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Author Topic: Melody Box  (Read 5765 times)

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Offline Robin Ryuu

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Re: Melody Box - New Misty Ref!
« Reply #45 on: February 17, 2016, 03:18:56 AM »
« Last Edit: February 17, 2016, 03:20:51 AM by Robin Ryuu »

Offline Robin Ryuu

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Re: Melody Box (A Novel)
« Reply #46 on: April 13, 2016, 04:00:47 AM »
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« Last Edit: August 05, 2017, 03:51:45 AM by Robin Ryuu »

Offline Robin Ryuu

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Re: Melody Box (A Novel)
« Reply #47 on: July 16, 2016, 02:20:03 PM »
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« Last Edit: August 05, 2017, 03:30:49 AM by Robin Ryuu »

Offline Robin Ryuu

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Re: Candy and a Promise (Melody Box Prologue Version 2)
« Reply #48 on: October 24, 2016, 12:00:14 AM »
*Sneaks into this old thread to post a link to an edited version, complete with VN formatting.*

Okay... maybe not so complete. It still needs sounds and art. The background was just something I grabbed off google real quick to be a place holder.


Anyways... There's the download link if anyone wants to play.


https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bxu54Ephlpx2cFh5OGNGMEo3NXM/view?usp=sharing

If not here's the updated script.
Young Boy:
*Sits near the edge of the cliff, watching the ocean.*

"..."

Older Boy:
"Oi, Klaude. You up here?"

Klaude:
"Over here."
   
Older Boy:
*Grins and holds up a small burlap bag.*

"Here, catch."
   
Klaude:
"Wha? Wait!."
   
Older Boy:
*Throws the bag.*

*Crunch*

Klaude:
"Ow..."
   
Older Boy:
"Ah... Sorry. I guess your arm isn't healed yet, huh?"
   
Klaude:
"No, but it's getting better."

Klaude:
*Opens the bag and pulls out one of the objects.*

"What is it?"

Older Boy:
*Sits down.*

"It's called candy, you eat it. Go on, try a piece."

Klaude:
"..."

Klaude:
*Eats a piece.*

"Ah! It's sweet!"

Older Boy:
"It's pretty good, right?"

Klaude:
*Sticks a few more pieces in his mouth.*

Older Boy:
"Heh. I'll take that as a yes."

Klaude:
"Jett…”

“You stole from the Captain again, didn't you? What if you get caught? They'd kill you."
   
Jett:
"What? You doubting my skills? Well... This was the last time anyways."

Klaude:
"Eh?"

Jett:
"I'm going to join the Captain's crew. You know that things aren't going to be safe if we both stay here.”

”At least if I go we'll both get enough to eat."

Klaude:
"But... What if I went instead? Then..."

Jett:
"You? You get sick when you're in a docked ship. How are you going to survive out there? Besides, you wouldn't make a good pirate, Klaude."

Klaude:
"Why not!?"

Jett:
"You're too kind... and you're a bit of a crybaby."

Klaude:
"Am not!"

Jett:
"Oh? Is that so? Then I guess it must be raining then, huh Klau~dy?"

Klaude:
*Rubs his eyes with his wrist.*

"My arm started hurting again, that's all!"

Jett:
"Uh~huh. You're a bad liar, too."

Klaude:
"..."

Jett:
"...”

“Doesn't it bother you?"

Klaude:
"Eh?"

Jett:
"I'm joining the guys who killed your parents. I thought you would say something."

Klaude:
"Oh... I... I don't like them, but…”

”You'll always be you, right?"

Jett:
"Ha? What kind of dumb question is that!? Of course I'm gonna be me! Who else is gonna be your leader if not me!?"

Klaude:
*Smiles meekly.*

"Ha ha Crow Bandits forever."

Jett:
"You bet."

Klaude:
"When do you leave?"

Jett:
"Tomorrow morning."

Klaude:
"Oh…”

”We'll see each other again, won't we?"

Jett:
"Of course we will. You're my best friend, after all."

Klaude:
*Hands the bag of candy to Jett.*

"Here."

Jett:
"Nah, you keep it. I got it for you.”

”Tell you what, next time we meet you can get a new bag and we'll share it. How about that?"

Klaude:
"Al.. Alright..."

Jett:
*Stands up.*

"Heh... Well... See you later, Klaude."

Klaude:
"See you later, Jett."
« Last Edit: February 07, 2018, 09:28:19 AM by Robin Ryuu »

Offline Ataraxia Studios

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Re: Candy and a Promise (Melody Box "short story")
« Reply #49 on: October 24, 2016, 12:44:32 PM »
The story looks interesting. It's also a bit touching. I can feel the closeness of the characters despite lack of prior info. The story arouses interest in the characters' past and also the future at the same time. 

Very well done, comrade!

You know, if you keep at it, it's not going to take you 70 years xD. Put away your calculator and write when you can :)




Offline Robin Ryuu

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Re: Candy and a Promise (Melody Box "short story")
« Reply #50 on: October 24, 2016, 03:33:34 PM »
Thank you very much. This was a small section of my VN trilogy that I'm working on (in addition to my comic, Grey: Home for Strays).
« Last Edit: February 07, 2018, 09:33:22 AM by Robin Ryuu »

Offline Robin Ryuu

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Re: Melody Box
« Reply #51 on: October 24, 2016, 03:35:54 PM »
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« Last Edit: February 07, 2018, 08:56:26 AM by Robin Ryuu »

Offline Robin Ryuu

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Re: The Keystone Trilogy
« Reply #52 on: January 27, 2017, 08:18:02 PM »
So................................ I think I just made a major change to the timeline of this story. XD

Very new idea, few minutes old actually, but I think it might solve quite a few of the problems that I've been struggling with for this story. XD

Basically... if I can work all this out, the beginning I had planned for Lost Memento will now be the beginning of Rise of the Blood Moon and the short story I have been working on is now the beginning of Lost Memento.

It'll make sense later I promise!

Offline Robin Ryuu

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Re: The Keystone Trilogy (Novel Series)
« Reply #53 on: August 05, 2017, 02:39:55 AM »
Ignore the above post. I'm splitting this series up into separate separate stories. You can read why here:

http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php/topic,18505.msg286036.html#msg286036

Give me a bit while I reorganize this thread.

Offline Robin Ryuu

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Melody Box - Chapter 1, Part 1, Version 1
« Reply #54 on: August 05, 2017, 04:00:16 AM »
Alright I'm finished rearranging stuff for now. And here's what is currently the first scene of the chapter.

Chapter 1: Dissonance (Part 1)
"Keith... Do you think we'll find anything out here?" asked Aria, noting the barren mountainsides they flew over.

"We'll go farther next time if we don't," Keith replied.

Aria grimaced. Past the mountains was a war scarred wasteland that stretched for many miles. It was the final resting place for many dragons and humans alike. It would become a writhing feeding ground for many scavengers as the ice thawed. Aria could smell the faint stench of the wastes within the cold mountain winds, it reeked of stale blood and rotting flesh. She swallowed hard at the thought of going there so close to summer.

Two teams of dragons had left from the old caldera that their clan called home at dawn. Aria and her brother, Keith, had taken the long flight into the mountains in search of food or other useful materials. The long winter meant that their food reserves were dangerously low. Aria wondered how the other team was doing. Five of her clanmates had chosen to fly out over the ocean. She hoped they were faring better than they were. So far all she and her brother had found were a frozen goat kid and a half starved rabbit. Hardly enough to feed a clan of dragons. Touching down on a rock ledge Aria and her brother studied the valley before them for any signs of life. Nothing. "There should be more animals, Keith... Before the war there was plenty and our numbers have dwindled as well," Aria stated. "The animals should be plentiful now, but there's hardly any."

"You know why," Keith replied without looking at her. "The humans messed with things they shouldn't have."

"The chimeras you mean?" Aria asked without receiving a reply. She sighed... She couldn't argue with him. The chimeras were abominations of nature that were created during the war to wipe out dragonkind. When the dragons went into hiding the chimeras started to wreak havoc on the ecosystem. "But this far into the mountains?" she asked him again.

"I don't know," he replied looking out towards the limits of their territory. "I'll mention it to the Circle when we return," he stated.

"What good will that do?" scoffed Aria.

Keith ignored her and looked to the sky "It's almost noon. We should return through the northern pass."

Aria lowered her head with disappointment and looked at her pale celestine blue markings. The sunlight reflected off of the iridescent surface of the minute scales which covered her body. In darkness these markings shone with their own inner light. While many considered the light beautiful, come nightfall in this age of war, it only betrayed the dragons who wished to avoid the eyes of others. "I'm able to disperse my glow, I could conti..."

"You will not," Keith interrupted with a harsh tone to his voice. He turned toward his sister. "The council forbids anyone from going on their own."

"This is no time for the council's rules! The clan is starving and we need a way to fix this!" She paused and composed herself slightly though her voice retained an icy edge. "You are our clan's leader. It's your decision if I go or not, not theirs. I'm sure I can find something if I had more time," she pleaded.

He turned away and stood facing the cliff's edge for a short while. "We're returning to the clan."

"Keith!"

"When we arrive we'll make preparations for an expedition. I can not go with you, but I will not allow you to go alone either."

"You still don't trust my abilities," Aria grumbled.

"I do, but we shouldn't take any unnecessary risks."

She gave him an incredulous look. Keith was well known for his recklessness.

"Maybe the seaward group found something," he mused.
« Last Edit: February 25, 2018, 02:45:21 PM by Robin Ryuu »

Offline Robin Ryuu

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Melody Box - Group Name Help?
« Reply #55 on: November 12, 2017, 02:50:00 PM »
Reconsidering the main characters' group name and the group they broke off of. Some possibilities are:

        MCs' Group

  • Crow Bandits (Current)
  • Raven Raiders (New favorite, but also a sports team)

        Original Group

  • Blackwing Pirates (Sounds too cool)
  • Blackbeak Pirates (Blackbeard joke)

What do you guys think? Any suggestions?
« Last Edit: November 12, 2017, 02:58:39 PM by Robin Ryuu »

Offline Operative13

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Re: Melody Box (A Novel)
« Reply #56 on: November 12, 2017, 05:53:52 PM »
Original Group: Ravenport Pirates

MC Group: Rogue Ravens

Just my suggestion. Kinda plays off the idea of the two groups having history. As a suggestion, you could try linking the group's name to their place of original, or as an alternative, to a person's name. I don't really know much about your world to give an educated idea, but you'd know what you want  8)
“To give of oneself is the noblest of all acts.”

Offline Robin Ryuu

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Re: Candy and a Promise (Melody Box Prologue)
« Reply #57 on: February 04, 2018, 04:38:42 PM »
-A shota yaoi doujinshi.
Despite what happened with the character I'm basing Jett on, that's not going to happen.
Hrm...

Also I've decided that this section of story (Candy and a Promise) will be the prologue to Melody Box. ^^ The boy's story will continue in chapter two. (Going to try to get some writing done tonight.)
« Last Edit: February 07, 2018, 09:27:29 AM by Robin Ryuu »

Offline Robin Ryuu

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Re: Melody Box
« Reply #58 on: February 07, 2018, 09:41:50 AM »
I still need to fix some broken links, but thanks to Lego I have the all the fragmented posts that belong to this story in one thread rather than in 3. So just a heads up if anyone wonders where the other posts came from. Also it seems that they got arranged by age so conversations may be a little disjointed. It's not too bad as long as you keep in mind the merging.