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Author Topic: Heavy Rayne Manga sidenotes, Character info, general discussion  (Read 13149 times)

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Offline legomaestro

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Re: Heavy Rayne Manga sidenotes, Character info, general discussion
« Reply #60 on: August 30, 2014, 08:57:32 PM »
Amber seems mighty excited.

The second arc has gotten rolling I see. Shio's got some undeniable street cred while the number one student is nervous. I wonder if he's actually powerful. For a moment there I thought he was the one that was assassinated, which would've sort of been a shame.

Shio overwhelming his training room was taken well by the teacher. I guess they already know his abilities? His friendliness with the high ranking officers is interesting.

And Leaz and Amber seem like cool friends. I have a feeling Leaz is weak though.

Where did you get the name Nagoth from? I happened to have used that way back at random haha, was an interesting coincidence.

Looks like politics is really established around this world. Some interesting names and locations have been thrown around, so as always it's cool how much background information you managed to develop.

I wonder if the assassins are truly powerful enough to tango with an Agent, and how useful that is.

I expect Shio to use Zamizuchi to aid in sensing soul power. That could've proved useful at  capturing the criminals at least. Was she with him the whole day? If not then she has a really large sensing range.

Offline Vacant

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Re: Heavy Rayne Manga sidenotes, Character info, general discussion
« Reply #61 on: September 15, 2014, 05:30:36 PM »
I like writing the excitable characters, they can give more exaggerated responses :P

It has indeed dude, although at a slower pace than the last one, will hopefully be back to weekly chapters soon. Nah, got plans for Lu Fang, he's one of the more prominent classmates of Shio and co.

Yeah, I think since it's a school like environment they've been raised to have more of a student/teacher relationship, as opposed to a soldier/commander type deal. Not with the highest ranking Agents mind.

Leaz is that kind of guy that is laid back and tries way too hard to be cool. However, he is ultra competitive and believes he is stronger than Shio. I'd say Shio, Leaz, Amber and Ruby are all comparable in terms of strength, although their attributes vary wildly.

haha, really? Thats pretty cool. Do you ever think of a name then immediately google it, to see what pops up? :P I think it was something I took from when we were kids and used to play Lord of the Rings. I think it was a name we used for a bad guy?

Pretty much, I've said it before, I'm obsessed with fleshing out backgrounds haha.

Ah now you're a clever one Lego. Indeed, she has many advantages over normal humans. Advantages that Shio could potentially tap into. Yeah she was there with him. Usually, she can reside in her soul state, which is inside of him. If she wants she can manifest as an apparition that he can see, or she can use water to form a body of sorts if she wishes. But that'll be covered in time :P

Offline Vacant

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Re: Heavy Rayne Manga sidenotes, Character info, general discussion
« Reply #62 on: November 12, 2014, 03:56:12 PM »
Character Profiles From Chapter 22:

Captain Hida
Spoiler

Personal Information
Full Name: Miyumi Hida
Gender: Female
Height: 5, 5"
Birthday: 7/9/2197 (29)
Hair Colour: Blonde/Pink
Eye Colour: Blue

Professional Information
Affiliation: Academy
Past Affiliation: N/A
Occupation: Professor/Captain
Past Occupation: Major/Agent
Partners/Allies: N/A

Appearance:Captain Hida is a petite adult woman. She has shoulder length light blonde hair with pink streaks dotted about, as well as pink coloured tips. She wears her hair in a braided ponytail that rests over her left shoulder and collarbone. She also wears black bifocal framed Glasses over her blue eyes. She sports the standard Academy Captains Uniform in addition to the Professors coat.

Personality: Captain Hida is a Professor who is noted as being quite popular in Academy. She is caring towards the Students, but can be stern when she needs to be. She is quite mature for her age, hence her being a Professor as well as a Captain and having the additional responsibility. She teaches General Magic and is noted as being adept in nearly all the lores of Magic.

Equipment
-Unknown


Character Profiles From Chapter 23:

General Fairchild
Spoiler

Personal Information
Full Name: Eva Fairchild
Gender: Female
Height: 5,7"
Birthday: 14/3/2196 (30)
Hair Colour: Black
Eye Colour: Brown

Professional Information
Affiliation: Academy
Past Affiliation: N/A
Occupation: Academy General
Past Occupation: Captain/Major/Agent
Partners/Allies: Unknown

Appearance:General Fairchild has the appearance of slender adult woman, standing at an average height. She has very long waist length black hair, which she wears down with a middle parting. She has large brown eyes and usually has a soft smile on her face. She wears the standard Academy General Uniform, with the exception of a thin red scarf hanging around her neck.

Personality: General Fairchild is a reserved and quiet woman. She is kind and caring which suits her role as head of Medical Research in Academy. She earned this role due to her unrivaled ability in Healing Arts and medical science. Due to this, Fairchild is not only well liked and respected inside Nomia, but is also recognised across the world for her contributions in Medical research. Fairchild is unique in that she is the only General in history listed as a "Non-Com", an Agent that does not get involved in combat. It should be noted, that Fairchild does possess a Generals level of soul power and mastery over magic, having earned the moniker "The Rose of Academy" in the past. However, for some reason she stepped away from the front line. Why this is remains a mystery.

Equipment
-Unknown

« Last Edit: December 19, 2014, 06:52:19 PM by Vacant »

Offline Lumaria

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Re: Heavy Rayne Manga sidenotes, Character info, general discussion
« Reply #63 on: November 30, 2014, 06:58:52 AM »
Everytime i read this story...or at least the first half of the first chapter it is heavily confusing just by the way you introduce things. I'm not sure what you are aiming for, but teasing information is good only when it gives a direction of what the world is supposed to look like.

When you reveal this piece of information:

For the last 1000 years, the lores of Magic and the mastery of technology have co-existed. What one could not overcome, the other could easily achieve. One could easily believe this would lead to a utopian society, where the world was free of suffering and greed. But their relationship is not Harmonious. For the possession of each art is divided among the Nations of our world. Magic and the use of Soul Power falls under the jurisdiction of the Mages and Seers that walk this earth. Where as advanced technology is synonymous with the industrial nations. This rift and unease has lead to many wars in the past few centuries and it is but a slither of peace we have clung to this past decade.

^^What am i suppose to imagine here? There's so much information being thrown out but not properly establish.

That is where we come in. We who serve only to protect people, regardless of Nationality. Our actions are guided by Morality and not political or financial gain. We who gather here at Academy, have long strived to be the Peacekeepers of our world"

There's a lot of information here, and all there is to imagine this information is a blank page. These first two scenes tell me a lot on your writing process, you do a lot of "telling" not "showing" and what is generally allowed to be told isn't being told naturally. Would you review your chapters and see if you can point out areas where the issue is repeated?
« Last Edit: November 30, 2014, 07:37:17 AM by Lorenx1 »
Stop playing victim....you know what you did.

Offline Vacant

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Re: Heavy Rayne Manga sidenotes, Character info, general discussion
« Reply #64 on: December 02, 2014, 08:18:58 AM »
hey there,
                Erm, yeah a lot of info there. A nice little bit of text. Just kinda sets the world up, so people know Magic and technology co-exist. That there is turmoil in the world and that sets up who the agents are. So a short paragraph to give that info. I know you mentioned it in the past too, I didn't realise it was so confusing for people, since no one else has mentioned that I dont think and it reads pretty easily to me. Huh, well I'll keep that in mind then.

                 I'm not sure what you're asking in the last bit though sorry. "Would you review your chapters and see if you can point out areas where the issue is repeated?" What issue you want me to look out for to see if its repeated? Where I tell rather than show?

Offline Lumaria

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Re: Heavy Rayne Manga sidenotes, Character info, general discussion
« Reply #65 on: December 02, 2014, 10:01:59 PM »
Giving a setup is also giving a solid image. Now setting up the world and leaving it vague makes this wprld limitless and thats not a good thing. It needs structure.

For example: a world where technology and magic coexist....how? First of all: what are the major distinctions between the two in this world to make them work together?

Magic and technology coexisting is no different than saying magic exists in our world since technology is everywhere.
Stop playing victim....you know what you did.

Offline Vacant

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Re: Heavy Rayne Manga sidenotes, Character info, general discussion
« Reply #66 on: December 02, 2014, 10:34:28 PM »
You want me to reveal how magic and technology came to be, how the possession of each became split and led to wars over centuries of history, in detail.....on the first page?

By the power of greyskull that would be difficult, maybe I could include a fold out page to give me more room perhaps?  :hmm:

But in all serious, I don't think that would be a good idea.  People have a concept of what technology is, as do they for magic too.  That's all that's needed before they are shown the two disciplines if you will. I believe what you're suggesting would take up an entire chapter, which would derail the actual story being introduced in the first place. Not everything needs to be spoon fed in the first five pages, at least that's what I believe.

Offline Lumaria

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Re: Heavy Rayne Manga sidenotes, Character info, general discussion
« Reply #67 on: December 02, 2014, 11:28:41 PM »
It really doesn't...i understand there might be a lot to reveal about the world and it will be revealed in due time. But at this moment, you're not even giving us the basics.

For one, in this world, you did not establish technology and you did not establish magic, but you reveal that Magic and Technology coexist.

For example: most people can understand what alchemy is just by researching it. Yet Fullmetal Alchemist takes its time to establish what Alchemy is in the first chapter.
Stop playing victim....you know what you did.

Offline Vacant

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Re: Heavy Rayne Manga sidenotes, Character info, general discussion
« Reply #68 on: December 03, 2014, 09:07:17 PM »
I'm sorry Loren, but I'm having a hard time processing this....are you saying that people don't know what Magic and Technology are? Granted Magic is fictional, but really anyone will have an idea for what this is upon hearing the word (and they don't have to wonder any further, once spells are shown in the first chapter either)

Let me give some examples of things being introduced early on, but not explained in great detail until later:
-Fairy Tail: In the first chapter, we are told Lucy is a mage, she wants to join a guild. However, the origins of Magic are never explained, or why there are mages. We are just told they are.

-Bleach: In the first Chapter, Rukia uses a Kido spell, she tells Ichigo its a spell only Shinigami can use. But the origins of it are never explained, nor really are the origins of the Shinigami. We are told what they do and where they live.

-Code Geass: Lelouch receives his Geass, in the first episode. We are never told where C.C. came from, where she obtained this power, or really what it is, other than the Power of the kings.

-Final Fantasy VII: When first introduced to Materia, it's not really explained what it is until the flashback scene with Cloud.

-Haruhi: In the first episode, we are not told or learn that Haruhi has any kind of special powers.

Here's some non-Anime/Manga examples too:
-Lord of the Rings: In the first book, the history of the ring is only given very briefly. It is not revealed what happened in Mount Doom, nor about the Nazgul or about how Sauron created it.

-Walking Dead: Rick wakes up to a zombie apocalypse. It is never stated what caused it, or what's happening, but the audience is trusted to connect the dots.

I'm going to stop there with them, but you get my point.

I'm also going to nip this in bud, since I think we've done this enough to know how it goes. We'll end up disagreeing and spending time trying to prove the other person wrong. It won't get either of us anywhere in the end. So I shall say thank you for your feedback Loren, appreciate you giving my story a look and will leave it at that  :D

Offline Lumaria

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Re: Heavy Rayne Manga sidenotes, Character info, general discussion
« Reply #69 on: December 08, 2014, 01:57:56 AM »
I'm sorry Loren, but I'm having a hard time processing this....are you saying that people don't know what Magic and Technology are? Granted Magic is fictional, but really anyone will have an idea for what this is upon hearing the word (and they don't have to wonder any further, once spells are shown in the first chapter either)
Its not about teaching them, but establishing it well in the story.

For example: i know what magic is in the general aspects, but i dont even have an idea of what magic is like in your story.

and obviously technology can be anything. it literally can be caveman inventing the wheel. in fact, a lot of "magic" stories have "technology" in them and coexist. Mentioning it in your story doesn't really give me a clear image. it looks really wishy washy. So giving us an image what technology you're referring in your story but also giving us an idea of what magic is helps us.

Also, the "coexist" part. are they just an inconsistent mix? or i their some form of balance? you can't just drop a bomb like that and expect us to have a good idea of what you wanted us to see.

Quote
Let me give some examples of things being introduced early on, but not explained in great detail until later:
-Fairy Tail: In the first chapter, we are told Lucy is a mage, she wants to join a guild. However, the origins of Magic are never explained, or why there are mages. We are just told they are.
Fairy Tail's first chapter doesn't have a misleading introduction. the entire world of fairy tail is being explained.
Quote
-Bleach: In the first Chapter, Rukia uses a Kido spell, she tells Ichigo its a spell only Shinigami can use. But the origins of it are never explained, nor really are the origins of the Shinigami. We are told what they do and where they live.
Shinigami were told in a way that keep the balance of the world so their origins are more inlined with the origins of everything. without shinigami the world can fall out of balance. Its kind of like saying where the origins of "angels" although it is enough to say God created them. But even if they didn't, their purpose is instrumental to the world. But its not about the origins, but explaining what it actually is. Rukia gave a pretty simple yet thorough explanation of what shinigami, hollow, and soul society is.

I'm asking you to give more foundation to what you're randomly revealing. Its giving some positioning and adding some depth. in FMA they could've randomly revealed what alchemy was....but again, they put weight on it because it makes what the world goes round. heck the origins aren't even explained until the end.

Quote
-Code Geass: Lelouch receives his Geass, in the first episode. We are never told where C.C. came from, where she obtained this power, or really what it is, other than the Power of the kings.
Actually that's where you're wrong. We do know where she came from, where she obtained her power, and what it is.

Quote
-Final Fantasy VII: When first introduced to Materia, it's not really explained what it is until the flashback scene with Cloud.
FF7's cinematic story telling was more of beginning in the middle of the action and then explaining more of it as it goes on. The story was still given enough information throughout the game. In fact there were things that the people didn't know. Materia is instrumental in the game, so when it was explained, it was explained at pinnacle moment in the game.

If you want FF7 style, just don't give an introduction of the world where "technology and magic coexist". not even FF7 explains it the way you are. in this world magic is the technology.

Quote
-Haruhi: In the first episode, we are not told or learn that Haruhi has any kind of special powers.
now other than the episodes being mixed up, even with the legitimate 1st episode, it can be seen without knowing about her powers. but even so the story telling isn't based on knowing what the powers are...

Quote
Here's some non-Anime/Manga examples too:
-Lord of the Rings: In the first book, the history of the ring is only given very briefly. It is not revealed what happened in Mount Doom, nor about the Nazgul or about how Sauron created it.
it gave more than enough information about the world. the origins of the ring wasn't exactly was necessary.
Stop playing victim....you know what you did.

Offline legomaestro

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Re: Heavy Rayne Manga sidenotes, Character info, general discussion
« Reply #70 on: February 27, 2015, 02:58:58 PM »
Thoughts on chapter 26


Fairchild is officially my favourite general ever.

It's been a while but I'm glad that some facts still fit in my head, getting back on track was easy haha. I like how Shio can relate with the other new characters even though they're not his graduating clique. As for the intruige around the murder I don't feel how important the murder was for some reason, nor did I feel anyone was being framed or blamed for it. But this might just be because I haven't read much.

The page where they pull into the train terminal made me think the panels may be an issue when you actually get around to making the manga. Wouldn't a large view like that actually turn out to be a large panel on the page? In fact, some action scenes may need to have larger panels to make them that much more epic so watch out for that when you can.

I'll get to the other chapters asap.

Offline Vacant

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Re: Heavy Rayne Manga sidenotes, Character info, general discussion
« Reply #71 on: February 28, 2015, 05:18:20 PM »
Cheers dude. Ah it's been a while for me too, with xmas and then reviews and work and stuff. Appreciate the read dude, I will be writing more shortly, just need to finish up on the Anthology work and be good to get back to this! :D

Offline legomaestro

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Re: Heavy Rayne Manga sidenotes, Character info, general discussion
« Reply #72 on: March 02, 2015, 04:51:45 AM »
Coolio

Offline legomaestro

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Re: Heavy Rayne Manga sidenotes, Character info, general discussion
« Reply #73 on: May 05, 2015, 05:46:17 PM »
Review for Chapter 27 &  28
HEAVY RAYNE CHAPTER 27: Scavenger Hunt

1.
Panel 4: *Shio slumps against a tree*
             Shio: "I take it this berry is rare then?"           
- I can’t help but think of Pokemon berry hunting .

2.
Panel 5: *Agent Daniels answers*
             Daniels: "No. We don't think it's a case of becoming extinct"           

             Daniels: "We see evidence that the Berries have grown, but they're gone"
- So whatever is plaguing wild life and nature is really on a rampage. I wonder what is happening.

3.
Panel 5: *We see the Group look in shock*
             Kai: "Was the very same man who was murdered"           
- Well that’s a bummer.

I haven’t read in a while and am a bit lost as to why they’re berry hunting instead of investigating said murder, but it was an ok chapter. Funny thing is my favourite bits were Leaz getting his hand irritated and Shio jumping down from a tree non-chalantly.


                       HEAVY RAYNE CHAPTER 28: If You Go Down to the Woods Today

1.
             Shio: "But to feel guilt, you must think that its connected then?"
* it’s

2.

Panel 1: *shio replies to them, a bit touchily*
             Shio: "Taking out an enemies supplies is a standard tactic"       
* Shio
*Taking out an enemies’

3.
Panel 3: *We see in front of him, Zamizuchi is floating around, staring off into the distance intently*

- Zamizuchi! It’s nice to see her.

4.
Panel 3: *We see the Figure is now formed. It resembles a large bear like creature standing on its hind legs. It has large tusks as well as a horn on its head. It's head and forearms are bare, but the rest of its body is covered in thick black fur with a mane of white fur around its neck*
             Daniels: ".....Is that!?"           

- Cliffhanger if there was one

In general it seems you proof your chapters pretty good dude, I think as always I’ll just focus on getting through the story and commenting my reactions to certain scenes. So props on dealing with that. As always it’d be really good to see this illustrated. I am still imagining the Owari no Seraph art style for this.

I’ll read the rest later. How goes the writing on this one ?

Offline Vacant

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Re: Heavy Rayne Manga sidenotes, Character info, general discussion
« Reply #74 on: May 05, 2015, 06:33:10 PM »
thank you my brother! Erm....yeah a bit of a change of pace the whole forest walk scene is (despite the fact that the first half of the first Arc took place in woodland :( Which bugs me so i tried to make the two locations feel different.)

The writings going...erm...well. I'll be honest. I have this arc all written up and has been for a long while. I just need to convert it to script form. However, I still need to finish Chapter 1 of Nephilim for the Anthology, but instead Im procrastinating :( So really, as soon as thats out the door, I can get back to this :D