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Topics - Peraso

Pages: [1]
Develop Your Story / Dulce Resonancia
« on: September 30, 2016, 03:11:23 PM »
Hello, community! I bring on to you a story I would rather want to experiment upon, mainly because of the genre. It is a new take for me so I would like to hear what you all think. I'd appreciate the support. Critics are always welcomed, enjoy the read and stay fancy, my friend.


The start of a new school year arises and an aspiring guitarist strides into Johnson High, home of the Knights, as an incoming Junior. As he had to move from his previous school due to an accident, Felix now has to adapt to his new school environment.

He is accompanied by his childhood friend, Anna. She is an artistic cellist from her school’s orchestra and will help Felix get by anything he needs her for. As they begin the school year they meet Zora and Shawn, an ingenious violinist and a proficient pianist from the same orchestra.

The journey for new talents to emerge will begin and all of them want a piece of it. They will strive with everything they can, even if some bonds have to be broken

Chapter 1

A morning rises over the head of an sluggish teen. The rays of light enter through a window and strike his face and opens his eyes. He immediately closes them up, for the light has startled him. He opens right eye to take a glance at the clock. It is 6:59 AM, a minute to the alarm.

Boy: Kill me. Kill me now...

*Beep-Beep Beep-Beep Beep-Beep*

Boy: Hmmmm...Uggggh…


The alarm stops. The boy lifts his upper body and rubs his eyes with his hands. He looks around the room to see what to choose for his day at school. The room’s walls are covered in posters of rock bands, latest guitar models, music sheets, all to do with music. He stands up from his bed and heads for his closet. He snatches a shirt and some jeans to put on. He puts them on and goes to his cabinet where he gets his deodorant and sprays it underneath his shirt. He glances over his bed and picks up his backpack.

As he walks towards the door he sees a case, a guitar case. The case is covered in stickers of many rock bands from top to bottom. The color is navy blue, his favorite color. In the middle of the case it can be seen the big words of “It's okay” with a sad face [ :( ]. He stares at the case for a while and gives it a big smile. He picks it up from the chair it was resting on and takes it down the stairs in where his parents are eating.

Father: Good morning, son. How was your slumber?

Felix: You know, the usual. A good 6 hours of interrupted sleep. What else can I ask for?

Mother: Oh Felix. You should get yourself to sleep much earlier. You should stop using your phone before you go to sleep. I read on the internet that it isn’t very healthy.

Father: You also looked up your symptoms when you were sick online and you said you had a brain tumor.

Felix sits down.

Mother: The symptoms were all so exact. Anyhow, honey, how are you for your first day of school? It is your Junior year and so you got to make the best out of it. I would like for you to give it your all and make good memories to treasure.

Felix: Yes, I guess? I do not see it any different from any other year. I simply will go with the flow, just as always.

Father: That’s more like it. Though you should start thinking of a career now. Do not tell me you are still on that idea of being a musician and all? You have to start thinking about a real job.

Felix: *Sigh* whatever.

Mother: Anyhow, here is your plate.

Mother lays the plate on the table.

Felix: Sorry, I got to go already. I need to meet up with Anna for some music stuff.

Father: Is that so? Not going to go study some AP Biology or something?

Mother: Charlie!

Charlie: Mary, relax. The boy is nearly seventeen. He ought to know all of this by now.

Felix: Not from you, dad.

Charlie: *Laughs* You and Anna are always together. Just ask her to be your girlfriend.

 Felix slowly gets up from the chair. He picks up his backpack and guitar.

Felix: Hilarious. Cya later.

Felix walks out the house.

Mary: You shouldn’t have said that.

Charlie: Jeez, sue me!

Felix goes down his front stairs and looks at the sky. It is getting cloudy. He turns around to go fetch an umbrella, but he is surprised by-

Felix: Ah!

Anna: Hey there, Bucko. How is your morning?

Felix: You sure scared me. Who wouldn’t be with that face?

Anna: Not my fault you are such a wuss.

Anna sticks her tongue out.

Felix: I got to go back inside to get my umbrella.

Anna pulls out to umbrellas from her backpack.

Anna: I know you don’t check the weather so here you go.

Felix: Jeez, where would I be without you?

Anna: In prison, praying to God so that your cellmate, Julio, doesn’t violate you in your sleep.

Felix: True.

Anna: Here, have the pink one.

Felix: I’d like the black one, please.

Anna: Oh.

Anna pushes Felix aside and makes a break for the street.

Felix: Anna, please do not make me chase after you. I can’t run with the guitar in my hand!

Anna laughs in the distance and the rains begins to pour down.


An alarm rings in a room. It makes a dripping sound from the phone. The sound keeps playing until a hand reaches to the counter where it is resting on and it is turned off. Silence sits for a moment. A girl sits up from her bed. She looks around with her eyes barely open. Her room is covered in posters of classical music sheets, as well as with poster of Mozart, Beethoven, Vivaldi, Chopin. She stands up and does her routine. She takes a shower,brushes her teeth, fixes her hair, puts on her clothing for the day. A routine she has kept for a while.

She sees her violin case rested in a chair. The case is royal blue with several stamps from around the world. They go from Paris to Japan, Quebec to Santiago. She picks it up and takes it downstairs. Her mother is waiting for her.

Mother: How was your sleep, darling?

Zora: I slept quite well.

Mother: Yes, I heard you practice all night long though. It was around 10 when you stopped playing.

Zora: And let me guess, your ears were filled with pure ecstasy once I stopped.

Mother: Dear please. You play magnificently. I could never grow tired of your playing. So, ready for your first day? It sure will be different. Your Junior year as a high schooler. The time will go by fast and as soon as you know it you will graduate, you know? But I am sure you’ll do just fine.

Zora: Yes, I guess? I will just do as I do all years. Though slightly better to really get those scholarships.

Mother: That’s more like it.

Zora laughs lightly. After a while, she finishes her meal and gets her things ready to go.

Mother: Off so soon?

Zora: Yes. I have to go to the practice hall with Shawn to drop off my violin. Our performance comes up in a couple of weeks and so we will be staying there again after school. By the way, will father be here for that?

Mother: I doubt it, darling. You know how busy he is and his schedule is pretty tight. But I will gladly go see you, that’s for sure!

Zora: Oh, I see. I guess...Thanks, Mother. I’ll be going.

Mother: Alright. Say hello to Shawn from my part.

Zora exits the house. She notices a black 1969 Dodge Charger. It is him after all, Good ol’ Shawn. She walks down towards the street, puts her stuff on the backseat and aboards the vehicle

Zora: You know, everytime I see this I always get that adrenaline rush and it’s not the good kind. By the way, my mother sends her regards.

Shawn: Oh, Zora. Relax. We’ve been through this multiple times. And how sweet of her.

Zora: If my mother weren’t to know you I wouldn’t be able to ride this thing.

Shawn: Well, lucky you since you would have to walk. Or worse, take the bus.

Zora: *sarcasm* Oh, Shawn. You are a gift from God himself.~

Shawn: No need to say that twice.

They drive off.

Felix and Anna arrive to the school. They leave a couple of minutes away walking. They see students swarming in from all the high school grade levels. They see some of the freshmen nervously walking to the building, fearing they might get bullied by the Seniors. They blend in with their own, the Juniors.

Anna: Ah, the new boy walks in with his guitar at hand. Pretty douchebaggy, don’t you think? Being new and looking like you own the place?

Felix: You told me to bring it…

Anna: I did?! Oops.

Felix: Let’s just get to class fast. You have officially made me nervous.

They walk into the school and go for the practice room. They enter the room. Felix looks around and he can’t believe the size of it.

Felix: This room is humongous.

Anna: humongous what?

Felix: Ahaha, no -_-.

Anna: *Smiles* Anyhow, you can leave your guitar in this cabinet.

Anna opens the cabinet and inside are several violins, violas and flutes in their cases.

Felix: *Whistles* Nice.

Anna: You think this is impressive? There is literally dozens of other instruments in other places here. We have quite the budget.

Felix: That sounds incredible.

Anna: Come on, now. Let’s get out of here before you dirty your pants and are late to class.

Felix: *Smirks* Alright. Say, we have the same schedule, right?

They exit the room.

Anna: Yes. What? You now think you are too cool to be hanging out with this hotshot?

Felix: I think anyone is, but that’s not it. It’s simply that I do not know my way around and I would like a tour guide.

Anna: By all means, I will be of service.

They walk to their first class. All of the other students are already here and waiting for the teacher. They find their desks and sit.

Felix: There must be, like, 30 people in this class.

Anna: What, claustrophobic all of a sudden?

Felix: It’s just too big for one-

Anna: That’s what she said!

Felix: Wow, you are so mature.

Felix takes a look around the class. He sees what he would expected. The jocks with their douchey jackets in one group, the popular people in another, the smart people on one side and the losers on the other. Despite being a class one can already see the sects. Suddenly, Felix’s eyes are caught by a certain girl. It is Zora.

Felix: Anna, who is that?

Anna: Oh, that’s Zora. She is quite talented and smart. She is the lead violinist in the orchestra and right next to her would be Shawn, the pianist.

Felix: Is Shawn her...you.

Anna: Felix Stark, do you have the hots for Zora Taylor?

Felix: What? No. I simply am curious.

Anna: Aha. To answer your question. No, they aren’t a thing. But they might as well be. They are always together. They do everything together. Shawn even brings her to class and back home.

Felix: The poor bastard is in the friendzone?

Anna: Oh no, not at all. He is quite the fellow. You see him change girls like underwear. He gets his way around.

Felix: Ah. Well, we might actually be looking at a platonic relationship. That’s quite rare.

Anna: Uh, *smacks in the arm* there’s us.

Felix: Yes, but now we won’t be special anymore.

Anna: You are right. Quick! Kiss me and make me your, Stark!

Felix: Oh, piss off!

They both laugh. The laugh catches Zora’s attention.

Shawn: So you up for practice later on today, right? You have to be. Our performance will be in a couple of weeks.

Zora turns around and looks at Shawn.

Zora: What? Oh, yes. But we have to stay for orchestra as well.

Shawn: Hey, the more practice we get the better.

School ends

The kids are swarming out of class and they go to the busses, their cars, the street. Everyone that is not in an afternoon activity that is. There is still plenty of students getting ready to practice soccer, football, cheerleading and music. Zora and Felix make it to the orchestra room first.

Anna: So orchestra does not start until one hour from now. In the meantime we could go grab something to eat and I’ll head back here. After that we go home and practice our thing.

Felix: Kind of a bummer that I cannot join this thing. Guitars are not liked in the world of orchestrated music. I am discriminated upon!

Anna: Jeez, Drama Queen, chill out. There is another group that you might be interested in joining. That is the music club. I cannot join it due to no one wanting a cellist. Where is my rant on that? Nowhere.

Felix: Well, about your proposal. I could go for a snack.

Anna: Great! Let’s go to the concession stand and get some food.

They head out. In a short moment Zora and Shawn arrive to the orchestra room.

Zora: It is quite exciting to be able to practice here once again with everyone else!

Shawn: Yes. I do like a good group to be able to play with. We are in for great stuff this year. But look at us, lead violinist and lead pianist. How much better can it get.

Zora: I know! Do you want to go inside to practice? We have some time until the others get here.

Shawn: Alright. Let’s get it on.

A while passes and Felix and Anna come back from getting their snacks. Felix has a hotdog and Anna a corn dog.

Felix: This place is pretty neat. It is like it has its own little society within. So far it is good.

Anna: What did you expect? Only because it is public school doesn’t mean it is so bad.

Felix: I guess you are right. I had another mentality put on me.

Suddenly Felix can hear the sound of music generating from the halls. He stops and so does Anna. Felix begins to walk a bit faster and Anna is behind him. He stops in front of the door and sees through the glass in the middle of the door and he sees Zora and Shawn playing together.

Anna: Seems they beat us to the punch.


Anna: Felix?

Felix: This song. It is so beautiful.

Anna: It is indeed. I think it is-

Felix: One of Chopin’s Nocturnes.

Anna: Woah, I am impressed. I am surprised you know it.

Felix: Well, after all, it was one of-

The playing stops half way. Felix looks back inside and sees that Zora is looking at him when the door suddenly opens.

Shawn: Do you mind? We are practicing. Oh. Hello, Anna.

Anna: Shawn.

Felix stands between them.

Felix seems like you both know each other. Hahaha…

Zora: What’s going on?

Shawn: Nothing. It is just that I saw you looking outside and you seemed distracted. I came to see and it is these two.

Zora: Oh. But I wasn’t distracted. I was just curious to see who it was.

Felix: Sorry if we caused any inconvenience. I was just going to pick up my guitar from here.

Shawn: Guitar? Why would a guitar be here?

Anna steps in

Anna: Because I told him he could keep it here.

Shawn: I see. Well, on with your business then.

Felix and Anna step into the room.

Zora: Hey, Anna. How have you been?

Anna: Hey, Zora. I have been well. Say, I hear you have a performance in a couple of weeks. I take that the song that you were playing is the one you will be performing?

Zora: You are right. We need to come out strong and I thought this piece was just that.

Felix: If I may say, the song is quite lovely. I am sure that with the way you were playing just now you will definitely win.

Zora: Why thanks. And you would be…

Felix: Felix.

They shake hands.

Zora: I am Zora. This here is my friend Shawn.

Shawn: Hey.

Anna: Well, looks like practice is about to begin. The rest of the group is coming in.

The students come into the room.

Felix: I should get going then. Meet you after the practice in the front, Anna.

Anna: Sure thing. Now go before they begin to see you as the weird one with the guitar.

Felix: True.

Zora: By the way, nice guitar case.

Felix gives a light laugh.

Felix: Thanks. Much appreciated. Cya.

Felix walks out the room.

Shawn: Say, is that your boyfriend, Anna?

Anna: Maybe. Why would you care?

Shawn: I am simply asking…

Anna: Whatever. I will just go to my place.

Anna walks away.

Zora: Same old Anna.

Shawn: Yeah.

End of chapter~

Chapter 2

It is 5:30 PM and the orchestra practice is over. Anna leaves the room first and the rest of the students follow behind her. Zora and Shawn are the last to leave.

Zora: Well, now off to your house to practice, Shawn.

Shawn: Yes. But man, am I exhausted. We should get something to drink from the soda machine. I buy.

Zora: If it’s free count me in.

They both walk in the hall and at the end of it they see Anna standing and looking at something. Zora and Shawn approach her and they hear the sound of a guitar. They walk towards Anna and stand behind her. They see Felix playing a song. A tender song. The movement of his right hand on the strings were natural. The last bit of the song he ends it with it fading slowly.

Anna: Isn’t he just amazing.

Zora: He sure is.

Shawn: I guess you could say.

Felix notices Anna and waves at her. Anna, Zora and Shawn walk to him.

Zora that surely was a beautiful piece of work.

Felix: Why thank you. I was just bored and I did have an hour and a half to spare.

Zora: What was that song anyways?

Felix: Paint it Black by The Rolling Stones.

Shawn: I thought I heard that. Though in guitar and the way you played it sounds, well, different.

Anna: So, Felix, ready to go?

Felix: Sure. Let’s hit the road.

Zora: You guys going home already?

Anna: Yes. Me and Felix have to do some practice of our own.

Zora: Oh. Shawn and I have some of our own as well. Hey, how about we take you guys home?

Anna: Oh no, thanks. That’s fine. We live close by.

Felix: Wow!

Anna and Zora turn and see Felix and Shawn near Shawn’s Charger

Felix: Dude, this car. It is just so...dude.

Shawn: Why thanks.

Zora: Shawn, think we could give them a ride to their home? They live close by.

Shawn: Uh…

Shawn sees Anna in the background signaling him offensive signs and that he will kill him.

Shawn: Sure.

Felix: Oh God, I get to ride this!

Shawn: Sure, man, hop on in.

Felix quickly gets in the car.

Anna: Hmm, I am not so sure about this.

Felix shouts from the car.

Felix: Come on, Anna! What harm could it do?

Anna: Ngh...Fine.

Felix: Alright!

Anna gets in the back with Felix.

Zora: Are you good with this?

Shawn: Why wouldn’t I be? They live close by. Might as well do them the favor of taking them. Good deeds payback eventually.

Zora: I suppose you are right.

Zora and Shawn get in the car. They drive off.

In a short while they arrive to Anna’s house.

Felix: Well, thanks for the ride. It was sure fun! Right, Anna.

Anna: I guess? Anyhow, let’s get to practice. Thanks for the ride, Zora.

Zora: No problem. Anytime!

Shawn: It’s my car though…

Felix and Anna exit the car and go into Anna’s house.

Zora: Quite a nice thing to know that there are people like us out there.

Shawn: What do you mean?

Zora: Well, a friendship like ours. You know? I always thought of Anna as a lone wolf, but I was wrong. Perhaps she just doesn’t click with anyone in school.

Shawn: I suppose. Anyhow, let’s get to my house and practice a while more. We ought to make a great performance and for that we need to stay determined.

Zora: Determination till we die, my good Shawn.

Shawn and Zora drive off. Meanwhile, Anna and Felix are practicing in the living room. Anna is tuning her cello by ear and Felix is pulling his guitar from his case.

Anna: So, you found the school to be to your fit?

Felix: Definitely! I really enjoyed the classes and the students weren’t as bad as I thought they would be.

Anna: You have a bad reputation of us.

Felix: To be fair, I got it all from you so.

Anna: Shhhht. Well, glad you have enjoyed it so far. Just stay away from the dumba** jocks and the stock up girls. Stay on Mr. Birch’s good side for passes on physics’ assignments and don’t be a dweeb. Other than that, you should be good.

Felix: Yeah yeah. Noted down.

Felix glances over to his right side and there is a chair isolated from them. Anna sees him looking.

Anna: You know, she would be happy to hear you say all of that. About how happy and joyful you are in your new school.

Felix: I’d like to think that too. Well, let’s get to some playing.

Anna: Right on.

They begin to play.

Over at Shawn’s place.

Shawn and Zora continue to practice the same song they played in the school’s orchestra room. They finish off the song.

Shawn: Good as always.

Zora: Yes. But we have to strive for greatness, magnificent, god-tier playing!

Shawn: Zora, please. You are killing me.

Zora: Hahaha, but I liked it. Hopefully with this we can win the competition.

Shawn: We will definitely win.

Zora: You know, I still can’t stop thinking about that guitarist.

Shawn looks at her confused.

Shawn: What about him?

Zora: I don’t know. I just simply never heard a guitarist play like that. At least not in person. And the song. It was a rock song. I could have never guessed a song of that genre could sound so beautiful.

Shawn: Ha, that’s because when you hear the words ‘rock music’ you picture a couple of dudes with painted faces and sticking their tongues out while they worship the dark lord.

Zora: Please, not all of them are like that. Just the one I picture in my mind.

Shawn: Well, I am glad that you have now see a bit of good in it.

Zora: We should talk to that guy more.

Shawn: Hmm, I don’t know. I don’t really see him our type.

Zora: Shawn, he played music you like. I think he is more of your type than mine.

Shawn: I’m talking about our own little duet. Bringing in a third wheel could possibly cause a fuss.

Zora: We could make it a quartet if Anna decides to hop in.

Shawn: Zora, the girl can barely look me in the eye.

Zora: You must have done something to her then.

Shawn: I have never talked to the chick once, once! It just bugs me that someone doesn’t like me.

Zora: Oh, a girl doesn’t like Shawn. Someone call a the news outlets for the big headline!

Shawn: ha ha ha, let’s just get back to practicing.

Night comes and both sides have to go home. Both sides go to the outside of their homes.

Zora: I ought to get going.

Shawn: You don’t want me to take you?

Zora: Nah, I want to walk for a while.

Shawn: Alright then.


Felix: I’ll head home if that is no problem.

Anna: Yes, it is getting quite late. By the way, give me that umbrella back. I need it just in case you forget yours some other day.

Felix: Aight. *tosses umbrella*

Anna: *Catches*


Felix and Zora: Cya later.

Anna and Shawn: Take care.

Both of the doors close and Zora and Felix are on their way home.

End of Chapter~

Chapter 3

Morning comes and Felix wakes up. He does his morning routine, eats his breakfast -barely any- and Anna is waiting for him outside.

    “So you dare show your face around here.” Felix says with a terrible southern accent.

    “It is one that makes the flowers bloom like the coming of spring and, at the same time, makes your life a living hell. Quite the deal I got from the gene store I must say.”Anna snaps back. Felix laughs and looks at her hands.

    “No pink umbrella today,right?” He says.

    “You guess correctly.” She says. “What? Did you want to look extra fabulous and flamboyant today?”

    “Anna, please.” Felix says back. “Let’s get going”

    They walk to the school and in minutes they arrive. They see the same thing as they did yesterday. The freshman running for their lives, sophomores could care less, juniors acting as the underdogs and the seniors acting with senioritis. Felix notices Shawn’s car. It is parked in the same place as before.

    “You think we could ride with them again?” He asks.

Anna gives a sigh, looks down and then back at him.
    “Jeez, Felix, you are going to come out as needy and desperate to them.” She says.

“Remember, you don’t want to come out as a needy dog.”
He gives out a light laugh and looks at her.

    “Ahaha, I suppose you are right. We could keep them for emergencies and such.” He says.

    “You are right. Extremely necessary near apocalyptic emergencies.” She replies. She looks at the nothing aimlessly and then looks at Felix.

    “Say, since today I do not have orchestra practice I was thinking that maybe you and I could go check out that music club I mentioned before.” She says
 Felix looks at her with excitement.

    “Great! Now, let’s get that guitar into storage.” Anna says.

    Anna and Felix head inside the school and go to the orchestra room. They notice the door is slightly open and hear voices coming from the inside. Anna walks a bit faster to pass Felix and get near the door. Felix gives Anna a shameful look, but Anna is too busy eavsdropping. They both get close to the side of the door and they pick up the voices of Shawn and Zora, along with another voice that Feix does not recognize but Anna does.

    “You two always here, working hard and making the best out of it. I am so intrigued.” A woman says with cheer in her voice. Zora shyly laughs.
    “Thanks, Mrs. Kepnes. We simply want to make our best performance yet!” Zora says.

Shawn steps in with his head raised up, all mighty.
    “We are sure to make a good impression onto you and the rest of the judges, Mrs. Kepnes. I guarantee you that.” He says.

Mrs. Kepnes laughs and throws a couple of hand gestures at both of them.

    “So confident. I like that. Well, you all have my vote if no one can top that out. I highly doubt it though.” She says.

    “Good to know. It is getting late so we should probably get going to class.” Zora says as she goes towards her backpack.

    “Oh yes. I wouldn’t want you all getting late to class due to my fault of admiration. I should get going as well. See you kids later.” Mrs. Kepnes says as she walks out the door.

Felix and Anna quickly hear this and the both of them get away from the door as fast as possible, both of them parting from each other. Mrs. Kepnes steps out of the room and simply walks by Felix. She notices Felix’s guitar.

    “A guitarist. How...typical. You better get to class before you are late, kid.” She snarks at him and walks away.

    “Damn, what a b****. But she is the best after all. I truly admire her and despise her at the same time.” Anna says.

    “She just hasn’t heard you and me play.” Felix replies.

    “Well, look at you. Acting all cocky and mighty. I’m impressed.” She replies.

    “But it is true. She simply hasn’t heard us play. About that competition she mentioned, is it open to everyone?” He asks.

    “It is a talent show competition. So there is everything. You know, magic, dancing, singing, talents in general.” She answers his question.

    “I see.”

    “Wait, you are not insinuating that we get into the competition, are you?” She asks and squints at him.

    “What do you think?”
    “I think it is a terrible idea.”
    “Come on. Don’t be a buzzkill.”
    “I just am not sure of presenting in front of people I know.”
    “Anna, we’ve done this millions of times.”
    “Yes, but not in front of people I know!”

Suddenly, Shawn and Zora come out of the orchestra room and they see Felix and Anna.

    “Hey, guys.” Zora says.
    “Hello.” Felix responds. “So, I hear you guys are competing in the school’s talent show.

    Zora says. “We sure are! Ever since elementary we have participated in many events. Most of the time it is the talent show.”

    “Has it been that long since we have presented together? It sure has been a while.” Shawn says.

    “Say, are you going to participate in it, Felix?” Zora asks.

Felix is stunned. “Me? Oh, please. I couldn’t stand up to you both.” He says flustered.

    “Oh, come on. You played magnificently. You really took my breath away yesterday with that song.” Zora says.

    “Really? Why, thanks for saying that. Coming from someone as talented as you I sure appreciate it.” Felix says.

Shawn steps in and says “Though you are right on one thing: We sure are the best.”

Zora looks at Shawn. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

Shawn looks at Zora and taps her shoulder. “Come on, Zora. No need to be modest. After all, we are the leads in our categories and have a perfect sound together.

Zora looks down. “I don’t know.”

    “So might as well step back, Guitarist. Before you make a fool out of yourself.” Shawn says.

Felix has an expression of confusion in his face and Anna steps in front of him. Standing in front of Shawn.

    “You think you are so good, don’t you? Well, let me tell you, pal, that Felix and I are going to join the talent show and we are sure to beat you.” Anna snaps back.

    “Um, Anna, I wouldn’t really put it in those-” Shawn interrupts Felix.
    “Oh yeah? Well it is on!”
    “It is on!” Anna raises her voice.

Anna turns around and holds Felix’s hand.

    “Come on, Felix. We got to store your guitar.” She says angrily.

    “He shouldn’t store it there!” Shawn says as the door of the orchestra room shuts. “Let’s go to class, Zora.”

    “That was pretty harsh from your part.” Zora tells Shawn. While she told him this the bell rang.

    “There is no time to argue right now. Let’s go to class.” Shawn says. They both go to class.

    The afternoon comes and Felix and Anna meet in the front of the school. Anna is carring Felix’s guitar.

    “Well, it is after class and I’d like to know the people I will be joining.” Felix says.

    Anna hands Felix his guitar. “Alright then, let’s get going.” She says. But before they head back into the school building Anna catches a glance of Shawn and he does too. She quickly looks away and she and Felix walk away. Zora noticed the glance.

    “Way to go, assbutt. Now you made a person dislike me.” Zora says.

    Shawn looks at Zora. “That look wasn’t meant for you. She clearly delivered it to me.” He says.

    Zora gives a big sigh. “You have to fix this, Shawn. She is with us in the orchestra and we will be seeing her for quite some time. So the sooner you solve this issue the better.” Zora says.

    “But it would be useless. The anger she has towards me was already there and I do not even know why it started. That argument just added wood to the fire.” He says.

    “Regardless, you have to apologize and make it up to them.” She says.

    Shawn sighs. “Yes, mother.”

They both walk towards Shawn’s car and drive off. Meanwhile, Anna and Felix have arrived to their destination. Felix looks at the room from the outside. It contains posters from bands he likes: The Rolling Stones, AC/DC, The Beatles, Kansas, Bob Dylan and many more.

    “See, they even like the same fogie bands you like.” Anna says.

    “Damn, they sure have my attention now. Though, their room is isolated from many other clubs. Why is that?” Felix says.

     “You will see right now.” She says.

    Anna opens the door of the club, but it leads to another hallway. They follow the hallway and at the end of it they see it goes downstairs. They begin to hear noises the more they get closer down.

    “It sure is getting wild down there.” Felix remarks.

    “You bet it is.” Anna replies. They are soon close to the door and the noise is just a door away. Felix opens the door and he is welcomed by a stream of music he recognizes very well. He sees two guitarists, a bass player, and a drummer playing “Fire your guns” by AC/DC. Felix notices that they aren’t the only ones in the room. He sees that other students are on their own little thing with other instruments. The song comes to an end and Felix claps.

    “Woah, that sure was good.” He tells the singer.

    “Why thanks, but who are you?” The singer says as he inspects Felix.

    “Oh, I am Felix. A new kid from the Junior class.” Felix says as he extends his hand to shake the singer’s hand.

    The singer shakes Felix’s hand firmly. “Alright. You seem to bring a friend. Oh, but look who it is. It is none other than Classic Anna.” He says.

    “Matthew. Seems like you got a hold of the club for yourself. Where is that scum of Michael?” She says as she takes a sit near her.

    “Well, graduation happened. He was a senior and his time was up. He will forever live with us through the sound of music.”
    “Damn, he passed? I would have assumed he failed and stayed a year longer with you all.”
    “Nah, man. He already was here for failing one year. Another one would have just looked bad on him.”

Matthew scratches his chest and looks at Felix. “So, what you down here for?”

    “My friend here is interested in joining your club and so I brought him here.” She says. Felix looks around and he likes what he sees.

    “I can’t believe that you guys are actually all the way here. Away from the main building. It is like you all have your own zone to do whatever you please.” Felix says.

    “Well, the principal wouldn’t let us be in the main building due to noise complaints from the other wussy classes. Bunch of delicate princess with their so called ‘refined taste’ in music. No shots taken at you, Classic Anna.”
    “None taken.”
    “Anyhow, they told us we could use this building if we managed to make it nice and cozy for us. So, we cleaned it up, brought our own instruments in, got some fundraisers to buy any other instruments or props and here is the end result.” Matthew says with pride.

    “Awesome!” Felix shouts.

    “But you wanting to join us. To be honest, you do not have that look that likes this. Why let someone just come and not use this to its potential.” Matthew says with concern. Felix laughs and says it is completely understandable for him to doubt his looks.

    “Say, if you lend me a guitar and give me a moment I can prove to you that I am no poser.” Felix says with a smug look on his face.

    Matthew looks at his crew and they all nod in agreement. “Alright. Show me what you got.” Matthew says.

    “Okay. Though, if I could get the drummer to play with me.” Felix says while looking at the drummer.

    “Jimmy, play with the dude.” And the drummer nods in agreement. Felix gets one of the electric guitars, checks that it is in tune, goes to Jimmy and whispers to his ear. Jimmy nods in agreement.

    “Signal me when ready.” Says Jimmy. Felix puts the strap around his body and positions himself. “Hit it.” Shouts Felix. Jimmy then begins to play lightly and it slowly progresses. Felix prepares himself and it is his token in and starts to play. Matthew immediately recognizes the song. It is “Hotel California” by The Eagles, the solo part. Matthew gets hyped.

     “Boy, you come in with this and you get an automatic entrance.” He says as he rushes to a guitar to join Felix in the middle of the solo. His entry is perfect and the two guitars merge into one and they are both in unison. They continue to play until they both agree to end at the same time and it is done. The students cheer and clap.

    “Bro, I haven’t heard that song in forever. The fact that you played that. It was sweet. You are in my dude.” Matthew says as he points at him with his fingers and the clapping continues.

    “Thank you. Honestly, it was the first gig to come to mind. I really appreciate you letting me in here.” Felix says with a smile. Anna comes from behind and punches Felix softly on the shoulder.

    “Damn, champ. That even got me. You have my respect.” She says.

    “Yes, man. You are welcome to join us. Hey, even to get you in a better mood. I’ll let Classical Anna join.” Matthew says.

Anna looks at Matthew with a confused look.

    “Matt, please. I couldn’t”
     “Do not be modest, An. I have seen you play and you got that funky kinda rock-y vibe to yourself. I am sure that if you worked on it you could be great.”
    “Jeez, now you are just patronizing.”

Felix interrupts. “Yes, Anna. Come on. It can be perfect. You can be practicing with the orchestra on odd days and you can come by on even days. It’s perfect.” He says.

    “Jeez, I don’t know. It’s just that I was rejected before and now I am welcomed?” Anna says.

     “Dude. Michael, is like, gone. He is somewhere out there, flipping burgers or something. I really mean my proposal.” Matthew says. Anna is still unsure and then she looks at Felix and sees a face on him of “Come on, now. You know you want to.”

     “Hmm, fine. I guess I could come on even days.” Anna gives in.

Felix and Matthew cheer and so do the rest of the students.

End of Chapter~

Note: Chapters 1 and 2 are written in one format and chapter 3 is written in another. I'd like to know which one would be more comfortable for you all. Personally, I find the second format adds more description to things. But that is just me. I'd like to hear from you all.

Manga Writers wanted / Peraso's portfolio
« on: August 25, 2015, 08:37:55 PM »

Age: 17

Preferred Genres: Action, Adventure, Fantasy, Horror, Mystery

Ongoing works: http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php?topic=13471.msg229356#msg229356
(Though the most I am focused on are Elemental Order and Blood Pacto)

Bio: A mexican studying in the US writing stories out of fun. (Insert mexican swimming the border joke here)

I have been caught on anime from the first time since watching them. My first ever encounter with an anime was Inuyasha and to be honest I didn't really get the whole story for I did not pay so much attention to it. Then Naruto came and that really caught my attention. I started to watch the anime for a while, but then became uninterested and stopped watching completely.

Until recently this past year I have once again stepped into the land of the unknown and discovered way more than I could never imagine. The shows Cowboy Bebop, Fullmetal Alchemist, Sword Art Online, Akame Ga Kill, Another, and more got my attention and inspired me to come here for the first time back in the fall of 2014.

Now with some stories up my sleeve I am happy with writing this stories and sharing them one here. I still have a way to go on interacting with the community as much, but time hasn't given me the chance to do so (also because I still have a thing of staying in the dark, but that is soon to change!).

What I hope to accomplish at the end of the day is to finish my stories and hopefully make the best out of this experience. I am glad to be part of this community and I couldn't be any more joyful. Hope you like what you see on here, have a good day, and stay classy my friends.

Develop Your Story / Blood Pacto
« on: August 03, 2015, 07:05:27 PM »
Hello once more community! I have been thinking on a story with revolving around magic for the longest time and now I have come out with a story. So far I have made a one-shot I suppose and I want to see if it works out. As always, critique is always welcomed and I hope you enjoy the read. Have a good day.

Genres: Dark Fantasy, Action, Supernatural


A world where people practice magic, there is a man, alongside with his servant, who practices the arts of dark magic. Known as an infamous mage around the land he has committed many atrocities such as murder, animal experimentation, sacrifices, conjuring of the dead, demon summoning, and many other taboo rituals. The man lived an obscure and fuliginous live until it was clear that it was coming to an end. He has an apprentice named Osias who admired his work since he was a little boy. Now, being 20 years old, his teacher bestows him with his research that he has been working on for his whole life: Resurrection of the Dark Lord, Cruor. Osias takes his teacher's work when he dies and takes everything he possessed as well as his servant, Cacula. He ventures off to different parts of the land in search of an answer on how to resurrected Cruor. A rigorous journey for this awaits him.

Blood Pacto


One-shot Last checked: 8/15/15

Chapter 1: A night out Last checked: 8/15/15

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Develop Your Story / Peraso's Story Pit
« on: May 19, 2015, 12:54:56 PM »
Aye, greetings everyone and welcome to my story development center. In here you shall find all of my projects that are being carried out.

Main Work

Elemental Order


Elemental Order is a school ,in Aurora, of this world in which it takes people from different regions of the world and trains them to be "Elemental" masters of their element. Two brothers,Edon and Lance, find themselves with the skill of lighting and Edon wants to go wants to go to Elemental Order to become a lighting "Elemental" and wanting to get out of his criminal past. They are orphans living from place to place with no definite home. As one day Edon wants to leave the city to go to Aurora with Lance, but it won't be easy for this two to get away.


Blood Pacto


A world where people practice magic, there is a man, alongside with his servant, who practices the arts of dark magic. Known as an infamous mage around the land he has committed many atrocities such as murder, animal experimentation, sacrifices, conjuring of the dead, demon summoning, and many other taboo rituals. The man lived an obscure and fuliginous live until it was clear that it was coming to an end. He has an apprentice named Osias who admired his work since he was a little boy. Now, being 20 years old, his teacher bestows him with his research that he has been working on for his whole life: Resurrection of the Dark Lord, Cruor. Osias takes his teacher's work when he dies and takes everything he possessed as well as his servant, Cacula. He ventures off to different parts of the land in search of an answer on how to resurrected Cruor. A rigorous journey for this awaits him.

Side Story



The world has recently become aware of a new "imaginary" creature that lives certain humans. A highly wanted criminal was captured and in his interrogation he confessed to a "partner" in crime. He says this "partner" is a "demonic angel" that helps him commit the crimes he did. He goes to reveal the existence of this said "partner" and says that this things live among less than 1% of the population and that people are already born with them. Before he revealed anymore information he is executed by one of the interrogators and he does not seem to remember committing such act. He describes himself as possessed.

A high school student in Los Angeles, California by the name of Victor Cole is a victim of this phenomenon. His "helper", Mors, is brought up to the news and is alarmed by it. The "helper" tells Victor to ignore said news and to continue on with his life as usual.

Little do the victims of this phenomenon know the true intentions of this said 'helpers' have other true intentions

Under development

Fallen Malak

A fallen angel that has been in charge of dealing with exterminating demons and other malignant presences to allow himself to be brought up to Heaven once more. Living through various centuries in time he has gained knowledge of how the world works. He has witnessed war, greed, corruption, famine, poverty, and many more grievous moments. His mission: To end the evil in the world.

more are to come, hopefully. These stories are to be carried out in the future and may florish to their fullest.

Develop Your Story / Grigori (Developing)
« on: December 29, 2014, 03:48:24 PM »
Feel free to critique and give your honest opinion on the subject. All of that always taken.

Hello once more community!  ;D So I have thought of an idea for the past months and I think I finally have the jist of it for the time being. I may or may not progress on it if the idea is good enough to work on. Plus I still have my other story "Elemental Order" to work on.

I still haven't also developed a title so if you could help with that it is much appreciated.

Title: *N/A at the moment*
Genre: psychological, mystery, horror

The world has recently become aware of a new "imaginary" creature that lives certain humans. A highly wanted criminal was captured and in his interrogation he confessed to a "partner" in crime. He says this "partner" is a "demonic angel" that helps him commit the crimes he did. He goes to reveal the existence of this said "partner" and says that this things live among less than 1% of the population and that people are already born with them. Before he revealed anymore information he is executed by one of the interrogators and he does not seem to remember committing such act. He describes himself as possessed.

A high school student in Los Angeles, California by the name of Victor Cole is a victim of this phenomenon. His "helper", Mors, is brought up to the news and is alarmed by it. The "helper" tells Victor to ignore said news and to continue on with his life as usual.

Little do the victims of this phenomenon know the true intentions of this said "helpers".

Comment away and tell me what you think of it.'

Thank you for reading  :D.

Welcome Center / Hello community
« on: October 11, 2014, 11:07:48 PM »
Hello people, I would like to introduce myself first. I am Jose Romero and I am glad to be here. I am a male of 16 years old. Live in Mexico, but pretty much have english dominated XD.

I have come to find the forum by Google. I was looking onto communities of this type and so far I like what is has to offer. I am a writer looking on to share my stories. I am also an anime fan that like almost all types of genres.

I would have to say that my current favorite anime would be Sword Art Online. The series is just so interesting and awesome at the same time!

Hobbies I have for now is writing my current story. I am not sure if it will be good, but I am trying my best and I believe it is good so that is enough for me. I am interested in seeing new animes. I wouldn't mind opinions of new ones if you have some for me XD.

Finally, I came to this forum to post my story. I would like to know where to exactly know where to post it because I really do not know where. If you could help with that it would be very appreciated.

Thank you for reading and I hope to hear feedback from you  ;).

Have an awesome day!

Develop Your Story / Elemental Order (All chapter one complete!)
« on: September 12, 2014, 06:43:52 PM »
Hello there community of Manga Raiders. I come here to present my very first story in which I want to present to you people. This is my very first idea of a story so if you don't like it I am sorry since this is my first time doing this.

Anyways on to the main point.

General Idea:

Setting: Abandon cabin,mossy and humid. Clara City
Type of genre: Supernatural, Action, Phychological, Mystery, (possible) Horror

Plot: Elemental Order is a region of this world in which it takes people from different regions of the world and trains them to be "Elemental" masters of their element. They have a choice in wheter they want to go or not. Two brothers,Edon and Lance, find themselves with the skill of lighting and Edon of them wants to go to Elemental Order to become a ligthing "Elemental". They are orphans living from place to place with no definite home. As one day Edon wants to leave Clara City to go to Elemental Order with Lance, but it won't be easy for this two to get away.

Chapter one (Slightly): My Dream

Year 316. Living in the conditions of a stray dog was a lad with great “Elemental potential. Of course, living in one of the world’s poorest countries what could you expect? His new found skill has him intrigued and has the bravery to go and chase his dream of becoming an “Elemental”. He would later decide if to pursue that dream.

Year 316. Scenario: Abandon cabin, mossy and humid. Place: Clara City

   The day was night, dark as charcoal. There was a cabin in the distance. The cabin was filled with the smell of rotten flesh. It would fill the household all day for the past time. In this household walked two brothers, brothers that had a skill that a man would kill to have. Both looked not bothered by the smell at all, for they have lived in this condition their whole lives. They both gather in a room to have a conversation.

   One stands in the door frame. He is tall with a slender face. He has blue eyes, with a down hair in the color of amber and pearl skin tone. His outfit was a peach colored shirt, torn short sleeves with some white pants torn half, and brown rough sandals. He looked upon the stars, for they had no roof. The other was sitting near a fire place.

        He had dark brown hair like wood. His eyes were brown with a slight of yellow. His outfit the same as his brothers but bigger for he was older. He has a pale tone of skin that matches his clothing a bit. He looks into the fire with emotionless eyes. “Say brother, how long have we been in this *censored* of a place?” The brother standing said with a smirk.” I don’t know, you are the one with the calendar.” The brother sitting said with a smile. The brother standing looks as if he has something to say, something of much more importance. He looks worried of this so he just goes out and says it.” Lance, I want to go to Elemental Order.” The brother said with relief. “Edon, why do you want to go to that *censored* of a place?” Lance said with an exhausted tone.

   “I want to go there to pursue my dream, to become an “Elemental”!” Edon said with energy. “Shut up! Do you want the whole block to hear you?” Lance said with a strong tone.”Lance, don’t you want to do something with your life. Don’t you want to get out of here and be somebody? I am tired of living in these conditions.” Edon said madly.” Somebody” you say, but how can you be sure you will be somebody there?” Lance looking away to see the fires crackle the wood.”I have a dream Lance, in which I will become the best lighting “Elemental” that Elemental Order has ever seen.” Edon walks around. He looks at the place with disappointment. He gets next to his brother and sits.

   “Let’s go together, for we are both lighting “Elementals”.” Lance stands up and walks around the room with a troubled mind.”Look Edon, I don’t want to have false ideas of this dream of yours. You have to keep in mind many factors are in play, that includes your life and you know it.” Edon stands and looks at his brother with energy.”So it is set, we depart at the first glance of light.”As Edon goes back to another room to get his stuff ready to go, he hears a branch crack outside the place. Edon runs back to the living room in which Lance is in, but he is nowhere to be found.”Lance! Where have you gone off to?” He whispers into the living room.

   Two men walk into the room. One is wearing a red scarf with a black bandana on his head. He wears a leather jacket with no sleeves and jeans half torn. The other has a mask with the design of a skull with lens goggles on his head. A navy blue jacket with black pants that look as if he had white paint spilled on them.”Are you going somewhere boy?” One of the men says this with a grin on his face. “What! You must be mistaken; I was just off to go run an errand into the market.” Edon says with a shaky voice.”At a time like this? I don’t think so boy” Edon tries to hurry out the door, but he is kicked in the gut by one of the men.

         ”We heard your conversation boy, you aren’t going anywhere. You belong to Zarus if I am not
mistaken?” Edon is hurt on his knees, but is mad at the same time.”I am nobodies to serve. I am going to accomplish my dream. Now let me go!” Edon jumps up and kicks in the face one of the men.

   Then he proceeds onto extending his arm to the other man as if he were to be pointing at him, but the man hold it and twists it. Edon screams in pain and falls to the ground.”You aren’t going anywhere, not with those legs anyways.” The man says with a grin on his face yet again. As the man was about to stomp his foot onto Edon’s leg, Lance pops up on one of the windows and strikes the man right through his back, going through all the way his chest. The exit wound came out his heart and the man falls onto his knees and dies. Edon looks at the man falling with eyes of horror.”Why did you do that! I could have knocked him out.” Edon says angrily as he punches Lance on the arm. The other man who had been kicked is scared. He is pale, pale as snow.”Please don’t kill me! I will do anything just please do not kill me!” The man screams in fear.”You do not have anything that is of use to me.” Lance raises his hand to put it onto the man’s head. His arm then lights up like a light bulb and electrifies the man down.”What are you doing Lance! That guy was defenseless!” Edon screaming with tears streaming down his eyes.

         ”What do you think they were going to do with you? Give you a foot massage? They were going to hurt you Edon.” Lance says with a surprisingly calm voice. Edon walks around the dead corpses, with a look of terror on his face. He sits down on the floor next to the wall, putting his head between his knees and cries. Lance goes next to him and touches his shoulder.”Edon, we can go now. We have to go before they send someone else to come get us.” Edon sits there for a few moments. He stares at the wall with a plain face.”You are right Lance; we have to get out of here. Let’s get out of here, for I have a dream to accomplish. A dream that would make mother and father proud.” He says with a shaky voice, but with no more tears. They go on and walk off to their destination, Fe Wall. As they walk they notice a storm in approaching.

                                          More to be revealed!

So I am so far with that, but I would like to receive some feed back from this.

Critiques and opinions are open in here. Thank you for your time.  ;)

*On to the rest of the chapter!

The problem wasn’t getting away from the men that they got followed by; they had now to break out of the city itself. In order to do this they have to jump the Fe Wall. This wall isn’t your typical one of every day. Instead, it is one of the most secure places in Clara City. Edon and Lance see the 5 meter wall covered in barbed wire and electric generators. They make a sprint to a bolder that is next to the wall in order to take cover.”Well, this is the time to turn around and walk back home.” Lance says in a sarcastic voice. Edon ignores his words as he is thinking of the events from a while ago. How he had to see those two men die by the hand of his brother. Horrible images of the incident start to pop into his head.

   “Edon listen to me. You have to follow every step I do in order for us not to get caught. Do you understand me?” Edon snaps out of it and now ready to listen to Lance’s instructions.”First, we are going to have to avoid the guard at the right of us.” The guard holds a bow and arrow in his hands, patrolling the area from the 10 meter tower that he stands one next to the wall.”Then we have to somehow avoid getting hurt from the wall. We are going to have to make a high leap with our lighting in order to pass it.” Edon pays close attention into this and is now ready to act when the time is right.

   Lance grabs a rock that is next to him and is ready to make his move.”Ready?” Edon prepares himself. “Ready.” Lance throws the rock far off and it hits the other side that the tower is from. The guard turns his head to the other side in a hurry, while Edon and Lance make their run to the wall. Lance is in front and then puts his hands next to his body facing down. He then unleashes a lighting burst enough to make him jump the wall. He jumps high like a feather in the air and then crosses the wall. Edon sees this and imitates the same moves, but by this time the guard already sees Edon trying to escape. The guard shots an arrow and lands next to Edon. Edon gets scared, but still runs. He then does the same as Lance. He passes the wall with no injury at all.

   The guard becomes frustrated and triggers the alarm. The alarm warns all of the guards near the area and dash to the source. “Damn it, we got caught. We are going to have to run as fast as we can.” Easier said than done, for the area beyond the wall is a plain field of grass with no cover. The field was clear up until 500 meters, but to them it would feel like miles.”Let’s go!” Lance yells at Edon to advance. They run, but by this time the wall had been open and soldiers were running after them. There were men on top of the towers with bows and arrows ready to shoot. The men shoot their arrows, and the sky was covered in darkness for the amount it had been used. Edon is terrified of what he sees and stops running, for he is staring at the deadly run of death.

       Lance looks back and immediately stretches his arms out and makes a shock wave, which blocked out the arrows around them. They began to run again.”Edon don’t stop, we almost make it to the forest!” The soldiers were running as fast as them. It wouldn’t be long till they caught up to them. As the brothers run more and more, an archer readies his bow and shoots. The arrow hits Lance’s thigh and falls to the ground. Edon sees this and is now terrified. Lance yells, but is able to somehow stand up and continue. His efforts were meaningless, for an arrow then hit him on the opposite side of his heart. Lance falls to his knees and then faces down on the ground. Edon runs to him and picks him up off the ground.”Lance I am sorry! This wouldn’t have happened if we wouldn’t have gotten out the city.” Edon says this as the men start to catch up to them.”Just leave me here, I am dead weight. Get it? Dead weight.” He says this laughing as he spits blood out of his mouth.”Shut the hell up with you cheesy *ss jokes and let’s get moving!” The walk for a bit and then Lance falls. Arrows, soldiers, and screams are still coming at them, but they stop as if that weren’t to matter.

   Lance lets go of Edon and falls to the ground.”Lance, come on. We have to get moving!” Edon says in a mad tone.”Edon just go! I will slow you dow- *Cough*” Edon stays still, not knowing what to do next. The soldiers were closing in more and more and he was just staring into them. These soldiers will kill them as soon as they get hands on them. Edon looks up into the sky and a drop of water strikes his head. The storm as caught up to them and it was now raining upon them. Edon then gets mad, as when one is about to explode. He yells out and starts to get ready for something. The rain then brings lighting and thunder, which will help him.

   Edon then raises his hands into the sky in a slow, yet hard way. The soldiers still coming at him with all they have got. Edon then quickly lowers his hands down, and lighting begins to pour down on the soldiers. They begin to fry and yell, but Edon stares at them with deep hate for what they have done to them so far. The lighting strikes the land so hard that it raises dust and stones off the ground. Edon uses this as a cover to get away from the area. He grabs his brother, picks him up, and says “The dream I wish for could not be granted if I do not do it with someone I love so dearly.” Lance smiles and looks forward. They walk into the forest to then disappear from the sight of the soldiers.

                                                              Chapter 2 to be released really soon!

                                  Please leave any kind of comment from being complements to critiques.

                                    Also, please help me on what I should work on better in my work.

                                                                        Thank you for reading!   ;)

Develop Your Story / Elemental Order
« on: September 08, 2014, 10:22:55 PM »
Hello there community of Manga Raiders. I come here to present my very first story in which I want to present to you people. This is my very first idea of a story so if you don't like it I am sorry since this is my first time doing this.

*Now, with that said, this story will not stay like this throughout the whole time. There may be a time in where I will have to rephrase parts in the story due to some misunderstandings that I may have been provided in the first chapters. With that said, I will say when the changes in some chapters take place and I will add a date on to each of them to show the last time it was checked.*

Anyways on to the main point.

Type of genre: Supernatural, Dark Fantasy, Action, Phychological, Mystery, (possible) Horror, Light Humor

Plot: Elemental Order is a school ,in Aurora, of this world in which it takes people from different regions of the world and trains them to be "Elemental" masters of their element. Two brothers,Edon and Lance, find themselves with the skill of lightning and Edon wants to go to Elemental Order to become a lightning 'Elemental' and wanting to get out of his criminal past. They are orphans living from place to place with no definite home. One day Edon wants to leave the region of Ciana to go to Aurora with Lance, and so they begin their rigorous adventure for greatness.

Chapter 1: The Dream: Last check (7/15/15)

Chapter 2: Lord Zarus: Last check (3/29/15)

Chapter 3: Company Arrives: Last check (3/29/15)

Chapter 4: Acceptance: Last check (3/29/15)

Chapter 5: Agreements: Last check (3/29/15)

Chapter 6: Training Grounds: Last check (7/17/15)

Chapter 7: Dark Malignancy: Last check (7/17/15)


Chapter 8: Truths: Last check (5/17/15)

Chapter 9: A Making: Last check (6/26/15)

Chapter 10: Bitter Encounters pt.1: Last check (8/2/15)

Chapter 11:Bitter Encounters pt.2: Last check (8/2/15)

Chapter 12: Rebel move
(Link will come later)

Here is chapter 12! I hope you enjoy it and please go ahead and leave your thoughts on the comments. I will accept critique and opinions. Chapter 13 to be released.

Hope you enjoy and thanks for reading!


A bit of information to add to format. So my writing style concerns me in the way that the readers may not be able to understand when I use bold, italics, or underlined words. I clear that here.

Bold: When I put bold letters in character's lines it means that they are thinking to themselves. No one can hear them, therefore basically having his own thoghts.

Italics: When using italics it would be when I refer to a statement as either important or sarcastically. Do not be confused with this for it would be pretty obvious when one is being used from the other one.

: This may be used for overstating a phrase, to make it stand out or so.

Bold and Italics: This will be majorily used for the transactions in the story, for example: "Meanwhile in Ciana".

That would conclude the brief explaination for my story writing.

Story Project has been Resumed

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