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Video / PC Games / Re: What is your favorite fight game?
« on: September 28, 2010, 02:56:54 PM »
I'm a Pure, Die Hard, Hardcore King Of Fighters Fan!^^ Nothing more!!!^^
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Everything is nicely 'inkish' Your sister has a good style. I especially like the black and white ones, the shading looks really worked on.
The last one was good too :] I think she could move the placement of the facial features on a few of the characters, though. Like the one with the black hair: she should shift everything upwards just a little bit, or change the position his head is angled. It looks a little funny to me. I think the one in the middle with the hair over his eye is Chris, right? He looks great He's my favorite based on appearance in the picture. And if you add anything new soon I'd be happy to add my input! ^_^
The biggest critique I have is with the hair of some characters. It's alright to fill in a darker hair color but the scratchy hair fills make it look messy. Your sister can greatly improve this by having a few stroke lines to indicate direction and then a solid and consistent pencil-filled shading with light reflections to give the drawing a much cleaner look.
The character designs are great though. They each have personality and style. =)
Lego already hit up many of the points that I was thinking of so I won't go into those.
There are really two things that I would like to say:
1) The way you have it written makes it difficult for us to grasp what is going on. The script/manuscript style is really good for when you begin actual production of the pages but it makes it difficult for us to grasp what is going on because our train of thought is broken each time we have to read a name to figure out what's going on. Even worse is that we have to think of a "voice" that the character would have as they speak. One key thing I encourage for writers is to make the reading more accessible by setting up a format that makes the reading easier on the eyes and the mind.
2) The writing is a bit confusing. I felt like many points (like the very beginning of the first) were infodumps that pretty much took away my energy even more.
The story itself has good grounding but as Lego said it seems that multiple chapters are grouped into one. You can improve the pacing and character development a lot better if you slowed down a little bit and gave us time to digest names and events occurring.
The comedic elements you have are pretty good and you have a great imagination. Just be sure to clearly explain your world to us so that we may enjoy it better.
As for your sister's artwork she has potential. It's great to read that your family is working on this story together and I would like to see you improve your skills together with us over time. =)
I kinda... can't read your story yet. =| lol Every time I start to read my mind wanders elsewhere. Give me until Friday. ^^;