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Develop Your Story / Re: Jumbled Idea Journal and Random Scribbles
« Last post by Coryn on December 10, 2018, 03:04:38 PM »Well, you asked me to take a look at the dialogue, and I'm pretty sure I can offee some advice.
1. There is an awful lot of your characters just announcing what they feel/what is happening. This is the first thing on the list of dialogue don'ts. Nobody has ever proclaimed "I've been walking for days and I'M LOST!". The character already knows it, and obviously there's no one around to tell. Maybe if Magnolia had asked the question, he would have said it, but she certainly wasn't in scene yet. Have the character do something to express his being lost. Maybe he offers up a prayer to the gods asking for help. Oraybe he's angry and starts yelling at the map itssld. Just something that is coupled with an action.
2. Asher speaks in a very proper way. If he's supposed to be a country bumpkin, make him sound like a country bumpkin. Give him slang, contractions, poor grammar. It can be excused potentially by Magnolia, if she's from the fancy capital, but there should be an immediate difference between their speech patterns.
I have more thoughts, but duty calls. Those are the top two points though. I'll be back around later to add more.
1. There is an awful lot of your characters just announcing what they feel/what is happening. This is the first thing on the list of dialogue don'ts. Nobody has ever proclaimed "I've been walking for days and I'M LOST!". The character already knows it, and obviously there's no one around to tell. Maybe if Magnolia had asked the question, he would have said it, but she certainly wasn't in scene yet. Have the character do something to express his being lost. Maybe he offers up a prayer to the gods asking for help. Oraybe he's angry and starts yelling at the map itssld. Just something that is coupled with an action.
2. Asher speaks in a very proper way. If he's supposed to be a country bumpkin, make him sound like a country bumpkin. Give him slang, contractions, poor grammar. It can be excused potentially by Magnolia, if she's from the fancy capital, but there should be an immediate difference between their speech patterns.
I have more thoughts, but duty calls. Those are the top two points though. I'll be back around later to add more.
