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Author Topic: 'Reapers'~~~Story Help  (Read 2352 times)

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Offline GingerStark

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Re: 'Reapers'~~~Story Help
« Reply #15 on: March 10, 2015, 10:59:15 AM »
Removing restrictions? As in making guns more accessible?

Offline swearzy

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Re: 'Reapers'~~~Story Help
« Reply #16 on: March 10, 2015, 01:59:53 PM »
Guns are accessible, just the way you are allowed to carry them. Concealed carry permits and stuff like that

Offline GingerStark

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Re: 'Reapers'~~~Story Help
« Reply #17 on: March 10, 2015, 02:13:08 PM »
I see I see  :hmm: Just needed the info because I wanted to split the USA into several factions for the story, and really wanted to have this group of Southern states who make their money off of gun manufacturing and ect. Forget about oil, lead is the new gold for these folks  8)

Offline swearzy

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Re: 'Reapers'~~~Story Help
« Reply #18 on: March 10, 2015, 02:55:20 PM »
Only places that are ridiculous are California, New York, Washing DC and a few more places. But they have higher crime rates than most states with lax laws because criminals with always think twice, "They guy looks like the type to pack heat, damn man forget about it"

Offline Crackhead Johny

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Re: 'Reapers'~~~Story Help
« Reply #19 on: March 10, 2015, 08:09:41 PM »
As you are in the UK you know this immeadiatly sounds like Judge Dredd from British comic 2000 AD. Told from Hershey's(?) Anderson's (?) point of view? I do not know the comic that well.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rVFi6qkPHE (I am the law).

now lets shred some stuff. I feel mean today so I'm putting on my mean pants, my mean hat, my mean clown nose, and my mean fright wig. Now.. time to be mean.


starting with the name "Reaper Division"
Could you get more cliche? "Death Patrol'? nope. "The Peacemakers" ugg.
Besides, you already know real world spin, the horrible people would get a nice friendly sounding name like Civilian Relations Dept, Loyalty and Patriotism Division,  Citizen Protection Agency. You give them a PR dept approved name and you can maybe get away with disillusioned citizens referring to them as "Reapers", "Reaper Squad" "Reaper Division", "Corpse Makers", "death bringers", "Violent Bob's Murder Patrol",  whatever. 

in 2070.. well oil is projected to run out in ~2040 and it will take 100 years for a substitute to show up so maybe not 2070? 30 years with no oil should have the pollution and population greatly reduced (pollution will spike in the first few years as people burn everything they can for warmth and will then greatly drop as 6 billion dead people quit polluting and the rains begin to clean the pollution out of the air and into the sea and soil)... Not to mention world wars will be impossible.

An oxygen recycling plant.. Umm, why? Because it sounded futuristic and advanced? If you need something to free O2 from sea water you have a dead planet as far as animals are concerned. I assume it is liberating O2 from sea water (not drinking water) and not trying to "recycle" it.

~Since a world war III occured,  you need to think about all high-tech weapons. Not scifi weapons but still much more advanced than ours,  cuz with the technology we have,  weapon upgrades during a war would boost ten times. So maybe war machines like from ironman would be possible in your story
Nope.nope nope.
Our main use of force is about the same as in Vietnam 50 years ago. When WW3 goes down, everything will be about the same. If you want teh US to have replaced its infantry with drones well that is a horror story of a different sort more akin to Screamers? (Peter Weller movie with autonomous killbots). The US spends almost all the military money on the planet. I think the UK is in 2nd place with 1/3 of the US's spending? or was it 1/5? The US gets the cool toys and the other side gets killed. In the future we will have soldiers there simply because robots make lousy heroes (this only happens when bots are cheaper than humans, and/or a corp gets tax payers to demand bots after pushing out sad news stories showing dead US troops).

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~You should have the mc have a rival within the reapers- a guy or a girl that enjoy killing,  and that being the reason they joined the reapers
2 issues:
1. horrifically cliche'
2. While those sort of people will be drawn to the job, the psych tests to keep people like that out of the street judges would be crazy hard to beat and then not getting reported (or executed by a fellow judge) if you beat the test, would also be stupid rough.
3. Rival for rookie.. Yeah. people don't really tend to have rivals in real life very often. Maybe a rival for a position and that is settled once one person gets the position. Generally a rival means competing for something. Seriously, who are your rivals?

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~What does church say about the death penalty? There could be a group of people within the church who are exterminating the reapers as a protest against the death penalty.
1. The church has been gleefully killing guilty and innocent alike for 2 thousand years, they are not turning against the death penalty when it is most popular.
2. In a starving post-ww3 world the mob AKA humanity loves killing those they perceive as guilty, the church always plays to the mob. Why do you think Matthew 6 is never talked about in church?
3. Going after people who can legally kill you is foolish at best and can't be done on a small scale. Full out insurrection would be required.

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~If you make a guy who kills for fun and the group within the Church,  the guy could defend the mc from the group and inspire some romance.
Just no. Please no.
Brannon Braga or Rick Berman might write that but not the rest of us.


Thank you for your feedback liuxess :D

I do hope to serve the Death Penalty as an interesting topic of debate among readers, which should engage them more into the story  :hmm:
World War three would bring about technological advancement and a change in global politics, which will require a great deal of thought when possible  :-\
Street judges will not get much debate about the right and wrong of the death penalty. This has already been demonstrated by Judge Dredd.

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WWIII however will take place primarily in South America (Especially the Falkland Islands) and Europe (Which is fighting a civil war amongst itself)
That is not a WW III. That is a bum fight that most of the world fails to care about after the first week of watching stuff go pop on TV.

Seriously, Europe fights and no one plays the "Lets call America" card? No one plays the "We used to be a BLOC nation and we could use some help, Borris" card? Not even when they are losing?
South America?? what is their motivation? Not enough feathers for Carnival?
The Falklands.. Um, didn't they get taken over by sheep or something in the 80s? Talk about least relevant place on earth.

How we will get WW3 is less pretty than that. People will keep breeding until the oil noticeably begins to run out. As the oil runs out food runs out, can't grow it or move it to cities. Hungry people make bad decisions.
When the oil seems to be running seriously short, the resource wars will begin (well they already have but they will get serious). The US will be big dog claiming all the oil it can. High populace countries of India and China will be desperate for oil (china less so due to currently investing in solar and researching thorium reactors. I believe India is also researching the reactors). Funny thing is most of the fuel claimed during the war will be used to fight the war. In the end most soldiers will not even make it home from wherever they went to go kill for oil. The US as it and everyone else will glass some other countries.
Starvation sets in around the world (cities getting hit the worst) first people start killing their neighbors for their food.. then they start killing their neighbors for food.

This sounds grim but on the bright side, scientists currently say that they should be able to come up with a working substitute for gas 100 years after it runs out (runs out is roughly 2040, I'm not sure if frakking has pushed that much).
So only around 6 billion people will die in the collapse.


Indeed! Sometimes it's obvious, such as armed robbery or hostages. But when it's something like an unproved murderer running away from them, what do you do?

I did some research in England, surprisingly more people are in favor of it being reinstated than opposed. Of course the EU Human Rights forbid this at the moment. However, if the future was different such as England drifting away from the EU and more like the US, change could happen as well as public pressure if people fail to see justice being delivered to extreme criminals (And overpopulated prisons too).

It'll be dark and gritty of course, though you can some comedy and light hearted moments from the cast when they interact with each other.
I had some core characters envisioned from the start including;
-An elderly American who is looking forward to retirement. He provides historical context sometimes "Back in my day we did this..." and ect.
Retire to the UK after WW 3? Not the Bahamas? Not a pacific island either, not even in a cabin near a prime fishing lake in the northern US. That guy must really love rain and boiled food.

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-An aloof war veteran who lost his individuality during service. He acts as the male protagonist and doesn't see things in a morality view.
This person does not exist. I know tons of veterans. none "Lose their personality due to the service". No one ever says "I must have left my personality in my other pants". Now if he got shot in the head in the service, a brain injury could explain that.

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-Their leader, a former lawyer who often directs the squad and helps maintain their public image, despite the stress it brings her.
Why would a lawyer give up years of school and a good paying job to become a street judge?


Does anyone know which American state has the least strict gun laws?  :hmm:
Many states are gun friendly AZ is one of the ones at the most free point. CA and MA are the least free.

Removing restrictions? As in making guns more accessible?
IN almost every state you can go buy one. in some there is a short waiting period on hand guns that can be bypassed by showing you carry permit or permit to buy.

I see I see  :hmm: Just needed the info because I wanted to split the USA into several factions for the story, and really wanted to have this group of Southern states who make their money off of gun manufacturing and ect. Forget about oil, lead is the new gold for these folks  8)
With CNC and 3D printed guns now.. Yeah, states will not be involved in gun manufacture as right now you can make an AR 15 in you house in a short amount of time (google CNC gunsmithing or printable guns).
States will make their money off of what they have always made it.. people via Taxes. A state going directly into business has more problems than you want to think about.
Also keep in mind that when writers split up the US they usually end up with something dumb. TX might one day leave and there are lots of states that America might want to get rid of but no large group wants to leave and quit being "Merikuns!".

Offline NO1SY

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Re: 'Reapers'~~~Story Help
« Reply #20 on: March 10, 2015, 08:49:42 PM »
Dude you should really put some of that in spoiler tags so that it's not such a freakin' huge wall of text...

Offline Dr.Striker

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Re: 'Reapers'~~~Story Help
« Reply #21 on: March 10, 2015, 09:10:20 PM »
Whoa! That's a very good review Crackhead Johny!

I think there's more to cover, but I like seeing good effort in reviewing other people's work like this!  :clapping:

Seriously! I agree with everything you said about this! It's been a while since I didn't see somebody post an insightful review such as this! XD

Kudos to you buddy. I'd like to add more but I think this is at least sufficient for now,  great stuff, naturally, should not be neglected at all XD

Offline Aozora

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Re: 'Reapers'~~~Story Help
« Reply #22 on: March 10, 2015, 10:19:29 PM »
I completely agree with Striker. I'm impressed by your breadth of knowledge on such a wide variety of topics...

Crackhead Johnny, I'd appreciate it if you could offer your thoughts on my work sometime.
The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.

Check out my stories here: http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php?topic=12492.msg213349#msg213349

Offline swearzy

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Re: 'Reapers'~~~Story Help
« Reply #23 on: March 11, 2015, 02:42:26 AM »
I wish my brain was smart D: I could never think of something that thorough

Offline GingerStark

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Re: 'Reapers'~~~Story Help
« Reply #24 on: March 11, 2015, 03:59:42 AM »
You know, after what I just read, you should consider changing your name to Steroids Johny because I can see you’ve put a lot of work into this!
Thanks for doing this, I’m aware that as a draft/concept, this has a long way to go and is in need of scrutiny. Furthermore, having spent 2 months away from this, I can agree that this needs a shake up.
Now, my reply to your points… (Apologies for not knowing how to use the quote tool)

Yes, inspired by Judge Dredd, but also Star Wars KOTOR and Raid Redemption. I like Judge Dredd that it’s a clever critique on not only Fascism, but also Thatcherism and Democracy.

I could have said cleaners :hmm: Reapers does work as a good slang insult though. Good suggestion there, though I have also got another group called PeaceKeepers XD

Actually, considering they found tons of oil under Australia (More than the middle east) that can lengthen the delay before the oil crisis. Who knows how much more oil is waiting underneath the earth…
But this is all speculation on our end. It’s very uncertain what’s going to happen with oil and future energy, which makes it all the more better for making up futuristic stories.

Oxygen recycling as in help convert the smog into something more breathable, you can tell I haven’t researched much into that area yet.

Either way, the WWIII won’t happen now. Originally it was going to be part of some fantasy element I was going to write, but that didn’t work out. As far as the background is concerned, it’s mostly empty.

You seemed to have replied to a lot of Liuxess’s feedback? Would you like me to comment on that or is it aimed more at him?

Ah, there can still be debate over death penalty on the spot. Especially if it’s a child with a gun. Also consider that the audience won’t all be in favour of death penalty.

The military does serve to de-individualise people, and if someone has an unbalanced mental state to begin with, it can cause permanent psychological damage which can alter their personality dramatically.

I see I see… I’ll dig into more research with gun law then. I was planning on something such as a military-industrial complex with one of the Southern factions, but it was just an idea to see if it’s workable.
--
Considering all that though, the direction I am going to go with is more like the Judge Dredd movie. Reapers (Name subject to change, ehehe) are there for missions in the urban landscape now, especially clearing out large tower-blocks (as big as those in Judge Dredd). I’ve only been thinking about it for a couple of days, but it feels more focused than the original concept. Either way, still a work in progress, so anything that teases my brain is welcome.

By the way, you should consider joining the Private Reviews thread on manga raiders; it could always do with more people onboard  :thumbsup:
http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php/topic,9013.0.html

Thanks again for your time spent on this, it's good to see another perspective added to the mix  :hmm:

Offline Crackhead Johny

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Re: 'Reapers'~~~Story Help
« Reply #25 on: March 11, 2015, 12:19:45 PM »
Actually, considering they found tons of oil under Australia (More than the middle east) that can lengthen the delay before the oil crisis. Who knows how much more oil is waiting underneath the earth…
But this is all speculation on our end. It’s very uncertain what’s going to happen with oil and future energy, which makes it all the more better for making up futuristic stories.
Last documentary I saw said that no new fields had been found in the last 30(?) years.
Either way people on the fields (OPEC) are motivated to lie about how much is there because they get to sell according to how much they says they are sitting on. Which in turn means when we run out, it will happen fast, and there will be surprise. If the US was smart they would ban selling our oil to foreign nations and just sit on our stuff until the world's runs out. But that would interfere with this quarter's profits.

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Oxygen recycling as in help convert the smog into something more breathable, you can tell I haven’t researched much into that area yet.
Gas masks filter garbage like smog out of the air. This is why they they are a mainstay of post apocalyptic movies or living in Beijing.

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Either way, the WWIII won’t happen now. Originally it was going to be part of some fantasy element I was going to write, but that didn’t work out. As far as the background is concerned, it’s mostly empty.
If not resource wars.
WW3 is just 1 nuke launch away. It would still have to be a limited exchange or you have no population to write a story about.
Will it be Iran and Israel who start it? If that happens we can get there before the resource wars.
Will it be religious fanatics wiping New York off the planet, with a Romanian garage sale nuke? (Vice's guide to life shows how to go buy one)

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Ah, there can still be debate over death penalty on the spot. Especially if it’s a child with a gun. Also consider that the audience won’t all be in favour of death penalty.
The thing is with Dreed no one debates that. everyone just thinks how cool Dredd is.
The other thing is that when you are over populated and under fed life gets very cheap. people do not even question child with a gun at that point. There are places in this world with child soldiers that demonstrate this. Sure the average person in the US may go "OMG Modern Warfare on the Kony playstation is children!", but locally the kids are just a threat and nothing to be pitied. The outrage is what happens far away in nations that have the privilege of being outraged.
In my own neighborhood a neighbor let me know that the police were searching for some 9 year old neighborhood kid who was going to murder another kid.
People though the gun he had was a toy until he dropped the mag and showed them it was real. Then they called the cops. This kid is already known to be a prolific vandal and thief. Sadly if he died in a shoot out with the cops I'd be fine with it as he will kill people eventually. The media would turn it into an outrage for the page views and advertising money that generates but in the end the shootout would save good people's lives.

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Considering all that though, the direction I am going to go with is more like the Judge Dredd movie. Reapers (Name subject to change, ehehe) are there for missions in the urban landscape now, especially clearing out large tower-blocks (as big as those in Judge Dredd). I’ve only been thinking about it for a couple of days, but it feels more focused than the original concept. Either way, still a work in progress, so anything that teases my brain is welcome.
I would steer away from this. What it sounds like is a fanfic of the movie (please tell me this is not destined to become slash).
What can you do so people will not read you work and say "Oh, you are just ripping off the Dredd movie!"? As Iconic as the comics are and as popular and well liked as the movie was it seems like a bad direction to go to create your own work. Kind of like trying to make Arachnid Man (it is about this nerd who gets bitten by a spider and that gives him super powers). Or to the point, if you paint the Statue of Liberty pink, no one thinks it is a whole new statue and claiming credit for creating it...


If it focuses mostly on clearing the large apartment buildings does this become a procedural drama type thing? It could go more character driven at that point and allow for more examination of the death penalty. It should be noted that the building was just the movie, Dredd deals with all kinds of different things.
I do think primarily clearing buildings would possibly make a fun board or video game (It has been done several times already) but would get boring and repetitive if made into a story.

Another thing, Eco-Terrorists were mentioned. These are a sad cliche' punching bag for bad writers, and have been for a long time.
Eco-T: Hahaha! I will now release my virus which will eat all the fossil fuel on the planet, thus saving the meerkats!
Derek Oil: But if you do that, no one can grow food, and the world will starve, and you will starve with them!
Eco-T: that is where you are wrong, I and my fellow ecoterrorists are cannibals, so we will be fine!
Helpless citizen: Oh god he looks hungry and he has a fork! Run!!!
Derek Oil: Not so fast Eco-T, I shall stop you with the power of clean coal!
/Derek Oil shoots out a huge cloud of black choking smoke, incapacitating Eco-T and killing his rabid meerkat sidekick.

Some corporations who advertise on TV, suggest these as bad guys because the Ecos want to stop things like pollution (yeah, a lot are complete nut bags, but they are a really sad bad guy when it comes to writing). Then other writers see this and copy it.

You are in the UK, you have already talked about the over population, how about fertility warriors as one of the bad guys?
What if the UK says that to be on the dole you and your kids must be sterilized (we will support you, you just can't make more people for us to support)? When your unemployed chavs want to keep breeding like rabbits and getting their check, the shopping riots will be like nothing compared to what they would do if that became law. What if everyone was kept sterile until a birth permit was approved?

Offline Crackhead Johny

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Re: 'Reapers'~~~Story Help
« Reply #26 on: March 11, 2015, 12:30:29 PM »
Dude you should really put some of that in spoiler tags so that it's not such a freakin' huge wall of text...
Wall of text attack is my secret technique!

Offline swearzy

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Re: 'Reapers'~~~Story Help
« Reply #27 on: March 11, 2015, 01:33:59 PM »
Dude you should really put some of that in spoiler tags so that it's not such a freakin' huge wall of text...
Wall of text attack is my secret technique!

Ahhh nooo! I... I can't stop my self from getting lost in all this text!  *eyes dry out*

Offline Crackhead Johny

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Re: 'Reapers'~~~Story Help
« Reply #28 on: March 11, 2015, 01:50:13 PM »
Dude you should really put some of that in spoiler tags so that it's not such a freakin' huge wall of text...
Wall of text attack is my secret technique!

Ahhh nooo! I... I can't stop my self from getting lost in all this text!  *eyes dry out*
Umm, neither anime, manga, or old kung fu movies really cover what to do once someone knows your secret technique..

Go back to sensei and get a new one? Go hipster and next time say "Wall of text attack is my pretty obscure, you probably haven't heard of it technique! eventually going with "Wall of text attack is my signature technique!"?
« Last Edit: March 11, 2015, 01:51:49 PM by Crackhead Johny »

Offline Bazza

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Re: 'Reapers'~~~Story Help
« Reply #29 on: March 11, 2015, 02:33:42 PM »
Johnny I think u need to chill out a bit, this is a manga/anime forum a hell of a lot of anime/manga is based off of impossible/unrealistic/borderline plagiarised concepts. Maybe it would help if u change ur name to pothead johnny or summin, I've heard that sometimes that kind of thing helps with the whole mean hat stuff :thumbsup: