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Messages - Hikari

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 119
1
Develop Your Story / Re: My Idea for a story: Shards
« on: September 17, 2018, 03:23:50 PM »
Agree with Chronos. What you have told us is the basic premise but unfortunately there’s not much to critique. We don’t know what these characters are like, what they are against, how they deal with the events and how the world reacts to it.

You could get critique on just this but it’d probably just be a lot of small stuff that doesn’t really help you. If you can, write a detailed synopsis or a one shot (if you are feelin it), it’ll give us a chance to see your writing style and what could be improved on

Oh and welcome to MR.  :sheep:

2
Develop Your Story / Re: Hikari's Random Gallery of crappy ideas
« on: September 12, 2018, 09:52:07 PM »
I see what you mean. I best character I have right now is a guy called Johnny Lopez. He grew up in a rough area and had to learn how to adapt to the dangers around him. But he had a very close friend who was fairly rich and the two got along really well. It was at his friends house that he first saw wrestling and what got him interested. He already knew his friend was trying to go pro so he went with him to one of his training sessions and was instantly noticed by one of the trainers for having a lot of potential. This added on to being trained by a close family friend (the style he was taught was Pencak Silat, which originated in Indonesia and mainly focuses on strikes) meant he had quite the arsenal.

In the story I have down for him. He and his friend joined the company they are currently in as a Tag Team and were extremely successful, Lopez had his wicked kicks and devastating combinations whilst his friend put more hours in at the gym hoping to emulate his favourite wrestler’s style of a lot of lifting and some technical submissions. But Lopez picked things up at an insane pace and his friend couldn’t keep up, the two split and this friend was approached by the owner of the brand. The owner wanted a specific type of wrestler to rule their show as its face and hated the idea of it being Lopez, so they offered him a deal end Lopez and he would be champion. Lopez was put in a match with him and his friend almost cost him his career because of it.

For me that’s probably the best I’ve got right now, the other character in that did have other reasons as to why he did what he did but that’d be a whole other story

3
Develop Your Story / Re: Hikari's Random Gallery of crappy ideas
« on: September 12, 2018, 06:29:50 PM »
Thanks for the review man, I appreciate it.

I’m sorry about the lack of punctuation in there, I always seem to get right into creating and then when I’m reviewing it myself I just get lazy so I’ll go through it and add a couple stops in. About the characters, I believe building characters is probably my weakness, like I can insert a basic trait in there and I have gone through and tried to think how their background would alter them but they always come out rather one dimensional. With Yuzuru, his backstory directly impacts his character and it possibly is a big reason as to why he is so robotic, though this is definitely something I want to improve. Do you have any advice on character building? From what you put I’d imagine trying to show off the world they are in may help so I’ll try and add some detail on that.

In regards to the style of wrestling itself, it’s a jumbling of the WWE style (very dramatised) and independent promotions such as: New Japan Pro Wrestling, Ring Of Honor, Progress, etc which are much more about high intensity match ups, while they are still fake they put a lot of effort into making moves look extremely real. My intention with the series is to have the moves be real full contact as the deeper parts of the series just wouldn’t make any sense if it was fake. If I could I’d make it openly a fake show with a lot of 4th wall breaks but I did want to have a more action Sh?nen feel to it rather than comedy.

I’m glad you liked parts of it, some of the specific parts you mentioned came after I got some great critique so I’ve got some other people to be thanking XD. One of my biggest worries for the series was that I wouldn’t be able to properly explain the match whilst it happened but it seems it went down well so i is relieved.

Again thanks a lot for reviewing, it really helps me improve so the next rewrite or chapter (depends on if I think I can move onto the next one) that much better. And don’t worry, you didn’t sound rude at all (trust me I’ve seen some rude reviewers on here though normally it’s the creators that get mad).

4
Develop Your Story / Re: Hikari's Random Gallery of crappy ideas
« on: September 11, 2018, 05:32:39 PM »
Updated EWZ's one shot based on some reviews I got. Series has been renamed to Empire or Teikoku. All reviews are welcomed no matter how petty you think the critique is. Thanks in advance

5
Manga Artists Wanted / Re: Available free non-paid artist here!
« on: June 09, 2018, 09:17:30 PM »
Oh boy, Prepare for the 10-20 messages from newbies asking for you to make a 300+ chapter series then leaving the site after a week XD. Good quality artwork for free is like hanging a box of KFC infront of a pack of starving lions on here.  :sheep:

Btw, I dunno if you did already but when you get some time introduce yourself in the Welcome Center, it’s a good way of making friends on here and it’s kind of a tradition, Welcome to the Raiders!  :D

6
Develop Your Story / Empire One Shot
« on: May 25, 2018, 01:08:22 AM »
Modified version and a name change (was EWZ, now is Teikoku or Empire) Criticism is welcomed, be as harsh as possible. If you do not wish to give critique no worries, thanks for checking it out

Match 1 – The Proving Ground
We begin in a stadium. In this venue are thousands of people of all shapes and sizes. They are shadowed, lacking detail. The roar from the crowd drowns out all other sounds. In the centre of the arena is a squared circle, inside are two men who are also shadowed, all that can be seen is two figures. A bell rings and the two rush towards each other and the crowd becomes louder, cheering out at this violent ballet. The camera spins around the two into a close-up shot of one. This then changes to a close-up shot of a young man. He is sat underneath a rather large tree, in the distance is a building that looks recently built. The man has small plasters on his face and some bandaging can be seen below his shirt. A feint voice of a young man catches the attention of this stranger, he opens his eyes.
Voice: Yuzu?
Yuzu looks to his right to see the source of the voice. Stood there is a male around the same as Yuzu. He has a metal crutch in his right arm, as well as a brace over his left knee. He is looking down towards Yuzu
Yuzu: Ichiro (he replies in a soft tone, still trying to wake up from his nap)
Ichiro: What are you doing dozing off over here? Hana’s match is starting
Yuzu: It’s that time already? (starts to slowly get up) Sorry, the last match took it out of me and before I knew it I was already asleep.
Ichiro: Good job I got here then, huh? I don’t even wanna imagine what torture she’d put you through if you missed her big match
Yuzu: (Laughs nervously at the thought of his punishments) Yeah, probably a good idea to head out asap
Ichiro grins and the two begin to walk together
Yuzu: So how are you feeling?
Ichiro: Great, doctor said that I should only have a couple more rehab sessions until I can get back to training. Although he said if I try to train before he gives me the all clear like I did last time he’ll glue the crutch to my hand
Yuzu: Ahaha, I won’t tell if you won’t
Ichiro: It’s Hana I’m more worried about. She’s been babying me ever since we were kids
Yuzu: She likes to worry. Which is weird considering she’s the most likely to cause damage
Ichiro: Hopefully she saves that for the next fight. Your fight is after that right?
Yuzu: Yeah. There’s a 10-minute break in between so I should be able to get backstage in time. He’ll be a tough one to beat though
Ichiro: (turns to look at Yuzu who is at his right side) Hey. We made a pact, remember? I won the tournament I was in, now you and Hana gotta do the same, doesn’t matter who it is, this is our big chance, right? (Holds his fist towards Yuzu)
Yuzu: (Smiles) Yeah (Hits Ichiro’s fist with his own)
The two arrive at a wrestling ring and move into the crowd eagerly awaiting the action. They take their seats; the crowd are vibrant with the odd cheer thrown in
Yuzu spots a girl in the ring already
Yuzu: Looks like we made it in time (to Ichiro)
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the Final of our annual Female break-out talents tournament. This match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Kobe, she is the winner of last year’s tournament Sakuraba Kimi!
The crowd cheers as one of the competitors raises her arms
Announcer: And the challenger
Yuzu: (To Ichiro) so how long is she lasting?
Ichiro: Oh? Against her? Champ won’t last 5 minutes
Announcer: She is the dark horse of this tournament. Hailing from Tokyo, Koizumi Hana!
Yuzuru and Ichiro stand and cheer loudly. There are a few cheers and claps from the others in the crowd. New shot is behind Hana, a relatively tall girl wearing a dark-grey vest and black wrestling tights with similarly coloured boots. She is warming up but is distracted by the loud cheers from Yuzu and Ichiro which is catching the attention of the rest of the audience.
Hana: (Whispering to herself) Making too much noise…. (visibly getting angrier as Yuzu and Ichiro get louder)
The champion walks towards Hana and stretches out her hand
Kimi: Hana, is it? Well done for making it this far. Not many newbies even get past the prelims
Hana: Oh, (smiles) thank you, it was difficult but here we are
Kimi: Its unfortunate that you couldn’t win however
Hana: (She grins) I sure look forward to making you eat those words.
The referee joins them and tells them to go to their corners and begins the match. Both walk towards each other in a defensive stance and lock up in a collar and elbow tie up. Hana can manoeuvre into a side headlock, but Kimi pushes Hana into the ropes and pushes her away using the momentum of said ropes. Hana bounces back and ducks Kimi’s clothesline, follows through with the momentum off the ropes again and hitting Kimi with a shoulder block dropping her to the ground. After about a second Hana bounces off the ropes again, Kimi moves so she is lying in front of Hana forcing her to jump over her. Hana continues to run to the ropes and back while Kimi stands and attempts to leapfrog Hana. Hana stops in front of the airborne Kimi and catches her into an inverted atomic drop then quickly transitioning into a suplex.
Cut back to Yuzu and Ichiro who are watching the match go on as Kimi holds her back in pain.
Yuzu: Since when did she get so good at collar and elbow tie ups?
Ichiro: Eh? She’s been good at that for ages. Although whenever we train you end up in your own world. (Folds his arms proudly) Believe me if you think that is good, you’re gonna be picking your jaw off the floor by the end of this
Yuzu: (With a bewildered look on his face as he stares at Ichiro) Why do you look so proud when you haven’t done anything (He thinks)
Just after this it is a full panel of Hana catching a moving Kimi in a Step-Up Enzuigiri (basically a jumping kick to the back of the head), Kimi falls limp onto her knees and slumps, so her head falls to the ground.
Ichiro: Nice Hana! Finish her! (He shouts out to Hana)
Hana picks Kimi up in a front headlock and suddenly falls to one knee, driving Kimi’s head into the other. Before Kimi falls, Hana hooks both of her opponent’s arms so they are back to back in a sort of backpack position
Ichiro: And like that, its over. Her favourite move…
Yuzu: (Close up of a grinning Yuzu) The Widow’s Peak
Hana has her hands under the chin of Kimi. She sits out the move smashing Kimi’s knees into the mat but also causing a sort of reverse stunner on Kimi. She then covers Kimi, the referee counts
Referee: 1,2…3!
The bell rings. The crowd stands and cheers. The announcer enters the ring again with a trophy. He hands Hana the trophy and a medal
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen the winner of the 7th annual women’s break-out talent tournament, Koizumi Hana!
Ichiro and Yuzu stand and cheer. Hana smiles and lifts the trophy proudly
Skip to a large tent behind the stage. This is where the talent wait to step into their next match. Yuzu and Ichiro walk towards the entrance but stop when they see Hana talking to two suited men.
Ichiro: Wonder what that’s about (He says to Yuzu whilst still looking towards the trio)
Yuzu: Who knows?
Yuzu and Ichiro walk towards Hana. As they do the suited men notice the approaching fan section (Yuzu and Ichiro) and finish off their conversation with Hana, give her a card and bow to her. As the suited men walk past the pair they bow, Ichiro and Yuzu return the gesture then continue to walk towards Hana
Hana: Oh! Ichi! Yuzu!
Sakurai: Yo
Yuzu: What was that about?
Hana: Oh, those guys? They are from a modelling agency. Apparently, they come to events like this to find the next big star for their brand
Yuzu: And they chose you? (in a mocking tone)
Hana: (Staring at Yuzu with intensity that would match that of a Yakuza member) Ah???? You pickin’ a fight kid?
Yuzu: Sorry…
Sakurai cracks up
Hana: So, how you feeling?
Yuzu: Better than before. I just wanna get out there already
Sakurai: That’s good cause you haven’t got much prep time.
Hana: You better win! Lose and there’ll be hell to pay
Yuzu: (nervous laugh, imagining his gravestone) I’ll do my best.

Skip to the ring again.
Announcer: Our next match is the main event! The finals of the men’s tournament. This match is scheduled for ONE FALL!
The crowd shout out “one fall”
Announcer: Introducing first. Like in our women’s final we have a relatively unknown entrant in the finals. He has impressed many here and beat veterans to get this far but here he faces a well-versed star. Hailing from Tokyo… Yamato Yuzuru!
Yuzuru walks onto the stage and towards the ring. The audience cheers as he approaches one of the biggest fights of his career. A few moments pass to allow the audience to cool. Yuzu stretches after appealing to the crowd. Music begins, and the audience explodes into noise.
Announcer: And his opponent! Quite the opposite to his foe, he is a veteran of this competition with experience competing everywhere from Kagoshima to Hokkaido as well as experience overseas in the biggest industry brands. He is the odds-on favourite to take it all! From Hachinohe, Aomori… YARAI!
Yarai walks out with black and purple gear. He has a sleeveless black shirt with the words “Freelancer” in purple. He walks down the ramp smiling and waving. He enters the ring by rolling under the bottom rope then climbs up on of the turnbuckles and raises his arms. The crowd quiet down as the two fighters approach the centre of the ring.
Yarai: I saw your matches before, you’ve got a lot of talent for someone your age. Your teacher must be proud
Yuzuru: Thanks, I’ve seen some of your matches too. Sorry to say that I knew that you were going to be in this tournament when I entered, so I made sure to check out some of your work.
Yarai: Scouting the opposition, smart. I’m looking forward to seeing how you use that info. May the best man win (stretches out his hand towards Yuzu)
Yuzuru: (Shakes Yarai’s hand) Yeah. Looking forward to it
The two begin to walk to opposite corners. Yarai stops
Yarai: Oh! I noticed you and another guy in the crowd making some ruckus during the women’s match
Yuzuru: That’s because Hana is a good friend of mine. The other guy is a wrestler too, though he’s injured at the moment
Yarai: Ah, it’s good to see such talented prospects. Let’s me know what I need to do to stay on top
Yarai reaches his corner. Ichiro and Hana reach their seats in the crowd
Hana: He’s gonna be okay, right?
Ichiro: Yeah. This is his big chance, there’s no way he’d lose here. Cause Yuzu is…
Shot changes to the referee starting the match. As soon as he does Yuzu flies out of his corner in an instant, kicking off the ground. He catches Yarai off guard and hits a massive flying clothesline
Ichiro: a genius (Shot is still the clothesline)
The crowd roar in surprise. Yarai sits up looking at Yuzu, he wipes his lip with his wrist and smirks. He anticipates a boot to the face and spins out of the way and uses the momentum to stand. Yarai hooks his arm around Yuzu’s neck from behind and pulls to hit a sort of reverse snapmare takedown, in the same motion that Yuzu lands on his stomach Yarai moves into a crossface wrenching away at Yuzu’s head. Yuzu quickly repositions to put Yarai in a pinning position but Yarai kicks out at 1. Both stand and stare at each other, wracking their brains trying to think of the next move and all the different counters
Yarai: Not bad kid, looks like you are sound technically. Let’s test those strikes
Yuzu: Bring it!
Yarai rushes forward and jumps aiming both feet at Yuzu to hit a shotgun dropkick, but Yuzu side-steps and attempts a double stomp which is evaded. Yarai tries to hit a strike from behind but Yuzu predicts it and hits a backwards heel kick which connects, he then spins to hit an Enzuigiri. Yarai dodges and hits a running knee strike to the now grounded Yuzuru. Now it is Yuzu grounded whilst Yarai stands above him
Yuzu: (Thoughts) Gotta predict the next move. Can’t get caught behind!
Yarai fakes a shotgun dropkick, Yuzu falls for it and tries the same evasion spin Yarai used earlier but is caught in a stunner by Yarai
Ichiro: Not good!
Yarai stands. Yuzu took significant damage from the stunner and a little shaky. Yarai underhooks Yuzu’s arms in a butterfly hold but lifts him off the ground. Yarai keeps Yuzu in the air for theatrics then drops Yuzu so that he would land on his feet but quickly lifts his knees to connect with Yuzu’s stomach
Ichiro: Damn it, he hit it!
Hana: What?
Ichiro: A move that he made his own, the Butterfly Gutbuster. Yuzu’s in trouble!
Yarai moves into a pinning position, the referee begins to count
Referee: 1,2…
Yuzuru just kicks out in time, saving himself from losing the match. Yarai stands while Yuzu holds his abdomen
Yarai: Come on kid, get up!
Yuzu struggles to his knees. As he does Yarai puts Yuzu in the same Butterfly hold he used before
Ichiro: Come on Yuzu, you can’t let him hit that!
Hana: Get out of it Yuzu!
Yuzu gets a sudden burst of motivation and pushes forward so that he spears Yarai into the turnbuckles. The hit forces Yarai to unlock the hold giving Yuzu an opportunity. He sets Yarai up in a suplex position and lifts. Yarai reverses it by shifting his body weight so that Yuzu loses grip. Yarai lands behind Yuzu and attempts to catch Yuzu in a waist lock but Yuzu hits a back elbow then hits a falling pele kick (overhead kick). It catches Yarai in the temple, Yarai doesn’t fall however. He is slightly stunned by the move. Yuzu quickly stands and lifts Yarai into a suplex holds for about half a second and transitions it into a falling spinebuster
Hana: Graveyard Smash!
Ichiro: He got him!
Yuzu lands the move at Yarai’s feet and uses his own to cover Yarai’s arms. This is a pinning position that is difficult for many to escape. The referee begins the count
Referee: 1,2…
Yarai kicks out. Yuzu begrudgingly accepting the kick out and standing. Yarai stands, just about staying stood. He furrows his brow getting obviously irritated from almost losing. He quickly rushes towards Yuzu
Yuzu: (Smirks and thinks) Caught you!
Yuzu hits a huge Superkick, Yarai backflips onto his front after taking it
Yuzu: (Thoughts) You really do have a bad habit of losing your cool in bad situations and rushing your enemy. Let’s finish this
While Yuzu thinks this, he lifts Yarai into a headscissor position and lift him for a powerbomb.
Ichiro: Powerbomb! If he hits it, he wins!
At the apex of the hold Yuzu feels a sharp pain in his stomach from the Gutbuster earlier. He drops Yarai because of this and Yarai takes the opportunity to lock in the butterfly hold and brings Yuzu’s head crashing into the mat. Yarai instantly pushes Yuzu so his shoulders are down and covers him
Hana: NO!
Ichiro: Kick out, kick out, Kick out!
Referee: 1,2…..thr-
With merely hundredths of a second Yuzu lifts his shoulders. Yarai is shocked, fully believing that the match was over. He has both hands on his head then looks at the referee
Yarai: That wasn’t three?! (He looks as if he had seen a ghost. Completely dazed at how much damage Yuzu took yet still managed to escape the pinfall)
Referee: The left shoulder lifted before the three count. Two count (He holds up two fingers to signify the count)
Yarai sits in shock for a few seconds but soon that shock changes to a smirk, he slowly gets to his feet, the match has taken its toll on the two and Yarai seems to sway slightly as he stands.
Yarai: Gotta hand it to you kid, I’ve taken out better men with that move. You’ve got guts. But I’m stopping this now
Yarai climbs through the ropes and then up the turnbuckle, taking his time
Hana: (Still holding her wrist against her temples, almost grinding her teeth in anxiety) oh god what now? (she says to Ichiro, her voice wavering slightly)
Ichiro: He like a lot of veterans realised early on that sometimes one finishing move wont work, they use an alternative finisher for situations like this. His just happens to be from the top rope… Yuzu is in serious troub-
Ichiro stops as he sees Yuzu stumble to his feet
Yuzu: I… Won’t go down that easily
Ichiro: That’s it Yuzu! You can do this!
Hana: He can’t pin you when you are stood! Don’t back down!
Yarai smiles
Yarai: I’m really starting to like you and your friends, kid.
Hana: Wait…
Ichiro: What?
Hana: Yarai went to the top rope to hit his finisher, right? Whenever you use diving moves you hit a prone target. So, if Yuzu stands up, then Yarai can’t hit the move, right?!
Ichiro: Usually you would be right
Hana: wha?
Ichiro: His finisher is…
Yarai: Unfortunately for you I can still end you!
Yarai leaps from the top rope towards Yuzu with his elbow aimed at his heart
Ichiro: A Flying Elbow
But Yarai notices at the last second a change in Yuzu’s stance and a look of pure concentration in the eyes of his foe
Yuzu: LOCK… ON
Yuzu had expected the Elbow and set a superkick in Yarai’s flight path. It connects, almost completely knocking Yarai out. The crowd are stunned but they erupt in awe
Ichiro: HE GOT HIM!!!
Hana: ONE LAST PUSH!!
Yuzu picks up the prone Yarai into a powerbomb, he feels the same pain as he did earlier
Yuzu: (thoughts) This is my chance, I WON’T GIVE IN!
With a warrior roar, Yuzu powers through the pain and plants Yarai with an emphatic Powerbomb
Ichiro & Hana: PIN HIM!!!!!
Yuzu covers the downed Yarai
Referee: 1,2…3
The audience explode with noise though two distinct voices are much louder. Yuzu rolls onto his back trying to catch his breath, work through the pain and deal with the emotions
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner and the new reigning competition champion… Yamato, YUZURU!
Yuzu stumbles to his feet, using the nearby ropes to help him stand. Hana rushes into the ring Ichiro stands in the crowd smiling at his friend
Hana: You did it! (bearhugs Yuzu)
Yuzu: (breathing clearly impeded by the almost sobbing Hana) Hana… can’t… breathe
Hana: (lets go of Yuzu quickly) Ah, sorry (smiling away)
Ichiro walks over to the two of them. Yuzu looks up and smiles
Ichiro: Nice win, champ (holds out his fist)
Yuzu hits Ichiro’s fist while the two smile at each other. Yarai collects himself, looks over at the three, smiles and quietly leaves the ring to allow Yuzu to soak in the glory.
Skip to after Yuzu leaves the ring and has had time to relax and get changed. The three are leaving the event with two major wins. As they are walking they hear a voice behind them
Yarai: Yuzuru!
The three turn around and see Yarai. He, like Hana and Yuzu is taped up with bandages and other healing applications.
Yuzu: Yarai. Where did you go after the match? I wanted to thank you
Yarai: Can’t be stealing the champ’s limelight, you should know that wrestlers only ever do that for people they respect. You put on one hell of a show kid. My people were right about you it seems
Yuzu: What do you mean?
Yarai: Well. I wasn’t being completely honest with you… I knew who you were. Same for you, Koizumi Hana, Sakurai Ichiro
The three are taken aback
Yarai: You see I don’t enter that tournament to win. Oh, but don’t worry I didn’t go easy on you at all, in fact I got way too into it. I enter the tournament to be a test dummy
Ichiro: Test dummy?
Unknown voice: For us
The three look to the left to see a man in a white suit
Suited Man: The name is Yukinori Miura, perhaps you’ve heard of me?
Hana: Are you another one of those modelling company guys?
Miura: Not quite, though you could say it’s a similar role
Ichiro: If I’m not mistaken… you are a scout for Teikoku (Empire)
Miura: Empire, ULW, JCPW, APW… it’d probably be more accurate to say I’m a scout for all of Japanese wrestling.
Yarai: I’ve been working with Miura for a few years now, I’m sort of the contact between Empire and him, so any talent Empire wants will be seen by me. This is kind of like my second job. We’ve been aware of you three for about 6 months now and have been in most of your big matches.
Yuzu: I thought you were with Empire
Yarai: I’m a freelancer. Technically I’m not under only one contract. I have good ties with Empire and my contract states that I can appear in other promotions as much as I like as long as I help bring new talent in. The owner’s shopping list is long and you three are on it
The three are speechless once again
Miura: If you do decide you want to join Empire, you’ll be signed to the developmental system. Do well there and you have an entire company to dominate.
Yuzu: This- this is crazy. I dunno what to say
Yarai: Oh, believe me I’ve been there. Kids your age don’t get to the big leagues this quickly but for the boss to personally name you as talent he wants on his payroll, it just goes to show how good you are. So, what do you say? Think you are ready to join the biggest brand in Japanese wrestling?
The air is heavy and the three are silent. Ichiro lifts his hand up towards his head, looking down at it as it stops at waist height
Ichiro: A plethora of the world’s greatest wrestlers all in one company? I’m getting fired up just thinking about it… I’m in
Hana: (grinning with excitement) Empire’s women’s division only started a couple years ago, and now they’re showing the world what we can do… I’d be an idiot to not want to be a part of that
Yarai: Good, that’s two. What about you, Yuzuru?
Yuzuru stays silent. He lifts his head up and looks to the sky and closes his eyes. The scene at the beginning of the chapter plays. Then, darkness and we hear the voice of a young boy echoing in the mind of Yuzuru)
Young Voice: One day, I’ll be a champion! Just like you!
Yuzu opens his eyes, and looks at Yarai with a determined look
Yuzu: I’m in
Yarai and Miura grin and begin to walk away
Yarai: Keep an eye on your phones. I’ll give you a call when the boss is ready to see you.  I look forward to when I can fight you both. I can guarantee the girls are itching to see what you are made of as well Hana.
We waved goodbye to Yarai and Miura. It took a lot to not just scream into the air like a bunch of idiots. But we had finally made it… We headed home, only imagining where this winding road would lead us. But one thing was certain, we would take this opportunity with open arms and never ever let go.
Cut to Yarai, he is in a car along with Miura. He takes out his phone dials out and holds it to his ear. The shot changes to an office, dimly lit office covered by the orange glow of the setting sun. A figure is stood at the window looking outwards. He picks up his mobile phone
Shrouded Figure: How’d it go?
Yarai: They’ll be there
Shrouded Figure: …good work (hangs up)
The figure flips his phone closed and holds it in his hand. He looks down at a file with Yuzuru’s image next to it on his desk
Shrouded Figure: Yamato, eh? Let’s see what kind of legacy he left you.

7
Develop Your Story / Re: Hikari's Random Gallery of crappy ideas
« on: March 14, 2018, 10:53:07 AM »
Back at it again. Aight so Jump’ll prolly do another international comp and I wanna enter. Last time I posted about it I got “maybe next year” so here goes. I’m gonna post this on my library topic so that it’s easy for anyone who’s interested to see my works. Right now all of them listed will only have the synopsis and nothing else but I’ll upload some chapters. I’m fully open for critique, give me anything no matter how harsh as long as I can improve it. I’ve been on this site since 2012 and have only ever talked about doing it, I’m sick of waiting around. If anyone is interested lemme know. To everyone else thanks for reading and have a nice day

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MR Pub / Re: KagePen
« on: January 16, 2018, 05:49:54 PM »
@Hasith we don’t know much more than the cause of death but don’t really feel it’d be respectful to post it. It was posted by his brother

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MR Pub / KagePen
« on: January 15, 2018, 10:43:35 PM »
Hi guys

NET have some unfortunate news for you. Kage or as his full username KagePen has passed away. I can not divulge any details as we ourselves only know parts of it all. We were informed by former MR member Maihime that Kage’s brother posted about his passing on Facebook. We were shocked and at first thought of it as a sick prank but were later told the sad truth. Kage was a dear friend to us here at NET, someone we have been close to for 5 years so it took a little time for us to be able to post this however we know that Kage had friends on this site and we wanted to inform those people as well. Though it’s a tough time we will strive to grow and achieve what we set out to achieve when forming our small MR branch family in his memory. Kage we will never forget you, thank you for pushing us forward... see you later rival.

Thank you everyone

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General Manga writer discussions / Re: New to writing
« on: October 09, 2017, 11:30:53 AM »
The main thing is to end a chapter where you feel is best. I used to make chapters about 5 pages long as it felt like the right length but it really depends on what you wanna do with the chapter.

Think of what you want to cover in the chapter, what purpose you are making it for. There’s no set amount you have to do for a chapter or even the series itself.

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Manga Writer workshop / Re: What is the format/medium of a manga story?
« on: September 23, 2017, 09:25:40 PM »
Id suggest starting with either a script or a novel formatted chapter. Once you have that you can start up a “Name” which is the storyboard. In this you can plan out your panels as well as do some basic sketches of the characters with their speech bubbles. There is a topic called “Storyboards for beginners” made by a guy called KagePen that might help if you are unsure on the whole storyboard thingy.

After that it’s the manuscript. This is your final draft that will have fully detailed characters and backgrounds. Actual mangaka use this method so that they can show the editor their work before they get it all set up, this allows changes to be made if necessary.

Hope all that made sense. Good luck ;)

P.S If you’ve got the time, look up a manga (anime if you want) called Bakuman. It goes into a lot of detail in the first few episodes about how a manga is made... and it’s a really good show to boot

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Develop Your Story / Re: Emperor's War Zone (EWZ)
« on: September 17, 2017, 02:18:07 PM »
Aight, so Ill cover a few characters in this post and add in details on the company. I'm holding back on some characters because they appear later in the series and don't really have much impact until they debut.

Characters:

Kamui Eiji
CEO of EWZ and owner of the War Zone Dojo

Yamato Yuzuru
Rookie, Light Heavyweight, Protagonist

Ichiro Sakurai
Rookie, Cruiserweight, Childhood friend of Yuzuru

Koizumi Hana
Rookie, Childhood friend of Yuzuru

"Tetsujin" Misawa
World Champion, Veteran, Heavyweight

Yarai
Freelancer, Light Heavyweight

Narukami
Rookie, Heavyweight

Ray Angelo
Submission Specialist, Heavyweight, Intercontinental Champion

Chaos
Heavyweight, Heavyweight Champion

Kenji
Light Heavyweight, Light Heavyweight Champion

Kage
Cruiserweight, Cruiserweight Champion

Project Dragon Slayer
Women's World Champion

Yin
Women's Intercontinental Champion

Kuroko
Member of the KO Brothers, Tag Team Champion

Shiroko
Member of the KO Brothers, Tag Team Champion

Sakamoto Haruka
Daughter of major shareholder, Women's Tag Team Champion

Naito Aki
Aide of Haruka, Women's Tag Team Champion

So those are just a few of the characters. Left out the movesets because I doubt anyone really cares (you would most likely have to look em up to know what they looked like). The titles are set into 3 tiers for the men and 2 for the women. Weight titles are the lowest but it means that newer talent can gain them easier. The Intercontinental Championships are the second tier, they are for upper mid card talent. The world titles go to the best in the promotion at that time, the main Eventers. The tag titles are completely separate from the others as you obviously can't win them on your own

EWZ isn't the only wrestling company in the story, Kamui's EWZ has to deal with countless rivals with there being 2 other promotions in the area (Ultimo Lucha Wrestling & Japanese Championship Pro Wrestling).

I shall add more details soon, it'll probs be more characters and details but the first chapter is being worked on currently so I'll have that up when I can

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Manga Writer workshop / Re: Characterisation
« on: September 17, 2017, 01:56:54 PM »
Thanks for the reply. I seem to do something similar in which I have a role that I need to fill and try to build a strong character into it. I think what I struggle the most with is showing off how the character's role, their surrounding or the people they met change them

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Manga Writer workshop / Characterisation
« on: September 16, 2017, 04:11:35 PM »
So one of my biggest weaknesses in my series' is that my characters don't have personality. Not sure if anyone else has the same problem but I find it difficult to really make a character unique personality wise. How do you guys work through this? Is there a load of questions you go through for different situations to see how your character would react? Or is it something completely different?

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Develop Your Story / Emperor's War Zone (EWZ)
« on: September 15, 2017, 11:43:19 PM »
EWZ is about a wrestler by the name of Yuzuru. He is a rookie who aims for the top prize in the biggest company in Japan EWZ. He is joined by fellow rookies Sakurai and Hana, his childhood friends who share similar goals. Throughout the story there will be many colourful characters ranging from a freelancer to the greatest wrestler in the world). There are many different types of matches and styles such as Japanese strong style, Lucha Libre, British Technical style as well as many references to legends of the industry such as: Antonio Inoki, Mitsuhara Misawa, Kenta Kobashi, Los Guerreros (Eddie in particular) and many more. Follow me into the light, the crowds, the soaring highs, the darkest lows... and through the twisted past that made Yuzuru who he is

I have around 30 characters planned out with personalities, movesets, connections and their role in EWZ. I shall upload these with their moveset, weight class as well as other information on the company in due time


As you can probably tell I'm a huge fan of wrestling (in 1% I had references to Finn Balor's Demon King persona, Seth Rollins' Kingslayer gimmick as well as naming Keith O'Reilly after ReDragon's Kyle O'Reilly) so I'm hoping that my passion and knowledge will transfer through to make a top notch read and one hell of a thrill ride


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