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Author Topic: The Lemonade Stand Discussion  (Read 527 times)

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Offline Forlorn Serpent

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The Lemonade Stand Discussion
« on: March 22, 2016, 03:45:45 PM »
I know the waking up in the morning is done to death. What suggestions would you give me to replace it? Or was it alright?  Is it a slow build? I think i can move it up to where they empty the cocaine bag but i feel like i need the build up.
« Last Edit: March 22, 2016, 04:59:16 PM by Forlorn Serpent »

Offline Coldmiser8675

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Re: The Lemonade Stand Discussion
« Reply #1 on: March 31, 2016, 09:47:32 PM »
I think the story is a slow build. I believe you should speed up the process for when they meet the drug dealer, and maybe create some more stakes. How about a gang comes in and wants the "lemonade"? make some chase scenes when they don't realize that their lemonade is not really regular lemonade, and they get chased by the gang cause they want the drug for free.

My suggestion
Check out my story! Honey, Stalin Took the Kids >>http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php/topic,13888.0.html