans been doin to me! Charles thinks to himself, slamming his hand against the table, gritting his teeth knocking over and spilling his beer. The explosion of emotion doesn't even faze her, whose eyes and expression seemed to be blank.

-He throws the spilled over bottle of beer at her, it breaks a little creating a few cuts onto her face “What a drag it is getting old huh! Stupid bitch of a hag!”

- Eleanor's head is knocked back against the wall, her face still expressionless though wincing from pain, eyes blank.

-Charles storms out of the room, slamming the chair against the china cabinet, shattering some of the dishes.

--Eleanor s staring out into space blood trickling down her face a cynical smile on her face. Dream on, Dream on of bloody deeds and death

--She takes out a pill case from her pocket, eating another yellow pill.

--Her whole expression goes back to being blank

-Marianne runs into the room crying “Mama Mama please be okay!” Grasping tightly onto her mother hugging her. Eleanor remains motionless, not reacting to anything.

“Wake up wake up mama please! Help I need somebody!”

Scene 2

-Show Charles sitting outside on a bench in the yard, a light rain coming down. He is strumming his guitar, expression suggesting that he's trying to put out of his mind what just happened

Singing “it's just a shot away kiss away kiss away” (Gimme Shelter)-Tears start streaming down his cheeks

-Phone begins to Ring he takes it out of his pocket

-“Remember, You don't want to vote against that bill tomorrow” The voice said, stern in a commanding tone.

“Dumbass if you really wanted to make a mistake then you should look to your parents for guidance” His expression is of a strained laugh

“Heh don't bother to come to the assembly bastard cause I may just arrange your funeral”

“Ok Don Lord” - A sly smirk

“I've heard rumors about your wife, wouldn't it be a shame if they were somehow, leaked?

In a flare of anger and fear charles hung up the phone turning back to his guitar gripping it tightly, unleashing all his frustration onto the tip of the strings.

“I wanna know, Have you ever seen the rain” (singing, CCR)

Rain starts coming down harder, drenching him and his guitar

He has a serious face, frowning as he ponders what has been going on

Bloody hell...these bastards they have their diamonds and they got their pretty clothes..but man they really are playing with fire on this one

Scene 3:

-Show Marianne sitting at her desk at school gripping her gameboy tightly, eyes like lasers focused on the game

-“Go Arcanine burn em to the ground! Deadly beauty!” she yells, pokemon crystal the game she is playing, facing against Lance's dragonair. Her legs kicking back and forth

-Everyone starts staring at her, she doesn't even notice, the teacher has a frustrated look on her face

“Miss Rigby how many times has this been, stop playing that this instant! You are in 4th grade already!” The teacher yells, giving a stern look of disappointment over to marianne

-Marianne ignores her, locked onto the game a wide smile on her face adrenaline running through her veins she becomes excited kicking her feet back and forth, arms and hands locked onto the system.

- the other kids begin to whisper and giggle to each other saying things like “Shes really bold” and “whats with her, so weird, pokemon is so lame”

-Teacher grabs it from out of her hands, marianne's eyes widen looking up at the teacher with agony as if she woke up from a good dream to a nightmare

“Give it back...please give it back cow bitch! I was one attack away from finally beating lance!” she yells, eyes tearing up as if she was about to cry

Teacher looks down at her with disgust expression suggesting that it offended her on a personal level seeming as if she were going to strangle Marianne

“Young lady are you saying I.remind you of a cow?”

“A mad fat stinky old cow!” She throws an eraser at the teacher's head

“Detention after school for the next month ms Rigby!” She yells storming out of the classroom her face slightly wet from tears  why do I gotta be fat why do I gotta be fat...screw this screw this screw this

Runs into the bathroom

The teacher begins to breath in and out heavy...having an anxiety attack..her hand trembling reaching down into her pocket

Her face strains as she looks into the mirror hands gripping in to sides  wrinkles...why….this all started after that bastard made me a mess worrying about him….

Taking a deep breath she calmed back down

Turning around to walk back into the classroom

“Haha nerd! Hogwarts doesn't exist!” cackles a girl in her class lifting Marianne's book up In front of her...running through the pages “and such a baby crying like that”!

“Expelliarmus” yelled marianne acting as if her pencil was a wand

“You really need to go to a happy house!” Laughed the other girl and those around her

Smirking with condescending eyes that tried to cut fell into her soul

Marianne throws a book from inside her desk at the girl, face puffing with raw red anger

The book hits the girl knocking her head back, the others watch due to inability to react

Adrienne yells “mari don't!”

Marianne jumps at the girl...pulls her hair with a yank, slaps her across the face and throws her onto the ground without saying a word

Grabs the book back

She goes and sits back at her desk reopening her book eyes locked in onto the pages

Teacher renters the classroom, witnessing the scene, clenching her teeth and fists in a fit of frustration as kids bombard her with “you'll never guess what happened, and Marianne is a naughty girl!” sensory overload

Dammit i can't control these kids… ummm ummm...why do i gotta be ugly, no quiet down...i'm fat...help can't take this!

Her brain begins to short out

“All you damn kids need to shut the *censored* up!

She pulls out a pistol and holds it to her head trembling, an earthquake coursing through her body. Hands unable to grip it correctly as she slowly brings it up

Screw this i'm out! Rich i'm finally going to see you again!  She clicks the safety off still trembling

All the kids in the class quiet down, a few begin to cry obviously traumatized by the situation except for marianne who continues to read her book

Adrienne runs from the back of the class and grabs onto the teacher…”Noooo i don't want you to meet my parents!” she yells crying looking up at the teacher with pleading eyes

Teacher becomes taken aback for a moment “Get off kid...get off!”

Adrienne refuses to let go, gripping tighter

“I dont give a *censored* about your parents i just want to see my husband!”

“Mama said life is precious don't waste it!”

“Get off go to hell!” the teacher removes the gun from her head, pointing at adrienne

Adrienne has no time even to cry, marianne who just looked up from her book watches with widened eyes and stiffened muscles

Bang! Bang! Bang! Goes the pistol smoking at the tip

Blood drips from adrienne's forehead, a bullet hole, teacher breathing heavily, moving the guns aim around the room

The other kids scream and cower behind their desks, adrienne falls to the floor bloodied.
Training to be the very best, like no writer ever was