Here are the main problems that can make any reader just instantly stop reading and automatically label this as bad writing.
When it comes to Noah's character you do a lot of telling, none of the showing. Sometimes its ok, sometimes its not. For your story, its a serious sin. Things such as him being uncomfortable in big places with people. Its not bad, but it doesn't feel like a true character trait if its not a reoccurring aspect that we see him show (not tell). Followed by Noah acting like a freak and immediately saying "go away, leave me alone" to Pandora didn't feel like a true character trait. because of no expansion on the other aspects and to what degree, him reading like that is random traits.
You have to look at the tiny things he does and see if it actually consistent to the main idea you want readers to gain out of him. Other contradictions include: If his desire is to be alone, why does he want to go back to that world? There should be a reason why he so desperately needs to go back. In which you provided none.
After this, character development between Pandora and Noah. Very unrealistic. Pandora being "tethered" to him didn't really have much significance. At this point, this is where "i'll only answer what i want to answer" and "characters are asking the questions i want them to ask" but you did absolutely nothing to assure the reader that "the bigger questions are recognized, and they will be looked into."
For example: After revealing that box is to encase the city of eden....that is where all real questions stopped. Now its just asking the small questions "what is that", and "what are those creatures" there was no real reason for the characters to stop asking the grittier questions such as "why is Eden trapped in this land"
Noah unrealistically doesn't want to understand his situation but he asks questions of what is what and why he can't escape with those creatures. Which only leaves bigger questions. You're not recognizing the reader, or if the reader is going to be satisfied with what you've given.
Now despite all that, you also do a lack of describing the background. Especially from transition from oldhome to new world, the impact this world should have should be greater than just background scenes. This is why first person would benefit you greatly. so we can see what Noah sees, so we can understand how Noah sees this place. Having the third person narrative just makes it all that much more difficult as the narrative is telling us who he is, not Noah, especially not by his actions because you do more telling than showing.
Now we are at the point where Noah reaches, Balthazar entrusting his power to Noah felt just as forced and unnatural as Noah finding the box in the first place. Yes, we see a glimpse of Belthazar's life, but the emotions that came with it felt forced. That seemed like it should've been a chapter of its own. Noah's awe, pain, and horror, just didn't feel real to me.
Keep in mind, i stil have a lot of questions sucha s what are DOmacles in relation to your story since Eden and pandora's box have been altered. Another
on a side note: little instances where you try to really push the manga/anime feel or really giving tiny gestures that you may think are appealing to readers, but they make your story feel unoriginal.
Instances where Pandora would place her hand on her heart. another instance where Noah would do a random gesture such as suddenly act bashful and shy by looking down and kicking the ground as he asks something. And of course, scenes where Noah and Pandora are in sync with each other when they look at each other despite having little interaction and chemistry.
OK fine, maybe saying all this wont make you change a thing, but let me show you howit hurts your story.
Key issue #1: Not addressing who Noah is in the real world. telling rather than showing
Side-affectt: Basically makes him look typical. We want to know something interesting, but because we have absolutely nothing interesting to go on for Noah. When you tell someone what a character is like, its not enough for the person to believe them when the character does nothing in particular to follow that. So telling us is pointless.
Key issue #2: Making him encounter Pandora's box randomly
Side affect: This should be the obvious thing in the world. but if there is no reason behind his encounter with the box. Why should anything moving forward have any meaning? None of it will feel interesting if its all one giant hypothetical "what if he didn't look into the tree" which begs the question as well "How come he foudn it now after all this time".
Key issue #3: Ignoring the bigger questions. Asking only the questions you want to ask.
Side affect: because you are actively answering questions it sounds like you are keeping in mind of telling a proper story. but because you are not asking the most important questions or recognizing it in the story. Readers will think you are misunderstanding them completely. When in reality you recognize these questions, you just refuse to acknowledge how necessary it is to recognize them in the first chapter.
OVERALL SIDE-EFFECT:
with all this combined, your story is so detached. not only from the main character and the pacing, but what you choose to reveal and what you hold valuable. Precursors aren't mention. what is mentioned is archivist, which holds no meaning so far. The other is domacles, which again holds no meaning so far. a lot of things your introducing not giving readers a clear idea of what this is about.
Your story is not coherent.