January 20, 2018, 05:35:13 PM

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Messages - Operative13

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Yes, reviews are always open.  8)

Today's the last day to post your stories before the workshop's First Community Vote is to be held! If you haven't done so already, you have until 11:59 PM PST Today to get it in before the vote.

Please note that if you are one of the participants that have received a PM notifying you of your status, if you have not PM'd me about your status by the time above, you will be considered inactive and will be dropped from the workshop accordingly. This is the one and only time we will be checking this, so do not delay!

Good luck fellow writers  8)

Develop Your Story / [Marathon Workshop] Zsssssst!
« on: January 19, 2018, 07:52:50 AM »
Chapter 1
The tavern bustled with life. All sorts of people gathered here in this rustic place to chat about the daily lives and events that go around this town. Yet that tavern atmosphere was almost instantly disrupted when the door swung open with enough force to send the barkeep flying across the room. Everyone stopped and turned to see… who was this person who so callously marched in unannounced?

Standing in the doorway was a young alchemist, a girl from the royal academy. Her dress was burnt and there was an expression of absolute horror on her face, her lips slowly parted as she said “Holy *censored* guys, I might have just ended the world”.

“...There she goes again,” mumbled one of the patrons. He took his beer and went straight back to drinking just as quickly as he turned away.

The young alchemist quickly runs to the patron walking away, “No! No! I’m serious! Look, my arm! I did the thing! You know the thing you aren’t supposed to do!” There was a dark mark on her arm, a rune of some sort, it glowed ominously but for some reason also smelt vaguely like cherries.

The patron gazed with uninterested eyes, just cresting over the rim of his mug. He slammed the mug down after a hard gulp and stared the girl down straight in the eyes. “Shove off, you annoying git.”

Suddenly a low robotic voice echoed from outside the tavern. “Bryn, you done in there? Why did we go to a tavern?” The patrons gazed out the tavern windows, a humongous war golem was parked awkwardly near the water trough for horses. It really seemed like this thing was about to tip over.

“Don’t tell me you brought him over,” the patron groaned at Bryn. “How many times do I have to tell you?”

“Look, I didn’t bring him anywhere he just kind of follows me!” Yelled Bryn as she hides the odd cherry smelling mark on her arm. She turns to the other patrons and at the top of her lungs yells…


The patron stood up, whisking his coat off the chair and flipped a coin over the bar, where the barkeeper lied unconscious.

“Thanks for the drink,” he nonchalantly said as he strolled out the door.

Just as the patron was passing by the nearly tipped over but not quite yet war golem, a sudden flash of lightning and a dark inhuman voice enters every human’s mind in the vicinity. “FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLS, you have gazed upon ME and thus I have seen you! I cometh.”

“Shut up, you piece of useless demonic trash!” the patron angrily barked. “I’ve had enough for one day of you two idiots’ ridiculous antics! Now we’re going back to the lab this instant! I’m going to have a word with you two later.”

Bryn slowly turns to the war golem and says “So, we’re pretty *censored*ed aren’t we Moda? The professor thinks this is a joke. But I just literally ended the world. Well it’s going to be an exciting day at least.”

The war golem attempts to stand. But it actually can’t.

“You bet your ass you two are,” the patron grumbled. “Now where the hell did I leave the car?”

As Bryn turns to follow the patron, a small noise is heard from behind her. “Hey”. Bryn continues to walk with the patron. “Hey”. Bryn stops for a moment and ties her shoes noticing her boots had come undone. “HEY!!! I’m STUCK Bryn, you can’t leave me here!”

Bryn turns to see Moda, still on the verge of tipping. She shrugs and follows the patron.

“Tell me, have you done anything with the car? I could’ve sworn I parked it here somewhere…” the patron asked.
“Well you never asked me how I got here…” Said Bryn sheepishly as she plucks a wrench from her bottomless bag of useless potions.

“Don’t tell me…” a slight discomfort in the patron’s voice.

“I’m SITTING ON THE CAR!” Yelled Moda from way back in front of the tavern. Upon closer inspection, indeed he was parked on top of the car. Hence the tipping.

“You messed with the Dimensional Configuration Module!?” the patron screamed.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to TELL YOU! We may or may not have taken a peek at the Omega Infinitum, and it was great and everything but… well you know” Bryn grabs the wrench and begins winding up for a swing before batting Moda’s head off his body, causing the entire war golem to tip off the car.

“That’s why I kept trying to tell you the world is ending!” exclaimed Bryn as she runs after Moda’s head.

The patron ran his hand down the length of his face. “...how many times must I tell you not to touch that! One wrong move and you could easily trap us in the Omega Infinitum! You’re lucky you haven’t busted the Multi-Dimensional Correctional System, or we’d be in big trouble,” He shoveled through his coat pockets and took out a pair of car keys. Upon pressing a button, the car’s invisibility cloak disintegrated, revealing the rest of the war golem’s body stuck inside.

“Oh so that’s where it went!” Yelled Moda as Bryn screwed his head back on to the rest of his body. While repairing Moda, Bryn turns to the patron and says “Wait, so the MDCS isn’t broken? No *censored*ing way, are you telling me I’M the only one that’s going to die here!? I mean you saw the mark right!”

“Oh, quit your whining you dumb brat. That mark isn’t gonna do anything, at least not when we leave this world.”

The young girl pulls her giant hat down to hide her face, which at this point was red enough to be mistaken for a tomato. “W-well, haha. Woah you’re right, maybe it’s time to be jumping back to Origin city, I’ve had enough of this dump anyway! I’ve got a flight exam tomorrow too!”

“You won’t be taking your flight exam once I have a word with your professor,” the patron sternly said as he buckled himself in the driver’s seat. “The last thing I need is for you to become more of an issue.”

“Well I would say I’m sorry but I’m really not, mom left us clues in the pocket dimensions, and whether it’s in the Omega or not I’m gonna find them ain’t that right Moda?”

“Mmfmfgfddkhzzzzrrrtt” There were sparks coming out of the war golem’s chassis.

Bryn quickly smacks Moda’s head once more with her wrench before jumping in the passenger seat and fastening her buckle.

In the same monotonous robotic voice he’s used all his life, Moda turns his head and says “*censored* you Bryn”.

The patron rolled his eyes and turned the car engine on. The car spurred, then whizzed to life as the gadgets and various electronics cluttering the front board filled with data. He entered a series of coordinates into the computer just as the world began to collapse into darkness and within moments, a stream of light surrounded the vehicle. And just before the world had totally collapsed into nothing, the car vanished.

Staring out the window into the void as the car traversed through dimensions, Bryn’s mind was filled emotions. She thought of her family, of her friends, of this new situation she found herself in and wondered if she would ever find her home again. She lifted her arm and motioned towards the endless infinite, reaching out and trying to grasp something. She knew mom would never be coming back, but wasn’t sure if she was ready to let go of hope yet. In that instance however…

“Bryn you look like some jackass tripping on something really good” The war golem just had to go and ruin the moment.

“We’re almost home.” the patron said. And just as before, the light that had once surrounded them began to dissipate, revealing a familiar area everyone was accustomed to: the Lab. The car lied center of a large beam that immediately shut off following the light’s departure. The patron unhinged the keys from its lock, opened the car door, and casually walked towards the stairs ahead.

Under her breath Bryn quietly swore “Not my home, not my dad. Never will be.” She turns to open the car door before remembering that a certain rude ass golem was in the back seat. She shrugged and followed the patron up the stairs.

“You know, you’re a real bitch Bryn!” Bryn stopped for a moment, she could hear the angry, or what she thought was the angry voice of a war golem trapped in the back seat of a cramped car. She paused for a moment, wondering if she should go back and open the door. Then promptly forgot all about it and left the room.

As Byrn made her way upstairs, into the quiet wooden hallways covered in dust and cobwebs, she could see a dim light emanating behind an ajared door. His room. Curious, she crept slowly towards the light and peered through the door’s crack to see the man lounging on his sofa chair, casually exhaling a smoke next to the fireplace.

“Do you honestly believe the girl is worth your effort?” a distinctly female but mechanical voice spoke. “All this energy you have and you choose to expend it for what? Comfort?”

“It’s anything but comfort,” the man replied.

“Gareth. You can’t spend eternity tormenting yourself with this. Sooner or later you’ll have to come to terms. This girl should not be the solution.”

“I decide what I want to do,” Gareth replied. “Now I don’t know if it’s… out of instinct or if I’m not in my right mind… I don’t know. And I don’t care. But I’ll do what I have to.”

“The Foundation is looking for your reply, Gareth. You will need to respond to it soon.”

“Computer off,” Gareth said. A small click, and Gareth is back to inhaling his pipe.

Bryn’s eyes narrowed as she tried to be stealthy, leaning up against the wall. She thought to herself man, I am such a *censored*ing ninja right now. “Hehehe, what delicious sultry piece of tabloid gossip do we have here” she muttered under her breath, only barely able to catch the tail end of the conversation in Gareth’s room.

The door suddenly flew open from Gareth’s room. “Back to your room, kiddo.”

“Drat” Bryn puts her hat back on her head and sulks back to her room.

She immediately plops down on her bed and wonders why the hell she sleeps on this thing because it is awful. Turning to her side, she thought about the conversation she heard from Gareth’s room.

“The foundation huh. Always knew mom was a badass interdimensional pirate, but if those guys are involved maybe I am in over my head.” She turns to her other side while the distant sounds of a trapped golem in a car gently echo underneath her. “Still, thanks Gare-bear, always knew you had a soft spot for me.” She smiled once more before sleep finally hits her like a train that doesn’t understand the concept of slowing down.

Develop Your Story / Re: Chelderan Chronicles: Worldbuilding
« on: January 19, 2018, 02:23:41 AM »
Captain Lisa Aubrook, the Raven's Eye (State of Hadia)

Born to a Hadian Major and a Daoese mother, Lisa Aubrook had a strict upbringing very early in her life. Lisa’s mother, headmistress at a private Hadian International School, and father, who was recently promoted to Lieutenant-Colonel following the outbreak of the Hadian Civil War, compelled her to excel in everything she strived in. With her parents’ strict teachings and austere lifestyle, Lisa rarely met, let alone engaged with people her own age. She engrossed herself in academic texts and documents, almost to a religious level, and while others her age would spend time outdoors fiddling with sticks and balls, she would be absorbed in study. She learned mannerisms and formalities, etiquette and speech, nearly everything in those days to impress the grown adults that surrounded her everyday life. And yet she was fascinated with one group of adults in particular: the men that accompanied her father whenever he returned from duty. They were different from the tutors, the maids, the professors and businessmen that visited their estate. These men were brash and unsavory. They spoke with vernacular tongue, disregarded formal manners and roared in exuberant laughter that echoed across the halls. Yet the tales they spoke with great enthusiasm is what attracted young Lisa the most. If it were not for those tales, she would have dismissed her father’s colleagues as nothing more than well-dressed brutes.

It did not take long after for Lisa’s usual routine to sour. She began to slacken. She would lose focus with her endless lessons. She would stare seemingly at nothing and daydream while an opened book lie motionless atop her thighs. Lisa’s father took notice, and decided Lisa would need a change of pace to fix her restless nature. Although Lisa’s mother fought over the issue, she reluctantly agreed to let Lisa’s father enroll her into the Piette State Military Academy. And so at the ripe age of fourteen, Lisa became one of the many cadets to study at the prestigious military institution.

At age sixteen, Lisa joined the Special Informations Agent Program, a recruitment program headed by the State Intelligence Committee to find suitable candidates for espionage and covert operations under their command. With her exemplary skills in logic deduction and libraric knowledge, Lisa was assigned as a cryptographer and partnered with the young upstart Baron Mosse, whom she painfully detested. Baron would later successfully infiltrate a new Unionist cell, to which he would send encrypted messages back to Lisa via carrier pigeon on a weekly basis. For over a year, Lisa served in this capacity whilst continuing her studies within the Academy until she and Baron were withdrawn from the program following the end of their tenure. Lisa was ultimately rejected from joining SIC, but was referred to the Hunter’s Unit where she would put her deduction and observation skills to great use.

Upon her graduation from the Academy, Lisa would quickly rise through the ranks of the Hadian Hunters, achieving the rank of Captain in nearly a year of service, all thanks to her high success rate in finding and neutralizing enemy strongholds. Overtime, she earned the unofficial title of “Raven’s Eye” by her peers from her ability to track down elusive individuals that otherwise would have escaped her colleagues’ gaze. That title however would come under challenge upon encountering a formidable rival among the ranks of the Legion of Terra: Staff Sergeant Eliza Finley.

Develop Your Story / Re: Chelderan Chronicles: Worldbuilding
« on: January 18, 2018, 05:54:10 AM »
Order of the Tirailleurs (Legion of Terra)

One of the newest additions to the Legion of Terra, the Tirailleurs came to prominence during its one -and only- engagement in the Legion’s history: the Hadian Civil War. As the Legion became increasingly dominant in engagements with the Hadian Military over their Unionist allies during its first months of action, the Legion soon realized that mobile forms of warfare was simply not effective against a heavily entrenched enemy. Major losses on the front meant enemy spearheads deep within the Legion’s lines, pushing their army back tens, if not hundreds of kilometers behind their initial point. A new safeguard would need to be devised if the Legion hoped to secure the lands they’ve seized, or see it snatched away with every defeat.

While the Fusiliers had generally filled the role of safeguarding vital positions and providing the bulk of logistics for the Legion up to this point, that was not the main focus of the Order. The Fusiliers were meant to provide the backbone of the Legion’s strength, serving as frontline troops in major confrontations, not to sit back and idle in the rear. If the Legion hoped to stand a chance against a powerful and well-equipped enemy as the Hadians, they would have to adapt once more.

A proposition was put forth that harkened back to the attritious, blood-riddled Chelderan War that tore apart the continent nearly forty years ago. Layers of entrenchment along their frontlines supported by deeper pockets of fortifications that would act to funnel enemy movements into easily-defended chokepoints and deter future spearheads. Initially, this proposition was met with resistance as the costs of fortifications, retraining, and restructuring would outweigh the current needs of the Legion. However, after repeated failures to stem Hadian incursions into Unionist territories despite strategic and tactical overhauls, the Legion began to relook the issue. It was observed that although Legionary units regularly outperformed Hadian units on a squad level, the regiment level was where unit composition began to falter. Legionary units were expected to provide and support themselves internally, without any real regard to other units outside of their Order. They paid little respect to the logistical and tactical needs of others, preferring to focus on their own tasks and objectives. Much of this was due to the Legion’s current design. Legionary Orders were expected to train and practice their respective tactics and focus and leave the grand planning to High Command. It was the Commander’s job to ensure he utilized each unit to their fullest extend as they were intended, thus establishing a rigid chain of responsibility. Unfortunately when it came to more minor tasks such as demolitions, entrenchment, and survey that were outside a certain unit’s focus, they were either poorly equipped or poorly trained to serve such role. Although the Grenadiers had their own integrated Engineers Unit, these engineers served more to demolish and destroy heavy targets such as tanks and bunkers than they were building them. Such structural designs rendered many units incapable of supporting themselves if cut off from the main army.

The Hadians, on the other hand, preferred to balance their squad compositions. The trend at the time for many nations were to move away from specialized regimental blocks of units and instead integrate them into the squad level. This was certainly the case with Hadia when they disbanded the Shock Troopers as a singular unit and instead incorporated them as part of the standard squad composition to provide a greater level of assault flexibility. The Legion however, had not implemented such unit structure into their organization at all. A structure that had become increasingly outdated by the time they entered the Hadian Civil War. A new change had to be made, one that would drastically change the Legion’s traditions.

Enter the Tirailleurs, a specialized order trained with the specific purpose of securing vital position and providing essential support roles to the main force. Engineering, logistics, artillery, triage... the Tirailleurs are the lifeblood of the Legion. With dedicated troops at the regimental level to entrench key areas and provide ongoing support to frontline units, mounting strong defenses had become much more feasible on a grand scale and logistical needs dramatically improved. They worked as reserve units, reinforcing battered Legionary units too weak to continue engagements and actively filled roles a Legionary unit would normally be lacking in.

Further changes came more noticeably at the squad level, where it became standard to see a fireteam of two or three Tirailleurs attached to a Legionary unit completely different from their own. Attached to a Grenadier unit, they would serve as scouts and snipers. Attached to a Voltigeurs unit, they would act as assault troopers. And to Fusiliers, mortar teams and anti-armour. With these level of flexibility and versatility, Tirailleurs were often dubbed by fellow Legionnaires as Second Fusiliers, however in reality they made poor frontline soldiers. With a high emphasis on support and defensive tactics, the Tirailleurs acted to sustain a unit down to the squad level without the need to rely on outside units for survival. Their priority then was not to destroy the enemy but to keep their allies alive. That task was for others to take.

Develop Your Story / Re: Chelderan Chronicles: Worldbuilding
« on: January 18, 2018, 05:52:28 AM »

Thanks a lot! :thumbsup: I think even with all the notes I have about this universe, I can't shake off the feeling that it's still very... very tiny. Then again I suppose you can say the same thing about this world. Knowing what you do here can affect something halfway across the world speaks volumes of how small our world is, and in that case... it might very well be the same with CC's universe, considering everything is linked to another in some way.  :hmm:

Two days remain before the first vote commences! If you haven't started your portfolio yet, please do so before the end of Friday. :o Otherwise we have no way of including you within the Community Vote!

If by then none of the requirements are met, we will have to assume you have left the workshop, so do try to be timely  8)

Develop Your Story / Re: CRUCIBLE 2047! (Recruitment thread)
« on: January 15, 2018, 04:49:37 PM »
Hm. I've been meaning to bring up the issue about poll editing with Hasith. There are some issues where if you set the poll to a certain rule, it stays that way permanently, which is annoying  :glare:

Zsssssst! - By Caesarea
Genre: Sci-Fi Fantasy
Synopsis: A weary scientist, a bubbly young girl, and a demonic soul trapped inside a golem's body go on extraordinary adventures as they explore the many wonders of the Omega Infinitum.

Link: Zsssssst!

MR Pub / Re: Chit Chat 2018
« on: January 13, 2018, 09:50:19 PM »
Tfw you go into work to help fix a minor issue and end up with more issues than you did eight hours ago...

Yup. Weekend is off to a great start.

The Workshop Has Officially Commenced!

Welcome All to the Writer's Marathon Workshop! This time around, the objective is completing a collaborative novella totaling 10,000 to 40,000 words-worth of story within a 10-week time period. There is only one limitation, and that is these stories must be complete! So break out those writing utensils, crack your stiff fingers, and get ready to finish your next Writer's Marathon!

Our goal for the first week is the completion of a rough outline and/or the first 10-percent of your story, as well as the finalization of writing teams and their respective portfolios. If you are one of the "Unassigned" members, you must either become part of a team or declare yourself a solo writer by next Friday..This is so there is no confusion as to who's with who and no one gets arbitrarily left out. Additionally, you will also need to create a portfolio for this workshop at the beginning. Preferably you would want to assign the portfolio management to the more active member of the group. They will be responsible for updating everything within your team as we progress along the weeks. As an incentive to get all this done before the end of the first week, you will be withdrawn from the workshop if this is not completed by the end of next Friday on January 19th, 11:59 PM PST. No pressure  8)

...and that's about it! The rest of the weeks will have no other requirements. Simply have your work in your portfolios and you will be included in the weekly community vote every Friday.

By the way, if you haven't noticed, I've given temporary names to the current writer teams on the Original Post. Now you could opt to keep that name if you wish, but I like to give things a bit of flair  ;) If you wish to have a team name to go by, either PM or post here and I will update the list accordingly  ;D

Lastly, if you wish to engage with any of our members or former members of the Writer's Marathon, click on the Discord link here or at the Original Post.

Good Luck Writers!

I forgot to mention this before, but if you've already assembled your team, send a PM over to me so I can sort you into your respective group.  :thumbsup:


Last chance to join this incredible workshop before registration closes! Don't be late  :D

If you've already signed up, now would be a good time to either find a partner or declare yourself a solo writer. We will be starting this workshop at haste the moment it opens 8:00 AM PST Saturday.

Manga Art Gallery / Re: Devola's Stuff
« on: January 11, 2018, 03:44:49 AM »
I was actually reminded about this youtube video when you drew the violin: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kfvw_Y5MTlk

Basically there was a running gag midway about how people who drew the best violin got an A.  :tongue:

But sure, it's small  :D

Manga Art Gallery / Re: Devola's Stuff
« on: January 11, 2018, 03:13:58 AM »
Hm...  :hmm:


...that is a very squishy violin.

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