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Topics - neka

Pages: [1]
Develop Your Story / WHITE SOUL (Rewritten)
« on: June 21, 2015, 10:35:00 PM »
(please leave advise and critics to help me better my writing. Thank you)

In the year 2039 after renouncing their positon to partake in the battle to rule as god of the spiral the Bulwatian Empire invaded section 90 also called ever blue. There they carved fear into human hearts. They are among 10 of the strongest empires that rule this side of the galaxy. However with the death of Ramone’s wife on their previous home planet things now took a turn for the worst. Upon arriving on ever blue the empire is thrown into chaos as the king 'maxium' is slain, now everyone is trying to find the killer. Ramone's brother jean, the new king receives their father’s last orders only he could decipher but before he could make his move the killer started striking the royal family down one by one.  Jean manages to save two royals, his son (ryoshin) and younger sister (jade). Ryoshin is now the new heir to the throne but he has yet to be crowned. Was it because the former king renounced his position in the contest and Will ryoshin survive long enough to bring justice to his kingdom...?


Car’s pass by on the street as the sun steadily climbs into the sky. Ryoshins all dressed for school looks for master rin around the house.

“Old man...”   he calls as he spots rin by the doorway basking in the sun while having tea.

“Hmm...”  He looks over his shoulder to see ryoshin all dressed angrily he rushes towards him drawing his sword.  “You bastard! You’re leaving for school! With whose permission?”

“Ehh!! Oi! Oi! Hey!” he yells steps back

“Have you forgotten?”  Rin flash stepped under him and placed his sword to his neck.

“Practice!” he looks him in the eye and realizes. With no time to waste he jumped back. Rin was seriously mad. He pushed his hover board aside and dropped his bag.
“well  well old man! Do your worst.” He smirks “That's if you catch me before I get you. Give me four minutes.”

“If you beat me I’ll let you change your shirt as honor” he smiles and strikes a defensive pose.

“Shirt! Sounds like you underrate…!” ryoshin looks down laughing but is shocked. His 3 piece uniform had two long slices through and through. (“The hell!! I didn’t even see that!”) He thought to himself.
“Hey master rin… This is just practice right”. He began putting on his fore arm guards since he’d be the one attacking this time. The guards fitted like gloves up to his elbows, they were equipped with jade spiked essence to help him tackle and stop rins sword.

“Looks like you're having trouble keeping track” Ryoshin tries to taunt rin into letting his guard down as he zooms around the room at high speed.

“You’re quite talkative today aren't you” says rin standings with his eyes closed.

“Is that so?”  Ryoshin says while glaring at him. He jumps off the wall and changes position while midair. SPEED PISTOL!!

“You’ve gotten stronger, not bad” Rin blocks with his sword but gets pushed back. “But let’s kick it up a notch.”  He begins to open the first eye of his agbara orison as energy surge through him. ”shishen release!!”

“Since you asked for it.” He increases his speed.

“I can still see you.” Rin sighs “see this is why you should not skip practice! It’s not even worth striking defensives poses.”

“Now let’s try that new move. WIND CYCLONE!”  Ryoshin encircles rin leaving him in a vortex.

“Impressive, but you’ll need more than some speed to stop me.” 
Ryoshin suddenly blitz towards rin planning a melee attack “NOW GO DOWN AND STAY DOWN!!!”

“hey hey hey now, that’s dangerous. Someone could get hurt” rin stated as he did a 180 turn and slammed his heel into royshins face sending him crashing into the wall.

Ryoshin jumps up glaring at him “I thought you said this was a practice match! You almost broke my jaw!”
Rin, aiming for his face rushes over to him but instead drives the sword through the wall barely missing his ear “do you think the ones after your head will pity you?” With a smile he said “don’t ever miss practice again.”

“You old geezer! Fine I won’t.”

“I told you to stop calling me that” rin slaps him behind his head.
“Well then, you better get going or you'll be late.” He said as he sat back down to drink his tea.

“Yeah!”  He runs over and grabs his bag and hover board.” see ya! Oh tell lady jade I said bye.”

Rin smiles waving as he watches ryoshin leave. “Your parents would be so proud of how much you've grown.”

ryoshin glided along the side walk, thinking about some memories of his past, something seemed out of place. Suddenly he heard a familiar voice.

“hey~! Ryoshin! Good morning”

“Um?” he looks over and sees blaze outside her house. “Hey blaze! Come on lets go.”

“Wait up!” she calls as hes not stopping.
 He spins around a light pole nearby so she can catch up.
“Did you call aoi?” she asked

“*censored* I forgot!” he tapped the nuro connector on his arm which brought up a transparent screen only he could see. “Call aoi!”
 “Hey sleeping beauty we're passing by now. Get out here already!”

Aoi sprinted out the door as his mom scolds him for always eating on the run. “We’re late so let go hyper speed.”   They change gears racing each other to school, blaze arrives first just as announcements start. For security purposes they got scanned and signed in via blood sample, a prick to the finger was good enough and their DNA was analyzed.

“Yes we made it! You guys are slow as always, well see you guys at lunch” she runs off to catch spirit training class.

“Yeah!” replied ryoshin, “ok blaze!” yelled aoi
The two headed to their class aka sanction level 4, a higher grade than blaze. The school had one purpose only, providing that the students and family would live under the grace of the Bulwatians you’d become a faithful servant. Selected nobles taught at the school and the privilege was rather hard to resist. Some accepted freely others were forced however the situation was still a win win for both sides. After you graduated depending on your skill level you’d be place to work for the empire/nobles or to fight in their army conquering further land.
Those who didn’t develop a skill … well they served in helping the others train.

They continued walking and taking in the different expressions shown.
“Aoi I brought the paint you asked for!” shouted damani

“Yo damani! Thanks!  Hey ryoshin! See you at lunch ok!”

“Yeah...” ryoshin slowly walks to his class, after aoi’s class.

For the morning secession they reviewed Bulwatian history and learn of the 12 agbara orisons. A technique only known to bulwatians but humans is being tested, more to say their being forced to evolve.

The days Lunch was being announced as students left their classes for lunch break. Aoi, blaze and ryoshin met up. After getting lunch they headed to the roof top to relax on the long cushioned benches overlooking the city.

“haaaa haaaa”  blaze burst out laughing. “Now you're just lying!”

“No I’m serious.” Said aoi

Ryoshin flops back on the bench gazing into the sky thinking about the memories that keep flashing in his mind. His father’s voice telling him something important.
“Ryoshin... ryoshin...” blaze called softly as she hung her face over his.

He was so startled he fell off the bench hitting his head. “Ow oww. What we're you doing so close up?!” he yelled franticly while blushing.

“Ohh.”  She smiled “well you weren't listening to us. So what were you thinking about?”

“Oh no... No... It was the clouds! Yeah. Cloud gazing again” he replied.
“The clouds?!”  Aoi and blaze looks up only to see a dog shaped cloud, they started laughing.
“You’re weird as ever you know!” she said
“Well at least he wasn’t lying. Look there’s a fish!”

Before they could indulge anymore in their cloud gazing activity announcements began ringing in on everyone’s nuro connector informing them that lunch period was over.

“Hey are you ready?” asked aoi as they got ready to go home

“Um... I'm heading to the park. So you guys go home without me.” Ryoshin blurted out.

“Oook! Come on blaze lets go.” Aoi said excited that he’d be seeing blaze home by himself.

“Have fun OK.” Blaze runs happily over and hugs ryoshin with a smile.

“Ye... yeah” he said as his eyes shone with delight.

Blaze grabs her board gliding along to catch up to aoi who’s at the gate. As they leave ryoshin then heads to the park, he rubs the spot where blaze’s head was. “Blaze... She hugged me...” he thought feeling all flustered.
“O! I gotta beat 5:00 or the hover park will close.” Scratching his head hysterically as he realized he had only half an hour. “Hmm. The shortest route? Which road should I take?” he questioned the two hover skydrop path across from the school before him. He decided to take the left skydrop path –the Gideon.
He dropped his board and off he was, no time to waste. The path started with a suction tube taking the rider and board up then down a steep 10 ft. vertical drop and into one of the 5 different designated spiral tubes below you’d then exit into an elite training mine field. Having to traverse the plain without stopping while dodging/defending against whatever obstacles popped up was the usually training most soldiers were subjected to on the Gideon.
He exists the field and glides to a vertical tube within his sights, it was labelled park ____. Stepping under it he was sent up to the park floating above, it had a normal course for hover users nothing extreme but ryoshin enjoyed the team vs. team matches. They got their fair share of wins and beatings from each other. After the match he sat under a tree and opened up a box of juice he bought at the café there.

“Rizel my lord” something wet licks his ear “I’m lonely without you” he suddenly felt a strong grip on his shoulder.

“Uh?! Who...” he said turning to see a half-naked woman smiling devilishly at him.

“Prince Rizel Ryoshin!, that face of yours, yes more show me your fears!”

“YOU!! He sent you didn't he!”  He said nervously and afraid

“We meet again!” she said stroking his hair.

                                      END OF CHAPTER ONE

Ryoshin drops his juice as Skyler went into the trees shadow on one side and popped out on the other side. He pushed her hand away and stumbled as he tried to grab his bag and board while running.

“heee heee heee leaving already!” she goes back into the tree's shadow and pops out of a light post shadow in front of ryoshin.

He halted in his panicked state and tries to catch his breath, as he calmed his mind and went back to being focused he thought of rin’s words that morning, (“do you think the ones after your head will pity you?”) 
He smirked and looked her in the eye “I will not be killed.” Those were bold words coming from a guy whose knees were shaking like crazy.
("I need to get my bag! Can’t let them have any information on me") he thought to himself. He didn’t know the enemy’s skills, but he could sense the murderous energy flowing around her. He didn’t have time to think about being cautious he had to wing it and run, she was strong. Their little commotion had already sent people running to get out of the park. He started zooming towards the exit with his bag alone this time.

“Hm my my you’re tempting me so much. Haaaa! We’ll play until I get tired. Let’s see how fast you can run! MY PREY!” she stand still, not even bothering to chase him.

("If I make it back to the house, I'll be safe. The old man's there”) his focus was to get home before she caught up to him but an eerie voice croaked in his head calling his name over and over, louder and louder.

“It seems you forgotten when I ripped your fathers heart out. You can’t run away shin shin!”
 Skyler had already casted an illusion bubble on the park, those out couldn’t get in and those in couldn’t get out. She then casted a shadow carpet covering the entire park floor. The shadow carpet sucked in every one it came into contact with crushing them but for ryoshin she sent shadow arms to grab him. He managed to dodge her as he couldn’t find the exit to leave however
Still gets caught.

“damnit!! I’m not fast enough!!  He muttered while being dragged back.

Skyler dragged him back lightning fast slamming him to the ground causing 4 ribs to fracture and one punctured his right lung. As the people inside screamed in anguish the people outside began to panic.
“Now then. Paralysis sounds good, so you don't go running again. You bore me” she said while grinning.

He lies on the ground reeking with pain as she tightens her grip on his neck while sitting on his abdomen. The bandages across his lower face was being drenched by the blood he was coughing up.
She began motioning her other arm to stab him with a shadow snake wrapping around it.
Ryoshin realizes he’s out of options, there’s no way for him to contact rin or jade, he was gonna die. He was gonna die. He screamed on the inside as her hand neared his face ("nooo...Stop!") (Nooo... no! no! no~!)

 “PRINCE RAMONE! I have an urgent report.” Yelled a royal guard as he ran to Ramones room and knelt.                     

“Yes, come in! What is it this time? Is that abominable group trying to
Revolt again?” he asked as he sipped on some tea being served.

“No sir! We found him!” the servant looked up saying

“what did you say?!” Ramone choked on the tea he was drinking
“we’ve found him! Prince Ryoshin.” The servant smiled “Our king! We await your orders sir!”

Ramone slammed his hand on the table in anger as he mutter to himself ("That fool eragon! What was he doing?! He was supposed to kill him before Donovan found him!")

“Sir?!” called the servant as he was confused by Ramones actions.

“Yes! Yes!” Ramone said facing the servant with teary eyes. “I'm just so excited! My nephew is safe! Prepare my ship, we leave at once!”

“YE...YES SIR! At once! Should I inform the others?

“NO!  Ah... I want to meet him first and talk with him a little before they do. It’s been so long.” He said looking up at the roof. “He's the only family I have left...”

“My lord… YES SIR!” he runs of to get Ramones transport ready.

“Lets see if he's as stubborn as his father” Ramone grins as he leaves his room.

“NOO~! Like I’d let myself be done in by the likes of you!!” he yelled at her while telling himself he won’t die. Skyler halts her attack for the moment.

“Haaaa! All you're good at is dodging and running!! But it’s fun watching your pitiful face.” She laughs as she tries to stab him.

Ryoshin knows saying he’ll live and living at that moment wasn’t an easy task. He was still slow and she had outwitted his every move by now.
(“i can do this, come on focus damnit!”) He opened his eyes and saw the parks blue with tinted pink floor below him, he started looking around only to see he was inches away from Skyler. He inspected his head frantically to make sure he wasn’t injured. He wasn’t but in fact he had done something on a whole new level. Two seconds before her attack his body was vibrating so fast that he became intangible.
“I...I did it! Like the old man taught me, he said it’d come in handy one day. Now I gotta get outta here!  He accelerates and leaned over to grab his bag.

“not so fast boy” she said standing over him as she pulled a sword from her shadow.

Ryoshin eyes widened as he saw the inescapable doom before him “BANG”
An armored royal guard appeared between the two stopping the assault. 

“How dare you vile Creature raise your hands against the prince!” said Donovon the guard as he pushed her back.

("A fool showed up. Who's he?) She searched her memory while standing there in silence

“My lord. Please escape to a safe distance. Prince Ramone is on his way. I can't let anything happen to you!” said the donovon

“prin... Ramone that bastard!” he yelled in anger. “Thanks for helping me but I've gotta see hell before I go back there!!” said ryoshin

“I see… he’s on his way.” ("Sheesh donovon caught up to me too fast) “I'll retreat for now” she said as she vanished into the shadows.

Ryoshin starts running, gradually picking up speed as he hurried home. “Ugh” he felt a jolting pain down his left arm.

“Bastard!!” donovon charges after the fading Skyler. “Ah..! My Lord please wait!” he began chasing after ryoshin. ("he's Sure gotten fast”)

Ryoshin blitz across the transport lines to get to another island floating above—to Jericho or junction 65. With donovon hot on his trail, he felt he’d seen enough action for the day, he was running like death itself was after him. He got to a hedge orchids and jumped over and into a thick forest of trees, some of the few things that remained natural on ever blue. Beyond the forest was a normal plain land as far as the eyes could see. He stopped about quarter way into the field, placed his hands on something invisible and walked through.
Donovon follows his precisely and places his hands too. “I see, so it’s a barrier. Smart idea and it’s a strong one too.

Ryoshin staggers on to the front door but decides to look back. He sees donovon outside examining the barrier. Being so startled ryoshin almost sprang back to life. “He followed me all the way here?! No way! Give me a break!  He's different from Royal guards!”
“Old man! Master Rin! Rin~!” he cried Stepping back.

Rin casually steps outside. “what’s all the noise about? You..!” rin notices the guard and realizes who he might be. With the use of telepathy he calls out to him. (“donovon!?")

Jade then rushes outside after hearing ryoshin yelling for rin. She thought they might be at it again. After all boys will be boys. “can't you men ever get along without fight..!” she gasped in shock after seeing a royal guard, then she realizes its donovon ("what are you doing here?) she asked through telepathy.

He stood outside wondering who were these people and how did they know him. More importantly were they hiding the prince all this time?! The two individuals went outside to confront him, both looked about 50-60 but they were in good health. He notices their swords, as he recalls in his memory lady jade and lord rin had identical swords. They clashed with each other but not serious enough, he took a glimpse of her eyes and without a doubt knew it was lady jade therefore the man had to be lord rin.
(“So you weren’t dead after all”) he said to her.
("I'm sorry donovon but we can't let him have ryoshin! The inheritance his father didn't want is what killed him and my family!)

("The inheritance?! Then what exactly is the inheritance if it killed the family. Just what the hell is going on?”) he asked her.

(“leave now! Ramone is on his way! And if you say a word to anyone!") Rin warned him about keeping their presence a secret.

("I won’t my lord. As it is the kingdom is suffering, the gentle had your father tried to rule with was vanquished now only fear drives the people to obey. Ramone has changed, we’d all like to know what happened someday. I’ve never seen him smile since then… Please take care of the Prince") he starts jumping back away from them as he heads back to the park to meet prince Ramone.  (We will need him in The future")

“He's getting away!” yelled ryoshin, rin and jade both attack him but not to kill.

“To be safe we'll have to relocate.” Rin said as he and jade locked eyes.

“GWAAA!” ryoshin suddenly collapses in pain clutching his arm while rolling from side to side.
“Ryoshin!” they both jump back inside the barrier and to his side.

“Calm down and tell us what’s wrong!” rin told him

“My.. AR..Arm!” ryoshin said with the last bit of strength he could muster before losing consciousness.

“Your arm!” she rips his shirt sleeve to find a wound and vine like black marking spread to his body from his shoulder. ”damn. Eragon! It’s his magic. Get him inside now!”

                 END OF CHAPTER 2.


Ramone sat looking out the window of his car as he remembers a meeting he had with his brother jean when they were younger.
he walks into the garden and sees two young children running around playing. His brother jean spots him and walks over to greet him with a smile.

“Ramone! It’s so good to see you. How are you?” asked jean

“it’s good to see you too Jean. I've never been better!” he chuckled and smiled a hearty smile

“uncle! Uncle!” ryoshin and one of his younger sister’s snow were excited to see their uncle.

“Ohh!”  He peeked over jeans shoulder to see them running towards him. 
“Well look who it is! Two of my favorite people.” He squatted with his arms wide open and hugged them tightly.

“Play a game with us!” they said while tugging on his arms.

“Not now but later I will. OK!” he patted them on the head knowing they were likely disappointed.

“OOK~!” they said.

“Now go play you two.” Said jean as he and Ramone waved goodbye.

The children ran to their mother who was holding their baby sister Nettie.
“Mom! Let’s go play.”

“alright alright. Snow, ryoshin say goodbye to uncle Ramone.”  She said as she put little Nettie down so she could catch some action too.

“Bye uncle Ramone!” they said as they held the baby’s hand so she could stand up.
(on planet valera before they landed on ever-blue)

Jean and Ramone head into the house and into jeans office.
“Ah! Come in remi~!” jean said with a smile

“Brother you know I don't like that name.” 

“It still suits you. Now let’s get down to business.” Jean laughed and then sat at his desk

“Right. The proposal by the insurgent force, do you still intend to go forth with it?” Ramone asked with a serious face.

“Yes, of course! As the commander of the royal army and a prince I have to do what’s best for my people. After all he gave me orders to clear things up immediately. He wants peace for both sides but he’s too rough in the way he goes about it. He just ends up being feared so I choose my way in doing things.” Jean sighed as he leans back in his chair.
“Sometimes I think he ask too much.”

“Not at all. He just wants you to be able to manage the kingdom as a better king when you take the throne.” Said Ramone.

“Wise as always. Thank you brother.” Jean politely said looking through some documents on a transparent pad before him.

“But still are you sure this is the only way? What if it’s a trap?” Ramone sat back crossing his finger in his lap.

“Then I risk it. It’s about time we ended these wars. A peace treaty is only fair. It’s hard for us because we feel belittle by these valerans every time we help them, but don’t forget our father was a tyrant once and that was the first image imprinted in their minds. That is not something so easily removed. The first thing he did was to conquer the people, the only darn way he knows to convey a message is through brute force. Just like dealing with a new baby, you need to be gentle and patient to put up with its lack of understanding. If he know that we wouldn’t be doing all this work now.

“Hmm..? You’re worried about injustice it seems. This is new” Ramone smirked.
“Why should we even put up with this? Lowering our heads to their level, it’s a disgrace.”

“Think about it remi. A rebellion has already started and our army is holding its own. Despite our stern ruling and teachings each day more and more valerans are joining the JAB WARRIORS force. At this rate it’s only a matter of time before we kill off this damn race.” Jean emphasized

“............” Ramone sat their pondering on what his brother had said. They wanted to change the way others viewed the Bulwatians especially their empire and it was so the next generation wouldn’t grow up fight a life of war.

“And just like 10 years ago history will repeat itself and this planet will die too, also we'll be moving again. Ever-blue should be a good place to start over since Father will grow tired of this land. But then again you don't want to leave Maya now do you” jean was looking at a virtual projection of ever-blue when his eyes locked unto Ramones.
“No need to worry. She’s traveled form her planet many times to visit you, I suppose she can come with us then If she’s proven herself worthy to wear the Bulwatian name”
“Back to the point. Now understand this remi, when people have something they want to protect they’ll fight knowing they can't win, even to the point of death.” Jean smiles “I’ve begun to understand fathers dream, I dare say I’ve seen him smiling at their resilience a few times, when I asked him what he found amusing he said Their eyes tell of an unbreakable amazing soul while we are nothing more than mere shells” he suddenly starts laughing at Ramones puzzled face. “You’ll understand in time” 
“you've got a strong point there... and always its left up to us to oversee that things run smoothly here.” Said Ramone as they both sipped on some vruit juice. 

“Indeed!” replied jean

“Alright then. I’ll have my assistance write up the agreement and set a meeting for you with the counsel so it can be made clear. Then we'll decide how to arrange the meeting with the head of the JAB WARRIORS. SIR!

“That’s great remi. I knew I could count on you. And come on, what’s with the formalities.” Jean said as he laughed

Ramone laughing when suddenly jeans nuro connector on his arm began vibrating. A transparent green screen projected in front of him showing that ryoshin and snow were calling.

“Oh, excuse me for a minute remi.” He said as he connected the call

“sure thing” said Ramone

“yess~ my sweetheart~!” jean said answering the call with a smile brighter than a summer day.

“UNCLE RAMONE~! When are you gonna play with us!?” they were so loud that jean and Ramones ears were ringing.             

“EHHH!?”  Jean hadn’t expected the children to be calling for that and in truth they had gotten lost in their work.

“You prom~wiced!” they kept yelling
“children, children please calm down.” Jean said as he tried to hide his embarrassment with a smile.

“Father, please put our uncle on!” said snow in her demanding but cute voice.

(“GYAA! They totally don’t care that I’m here”) he thought. Feels rejected he downed his head while joining the call with Ramones nuro connector. “It’s for you.”

Ramone accepts the call and calms the children down. “Now, have I ever broken a promise?”

“Well nooo..... So you'll come then!” they said wiping their eyes. Without even giving him a chance to reply. “Alright! We’re waiting in the garden and bye dad.” They said as they hung up.

“Guess this means our talk is over. Duty calls!” Ramone said as he disconnected his connector from jeans.

“There’s no helping it when it’s those two. You better hurry before you get scolded for being late.” Jean said as he rocked back in his chair laughing.

“EE!! You’re right. Bye big brother” Ramone said as he ran off to play.

“Thanks Ramone~!” jean yelled

Ramone rubs the spot where his left eye use to be, altho his eye was healed but the scar across his face still remained. It was more like a memento. At this point he was landing in the park, as he looked out the window he could see the scores of either dead or injured.

“Was one weasel that hard to catch, you sure made a mess eragon” he muttered to himself.
“They’re just commoners anyway” he said with a smirks.
“Seal off the area and start a cleanup. Are there any witnesses?” he gave orders as he stepped out his car and into the park.
“Yes sir a few.” Said one solider

“Kill them!” replied Ramone

“sir are you sure?” the solider questioned his order.

“EHH. Has it ever mattered to us if one f**king worm die!” he said with the look of pure evil in his eye.

“But sir… With respect my lord, it’s not necessary.”

“OI! SHUT UP! FOOL STOP, HE'LL KILL YOU!” yelled another solider further back.

He looked at the others in confusion, they looked scared for some reason. “EH?” he looked back at Ramone only to see him coming his way.

“So you're a newbie uh! Guess they haven't told you then.” Ramone grinned with anger as he stepped towards him.

“Sir I meant no....!” he said as he felt Ramones energy getting stronger.

“Shoot yourself!” Ramone said as he faced him sideways.

“wha..What’s going on?” his hand began moving on its own, and was reaching for his gun.
(‘‘I can’t control my body'') he thought. He grabbed his gun and placed it against on his forehead.

Ramone looks over at him as his laughter sent chills up the other solider spines.

“Please... nooo!” he yelled but it was too late.

“BANG!” yelled Ramone as the bullet made of toxins from their planets most deadly animals ripped through his brain. He was paralyzed with a numbing effect taking over he was sure to die a slow but painless death.

“Fool I told him to keep quiet.” One solider muttered.

“Take his body back to the lab. We might still be able to use him.” Ramone said with a smirk
“And you've finally arrived eh.” He said as the royal guard Donavon appeared.

“Sorry to keep you waiting. My lord.” Donavon says as he slowly drops from the sky and kneels.

“The results of your mission?!” Ramone grins with delight. “Let’s talk inside. Come along!”

                                                     END OF CHAPTER 3..

(About 4 days have passed since the park incident)

“damn you Ramone! Damn you!” she sobs softly while looking at ryoshin who is now in a stabilizing capsule. She angrily storms out of the room after deciding that they’ve been running long enough and she almost lost ryoshin this time around. She pulled a necklace out of her top and tugged it off slowly transforming into her real self.

Rin rushes behind her and grabs her arm as he pulls of his necklace with the other arm.
“J stop! This is not the time to go on a rampage! He needs us right now God dammit!”

She calms down and relaxes a bit.

He pulls her back from the door and pushes her against the wall.
“What the hell were you planning!? Do you honestly expect to waltz in there and have that piece of sh*t hand you the antidote? Like hell he would!”

She turns her head sideways knowing that rin is right.

He looks intently at her, it’s hard that she lost most of her family now she’s about to relive that horror again with ryoshin dying before her. He places one hand on her shoulder with a sigh and the other hand he uses to gently turn her face towards him. He puts his fore head against hers and smiles.
“Look.... you've gotta think of ryoshin no matter what. I know you'd tear his ship apart but then you'd be in an all-out battle with him. Do you think you'd get the antidote in time? Do you think he'd give you even if his life was on the line?

“ ...........” she stood silent

“This is Ramone we're talking about, he'd rather gut the poor kid like a fish than give him the throne.” He looks over at ryoshin knowing that they’ve got to hurry.
“Let’s call Dylan. He's the best chance we've got.”

“Is that a fact?” she asked ("I've failed them again") she thought.

“His heartbeat's faint but with the stabilizer and the life orb you made he'll be fine for now. Let’s just wait until Dylan gets here.” He walked back over to the doorway of royshins room.

She stood leant against the wall looking over at rin. “Humans really are a peculiar race. You may be Bulwatian but that human part of you is ever present.” She looks over at the wall in front of her. “Sorry rin but I can’t run away..... Not this time.”
“If we keep running I'll lose him too. So no I can’t stay but I'll call Dylan and ensure he does a good job. If he doesn't come in time, I'll come with the antidote. I promise”. She said and started walking towards the door.

“J!!” he yelled

“I'm sorry...” she extends her arm and uses airlock on him until he lost consciousness. She walked back over to him and placed his necklace back on and then walked outside.

“RELEASE!...”  she releases her seal revealing an  air symbol infused with jade on her forehead, connecting down her spine and to specially created jade orbs on her ankles, between her breast and wrist. She wore a brown and red battle suite designed by herself and group of outrageous scientist. She was the head of the upgraded weaponry department, which decided to infuse all weapons with different levels of harnessed jade energy. She even went so far she found a way to bind her wind and the energy to make her ultimate battle suite- “Battle maxia”.
“It’s been a while since I've worn you..."Battle Maxia"! Let’s slaughter em” she takes off to the sky laughing insanely.
She starts flying south but halts suddenly.
“Idiot! You don't have time to be flying around and searching.” She said to herself. She figured Ramone would be out looking for ryoshin since his minion didn’t kill him in the park, if he was out she could since him once he’s near. “Hmm... He’s not even within my range.” She said scanning the area around her.
“Ah! That’s right, I don’t need to search” she closed her eyes and slowly listened to wind carrying voices around, she was listening for her squad members. They were the easiest to find since she placed on them a seal that recognizes their energy. She found rebel, the second in command of the squad.

“So that’s where you’ve been all this time?” jade said as she connected an invisible line of air directly to the back of rebels head.

“YOO! What’s up? It’s not like you to contact me out of the blue.” rebel said with a smile

“The Squall’s have a mission” jade said

“Lady J...J...Jade! Finally some action, Lux reporting for duty!

“Oh right! I need you to locate Ramones ship.”

“Wait! Ehh! You’re not going to fight Ramone are you?! That's crazy. You guys will destroy the city.” “Weren’t we supposed to plan how we’d fight Ramone? He’s still important to us we can’t kill him.” Rebel was dead serious when she spoke.

“RYOSHIN'S DYING!! They poisoned him and it’s not something I can deal with. Its toxins from the 3 great beast and darkness spores, it’s slowly infesting his body. I’ve placed him in a customized rebirth capsule. Tell Dylan head over to our place then rendezvous with the squad.

“No...Way!”  She said in disbelief as she pulled her ring off transforming into her old self.
“Roger boss! I'm sending the coordinates to you now and I'll get the squad ready.” Said rebel.

“Roger that vice commander” jade said with a smile

“Gwaaaa” rin rolls over gasping for air.  He jumps and runs outside.
“J! J! JADE!” he called but feels something uneven below his feet. Looking down he saw pieces of cracked marble floor showing the spot she took flight from. “Dammit jade!”
*tap, tap, tap* in all the confusion he heard footsteps inside the house.

“So he's really that precious, is he?” asked a mysterious guys looking at ryoshin.

“Someone's inside the house!? Ryoshin!” rin blitz’s back to royshins room with his sword drawn. “How the hell did you get in here?” (“BANG”)

“Fool I'm not your enemy…” the man says as he puts up a surging energy shield with one arm. He extended his other arm towards ryoshin while releasing his technique on rin.
A light glows from his hand aging everything in its path.

“A master healer!? Who are you?” Rin says looking over at his arm now disintegrated.

“If you move any closer, you'll die. You’re thick sculled so I guess I’d better hurry” The man said

“Agbara Orison: 3rd release- Ken. Rise Amon, cross Innuendo” Rin said while splitting his sword in two.

“Now for you.” He said quickly looking back at ryoshin.

“Ramone sent you didn't him! For a healer it makes sense why you got in here, once there’s a life source you guys can flow with it like the wind.”
“And why would I ever work for that monster? Don’t mix my kind with the fallen.” He releases his technique on ryoshin and pulls up his shirt sleeve to reveal an emblem.
"VITA SPIKE" He pulled the black snake like vines from ryoshin and sent pure life energy into him. The black snake like vines were in a green transparent circular ball in his hand. As he absorbed it back into his hand a strip of his white hair turned black.   

“You! You’re from the sine qua non clan!” Rin stopped as his swords began cutting into the guy’s neck like scissors.

“There he's healed.” He said as the shield he put up earlier broke. “You’ve still got that insane strength? Good! Then protect him better, or train him so he won’t be a half assed wuss.”
“It’s a good thing I followed him around sometimes. So I guess we're even now.” The mysterious man turns to head out the house.
"Healed! Did he just say that" Rin sheath his sword and goes to check Ryoshins vitals.

"Ah! Sorry about your arm, you would have killed me if I didn’t do something. MORTE INVERSA" he went back to the room to heal Rin’s arm and heads outside.
“Tell her we're even now, she'll know who I am and give him about 5 minutes, he'll be new as ever.”

 “Wait! Are you…….?!”

“Oh, I thought she was too high and mighty to spread a peasant's name. Well I guess people change uh.” He laughs as he walks away while turning into mist.

“Ha~! Things turned out great!” he said feeling his worries slowly disappear.

“WAaAaA~! What the hell is this?!” ryoshin stood looking at his reflection in horror.

“Ryoshin! How are you!? Any pain!?” Rin runs over to inspect him but is shocked. “Your face! It’s different”

“What did you guys do!? The scars are gone. Is this what I look like now?” he inspected his face and upper body as if it was someone else’s.

“PHEW! As long as you’re better than before.” Rin pants him on his head.

“Well my arm doesn't hurt any more, that’s Jades good medicine for you.” He said giving Rin the thumbs up and a bold smile.

“A good old friend eh.” He said remembering the man with a smile.

“What are you talking about?” he looked at rin with an eyebrow raised.

“Ah! I need to contact J!” he sat on the floor harnessing his energy into string like projection and started searching for Jades energy.
“Hmm…” he connects with her energy telepathically talks to her.

“What is it rin? Is something wrong with ryoshin?!

“No he's fine!” he explained in detail everything that had happened.

“That piece of… And here I thought he was joking about keeping an eye on ryoshin out there.
Hold on a sec…”
“AIR SLICER!” she suddenly motioned her hand sending sickle shaped condensed air across the sky.

“What was that? Are you already fighting him?” He felt a sudden change in her energy.

“Is she OK?” Ryoshin asked as he was worried by Rin’s remarks.

“I'm fine. I just found Ramones ship. Rin its time.” She ended her chat with Rin to focus on the wreckage below.

“What’s that about?” he asked Rin when a broadcast message projected from his nuro connector warning citizens to stay away from 18th Island where a terrorist attack was going on.

“Look there’s a video” he said taping on it.  “It’s a woman! Hey isn’t that Jades sword she’s holding?! Wait, where did Jade say she was?” He looked over at Rin with a look of desperation on his face.
“Rin… Rin…”

Rin looked over at ryoshin in silence.

“Aren’t you gonna answer me. What if she’s hurt…? Fine I’ll go look for her myself, some husband you are uh.”

“The revolutionary army has begun their attack, striking the princes ship early this morning. I repeat…..”  Another message began resounding over and over on from the nuro connector.

“What do they mean she’s a revolutionist? Why are these idiots even attacking now?”

“It’s time you remembered everything!” Rin said grabbing Ryoshin by the shoulder

Jade stood on an air-platform looking down at Ramones ship through the smoke.

“KreAk! BAMM!!” the doors were knocked out as 5 rotating black sphere’s emerged and dispelled.
“Dying once wasn’t enough for you I see. Now how shall I kill you again, beloved sister of mine!!”

“I should be the one asking you that! Tsk damn dog!”

“Now now, is that any way to great your elder brother? Know your place child, you almost killed my guest. I don’t think I can pity you anymore.”  He said with a ferocious voice.
His guards brought forth three children who were inside the black spheres.

“My Lord! Are you alright?” Glinka stepped forward asking.

“BLAZE!? AOI!?.... What are you planning to do with the children!?” she gasped at the third child she recognized.
“NO THAT’S… SNO… SNOW!  RAMONE!!!!” she drew her sword and blitz down to Ramone.

“SHADOW BINDING! Humans are so fragile aren't they?” he used Skyler’s shadow ability to tightly wind around their bodies. He grinned at jade when she halted, he knew she’d have to abandon them or die trying to save them.
Skyler slowly crawled out of snow’s shadow placed her blade against her neck and licks her face.
“She’s been getting in the way of me and Ryoshin….. So have you.” Skyler smiled sadistically
Eragon appeared from Ramones shadow and placed his blade against Aoi’s neck.

Jade floated racking her brains for ideas, the squad was at least 5 minutes away. She had to do something.  "Not Good!!"


In doing a fight scene but I'm not sure if darkeness + clairvoyance is stronger than pure wind manipulation??

Develop Your Story / "WHITE SOUL"
« on: November 28, 2014, 11:05:58 PM »
Hi everyone I'm new here and a writer, i'm also looking for an artist to work along with. I did say unpaid but if we make money from this which I intend it will definitely be shared. The story is situated in a advanced technological , no mecha's or robots. Its genres are gore, horror, ecchi, romance, medium language, slice of life and fantasy. I am welcoming changes and new ideas so feel free to suggest and criticism is welcomed too. Thank you
also i like writing in dialogue form as long as i know how the chapter will start and end.
(here's a synopsis of it)

In the year 2039 the bulwatian empire invaded section 90 world 3 and carved fear into human hearts. They are among 10 of the strongest empires that rule this side of the galaxy. However upon arriving on world 3 the empire started to fall, the king 'maxium' is slain and his second son ramone is mad with rage! His father, the king blew  up planet NIM their previous home along with maya--ramone's wife. Ramone's  brother jean the next successor did nothing to stop their father.
As ramone lost hope and was blinded by grief he didn't Notice the kings inheritance taking him over, after all no one but the one who became king knew about it. And now he finally had the power to stop his father! The power to be king! The power to make those dogs bow before him!
 So ramone killed his father and anyone who'd stand against him including his brother. Jean did manage to save two persons, his son(ryoshin) and younger sister(jade)
Those two managed to escape from the royal ship to world three's lands below But they are still being hunted by ramone. Now ryoshin's Back is against the ropes, his best friend's Life's are in ramones hands, he's being framed for murder, almost died and his sensei is restoring His memories! What he sees... And while their fights rage on neither Of them know there's more to the inheritance than meets the eyes..


[car's passing by on the road] [ryoshin walks around the dojo looking for master rin]
RYOSHIN--[stands staring at the master rin] old man..
MASTER RIN--[turns around] hmm.... [starts raging towards ryoshin while drawing his sword]
MASTER RIN-- you bastard! you're leaving for school!
RYOSHIN-- [eyes widen] ehh!! oi! oi!
MASTER RIN-- [flash walk and appears besides him] have you forgotten?
RYOSHIN-- [realises and side eyes him][one hand in his pocket as he jumps back and lands on one knee] practice!
                     [pushes his hover board aside, drops his bag]
RYOSHIN-- well well old man! do your worst. [smirks] That's if you catch me before I get you. In four minute.
MASTER RIN-- [old man smiles and strikes a defensive pose]
RYOSHIN-- [zooms around the room at hyper speed] looks like you're having trouble keeping track
MASTER RIN-- [stands up straight] you're quite talkative today aren't you.
RYOSHIN-- [glares at him] is that so. [jumps off the wall an dodges while mid air] SPEED PISTOL!! [or speed kicks]
MASTER RIN-- [blocks with his sword but gets pushed back] you've gotten stronger not bad but lets kick it up a  notch. [power surge] ho~!!
RYOSHIN-- you asked for it. [increases speed]
MASTER RIN-- [smirks, thinks "i can still see you"]
RYOSHIN-- now lets try that new move. WIND CYCLONE!
MASTER RIN-- [thinks "smart bastard. i can't see him now. so i guess the finishing blow is next. he's gonna come charging in as always"]
RYOSHIN-- [melee attacks him] NOW GO DOWN AND STAY DOWN!!!
MASTER RIN-- [crashes into the wall] [jumps up] you twat are you trying to break my neck!! i want a rematch!
RYOSHIN-- you old geezer! you wanted to go all out, so take defeat like a man!!
MASTER RIN-- you're right, i lost.
RYOSHIN-- well that was easy [sarcastically]
MASTER RIN-- [laughs] well then, you better get going or you'll be late. [dusting himself off]
RYOSHIN-- yeah! [runs grabs his bag and board]  see ya! oh tell lady jade i said bye.
MASTER RIN-- [smiles] your parents would be so proud of how much you've grown.

RYOSHIN-- [gliding along the side walk, thinking]
BLAZE-- hey~! ryoshin!
RYOSHIN-- um?. [looks over] hey blaze! come on lets go.
BLAZE-- wait up!
RYOSHIN-- [spins around the light pole]
BLAZE-- did you call aoi?
RYOSHIN-- sh*t i forgot! call aoi! [his Nero linker on his arm pulls up a screen and starts dialling]
RYOSHIN-- hey sleeping beauty we're passing by now. get out here already!
AOI-- [jumps out the door with his mom yelling behind him as he gobbles down some toast] we're late so let go hyper speed.
            [HYPER SPEED]
            [arrive at school just as announcements start]
BLAZE-- yes we made it! well see you guys at lunch [runs off]
RYOSHIN-- yeah!
AOI-- ok blaze!
  [takes off their shoes and puts on a disposable soft shoes]
   [lots of talking as they wall down the halls]
DAMANI-- aoi i brought the paint you asked for!
AOI-- yo damani! thanks!  hey ryoshin! see you at lunch ok.
RYOSHIN-- yeah..
[preview of classes, teachers and that stuff] [lunch announcements] [they head to the roof for lunch]

AOI- haaaa haaa
BLAZE-- now you're just lying!
AOI-- no im serious.
RYOSHIN-- [having flashbacks]
BLAZE-- ryoshin... ryoshin..
RYOSHIN-- [startled, falls off the bench an hits hi head] ow ow oww. what we're you doing so close up?! [blushing]
BLAZE--ohh. you weren't listening to us. so what were you thinking about?
RYOSHIN-- [frantic] oh no.. no.. it was the clouds! yeah.
   [aoi and blaze looks up]
AOI AND BLAZE--  the clouds?!
TOGETHER-- [laugh]
BLAZE-- you're weird as ever you know!
   [back to classes again]

AOI-- [schools over and their changing shoes] hey are you ready?
RYOSHIN-- um.. I'm heading to the park. so you guys go home without me.
AOI-- oook! come on blaze lets go.
BLAZE-- [hugs ryoshin] have fun OK. [looks up and smiles at him]
RYOSHIN-- [shocked] ye.. yeah
BLAZE-- [runs off]
RYOSHIN-- [grabs his shirt] blaze.. she hugged me.. [blushes,smiles]. Damn! i have to beat 5:00 or the hover park  will close. [scratches his head hysterically]
    [drops his board,skates off] [goes up the levo transportation tubes for hover users,then down]
    [glides along the side walk to the park]
     [goes through a tactical obsticle course, then sits under a tree and opens up a box of juice he bought]
      [suddenly feels a hand on his shoulder]
RYOSHIN-- uh?! who.. [turning around]
SKYLER-- Prince Rizel or should i say Prince Ryoshin!
RYOSHIN-- [eyes widen looks up] YOU!! he sent you didn't he!
SKYLER-- we meet again! [grins, face hidden]

                                      END OF CHAPTER ONE


Manga Artists Wanted / [ collaboration ] Writer looking for an artist
« on: November 28, 2014, 09:59:28 AM »

Hi everyone I'm new here and a writer, i'm also looking for an artist to work along with. I did say unpaid but if we make money from this which I intend it will definitely be shared. The story is situated in a advanced technological , no mecha's or robots. Its genres are gore, horror, ecchi, romance, medium language, slice of life and fantasy. I am welcoming changes and new ideas so feel free to suggest and criticism is welcomed too. Thank you
(heres a synopsis of it)

In the year 2039 the bulwatian empire invaded section 90 world 3 and carved fear into human hearts. They are among 10 of the strongest empires that rule this side of the galaxy. However upon arriving on world 3 the empire started to fall, the king 'maxium' is slain and his second son ramone is mad with rage! His father, the king blew  up planet NIM their previous home along with maya--ramone's wife. Ramone's  brother jean the next successor did nothing to stop their father.
As ramone lost hope and was blinded by greif he didn't Notice the kings inheritance taking him over, after all no one but the one who became king knew about it. And now he finally had the power to stop his father! The power to be king! The power to make those dogs bow before him!
 So ramone killed his father and anyone who'd stand against him including his brother. Jean did manage to save two persons, his son(ryoshin) and younger sister(jade)
Those two managed to escape from the royal ship to world three's lands below But they are still being hunted by ramone. Now ryoshin's Back is against the ropes, his best friend's Life's are in ramones hands, hes being framed for murder, almost died and his sensei is restoring His memories! What he sees... And while their fights rage on neither Of them know there's more to the inheritance than meets the eyes..

Ive written 5 chapters so far and i'm on number 6.

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