December 12, 2017, 02:40:40 PM

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Messages - Aozora

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 54
1
Develop Your Story / Re: Chelderan Chronicles: Worldbuilding
« on: December 07, 2017, 02:59:36 AM »
Hey Op,

Good to see you are still writing. I remember world building was always your thing haha

I also like how your tag line is still Writer of Caesarea ;)

That collab was probably one of the most exciting things to ever come out of MR for me.

Anyways with regards to the actual post...I couldn't read it all XD ... it's too much! First two paragraphs were solid  :tongue:

2
MR Pub / Re: Comeback/holidays/departure notice.
« on: December 07, 2017, 02:51:42 AM »
Hi I'm back...kinda...

But I don't feel like writing and most of the people I was close with aren't around so...

Might be a short return, we'll see

3
break Room / Re: An explanation... (I'm back, but different)
« on: December 07, 2017, 02:42:03 AM »
Hi Miss Churro.

I am posting very late...haven't been on in awhile. But I saw this and felt I wanted to say something.

I think I was very much like that too, trying to come across cool, fun, outgoing even though I'm not like that in real life. I've gotten over the persona thing though. Just took some time and maturity for me. And I think it was a similar case for you too. Takes a lot of courage and humility to admit and share what you wrote.

To be honest,  I felt guilty after reading because there was a time when I used to think negatively whenever I saw you take disciplinary action against someone. I used to think you were trying to act big...I was very silly in my feelings...I'm very sorry for that.

We can never know what another person is going through, but instead we jump to conclusions nonetheless. Please, please keep striving. You are a very talented person and I think many colleges would be happy to have you. Wish you all the best.

4
Manga Talk / Grashros
« on: December 05, 2017, 08:48:43 PM »
Please let's discuss this manga!!!!! It's soooo good :heart: Only three chapters in on MangaStream so you can catch up very quick

What's cool about this manga is that the story is very cliche and simple - something you or I would write and post on here haha, but the dialogue and artwork is so good, it's just amazing.

It's an action and historic manga about a hunter tribe where a child is born to defy destiny. Yes, sounds super cliche - I know. But just check it out; trust me!



5
Welcome Center / Re: Hello from Vzla
« on: May 31, 2017, 03:50:45 PM »
Always cool to have people from different countries like Venezuela! Welcome Alan!

6
Develop Your Story / Hikaru Rising [Reboot]
« on: May 31, 2017, 03:40:45 PM »
Just had this random spark to try and revive the first and largest project I had undertaken: Hikaru Rising. I was about 8 and a half chapters into the story, 45,000+ words when I pretty much abandoned it indefinitely (http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php/topic,12745.msg217288/topicseen.html#msg217288).

There were several things I didn't like about the story that I wanted to change and so here I am. I only have very little so far and to be honest I'm not very confident this reboot will last very long lol but we'll see how it goes. Feel free to offer any thoughts.


Prologue-sort-of-thing

“I watched in remorseful silence as my son, Prince of the Realm, heir to my throne, was brought into the Great Hall in shackles and chains. I sat high on my throne like a fool, but I might as well have been buried within the deepest pits of the earth. For a King to overlook the judicial proceedings of his own son, there is no greater sorrow. He was stoic and brave, not perturbed in the slightest by the incriminating looks of the High Council members. He didn’t even blink when they doomed him to a human birth. My son…I watched you vanish into dust – a sight no father should ever have to behold. I could blame those duplicitous crooks on the High Council but ultimately it was his arrogance and imprudence that led to his demise. But he will return. I have no doubt of that.”

King Lucidus turned from the window and faced the youthful, but fierce woman kneeling before him. “Patrona, the human birth of Prince Hikaru is upon us!”

“My lord!” Patrona rose to her feet.

“You are perhaps the only person in the entire Realm I can trust.” Lucidus slowly revealed a vial containing a golden substance from beneath his robes.

“I have extracted the essence of Lord Vratos’ power from the dust that was once my son. A son created by the God of War himself. Patrona, you will ensure that this power flows through the veins of Hikaru once more. It will protect him from the dangers of the mortal realm when you or I cannot.”

“But My lord,” Patrona said, “a human form cannot possibly withstand such power, let alone that of an infant. It could kill the young prince.”

“Have faith. The body is merely a vessel. The soul is where true strength lies,” the King said, as he gently placed the vial in Patrona’s hand.

“Yes, My lord,” Patrona said, clenching the vial in her fist. “I will protect Prince Hikaru with my life.”

“You have my gratitude, Patrona. Deliver the essence directly into the bloodstream. There will be those looking to use this opportunity to take Hikaru’s life while he is confined to this mortal body. I am sure you are aware of the perils that await…Be safe.”

Patrona bowed deeply and took her leave.

King Lucidus turned to the window once more. The flowing rivers and lush fields had lost their appeal since the departure of his son. He had only one thought.

Rise…Hikaru!




7
Welcome Center / Re: The Black Wolf begins his Howl
« on: May 31, 2017, 03:27:24 PM »
Hey Anthony, welcome to the community! Big fan of Naruto here as well. My favorite was the Zabuza arc - feel like there was nothing else quite like it in the history of anime lol.

Enjoy your time here and hope to see you posting your stories soon :)

8
break Room / INVINCIBLE UNDER THE SUN - What does it mean??
« on: April 11, 2017, 02:31:52 AM »
I really like this phrase: Invincible Under the Sun.

Don't know how many people here have read Vagabond, a manga that I would highly recommend to anybody looking for a nice, gritty manga. It's about Musashi Miyamoto, one of the greatest samurais to have ever lived. I'm sure a lot of liberty was taken with the historical accuracy but the story of his rise to greatness is incredibly crafted. In the manga, Musashi Miyamoto is a brutish young man raised in the mountains who sets off on a journey to defeat those claimed to be the strongest, so that he may prove himself to be superior to them, prove himself to be invincible under the sun.

I thought it'd be interesting to start a light-hearted, philosophical discussion on what exactly does it mean to be "invincible under the sun" with regards to current society and our personal lives. Where and when can this phrase be applied, if at all? I'm curious to know what you guys think.

For me, I've been watching a lot of professional basketball recently so the person who comes to mind when I think of "invincible under the sun" is Tim Duncan.

Tim Duncan may not be the best NBA player, considering guys like Michael Jordan and Lebron James, all of whom have better stats than Duncan. But Duncan is the strongest player in my opinion. What I mean by that is Duncan was a force to be reckoned with. When he got on the court, the opposing team would quiver at the sight of this 6' 11'' behemoth. Another thing mentioned in the Vagabond manga is that as one grows kinder as they grow stronger. Duncan was extremely kind. Players would speak all kinds of trash but nothing ever got under his skin. He never threw insults or jabs, or sought fame or glory, often shying away from the camera and the spotlight. If anything, he only gave compliments on the court, which often confused the opposing players. So in the world of basketball, I would give Tim Duncan the title of "invincible under the sun". Basically for me, I think "invincible under the sun" not only means an individual who is extremely good at what he/she does, but who also has a character that speaks volumes.

9
Movies and TV shows / Re: Trailer Discussions
« on: April 11, 2017, 01:58:41 AM »
So did the Assassin creed movie suck?

I thought it sucked based on reviews but my roommate put it one day and it was actually pretty good.

Half dead thread, but who's seen the Thor: Ragnarok trailer? Getting hyped for some <SPOILER> fighting <SPOILER>!

Spoiler
Oh, and Thor and Hulk fight too, I guess.

I'm so hype for this. The Thor movies are my favorite out of all of the Marvel movies, especially the first one. The guy who plays Thor does such a good job too.

Sadly, I stopped caring for comic book movies. The trailer looked cool, kinda bright but that was the point. It's just another movie I will see in my room.

Dude just go see in theaters with someone.

10
General Manga writer discussions / Re: Explore Your MC Character Flaw
« on: February 23, 2017, 03:04:48 AM »
Yeah I will have to agree with OGHM in that saying "Naruto was never wrong" is not a fair statement. Of course, perceptions of right and wrong will vary from person to person. But the moral dilemma with Naruto was always (like OGHM mentioned) his overly idealistic view of the world. Even when Sasuke attacked the 5 Kage Summit and joined Akatsuki, Naruto held stubbornly to the belief that there was still good in Sasuke and that his hatred, as well as the hatred of all others, could be purged from the world - that the cycle of hatred and revenge could be broken. In the end, everything is fine and dandy and Sasuke ends up being a good guy, so in that sense, yeah Naruto was right.

But I think using shounens as an example is counterproductive. The whole point is to portray an idealized hero that teens can relate to and look up to; this is known as the Chosen One trope. So naturally, it makes sense why shounen main characters are always right. It's the author's method of trying to push forward messages of positivity that today's youth can learn from.

Just imagine. What if Naruto ended with Naruto losing his life to Sasuke, Sasuke stays evil and starts his reign of terror on the world. Would be an interesting ending for sure but at the same time the author would be telling the youth, "Hey look. Even though Naruto tried so hard to save his friend from darkness he failed and all of his efforts were completely useless, and so basically the world is just a cruel, *censored*ty place and there's no point in trying to make a positive impact in the world because it's just going to stay that way." Pushing that sort of message would be totally contradictory to the uplifting, positive messages that action shounen stories are supposed to convey, and would instead leave a pretty sour taste in the mouths of young readers and most likely put a dampener on how they view and perceive the world. That's why it's very important for shounen MCs to be right all the time. But they should definitely have flaws too. Naruto was loud, obnoxious, not exactly the brightest, and several others.

I only have one story I'm working on at the moment and it happens to be a shounen lol. Basically, the story takes place during a time where there aren't any real country borders or governments. Just nomadic tribes of warriors trying to conquer as much land as they can. In one of these nomadic tribes, called factions, is a young boy named Shahm who's not a very good warrior as he was raised by farmers. His job is to act as a human shield for the grandson of the faction's lord. That grandson is also around his age but he refuses to learn how to fight from him because he sees the grandson as his rival. He only wants to do things his way and will try to find a way to become a strong warrior without relying on anyone. And so, he's prideful, hot-headed, and stubborn.

11
Develop Your Story / Re: Anyone else get this problem?
« on: February 22, 2017, 01:48:16 AM »
This is a major, if not the biggest, roadblock with any storywriting. In our minds, we are able to easily visualize those exciting scenarios and characters. It's so clear in our mind it runs almost like an anime. But these scenes and characters are disjointed and need to be smoothly incorporated into the overarching story. We can't simply jump from one scenario to the other without a fluid storyline and proper transitions. This is where all that pesky foreshadowing, character development, dialogue, and "the little details" as you called it come into play. I personally just flesh these things out as I write. I think the optimal method would be to write in short spurts. Write a little, and then stop to think about what to write next that would allow what you have written so far to connect with the next big scene. This of course takes a lot more time, and a lot more effort. What I do is write in long bursts of five to six hours and flesh out the details as I go along because writing helps my creativity flow. The problem with this is that by doing this we're not thinking far enough ahead. Ten chapters down the road you might find that certain decisions you made storytelling wise are preventing you from taking the story in a certain direction due to potential plot holes and inconsistencies. I've struggled with this a lot with longer series and stories. I think the method of developing the story as you write it is much better for a short story or a one-shot type of deal.

Needless to say, a story has to be so finely crafted. So much planning has to go into it. One could argue story writing is more planning than writing. Authors spend several years despite writing every single day for one book, but those authors who spend so much time planning and making sure that not a single gap in logic or flow exists, are the ones that tend to be extremely successful. Unless you are aiming for that level of success, I don't think so much focus needs to be placed on developing the more minor details but rather on dishing out a very strong overarching story.

12
Develop Your Story / Re: Female MMA manga
« on: February 18, 2017, 03:06:43 PM »
MMA manga would be a very cool idea. And as for the basic plot, that's unavoidable. But there are ways to always change it up. In Prince of Tennis, the main character Ryoma is already a tennis genius but he gets brought down to Earth when he realizes that there are people stronger than him.

I also wanted to do a similar storyline with MMA fighting. The protagonist was once one of the best in high school (maybe top 5 in the world in his age group) but then one day he gets completely annihilated by this newcomer that one expected to win and then leaves professional boxing because of the humiliation. Fast forward to college days, the protagonist has left professional fighting but does underground battles for quick money and because he still enjoys it, and the newcomer that beat him years ago is now the best in the world. Story would revolve around the protagonist getting back onto his feet after that humiliating defeat and re entering the world of MMA to become the best in the world and beat the guy who essentially ended his career.

Totally feel free to use this. I doubt I'll ever get to making this into an actual story. 

13
Develop Your Story / Re: Forged In The Flames
« on: December 24, 2016, 01:33:45 AM »
Wassup all, updated Chapter 1with a proper ending and have the beginning to chapter 2 below. Criticism welcome as always.

Chapter 2: I Am Shahm
Rays of golden light tickled Shahm’s face. He had an amazing sleep and although he wished it could go on forever, he forced himself up. To his surprise, however, none of the bandmates with whom he shared the tent were around. In fact, the tent itself was gone; only his belongings remained. He was exposed, out in the open, barren lands with not a single soul in sight. The band had simply packed and left without him. He started to panic, hoping that they had not gone too far. He quickly rolled his sheets, grabbed his belongings, and darted in the direction of wheel tracks and hoof prints.

As he ran, he could discern a figure in the distance, leaning against a tree at the edge of the surrounding forestry. The shadows obscured the man’s face but as Shahm approached closer, he realized who it was. That crisp jawline and wavy but kempt auburn locks belonged to none other than Captain Emon Elisar, the third captain of the Order of the White Hawk and the nicest person Shahm knew.
 
“Captain Emon!” Shahm waved cheerfully.

Captain Emon looked up with a trace of alarm, but Shahm paid no mind, attributing the captain’s reaction to his unexpected appearance.

“Shahm!” Captain Emon expressed his surprise. “What are you still doing here? The band has up and gone to move quarters after the raid last night.”

“I decided to sleep in a bit,” Shahm chuckled awkwardly.

Captain Emon displayed his signature smile. “As usual. I thought we had discussed this and you promised you’d try to get up earlier from now on,” he lectured.

Shahm looked down, kicking his feet. “Yeah…I know,” he mumbled. Captain Emon had this unique manner of reproach. His words never cut or stung but always succeeded in evoking a sense of guilt or embarrassment. The aura he emitted was what seemed to give his words such power, Shahm presumed.

“Anyhow, no worries!” Captain Emon reassured. “The band shouldn’t be too far ahead. If you keep going in this direction, you should catch up to them in short time.”

“Really!? Thank goodness.” Shahm prepared to take off but waited for Captain Emon to make a move. An awkward silence ensued.

“Aren’t you coming too?”

“Huh? Oh that’s right.” Captain Emon chuckled, recollecting himself. “I forgot to mention the Lord Baron asked me to stay behind and make sure we were not being followed to prevent any surprises.”

A raven black crow suddenly landed right onto Captain Emon’s shoulder. Shahm jumped in alarm, and was also slightly disturbed by its crimson red eyes.

“Wh-what’s that?”

“Oh, this is the messenger crow that delivered this letter to me,” Captain Emon said, referring to the parchment in his hand. “Mother likes to check up on me from time to time.”

“Wow, I’m surprised I’ve never seen them before. I would expect that a lot of the guys in the White Hawk would be using these to communicate with their families.”

“Ah, yes. Unfortunately, this breed of crow is very rare, located in only certain parts of the world. They can track the recipient with their keen sense of smell. Very interesting creatures.”

Captain Emon then continued, “It’s done its job. I should probably send it back.” He looked at the crow and made a shooing noise and gesture, but the crow completely ignored him.

“Hiya!” he shouted suddenly. This time the crow received the message loud and clear, but before flying off, it cawed at the captain, almost as though to voice its displeasure with him.

Shahm was surprised by the captain’s strong command, and even slightly intimidated; that was the loudest he had ever heard Captain Emon.

The captain turned back to Shahm. “Have to be a little firm with them sometimes,” he smiled.

Shahm chuckled shyly in return.

“Come. We should probably get moving before we fall too far behind,” he said, tucking the parchment into his tunic.     

14
Develop Your Story / Re: Forged In The Flames
« on: December 16, 2016, 01:20:25 AM »
Lego, my man...always love seeing a review from you brotha!

Your compliments are greatly appreciated and criticisms have been duly noted.
 
To answer your other questions: Shahm is pronounced like "mom", though a subtle 'y' sound is there, such that it could read like "Shyam". Yes! The factions in this story take their inspiration from Berserk. Very keen eye as always.

I appreciate the review dude; let me know if there is anything you'd like me to take a look at.

15
General Manga writer discussions / Re: How long are your chapters?
« on: November 21, 2016, 08:35:29 PM »
That's a good amount you wrote there. The longest story I've written is Hikaru Rising and it peaked at 40,000 words. It's ongoing but I've taken a break from it. I would try to make each chapter for that story around 3,000-5,000 words. Now I don't care so much about chapter length. i just write until I feel I've found a good stopping point. You can always go back to figure out chapter lengths. None of my stories are as long as that one either because I've been jumping around and quitting on a lot of my stories, even though that's bad lol.

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