First day back on the site and im already witnessing crazy stuff.
I mean come on dawg... A rainbow pony army tho...
This story is really funny to me man. I've been laughing since chapter one. I'm not really sure why, but hey any story that can give me a good laugh is a plus in my book.
Like Coryn said make sure you check up on your spelling and fix any other grammatical errors. Although I wasn't really hindered by em too much, there were some mispelled words and awkward sentences that made me scracth my head a couple of times, so do make sure you fix those right up.
The pacing seems a little fast at times, especially with some of the action scenes, but with this kind of story i guess its fine. Then again its something to consider.
Overall I'm feeling this story dawg. A couple of tweaks here and there and this story should be just fine. Keep at it.