This whole thing just kind of bubbled up into my mind one day more or less fully formed in it's narrative. I'm intending it to be a fun romp through the MR world which will let me expand into some new territory opened up by others recently (looking at you Fro) and to stretch some of my Snicket muscles (points if you can point out the mannerisms)
I'm also trying to adopt something of a more engaging narrator style that I sort of experimented with during last years Great Raid story. (Although this time without the grandfatherly tale conceit)
So sit back, relax, and have a laugh. It's MR baby~!
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 1: In Which Our Heroes Have A Rude Awakening
It is a common misconception that the dwellers of the Net do not require sleep. This misconception is particularly foolish, as there is no one left alive who does not live on the Net, and they should know full well that they do. The myth persists thanks entirely to some people being too proud to admit they sleep, and all the rest being either too polite, or too sheepish to correct them. Alas, the Net’s denizens are just like the rest of us. They do require sleep, and therefore, require a place to live in which to carry out the act.
That is where things get more complicated, and is also where this story begins.
The residents of Manga Raiders are generally a savvy bunch, and follow most of the unspoken rules of the Net. Unspoken though they may be, they are nonetheless important. And not least among these strong suggestions, is that you don't tell people where you live. It is a commandment going back to ancient times, and none can claim to know where it originates. Despite this, the reason behind it is well remembered. The Net is dangerous, and if you give away personal information all willy nilly, you're liable to wake up with nothing left but the pajamas on your back. This is especially unfortunate for those who do not wear pajamas to bed.
So, the unstated rules being what they are, and the Raiders being who they are, it should come as no surprise that almost nobody on Manga Raiders knows where anybody else on Manga Raiders actually lives. If you can easily discover where a Raider lives, then they are either incredibly foolish, or incredibly powerful. You should be cautious around both. But no matter how foolish or powerful they may be, it was well known (or at least heavily rumored), that Coryn Sken slept in a charging pod in the MR Science Division, Legomaestro slept with his eyes open while perched on rooftops, and MahluaandMilk retired to a forbidden temple in the clouds.
These rumors are patently false, and suit their subjects just fine. They keep people from asking too many questions, and that is a recipe for a good night's sleep.
Coryn stepped out of his shower into an expansive bathroom. The vaulted ceilings and stained glass windows were obscured with steam, and Coryn was forced to swipe his mirror several times in order to finish shaving. For the thousandth time he made a mental note to install heated mirrors, and for the thousandth time he forgot it as he pulled on a white bathrobe and stepped out into the cool dark of his penthouse hallway.
It being Coryn though, it was never that simple. As a point of fact, his bathroom resided in the Artists District, while his hallway, and the open floor plan containing the other common spaces of his home resided in Central Administration. Additionally, you could find his bedroom nestled in the Writers District, his library in the outskirts of the Fashion District, and his laundry room in the Manga Sellers District. The idea had struck him after watching his apartment at the time be destroyed in a single spam ninja attack. His previous two domiciles had met similar fates, and ever since that day, he kept his home split up around the city. This made rearranging the layout a snap, and meant his commute home at night was just to whichever door was most convenient at the time. He only connected his home to a door long enough to pass inside, and then it reverted back to just another broom closet, bathroom, or his personal favorite: a few doors he had serendipitously set up which comically led to nowhere but brick walls.
All in all, it was a great way to keep people from finding where he lived. So, as he dragged his feet down the hallway in the dim, pre-dawn light, it was no surprise that something began to strike him as a little out of place. At first he thought he was imagining it. He was still half asleep after all. There was a slight hint of food cooking in the air. A few light clinks of utensils hitting the bottom of pans. Salty smells from sizzling meats. He swore he heard a toaster going in to action. Coryn was about ready throw out his schedule for the day in order to run a full system diagnostic, when he stepped into the wide space which comprised the lion share of the penthouse. To his left, the first inklings of the day crested over the balcony railing and through his full height windows. He followed the light across his living room, through the dining area, and into his kitchen. There, at his island mounted stove top, surrounded by all the makings of a country breakfast, stood Ecchi-tan. She wore his frilly pink apron, and as Coryn’s now fully awake eyes were quick to bring to his brain's attention, nothing else.
Coryn’s whole body went into overdrive as well rehearsed scenarios flooded his mind. With a single fluid motion, Coryn drove his hand into the drywall besides him, and whipped out the cutlass hidden within. He pointed the blade at his scantily clad house guest, who finally acknowledged his presence, and smiled up at him. “Good morning darling! Are you hungry?”
Around fifteen minutes before this, while Coryn was washing his hair, and Ecchi-tan was dicing green peppers, Lego was still sleeping peacefully on the other side of town. His home was a mansion, tucked away in a quiet corner of the city. Here he knew he could slip in and out without much bother, and only required a cursory glance through the spyhole to know the coast was clear. However the true genius behind his hiding place is that he always described it as a mansion. This was of course, very much the case. If a Raider were by chance to find themselves inside Lego's home, without any knowledge of how they got inside, 'mansion’ is the word that would spring to mind. Although it was an auster place, filled with minimalist furniture, finishings, and possessions, the precise black and white tile work, the fine craftsmanship of everything within, and the grand scale of it all, would leave you with little doubt to what sort of domicile you stood in.
The inside however, did not tell the whole story.
From the outside, the mansion was invisible. Not literally, of course. That would throw up more red flags than actually existing out in the open. No, it was mere figurative invisibility. So surrounded and encased by the adjacent architecture was it, that the actual form of the building could only be glimpsed at specific angles. This was how Lego had originally discovered the odd location. A particularly nasty throw down on the city streets had left him with a fleeting impression of the building as he sailed past. It was that fateful, hidden sightline that led him here, and one which he promptly disguised with foliage, along with all the others, in order to keep them that way. It left him with much to be desired in terms of sunlight, but he made do with what he had.
Of course, not have any lights passing over his windows at night did make getting to sleep easier. This night had been no exception, and as he laid on his simple bed, he slid into a new dream. He found himself in a void, extending out above and below him in all directions. His skin felt like it was being gently caressed in silk, and he had the sensation of being in free fall. A cool breeze swept over him, and he detected a new feeling. Sudden warmth was spreading along his back, and he could feel hands moving over his shoulders and on to his chest. Lego looked down in his dream, but could not see the invisible digits which ran along his skin. For a moment, Lego felt ill at ease, but just as quickly allowed the dream logic to once again take hold. This was far from the most unpleasant dream he had ever had, and he let the surreal moment wash over him as he drank it in. The void, the warmth, the hands, the ticking of his alarm clock….
That didn't track.
“Wake up, my lit-tle-kit-ty-cat!” The figure behind him flipped up over Lego's body, slammed him onto his back, and proceeded to take his breath away. Not least because she had situated herself firmly on top of his diaphragm. “Good morning, Lego-kun.” Cooed Lewd-tan’s voice.
Lego now knew his eyes to be fully open, but he still couldn't see a thing. There was only the slightest hint of silver light in the room. Not enough to see by at the best of times, but without his glasses on, it was absolutely impossible. He couldn't tell of he was actually seeing Lewd’s outline, or if it was just his eyes playing tricks on him. Finally, a few sharp breaths made it into his lungs, and Lego got out a few words. “Can I ask, what you're wearing?”
Her response came from right next to his ear. “Less than you”. Lego jerked his head to the side, trying to catch sight of her at close range, but Lewd-tan's had already leaned back into the darkness. “I have a task for you, Le-go-maes-tro.”
Later that morning, although not so much later that this narrative shall diverge from its swapping perspectives, the sun finally created the horizon, and the official dawn began. There was nothing unusual about this. The sun came up in the same location, at the same time, and at the same degree of brightness as it did every other day of the week. The days in which it didn't we're usually calls for alarm, but today no sirens rang out. As such, the thing which awoke Mahlua this morning was having the sun attack her windows at just the perfect angle that it was able to circumvent all the defenses of her curtains and blinds, and shine directly on her eyes.
This was possible, of course, for Mahlua’s residence. The building where she laid her head at night was no great hidden mansion, or spatially separated penthouse. It was just the loft above her studio, so no fantastical architecture protected her from the angry rays of morning light. Her abode was a simple one, packed with books, loose sketches, various esoterica, and a not so limited supply of magical items. Her bed separated the space into halves, and the grumbling witch in turn rested in the middle of the bed.
So, one might wonder, as to how Mahlua's home has never been discovered by those who were not invited in. After all, it's right above the known location of her studio. Someone must have surely seen her go up one day, or saw her at her windows, you think to yourself. One might also wonder, how many things do or do not happen. Why does the sun rise every morning when Manga Raiders isn't on a planet? Why don't we float away since we live on a flat plane? Why doesn't Pub-tan know how to cook anything that's not deep fried? Why do I keep getting kidnapped for 'experiments’? The Net is full of questions. Most of them are boring, some of them or not. One of these questions is: Why do you keep asking about how Mahlua's home stays hidden?
The answer is of course: Magic. It's always ‘magic’ with her. And it's because you're asking questions like that that lets her get away with a few warding sigils. Her apartment isn't a place you can find by looking for directly. You have to find it out of the corner of your eye, and then, only if you know the trick to it.
Because of this, Mahlua did not regularly entertain guests. Neutral territory was the norm for meetings. It helped that MR was 99% neutral territory, but still, it would have been nice if she was closer to a bus stop. Despite that, Mahlua did on occasion have visitors. These were always people she trusted intimately, but she still made sure they could not so easily expose her living situation. That is to say, while it was not strictly impossible, she did not expect to find someone staring at her from the foot of her bed.
Since you have been reading this tale, you will know that is exactly what happened.
Mahlua made a futile effort to push the light away with a sleepy wave, by it only momentarily blocked the light so she could crack her eyes open. At first she could not be sure that someone was actually there. Tired eyes and the sandman can play tricks on your brain. But after a few moments, the image clarified, and Mahlua found herself meeting the intense stare of Artist-tan. The little Tan was sitting on a stool she had obviously drug up from the studio below, and had her signature backpack propped up next to it. The young girl was looking on at Mahlua with the kind of intensity only a child on a mission can possess. She was entirely earnest, and as Mahlua blinked at her in confusion, Artist rose her hand. “Artist! Get over here! Now, I want you to remember exactly what I'm saying and repeat it back to Mahlua in the morning. Ahem. Mahluaandmilk, you have been chosen for a great and noble purpose!”
If you were told that a person kept swords hidden all over their home, and had plans to use them on any uninvited guests, then you would describe them as 'paranoid’. A word which here means: 'a person who believes that anyone besides themselves in their home presents a clear and present danger’. This is a good rule of thumb for most people. Then again, most people didn't fight ninjas and robots for a living, and most house guests aren't demigods. So it was that when Ecchi-tan perfectly flipped an omelette, Coryn kept the tip of his sword pointed at her. “Ecchi-tan, I don't recall inviting you in.”
She practically chirped in response. “You left your front door unlocked!”
Coryn knew perfectly well how his front door worked. So instead he took a few purposeful strides towards his kitchen. “Oh, we both know that's not true. And something tells me you're not making me breakfast just for the sake of getting me excited.”
She smiled at him. “Oh? Am I making you excited Coryn? And here I thought you preferred my sister!”
He rose his balde higher. “Just your being here is more than enough to get me excited.” Coryn tipped up onto his toes to get a better look at what Ecchi-tan was up to. Aside from the standard cooking utensils, she was unarmed, although that counted little with her.
Ecchi had begun laying out the breakfast onto a pair of plates. “I hope this isn't how you treat all of your overnight guests. It's very poor manners.” She winked at him and started towards his dining table with the plates. Coryn turned his head away as she passed and let the sword fall to his side.
“Just so you know, Tan or not, moderator powers will still take you to task. The only reason I'm not using them right now is because I don't want to bust up my apartment.”
Ecchi said. “Of course dear.” And sat down to her plate.
Coryn turned back towards her once he was satisfied she would stay put. “What is it you want? You wouldn't go through all this trouble if you didn't have something important.”
Ecchi-tan tucked a napkin into the apron before responding. “I've got a proposal for you Coryn. If you do me this favor, I promise I'll make it worth your while.” She clapped her hands together, as if in prayer, and waited patiently while Coryn thought it through.
At first he opened his mouth to utter a quick and definite 'no’, but halfway through the word, stopped to reconsider. He made another attempt, but this time caught himself before any letters could escape. Next he paced back and forth, nimbly twirling the saber around his fingers. Finally, he set it back at rest in its hiding place, and made haste back down the hallway. “You have until I'm done eating to convince me. But first, you're putting on the spare robe.”
Lego's mind was racing. This was not how he intended to wake up on this, or potentially any morning. Why couldn't have it been Ecchi-tan instead? But then, a second thought struck him. “Whose sheets are these?”
Lewd-tan chuckled in the darkness. “Yours were too rough, so I brought my own. Why, do you not like silk? Have some consideration for the soft skinned among us.”
“Bull*censored*!” Thought Lego. He had seen Lewd-tan tank whole buildings without a scratch. She was about as tough as they came. Cotton sheets were the least of her worries. There was a zero percent chance that this was merely a social call, although Lego had trouble believing that Lewd would go through the trouble of tracking him down and sneaking in just to annoy him. The mod's tired mind churned its gears, until he remembered what she had first said as he was waking up. “Wait a minute. You said you had a task?”
Lewd-tan slowly ran her finger along Lego's chest. “I did. Do you remember when I invited you and Hasith around for a bath last year?” Lego did, and nodded in the affirmative. He had been led blindfolded up to EcchiWorld's many open air baths, and was seated next to Hasith. The elder twin had then asked him for a favor down the road, although at the time, he was not enlightened to what that favor would be. Hasith had in turn been asked by the younger twin for the fences surrounding their temple complex to be electrified. He had done so within the week, and Lego was left feeling he had got the short end of the stick.
Lewd-tan pulled her hand away. “So it's simple. I've come to collect.”
But in of course in Lego's mind, it was not that simple. The bath was only a way to make him more malleable to the agreement. He had only agreed to a favor, and Lego was feeling pretty confident that what Lewd was about to ask for went beyond the common good turn. “What are you asking for? And what do I get for it?”
There was a pause in the darkness as she considered her answer. “I need you to bring me something.”
Lego didn't know how good her night vision was, but he hoped she could see his scowl. “I'm not some errand boy.”
“Of course not!” Replied Lewd-tan. Her answer sounded sincere and sarcastic all at once. “What I'm asking you to retrieve is a very well protected and potentially dangerous artifact.”
“Dangerous?”
“Oh, not dangerous to you directly.” Said Lewd. “But there are a lot of people looking for it right now. Strong people.” She clarified, lingering on the last two words.
Lego grew still as he considered this proposal. On the one hand, he did not like being snuck up on and ordered around. On the other, he did like fighting strong people, and he could use a vacation. “Alright, I'm in. What am I looking for?”
Lewd-tan smiled in the darkness. “I want you to bring me the Golden Chalice.”
Still at the foot of Mahlua's bed, Artist-tan continued on from the notes she had taken on her hand. Mahlua quickly decided that the young girl had superbly small lettering. “And so of you do this thing for us, than you shall be granted, I don't know, absolution or something. Tell her that. No, I can't tell her because I'm her type and we don't need her getting distracted. Ecchi can't do it because... because she's busy that morning. Don't worry about it. Wait, are you still writing this down? Stop it, just tell her the important bits.” After a deep breath, Artist put her hand down, and spoke her own thoughts for the first time that morning. “And that's what Lewd-tan asked me to tell you. I made sure to leave everything in just in case.”
It was a lot to take in, especially before breakfast. Mahlua stared at the girl for a few moments, before pulling herself up into a full sitting position. “So let me get this straight. The twins are asking me to go out by myself, retrieve a mystical item called the Golden Chalice, and in return they will grant me a reward?”
“That's about what it boils down to.” Said Artist.
“And it's potentially very dangerous to my person to do so?” Replied Mahlua.
Artist nodded.
“And you don't have any leads on where it is?”
“Nope!”
Mahlua took a minute to ponder her situation. On the one hand, it sounded dangerous, on the other, she really liked the idea of Lewd-tan owing her one. Before the minute hand had made a full revolution, she decided. “Alright, I'll do it. But just one question first: Why did you agree to be their messenger? This doesn't seem like something you'd be in to, if you don't mind my saying.”
Artist-tan dove her hand into her backpack, and rustled around. “Lewd-tan bought me five whole boxes of granola bars. I eat them when I'm hiking around.” She pulled out a foil wrapped bar and pointed it at Mahlua. “Want one for the road.”
Mahlua smiled and reached out for it. “Thanks, I'm sure it will come in handy.” She read the label, rubbed the sand out of her eyes, and read it again. Unsurprisingly, the flavor advertised on the foil wrapper had not changed, but you could never be too careful on MR. Mahlua set the popsicle flavored granola bar (It's the coldest!) down on her nightstand, and climbed out of bed. “Could you wait for me downstairs Artist-tan? I'm going to get ready.” The little girl acknowledged her with a nod, dismounted, and headed towards the exit to the loft, stool in hand. Once again alone, Mahlua let out a long sigh, and made a mental note to redouble her defensive charms when she got back.
Coryn finished the last bite of his breakfast as Ecchi-tan finished her proposal. He set down his fork, wiped his mouth with a napkin, and slid the plate towards the table’s center. “So let me see if I missed anything. You want to send me out to find a mystical and dangerous cup which you cannot describe. And, you want me to do it all by my lonesome, without telling anyone where I'm going. Additionally, you have no actual leads on where it is located, how to find it, or what is guarding it. But, if I do this for you, you shall grant me one wish, which may be anything that is in your power to grant.” It wasn't a question.
Ecchi nodded enthusiastically. “Mhm!”
Coryn pondered her. “I could send you on an assassination job. I could make you my full time assistant. Maybe I'd turn you to my side during the next Great Raid. Perhaps I'll just put you in a cage, naked, and sell tickets for a look behind the curtain?!”
“Oh Coryn, I didn't know you were into that kind of thing. But if you really want me too… I'd do it for free!” Ecchi shouted.
Coryn knew better than to be caught by surprise and comically choke on his OJ, but it didn't help. He applied his napkin to his face, and went back to studying his house guest. On the one hand, he would ruin a few experiments by leaving in the middle of them. On the other, having Ecchi-tan on call was worth its figurative weight in gold. “Alright then. I’ll do it. Now get out of my house” After two beats he added. “Thanks for breakfast.”
Ecchi smiled at him, “I’m glad to hear that!”, and began to remove her robe.
Coryn leapt from his chair and skittered halfway back across the room. Ecchi-tan stopped and gave him a curious look as he came up with his response. “Just leave that on will you? Keep it, in fact. The apron too. If anybody finds out this happened I’m a dead man.” She seemed to think about it for a moment before giving him an enthusiastic nod, and leaving her seat.
“Alright then Coryn. I’ll see you when you get back!” Ecchi-tan sauntered out of the space and towards the foyer. Coryn counted her steps after she passed out of sight, and didn’t let his guard down until he heard the front door close behind her. He turned towards the hall, and after staggering a few steps into it, hit the wall and collapsed down it. There really was no way the events of that morning could go beyond those walls. Above all, he knew if Lego ever found out a about it, things might spiral into full blown civil war.
Lego still lay in bed as Lewd-tan finished her spiel. She had only confirmed his notion that she wasn’t going to be any help at all moving forward, and that Lego was to keep the whole affair on the down low. Not that Lego considered what was happening right now to be an ‘affair’, but it was an apt term to describe the situation. Lego definitely wasn’t thinking of things in that moment which may potentially sour his chances with Ecchi-tan. There was no indecent thoughts happening whatsoever. But even the truest of men may find their hearts beating quick in such a situation. Lego was sure Lewd sensed this in him, or perhaps she could just tell from his sweat. Either way, she adjusted her positioning and Lego felt her weight leave his torso. The next thing he knew, two soft hands were clasping themselves around his face. She was close now, too close. Lego could feel her breath on his lips. Lewd spoke, low and sultry. “Bring me its sweet, delicious power.” And then, nothing.
Lewd’s presence vanished in an instant. Lego wasted no time. He simultaneously spun to his side, snatched his glasses to his face, and activated his bedside lamp. The photons it produced scarcely had time to grace the walls of Lego’s cavernous bedroom before his eyes were scanning for any trace of her. Alas, the room showed no signs of her passing. For a moment, Lego pondered if it might have all been a dream after all, but upon looking at the other side of his bed, where an imprint of her form still remained, his path was galvanized.
Within five minutes Lego had departed bed, laid out his clothes, packed a few sundries into rucksack, and began to freshen himself up. If it was such a highly coveted item, then there was surely a reason Lewd-tan was making her move now. But if she thought it was worth sending Lego to find it with so little to go on, then there must be someone else she thought may find it first.
Mahlua stepped into her art studio fully dressed, and with a backpack of hastily assembled essentials. Artist-tan was sprawled out on the ground working on a sketch, and didn’t even look up as Mahlua approached her. “So there’s really nothing else you can tell me about this situation.”
The young girl shrugged. “I’m afraid not. You know what I know. It’s not much to go on, but…” She raised her head to look up at the witch. “If you do happen to find it, I wouldn’t complain if you let me see what it is before you give it to Lewd. After all this work I’m interested in seeing what it looks like.” Mahlua sighed and surveyed her work space. Nothing seemed out of place, and she wondered how Artist-tan got in without disturbing anything. Her mouth opened to question the Tan, but she changed her mind about probing too deeply before the words passed her lips.
“Will you be fine if I just leave you here?”
The little Tan nodded. “Mhm. I can lock up after you too, if you want.”
“Thanks Artist.” Mahlua gave a curt bow to the girl before stepping onto the street. There she stopped, and there she pondered. Lewd had sent Artist in her place for a reason. The Tan was not the kind to make decisions without a good reason behind them. Mahlua suspected that something was being purposely obscured, but she couldn’t place her finger on it. She stopped and she pondered for a full minute, until at last she yelled out at the top of her lungs. Mahlua could not know it, but at that exact moment, two others in the city were also echoing her exact words on their respective street corners, at the top of their respective lungs. “Then where the hell am I supposed to start?!”
The morning air still retained the night’s chill, but the sun hung in a clear sky, so the mood felt optimistic to most. Spring, it could be said, had that effect on people. Winter, while tolerable, is often cold and harsh. It’s not a forgiving time to be alive. Even if each of us have had years to experience it over and over again, we inevitably find that the warm summer has strippd away our defense against it. So, when spring does raise its head, we can’t help but feel that the good times are on their way. Despite this however, the good times were not on their way for our three intrepid heroes. Before them sat trials unimaginable, har*censored*udes unplumbed, and duties unfulfilled. None of them yet knew it, but before long, each would wish they could be transported back to simpler times, and the morning of their rude awakenings.
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