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Messages - legomaestro

Pages: 1 ... 1642 1643 [1644]
24646
Manga Creations / Re: Pandora [Working Title] Chapter One
« on: December 14, 2009, 01:56:31 AM »
You've done a good job here. :D

The first parts are vague, but I guess they're supposed to be like that since this is still the beginning of the story.

Keep up the good work and post more. :D

About the vagueness i might need some help later, but if you finish the volume first i'm sure you'll understand the problem i'm having. Thanks, and i'll definately post the rest.

24647
Manga Creations / Re: Pandora [Working Title] Chapter One
« on: December 14, 2009, 01:51:28 AM »
Okay, in the beginning it's a bit hard to understand where in the world the story takes place  :)
First I thought it was something like .hack//, though I later found out what it was "all" about  :laughing11:

So, this is the first chapter, but I would really like to know what you've planned further  ;) A sum-up

I knew It! I knew something here sounded like .hack. Anyway, thats no problem. And you'd be surprised to know that i've already finished the first volume [10 chapters, 20000 words] and am posting them as soon as my dad gets his sticky fingers off the script. I'll post em here on the forum but if you ever want the full script you know my e-mail.

24648
Well, i guess i can't add much to what has already been said.

Awesome work with very good potential and a ring of uniquity.

24649
Develop Your Story / Re: Trying for the first time...
« on: December 12, 2009, 09:10:22 AM »
It has a good format, and i read through it easily. The humour is okay, i guess, but so far you havent actually brought up anything. Just try continuing it if you can but if its just a random doodle then i have nothing further to say.

24650
Develop Your Story / Question relating to my idea
« on: December 12, 2009, 09:05:38 AM »
Hello,


Well, my prayers that an inspiration just jumps into my head have been answered, and so i'm hanging onto it and developing it. During brainstorming i've had a snag, and i hope it can be helped.


In a world where society depends on the treasures brought by treasure hunters who travel to alternate universes, how would the architecture develop? Also what would happen to things like culture? Technology?

Its a tricky question i know, but thats exactly the reason why i'm asking. Any help would be really, really, appreciated. Look, i even posted a smiley for the first time in a long time:

 :huh:

[Even though he aint smiling]

24651
Welcome Center / Re: Introducing Mordecai Banda
« on: December 12, 2009, 08:50:49 AM »
Wow, Hardcore-Horror? That's a special one  ;)

Do you have any out-in-cyberspace horror manga you would like to recommend? (I normally only have interest in romance/fantasy books, so that's why I ask manga... Since read also could be non-mangas... Follow me?)
 :D


Well i've only started slipping into the Manga stream, and so i only have non-manga horrors to suggest. Okay hardcore horror might be overboard, but i can't help it, it scares me so damn silly!

24652
Manga Creations / Pandora [Working Title]
« on: December 12, 2009, 08:26:18 AM »
PANDORA VOLUME ONE

My name is Akira logicphreak. I am 16 years old, and I was adopted by a couple without any other siblings, not that they were unable to bear children, far from that. But they just enjoyed the concept of total child control, where at the press of a button I stopped what­ever bad thing I was doing, or was punished in an instant. I know this won't make a whole lot of sense without me explaining the fundamentals.

This is Pandora. Where everything is possible, and everyone can become more than human. People here live on the principle that they can buy whatever they want to have. Apart from material things, they can buy the ability to fly, learn martial arts or any variety of 'Upgrades'.

So far nothing in my own corner of this world has been restricted. I have two respecting foster parents who,' though literally over controlling, allow me to buy whatever want, and I walk around a lot. I love my freedom, and as a fair student and regular skater everything is as it should be. I occasionally box in a gym, and so far I can be at it for many hours without breaking a sweat, but I want to be better. I have never liked upgrades, and have only been forced to use them once or twice when I was really sick when I was young.

Of course, things like fatigue, hunger, sickness and death are readily available in this world, but so far I have not had any close brushes with any of them.

But, on my last days of being a 15 year old, I realized something: It first started with the remote not working on me. This 'remote' is what they used to discipline me with.

My parents had wanted to deduct some of my credits and freeze me in place to ground me. They pointed it at me and clicked and clicked again but nothing happened, and I was surprised and happy to escape.

This glitch happened again and again, and each time my parents seemed to be more and more distant and agitated, and I can't quite understand them as I used to. I'm 16 now, and I know that they are scared of something. I didn't know why the remote glitch should scare them that much.

Then there is this nagging hunger for something more, I can't understand the feeling. But I do know that my days have been dimming. My skating is slower, like I'm pulling through stagnant, rotten ether, and my days have been going darker... darker...



ONE

The woman's lips were bent sideways into the receiver. Though she was technically alone and out of reach of prying ears, she whispered at the lowest possible voice, with the hoarse raspy tone of urgent, furious speech.

"We specifically mentioned we wanted a data-child who would be reprogrammable and under complete and utter control of our remote, so why-isn't-it-working?"

"Madam, are you sure you have gone over the troubleshooting manual, we are sure that you are simply-"

"My husband has gone over the document like FIFTEEN TIMES! Tell him, Charles."

Her husband took the phone from her and stepped into place in front of the table, he employed the same arched posture and twisted lips, whispering,

"Its true."

The man on the other end was beginning to get bored, he looked over at his friend in the booth next to him and shook his head, pointing at his headset and then proceeding to make circles on the side of his skull with his  index finger. His friend concurred and removed his own headset to reveal the loud squawking of a dissatisfied customer.

"Hello?... Hello?" The man's voice whispered in his head.

The technician sighed,

"Yes, Sirs?"

"Did you even hear what my wife was saying? The remote is completely failing to do what you made it for! "

The man sighed, "Sir, I'm sure that if you-"

"Don't tell me to get a replacement. I have already bought my second, and I do not want to go through such paperwork again. And even this one didn't work!"

"Uh huh." The man understood. Ever since a particularly brilliant family had bought remotes under the pretence of replacing earlier versions, and reverse-engineered them to use them on naturally born citizens, The Circle had clamped down hard on all adoption agencies.

"So, what do I do, huh?"

The technician sighed again, "Sir, we have so many complaints about things not working, we just can't go on this without proof. Please send us your-"

The man raised his eyebrow as, on his special Port-Pad, a remote materialized with the blue swirl of data that accompanied teleported objects.

"Hold on, then." The man mumbled, and pressed a button next to the pad. The remote was completely scanned, and the results were displayed on the screen.

The technician looked up at his screen, studying the data-child who had been adopted by Charles logimon and Veronica chicphreak. He looked at the screen, mumbling out the details through his headset just to keep this irritating customer satisfied. So far, the couple had been pestering him for a whole hour.

"Okay, Name: Akira logicphreak... Birth-date: 4984, 61st era... Manufacture date: unavailable, Adoption date..."

He trailed off, and his eyes whipped back to the manufacture date of the data-child. He refreshed the screen, the remote was rescanned, but the stubborn red letters stayed where they were.

"Unavailable" They said.

He prompted the system in any way he could, and the perfectly capable computer returned the result,

"Unavailable."

"Hello? Are you there? What's happening? Hello?"

The technician ignored the voice and scanned the rest of the data . With a quickening pulse, he started noticing more and more anomalies within the details of the data-child.

Programming Authors: unavailable

Data-child version: unavailable

And worse, the Restriction Algorithm as well displayed a red;

"Unavailable."

Even though he never understood the exact coding sequence, he knew the importance of the Restriction Algorithm.

Now this was serious.

If there really is no code to restrict the boy, then he has nothing restricting his physical abilities…

Such a disaster was always prevented as the computer that manufactured them always deleted such corrupt data-children, and the naturally born already had a Restriction Algorithm embedded into them.

What is happening here?


This time he couldn't ignore the nagging voice of the husband in his ear. He tore away the headset and threw it aside. It smacked his work mate's shoulder, who rubbed at it and looked at him inquisitively.

Identification Number: unavailable

And then-

No way.

But there it was:

Status: Un-liberated

That wasn't an error. It just couldn't be. Even if it was, the technician was willing to lose his job and more even if this was simply an error. An adolescent non-restricted 16 year old boy with a body there...

The technician looked up at the drab ceiling,

In the real world?

18 must hear of this.

He brought up a secure communication channel and sent a quick coded message.

24653
Welcome Center / Re: Introducing Mordecai Banda
« on: December 12, 2009, 08:03:02 AM »
Yo! Your resident Art moderator Doodler is here ^^ if you need any tips, just let me know ^^

I'm sure that i'll need more than tips. Good 2 knw.

24654
Welcome Center / Re: Introducing Mordecai Banda
« on: December 12, 2009, 07:58:59 AM »
Welcome to mangaraiders lego. (we'll figure out a name for you yet) already saw some of you post in the writers section so lets hope you put out some good stories.


Well, i hope they're liked. And on the nickname thing i'm pretty flexible. I have had like ten this whole year from my friends. I'm used to it.

24655
Welcome Center / Re: Introducing Mordecai Banda
« on: December 12, 2009, 07:54:32 AM »
Cheers, Maestro  ;D

....
.....              .....                          .......
        .                        . .. .                                  . .   . . .      .   . .

I don't know what to say, but WELCOME

   What genre do you like to read?

                                                                                        ö_ô


Lemme see, i have an unhealthy interest in hard-core horrors even though they rob my sleep, sci-fi's, and fantasies. I read the other genres if i have nothing at all to do.

24656
Welcome Center / Re: Introducing Mordecai Banda
« on: December 11, 2009, 08:05:16 AM »
Well, thats very good to hear Maxite. Its never good to be alone.

24657
General Manga writer discussions / Some advice to writers
« on: December 11, 2009, 07:55:48 AM »
Well, i don't have much to share, but so far its been something i noticed in many manga literature scripts that i have gone through. I haven't arranged anything in terms of importance so if the tips i share come in a random garble forgive me.


1. Whenever writing i've noticed that people are fond of making their characters scream/swear out whatever they say or exclaim, and in the end most of the script looks like a swear fest. E.g:

"What the hell!!!!?" He screamed.

"Nothing! None of your business!!!" She replied.

And what follows is a flood of swear words and common lines that obviously tried to make the script sound more mature and cooler, but i must tell all writers to avoid that. The best story would be one where a writer could only write dialogue without mentioning who speaks without confusing anyone, but of course, this is impossible in my opinion.

2. This is a plague that even i am not completely cured of, and which you should be aware of.

I know many writers feel that they just HAVE to write after watching an awesome action scene on an anime/manga, what usually follows is a plotless, thin story that only concentrates on techniques and blood flying. This is not how a story is built, you don't just start a story with a showy bang unless you have to. When you start a story, its important that you have your characters in mind and a basic idea of how the story will progress.

Yes, action makes a story entertaining but the true soul of manga/anime [at least, in my opinion] is the artistic poetry and ideas shared through characters. Their feelings, the dialogue, and then finally, their actions. You can't just give your protagonist a pair of handguns and make him do slo-mo flips and expect everyone to say 'wow!'

For those addicted to it, it takes some conditioning to avoid putting useless action in a story, a good idea to develop plots is to discuss it with other people [Here, for instance.], go over it carefully on a notepad or even talk to yourself. I've occasionally found myself coming up with good dialogue, and even sometimes i looked forward to ending the action scene because i came up with a few sensible lines or two.

3. Be Dedicated to your writing, and even so, Expect failure. To all writers [And myself] no one will get anywhere if they expect to just sit around for the whole week, get an idea and write a little here or there and suddenly get acknowledged. No. There are times when you actually have to get serious with your writing and refuse yourself that break, that precious sleeping time, and most importantly, endure whenever you get trashed. Its been a long year for me, and i've finally spotted the fruits of my work, and thats after quite a few rejections and ignores.


4. If your constantly depressed, annoyed, stressed whenever you write, find yourself always chewing paper and cussing, then maybe you have to change genre. I found myself struggling to write deep sci-fi, but in truth i don't have the technical details for it. Even if your not experiencing any troubles, its good to decide which genre interests you best. Its possible to write many different stories, but having a special field pays off.


5. If you act like a lone wolf when writing, you usually die. I found myself thinking i'm on top of the world one time, and wasn't even researching or regarding my friends comments about my stories, and i had a horrific month of critiscism. I almost quit writing until i decided to follow advice, however annoying it seemed. It turned out okay. Its hard to admit defeat, i know, but its worth it.


This is all the random advice i have to share for now. Hope it helps.

24658
Welcome Center / Re: Introducing Mordecai Banda
« on: December 11, 2009, 03:36:47 AM »
Thank you, Rob, Hasith, i'll do my best.

24659
Welcome Center / Introducing Mordecai Banda
« on: December 11, 2009, 02:20:19 AM »
Greeting to all ;)

My name is Mordecai Banda, as i write this i'm 16 and i've just started a career in being a Light Novelist. I couldn't resist the pull of Manga and Anime any more, so, since i can't draw [At least YET] i decided to utilise my writing advantage.

I'm interested in meeting all walks of life and sharing ideas, and i'm dead serious about trying to make the most entertaining Manga to ever be created. But, i have to get rid of the noob status first.

I'll appreciate any help that i'll get here, and i know i'm not supposed to judge a book by its cover. But this forum looks awesome!

In other news, i was born and raised in Malawi, Africa.

For other details you can contact me.

I hope the stay here will be fruitful, and greetings to all again.

Moe.

24660
Develop Your Story / Re: story idea wat do you think ???
« on: December 11, 2009, 02:11:39 AM »
It depends. Is the suspect related to the story? Because if not so far you haven't revealed the main plot. But you needn't worry to much about the copying just yet. Get a more whole idea, and i agree with the idea to get a main antagonist outlined. So far its not bad. Looking forward to more details.

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