(I wonder how many years ago it was...)
*INTRODUCE YOURSELF*An 11 year old Anzu stood proudly and happily in her uniform, in front of her fellow classmates with her name written on the chalkboard behind her. Back then, in days long gone, Anzu was a girl who always smiled, and her smile was a thing of beauty when paired with sunlight streaking through the windows.
Anzu: My name is Anzu Hodane. H-Hodane is written as "Hou" as in "Jewel", "da" as in "arising" and "ne" as in "sound". "Anzu" is usually only written in kana, I use the kanji for my name. I hope we all get along!
Anzu bowed, nervously anticipating an abrupt shout of YOU SUCK from the class, but was ultimately welcomed by the class as any other new student would be. Even if she did get treated badly, it wouldn't matter to her then, because her sister, Akahana, cheered and smiled for her among the students.
The twins shared many of the same features, with their bright, blue eyes, curly black hair, and ever so lightly freckled faces.
Anzu: Thank you very much!
Teacher: Excellent! Welcome, Anzu. You can go ahead and sit next to Akahana. There's an extra history book inside the desk so you can follow along.
Anzu: Thank you very much.
Teacher: Okay everyone, today we'll be going over the Archaemnid Empire and Cyrus the Great. Please turn to page 224 in your history books, and let's begin.
Anzu sat down next to her sister, exchanging smiles as they studied together.
(I always hung out with my sister, so things were okay at school. For a while, they were okay at home, too. Everyday, Akahana and I walked home, laughing, crossing the streets recklessly like the adventurous kids we were. Every time we'd come home, Mom would be cooking something delicious, and Dad would just be getting out of the shower after coming home from work. Seeing them together always made me thing they were made for each other in the same was Akahana and I were made for each other.)
The house in which this family lived was adorned with flowers inside and out, surrounding it with color and filling the inside with a beautiful mix of aromas. Anzu and Akahana ran inside, taking off their shoes at the door and dropping their backpacks in their rooms.
Akahana/Anzu: We're back!
(My mother...I gotta say, she was a beauty! Natsumi was her name. Naturally, she was like an adult me, or at least that's how I saw it when I was a kid. I always figured that when I grew up, I'd be and look just as beautiful as her.)
Not only was the house filled with the aroma of flowers, but the soul-warming smell of a mother's cooking. Natsumi set the food on the table as the girls emerged from their rooms in their house clothes.
Natsumi: Welcome home! Dinner is all ready! Anzu, how was it?
Anzu: School was good! I got by the introduction pretty well, and sis looked out for me too.
Natsumi: Good, I'm glad it worked out!
(Minor complications with my heart kept from going to school for the first week or so. I've had a heart murmur detected, and a few SVT's after that, so I had to be careful about tiring myself or doing anything too strenuous. When it was determined it wasn't serious, I was allowed to attend school, fashionably late.)
The father was your average man with a good home and a decent job who always worked hard to support his family. He too smiled more in these days, when most aspects of his life were as comfortable as they could be. He joined them at the table after his shower, ready for a warm meal to consummate the day.
Masato: Ah, you're home. How was school?
Anzu: Awesome!
Akahana: I think some of the boys were staring at her. Does that mean they're pervs, Dad?
Anzu: Aka!
Masato: Haha! Oh Akahana...yes, and don't you forget it. Men are nothing but pigs, and I should know!
Natsumi: Oh don't scare them, Masato.
Masato: Sorry, I just want to make sure they don't involve themselves with boys too early. They're not at that age yet.
Natsumi: Neither were we!
*WINK WINK*Masato: Entirely different scenario! Anyway, this looks pretty good! Let's dig in.
(For a while, most of my days were just like this. It was a peaceful loop of school, family, and food. Most of the good memories of my time alive come from this period. However, these times would end, and my dreams of growing up...would never come to pass.)
Spotlights. Anzu, center stage. A little nervous, a little sweaty under the hot light, but ready nonetheless for her first audition session for the school play. They'd be performing a theatrical classic from the Elizabethan era of England, Shakespeare's 'Hamlet'. Watch with awe as she recalls a rather large except of Hamlet's soliloquy, never once even realizing the irony that would ensue.
With a deep breath, hot lungs, and a focused mind, Anzu spoke. No, she acted.
Anzu: To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them? To die: to sleep; No more; and by a sleep to say we end the heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream.
Her teacher and several others from different classes acted as the judges, sitting in quiet admiration until she finished.
Teacher: Anzu Hodane...that was well done! Flawless recitation, emotive execution, it really captures the lamentation of Hamlet. Though, it would be weird to have a girl play Hamlet...what if we dressed you like a boy? Would you be okay with that?
Anzu: S-sure! I don't mind at all! I won't have to get a haircut, will I?
Teacher: No, no need. Maybe just a little snip, but we'll tie most of it up nice and neat so you look more boyish. Unbelievable, it's so rare that a member of the opposite sex is good enough to play a man or woman's role, but it looks like you fit the bill better than any of the boys.
Anzu: So I get the role?!
Teacher: Yes, yes you do, Anzu.
She could hardly contain her excitement as her skin flushed red with happiness.
(Needless to say, the boys were a little disheartened, but hey, you win some you lose some. My grades were good, and my performances were good too. Over the next few months, I studied hard and performed well, both academically, and in theater. Fall was on its last legs, and a beautiful Winter was approaching.)
The next time Akahana and Anzu sat at the dinner table with their family, the atmosphere was surprisingly morbid to them. Neither their mother or father asked them preemptively how their day was, or what they managed to accomplish in the past week. They ate in silence, seemingly uncomfortable with each other.
(It was mostly peaceful, but sometimes at night, Akahana and I would hear our mother and father talking about something serious. Their voices were muffled behind the walls, so we could never make out exactly what they were saying. That went on for weeks until that night at the dinner table. Then, for some reason...silence.)
Akahana: Uhm...so...Anzu managed to get the lead role in the upcoming school play! She's playing Hamlet! The teachers were really impressed with her!
Natsumi smiled as if she had snapped out of a trance.
Natsumi: Oh my, Hamlet? That's a huge role, Anzu! None of the boys got it?
Anzu: The teachers said I was better than the boys, and the'd have me dress up like one as much as possible.
Akahana: Hah! You should've seen how mad they were! Honestly, the boys at our school just aren't encouraged to do anything right.
Natsumi: That's impressive! Good work, Anzu!
Anzu: Thanks, Mom! Dad? What do you think?
A certain air of anguish surrounded Masato, becoming part of his very presence. He got up from the table, leaving his unfinished food behind. The slam of his bedroom door startled the girls as silence overcame the table again.
Akahana: Mom...what's wrong with Dad?
Natsumi: Oh, don't worry, Aka. Dad...is just dealing with a lot of stress. It has nothing to do with you two. He won't say it, but I know he's proud of you as well, Anzu.
(It sounded like she was trying to convince herself of that as well. When we went to bed, expecting to get a good night's sleep, we were instead kept awake by their voices beyond the walls again, much louder and violent than ever before. Now, we could hear their words clearly, because they kept screaming them at each other like commanders of opposing armies.)
Akahana and Anzu held hands, lying in the same bed together as the fight continued.
Akahana: Anzu...why are they fighting?
Anzu: I don't know...but...it's Mom and Dad we're talking about. I'm sure they'll work it out. I heard even people who love each other fight sometimes. I'm sure they'll stop...I'm certain of it...
(It never stopped.)
Natsumi: Anzu, Akahana...your father and I have mutually agreed...to file for divorce.
The dinner table was supposed to be a place where the family comes together, but on the snowy Saturday, it was torn apart.
(It was like all the flowers that filled the interior of our home had suddenly died, and the candles became mournful flames at a funeral.)
Anzu: Divorce? But...why?!
Masato: Adults are complex, Anzu. Even adults are still growing up and changing, and we believe that we've grown too far apart to continue as we are. That's why we'll be separating.
Natsumi: Anzu, we'll still be your mother and father. We'll never leave your lives, but I'm afraid we won't all be together. Given our financial situation, neither I or your father can afford to raise you alone. So...one of you will have to go with me, and the other with your father. I know that's a tough decision, but...I need to ask you to be stronger than you two have ever needed to be in your lives.
Akahana: Why can't we just stay together? Parents are supposed to solve their differences, right? Why can't you do that?
Natsumi: It's just...not possible, Akahana.
Anzu: I...I'm not leaving Akahana! I don't care what differences you have! Splitting everyone up can't possibly be the only solution!
Anzu took Akahana by the hand, dragging her away from the table and into the safe retreat of their room. The shock from their parents announcement still sunk deeply into their hearts. Most of all, the two couldn't even bare to think about being separated.
Akahana: Anzu-
Anzu: Don't you worry, Akahana. You and I will never separate. Even if I die, you and I will still be sisters, and I'll still love you to the moon and back. Even then, I'd be with you, watching over you, cheering for you. Understand? Nothing will separate us.
Akahana refused to shed tears. She believed in her sister perhaps even more than her own parents. Anzu's reassurance was a definite reality to her. Even should they physically separate, one would never leave the heart of the other.
Akahana: Okay! I understand.