@Lorenx:
I treat all critiques equally as long as they were written with the intention of helping me improve. There is no "better critique" in my dictionary. I feel you're trying to imply that your critique is more helpful/better than others and so I must follow it to improve. Sorry Lorenx, I don't see it like that.
then you probably don't give all critique any value at all.
If you did give critique value, you would search for the ones that know what their talking about.
I have tried to fix the things you have said, the main one being Hikaru's lack of flaws and unrealistic qualities, but you are unable to see the effort I have made to implement your advice. If you really want to help me, if you really want to see the MC portrayed better, then you would have been more specific in terms of exactly how, what, and where you wanted me to make such changes. Simply pointing out a weakness and constantly putting the work down because of that weakness doesn't help the writer improve at all. It's about providing suggestions on how to erase that weakness--that is the mark of a true critic.
the only way you can do better...if you changed your approach...
Inaccurate usage of honorifics makes a story "broken"...whatever you say, buddy.
You're not making your point any better. But yes, inaccurate usage breaks a story. And if it doesn't for you...you don't care about writing a good story.
I have literally saw people over use "-san" thinking it was universal. I saw older and younger siblings use "onii-chan". you think that made no impact on the story? I've seen one character use "gramps" then later using "Oji-san".
So go ahead and use sarcasm to excuse your irrationality to act like a weeaboo. it wont change the situation.
I'm not trying to twist it Lorenx. What the heck would I gain by twisting my own story? I'm telling you he wasn't supposed to come across as preachy. Accept it or leave it. Or an even better option is tell me what to change so that he doesn't come across as preachy to you; that would help me so much.
i tell you what to do, i'll be writing story.
So Hikaru is portrayed as "silent", "selfless", or both? What are you trying to say?
Hikaru is a mix bag of traits that don't connect at all.
Before he ran away, he only thought about how he would die if he stayed. While he was running away, he only thought about wanting to survive. How are you not seeing that I'm trying to show Hikaru is a coward? Do I have to literally say in my story "Hikaru is a coward" for you to understand/believe me? If I'm portraying it differently from what I'm saying, tell me how to change it. I will gladly do it if I feel it is good advice.
Hikaru did a very "NORMAL" thing. Especially when someone else told him to leave. If you want to highlight that gurther, give him a situation where he had the chance to do good, and didn't.
What are these inconsistencies in Hikaru's personality you speak of? Again we are at the starting point where you are screaming "give him a flaw" even though you have already said this ten times and I have made an effort to show his flaws yet you are still unsatisfied.
no...its more than that, everything i'm seeing in Hikaru doesn't feel real....
I don't know what his personality is....what kind of person "HIkaru" is...all i know is that he's a main character, he wants to kill demons. and of course he does. its all so obvious.
Even though i am asking for a flaw, i'm not asking for "Kryptonite". I'm looking for both good and bad qualities that are able to be seen within a character. I'm asking for a character to have a personality. something that makes him Human enough to be interesting.
Flaws and qualities are normally seen when you already have a personality in mind. And i don't see that with this character.
Why do neither of the two extreme personalities seem interesting?
because in both extremes, he doesn't have a realistic personality that i can get invested or want to get to know further. There has to be appeal.
Why is Hikaru a shallow character? Why is there nothing for you to be interested in knowing what will happen? Where do you see Hikaru's family constantly dying when it has only happened once??
He's shallow because again, no personality. in chapter 1, we saw many qualities, but none of those qualities felt "real". Its kind of all like seeing a master of everything.
It also doesn't help that you start off the story already setting up what to expect, so if we didn't like Hikaru for what he was in chapter 1, why would the "flashbacks" of who he was before make it any better?
BOTTOM LINE: While I have made an effort to implement your advice and do my best to show Hikaru's flaws, you are still unsatisfied and push the same points you have already made. However, this is not helping me to improve. If you have suggestions or advice on how exactly I can fix the problems you constantly bring up, I would more than happy to listen and apply those suggestions. But as of right now, I am not gaining from your reviews and you are reading a story you find absolutely horrendous. I am perfectly fine if you do not want to read anymore to save yourself the time and pain from reading my work. Also, I will no longer message you in request of reviews because you clearly found it annoying. Thanks for the input you have provided thus far. I appreciate it very much.
Here's my suggestion....don't go half-way with the advise. go all the way....
If i'm not budging on my review or elaborating enough, its probably because you're going half-way and i'm still waiting for you to do completely. i dont believe going half-way in anything i say will be beneficial. Chapter 1, 2, and 3 can actually be more summarized together if you worked hard enough to remove what we will find out later, and what we will find out...
So if this is going to be a pattern of me giving general advise, and then taking half of it, and the other half you reject and somehow expect me to work with that to help you further. Then i just rather not going to review.
@DeAngelus:
DeAngelus, if you don't mind, I would like to expand on my response from earlier because I feel like I did not properly address the points you made.
I have a feeling that perhaps the intentions and purpose of this story are being misunderstood. You mentioned that you feel like none of the characters in chapter 1 had a proper introduction and that you barely know who they are. Yes, that is what I was trying to do. I don't want you to know who they are but rather learn who they are if that makes sense.
My story is not supposed to be a novel where the main characters are given proper introductions in chapter 1 itself. That's not what I'm trying to do; if that was, I would just stick to making a novel, not a story for a manga/anime. Rather, this chapter is essentially just a big battle scene because that is what would grab people's attention if this was a manga/anime. If you have the time please watch the first episode of this show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FIuzmNXOSs. The main character is not given any introduction. He simply walks into a town and kills a demon; that's basically the entire first episode. This is what I was trying to mimic with my first chapter in a sense.
As for the weaknesses, I think it's too soon to say that present-day Hikaru doesn't have any. After all, you barely even know of him as you said. However, the past Hikaru does have a plethora of weaknesses that offset his strengths. I really wish you read Chapter 3; they were considerably more evident in that chapter.
Beserk isn't the best series to take consideration. Its heavily dated, and doesn't really fit the feel of a normal manga. Character development was definitely not the core of the series. Back before manga was mainstream, the common majority were heavy action oriented. And these type of characters were common.
But most importantly, manga and anime aren't 100% the same thing....for example: Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood starts off in the middle of the manga, then goes back to the beginning of where it should've started. And that is mainly because anime isn't measured in pages, its measured in animation.
What both manga and anime do is give a small preview of the future, then start in the beginning. But you gave a semi-introduction to this "preview".
HERE IS WHAT YOU CAN DO:
Heian is a great character.....he is consistent, and he's not one-sided. he has all the appropriate traits of a main character. because whether one reader hates him, or another person likes him, people know what personality he has...
But not Hikaru....find out the differences between the two. If you think the only difference is "focus" you gave between them, then you probably should give more focus on Hikaru. But i hope you see legitimate differences between the two.
You have to understand that regardless Heian is the main character, he's not the lead character. In every chapter where Hikaru is in, there needs to be some focus on him to shine his personality (whether its good or not). Don't add in fake flaws....add in real qualities that can potentially be flaws.
If Hikaru isn't a hero, than he could've killed innocent humans along the way of killing Demons. That could've been a flaw within him. He wouldn't have cared what happened to humans. But because he does, i know you want him to be a hero....and you're giving him all the heroic qualities.
Find one thing that you believe is the one thing that makes Hikaru is, and forget everything you made Hikaru out. Use that oen thing to expand his personality so that it comes off as natural (not artificial) then work on the story so that he gets to develop naturally.