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Author Topic: Grey: Home for Strays  (Read 14213 times)

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Offline OhGodHelpMe

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Re: Grey: Home for Strays
« Reply #30 on: December 31, 2015, 11:57:07 PM »
How innocent are we talking here? Make sure those hand-holding scenes are censored  :cop:

Offline Robin Ryuu

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Re: Grey: Home for Strays
« Reply #31 on: January 01, 2016, 01:58:45 AM »
How innocent are we talking here? Make sure those hand-holding scenes are censored  :cop:
:tongue:

Offline Robin Ryuu

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Re: Grey: Home for Strays
« Reply #32 on: January 01, 2016, 11:31:28 PM »
Still working on ideas for chapter 1. Have a sketch in the mean time.



Offline The SlamJam

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Re: Grey: Home for Strays
« Reply #33 on: January 02, 2016, 02:22:19 PM »
I sensed art and came to say good job dude! :)

Offline Hope4Future

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Re: Grey: Home for Strays
« Reply #34 on: January 03, 2016, 08:32:23 PM »
I just though I'd mention that I finally had the chance to read the first chapter and the prologue (I kind of procrastinated it at first but there wasn't as much as I thought there would be). anyway, I liked how you set it up and described the scenery. I look forward to more upcoming chapters!  :angel:

Offline NO1SY

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Re: Grey: Home for Strays
« Reply #35 on: January 03, 2016, 08:54:35 PM »
Really love all of the work and effort you are putting into this, keep it up Robin!

When I get some free time I'll definitely give it a thorough read and a bit of a review if you would like :)

Offline Robin Ryuu

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Re: Grey: Home for Strays
« Reply #36 on: January 03, 2016, 09:47:29 PM »
I sensed art and came to say good job dude! :)
Thank you.  ;D

I just though I'd mention that I finally had the chance to read the first chapter and the prologue (I kind of procrastinated it at first but there wasn't as much as I thought there would be). anyway, I liked how you set it up and described the scenery. I look forward to more upcoming chapters!  :angel:
Thank you for giving it a chance. I hope to put more out soon.

Really love all of the work and effort you are putting into this, keep it up Robin!

When I get some free time I'll definitely give it a thorough read and a bit of a review if you would like :)

That I will. Thank you.

I'm currently rewriting chapter 1, but you're free to review whenever you'd like.

Offline Robin Ryuu

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Re: Grey - Chapter 1, Part 1, Version 2
« Reply #37 on: January 04, 2016, 12:38:50 AM »
Alright here's Chapter 1, Part 1, Version 2. I'm happier with this one.

Spoiler
A young man stands yawning and stretching after a long public carriage ride. He was the only one who had disembarked.

"Sure you want dropped off here?" asked the driver with a semi-concerned look.

"Huh? Why not?" the man replies.

The driver gives him a wary look before flicking the reins. The man watches as the carriage quickly departs and scratches his head. "Well that was strange," he commented to himself before turning to walk towards his destination, not noticing the broken signpost laying on the ground. He steps past and the word "Evansburg" is revealed along with an arrow pointing the direction the young man went.

As the young man enters the high stone walls of the town he finds it to be nearly deserted, contrary to his expectations. The few people that were outside turned and gave him wary glances. Not fond of the attention he was getting he avoided them. He glanced toward the setting sun and sighed. "Guess I should find a place to sleep." Soon he saw the sign of an inn and when he got there he knocked on the door. He soon heard footsteps leading to the door.

"Who is it?" a woman asks from behind the still closed door.

"I'm a traveler. I am looking for a room for the night."

After a moment of silence the woman replied. "I'm sorry, but I don't have any rooms available at the moment. Please leave." He could hear footsteps and whispers from inside.

"Mommy... I'm scared,"

"Hush little one."

The young man lingered a moment, but then he turned and left.

He passed many roads lined with boarded up stores and other businesses. Among the vacant buildings were a couple groups of vagrants who gave him hostile, wary stares as he passed. Moving on with growing unease he soon caught the faint scent of old blood. The boy cautiously made his way past an area that was closed off with various talismans and seals. Not willing to linger around he quickened his pace until well past where the scent had faded. Soon he came to find another inn. Spotting movement out of the corner of his eye the young man turned to find at a face peering at him from one of the inn's windows. He approached with concern. As he was about to knock the door jerked open and revealed a large intimidating man glaring at the visitor. "Travelers aren't welcome here anymore. Leave," the large man told him before slamming the door closed and latching it.

"But..." the young man started dejected. He stood with only the light of a fire illuminating him. Hearing the sound of a laugh the boy turns to find another small group of vagrants. A man tending the fire, a sleeping figure, and the man who had laughed was drinking from a bottle.

"What's so funny?" the young man asks slightly annoyed.

"Cuz ya've got yaself a problem, boy," One of the men spoke before taking a swig of alcohol.

"I thought this place was supposed to be a bustling market town," the young man stated, wrinkling his nose at the smell.

"It had been," the other man spoke, giving him a questioning look. "I'm surprised you hadn't heard of what's been happening lately."

The young man shifted uncomfortably. "I haven't had the chance to learn the latest news for a while."

The man considered the boy for a moment before speaking. "Most of the people here left a few months back when this town turned into a demon's feeding ground."

"A demon!?"

The drinking man spat on the ground at the comment making the boy step back to avoid the fluid. "En there's us who've got nowhere to go."

Seeing the boy's confusion the sober man explained. "Those of us that remain do so because we must for one reason or another." The man coughed before continuing. "The people here have become wary of those who are brave or foolish enough to walk these streets and have barred their doors to strangers. That's likely for the best. I don't blame them for hiding behind doors if they have them."

"Maybe I should have kept going after all," the boy thought. "When does the next carriage come?" he asked.

"Gettin col feet are ya?" the drunken man laughed again.

The sober man sighed at his companion's comment. "Unfortunately, the carriages only come now if they have a passenger on them."

"Oh..." he replied, worried. He didn't like the thought of being stuck in the town for an extended period of time.

"There is the option of going to the town's guildhall," the sober man suggested. "If you've got the coins, it's probably the safest place in town."

The drunken man snorted. "Bunch'a cowards if ya ask me"

"Good men have died facing the demon," the sober man stated, giving his companion a glare.

The drunken man snorted again, but didn't press his opinion.

"Is the guildhall far?" the boy asked, uncertain of the choice.

The sober man turned to point at a large building located farther up the hill, barely visible through the darkness. "That's it there."

The boy studied the far off building a bit before turning back to the group. "Thank you for the help," he told them.

"May the Gods protect you," the sober man told him.

The young man turned to walk down the road he assumed that would lead him to a safer fate.

"Be careful, boy. All the attacks happened at night," the sober man called out to the departing figure.
« Last Edit: January 05, 2016, 01:53:17 PM by Robin Ryuu »

Offline Robin Ryuu

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Re: Grey - Random World Building Info
« Reply #38 on: January 04, 2016, 04:55:32 PM »
Just some random world building stuff that might never show up in the story. There is more of course, this is just what came to mind at the moment.

Gods, their children, and their disciples.
In this world there are many gods. Some of them created their own race of followers. Others, such as the occupation gods, typically the followers were not created by them.
The Twin Gods of Life and Death
Just as you'd expect really. They govern the transfer of life energy. They also govern the art of healing/parasitic magic. Vampires are the race they created.
God's Coins
There is a custom for merchants to display the first gold coin they earn at the front of their shops as a tribute to the god of prosperity, trade, and luck. Doing so is believed to bring good luck and such. Typically even though they'd be easy to grab, thieves leave them alone for fear of curses. It can also be used as an indicator of goodwill as the god of merchants and the god of thieves are believed to be enemies.
The God of Wealth
The god of merchants and the god of thieves are actually the same god. Just known by different names.
« Last Edit: January 28, 2016, 02:28:26 AM by Robin Ryuu »

Offline OhGodHelpMe

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Re: Grey: Home for Strays
« Reply #39 on: January 04, 2016, 08:54:08 PM »
Well that's some vast improvement on that chapter  :clapping:

Offline Robin Ryuu

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Re: Grey: Home for Strays
« Reply #40 on: January 04, 2016, 09:00:29 PM »
Well that's some vast improvement on that chapter  :clapping:
I know, right? XD

Offline Robin Ryuu

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Re: Grey: Home for Strays
« Reply #41 on: January 05, 2016, 01:11:54 AM »
Poor Thomas... I've worked on his backstory a bit more... Why do I like to have tragedies befall my characters so much?

Anyways I'm working on the section of his life between where Thomas' parents were killed and where the story starts. So that's a 10 year gap... That's a long time to run.

Offline Vio

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Re: Grey: Home for Strays
« Reply #42 on: January 05, 2016, 02:01:23 AM »
Keep it simple and try not to make thing complicated at the start. ^^
« Last Edit: January 05, 2016, 02:03:06 AM by Vio »

Offline Robin Ryuu

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Re: Grey: Home for Strays
« Reply #43 on: January 05, 2016, 02:12:14 AM »
Keep it simple and try not to make thing complicated at the start. ^^
I don't know what you're talking about...  :sure:

Offline Robin Ryuu

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Re: Grey - Chapter 1, part 2
« Reply #44 on: January 05, 2016, 04:22:31 AM »
Short bit for tonight... I'm not a big fan of gore so hopefully this doesn't give me nightmares...

Spoiler
The young man continued on his way for a good distance before stopping to turn his head to the sky. "What I'm I doing?" he wondered. "I'm walking to my death aren't I?" He grimaced. "I should never have come here." He turned to face back the way he came. "I should have left," he said to himself.

As he stood he caught the faint sound of footsteps approaching from down the nearly empty street. Moving swiftly he hid himself behind some crates near an alleyway. With bated breath he waited as the footsteps drew nearer. He stayed still as a crate started to move. Several moments later he heard a person's mumblings and untensed enough to peek through a gap between the crates. He watched an older lady sift through the contents of a crate. The young man turned around with relief.

"Huh? It's just an old granny," said a voice from an unseen source.

The boy had little time to register the scenario before he heard the old lady's scream. It ended abruptly followed by a heavy thud. On the ground the boy could see the old lady's hand from around the corner of his hiding place. He heard a sigh from behind him.

"I thought you were going to lead me to a good score. Not a bag of bones with barely a shred of life left." The boy heard another sigh. "It'll have to do for tonight. You clean up here." The boy listened as the source of the voice departed. A moment later he saw the old woman's hand slide back into the darkness and heard the sounds of ripping flesh and cracking bones.

The boy felt sick as he listened and tried to make himself smaller, bumping an object in the dark.

The ripping sounds stopped as he heard a low growl followed by a series of sniffs. Then the sounds of claws on stone as the creature fled.

The boy waited for a while before slowly removing himself from behind the crates. He had covered his mouth and nose as the smell of blood was overpowering. He stood over the remains of the mess that was formerly an elderly woman. "I'm sorry," he told her quietly.

"Hey!" called a voice from behind him.

He turned sharply at the sound spying a person at the end of the alley. The boy stared frozen in place.

The person looked at the corpse and gained a furious, hateful expression as they looked back at the young man. "You... demon," they said, voice writhing with anger.

The boy didn't register the comment. He was more concerned with the appearance of the person. Particularly their eyes. "They're red... Vampire!" he thought right as it charged him.
« Last Edit: January 05, 2016, 06:08:10 PM by Robin Ryuu »