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Author Topic: The Raider of Raiders!  (Read 15054 times)

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Offline NO1SY

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Re: The Raider of Raiders!
« Reply #30 on: February 14, 2015, 12:49:00 PM »
What on earth is going on!? Not Vacant!!!
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Offline WhiteCrow

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Re: The Raider of Raiders!
« Reply #31 on: February 14, 2015, 12:58:32 PM »
How is everyone not mentioning how freaking dangerous Churro is? Ponies... ponies! She absolutely annihilated her opposition... and was happy doing it. Sorry but I'm scared of her more than Lego SchwarzaMeastro.
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Offline NO1SY

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Re: The Raider of Raiders!
« Reply #32 on: February 14, 2015, 06:59:17 PM »
Hehehe her Kawaiiiiiii is all a ruse :P
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Offline Coryn

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Re: The Raider of Raiders!
« Reply #33 on: February 14, 2015, 10:50:50 PM »
Quote from: liuxess on February 14, 2015, 11:29:57 AM
It's a little hard for me to express myself in English,  but I try as hard as I can.  I'll tryto make some sentences more clearer :/

well you're doing pretty good man. most stuff is a lot less with your understanding of english though I think and more just a need for proof reading.
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Offline liuxess

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Re: The Raider of Raiders!
« Reply #34 on: February 17, 2015, 11:19:48 AM »
Should I make the fights as badass as I can, or should I just focus on the plot and do fast kills so it would end sooner? Which do you prefer?
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I don't create stories, I relive them ;)
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Offline Coryn

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Re: The Raider of Raiders!
« Reply #35 on: February 18, 2015, 09:49:28 AM »
well so far the focus has really seemed to be on plot rather than fights, so I would say to keep that up. better to remain consistent rather than switch it up halfway through.
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Offline Coach Fro

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Re: The Raider of Raiders!
« Reply #36 on: February 19, 2015, 03:33:23 AM »
First day back on the site and im already witnessing crazy stuff.

I mean come on dawg... A rainbow pony army tho...

This story is really funny to me man. I've been laughing since chapter one. I'm not really sure why, but hey any story that can give me a good laugh is a plus in my book.

Like Coryn said make sure you check up on your spelling and fix any other grammatical errors. Although I wasn't really hindered by em too much, there were some mispelled words and awkward sentences that made me scracth my head a couple of times, so do make sure you fix those right up.

The pacing seems a little fast at times, especially with some of the action scenes, but with this kind of story i guess its fine. Then again its something to consider.

Overall I'm feeling this story dawg. A couple of tweaks here and there and this story should be just fine. Keep at it.
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Messatsu...


Offline liuxess

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Re: The Raider of Raiders!
« Reply #37 on: February 19, 2015, 08:08:24 AM »
Well, thanks dawg
I'm glad you enjoyed!
I'm trying to be more conscious while writing Chapter 4 (I'll post the edite Ch 3 together with it) so I wouldn't make any more goofy mistakes (some are just because I'm writing on phone)
The pacing is fast because of two reasons:
a) I don't like detailed paragraphs, that's  why my story goes like action-dialogue-action.
b)My vocabulary doesn't have enough words sometimes to express myself,  so some sentences are left out

But anyway,  thanks for reading! I hope you stay up to the end!
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Offline legomaestro

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Re: The Raider of Raiders!
« Reply #38 on: February 27, 2015, 02:40:28 PM »
yandere kawaii churro is the best kawaii churro

Sorry Coryn, this is what happens when flesh and blood goes up against a cyborg.

... wait.


And dear god tell me I'm wearing boxers dammit!
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Offline Coryn

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Re: The Raider of Raiders!
« Reply #39 on: February 27, 2015, 05:28:17 PM »
funnily enough, that's the exact opposite description of reality.

strange universes be these
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Offline legomaestro

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Re: The Raider of Raiders!
« Reply #40 on: February 27, 2015, 05:42:48 PM »
***Strange universes B these

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Offline Coryn

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Re: The Raider of Raiders!
« Reply #41 on: February 27, 2015, 06:06:24 PM »
if it gets finished, than certainly it is.
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