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Author Topic: do you think this would work  (Read 1207 times)

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Offline bossx5

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do you think this would work
« on: July 03, 2015, 02:45:29 PM »
The world is ran by a single government and this government is corupt causing rifts between the rich and poor failed revolutions and extreme violence. In a high profile family a young boy labled as an outcast decidesthat he well fix the world so he becomes a revolutionary. First he must get some cash then followers. At the start of it he becomes a bank robber this will be first ark if anyone thinks it could work ill start to write if anyone thinks its worth it.

Offline Nekonomicon

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Re: do you think this would work
« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2015, 02:48:36 PM »
It sounds quite interesting :D A little bit like Code Geass, which is awesome :D

Offline MK

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Re: do you think this would work
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2015, 03:22:00 PM »
But how would they be fighting? Guns, planes, mecha?  Other than that i think you're off to a good start

Offline bossx5

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Re: do you think this would work
« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2015, 03:29:46 PM »
Thanks Im thinking of like martial arts mixed with mechanical my sstory hopefully will differ from code grass by the lack of powers and I wanna make it more like the rise to mob boss and try to start his own country.

Offline Akane

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Re: do you think this would work
« Reply #4 on: July 03, 2015, 03:42:09 PM »
There are many plot holes as it is now though. Why is the world run by a single government? How does this governemnt work? Are there different people assigned to rule over different places or one man ruling it all?

Why did the boy decide he would fix the world? In Code Geass, Rerouch did it for his sister, in Death Note, Right does it cause he's bored and he can, but what about in this story? Was it always his dream or did something happen that made him make up his mind? Why has he been labled as an outcast?

I like the idea of him starting out as a bank robber, but being a bank robber is really nothing special, and as a protagonist rather shameful. Maybe, it could be less exact as banks and thieving could range from everything to nuclear war weapons to the supermarket? This could also be played for laughs. Or, it could be that he is a trained thieve since as an outcast.
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Offline MisterSherbetLemon

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Re: do you think this would work
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2015, 03:45:55 PM »
I wasn't sure at first as Code Geass came into my head too and there's plenty of fleshing out that needs done but I do like the crime factor in there, possibly joining the mob as a means of safety if this single government is after him cause the GOVERNMENT WATCHES US ALL and knows he's a dissenter ¬_¬

It would be fun to see an arc where he gets too comfortable with the Mob Life and then struggles with the realization that he's become as corrupt as the government he set out to destroy with no easy way out. I got italian blood in me, you join the mob you only leave one way ;)

Offline MisterSherbetLemon

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Re: do you think this would work
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2015, 03:47:33 PM »
And that is with a polite letter of resignation, a big staff night out and a tearful farewell to your beloved pals Luca Brazzi and Tony Macaroni.

Good times...where am I?

Offline bossx5

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Re: do you think this would work
« Reply #7 on: July 03, 2015, 04:08:54 PM »
Well it is just a concept but here goes. The young boy was an orphan that lived in the slums he was protected by a local small time gang when he turned twelve his aunt adopted him.  Now that he belongs to a rich family he really notice how they treat the poor (being he lived in the slums he didn't run into any rich people) he is disgusted at the fact. He meets a poor girl and boy who have been enrolled on a scholarship and befriends them. He finds the young boy dead and discover that his cousin did it by accident and his aunt covered it up stating that the boy was just trash causing the young boy to decide to leave and make a place for all. Hope this clear up the reason may change. As for the worlds unification here's an early thought.

The world have dismembered their nuclear weapons to ensure peace but by doing so they find that the weapons were a deterrent to stop war.. now war has broken out all sides with huge casualties but a small country claimed the war and rose to power and united the governments. Unknown to the public it was all a plot to gain control of earth and rule the only ones that know are the descendants of the conspiracy. Now the world is split and the rich rule that's the law.

Offline Nekonomicon

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Re: do you think this would work
« Reply #8 on: July 03, 2015, 04:49:42 PM »
oooh, I like it :D It sounds like he has lots of reasons to hate the government, which is perfect!

Offline bossx5

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Re: do you think this would work
« Reply #9 on: July 03, 2015, 04:59:25 PM »
Lol I wanna make the MC an antihero I kings got how it would end but I don't wanna be the average ending where he meets his goal and or die