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Messages - legomaestro

Pages: 1 ... 1593 1594 [1595] 1596
23911
Develop Your Story / Re: Bleach-Departed Souls
« on: December 15, 2009, 04:14:21 AM »
You should notice that hollows in Bleach have an animal format. I've seen a Hog Hollow, A Spider, A Rhino, A Peackok and other animals. Seeing that arrancar/vaizard/hollow are a major part of the show, i guess you can easily make such villains. Their personality also reflects their zanpaktou in one way or the other. Using this formula [animal - personality] you can easily come up with a weapon. This is of course, just my suggestion.

For example: Lion [The one which Chad killed in the beginning episodes sort of looked like one], Would have a pompous carefree personality and wouldn't back down. Obviously would have claws and sharp teeth. He would be slightly skilled and very endurant in battle.

Or maybe if you want an evil shiningami then you can work out powers using personality only. For example a shy, silent, hidden personality would have lets say a darkness type zanpaktou that turns all sorts of sound into attacking energy and blinds the enemy.

To be honest you just have to be creative and get personal with the characters. Your project isn't a one day thing. Good luck.

23912
General Manga writer discussions / Re: Some advice to writers
« on: December 15, 2009, 03:48:25 AM »
Well, maybe you'll give me one or two hints in describing anime/manga girls. As of now i suck at describing female characters, but i'll get there.

23913
General Manga writer discussions / Elements of a Manga
« on: December 15, 2009, 03:45:41 AM »
So over my introduction to manga and anime, i couldn't help but notice some elements that really inspire and assist my writing. I jotted them down, and so here they are. What does everyone think? Does anyone have more elements they noticed?

Most elements relate to battles/fight scenes

- There is lots of dialogue + poetry. Dialogue is used a lot to simplify descriptions.

- Plenty of explainations and descriptions [My power does this, this and that. The History of a land... e.t.c]

- No one fighter within a battle maintains a constant advantage in a fight [How many times have we seen the hero boast 'this will be over quick' and then get beaten half to death?]

- Professional fighters usually underestimate the other [Something relating to the previous point.] I don't know if this is a major element, but still. It happens too much to be ignored.

- Everyone has different tactics. Its an almost duh thing, but maybe you'll get what i mean.

- There is a clear RPG level up system whereby as the story develops the enemies become even tougher and even more out of reach than before. [I thought Ichigo would butcher Byakuya, then i thought he'd murder Uluqiorra, then the arrancars but man oh man was i wrong. It was a struggle]

- Every character has a past. Duh? Not really, i think quite a few stories suffer from characters who have unfounded ideals. There are many flash backs in Manga/Anime, as i am aware everyone knows. Some even stretch throughout entire chapters. The past is important within an Anime/Manga


Yep, and thats where i'm dry on elements of Manga/Anime i noticed.

Oh yeah, one more element: Manga/Anime are fun.

23914
Develop Your Story / Re: Question relating to my idea
« on: December 15, 2009, 03:30:44 AM »
thanks Coryn, and you can call me maestro.

23915
Manga Creations / Re: Clash
« on: December 15, 2009, 03:19:56 AM »
It'd be good if the world was described a bit more, but the dialogue and language is effective and brings across a lot of information with a small amount of words. Its interesting. However there is a few grammar/ typos, but nothing major. Still, you should fix it when you can.

23916
Manga Creations / Pandora FIVE
« on: December 15, 2009, 03:14:53 AM »
FIVE


Oh man oh man oh man Timothy is dead. Timothy is Dead. Timothy is-

But what happened next didn't wait for Akira to calm down and hold his breath. Sud­denly Akira was covering his ears and crouching low as a sudden deafening roar sounded. It was an explosion.

"Come on! We had better get out of here!" A male voice that Akira didn't recognize shouted. And even when he looked, all he could see was dancing shadows. The explo­sion had taken out at least one of the armored cars, and Akira was now aware of the ISEP officer's panicked shouts and scuffling as they tried to make sense of what had happened. Akira was sure that there had been many fatalities, judging by the sound of the explosion.

"Akira!" A hand grabbed him. Akira gasped and looked to make out clearly, the con­cerned eyes of Stacy.

"Lets get out-"

Her last words were drowned out by two more explosions. Suddenly the warehouse was a warmed oven as fire and wild laser shots tore the place apart. Huge chunks of cement and metal framing crumbled to the ground, and the dust clogged Akira's nose. He couldn't see or hear anything. Then there was a mighty yank on his collar, and he was out of the warehouse and in the open.

He breathed in the night air deeply, and he surveyed the situation before anything could take him by surprise. A black man in a bomber jacket and baggy jeans was in front of them,

"Come on, my car's over this way!" He turned before Akira could get a lock on his face as he ran towards the fence of trees that circled the warehouse. Itsuki followed, but Stacy stood where she was. Akira had started following the mysterious newcomer and apparent rescuer when he saw Stacy stand still. He stopped in his tracks and looked at her questioningly,

"What are you doing? Aren't you coming?"

She barely even glanced at him, "No, I'll hold these guys off. Go along with the others. I'll be fine."

"But-"

"Go!"

Akira backed off a few steps, because suddenly her white clothes had glowed crystal bright. He looked at the warehouse that was only a few metres away, and saw one armored car with a group of ISEP troopers carrying large looking guns and sweeping the place with their torches. Any second from then, they would pick out Akira and Stacy in their brilliant revealing beams.

"Too late, they're already here. I'm staying." Akira said firmly.

He couldn't believe his own words, and Stacy looked at him with surprise and then she frowned,

"Suit yourself, if you wanna die so badly. The hero syndrome always strikes all of us in the beginning."

"Hero syndrome, huh?" Akira mumbled, and faced the glare of torches mounted on laser rifles with only a stern face and two fists. Suddenly the thought occurred to him,

This is stupid. What the hell am I supposed to be doing here? Be target practice?

"Surrender this instant or suffer the consequences!" A megaphone magnified voice bawled into the dark night. Akira could distinctly hear more choppers and some gunfire in the distant inky skies.

I hope the others are okay. He thought nervously.

Akira looked at the ISEP officers, and knew with utmost certainty that there was nothing they could do. Him and Stacy just had to surrender. Surely-

"Try your best shot!" Stacy taunted the wall of troopers. Akira glanced at her with wide eyes,

What the heck?

"You think I'm just a regular angel, huh, Akira?" Stacy said so that only Akira could hear. He looked at her inquisitively,

She shouted, "Seal One! Release!"

White energy burst from behind her shoulder blades.

Just like the Daemon from earlier. Akira thought, then he suddenly realized: The energy comes out from where the wings of a conventional angel, or demon, would be. And at the sight of the arcs flowing from Stacy, they truly looked like angel wings.

The arcs of energy seemed to spill out of her shoulders and splash on the surrounding ground like a fountain. Akira could see sparks crackle from where the energy hit the ground, and he could see that Stacy's eyes literally had a storm brewing in them. Two tiny cyclones spun within her pupils.

"Open fire!" Someone in the group of ISEP officers shouted.

Akira suddenly felt his hair tingling, and electricity was in the air.

She's using her offensive abilities, he realized. She is specialized in electric type attacks...

Akira dived out of the way just as the troopers opened fire. Lasers from all sorts of guns discharged and flashed towards Stacy in milliseconds. Akira crashed on the floor face down, and then he quickly turned and rested himself on the heels of his hands, looking in awe at the scene unfolding before him and ignoring the pain in his face.

Stacy had brought a pincer of electricity in front of her, forming a shaky bright ball of thunder that shielded her from the barrage of lasers. Then, almost without any move­ment from any of her limbs, an electric wing formed from behind her shoulder and jumped across to the huddle of troopers shooting at her.

It struck just beside the vehicle, blowing away many troopers in a brilliant flash of white light and fire. The armored vehicle rocked slightly, but otherwise remained intact.

Akira noticed the sun roof swing open to reveal a helmeted trooper manning a really big gun-

"Stacy!" Akira warned. She didn't seem to hear in the roar of laser fire and lightning, and Akira could only watch.

She's super powerful. She can handle whatever that turret has for her...

Suddenly, Akira clamped his hands over his ears and closed his eyes at the loud shriek of the gun.

Supersonic?

He opened his eyes, his ears still ringing.

"Stacy?"

Stacy was on the floor, completely battered by whatever had hit her. She didn't seem to be moving. Akira shouted in desperation,

"Stacy!"

He rose to his feet and ran over to her. He heard someone shout,

"Hold your fire! Hold your fire!"

These words were followed by the loud unmistakable shriek of the turret that had brought Stacy down. Akira did not know how he did it. And it seemed that fury led his hand. He simply stopped in his tracks without facing the attacker, and slapped away the oncoming rush of compressed air and sonic sound.

-simply swatted it like a troublesome fly to the trees in the sidelines of the clearing. They disintegrated into millions of pieces, and then Akira looked at his hand in surprise.

Wow. More weirdness to my advantage...

He looked towards the group of suddenly discouraged troopers, and smiled suddenly,

"Anyone wants to try me again?" he threatened.

There was silence.

Then, from the front row of troopers, their leader emerged again. This time he spoke without the megaphone. He shouted in an aloof manner,

"Akira logicphreak. You're wanted for questioning personally by Cadmin 18. Come in peacefully or your friends all die. My team has just reported in. Your fellow fugitives have been captured in the forest, one was killed in action, and the other one's life remains. Your friend here doesn't seem to be in good health, and you are completely outnumbered!"

Akira tried in vain to block the shock and horror at hearing that Itsuki had probably been killed.

Why would it be Itsuki? His mind asked him reproachfully.

Because so far he has done nothing to prove his worth. Not even as a fellow carefree skater. His a desk man. A cruelly truthful voice told Akira.

Akira clenched his hands into his teeth and grit his teeth.

"I'll be able to deflect all your lasers, and anything else you send to me."

"I don't think so, boy. I think that you do these physics-defying feats whenever you're in panic. And even then as an instinct and only for short periods of time. Your defenses so far have been perfect fitting the situation, but what if your weirdness chooses a wrong act this time? You'll die. What if you try to fight back? You'll die. These are the simple facts, kid, you've been caught. And your fanatic revolution has come to an end. Yeah, I'm sorry that you never had a chance to make much of a social impact, but not every­one's lucky. Especially when The Inter-Sectoral Police is involved."

He winked, "My name is Major Cain, by the way, and I will be your captor."

Akira breathed heavily. He looked at the eyes of the man and finally sighed,

"You're bluffing. About my friends. You failed to catch them, and you're just trying to lull me into a false sense of failure. And you don't know a damn thing about what is happening to my powers. I have them in control, and I can wipe out  your  team without so much as a thought!"

Please believe me. Please believe me. He thought desperately, a trickle of sweat appeared on his brow.

Major Cain looked falsely impressed, "Oh ho! so you call them powers, now? You know, its people like you, you Angels and Daemons, that tip the balance of society  with your mysticism and beyond-normal crap. You fail to face the truth," He paused and brought out his hands gracefully, smiling and shaking his head, "this is all there is, kids."

Akira ignored him, and placed his feet in an optimum threatening position, and faced his attackers with two fists up ready, like a boxer would do.

Major Cain seemed surprised, then he smiled. He raised his one free hand in the air,

"Oh well." He said, and snapped two fingers together-

Akira cringed.

-nothing happened.

Akira relaxed slightly. Two men emerged from the thick body of troopers with a large contraption set on two stands. It was a tangled mass of wires and was cylindrical in shape. The only thing it resembled was a telescope, or a really large gun. The place where the muzzle or lenses would be was a small hole. Major Cain stepped behind this device and aimed the gun at Akira. Akira's heart raced,

Get ready.

"Men, suppressive fire only!"

The troopers complied in one mind.

Akira closed his eyes... And opened them when he realized no lasers were headed for him. The barrage of lasers was simply missing him. Then he noticed that the ones that were actually about to hit him bent away at impossible angles for no apparent reason.

Yes, my power is working!

Akira smiled. But it was too soon.

The effect stopped, and three lasers slashed past his right arm with searing heat and pain. Akira screamed. He bent over and grasped his right arm, and managed to look up at Major Cain. The barrage of fire had stopped, and the major was smiling.

He looked at Akira and then fussed over the strange contraption, as though he was preparing to take Akira's picture.

Not a good time for photos, though. Akira thought, rather lamely.

Major Cain announced,

"Good day, Akira."

The contraption hissed as it fired.

Akira closed his eyes and then, microseconds later, felt something sharp pierce his stomach, just above his kidneys. He moaned in pain and resignation and toppled to the floor. In his slipping mind, he sensed things:

I can feel my hair stand on end. And I can taste ozone. Stacy is on the move again, I guess... But what does it matter? What does it matter.... if...

-then sweet, utter blackness.

23917
Manga Creations / Pandora FOUR
« on: December 15, 2009, 03:12:49 AM »
FOUR


I can't believe it! Cadmin 18 here in person? This must be serious!

The Gold Level ISEP officer thought.

Circle Administrator 18 was crouched at the hole Akira had caused in the marble. As always he had an amazingly intimidating figure. His constantly black outfits with over­flowing cloaks and high collars always reminded the officer, and many others, that he looked just like a vampire.

"There has been a stretch in the space." He announced in low, level tones. He was moving his hand around the air directly over the hole, and the officer saw with some amazement the way the air rippled as his hand brushed through it. Then he clenched his fist, and the rippling stopped. 18 slowly came to his feet and stood up. Without turning to face the officer, he said,

"The boy gained enough mass to stretch the space-time continuum. That means that the absence of the restrictions is slowly beginning to manifest. Pandora cannot have such a threat walking around and killing innocents."

The officer nodded, "Yes, Sir."

Without looking back, he continued, "I want all your team to box him in. I'm afraid he has a couple of fanatics working for him. A good source has informed me that they are about to hold a meeting centred on this faulty child. I want your team to move in and kill all but the boy. Bring him in alive, and be sure to reprogram the algorithm in him."

The officer nodded, "Yes Sir, I'll begin now, I won't fail!"

Cadmin 18 seemed to be thinking about that statement for a few seconds, then he spoke,

"Usually I'm a considerate man, and I don't expect too much from my subjects. But as you have said yourself 'you won't fail' then recognize the fact that you will be deleted if you fail to do as I have asked."

The officer was silent, then he stammered,

"Y-y-yes Sir!"

"Good."

Blue digits flew around The Circle Administrator, and then he was gone from the officer's sight.

***

"I thought you guys had a teleport or something?" asked Akira.

"We do, but we can't just use it to go to the place. Every single teleportation registers within The Outpost stronghold's computers, and that is easily relayed to all authorities. In fact, they can perform a much faster and better interception than us."

Akira nodded. The Outpost stronghold, located in Sector Polaris dealt with such things. Any­thing technological always came from or was related to The Outpost, even though its name didn't suggest any activity.

They were travelling alternatively by foot and public transport. Moving through Zola effortlessly. There were no confrontations with  the police, and to Akira this seemed too lucky. Too simple.

"Hey, crackr, aren't there like thousands of cameras in this city?"

"Millions." Timothy nodded, "so?"

"So ... I'm wondering how in the world we're walking through every single corner without us getting caught. There are probably thousands of cops, and so why hasn't anyone recognized me? I thought I had some sort of huge bounty on me and high black list status or something..."

Timothy smiled at him, then he nodded to Stacy, who had like Itsuki been silent all the way.

"Ask her."

What? Why? Why don't you ask her? Akira wanted to say. He looked at Timothy imploringly, trying to convey these thoughts, but the annoying expectant smile wouldn't budge. Akira sighed,

"Uh... Stacy?"

"Yeah?" She looked at him with raised eyebrows. The melody in her voice and the way her hair rippled took Akira aback.

Probably just an upgrade. Then he remembered he had just called her name. He cleared his throat nervously,

"Well, how come-"

"I'm an Angel specialized in cloaking type magic. Right now you look like someone else entirely, and your life signatures are also fake."

Akira nodded, as if he understood in depth what 'life signatures' were. Stacy kept look­ing at  him, and she seemed to recognize his ignorance because she added helpfully,

"Every single citizen within Pandora has a personal signature that is  visible to many electronic devices. They could easily use their grid of satellites to target us, but I've effectively confused them by giving you a fake one."

Akira gave her a thumbs up to indicate he understood, then continued walking. They'd done this for many blocks now, and Timothy still hadn't gotten on a bus.

"So we're almost there?"

"Yep, just this turn here and then we go through the Zola Cemetery."

"Cemetery?" Akira raised his voice, "That's the secret place we're going to meet?"

Timothy chuckled, and when he didn't give an answer, Akira looked at Itsuki question­ingly. Itsuki explained,

"Its the nick name for the underdeveloped and abandoned sector within Zola. There's a few homeless people, but otherwise everything is left as it is. People don't even salvage anything since it is so out of date."

Even as he said this, Akira could see the apparent truth. It was a strange street he had set his eyes on, with lights on here and there and a convincingly unkempt look. But the strangest thing was that it reminded him especially about Lucas.

My simple home. Where I had... so many memories... ? Akira trailed off in his thoughts because he discovered that his past life seemed to be an utter blur now. He also dis­covered with some amount of shock that he had no treasured memories. He had no sib­lings to talk of. No truly happy days with his foster parents.

All his life he had felt pampered and shut out from some truth that was elusive yet tanta­lizingly close. And now he realized that he really was with this group, who were search­ing for something in their dreams and visions, and he wanted to find out as well what was on the other end of that portal.

The rest of the walk was peaceful, despite the tense feel of the night and the sometimes spooky look of old establishments that ranged from restaurants to banks, completely empty yet lit with electricity.

Before he knew it, they had arrived at the meeting place. One look told Akira that it was a warehouse. A fairly large one. It was surrounded by a thick rectangle of trees, and its large windows were grayed out with some form of pollution or the other. Here Akira could look up and see nothing indicating the metropolis at all. It seemed the abandoned status reached even the skies.

The closer they got to the warehouse, the larger it seemed. Until finally it stopped grow­ing and they reached the main door. It had  a battered large hangar door. Akira stood on one side, preparing to open it, but Timothy raised a hand to stop him and stepped towards the door.

He didn't bother grasping between the two handles. He put both of his hands between the gap where the doors met and prized it open. Slowly, at first, with a painfully loud squealing noise, and then finally with one mighty push. The two doors slid all the way open.

His a Daemon. Akira realized with surprise.

"You-" Akira began, and then he saw the annoying smug smile on Timothy's face and didn't bother giving him the satisfaction. He simply walked through the doors, and was even more surprised at what he found.

He had expected a large group of people, but not carrying rifles and standing around two armored tank like vehicles. Their weaponry was all aimed at the three who had just entered, and Akira suddenly noticed the bodies of young and old people strewn about the warehouse. He noticed the carnage caused by explosions, lasers and other projec­tiles. And most of all, the blood.

"Oh Crap." Timothy managed to exhale.

The group of ISEP officers seemed to be statues, all their guns were frozen in their dead aim at the three. There was an uncomfortable pause, and Akira saw Itsuki take a short step back,

"Uh, uh! No moving, kids." An ISEP officer announced. He stepped out of the huddle of blue combat uniforms, holding a megaphone. Unlike the other officers, who were clearly his subordinates, he had no helmet. He looked old, and fierceness shone in his eyes.

Stacy immediately read the look: Like the desperation of a cornered animal forced to attack.

"Okay, kids. All your friends are dead, and this fanatic meeting of yours or whatever has come to a premature close."

Timothy was visibly shaken by the statement. Akira risked a glance at Itsuki and Stacy: They seemed scared too.

So this is bad. Real bad.

"Now that Akira logicphreak has so kindly joined us, there is no need for any further violence. I'm sure you kids can be disciplined enough to slowly walk forward so that we may bring you in. We all have our guns on you, and we'll shoot you without any hesita­tion."

Akira scanned the situation. The warehouse was lighted by the glare of the armored vehicles, and in this stark brightness he couldn't see any way out. They were simply outnumbered.

Quickly slip out of view of the hanger door, maybe?

But at the sight of all those guns, he doubted if they could do that without getting shot for the trouble. And what stopped the ISEP from having backup waiting outside for them to do just that?

Suddenly, Timothy moved.

Akira thought he was going to rush towards the officers, but instead Timothy performed a perfect back flip over Akira, placing Akira between the distant line of officers and him­self, then Timothy brought his hand around Akira in a choke hold, and he gasped in sur­prise,

"What the heck are you doing?" He choked.

"Saving us." Timothy pulled Akira backwards against himself, looking around carefully.

The ISEP officers seemed taken by surprise, many craned their necks, and red targeting lines flicked across Akira, trying to find a shot.

The man in charge didn't seem perturbed. In fact, he had a small, knowing smile, and Akira instinctively surveyed the situation.

Why was this man smiling?

Akira craned his neck as best as he could within Timothy's grip, trying to look around the lighted warehouse. But then he discovered that due to the harsh lights of the armored car, there were many shadows that completely obscured what seemed like ledges people could climb up on...

A shadow. Moving...

"Timothy! Sto-"

There was a loud electric zap that echoed through the warehouse.

A red laser bored through Timothy crackr's neck. It splashed onto the floor with a loud electric crackle and hiss, and the heated floor slowly cooled down to release black smoke.

Timothy choked. There was no blood coming out as the laser had burnt closed all the wounds it had caused. It had sealed his windpipe.

He grasped for Akira, looking shocked beyond words. Then he tried again to speak. But his voice had been taken...

He toppled to the floor.

… and so had his life.

23918
Manga Creations / Pandora THREE
« on: December 15, 2009, 03:11:27 AM »
THREE

"What is it?"

The man who Akira had labeled as 'The unpleasant guard' asked his colleague. His colleague was looking at the main video screen that had just given the command for Akira's teleportation. The transfer progress meter had stopped at 60 percent. The inter­ruption was immediately explained by a large, red flashing warning,

"Error, security breach. Teleportation interception in progress."

The man swore, "They're going to teleport him to a different place!"

"Well then, stop it, idiot!" The unpleasant guard shouted in horror, looking at the screen and not understanding the readings.

"I can't. I've only heard of such things in theory! I never prepared for how to counteract it!"

"Well then, give the computer an automatic command, or something."

The other guard left his hands dangling uselessly, "This computer is too outdated, and besides,"

He pointed towards the screen.

"the interception is complete." He finished grimly.

"Cadmin 18 will not like that." The unpleasant guard stated.

"What do we do?" The other moaned.

The unpleasant guard simply stared at the teleport longingly.


***


Akira expected to feel the same flat metal floor of the teleport on the other side when he appeared, but he was surprised to feel the roughness of tarmac under his sneakers. He blinked and took in the scene of the Lower Metropolis at night. Down here motor cars were used more, and of course tarmac was practically everywhere.

The Lower Metropolis, however, also housed the ugliest and/or over packed buildings of the entire city. And where Akira stood he was directly outside a derelict building on a practically empty street. A  dead-end street, Akira discovered, when he looked round in a daze. What had happened?

Voices crept over to him, muffled and indistinct.

"...told you to teleport him directly into the building..."

"...complicated. We wouldn't want him appearing in a wall, or something, right?"

Akira spun around, trying to locate the source of the fading in and out voices. And then he realized that they were coming from the dark brick building.

Probably an old hotel... so what should I think about people in such a building who were obviously talking about him? Akira thought.

Then it occurred to him: They may be the escort or guards of 18. Maybe they bungled the job slightly and teleported me out of their building, now I have a chance to get the hell out of here!

But before he even took two steps, three people emerged from the front door of the building. A blonde, long haired girl dressed in a tight fitting one pieced jumpsuit, a tall per­son wearing shades and a huge beige trench coat, and someone who Akira did not expect to see at all.

"Itsuki?"

Akira blinked and took a step forward, "What are you doing here? Where is here? And what the hell is happening?"

Itsuki looked nervous, and just as he opened his mouth to speak, the guy in the trench coat put a hand on his shoulder, and Itsuki kept quiet,

"Lets get into the building, and you'll get a lot of answers plus. Do it quick; we need to get this over with before any authorities arrive. I doubt if we even have five minutes."

The guy turned and entered the front door of the building. The girl and Itsuki were about to follow suit when Akira stomped his foot on the ground. The floor fractured in many places, but Akira was beyond surprise for now,

"No." He said firmly.

The guy turned and looked at him with stern brows. But Akira could now tell for sure that he was no older than 19.

"No?" He asked.

"Yes, no. I mean, that's what I meant: No."

He felt nervous for a while at the intent stares of the man and the girl, then ploughed on ahead, coaxing on annoyance,

"I'm tired of being pulled and tumbled along some current for who knows what. I am ex­tremely impatient for answers, for example why the heck do I have a bounty on my head for 18 and why am I here? I know you guys know something. Tell me now, before something crappy gets me facing something else."

There was more silence in that dead-end street. Then the guy smiled,

"First, introductions: My name," He pointed at himself, "Is Timothy crackr, 17 years old, and here" He pointed at the girl, "Is a friend, Stacy luminous, 18. She's an Angel, in many ways." He added pointedly. Akira agreed without hesitation to one of those ways.

Timothy jabbed a thumb at Itsuki, "I presume you already know him."

"I think." said Akira. Itsuki shuffled uncomfortably.

"Well then, lets get started." Timothy crackr smiled. He sat down on the steps leading to the front of the dead building and folded his arms together. The Angel named Stacy looked on with curiosity. She didn't seem threatening at all. Just very calculating and carefree, if those two descriptions could fit together.

"Yo, Akira, pay attention!" Timothy cut into Akira's thoughts. Akira coughed and man­aged to stop an oncoming blush. He focused his attention on Timothy.

"Good." He nodded, then continued,

"What do you know about our land? Pandora?"

Akira frowned at him, somewhat confused. "Huh?"

"Come on, tell me. About its origin, and what we're doing here... as a species."

"Uh, honestly? I really hate philosophy and so-"

"That's why I said tell me what you know." Timothy smiled with sarcasm.

Akira fumed,

"You said yourself there is no time, just tell me everything now or let me be."

"Two months ago," Timothy suddenly began, "we started losing focus of this world, feeling depressed, bored, incomplete..."

Akira's eyes widened at the mention of such feelings. They were like how his own had been lately.

"You mean there's something to all this depression?"

"Yes, and from what we know so far, it's something much bigger than us. Its something that defies everything we know about Pandora."

Akira swallowed. Cold air blew past, and he felt a shiver coming on, but he stopped it, afraid that he'd miss what was surely the explanation — or at least part of it — he had been waiting for.

"Following these feelings we suddenly started having visions. Strong visions that didn't wait for us to be asleep sometimes. They just came, seized our eyesight and hearing. Sometimes all our senses."

Timothy played with his hands, looking at them while recounting the story,

"From what we've been able to piece together, the visions are all about another world. Another land out of this place. Outside of Pandora."

"Another land?"

"Yes. Another world describes it better, though. The things we see don't show this other land, but they do show one thing: a portal. A golden, violently swirling portal. Its a terrible, and…"

Timothy sighed, looking at Akira with awe in his eyes, as though he was still seeing it,

"… strangely familiar sight, in our visions." Timothy looked at Akira, "It seems like this portal, Pandora's portal, is what the visions are all about."

Akira thought of it, and found himself strangely inclined to believing it.

"So you want me to come with you?"

"Yes." Timothy seemed unsure for a while, then continued, "Your there in all the visions. You're labelled as Rex, The King. We think you're important to whatever this portal is about, and we're sure we'll have to cross through it."

"Why? Maybe you've just had a contagious mind virus or something. How can you be sure they're not hallucinations? Or just, well… Dreams?"

Timothy smiled, "Because our friend died in The Abyss, chasing after the portal. He recorded everything he saw using an eye camera before he got killed, and it confirmed without doubt that The Abyss is hiding this portal. We don't know anything detailed about it though, but one thing is for sure: The Circle is not to be trusted.

"Then there's that." Akira said, "Why does 18 want me?"

"We think to kill you." Stacy announced.

Akira's heart skipped a beat.

"But we have bigger plans, and so we're meeting with people who share the same situa­tion as us. We're planning to act as a group in whatever we do, and you are clearly one of the important ones, because everyone we've met has the same vision labeling you as Rex."

Akira looked at the three for a while, thinking if he believed this, but he discovered he was just wasting time. He wanted to see what this was all about. It gave him purpose, at least, and with what had happened in the last few hours, he felt he was getting the hang of tasting the dangerous side of the world.

He turned to Itsuki, "Are they telling the truth?"

"Yeah." Itsuki said. He didn't seem uncomfortable now, just contemplative.

"Okay then. I'm in."

23919
Manga Creations / Pandora TWO
« on: December 15, 2009, 03:08:33 AM »
TWO


Akira couldn't believe what was happening, he was being pulled in a chokehold hun­dreds of metres above the ground by a Daemon who was apparently collecting a bounty on him. Looking down, he almost let out a whimper before stopping such a pathetic gesture, besides, his breaths were small enough without adding a greater need for air.

The day lit scene of Lucas below looked unreal with its lush vegetation and simple tar­mac roads. Soon these would change to the bombastic scene of the metropolis. If indeed the Daemon was taking him to The Circle Administrators, then they'd obviously be heading for the central sector, Zola. Possibly even to The Abyss, one of the Five Strongholds in the entire Pandora, and the palace of The Circle.

Akira craned his neck to look at the Daemon. He was being held at arms length to one side with the Daemon's right hand, while his left clutched the black sword. His visor had broken a bit to reveal the crazy eyes of a teenager almost the same age as Akira him­self, and he was thrown into more fear that such a young person had cheerfully mur­dered an ISEP officer (if that's what he had been) in plain daylight.

Granted, a plain practically empty street daylight in Lucas, but it still didn't hide the mon­strosity of the act. Akira was shaken, and tried in vain to control his breathing. He looked at the small boxes of building below him.

At least its not a death bounty. I haven't done anything serious.

Whatever he had done.

He looked at the Daemon, and choked out,

"What... do you need me for? What did I do?"

The Daemon glanced at him with excitement in his eyes,

"Oh? So your talking, eh? I thought you would be one of those targets that keep silent throughout the whole time they're with me, it's so depressing. It makes me feel guilty."

Only the thought of how idiotic Itsuki looked with a raised eyebrow stopped him from raising his own, but he went along with this cheerful mad boy.

"So?" He coughed,

"What did I do?"

"Oh, sorry." The Daemon seemed sincere, easing up on his death grip, Akira tried not to show it, but he was extremely thankful for the increased quota of air. The teenager smiled, looking eerily less like a killer,

"Well, Mr. 18 put out an announcement for all level 600 Daemons and Angels, told them that a certain Akira logicphreak was needed for questioning. Quote "he is to be kept completely unharmed at the risk of remote deletion."

Akira found his eyes widening in surprise.

Remote deletion was considered the ultimate death sentence. To those who believed in the soul, it seemed like the final act of destruction guaranteeing no reincarnation or after life. It was a threat fitting of a member of The Circle.

And that was not all.

Of them all, 18 was the most famous and reputably strict of the 36 Circle Administrators, and even considered evil by some.

And level 600? The Daemon really was high-class.

"What... the heck did I do to get the interest of 18? The only crimes I've ever done is skating in no-skate zones, littering, or smashing a couple of windows."

"Don't know, kid, and not really interested in what will happen to you, although I can assure you it won't be good. 18 usually doesn't stoop so low as to hire simple level six-hundreds like us. He goes way, way up there. After all, he's  a god."

He smiled at Akira and added, "Maybe even God himself."

Directly after the statement, Akira stiffened. Not in surprise or as a reaction to the words, just a sudden effect: He couldn't move his limbs at all. The Daemon suddenly shot down a few feet, then flew back up. He looked at Akira questioningly, his face taut with exertion,

"Damn... You're suddenly... So heavy."

He lowered his altitude. The completely immobile Akira felt his stomach drop as The Daemon rapidly lost altitude.

"Damn it." The Daemon cursed softly, Akira could easily see the growing panic in his eyes.

Suddenly Akira could hear the sound of metropolis: shouting adverts, fine-tuned vehi­cles, sirens and machinery. From his position hanging behind the hand of the Daemon he could see that the blue sky of Lucas had changed to the polluted purple of Zola.

Lights flashed past, and the tips of skyscrapers sprung up. His height was decreasing even more, and now the Daemon was clearly panicking,

"Release, First Seal!" He shouted.

So his starts  tapping into more power, huh? But what the heck is happening? And why in the world can't I move?

The power surge from the Daemon's released seal battered Akira, but he couldn't do anything about it. The Daemon glowed red as energy charged him, trailing wisps of bright red light behind his shoulder blades.

The Daemon's grip got more solid, and Akira choked to no notice of The Daemon, who was now struggling to keep up with Akira's falling rate.

"Release Second Seal!" His voice was filled with panic.

The vapor from the first seal had still been glowing on him when the second release burst across his body. There was still no difference despite his temporary power up, in fact, Akira was falling even faster.

"Release, Final Seal!" He bawled.

They were sailing through the air now. The wind whistled through Akira's ears and he didn't want to look, but he could see the buildings gain more breadth and the busy metropolis sail into view. And then he was tilting backwards, completely out of control of the Daemon's desperate choke hold, and was falling vertically with his head facing the ground.

"What the heck is happening?" The Daemon screamed, and then, with a determined face, he pulled back, putting his all into it. He even let his sword fall away to grab Akira's neck with both hands. But like earlier it was as though he was assisting Akira's freefall.

There was a distinct cracking and tearing sound, and Akira found himself free of the Daemon, who was flailing around two useless arms that had had their bones and mus­cles severely pulled. He screamed to the world in pain, completely forgetting about his target, and Akira took some grim satisfaction in this, before he felt even more stiff. As if that was possible.

How long have I been falling? The thought suddenly occurred to him. By now -

Akira smashed into the expensive marble tiles outside of Crown Hotel. His head hit the marble first, and he was aware of the feeling of completely pulverizing the marble with­out so much as a vibration from his own skull.

He dug through the marble for some seconds, crashing through and under the marble layer into damp soil like a drill. He almost punctured a septic pipeline but his limbs sud­denly loosened up completely, and he was in control of them once again.

In the darkness of the soil beneath The Crown Hotel, Akira flexed his limbs carefully. He could at least manage in his wedged position. Carefully, methodically, he  pushed forwards along the wet walls, crawling upwards and towards the mouth of the almost perfect hole he had made with his head. He suddenly felt sick and tired, and he couldn't believe what had just happened, but he kept on going. He had apparently just spontaneously gotten heavy and fallen out of the clutches of a bounty hunter collecting a bounty set on him by 18 of The Circle Administrators.

I am completely out of depth here. He grimaced at the unintended irony of the statement.

Finally, his legs were flailing in air, and he pushed again against the crumbling walls of his self made tunnel, and then he was breathing fresh, cold air, alive and safe to think.

"Freeze! Put your hands in the air, and no funny movements!"

Akira could only turn to look at the announcer in surprise before something distinctly solid smacked him on the back of his head.

***

"Wake up!"

Cold water slapped Akira's face. It pooled around his neck and down to his lap uncom­fortably, and some entered his nose and drained down to his throat. His brain tin­gled in irritation, and Akira snorted and coughed miserably. The back of his head glowed in pain where he had been hit earlier.

"Glad you're awake, kid. You had better be in character, because 18 wants you to be tele­ported immediately to The Abyss."

The Abyss... He really does want to meet me there…

Akira finally looked up from his wet jeans to see through laser bars a bitter looking mid­dle-aged man dressed in plain dark brown uniform and boots. He seemed to be thinking of another intimidating comment to scare Akira with, in vain.

He would've only wasted his breath: Akira, having been almost arrested by a fake ISEP officer, having witnessed the probable murder of his friend, gotten pulled out from  a skate park by chokehold of  a Level 600 Daemon, having falling through many metres of ground only to get out and get knocked out and arrested in the name of meeting 18 of The 36, he was plenty scared.

The man began to walk out of view.

"What did I do?" Akira mumbled.

The guard stopped and looked at him with a mean smile. His wrinkled unkind face made the look abnormal and ugly. He folded his arms and cocked his head backwards.

"Seems to me like you broke some sort of major law. Looking like a deletion, to me. But of course, that's just my opinion. But I'd guess death in one way or the other, as a fact."

He nodded smugly, pleased with his comments. He laughed at the look on Akira's face and walked out of sight. Akira shook his head and stood besides  his small white bed, looking through the laser bars. If he touched them, he would lose a limb, simple as that.

Akira looked around the small cell without much enthusiasm. It was completely and utterly blank, except for one black camera that sat in the top corner of the room. Akira moaned and sat down on the bed.

What the heck is happening? He asked himself for the umpteenth time.

He was brooding, almost starting to think out the whole situation carefully when the unpleasant guard and another man arrived outside the cell. Using two keys they dis­armed the lasers, and cuffed Akira at gunpoint before frog-marching him down the corridor, and past many turns.

Most of the cells were empty, and the ones that were not held either sleeping or absent minded occupants. Wherever he had been brought to was a strict place. Why was he here? What was happening, exactly?

The two-man escort opened a door. It had official markings and a metallic frame that made it look more remarkable than the rest of the simple white facility. The door slid open to reveal a fairly large room. Its floors were covered with one navy-blue carpet. The walls were covered by large video screens.

In the middle of the room was a three-stepped glossy and metallic circular dais.

Akira looked at its design and symbols, and recognized it immediately from Itsuki's con­stant information dumps.

Teleport. So I'm headed... to The Abyss already?

He looked at his escort,  the unpleasant guard looked at him, frowned and shoved him ahead,

"Step in or we'll shoot you. 18 is to be kept waiting under no circumstances."

Fears confirmed.  Is this a heading or an expression of Akira's feeling?

Akira sighed and cursed.

Why am I so helpless to whatever hand fate is dealing me? It looks like I just have to sit and be pushed towards what is surely my death.

He stepped towards the teleport. He wanted something to happen. Something amazing to save him. He wanted people to jump in, and, as shameful as it sounded to him, rescue him. But nothing was coming. All there was were two impatient people who wanted to be done with him as soon as possible.

"Don't keep us waiting, boy, or do you want to be forced?" The guard warned. Akira looked at him, saw the large laser pistol he held in his hand, and carefully stepped onto  the teleport platform

The other, silent, man walked up to one of the screens. He scrolled through numerous displays using one finger, before pressing a graphic button in the centre of the screen. The button was surrounded by various vital signals of what were obviously Akira's. He noticed with detached amusement at how fast his heart rate was.

But there was no time for that, because the blue digits were floating around him, and Akira closed his eyes and took a deep breath…

Finally the blue engulfed him, and he vanished from view.

23920
Manga Creations / Pandora [WT] ONE Pt II
« on: December 15, 2009, 02:54:17 AM »
AUTHOR NOTE: The whole of the first chapter wouldn't fit with the 20000 character limit [missed it by a meagre 1200!] So i had to post two parts of chapter one. However the rest of the chapters fit.


At the empty skate park, people milled by. Here there was a lot of sunlight, but that was one of the benefits of living in Lucas than the other major cities. It was one of the few places with the leisure and civility to have suburbs.

The four wheels of a skateboard cracked into the slope of the half-pipe. They rolled with a smoothly changing bass as they went from lip to lip of the pipe, up and into the air to be twirled by professional legs and hands. The expert in control was Akira,, his red hair, neatly cut, rippled along his scalp. He landed again, and rolled towards another lift-

"There you are, Akira."

Akira looked around, completely forgetting about the jump. He realized this mistake too late, felt his board and legs go up the jump while his upper body stayed in place at an angle to the floor, then gravity took over and he crashed to the floor. Except he didn't hit the floor. He stayed suspended in the air...

"Huh?"

Akira looked down on himself, surprised. But almost as soon his distraction arrived, the strange phenomenon stopped and he fell to the floor with a thunk, sliding slowly to a stop as two casual shoes came into view. Squinting in the sunlight, Akira saw his friend, dressed in a full suit, blazer and all.

"Itsuki!" Akira growled.

Without any gesture of recognition or greeting, he just frowned,

"You weren't in class today."

Akira looked down on himself, remembering the strange thing that had happened,

"Did you see that?"

Itsuki didn't seem to hear him,

"Education is really important to life, Akira."

Akira looked up at him with a frown,

"Your  kids are really going to suffer, you know?"

"Nor were you in class yesterday. Miss Diana was not pleased. What's happening?"

"My eyes hurt every time I look at those two-"

"You'll get sent to the psych ward when they discover the perversion that lurks within your mind."

"Hey," Akira smiled mischievously, "Who said I was talking perverted? I was talking about those new lamps they installed in class, they're so stylish."

Itsuki managed a small, disgusted smile,

"Yeah right."

Akira shrugged, quite uncomfortable in that position. He braced his hands backwards on the half-pipe surface, then performed a handstand. Confidently, he tried to turn around to face his friend with a smile, but he miscalculated and his red sneakers failed to grip the glossy surface, sending him to the floor flat on his face.

"Ouch, that's gotta hurt." Ituski said in a clipped commentator's voice.

Though Akira couldn't see it, he knew Itsuki was smiling.

Akira mumbled and came to his feet carefully, brushing off imaginary dirt from his storm breaker with some amount of dignity. He walked off the frame half-pipe and landed on the cement of the park. Directly in front of him he discovered the skateboard lying on its side. He picked it up and tucked it under his arm, then continued walking. Itsuki fell into a slow stride beside him.

"So, why haven't you been going to class?"

"It's a waste of time."

"Well... uh, your grades aren't that bad. Maybe if you studied a little..."

"Its not what I meant."

"Hmm. Then what did you mean?"

Akira stopped in his tracks at the west end of the skate park, on the sidewalk of the road.

"I just don't know what I want to do..." He mumbled.

Itsuki didn't reply, just arched his brow.

Akira tucked his hands in his jeans, pinning the skateboard tighter under his armpits. He sighed,

"I feel... blank."

Itsuki remained silent for a while.

"Pretty empty street, huh?" Itsuki managed.

Indeed it was, here in the Lucas Sector no one was really interested in over-physical pass times such as skating. They were probably playing games at home or heading to the bigger sectors all in the mindless purpose to gain credits for upgrades.

"Yeah." Akira said sorrowfully.

The whooping of a siren broke the relative silence. Akira's eyes widened, startled by the sudden sound. He turned his head and looked towards the source of the noise. Itsuki arched an eyebrow.

A police car was floating into view. Its red and blue sirens flashed faintly in the light of day. Sunlight bounced off the curved windows as it arrived.

"Hmm. A hover car? Something interesting must be going on..."

What is a hover car doing here? Akira wondered. They only use wheeled cars here in Lucas. Must be from the bigger sectors... Then why?

The police car slowed to a halt, and then descended from its cushion of air to the floor. Two landing pads slid out of its undercarriage. The siren fell silent, and then, after a pause, the door slid open and a boot stepped out of the vehicle, followed by the well built frame of a police officer.

He was dressed in the combat uniform of skin-hugging trousers and shirt, complete with gloves and a shiny, protective vest. He had a helmet that crowned the top half of his face, leaving his mustache covered mouth and nose exposed. Akira noticed the pom­pous golden phoenix and Omega '?' emblem of the Inter-Sectoral Police over his heart. It was framed in silver.

Yep. Really high ranking.

Akira looked on with unease as the man headed straight for them.

"Officer." Itsuki nodded in respect, though Akira could tell immediately that he too was uncomfortable with the presence of such authorities. Itsuki and Akira had had their share of lawbreaking, nothing big.

But still, this was the ISEP they were talking about...

"Akira logicphreak?" The ISEP officer said gruffly.

"Yeah?"

"Come inside the vehicle, I'm bringing you in for questioning."

Akira looked at Itsuki, who still had his eyebrow arched. Then he looked back at the ISEP officer,

"Is there a problem, Sir?"

The man's lips pressed together, then he casually flicked out a pistol from his side hol­ster. He aimed the pistol at Akira.

Akira's eyes widened, and he waved his hands in a placating gesture.

"Wow, wow, wow, officer, calm down!"

"I have been authorized to use force if necessary."

"You still haven't answered the question, what wrong have I have done?"

"Come inside the vehicle, you'll know when you get there."

Akira looked at Itsuki, who didn't seem to have any helpful things to say and shrugged: getting shot over this wasn't worth the trouble. Whatever it was, they had the wrong guy.

He raised two of his palms in submission, then walked ahead towards the car. The police officer followed, and Akira could swear he was still pointing the gun at him.

"Wait."

Akira and the cop turned around, Itsuki took a step forward.

"Can I escort him?" He asked, studying the officer's visor.

He doesn't trust him. Akira suddenly knew.

The officer seemed confused for a few seconds, then he nodded and waved the pistol,

"You too, then."

You too, then? Akira wondered, he could tell by Itsuki's frown that he thought the same thing.

Itsuki nodded and came along, Akira looked at him for a while, then followed him to the car. The officer stepped in front of them and pressed a button on the door. It slid open at his touch, revealing a compact interior that could only carry three people max, with two passengers at the back and the police officer in  front.

A reinforced mesh protected the driver from any mischievous behaviour. Akira slid in first, followed by Itsuki.

Looking out the window, Akira could see a small group of six or so onlookers gathering. He shook his head, feeling ashamed, and looked at Itsuki,

"What do you think this is all about?"

Itsuki didn't seem to hear; he was watching the officer as he clambered into the hover car. The officer leaned forward to press the button that would seal the door, and then sud­denly Itsuki shouted,

"Now! Get out!" And he jumped out. Akira was caught by surprise, and found himself still sitting in the back seat.

"Itsuki? What the heck?"

The police officer cursed and took out his pistol, Akira reacted before he could rational­ize his actions. He punched away the extended hand, and the gun went off with a loud bang and thud as the bullet embedded itself into the frame of the door.

A high ranking ISEP officer with a simple projectile pistol?

Akira kicked at the pistol again with his sneaker and was satisfied to see it fall out of the man's grasp, and then he leapt out of the car.

Akira spun on his heels, grasped the edges of the door and forced it shut. Akira heard the muffled curse of the police officer as he spun again on his heels and scanned the area for Itsuki. He was right in front of him, waving his hand urgently.

"Come on, lets go!" He started off in a run along the sidewalk.

"Itsuki!"

He followed suit, wondering what in the world was happening. He soon caught up with Itsuki and patted at his shoulders to slow him down,

"Wait, man, what do you think you're doing?"

Itsuki skid to a halt, breathing deeply and looking at Akira, he opened his mouth to explain when the sharp report of a gun cut through his speech. The cement besides his polished black shoes blew up in a small puff of white dust.

Akira jumped backwards,

"What the heck?"

Looking upwards from the scarred cement, he spotted the ISEP officer aiming his gun with a double-handed grip at the two kids. His mouth was pressed tight in a grimace as he took slow steps forward. Itsuki whispered urgently at Akira,

"I don't trust this guy, Akira, something is off about him."

"You think?" Akira replied sarcastically.

Akira kept his eyes on the advancing figure.

"This is my last warning, get in the car, now."

"Can't you just cuff us?" Akira muttered, the police officer seemed to think about it, then reached into his left pocket with one hand still steadily aiming the pistol, producing a pair of cuffs.

"Great." Itsuki whispered to Akira bitterly. Akira glared at him.

"Now," The ISEP officer said as he brought the cuffs closer, "put these-"

But he was cut off by a ferociously loud roar.

In an instant the whole place seemed to glow yellow and red as sudden heat washed over Akira and Itsuki.

Akira clenched his eyes tight and crouched while covering his ears in the roar.

Itsuki cried out and toppled over. Akira heard the police man swear loudly.

Then, as soon as the heat had come, it stopped. Akira gingerly opened his eyes to see the police officer, his gun still aimed at Akira, looking up at a point in the air. Akira fol­lowed his gaze...

"No way... a Daemon?" Itsuki coughed.

A figure floated in the air, covered in a red flowing mantle embedded with golden intri­cate design. Its face was hidden behind a red helmet with a large vertical visor across it. The person had long black boots that disappeared over the rippling folds of the mantle. In its  right hand it held a long black sword, which the Daemon twirled around dreamily. A large, smoking scorch mark scarred the floor directly under him.

What in the world is happening today
? Akira wondered.

Daemons were a class of humans who had naturally upgraded abilities of magic. The males were named Daemons, while females were Angels.

Their sort generally stuck to the sectors where fantasy and magic actually counted. Here in Lucas it was, like in most major sectors, all about science. And these types of cities preferred staying away from such company, as they enjoyed danger and adventure. Whenever they did appear in the 'normal' sectors, they guaranteed trouble in one way or the other.

The police officer overcame his shock, and pointed his gun at the Daemon with the same double handed grip he had used on Akira and Itsuki,

"You are interfering in the business of the Inter-Sectoral Police, state your business or I'll open fire."

Akira thought the officer was a mad man for pointing his gun at a clearly high-level Daemon­.

The Daemon faced the officer. Akira could tell that he was smiling,

"Excuse me, officer, if that's what you are, but this kid has a nice bounty [check the term] running over his head which, quite frankly, I need for my upgrades."

He presented his black sword, and it flashed red with heat, then pulsed blue with cold,

"I'm planning on gaining the power for lightning element type strikes, so I would appreci­ate it if you backed out of my way, or you could become barbecue."

The ISEP officer (If that's what he was, Akira thought.) brought his hands forward, pro­nouncing his aim,

"You don't know who you're messing with. I have orders that come direct from 18 of The Circle Administrators."

"Hey. The Circle sent me too." The Daemon snorted dismissively.

"In one way or the other," He said carefully,

"That boy is coming with me." He added with a mischievous tone. Akira could almost tell what was going to happen.

The officer let off three shots. One of the shots cracked the black visor of the Daemon, and another hit his shoulder, spinning him around. The Daemon recovered from the spin and descended slightly. He pointed his sword at the officer, who was still reloading his empty pistol frantically when a river of fierce flame blasted through the area the officer had been standing.

Akira was frozen in place, fascinated with what he was witnessing. Itsuki brought him out of the daze with a hard smack to his shoulder,

"Come on, lets get out of here!" He shouted desperately.

Akira nodded, then ran past him. A few beats later, the heat and the yellow and red ambient light suddenly stopped, and Akira turned to see the Daemon floating steadily towards them like a ghost.

Akira slowed in his run, spinning around and breathing heavily as the Daemon landed in front of him,

"Hello, logicphreak, care for a ride?"

"Wha-?" But Akira finally understood.

The bounty is on me. That officer was collecting a bounty on me, too. Who in the world would put  a bounty on me?

The Daemon grabbed his collar with one strong hand.

"Hey, what do you think your doing?" Itsuki shouted, reaching for the Daemon.

Without looking at him, the Daemon swiped him away with the flat side of his sword. There was a brief flash of red and heat, and then Itsuki was flung across the road onto the other sidewalk, unconscious.

"You ba-!" Akira began.

The Daemon brought his deadly black sword up to his throat,

"Uh, uh, quiet. I don't want to deal with other bounty hunters. Not every one is an idiot like that fake cop, collecting a bounty with an antique pistol." He chuckled.

"Let. Me-"

The Daemon grabbed his collar tighter, choking off Akira's words. He then took off into the sky.

23921
General Manga writer discussions / Re: Some advice to writers
« on: December 15, 2009, 01:39:38 AM »
@xjan

Nah, droning is what is needed if we want to know what others are thinking. Thanks for the compliments, and you seem to basically share the same problems that i do, plus a few. [Who doesn't suffer from new ideas surfacing at the most inopportune moments?] Maybe i'll check out your works. Oh and though action shouldn't be overused or empty, i have to admit its what drew me to the genre in the first place. Incantations and flashy scenes are so awesome in manga/anime.

So you like to impress girls huh? Good luck with that. I gave up long loooong ago.

23922
Develop Your Story / Re: Question relating to my idea
« on: December 14, 2009, 02:25:43 AM »
I must say, you've all stated the exact words i needed. Thanks a lot Maxite, Sken, Kite, now i have some idea to work with. I hope you guys don't mind being in the credits page when i'm done with this, huh?

But seriously. THANKS A MILLION!

Oh, and just as a note the portals open up on themselves at random and to random universes and the treasure hunters have some amount of ability to prolong their existence, but if they stay too long on any other side it closes and that's game over.

23923
Manga Creations / Re: Pandora [Working Title] Chapter One
« on: December 14, 2009, 02:04:33 AM »
It sounds very Matrix-y. You have opened a lot of questions, and it will be interesting to see how they are answered in future chapters.

As far as the title goes, it's a good one, but a quick search on Google indicates that it's also a popular title for books and stories. You should also be aware of the mythology that is associated with the name Pandora. Right now, it looks fairly proper (you are arguably opening a huge Pandora's box with these Data children). If you decide to stick with the title Pandora, you will want to cement the title to your story.


Hmmm Matrix, now that i think of it, it is kinda similar, but no, the action in this leans more on the fantasy side than matrix action, even though as a whole its a sci-fi [although i might be tempted to add a few slo mo moves.]

I found out about the Pandora thing a bit early into the script, and so i'm using it purely as a Working Title until i'm done with it. I thought to go with Lapis Dei, but i don't know... Maybe i'll discuss the title later with you some time.

23924
Manga Creations / Re: Pandora [Working Title] Chapter One
« on: December 14, 2009, 01:56:31 AM »
You've done a good job here. :D

The first parts are vague, but I guess they're supposed to be like that since this is still the beginning of the story.

Keep up the good work and post more. :D

About the vagueness i might need some help later, but if you finish the volume first i'm sure you'll understand the problem i'm having. Thanks, and i'll definately post the rest.

23925
Manga Creations / Re: Pandora [Working Title] Chapter One
« on: December 14, 2009, 01:51:28 AM »
Okay, in the beginning it's a bit hard to understand where in the world the story takes place  :)
First I thought it was something like .hack//, though I later found out what it was "all" about  :laughing11:

So, this is the first chapter, but I would really like to know what you've planned further  ;) A sum-up

I knew It! I knew something here sounded like .hack. Anyway, thats no problem. And you'd be surprised to know that i've already finished the first volume [10 chapters, 20000 words] and am posting them as soon as my dad gets his sticky fingers off the script. I'll post em here on the forum but if you ever want the full script you know my e-mail.

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