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Author Topic: Daniel The Dimension Guardian.  (Read 6212 times)

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Offline kinre

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Re: Daniel The Dimension Guardian.
« Reply #30 on: December 02, 2014, 11:55:04 PM »

I understand more of your Cyberbulling than you anything. Since I was bulling in from Elementary  to High School. It's my fault that I haven't exp some of the stuff like you so called 'normal' people do like go to college or anything like that. Isn't my fault that way you normal people treats special needs people like a second rate.  It isn't my fault that I had to take special classes from Middle School to High School.  You think I didn't tried to draw Manga? You are dead wrong. I stink at drawing it but I'm better then my parents at drawing.  I have friends that better artist than me. 

Before you bash someone like you did me. You should get to know them a little better.  You talk a big game but you don't have the teeth to do anything about it.  From this point on you are chihuahua in my eyes. All bark no bite.

You want make yourself feel so MACHO. Go head pumped you ego until it's exslpode.

i don't care about your special need people . i only care if you got the skill to make a manga, which you don't. don't act like you are a sad person, that need people to help. no 1 will help you to make a manga just because you are a person that need special care.
 so i also guess that you think people will buy your manga/story just because you are special? well maybe some people will, but i will not.

and if you have give up drawing just because you suck at it, then what make you think that you understand anything about drawing or manga.  99.9% artist learn though hard work , and not because they are special.
so that also prove that you don't understand what it need to draw a manga.

so what if your friend better at drawing then you...... that mean nothing you know.....
is the same  , that i say my drawing skill is better then you. that mean nothing.

people are telling that your lack so many skill and here you just take it that people are bullying you. so i guess that anything that is bad is bulling , and nothing to do with fact that your skill is bad, and understand skill is bad,

 . so i guess that you are also doing the same thing to kishimoto(although he not here, but you are saying bad thing about him)

(Before you bash someone like you did me. You should get to know them a little better.  You talk a big game but you don't have the teeth to do anything about it.)
don't have teeth to do what? bully you? i though i am already doing that to you.
if you mean drawing, i draw alot  , if you mean making manga , i do make manga.

again and again, you can't prove anything with out writing out your story, ( the thing you just write is more like information then story.)
you need to make people understand what you trying to show, and the feeling of your story.  and not just giving information to people , that saying what the main char doing or what is happening . you are here to tell people a story, not tell people information like in games.

in the end if you want to make a story or a manga, you need to understand what viewer understand base on your writing, which i am sure not many people going to like the thing/way that you write.

and if you just going to take anything that is bad as bully, you can never understand what people think of your story/writing skill.
 if people feel/understand that your story/writing is bad, it is what they feel/understand , you can disagree with it, but you can't take it as bully. if you take it that way no 1 will tell you what they feel about it, and you will never understand what other think of your story/writing and you will never improve.

but really if your aim is just to write for fun, you should just make thing your self only, and don't ask people what they think of your story , and how to improve. then you will not get any bad comment .
« Last Edit: December 03, 2014, 12:32:41 AM by kinre »
trying to be pro drawer

Offline Lovus Eternius

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Re: Daniel The Dimension Guardian.
« Reply #31 on: December 03, 2014, 12:45:43 AM »
you should just make thing your self only, and don't ask people what they think of your story , and how to improve. then you will not get any bad comment.
I concur.

Offline thegeekismad

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Re: Daniel The Dimension Guardian.
« Reply #32 on: December 03, 2014, 01:07:07 AM »
@Dangerous8 There's nothing wrong in writing a story that involves multiple and different "Dimensions" but in doing so, keep in mind that you should think of an aspect that can bind them all otherwise it will all be disarrayed. Now when it comes to your ideas, I highly suggest you put more thoughts into it. Your "First Chapter" have a LOT of flaws in it. You keep on INTRODUCING people and events that just doesn't make any sense. You can't just add anything that comes into your mind. Your story goes everywhere and nothing makes any sense. You have Terrorist Bombing, Angels, End of the World, 4 Hot Guys(LOL!), unreasonable super powers, etc. next thing I'm expecting in your story is a Demon Unicorn teaching your MC the way of the Ninja.

Offline Lumaria

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Re: Daniel The Dimension Guardian.
« Reply #33 on: December 03, 2014, 01:18:27 AM »
that's basically what i'm saying, this idea has no foundation. .... the story has no laws, no rules...its all over and the idea of multiple dimensions doesn't make sense either
Stop playing victim....you know what you did.

Offline Dangerous8

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Re: Daniel The Dimension Guardian.
« Reply #34 on: December 03, 2014, 06:53:55 AM »
The first chapter is mostly about the main character duh. So you want a second chapter? You guys are just bullies. You don't care about body. You just care about yourself.

The First Chapter is how the main character feeling lone. A Small background of the Main Character. His life before his journey.


Here's the Second Chapter:


     
    After exiting the Portal. The orange spite is floating and telling Daniel all his life. Daniel asked, "By the way. What's your name?"  Floating orange ball of light replied, "I  was a ninja.  My chika system was overload with my secrets and my emotion built up.  Do answer your question. I forgot my name. Wait a second. I just remember my name. The name is Norio Shiro."  Daniel smiled at his fellow traveler.   Daniel said, "That this dimensions is icky and creepy."

Norio said, "You are on your own now. Daniel. " That's when the Trolls capture Norio Shiro in a old dusty jar cause Norio Shiro was once the most powerful Ninja with his Chika. One of the trolls said, "Beat it strange creature. We are only after this stupid ball of light cause he holds the secret to his dimension. Wait second creature."


On the mental command by their unknown leader. Their leader just found out that there was rare human from the dimensional 8 cause no one that used to live had the guts to travel through a dimensional portals.  The Aliens that Dimensional Portal designers is was waiting for the right person. They saw what's going happen. So they first join up with one of their rivals the Angels to save one human but to their surprise that Angels also saw what was going happen too. So they agreed to help each other. 

The leader told the ground troops that the person is in front of them is more rare than any other creatures in the whole Dimensional Universes.  The troll troops heard their leader's oldest daughter, Rabenda. All of the trolls have duck butt hair style and gold eyes as well.  The Rabenda wants to married Daniel not because he's a rare find but in troll society marriages means own like as a pet.   The captain of the troll troops ordered, "Get that 8ian. Our leader wants him to be come his daughter's husband."

The trolls celebrates with a yelled, "YEAH. We are going to have a feast. It been a very long time since we  had our feast." Other troll said, "My father said we only have a feast if the next heir found her/his husband/wife."   Daniel was overwhelm and out numbered as well.

When Daniel came to. He felt he was on a cold table. The doctor troll said, "Those 'aliens' that abducted people in your home dimensions. We actually us trolls using our tricks. On the minds of those pathetic humans. By the way. I just injected DNAs of other dimensional creatures. I just hope you don't die cause that'll be my death as well."

Daniel asked, "What did you do to me? Also why are you doing this to me?"

Doctor troll asked, "What are you deaf human?  First I  alright did answered your first question but I can explain to answered your second one…cough… We  trolls are interested how your body will react to those dimensional creature's DNAs.  By the way. Us trolls were the ones who tricked the  the terrorists and others to blew up you people. We also had some traps under all of the major government buildings. We also knew that Angels and Aliens joined forces to save one 8ian. "

That's when Rabenda Shai. Who has a figure to the trolls as goddess, her hair is lavender  and pink hair ribbon which she stole from a princess in the dimension 40.  She went up to  Daniel and said, "I want to be the first to welcome you to the 16 dimension my 'beloved'. "  She kiss him on his nose. In this trolls tradition is that if a female troll specially the heir of group of trolls kiss a male troll or any male on his nose. It means that she is claimed by the person she'd kissed.

Rabenda sat next to her 'husband' and said, "All through my childhood. All of the male trolls always tried to trick me into kissed them on their noses.  Have a bad night my beloved."    Daniel's emotional built up was calling to Norio Shiro. Who was in the jar on the counter.  Norio pushing against the glass of the jar and on the last push the jar broken. He went into the Daniel's system created a new system that close to Norio's chika system 

Norio said, "We have merge as one. We get out of this dimension. I'll train you in my use of chika powers. This will help you with controlling your powers. I changed the DNA of those creatures into be able to form into them. Now break the bunds us to this table."

 Rabenda's father the leader of the group came down after hearing the noise.  His name is Riru Kurieita and said, "Ah I see you are a pathetic fighter but it be a wake since I fought. Actually it be ages. Let's see good you actually are. Let's see how well your dimensional creatures train you."

 Daniel had few fights when he was bullied back in Wacky Elementary, Middle and High Schools back in the 8 dimension. He used to watch Dangerous Wrestling Federation, Dangerous Championship Wrestling, Dangerous Non-stop Assemble and Dangerous Extreme Championship.  So he use all the technicals submissions  stuff he saw on TV but that didn't work at all. So he  decide to do ones  from his childhood TV shows: Tooney Lunes and Jim and Terry. That work much better. Daniel used all of his powers tried to get way like weather power and planets. Rabenda stalking him like a crazy stalking. Who doesn't know how to in react with males of other dimensions. 

An Alien came to Daniel's rescued.  In the mind scape of Daniel's. He sees a figure coming in to the light.  He can tell it was male of sort. The man said, "I'm Norio Shiro." Norio Shiro's skin is orange, ocean blue iris with green eyes, a diagonal scar  from his bridge of his narrow nose to his right cheek bone, the right  pupil looks like the waning crescent moon, the left pupil looks like the waxing crescent moon, two stitches on his left cheek, spiky pink hair and pink goatee as well but tint of grey.  He's wearing samurai armor with black ninja clothes and shoes. He also wears a black cape that reaches just above his knees. Both of his arms are wooded.

Norio Shiro said, "After see your memories of a your once favorite Manga about Shin Daiki. That manga is kinda like my life. I guess the creator named Seiichi Michi was in tune with my life. Any way. I'm going take care of the plant manipulation and the weather manipulation. We will only use these powers for gardening unleash we are in dyer need to use them. I can't give you my powers cause our bodies different but I can give you my chika system to make you more harder to kill you. I'll show you how to control your new body and first we have to teach you about your new body.  From your shoulders to you second knuckles on your fingers and thumb. One arm have 13 chika points. It's the same way with your legs as well. All together you have 52 chika points. The second part of you need knew. That'll change is that your abilities of shape shifting, intangibility, teleportation, cloth manipulation and your regeneration would be coming from your body aka your torso arena.  We have our own Yuu Tamotsu that create strategies for War.  In your terms. He was a Emperor of sorts. When I was a child. I had group called, 'Black-Dusk' coming after me cause off something my parents did to me. Since then I found out who my parents were and out of character I married my stalker for some strange reason. That I still don't understand that. My first love and my rival/best friend married each other to my dismay before I was killed by my own son. He's continued the cycle of hatred that I tried to stopped."



Daniel asked, "What did your son killed you?"

Norio Shiro replied, "He found that I never love his mother like I was with his adopted Aunt. That's why my emotional built up. One of my teachers told as a child. That isn't good to bottle up your feelings or you'll will eventually explode in the worse way possible." with a sorrow look on his face.

Daniel look sad. Norio said, "Before I became the orange ball of light. I saw my first love  kissed  my lips but I didn't felt it. For in the hope that I forgive her for not choosing me first. When I was alive. I promise them if I could come back to myself. After that I found alternate dimension. When she choose me over my rival.  I'll will. That's where we are going to go next but first I heard a rumor about these trolls stole something called a Dimensional Gate Controller. That was created by Alienkies. They are the smartest creatures in everything dimension.  They are giving a reward for it's return. The Alienkies are creatures that is more like your engineers and scientists mixed. They look like a mixture of Aliens in your movies and monkies."


Daniel said, "Rabenda whispered to me whiled I was out cold but I could still heard her cracking voice. If I want to married her. I have to tried to killed her twice. It's the Trolls' ritual for female trolls and for male trolls. They have to married their stalkers. " A shiver when down both Daniel's and Norio's spines.

Norio Shiro said, "We can grabbed it and head to other dimensions.  On the way. I'll tell you about other dimensions. Centaurs are more like your Conservatives.  Konkies are more like your Liberals.  Wolions are more like your Christians. Mermaids are like the Jews. Griffin is more like the Muslims.  Wowls are more like your detectives. Minotaurs are more like your Samurais. Woxes are more like your ninjas.  Vampires are the spies. Werewolves are like soldiers.  Cupids are like the cartoons. Fairies are like the mothers. Pixies are more like the fathers. Hobgoblins are like the Nazi. Goblins are like the Mafia.  Elves are into dark magic.  Trolls you found out is a collectors, tricksters and mad scientists. Alpha King created all of the dimensions for the creatures that trolls experiment with. Dragons are more evil creatures in all of the dimensions."

So they head out of the clearing to face. Daniel's nightmare. Daniel have to be tricker than the trolls themselves. That's when Rabenda came into the field and said, "I finally  found you my 'beloved'." Daniel tried to defend but in Rabenda's eyes Daniel is trying to 'kill' her. She let out a loud of cheer but it sound like a banshees' scream. She knock him out with gentle punched to the neck. She drugged him while he was out cold. So she had her private time with him.
« Last Edit: December 03, 2014, 07:19:59 AM by Dangerous8 »

Offline Dangerous8

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Re: Daniel The Dimension Guardian.
« Reply #35 on: December 03, 2014, 07:26:38 AM »
@Dangerous8 There's nothing wrong in writing a story that involves multiple and different "Dimensions" but in doing so, keep in mind that you should think of an aspect that can bind them all otherwise it will all be disarrayed. Now when it comes to your ideas, I highly suggest you put more thoughts into it. Your "First Chapter" have a LOT of flaws in it. You keep on INTRODUCING people and events that just doesn't make any sense. You can't just add anything that comes into your mind. Your story goes everywhere and nothing makes any sense. You have Terrorist Bombing, Angels, End of the World, 4 Hot Guys(LOL!), unreasonable super powers, etc. next thing I'm expecting in your story is a Demon Unicorn teaching your MC the way of the Ninja.

Those superpowers will help the main character to survive in other dimensions like in the wild. Since he doesn't know how garden or anything or cook. The powers are either defense or help him survive. Those powers will come into play more often.   

First Chapter is about how Daniel feels alone and out of place every where he goes.

Offline Dangerous8

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Re: Daniel The Dimension Guardian.
« Reply #36 on: December 03, 2014, 01:01:36 PM »
that's basically what i'm saying, this idea has no foundation. .... the story has no laws, no rules...its all over and the idea of multiple dimensions doesn't make sense either


Daniel's life is in a mess up. That's what I'm trying to get across.  You could say life doesn't make sense either.  How I see the world doesn't make sense.

Like some people doesn't want get married but they have girls/boys after them.
Other people want to get  married but they have no one going to them.

How gays/Lesbian go for straight guys/gals & vise verse as well.

« Last Edit: December 03, 2014, 02:07:12 PM by Dangerous8 »

Offline Dangerous8

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Re: Daniel The Dimension Guardian.
« Reply #37 on: December 03, 2014, 03:42:50 PM »
But DC and Marvel.do it for the sake of writing an original story of the same character while at the same time all of it being canon. Here you want the story to literally be about dimensions. And the organization is really bad.

It's isn't all about Dimensions. Dimensions is part of how I feel about my life. Daniel  is kinda a like Memma but not evil or happy as Naruto. He just feels out of place.

Offline Lumaria

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Re: Daniel The Dimension Guardian.
« Reply #38 on: December 03, 2014, 03:58:23 PM »
Dimensions is the deal breaker in this story. This story sounds just as disorganized as Daniel
Stop playing victim....you know what you did.

Offline Dangerous8

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Re: Daniel The Dimension Guardian.
« Reply #39 on: December 03, 2014, 04:50:17 PM »
Dimensions is the deal breaker in this story. This story sounds just as disorganized as Daniel


Are you willingly to help by being my Editor?

I'll give you the all the details & more. PM me if you want to be.

Offline Dangerous8

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Re: Daniel The Dimension Guardian.
« Reply #40 on: December 03, 2014, 05:24:16 PM »
Dimensions is the deal breaker in this story. This story sounds just as disorganized as Daniel

Show me how would you do a Dimensional story?

Offline Dangerous8

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Re: Daniel The Dimension Guardian.
« Reply #41 on: December 03, 2014, 05:34:44 PM »
How would do my story. Give me some ideas. Please. How would you do Dimensions?

Offline Lumaria

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Re: Daniel The Dimension Guardian.
« Reply #42 on: December 03, 2014, 06:38:41 PM »
I would NOT organize dimensions by a single culture or aspect of a culture. For example a dimension heavily dominated by ninjas and another by samurai. Thats what makes your story disorganized and random by ideas.

Lets also look at what dimensions are. Unlike kingdom Hearts, dimensions take up there one universe. So it means multiple aspects of this dimension. Not just a single race or species. First of all you dont explain the nature and relationship between the worlds.

In Naryto the nations all were dominated by chakra, ninja and chakra.

Stop playing victim....you know what you did.

Offline Dangerous8

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Re: Daniel The Dimension Guardian.
« Reply #43 on: December 03, 2014, 07:08:04 PM »
I would NOT organize dimensions by a single culture or aspect of a culture. For example a dimension heavily dominated by ninjas and another by samurai. Thats what makes your story disorganized and random by ideas.

Lets also look at what dimensions are. Unlike kingdom Hearts, dimensions take up there one universe. So it means multiple aspects of this dimension. Not just a single race or species. First of all you dont explain the nature and relationship between the worlds.

In Naryto the nations all were dominated by chakra, ninja and chakra.

The  How about we call it the Lorenx? It's mixture of Chakra and Ki Some have more than others. 8 Dimensions had all most none.

Since people anyway confuse Ki from DB and Chakra from Naruto.
« Last Edit: December 03, 2014, 07:49:57 PM by Dangerous8 »

Offline Dangerous8

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Re: Daniel The Dimension Guardian.
« Reply #44 on: December 03, 2014, 08:07:25 PM »