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Author Topic: Obus the samurai king: check and tel me what u tink  (Read 2244 times)

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Offline Ocean9ty

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Obus the samurai king: check and tel me what u tink
« on: December 09, 2008, 07:17:14 AM »
Gud day guys i started a manga some time ago,i tink its the first frm an african.i am presently posting it in my blog  obusanime.blogspot.com  i need ur supot,encoragemdnt and suggestion.i posted episode 1 some days ago,ensure u read d introduction b4 u proceed,am going to post episode 2 on friday.go check episode 1 and tell me what u tink.and ensure u tell others.tanx

Offline Hasith

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Re: Obus the samurai king: check and tel me what u tink
« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2008, 07:38:21 AM »
Could you plz post the episode 1 here in your topic ? That would be better.

Also plz don't double post. I had to delete the duplicate thread in FanArt board.

you can put your site in your signature.

Offline Coryn

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Re: Obus the samurai king: check and tel me what u tink
« Reply #2 on: December 09, 2008, 06:04:08 PM »
if you post your manga here im sure youll get plenty of suggestions from the writers here (including myself) and dont worry we believe in constructive criticism here.

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline kazbat028

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Re: Obus the samurai king: check and tel me what u tink
« Reply #3 on: December 10, 2008, 11:49:01 AM »
Most of the time! lol

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Offline Lambo-san

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Re: Obus the samurai king: check and tel me what u tink
« Reply #4 on: December 21, 2008, 08:53:19 PM »
err i looked at it and..its..bad. he wrote the script in poem-like stanza form and you cant understand his accent.
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Offline Coryn

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Re: Obus the samurai king: check and tel me what u tink
« Reply #5 on: December 21, 2008, 11:16:40 PM »
ok i can understand the accent. but heres the thing. you cant write. what i mean is, you need to paint the picture, tell us whats going on, give back stories, and dont post all characters in section in beginning and expect people to remember them. basically your writing a play. your writing in shakespeare style. all lines no surroundings. shakespeare wrote that way cause he couldnt use props for scenery. the audience had to imagine everything about the characters surroundings. thats fine for a play but this is manga you have to tell us more. im not trying to be mean here its just you seem a bit naive on how to write a manga without pictures. go to fan fics and look up some stories that might give you some idea on how to write things.

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline kazbat028

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Re: Obus the samurai king: check and tel me what u tink
« Reply #6 on: January 07, 2009, 11:57:16 AM »
Well, honestly, you have a story... But any novel you've ever read can be summed up n ten sentences. I could sum this up in one.
You need much more detail and... anything. Anything at all. You have the bare bones of a story.

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