January 15, 2021, 08:59:06 AM

------------------------------------------

If you have Login Problems Use the Login in Top Menu Bar


------------------------------------------
If you have a problem registering here, Leave a msg at our FB Page >> Here.

Plz Don't use Hotmail to Register. You might not receive Activation mail. Use Other free mail provider like Gmail or Yahoo.






Author Topic: New story for you to critize  (Read 3257 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline santuli

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 13
    • View Profile
New story for you to critize
« on: March 27, 2009, 07:32:14 AM »
Ok here it goes

this one's called Early Press

We have two main characters that are opposed to each other

Truman: He's the killer. Main characteristics are: He's a prodigy, he's cuacasian, family guy, Journalist, Follows orders, Childhood trauma.

James: He's the cop. He's corrupt, does drugs (coke mostly), selfish, No family, Still wants to do the right thing, He's black, he's inteligent and intuitive.

Here's chapter one:

First we start with a child sitting on a chair with the head looking down surrounded by two grown-ups that are yelling at him. Next we show an adult in his office and a close look at his tag name (Truman) He's a journalist. He get's a call and someone says to him "We got nothing, we need a story now, do your thing" He ends the call, opens a drawer and take a shotgun along with a clown mask. He gets down to the street (hiding the shotgun and mask obviously) and goes to an alley he puts the mask and starts shooting at random people while shouting. Now we show a police office where there's a guy doing cocaine (James) Someone knocks the door and enters. The guy gives James a newspaper with a pack of money wrapped in it. He gets the money and reads the newspaper. Front page is an image of a wierd clown guy shooting at people. He stares at the photo and shouts "This ain't right".

Ok that's it...


This is a mouse hunt between the killer and the cop, eventually they cope with each other and they change places more than once (one becomes the mouse the other the cat back and forth)


OK feel free to comment, the art on this story i was thinking it would be like Naoki Urasawa's or Takehiko Inoue's with a touch of DC comics meaning similar to reality but not too close...


Santi

Offline Coryn

  • Director of the MR Science Division
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 21085
  • Gender: Male
  • Secretly a 13 year old girl.
    • View Profile
Re: New story for you to critize
« Reply #1 on: March 27, 2009, 08:52:31 PM »
sounds interesting. would make a good live action movie i think

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline santuli

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 13
    • View Profile
Re: New story for you to critize
« Reply #2 on: March 29, 2009, 02:48:26 PM »
Thanks for the comment

live action huh? cool reminds me of the monster movie thats coming soon (i hope)

anybody else care to say something bout the story?

Offline h_musick

  • Lurking...
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 2488
  • Gender: Female
  • Troll-patrol
    • View Profile
Re: New story for you to critize
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2009, 07:40:37 PM »
ooooo... i would really like to see this when you are done!
http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php/topic,8367.0.html

"Artists who seek perfection in everything are those who cannot attain it in anything."
- Gustave Flaubert

Offline santuli

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 13
    • View Profile
Re: New story for you to critize
« Reply #4 on: March 29, 2009, 08:09:08 PM »
cool i need an artist though xD

Offline Hasith

  • xYx
  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 6123
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
Re: New story for you to critize
« Reply #5 on: March 30, 2009, 05:46:20 AM »
I want to ask about this character James .. You say he is corrupt but want to do the right thing. So what you mean by he is corrupt ? his drug addiction ?

Offline santuli

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 13
    • View Profile
Re: New story for you to critize
« Reply #6 on: March 30, 2009, 08:29:43 AM »
I mean hes corrupt meaning he doesnt care about justice cause he thinks the system is all wrong no matter what he does the bad guys still get out of jail so hes fed up and thats why he decides to get hes part in this dirty business but when he sees this clown situation he thinks this is the case thats gonna get him to the top where he can change how the system works. Hes addiction is just another layer of hes complex personality he wants to quit but hes addicted

thanks for the comment i hope that answer your question

Santi

Offline Cache

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 756
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
Re: New story for you to critize
« Reply #7 on: March 30, 2009, 08:38:45 AM »
It does sound interesting, but it's something we have to keep in mind that it takes a lot of reasearch to do a good detective story because you have to keep EVERYONE  puzzled about that's going on. But it would be cool if you could pull it off. I wrote a story similar so I like the ideology.
The website!!! Go and Enjoy! www.adventuresofyaz.com

Offline santuli

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 13
    • View Profile
Re: New story for you to critize
« Reply #8 on: March 30, 2009, 09:26:50 AM »
Thanks cache and yeah i agree with what you said it takes research and you got cover all the spots and not make it ovbious and on top of that it has to be fun to read and people have to care about the characters so its hard but its a lot of fun so im going all out to finish the whole plot with almost everything covered and lets hope an artist comes my way and we get a nice comic done...  :laughing11:



Santi

Offline Hasith

  • xYx
  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 6123
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
Re: New story for you to critize
« Reply #9 on: March 30, 2009, 09:59:07 AM »
Yep Cache is right. When it comes to a detective story creator has to keep audiance puzzled and interested. Make them curious to read what happen next is important so I think each Volume has to end with something which make them long to read the next volume. Well I have to admit I haven't watch/read any detective Manga/Anime, so tell me few if you guys know.

By the way  Santi, Don't forget to check others stories and drawings. Plz give them reviews just like they did to you. I'm sure they would love it and you will get more responds too.
« Last Edit: March 30, 2009, 10:54:12 AM by Hasith »

Offline Cache

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 756
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
Re: New story for you to critize
« Reply #10 on: March 30, 2009, 10:00:53 AM »
haha I'm currently working on one like this with my brother. He's the writer though because his detective and puzzle knowledge is ridiculous. But good luck! i look forward to seeing the progress!
The website!!! Go and Enjoy! www.adventuresofyaz.com

Offline santuli

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 13
    • View Profile
Re: New story for you to critize
« Reply #11 on: March 30, 2009, 10:34:22 AM »
Thanks for the comments, im gonna reply on the other topics Hasith dont worry   :JC_cheesy:

From now on since i dont have an artist yet (Hasith were else can i post im looking for one?) im gonna be posting the next chapters (synopsis not every dialogue) so you can see how the story evolves and let me know if you understand it xD

Cache let me know when you start "publishing" your  detective comic i definetely wanna check it out