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Members Workshops / Re: Inktober 2018
« Last post by suupertramp on October 17, 2018, 07:14:34 PM »
I cant get the hang of cool patterns I just randomly think of stuff. I guess I'm working on quality and productivity? forgive the vague answer as I'm sort of searching at the moment for something intangible.....

Day 17 late as usual :P
Develop Your Story / Re: i need tips to improve my story
« Last post by Crackhead Johny on October 17, 2018, 06:32:00 PM »
1. First ask yourself how many manga/anime use exactly this same type thing. Reskinning Jojo's is not a great idea.
2. Your "plot" sounds like a character description with an explanation of the powers, not a plot.

Raizen is the main character and he has a contract with 2 deities the deities of lighting and ice. Thats al i have right now . do you have any tips?
Is it that people can only have 1 contract as a rule? If not, how do deities feel about people taking out competing contracts with other deities? If so, it already sounds like he is a cliche chosen one. Will this lead to a never ending fight against opponents who have ever increasing numbers of contracts with ever increasingly powerful deities?

this is a contract only made when the deity fully trusts the human
Do not use this bad cliche. Yes it gets plagiarized and recycled all the time but it is stupid. Do not use it.
Deities have been around forever, thus they know humans well enough that they will NEVER fully trust ANY human.
This is why ancient writers had the gods give mortals things to watch mortals mess up with them. Humans were the play toys of the gods. So do not give the self serving, greedy, brainless monkeys your trust, give them fire and see what they do with it.

Deity level- Power to rival a Deity.
How stupid would a deity have to be to give that to a human? Yes, it is a played out cliche but it is also stupid. Never give a child or your enemy your gun, if you want to live very long.

they have no effect on the human world and can only communicate with humans through bonds called 'Contracts’.
Contracts do not only let deities communicate with humans but they give the human a part of the deities power
Having lived forever, why do deities want to communicate with humans AKA stupid monkeys? The ancient Greeks  had gods doing it for sex, because humans are pets, to be worshiped, competition between gods, or just to mess with humans for fun. With competition between gods this was because the head god would not allow the other gods to just kill each other.
Members Workshops / Re: Inktober 2018
« Last post by eldritchmaestro on October 17, 2018, 06:08:31 PM »
Your patterns blow mine out of water. Great faces there too. Share skills.

This is my last lazy one for... The next 2 days. I promise...ish? I'm making a rush for my hands now. I need to free that hotplate up.

What are you working on suuper?

Develop Your Story / Re: Help with a plothole
« Last post by Crackhead Johny on October 17, 2018, 06:00:53 PM »
Well without stealing another writer's stuff I'd say put it on the other side of The Insipid Forest of Banality.
The forest is enchanted with a soul magic spell that just makes people who enter it conclude there is nothing of interest in the woods and there are much more interesting woods in all other directions.
No one really walks far in before getting bored and looking for something interesting to do.

Why do you need a 250 meter tall building? It isn't because quest objects/villains are always in tall towers is it?
Manga Art Gallery / Re: YoUr EyEs Gallery work~
« Last post by Coryn on October 17, 2018, 05:06:45 PM »
Cool stuff! Glad to hear things are going well!
MR Pub / Re: Chit Chat 2018
« Last post by OhGodHelpMe on October 17, 2018, 05:04:09 PM »
Never again shall I underestimate the power of the 7b9 chord
Develop Your Story / Re: Death By Ex-Girlfriend (Senkumo War Stories PUBLISHED)
« Last post by OhGodHelpMe on October 17, 2018, 03:40:32 PM »
Alright, today's the last day Book of Blossoming will be free! Get it while you still can. Thanks to everyone checking it out! Nearly 100 downloads in just the past three days  :ohmy:
Manga Art Gallery / Re: YoUr EyEs Gallery work~
« Last post by YoUr EyEs on October 17, 2018, 03:17:21 PM »
Haven't seen me for a while? Well, I am currently working with my friend on a story called "Slayers", I am just doing the arts and helping a little bit with the novel. Will probably post both on Mangaraiders to my parents here. You people are like a family to me.

I am half done with the cover but, since I am still learning on tablet, I keep working on with the old fashion pencil and eraser.

Most are on their chibi version though.
Here goes:
Manga Art Gallery / Re: YoUr EyEs Gallery work~
« Last post by YoUr EyEs on October 17, 2018, 03:12:36 PM »
thanks :)
I think a foundation is definitely a good term for this because you can build off it in different directions depending on your style and the way you want to go, but you still need that basic understanding of how it works.

I agree entirely with that, only practice can lead us to where we wish to be, at the level that we want to each.
Develop Your Story / Re: "La Sanctum" Club (18+) + Thread update (see first page)
« Last post by DeAngelus on October 17, 2018, 08:49:42 AM »
Chapter 18 : Cursed

The scene began in complete darkness accompanied by torrential sound of rain and the ringing of ceremonial bells that slowly reveals itself soon after of a memorial site for people to pay respects for the dead in a drizzling , gloomy afternoon , three years later . A small crowd of people dressed in black gathered around a casket with the name 'Gail' engraved on the cover in the midst of being lowered awaiting proper burial . Among the crowd , young Layla is seen holding young Ron's hand while she looks at him , both clearly had grown closer to adulthood .

Young Ron (Solemn) : *Mindless and lifeless gaze at the casket* ...

Young Layla (Thought) : *Stares at young Ron's face , concerned* ... papa ...

Young Layla kept a curious but pained eyes at young Ron , motionless and dead and blank in expression while the people who were there mourning began leaving the area one by one until there's no one left there , except for the both of them . The remaining natural light that lit up the scene soon starts fading away , consumed by the growing dark clouds which led to much heavier downpour , soaking young Layla and Ron completely . They've remained there ... motionless and unchanged for minutes that felt like hours . Losing the fight against the cold from being soaked for too long , the same can't be said for him as he seemed unfazed , she tried to call out her brother , only to have a disgusted as his wrinkled severely and gradually while still retaining that dead stare at the casket for a moment before slowly looking down towards her . His empty yet haunting stare frightens her , promptly stopping her from calling him out .

Young Layla (Terrified & Hesitant) : *Forced grin and trembling* Papa , you okay ?

Young Ron : ... fine ... everything's going to be all right ...

Young Layla (Thought) : Papa , you're scaring me ...

Young Ron : *Turned head in a slow and lifeless manner away from young Layla and walks away* ... everything's fine ... as long I don't stray from the path ... we'll always be together ...

Young Layla : *Coughs several times* ... papa ...

"Everything's fine" , "As long I don't stray from the path" , "Together ... forever" ... he mutters to himself as he walked away from his little sister , distraught and lifeless as young Layla stood there motionless and displaying signs of being sickly , unable to bring herself to be by his side no more like she used to before the passing of Gail as she can only watch him slowly distancing himself without a trace of awareness or familial care and love to even comfort his little sister , let alone take a look back or even call out for her to come along to his side , something she'd internally wished he do at the very least . And so she waited , waited and waited until he vanishes from her sight under the thick veil of shower , even knowing already that he will never turn back and be by her side like always , she kept on waiting ...

"... papa ...

What happened to papa ... ?

... why did papa leave me alone ?

... please ... don't leave me ..."

She wept and begged in her mind until her body can't take it no more and fainted on the spot ...

Moments later , inside a bedroom of someone's house , a large bed covered in white sheet nestles in the corner next to an opened window with its complementary curtain flutters from a cool breeze billowing into the room . Frisse is seen seated by the bed , currently occupied by young Layla , with an oil lamp placed next to it on top of a wooden side-table .

Young Layla : Unngh ...

Frisse : Ah , take much rest , dear . You're having high fever from fainting under the cold shower .

Young Layla : Aunt Frisse ... . Papa ... where's papa ...

Frisse : Sorry , dear . When I found you , he's nowhere to be seen , not even here , in my late-friend Gail's house .

Young Layla : ... papa , where are you ... please don't leave me ... *started tearing up*

Frisse : There , there now ... he'll be back , trust me . Now , get some more sleep ... (Just where did he disappeared to ? Leaving her like that ...)

A series of scene of young Ron wandering aimlessly around the rural residential and semi-urban commercial districts , distraught and lifeless . At one moment , he began smiling , albeit in a creepy manner as if he is smiling out of insanity .

"Papa did came back to me and kept me safe and happy like always ... but papa didn't remained by my side for long . Everytime papa came back to me papa looks so sweaty , sometimes papa is covered in all sorts of icky stuffs all over ... but everytime ... papa is always so tired . The time we spent together got shorter ... most of the time papa is either out somewhere or fast asleep from being too tired . Papa even never take a bath before going to sleep and the clothing papa papa had on was all weird ... I've never seen such clothing .

But otherwise , papa always returns my happiness like he used to , like always ...

... always ."

Four years later , in a poorly-lit alleyway at the back of a restaurant early afternoon where young Ron , now had grown into his mid teen dressed in an attire of the restaurant staff is seen hauling a big and heavy rubbish bag over and into a large dumpster .

Male staff : *Screaming from inside* Shift change ! Shift change ! All morning shift are to check out within an hour !

A call out has been made , marking the switch in shift , but he continued to work for the entire hour before ending his work shift . After scanning his ID , he sprinted without hesitation out and passing by several buildings , pedestrians , street and city landmarks , utilities and commercial banners , all the way to the front of a large bookstore , Eligor's Fine Books . Through the window and by the counter , an elderly man with greyed-out hair and short beard in black vest ,white shirt and brown trousers is seen seated onto a stool , is seen in the middle of writing something on a small notepad . Behind him seated by a narrow staircase , a teenage girl , from the slender figure and the notable chest , despite her head being concealed by the flooring for the second floor , is seen in preoccupied with a book in hand .

Bookstore owner : Ah , if it isn't Ron . Looking to purchase another book for a read together with your little sister ?

Young Ron : I don't know yet . Can I browse through your collections first ?

Bookstore owner : Go right ahead .

And so he began browsing through aisle after aisle of books stacked and arranged on bookshelves of towering heights , imposing and intimidating especially for a youngster like Ron as if its closing or even raring to topple over onto anyone who gazes onto it for too long . Assorted types and kinds of books can be seen being sold in the bookstore , from old to new , wafer-thin to dictionary-thick , comic books to educational textbooks for all ages and ideals . Somewhere along one of the many secluded aisle , he idles in front of stacks of what seems to be a collections of thick-covered brown , vintage books and began browsing through all of it for minutes . One particular book , old-fashioned , worn-out book with a large golden title in front of it - "The Golden Pass To Utopia" caught his attention , prompting him into picking it up and headed straight towards the cashier counter to make a purchase .

Bookstore owner : Ah , this book ... how intriguing that you picked that up .

Young Ron : It was ?

Bookstore owner : Before it was just a fairytale storybook , it was once believed to be a telling documentary of a mythical phenomenon .

Young Ron : *Smile* I'm sure she'll be happy to read it along with me .

Bookstore owner : Oh , how sweet of you . I hope you keep spending as much time you could spare with your little sister , okay ? That'll be 1000 herskels (Writer's note : Roughly $1.50) . Half price discount for regular customer .

Young Ron : Thank you ! I'll be off now , bye !

Bookstore owner : *Waves him goodbye* Bye ~ .

Teenage girl : Pops , who is he ?

Bookstore owner : A regular customer . How unusual for him to be even working at his age ...

Teenage girl : ... I agree too .

A human perspective full view of a partially decrepit , wooden-plaster , single-storey bungalow nearly devoid of color all worn out by nature , surrounded by overgrowth with garden flowers jotting out of it indicating signs of lack of maintenance . The concrete pavement that leads to the garage are riddled with cracks and chips with overgrown lawn grass bleeding over the sides of the pavement . The interior of the garage is barely visible from thick concentration of dust kicked up by wind entering it as if the garage door hasn't been closed for years . Young Ron is seen running towards the front door with a book he purchased not long ago from the bookstore and a bag of packed meals in hand . Young Layla , grown up like a freshly bloomed daisy , dressed in a white one-piece dress , stood by the front door waiting for someone's return as she dazes towards the sunset sky coughing occasionally .

Young Layla (Elated) : Papa ~~~ ! *cough* Welcome back home .

Young Ron : Are you okay ?

Young Layla : *Nods* Perfectly fine . Don't worry ! *Grins*

Young Ron (Hesitant) : ... are yo-

Young Layla : Perfectly fine ! *Pouts*

Young Ron : Okay , okay . Come , let get to eating before we get to a new storybook I've picked up on my way here .

Young Layla : Ya- *coughs hard* !!!

Young Ron (Worried) : Are you sur-

Young Layla : *Hands up , stopping young Ron from finishing his question* I screamed too hard there ! *grins and blushes* .

Young Ron : *Deep sigh of relief* You got me worried there for a second .

Young Layla : Teh heh !

In a dimly lit bedroom , the ceiling lamplight 'struggles' keep the room constantly well lit . Young Ron and Layla is seen seated on a bed meant for adults , happily reading the book Ron bought not long ago together while having their meal .

Young Layla : Ooo ... so interesting . I wonder if we can get one of it ... *looks at young Ron motionless with his eyes partially opened* ... papa ?

Young Ron (Thought) : ... why can't I shake off the feeling of de ja vu ?

Young Layla : *Shouts close to young Ron's ear* PAPAAA ~~~ !

Young Ron (Startled) : AAA ~~~ !!!

Young Layla : *Pouts in anger* ...

Young Ron : S-s-sorry ? Just feeling very sleepy right now . Aren't you too ?

Young Layla : Uh-huh .

Young Ron : Okay , let me tuck you there ... and there we go .

Young Layla : ... um , papa ?

Young Ron : Yes ?

Young Layla : *Turns away from young Ron* ... nothing . Nighty-night ...

Young Ron : ... *Shrugs off and goes to sleep*

And sound asleep he is the moment he laid his head onto the pillow , while being watched by his little sister with a sad expression . She then hugged him from behind and pressed her forehead onto his back as she began to tear up and sobs but her cries didn't wake him up at the slightest bit ...

"... I can't do it ... I can't say it . Aunt Frisse ..."

The scene where both young Ron and Layla is transitions into a flashback scene of her seated up in a bad condition , coughing and hacking in a disturbing and horrifying manner while being tended to by Frisse .

Frisse : You're not getting any better ever since when I brought you back from the cemetery unconscious . I need to tak-

Young Layla : No- *Coughs and hacks from sudden raise in voice , followed by taking in deep breaths* ... no , please . Papa must not know that I'm gone ... papa must not know I'm not okay !

Frisse : Bu-

Young Layla : NO ! *Coughs* ... papa must not know , papa shouldn't ... or else , or else ... papa'll end up like before , back then . *Shedding tears* ... I don't want that ... that's not papa I love ! *Curls up and buried her head behind her legs under the cover of her arms , crying*

Frisse (Solemn) : *Forlorn expression as she watches young Layla , helpless* ...

"... I can't ... I must be happy for papa ... I must ."

The next day , in front of young Ron and Layla's house late evening ...

Young Ron : (Hmmm ? She's not waiting for me by the doorway ...) *Looked around the compound* Laylay ? ... where is she ?

In an ever increasing state of fear , young Ron yells throughout the house looking for young Layla's whereabouts . Upon entering their bedroom , he discovers her still in her bed . Thinking that she may sound asleep , he tip-toed towards her and jolts her up but she didn't get awaken from it . His act of shaking her up causes her entire body to move and shuffle around like a rag-doll , her body felt cold to the touch of his hands , he began to panic . Distraught as he feared for the worst , he carried her lifeless body out of the house and ran towards the nearest known hospital , still very exhausted from his day job as he struggles to inhale every breath while keeping his frantic , hasty pace without dropping her or falling over .

Inside the emergency ward waiting room of Feuller General Hospital ... few hours later . A doctor is being accompanied by a nurse as they exited the emergency room and immediately gets greeted by a distraught young Ron , still drenched in sweat from tiredness and fear .

Young Ron (Desperate) : Is she okay ?! Tell me she's fine !

Doctor : Yes , she's stable for now . She ... she seems to be very anemic (Which is odd for her age . What's causing it ... ?) .

Young Ron : Th-thank you for the good news ! Can I visit her now ? Please ? I need to be by her side ... forever .

Doctor : Not yet . We're still running a few more tests to make sure she doesn't have any other undiscovered or underlying illnesses . Please be patient until then .

Young Ron : ... I'll wait right here . *sat himself down on one of the chairs by the ward*

Moments later , most of the lights in the room had been turned off as to allow the patients to sleep .

Doctor : *Wakes young Ron up* Mr. Ron ?

Young Ron (Groggy) : Umhh ... doctor . What's the result ?

Doctor : *Sigh* ... Leukemia ... final stage .

Young Ron : Huh ? Leukemia ?

Doctor : It's a form of life-threatening cancer . Give or take , six months to a year to live ...

Young Ron : W-wait ... you're kidding me ... right ? You're telling me ...

Doctor (Solemn) : ... I'm sorry .

Young Ron (Despair) : No ... no way . This must be a lie , a dream ... why me again ... why us ... *drops down onto his knees , trembling in tears* ... I did what you asked me to . Why ... I don't understand .

Doctor (Thought) : *Averts gaze and walks away* ...

Young Ron : No ... *shakes head violently* NO ! She's perfectly fine ! *Ran in front of the doctor and grabbed him by the collar of his coat* Aren't you a doctor ? Cure her of "Leukemia" ! DO IT !!!

Head nurse : Sir ! Stop what you're doing this instant !

Young Ron : *Lets go of the doctor* ... sorry . But please ... I beg of you ...

Doctor : ... though in her current state the chances of curing her illness is very lo-

Young Ron : I'll take it !

Doctor : (Can you afford it in the first place ? I can tell it's impossible ...) ... the treatment's expensiv-

Young Ron : I don't care ! I'll take in more jobs , even if it cost me my life ... whatever it takes to return to the way it was ... the way we were , I'd do it ! Just give her the treatment !

Doctor (Solemn) : ... *Deep sigh* alright . *Pulls out papers for the treatment from his file in his hand* Fill up these form for the approval . We accept deposits of a minimum 10% per treatment cost . If you wish to see her , she is resting in room 444 .

Young Ron : *In tears , relieved* Thank you ! *Fills up the form*

Head nurse : *Whispers* Are you sure it's the right thing to do ?

Doctor : Hospital policy . He has the final say on this matter ... much to my dismay .

Inside room 444 of the Intensive Care Unit inside Feuller General Hospital , young Layla is seen seated upright with her back resting against the hospital headboard , with several IV tubing attached to her hands located by the window .

Young Ron : *Swings the door wide open* Laylay !

Young Layla : RonRon , You're here ! ... why am I here ?

Young Ron : Everything's going to be alright !

Young Layla : RonRon ?

Young Ron :  I'm going to make everything better ! for both of us ... I have to ... I must !

Young Layla : RonRon ... what are yo-

Young Ron : Wait for me ! I'll be right back after getting rid of the "monster" infesting our base ! Wait for me ! *Runs off*

Young Layla : W-wait !

"Like always ... like always ... like ... always ... *tearing up*"

As she clutches one of her hands close to her chest with much agony and pain having to to accept her fate and the outcome she longed to keep it hidden and away from realization , away from his brother's mind ... she can no longer hold back her tears and cried out the entire night .

Inside the receptionist hall of Feuller General Hospital , young Ron is seen ransacking and flipping browsing through numerous newspapers and magazines taken from all of the racks on the floor .

Ron (Thought) : *Skims through the 'Jobs and Application' section of a newspaper , looking for available job* ... just what did I do wrong to deserve all of this ? Why can't I see it ? Why can't I understand still ? Why ... WHY ?!

The scene gradually gets consumed by darkness that prolongs for the remainder for the page , as if nothing had happened after that for a long time , but gradually returns back to the same room where young Layla is , seated upright facing young Ron , seemingly in the middle of a conversation .

Young Layla : It's been a year already . Why can't we return back home ?

Young Ron : The "monster" had adapted and my current attacks no longer works on it . *Smiles* I need more time to prepare the means to attack that . We'll get it back from it and then , we can go back together like always . So , please wait for a while longer .

Young Layla (Gloomy & thought) : ... you're lying , aren't you ?

Young Ron (Nervous) : Uh ... is that a problem for you , LayLay ?

Young Layla : *Shakes head* ... it's nothing . *Grins* If you say so , RonRon . I'll wait !

Young Ron : *Sigh of relief* Okay then ... I'm leaving now . I need to attend a "meeting" with someone ASAP .

Young Layla : U-uhm ... *nods* . Come back soon .

Young Ron : ... *Bittersweet smile* I will ... *leaves room*

Young Layla (Solemn) : *Watches him leaving the room* ... please ...

"... after that time ...

After the "meeting" ... that "meeting" , whatever had happened after that ...

Tomorrow , a couple of days , several days , a week , a few weeks and then a month ...

Those were the time papa were together with me , but everytime papa were with me ...

Papa grew more distant from me ...

Papa grew more and more tired ...

Papa often struggle to keep up with me to read a storybook together ...

Papa hardly ever smile along with me like papa used to , make funny jokes , play along , or even have a long , happy talk , just the two of us ...

... papa ... what happened to papa after that "meeting" ?"

A month later , late night in the same room ...

*Sound of door opening*

Young Layla : *Turns focus towards the door , expecting young Ron to greet her* Welcome back pa- ... pa ... .

And as expected , young Ron greets young Layla ... but not in the way he would before she was hospitalized . With his thin and frail body and facial expression , drained of all the energy and spirit he used to have , he struggles greatly to make his way towards young Layla lying in her bed with much effort , on the verge of collapsing midway , The horrific sight threw pales her into a state of deep panic , prompting her to get out of her bed in an attempt at help him out .

Young Layla (Horrified) : Papa , what happened to you ?!

Young Ron : *Stopped young Layla , smiles unenergetically* ... just ... tired ...

Young Layla (Solemn) : RonRon ... why ...

Reluctant , young Layla remained in bed and watches the struggles of young Ron in despair and grief as he dragged a nearby chair next to her bed with much effort and struggle . He then sat with force , as if he couldn't bear to stand for another second and collapsed by the side of the bed next to her .

Young Ron : Sorry , LayLay ... I forgot ... to bringgh ... strry ... booh ... *fell asleep*

Straight into a deep sleep he goes under as he is being watched over by young Layla with a pained and sombre expression . She places her trembling , frail hands onto his head and caresses his disheveled hair and sweaty forehead in a gentle manner , an act of comfort she could only offer for being helpless in the situation , as tears starts falling down from her eyes . She wept on for the remainder of the night under the company of the moonlight beaming onto them in their bed , illuminating them among the pitch-black darkness of a bleak , bland room ...

Manga page count : 27-29
Online proofreading count : 0
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