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Topics - Rushded

Pages: [1]
1
Develop Your Story / Stasis
« on: July 09, 2018, 06:38:27 AM »
Kyle Sabberton was one of 50 chosen to be among the first humans to colonise another world in the distant Alpha Centauri, but to make the journey they would all need to be able to survive a journey that would take a millennium of space travel.

A new hibernation technology would slow time to a micron of a second, making a lifetimes journey pass by in a less than a minute. As soon as Kyle entered the device, the world outside had changed. Outside of the capsule, he finds that their ship has split open. Mould and vines cover the walls.

Kyle is able to wake several others before exploring the world and finding an Orc-like race to the north. And an Elf-like race to the south. The gods they worship seem unsettlingly familiar. Just where exactly did they land?

(There could be an obvious plot twist. I'll be trying to steer away from that and hopefully make an interesting one.)


I'm just planning on writing this casually on the side. Progress will be slow...
Also, I'm pretty bad at creating interesting characters. I'm thinking the protagonsit will be a cripple and a survivalist who's always positive. Never gives up, but that character can change too.

If any of you guys/gals have cool character ideas. I'd love to hear them. :)

2
FanFics / A Flaw in the Force
« on: May 24, 2018, 07:44:53 PM »
Hi guys,
Hope its ok to post this here. This is a bit of star wars fanfic I wrote after watching episode 2. Hope you guys like it.

A Flaw in the Force
Chapter 1 – Best Kept Secret
Spoiler
It something they never taught you in jedi school. Something you never even learnt in secret, because the truth was that not even the teachers knew and the few they did, they did not want anyone else to find out.

The truth about the force... That if you live long enough, no matter  how devout, how honest and good inside you are, everybody goes dark…

The Jedi order are taught to contain their emotion. For all of his jedi life, Mace Windu had lived by that rule. It wasn’t until the events on Naboo that would change everything for him.

Mace grew up knowing only a few people on his home planet Haruun Kal. He was 4 years old when he met her. Probably the only other kid within 100 miles that was around his age. Her name was  Fiolla. She was a tomboy with tangled messy red hair, a toothy smile and freckles that joined a bit together at the nose. Turns out they both liked the same sorts of things. They would act out fighting in great wars and duelling as pretend Jedis. By the age of 6, the two were inseparable and wild. They would climb the highest trees and explore the deepest of jungles. The two now best friends thought they would be able to spend their whole life playing with each other, but then it happened…

Mace paced around Fiolla carefully watching her movements, constantly changing his grip on the wooden stick in his hand so as not to be caught off guard. His arm still stung in pain from the last successful blow she had landed on him.

‘You’re not going to move first this time?’ said Fiolla with a light chuckle.

‘Hmph… You were just lucky that on that last one.’ Retorted Mace.

‘Oh really?....Let’s see how you do against this!’

Fiolla changed the grip on her stick, turned her feet and pushed off from the dirt forcing her stick forward for an almighty lunge.

It was enough to catch Mace off guard.

‘Force push!’ yelled Mace as he held out his hand at her.

Fiolla went flying back, rolling several times as she hit to floor.

‘Wow…nice acting Fiolla. You almost had me convinced…’

‘I wasn’t…’ said Fiolla who then fell quickly silent as she slowly brought up her hand. The stick she was using had impaled all the way through her right hand. The bottom of the stick had begun to turn a pale red. Fiolla let out pained scream. Uncontrollable tears rolled down her face and she bolted away back toward her home.

‘FIOLLA!, FIOLLAA!!’ yelled Mace, but she just kept running. ‘I’m sorry…’ said Mace softly.

A week later, the ship arrived to take Mace off to Jedi Academy. His parents gave their last goodbyes. Mace could see Fiolla in the distance with a bandaged hand being gripped by her parents.
Fiolla wrestled free and ran towards Mace. Her parents chasing shortly behind.

‘I…I’m sorry about your hand…’ said Mace.

‘I’m sorry too... I shouldn’t of told them about your power. Said Fiolla. Her voice quaking. Her eyes barely containing the watery tears.

‘Promise me we’ll meet again’ said Fiolla

‘I promise…’

Fiolla gives Mace a warm hug

‘I heard that a Jedi never makes a promise they are not certain they can keep… ’

Fiollas parents catch up and cautiously pull her away from Mace and begin escorting her away. She turns around and smiles.

‘See you around Mace Windu.’ She said.

Mace waves at her as she walks away until she is nothing but a featureless silhouette.

A man in a ragged brown cloak gives Mace a light push on his back.

‘It’s time to go young Padawan.’

Once aboard the ship, the man in the cloak takes his hood off and introduces himself. He has a black wiry beard that is starting to gray around the edges.

‘It’s good to have you with us. My name is Sirius. Please don’t be nervous. You’re going to a school to unlock your potential. It’s going to let you see the universe in a whole new light.

Mace looks at him strangely.

‘…It’s a good thing. Trust me.’

When they finally arrived at the academy, Mace couldn’t believe his eyes. Kids around his age juggling blocks with their mind, others were bouncing around walls and rooftops with incredible 20 meter high jumps. As they walked inside, he saw a classroom room where students were making sculptures out of water.
In the hallway, another cloaked individual walks up to Sirius and taps him on the shoulder.

‘Sirius, the c-’

‘Council wants to see me. Brilliant… I’ll be right over.’

As Sirius heads past the individual, he lets out a deep sigh, before heading toward a large room full of Jedi. Some holograms sat in place of the empty seats.

Before entering, he knelt down to the boy.

‘Stay here young one. I’ll be back soon.’

He entered the room and was met with a look of disdain by several of the council members.

‘So you’ve brought a new padawan. How old is he…?’

‘Well he’s 6 bu-‘

‘Is this boy not too old for Jedi training? ‘

‘Oh no. This boy has been training since he was 6 months old boy from Jedi Knight Doth Rhaal.’

‘That Jedi flunky. I thought he was dead.’

‘What of his parents?’
 
‘Dead… Yes, unfortunately they died in the jungle, before he got to know them. I can assure you there won’t be any emotional attachment that would distract him from our jedi teachings. He just needs a teacher.’

‘Powerful in the force I sense. Send him to me, you will. Test him, I must.’

‘As you wish, Master Yoda.’

‘Thankyou Sirius, you are dismissed…’

Sirius grabs Mace from the hallway and takes his to a quiet area of the academy.

‘Mace, can you show me you force power?’

‘I can, but I don’t want to hurt anyone...’

‘It’s ok Mace, I’m a Jedi Master. Show me what you can do…’

‘Alright….’ Says Mace ‘Force push!’ he yells as he holds out his hand towards Sirius.

The power was enough to make Sirius stumble back a few steps despite being ready for it.
‘Wow, that was very good young padawan, but you don’t need to shout it out like you’re some wizard casting a spell. This is the force, not some hocus-pocus magic.’

‘Sorry sir….’

‘Don’t ever apologise to anyone for you gift! Come, let’s go off to meet Yoda. He was my teacher and soon he will likely be yours. You are in good hands now Mace.’

He leads Mace to Yodas quarters and escorts him inside before carrying on his way. Another jedi with a scraggly beard and long blonde hair approaches. Sirius knew him well. His old friend Qui-Gon Jin

‘So, I heard that whole story you just told the council… Were you being ‘Serious?’ said Qui-Gon chuckling under his breath.

‘Oh very good... Making fun of my name again. Very droll. To be honest Qui-gon, it was a bit of a white lie, but the jedi council and their rules are simply absurd. How can we be expected to train babies. You’d think the academy was a day-care centre. Will you keep this secret?

‘I can think of worse things you’ve told me. I will take this secret to my grave Master Dooku…’

Chapter 2 – Chance Encounter
Spoiler
Mace grew becoming a devout disciple and keeper of the Jedi code. After many years, Mace had seen many missions and attained the rank of Jedi Master and had crafted a sabre from a unique amethyst like the one from his dreams. He was now one of the most trusted and respected of the Jedi Council.

At this time Mace was now a man of 42 years old. The council had kept him very busy on missions to keep the balance. More so recently, which had made Mace suspicious that something far more sinister was happening.
A recent mission lead him to Naboo to meet with Queen Amidala. She had many faithful servants. He almost didn’t notice her at first among them, but then there were those freckles, barely visible under all the makeup, but they were there, joining together at the nose. The most unique he had seen in all the galaxy.

She instantly recognised him and smiled politely. Mace nearly tripped as he walked past, but then used the force to make an immediate and discreet recovery. He had never before seen her in this light. So grown up.. She looked beautiful.

He sent her a message on a  piece of paper using the force to kite the message along the floor out of sight of the others. On it was a request to meet in secret on the outskirts of the city on the hill that kissed the stars.
That night he waited patiently on the hill. He tried to meditate to pass the time, but his thoughts were a jumbled mess. He kept asking himself if he gave the right details. What if she didn’t show…What if she does show… What does he say to her…. This is not how a jedi should act...

His scrambled thoughts were quickly silenced by her arrival. She wore white gloves and a pale blue dress that seemed to glimmer in the moonlight at each fold. Her red hair rolled over one brow partially hiding her emerald coloured eyes.

‘You look good Mace.’ She said with a sly smile.

Fiolla stumbled over her dress as she made her way towards him. Mace reacted quickly and grabbed her hand before she fell. He hand felt solid and unnatural. He quickly realised what had happened.

‘Your hand… I’m sorry…’
‘Oh. I didn’t mean for you to... My hand never fully recovered from that day, so my folks had it replaced. Don’t be sorry though! I think it’s kinda kick-ass!

‘If I’d known I’d…’

‘Quit Jedi-ing?’

‘I would!’

‘…If you didn’t have strict Jedi rules I’d kiss you right now. Please know I could never ask that of you.’

Mace leaned in closer and whispered ‘That’s exactly why I would do it.’ He said and smiled.

She gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

‘I’m sorry, I…’

Mace grabbed her and gave her a kiss right back.

The rest of the night they spent chatting and giggling. Talking about their old times. It was the first time in his life he had felt like he truly had something worth living for. Mace had fallen in love.

…It was also the first time he had broken the code. He had always followed the rules that was taught to him. To always keep his emotions in check, but now unchained from those restrictions, Mace had never felt more in tune with the force.

However, there was something deeply unsettling that had come with it. This newly acquired force sensitivity had allowed him to sense a rising in the dark side.  Subsequently Mace began to lose sleep.

He continued to live his life playing the part of the of the strict jedi master, all the while meeting with his beloved in secret. A few months later and Fiolla was now pregnant with twins.  Life was pretty good, however Mace could sense the dark presence growing stronger still. He decided it was no longer safe for his princess, especially now she was expecting…

The next few weeks, Mace spent preparing for the worst. Fiolla didn’t see much of him in this time, but when she did, he looked more and more haggard, until the day came where he asked her to meet her once again on the hill that kissed the stars.

She climbed up the hill that night happy to finally be able to see him again, but when she did see him, Mace did not look so happy.

‘Fiolla, I need you to do something.’

‘Of course. You name it!’

‘I need you to leave.’

‘What! …Are you breaking-‘

‘No no. Of course not.. It’s just... I sense it no longer being safe here. ‘

‘Mace, are you serious? Your starting to scare me…’

‘Listen, Tomorrow morning I need you to go to the starport. They’ll be a man named Londor. He’ll be wearing a sweater the colour of my saber. Take this with you.

Mace hands her a large bag.

‘…Its got some essentials. Some recordings I made for the kids in case…’

‘In case what!? Your coming back to us right!?... Promise me your coming back…’

‘Fiolla, you know I can’t make a promise I’m not sure I can ke-‘

‘Promise me!’

‘I…I promise.’

‘Alright. I…I’ll see you soon Mace Windu.’

Fiolla smiled and did her best to hold back the tears. She gave him a kiss on the cheek, before the two parted ways.

Not long after, Maces suspicions were confirmed. A fellow Jedi named Anakin Skywalker had advised him that the Chancellor was in fact Darth Sidious. Preparing for the worst, Mace gathered some elite Jedi knights to confront and arrest the Chancellor, but Sidious was not to be underestimated. 

The jedi group crashed into Palpatines quarters.

"In the name of the Galactic Senate of the Republic, you're under arrest, Chancellor." Boomed Mace.

The Chancellor gave them a wicked stare and the jedi lit up the lightsabers in response.
“Are you threatenting me, Master Jedi?”

With a quick flick of the wrist the chancellor had already list his saber and struck down one Jedi. His saber giving off a ominous red glow. A faint smell of burnt flesh filled the air as the surviving jedi paced around the Darth lord.

For a moment the remaining jedi succumbed briefly to the dark side. Seeing their comrade and long-time friend slain before their eyes was enough to trigger a rage that had silently been building up inside of them.
They lept at the chancellor with beastly ferocity, but they too were struck down just as quickly as the first, leaving only Mace and Palpatine staring each other down as they circled each other over the burnt corpses.
The chancellor made the first move, using the force to fly through the air like a bullet. It reminded him of Fiollas great lunge at him and also why he needed to fight on. With a quick shuffle of his feet, Mace narrowly dodges the blow. He swings at Palpatine as he passes. Their sabres connect with this squeal like the sound of lava on meeting ice.

In his frustration, Palpatine begins attacking in a frenzy and though he fought like a demon and moved like a god but Maces will was stronger. He needed to survive, because there was someone waiting for him and there was a promise he needed to keep.

As victory was his grasp, it quickly dissipated as one of their most trusted jedi disciples betrayed him. Anakin Skywalker severed his lightsabre arm, giving Mace no way to defend himself.  The Chancellor quickly taking the opportunity to burn him with lightning. Mace felt himself falling from the skyscraper. Each muscle in his body had merged together in a sticky burnt mess. He knew most of his nerve endings had been fried but he still felt an indescribable pain.

He mumbled his final words to the rapidly shrinking clouds above. ‘I’m sorry Fiolla….’

On a distant planet, the pregnant Fiolla felt her heart snap and this overwhelming feeling of loss come over her. She knew only too well what it meant. Her beloved would no longer come back to her and the universe was no longer safe…

Chapter 3 – The Windu Twins
Spoiler
Years later, Fiolla and her twins remain in hiding. They do not visit any towns speak with any other apart from themselves. They live off the land and off the grid. Both children were blessed with an affinity to the force.

A freckled boy with fiery messy red hair much like herself but with an even fiery temperament. She named him “Muave” after his father’s beloved saber. Fiolla worries he may venture down the wrong path.

His twin sister would be his polar opposite. She had mocha coloured skin, tidy long black hair and was extremely studious and devout. Fiolla named her Hope and prayed they could stay safe until they all grew old together.

“Guys, its around that time…Are you ready to do some training with your father?” said Fiolla.

“Yes!” said Hope.

“Yeah… I guess” said Muave noticeably less enthused.

Mace, being someone that was always prepared had recorded numerous holo-tapes in case he should never return. They contained lessons on using the force, a saber and a training droid.

Fiolla hated the thought her children might one day have to use this training to fight for their lives. It was, however nice that she could see him again, even if it was only a recording.

During their practice, Muave took a break and tapped Fiolla on the shouler…

“Mum?”

“What is it Dear?”

“What was Dad like? I know we have these holos…. But what was he really like?’

“Well…I guess I’d say that your father was a good man.. Well, he maybe loved his sabre a little too much...no, jokes aside he was a great Jedi, an even greater husband and I think he would have made an even better father. I wish you could of met him. He would of been so proud of you both.”

Muave gave a wide toothless grin before running back to his training.


Many years passed…
Muave is now a fiery teen with a quick temper. Hope does her best to keep him in check. Both have come far with their training, but Hope has surpassed Muave in force attunement, much to his disgruntlement.

For all these years they were able to remain hidden, but today is different. Fiolla lie sick in bed, the medicine they need is in town. She asks Hope to go and to make sure she stay inconspicuous.

“Why can’t I go?! I’ve never been to the city!” says Muave

“I need someone to look after me.”

“Hope can stay and I’ll go!”

“Enough!*Cough, *cough. Fiolla go! Remember what I told you.”

Muave angrily storms out the room. Hope kisses Fiolla on her forehead before setting out.

“I’ll be back soon mum. Take care of yourself.”

After half a days trek, Hope makes it to the city. Never had she seen so many people before. So many creatures and markets. It was a little overwhelming at first, but she quickly became enamoured by it. However, she remembered what her father had taught her. That she needed to keep her emotions in check and she had an important mission she needed to get done.

As she waded through to the city centre she couldn’t help but feel eyes were upon her. She quickened her pace and made her pathing increasingly sporadic. Her suspicions were confirmed as she felt a presence follow her down an empty alleyway.

As the pursuer got close, she pounced forcing the individual to the ground. The impact like a heavy log.

“*pant, *cough. What’s the big idea sis?”

“Muave! What the hell are you doing following me!?”

“heh, Thought you could use the help. Two jedis are better than one after all.”

“*sigh. Fine just stay out of trouble. “

As the two make their way to the medicine shop, Hope notices Muave eating on an apple.

“Hey, where did you get that? Did you use what I think?”

“Relax sis, the force is meant to be used for good. Getting an apple to feed someone hungry, ie… me, is a good deed.”

“Oh Muave… please. Just promise me you wont use your power again.”

“geez sis, its not like I-“

“please, just don’t do it again!”

“Alright, fine…”

Muave kept his word and did not use his powers the rest of the day, but it was too late. Someone noticed and the word about this got out to a most horrifying individual…

Chapter 4 – Hope to despair
Spoiler
As they made their way back home, they reminisced about the town and all the people there. They talked about going back there once mum was better.

When they neared home, they noticed signs that something was wrong. There was an extra set of footprints among theirs. A tracker had traced their steps. When they made it home, they found the window was smashed, the door was broken in. Muave felt his chest tighten and his heart start to beat faster as they cautiously made their way closer.

“Come in, come in…” said an unfamiliar voice.

“I know you’re out there. I can feeeel your presceeence…”

“Come in if you miss your mommy…”

Hope grabbed a stick while Muave grabbed a rock. The two cautiously entered the house, only to find a black skinned Twi’lek with ruby coloured eyes holding a knife to their mother’s throat.

“Tut, tut, no need for the hostilities…Drop your weapons.

Their hearts sank at the image before them. After a short pause, they dropped their weapons.
“What do you want!?” shouted Hope

The Twi’lek held some communication equipment up to his mouth.

“I’ve got them. A goody too shoos the mum named hope, and the other named Muave, a potential candidate.”
Fiolla looked at them wearily. It was obvious from her eyes that he had tortured her for information.

“Run” Gasped Fiolla.

“Ruuuunn!!!” she screamed as she stabbed the Twi’lek in the leg with a fork.

The mum pushed away from his grasp, but the Twi’lek simply held out his hand in the air and she was frozen. A subtle movement of his fingers caused a sickly sounding snap from Fiollas neck. Her lifeless body slumped to the floor.

Without a moments hesitation , Hope pulled her fathers saber from nearby and began savagely striking at the Twi’lek. She gave him barely enough time to pull out his own saber to defend himself. He was a strong and experienced sith combatant but she was a monster.

She attacked in a frenzied state using only one hand to strike at him with her saber. The twi-lek was barely able to fend off her attacks by gripping his saber with two hands, however Hopes free hand enabled her to use the force to pull cutlery into his undefended sides. He had never seen someone so in tune with the force.
Moments later, he lay at her feet in a bloody mess. Knives, forks and all sharp instruments had punctured through his legs, back and arms. He looked like a porcupine of cutlery. Hope had missed all his major arteries, because she had wanted him to suffer.

“Hmfph…*aaah. Your too late… *ah…They’re already coming for you…haha”

The whirring sounds of TIE fighters could be heard whizzing past outside.

“Run from here, Muave. Run and hide! I’m not done here yet!”

Her voice had become a deep croak. The darkness had crept into her. He watched briefly as she began to slowly burn the attackers leg off causing an agonized scream from the Twi’lek.

Muave ran barely able to see forward from the tears that covered his eyes. He looked up to see a great monolith of a star destroyer in orbit above the planet like an unnatural sword shaped moon. He hid in the trees as storm troopers swarmed past him and even though he was now miles from home, he could still hear the Twi’leks tortured screams.

Storm troopers arrived outside the twins home to the be greeted by the smell of burnt twi’lek flesh. They surrounded the home and then a small elite group headed inside.

“Are you next!?” said Hope maliciously

The squad leader found her leaning on a severed leg. A soft whimpering could be heard in the corner of the room. There they found the remains of the twi’lek, just a torso and his head crying weakly. It caused the squad leader the need to immediately run out, take off his helmet and throw up.

The storm troopers that surrounded the house outside began to shuffle aside leaving a gap. From the gap, a mysterious Sith Lord appeared. He was shrouded in black rags that covered his body and face. He walked like someone who could barely stand. If it weren’t for his entourage, one might easily mistake him from a street beggar, but it also this appearance that made him easily recognisable as one of the upper echelons of the sith.
The Sith lord began hobbling toward the house seemingly getting stronger with each step. He enters the home to find five soldiers pointing a gun toward Hope.

“Tell your men to lower their weapons or I’ll cut their arms off.”

“Soldiers, lower your weapons!”

The soldiers looked toward each other before one of them gave a subtle nod. They slowly put them down.
“You may leave.” Said the Sith lord

“Sir I-“

The lord glared at him causing the soldiers to quickly scurry away. They had learnt the hard way not to question a siths orders, yet he had almost made the mistake. They left the house thankful there were no fatal repercussions as a result.

Inside the home, the sith gleefully inspected the premises.

“I love what you’ve done with the place.”

“So you’re the one that thinks they’re going to kill me.”

“On the contrary, I want you to join us.”

Hopes saber lit up like the sound of a hurricane in a wind tunnel. The next second she was attacking the lord with the same ferocity she had previously displayed. She was strong, perhaps even stronger than him, but the lord had a few tricks at his disposal.

He snapped a sink faucet and used the force to disperse the water. After a few narrow dodges from Hopes saber, he crackled lightning from his fingertips leaving her incapacitated and twitching on the floor.

“I think I understand you young jedi. You want to change the cruel fate of the universe, but you need power to do it. Join us and you will attain that power. The power of the dark side…”

“*gasp…I’ll do it… I’ll join you.”

“Oh? I expected you’d need more convincing. Welcome to the Empire Muave”

“It’s Hope. My name is Hope…”

Chapter 5 – A Galaxy far far away…
Spoiler
Hope joining their ranks was a great prize for the Sith. They had expected an ill-tempered rebellious jedi to join, but not Hope which intel had advised, was the polar-opposite of this. It meant that perhaps someone that was seemingly incorruptible could be corrupted and the potential for Sith recruitment could reach new heights of power.  They just needed to find a weak point. It also meant this Sith lord was one step closer to proving his theory.

The Sith Lord stepped on board his personal shuttle with Hope in tow. A storm trooper places a bloody rug-sack on one of the seats ships, taking care to strap it tightly in for the ride. Garbled whimpering can be heard coming from the sack.

“Oh, hush now Zuhuca. You certainly did a number on him.”

Hope stares quietly at the Sith Lord.

“Right, I suppose should introduce myself. My name is Magus. Forgive me if I am a little guarded around you. It is very rare for a jedi to convert so readily.”

Hope remains still, hiding all emotion.

“Your brother will come to the dark side…in time.”

“You better stay away from him.”

“Even if we don’t find him, he’ll turn. We all do eventually.”

“Why do you sith have the need to lie?”

“Oh? Let me tell you a story. I was just a young boy at the jedi academy when I first noticed it…”

“There was a jedi master there. Very short but looked up to by everyone as if he were 10 feet tall. His name was Yoda. You probably know of him. It seems everybody does. I was just a boy at the time when I noticed it. Yoda was a very composed and accomplished teacher, but whenever something didn’t go his way, he would retreat to his quarters briefly before returning. One day, I deliberately broke something of his. He then retreated and I followed him…

In his personal quarters, he began to do the most peculiar thing, He clutched at his head and it looked like he was screaming, but without making a sound. He then took a deep breath and began counting backwards. He then headed back to the classroom like nothing had ever happened, but curious I was, so I did it again and I kept doing it. Yoda began to practice saying the alphabet backwards. Soon he began to speak sentences backwards, then one day when he came to class, that had become the way that he spoke.

And here’s my theory. Everybody goes dark. Yoda knew this and he was already petering on the edge. His simple meditation trick was only going to take him so far. The sith annihilation of the Jedi order would be enough to push him over…

He hated that he had to run and hide. He hated they killed his pupils and was angry that they destroyed the jedi order he had worked so hard to build.

Yoda knew he would go dark and exiled himself on Dagobah, destroying his ship to make sure he would not join the sith and their destructive reign on the galaxy. For 2 decades he remained there, tainted by the darkness, full of rage. For a long time Yoda fought his dark side urges, before confronting it in a cave on Dagobah. He fought his dark side self but realised that it was not something that could be beaten with sheer strength or will. It was only when he accepted it as a part of him that he could find peace.”

“You sure do talk a lot Sith.”

“Hmm, I’m still not sure why you’ve joined us, but you will see our way in time…”

Years pass…
The war between the Rebellion and the Empire have made it to the furthest reaches of the galaxy. The rebel fleet has been all but annihilated. The empire have sent a massive ground assault to destroy the last rebel stronghold.

Hope moves across the battlefield like wind on water. Each ripple like a tidal wave of destruction. With the sword as her shield and the force as her weapon, her enemies fall to the floor like leaves in autumn. She roams around the battlefield with a single purpose, and then she senses it. However, it is not on the battlefield as expected. She follows her sense to the outskirts of the fight and finds a dimly lit cave. There she finds him…

His face is still scarred from the last confrontation she had with him. Over a thousand woman and children huddle together behind him.

“Hello my…dear…brother”

“Hello Hope…”

“My name is Darth Relius now. I thought I told you that last time, or did my lightning fry a few too many brain cells.”

“Please, sister…do what you will with me, but these people. They’re the family of the soldiers I’ve been tasked to protect. They have nothing to do with any of this…”

“I wish I could, but Rebels breed rebellions. They too must be destroyed.

“…why are you doing this?”

“Hmm… At first it was to avenge our parents, but after thinking more about it, I realised the Empire will keep going until someone changes it from the inside, but then after a while I finally realised what they are trying to do.”

“…”

“The ships we build, the new technology we create. It serves one purpose. To fuel a never-ending war. Even trade and cargo ships have shields and weapons for taking on laser fire. Before the empire, there was constant in-fighting amongst various groups in the galaxy. What if there was only one group?”

“You don’t see it do you?”

“What’s that?”

“You’ve allowed yourself to become a pawn of the dark-side. You were too far gone to notice.”

“I admit the Empire does some horrible things, things I wish never to have to repeat, but a Universe united, even under a horrible, rule is better than one divided.”

“Heh.. I always use to think you were the smart one of use…”

Their sabres lit up almost synchronously and they began to pace around each other carefully looking for any subtle movements. A twitch of one of their fingers sends them both into a dance of deadly acrobatics and sabre flurries.

Muave sensed an attack from coming from elsewhere in the cave and with lightning reflexes, brought his sabre in to deflect the hit.

The next moment, he felt his body falling to the floor. None of limbs responded. He was completely paralysed. Was this another force user or did his sister land a blow Muave thought to himself. He did not think he was injured. He could not feel any pain. A moment later and his sister suffered the same fate, falling down on the floor next to him with a thud.

“What did you do to me!?” Hope Sneered.

“You mean it wasn’t you? Than who th-“

‘It’s strange. I didn’t even sense anything. Is this a master that can hide their presence?’ Hope thought to herself.

“I’ve been watching you for a while now, and its impressive what you boys can do with this force, but there is something that you are missing…” says the individual

“Who are you!!??...” screamed Hope

‘Do you wonder why you think the force gives you power when you embrace the darkness in you? All the hate. All the rage….?’

“…Because it does give me power!" says Hope defiantly.

“Yes! I think your probably right!”

“What!? Just finish me you Sith son of a b*tch” screams Muave.

“I’m not Sith and I’m not a Jedi. I’m just a guy that wants to give you some advice. …See I think you’ve both got it wrong. A Jedi is told not to embrace their anger, Sith embrace only what gives them more power.”

“…Your point!??”

“There are clues in the force. Your emotions may give you power and there is a whole spectrum of human emotion. Don’t deny these emotions. Embrace them all. Become who you were meant to be! It will make you one with the force and the force will be one with you.

Hope, I know deep down your trying to do the right thing. We saw you try to rescue those people on Endor, and that you’re afraid. You’re afraid of the Empire and what they will do if the war drags on.”

“Who do you think you are! You think you know me!?”

Hope tries to hide her tears but because she is unable to move her limbs yet, she tries desperately to dig her face into the ground.

‘So, you’ve been watching us, then you of all should know… The alliance is in ruins! There are barely a handful of ships left that can fight and their forces number in the tens of thousands. What good will a few more ships do?’ says Muave

‘They’re not your ordinary run of the mill ships…’ says the stranger.

‘Who are you!?’ says Hope

‘Where did you come from!?’ says Muave

‘My name is James T. Kirk. I come from a galaxy far, far away…’

To be continued…

I know its quite long and I'm not the best writer. Hope you still all like it. Let me know what you think.  ;D

3
Develop Your Story / Deifics
« on: May 03, 2018, 05:38:42 AM »
Hi all. I'm very new to this site. I am writing a manga called "Deifics". It's a fairly dark manga about a world similar to x-men, but where people evolved too quickly and many used their power for their own selfish gain.

About Deifics.
Spoiler
Deifics is a shoenen manga set in the world where everyone has developed some kind of super power, but where a majority used their powers selfishly causing a collapse of society. The story takes place roughly 20 years after world order was restored with the heroine of the story seemingly having no power.

General Synopsis/1st Arc Synopsis
Spoiler
The new world caused a great divide between people. No longer by wealth, but by an individuals new gift. Meet Will. Will is a bitter 16 yo teen. His parents went missing years ago and he's now being looked after by a teacher named Sampson.
The average human develops some kind of power by the age of 10-12, but Will was 16 now and had no such gift. He tries practicing everyday to bring his power out. He hopes to one day receive the gift that will allow him to get revenge on whoever made his parents disappear
At nights he has this strange dream like a memory. In this dream, he is just a boy. He's scared. He remembers a small body lying next to him. He can’t see their face.

One day at school everything would change. He saves someone from an S rank bully who swears murder on him. He's targeted by a secretive organization for assassination and is saved by a girl he has never met, who has been looking for him for a very long time...
 

I'm a bit apprehensive about sharing more, just because I don't think my writing is good enough for you guys, but if you are curious, here is my very rough script.

Book 1
Spoiler
Deifics
PAGE ONE (4 Panels)
Panel 1. Scene of a man walking through the streets. Each step causing the ground to crack and building windows to shatter…
STORY OVERVIEW CAPTION
The 1st documented “deific-human?” made his appearance in June of 2020. It was a day no-one would ever forget. It was like a god had spawned on earth.
Panel 2. Scene of footsteps causing ground to crack and particles of earth to lift.
Panel 3. Side view of man with glass windows of buildings shattering in the foreground
Panel 4. Behind view of the man with a police/military blockade setup in front of him.
PAGE TWO (4 Panels)
Panel 1. Scene of the police with their guns pointed.
Police officer with microphone: Put your hands up slowly where we can see them.
Panel 2. Scene of man lifting his hands and the rumble of the ground trembling as he does.
Panel 3. Policeman panics and opens fire.
Panel 4. The rest follow and all are now firing.
PAGE THREE (4 Panels)
Panel 1. Scene of the man stomping the ground
Panel 2. The earth cracks open and protrudes earth from under a vehicle forcing the car to jump up for the ground blocking some of the gunfire
Panel 3. Some stray bullets get past crippling the man.
Panel 4. Scene of man in handcuffs being escorted by heavily armed soldiers.
Caption
After a dramatic confrontation with the police and military, he was quickly subdued and taken away, never to be seen again. However, he would not be the last.
Man: I didn’t want this. I never asked for this….
PAGE FOUR
Panel 1: Scene of a few people looking bewildered as the find themselves with some kind of power. Bystanders look shocked as they watch.
Caption: His appearance marked the dawn of a new age referred to as the “Deific Era” as more and more people began to develop some kind of power.
Panel 2: Scene of people flying, swimming, surfing in the air. Kids playing using some unusual powers
Caption: Within 10 years, the entire human population over 9 years of age had developed some kind of power.
Panel 3: Scene of city on fire and smoke billowing in the distance.
Caption: The sudden rise of radicals with sometimes overwhelming powers caused policing crime and chaos to become near impossible. .
PAGE FIVE (4 Panels)
Panel 1: Close shot of a hand with a floating bloody knife on his fingertips
Panel 2. Close up of a man with yellow eyes and a wicked smile. Cowering people in the foreground
Yellow-eyed man: I once got told that it’s a dog eat dog world and the alphas always on top.
Panel 3. Man with yellow-eyes licking the blood from the knife.
Old man: Please, let us be. We’ll give you whatever you want!
Yellow-eyed man: Sorry, but this old dog is hungry…
Panel 4: Yellow-eyed many twists his hand slightly to send the spinning dagger flying
PAGE SIX (1 Panel)
Panel 1. Yellow eyed man and his gang watch as the dagger spins back with a severed heart. The cowering people in the background are horrified. An old man lies on the floor oozing blood.
Yellow-eyed man: To let you live is like living with rats. You serve no benefit to this world. You just eat, *censored* and spread your filth. WHY would I WANT you to live IN MY HOUSE!??
PAGE SEVEN
Panel 1. Close up of Yellow-eyed man pointing dagger at the cowering people.
Yellow-eyed man: kill these vermin.
Panel 2. Same scene. Yellow-eyed mans eyes move.
Yellow-eyed man: Guys?
Panel 3. Yellow-eyed man turns around. Zoom out to show all his henchmen are dead. Crowd of shadowy figures have gathered around him.
Yellow-eyed man: You….Yo-Your’e just like me. Why protect these rats!?
PAGE EIGHT
Panel 1. A blade skewers the yellow-eyed man.
SFX: Bleaah
Panel 2. Zoom out. City streets chaos. A gathering of people with powers try to save cowering citizens using their powers.
Caption:  It took the combined efforts of a few good-hearted individuals. People whose past lives were helping people. They may have been Doctors, teachers, psychologists, Nurses… They would have likely not harmed a single soul in their old life. Now, despite all their good intentions, they would be forced to do horrible things, to bring the world back.

PAGE NINE
Panel 1. The protagonist (a 16 year old boy) Will attempts to bring powers as he watches kids his age outside playing with their specials.  (Will tries a Kamehameha pose.)
Caption: Present Day
Panel 2. It’s now night time. Will is still trying to bring a power out. (Will tries Xavier head pointing gesture, trying to make a flower pot move)
Panel 3.: Sampson knocks on the door
Panel 4: Sampson opens the door a little (..and sees Will in a Ginyu pose)
Sampson: It’s bedtime Kiddo.
Panel 5. Sampson tucks will into bed.
Sampson Goodnight Will.
PAGE TEN
Panel 1. Will lies in bed
Caption: If is very rare for teens and older to have no superpower, but ‘Will Livingston’ Seemed to have no gift
Panel 2. Will closes his eyes and sleeps.
Panel 3. Image of a black void
PAGE ELEVEN (5 Panels)
Panel 1. A frightened Will as a child stands near a lake in the rain
WILLS CAPTION

I always have this dream like a memory. In this dream, I am just a boy. I'm scared. I remember a small body lying next to me. I can’t see their face.
Panel 2. Alarm buzzes
Panel 3. Will hits alarm with one hand and rubs his eyes with the other
WILLS CAPTION
The strange thing is....
Panel 4. Will looks up trying to recall memory
WILLS CAPTION
Whenever I try to remember that time when I was a boy...
Panel 5. Black hole
WILLS CAPTION
... all I can see is this void.
PAGE TWELVE(6 Panels)
Panel 1. Sampson busts into room with some breakfast.
Sampson: C'mon kiddo, were late! Let’s go!
Panel 2. Will puts on school shirt. Sampson adjusts tie
WILLS CAPTION
This is my carer. His name is Sampson. He is also one of my teachers at school.
Panel 3. Will and Sampson are riding bicycles to school.
Sampson: Oh man, I feel like my bicycle this morning… Too Tired!
Will looks down at Sampson with a look of shame
WILLS CAPTION
He's a bit goofy and he tells some lame jokes, but I think he's one of the good ones...
Panel 4. Sampson crashes bicycle into Will.
WILLS CAPTION
...but he can be a little clumsy.
Panel 5. Angry Will. Apologetic Sampson.
WILLS CAPTION
However...
Panel 6. They arrive at the school gates. Some students fly in, some float, some slide...etc
WILLS CAPTION
...there is something that he's hiding from me.
PAGE THIRTEEN
Panel 1. Text: Earlier that day... (Introduction to Gun-Girl)
 Radio: Iron1 are you clear?
Gun-Girl stands in a dilapidated bullet-ridden building. Her guns are smoking. A stranger lies at her feet beaten and bloody.
GUN GIRLS CAPTION
Piece of cake!
Radio: Good, Somethings come up. We got a code yellow 10 clicks south-west of your position. Think you can make it?
GUN GIRLS CAPTION
On it!
Gun-girl leaps athletically from building to building.
A large high calibre sniper rifle is setup on the rooftops and Gun-girl looks at people on the streets below.
GUN GIRLS CAPTION
What's the target?
Radio: Your target  is a teen, messy black hair,180cm, lanky. He’ll be riding a blue bicycle and is escorted by a messy looking adult man, with a red tie, riding a red bicycle. Observe but DO NOT take the shot until you know the targets weakness.
Gun-girls scope zooms in on the two riding their bicycles to school...

PAGE FOURTEEN: (6 Panels)
Panel 1. Will and Sampson are parking their bicycles.
Will: Hey Teach?
Panel 2. Walking towards classroom.
Will: Whatever happened to my parents?
Sampson: I promise I will tell you when you're older...When you're ready to know.
Panel 3. The go separate ways and head towards their own classes.
WILLS CAPTION
Whenever I ask, I always hear that same generic response.  Thing is...
Panel 4. Will comes across 2 super students bullying another down a quiet corridor.
Panel 5. Will scrunches up a piece of paper/ rubbish in his hand
WILLS CAPTION
I have an idea of what might of happened to them.
Panel 6. Tosses rubbish over his shoulder
PAGE FIFTEEN
Panel 1. Will eyes off the 2 bullies.
WILLS CAPTION
The new world created thousands of these people
Panel 2. With one closed fist, Will charges towards the bullies from their blind spot. A rubbish trail can be seen behind him.
WILLS CAPTION
People that prey on whoever is weaker than them…
Panel 3. Wills fist makes contact with one of the bullies faces.
SFX: KRAK
WILLS CAPTION
If I found out that it was people like this that hurt my family...
Panel 4. Bully 1 clutches his now bloody nose. Bully 2 looks at him un-phased.
Panel 5. Close up of Will. Fire in his eyes.
WILLS CAPTION
I will make them burn.
PAGE SIXTEEN
Panel 1. Bully 1 teleports behind will, locking his arms.
Bully 1. Kill him. Kill this *censored*er!
Panel 2. The walls begin to freeze over and particles of snow begin twisting through the air.
Panel 3. One of the female teacher’s steps onto the scene. In one hand is a pile of rubbish that Will made. In the other hand are frozen icicles spinning around the palm of her hand
Teacher: What's going on here!? Are you boys fighting!?
Panel 4. Bully 1: No Maam. Just Practicing our supers is all.
Bully 2: Remains silent.
Panel 4. The air around the teacher starts to freeze over. Teachers voice becomes deeper.
Frost Teacher: Well, don't let me catch you out here outside of class time again. You won't like me if I do.

PAGE SEVENTEEN (6 Panels)
Panel 1. Bullies begin walking away.
Bully 1: Tch.. This isn't over
Bully 2: Stares silently back at them. 
Panel 2. Will helps victim up.
Panel 3. Focus on teachers hand holding Wills rubbish.
Panel 4. Angry look of frost teacher.
Frost Teacher: Was that you that made that rubbish trail?
Will: It was me…. I’m sorry.
Panel 5: Teacher smiles and winks
Frost teacher: quick thinking. I’ll let you off the hook this time, now hurry up, get to class.
Panel 6. Frost teacher walks off down the hall.

PAGE EIGHTEEN
Panel 1. Yuto dusts himself off.
Yuto: Th...Thankyou. No-ones ever stood up for me like that before...You sh-shouldn't have.
Panel 3. Will gives a cheesy smile.
Will: Hey, Don't mention it.  My name is Will by the way.
Panel 4. Yuto gives a concerned look over his face.
Yuto: My name is Yuto, and really you should not of helped me...
Panel 5. Left side of Yutos face as he describes Bully 1 using his power to beat someone
Yuto: That guy with the teleport ability. His name is Franky O'Hare and he is as violent as they come.
Panel 6. Right side of Yutos face as he describes Bully 2.
Yuto: The second guy is Malid Botha. They are both Demi level. His power is unknown because no one has seen it and lived.
PAGE NINETEEN. (5 Panels)
Panel 1. Yuto describes past schools where even the teachers were afraid of them. 
Yuto: They've moved through several schools because each was too scared to take them in.
Panel 2. Yuto puts his head down and cries a little.
Yuto: I am sorry you got involved in this. I hope nothing happens to you.
Panel 3. Will puts a reassuring hand on Yutos shoulder.
Will: We all gotta look out for each other. The more of us that have each others back, the less jerks like these have any power over us and If I had the chance again I would do exactly the same thing a million times over.
Panel 4. Yuto gives a teary eyed smile
Panel 5. Yuto and Will begin to head to class and wave goodbye to each other.
Yuto: Thankyou Will. I'll see you around.
Will: See you around Yuto.
PAGE TWENTY
CAPTION
Earlier that day...
Introduction to Elsie.
Panel 1. Elsie is walking down an alley. There are 2 shady looking figures in the distance leaning against a wall
Panel 2. The two thugs get off the wall to block Elsies path.
Thug1:  My, my, we got a pretty one says one of the thugs while licking at his knife
Thug2: Ready for some entertainment missy? You being the entertainment... heh.
Elsie: Look, I don't want any trouble.
Panel 3. Thugs start closing in on Elsie
Thug1: Trouble? No trouble at all (he says while unzipping his fly)
Elsie: You guys must be class A Supers or really insanely stupid to try that in this day and age?
Thug2: Oh-ho spunky. I like that. I'll give you some more. heh.
Panel 4. Elsie is leaving the Alley. The two thugs are now look like corpses behind her drained to the bone of all fluid?
Elsie: Be quiet voice in my head, I have things to do!
Panel 5. She notices some blood on her now torn jumper.
Panel 6. Elsie throws the jumper into a nearby trashcan.
Elsie: Assholes. I really liked that jumper.
Next Elsie is walking to school with a map of the school grounds. Elsie has arrived late to school and it has already started.  A large school clock shows she is perhaps an hour late. Perhaps Gun-girl can be see scouting the campus...

PAGE TWENTY ONE. (6 Panels)
CAPTION
Schools now have classes A-F bases on an individual’s power with A being where the most powerful students and F being the polar-opposite.
Panel 1. Will opens the door to class F. Room is full of odd looking students. Students with bones for hair. Eyebrows that jut out from the forehead. Nails that have grown out like claws (Basically full of mildly powered supers... Draw what you think makes sense)
Panel 2. Will takes his seat.
WILL CAPTION
Ah, Class F. A place that schools put mildly powered super students they don't know what to do with. All the teaching done here is based on the pre-super era.
Panel 3. Teacher starts scribbling maths equations.
Panel 4. Will falls asleep.
Panel 5. Elsie enters the room slamming the door behind her and waking up Will.
Elsie: Sorry I’m a little late. Is this class F?
PAGE TWENTY TWO (5 Panels)
Panel 1:Elsie is still standing at the doorway leading into the classroom.
WILL CAPTION
There stood a beautiful blonde girl seemingly free of all imperfections unlike the other everyone else around.
Teacher: Ah, you must be Elsie. Please take a seat. You can find one up the back.
Panel 2:
Elsie takes a seat next to Will and causes him to blush a little.
Panel 3:
Elsie taps Will on the shoulder.
Eslie: Excuse me, can you help me catch up with what I’ve missed?
Panel 4:
Will: Wha.. me ..er Oh yeah.. we numbers learning….
Will becomes extremely flustered
Panel 5:
Elsie: um… I see… Thanks?
PAGE TWENTY THREE (3 Panels)
Panel 1:
Elsie turns away.
Will starts clawing at his head and mumbling to himself. (‘stupid, stupid!’)
Panel 2:
Elsie looks over to catch an even more embarrassed Will with hair splayed all over the place.
Will: (Trying to sound cool. ) Hey, Sup…?
Panel 3:
Speaker: Attention all students. Alice Noa is here on behalf of the Government for our routine checks. Please report to the testing assembly and await further instructions.

PAGE TWENTY FOUR (5 Panels)
CAPTION
Throughout the year schools will hold random ability assessments to judge an individual’s usefulness to society. The tests are always different each time.
Panel 1. The students enter a giant towering stadium with towering robots/tanks, a diamond plated barb-wire pit. Several walls of varying thickness
PAGE TWENTY FIVE
Panel 1. Will struggling through the barb-wire maze getting cuts as he slowly progresses.
WILL CAPTION
I always hated these tests.
Panel 2. Will face planting against the 1st wall from the varying walls.
Panel 3. Will running around from giant robots with lasers.
Panel 4. Teacher about to push the stopwatch.
Teacher. Ready, set, g-
Panel 5. Jayden seems to blink past the barbed obstacle to the teacher.
Jayden. I’m done.
PAGE TWENTY SIX
Panel 1. Malid casually walks through the walls of varying thickness
Panel 2. Franky teleports past all the military robots/tanks to get to the end-zone.
Panel 3. Speaker interrupts Will who is still trying to complete the course.
Speaker. Thankyou for your participation today. We would also like to give a huge round of applause to the few that beat the test! Each will be given one million RB and will be immediately taken to the prestigious Gaia school. Please give your congratulations to Franky O'Hare, Malid Botha and Jayden Finn
SPEAKER ANNOUNCEMENT CAPTION
We would like to interrupt today's classes to make an important announcement. The Government have chosen 3 of our top Super Students to advance to the prestigious God level, World Building school.
Panel 5. Students begin clapping
SPEAKER ANNOUNCEMENT CAPTION
Please put a hand together for Franky O'Hare, Trenton Bales and Jayden Finn
Panel 6. Students in Class F gather at the windows where a prestigious Limo Helicopter has landed
PAGE TWENTY SEVEN (6 Panels)
Panel 1. Back at class the students are gathered at the windows to see of the students that cleared the course.
Panel 2. Will waves to Jayden and Jayden waves back, before boarding the limousine-like chopper.
Panel 3. Malid and Franky board the chopper. Franky spits on the ground before getting on.
Panel 4. Will feels a female hand on his shoulder.
Panel 5. Female character introduces herself.
Female Char: You're Will right? You know one of them?
Panel 6. Will blushes.
Will: My friend Jayden is boarding that chopper…Can I help you with something?
Panel 7. The two are talking quite close next to the school window.
Elsie: Sorry, I'm fairly new to this school. I'm wondering when they teach power control.
PAGE TWENTY EIGHT (6 Panels)
Panel 1. Will has a dumbfounded look on his face while scratching he head.
Will: Er..El..sie? I think you have the wrong class. They don't teach that here. Not in class F...
Panel 2. The classroom door is suddenly kicked open.
SFX: SLAM
Panel 3. From the doorway steps out a 12 year old girl holding a gun
12 year old girl: Who here is William Livingston?
Panel 4. Elsie is smitten by the girl.
Elsie: Aww, it's a cute little girl. What's your name sweetie?
12 year old: Out of my face bitch!
Panel 5. Elsie has an angry face. There is a sparkle in the 12 yr olds eye as she finds her target.
12 year old: There you are Will. I’m not sure how you keep avoiding my shot.
Panel 6. 12 year old left side face explains assassination attempts.  (eg Bicycle riding crash causes missed bullet when she tries to snipe)
12 YEAR OLD CAPTION
Each time your Dad keeps getting in the way. Each time I have to plan a new way to kill you.
PAGE TWENTY NINE (6 Panels)
Panel 1. 12 year old smiles and she gets ready to shoot.
12 year old: To think that all this time, my target was just a  Class F flunkie. I should of done this sooner.
Elsie: Just wait one sec little missie.
Panel 2. 12 year old sprays bullets. Elsie takes the bullets for Will forcing both Elsie and Will out the classroom window.
SFX:
Blam, Blam, Blam
Panel 3. Elsie pulls out her phone
Panel 4. Elsie smiles and takes a selfie
Will: What the....?
Panel 5. Elsie spins them around in the air so he's on top of her
Panel 6. Elsie is crushed on the concrete one floor below but the Will is alive and well. (You can make this more or less gruesome if you prefer.)
SFX:
Thud, splatter
PAGE THIRTY (6 panels)
Panel 1. Elsie reaches out for something. There are tears rolling out her eyes and blood trickling from her mouth.
Will: Oh god, she's still allive...She must be in pain!
Panel 2. There is a guy leaning casually against the wall outside with his hands in his pockets.
Guy: Nope, that's not it.
Panel 3. Focus on her hand reaching out for something.
Panel 4. Focus on her phone with a cracked screen
Panel 5. Will picks up phone
Will: It's just the screen part that's cracked. It should be easy to replace...
Panel 6. Elsie gives a bloody toothed smile and sigh of relief.
PAGE THIRTY ONE (7 Panels)
Panel 1. Will semi-worried and confused.
Will: Er... Should we call a doctor?
Guy leaning against wall: She'll be fine.
Panel 2. 12 year old jumps out window guns blazing.
Panel 3. Will back steps narrowly avoiding bullets.
Panel 3. 12 year old shoe soles turn into springs.
Panel 4. 12 year old lands dramatically
Panel 5. 12 year old points the gun at Will and shoots but gun is empty.
SFX:
Click
Panel 6. 12 year old begins morphing gun to something else
Panel 7. Gun becomes a blade
PAGE THIRTY TWO (7 Panels)
Panel 1. 12 year old attacks and misses Will with the blade.
SFX:
Swish
Panel 2. 12 year old follows with a leg sweep. The sole of her shoe becomes an ice-skating like blade.
Panel 3. 12 Year olds leg is caught by the Sampson with one hand. The other hand rests casually in his pocket.
Sampson: I can't let you do that.
Panel 4. 12 year old kicks with her other leg and frees herself.
SFX:
Swoosh
Panel 5. 12 year old cartwheels back to a safer distance near the schools metal flagpole.
Panel 6: Close up of Sampson stoic and determined.
Panel 7. Close-up of 12 year old. She's nervous. Sweat trickles down the side of her face.
PAGE THIRTY THREE (6 Panels)
Panel 1. 12 year old morphs a chunk of the flagpole into several ninja stars.
Panel 2. She throws the ninja stars which teach casually dodges as he makes his way forward
SFX:
Swoosh
Panel 3. Flagpole falls past Sampson like timber. Sampson is un-phased. Same determined stoic look.
Panel 4. 12 year old smirks and touches the fallen flagpole
Panel 5. Flagpole is touching bicycle rack behind teach
Panel 6. Several bladed bicycle wheels come flying toward teach from behind
PAGE THIRTY FOUR (Panels 6)
Panel 1. Sampson casually steps around the bladed wheels. Same unchanged stoic face.
Panel 2. Sampson then turns around in with a sudden shocked look upon his face.
Panel 3. Sampson drops to his knees in despair. His hands clutching his head in despair.
Teach: NOOOOOoooooo!!!
Panel 4. Sampson is sulking
Sampson says softly: My favourite red bicycle...
Panel 5. 12 year old rushes toward teaches exposed back with a blade in her hand.
Panel 6. Sampson casually catches her knife hand while still despairing over his bicycle.
Sampson softly: I’ve had that bicycle for 19 years…
PAGE THIRTY FIVE (6 Panels)
Panel 1. Sampson forces 12 year olds hands behind her back.
Sampson: I have a few questions for you before I hand you over to the authorities.
Panel 2. Guy leaning against wall starts walking over to them. Will is in the scene.
Guy: You can't do that. You hand her over to the authorities and she's as good as dead.
Will: Who a...
Panel 3. Guy smiles and introduces himself.
Guy:  Who am I? My name is Ethan Bellamy and I can read people's minds.
Panel 4. Will and Ethan are in the scene.
Will: So what do you propose we do then?
Ethan: Let me talk to her for a bit.
Panel 5. Ethan approaches the 12 year old.
Ethan: She's scared...
12 year old: I'm not afraid of anything!
Panel 6. Ethan asks several questions to the girl.
Ethan: What's your name? Who do you work for? Why did you attack Will?
PAGE THIRTY SIX (6 Panels)
Panel 1. 12 year old remains silent.
Panel 2. Ethan gives everyone answers.
Ethan: Her name is Samara Jane. Code name Gun-Girl. Whoa!... She's a Demi-level assassin, an agent of an independent military task force called ‘Shroud’ to take out potential threats. Her power is to control metal she touches. She's been trained in the use of all firearms. She doesn't know why Will was the target. Heh. She thinks I’m a moron because…. Oh *censored*!
Panel 3. Ethan looks surprised.
Ethan: *censored*, *censored*, *censored*!
Panel 4. Ethan grabs a wire from behind Gun-Girls ear.
Panel 5: Ethan stomping the wire into the ground.
Panel 6: Gun-Girl is crying.
Gun-Girl: Now you've gone and done it. Everyone who has just heard what you have said has been marked by them. We're all as good as dead.
PAGE THIRTY SEVEN(6 Panels)
Panel 1. Ethan tries to calm Gun-Girl down.
Ethan: You know we're all in this together now.
Panel 2. Ethan crouches down to reassure Gun-Girl.
Ethan. Tell you what... You've seen how strong Teach is right?
Panel 3. Gun-Girl nods head while crying.
Panel 4. Ethan puts a reassuring hand on Gun-Girls shoulder.
Ethan: Well from now on your gonna live with Will and Teach. They'll protect you!
Panel 5. Will and teach synchronously shocked.
Will and Teach: WHAAAAAATTTT!!!???
Panel 6. Ethan concerned look.
Ethan: In fact, if this agency is as dangerous as I think it is then it's not a bad idea if we all stick together from now on.
PAGE THIRTY EIGHT (Panels 6)
Panel 1. Focus on Elsie who is now fully healed but looks super skinny and frail.
Eslie: (weakly)...er guys
Panel 2. Will, Teach and others look toward Elsie.
Will: Oh, *censored*! We forgot about Elsie!
Ethan: She needs food and drink.
Panel 3. Sampson gets some food from his lunchbox.
Panel 4. Ethan grabs a hose.
Panel 5. Ethan sprays hose down Elsies throat.
SFX:
Gargle
Panel 6. Elsie starts looking more normal.
PAGE THIRTY NINE (6 Panels)
Panel 1. Elsie is back to normal. Stomach is heavily bloated.
Panel 2. Elsie stands up and starts pulling her larger gut up.
Panel 3. Elsies gut becomes enlarged boobs. Top button of schoolshirt pops out to show cleavage.
Panel 4. Will, Sampson and Ethan are synchronously gobsmacked.
Will, Sampson and Ethan: WHOA!!!
Panel 5. Elsie gives a slap across all 3 of their cheeks in one slap.
SFX:
Slap
Panel 6. Elsie. Arms folded in disgust. Will, Sampson and Ethan hold their swollen cheeks.
Elsie: Jackasses.
PAGE FORTY(6 Panels)
Panel 1. Students start gathering outside around the area.
Panel 2. Frost teach approaches them. She blushes when she sees Sampson
Frost teacher: Hey is everything ok… you piece of crap?(Frost teacher likes Sampson… but has a mild case of torrets around him maybe…?)
Panel 3. Sampson gathers the group.
Sampson: Er.. I'm ok. Just going to get these guys over to the authorities. Shouldn't be a problem.
Frost teacher: I hope you know what you’re doing…Stay safe…you turd in a  burger of poop….
Samson. um… Thanks?
Panel 4. They begin leaving the school grounds A high level powered janito arrives to grudgingly start cleaning up their mess. (Same high-level power will show up to clean up their mess each time after a fight...etc, like a stan lee cameo?)
Panel 5. Gun-Girl tugs on Sampsons sleeve.
Gun-Girl: So where you taking us Gramps?
Panel 6. Sampson is flustered.
Sampson: I'm not old, I'm 43. Still in my prime!
PAGE FOURTY ONE (6 Panels)
Panel 1. Sampson grits teeth.
Gun-Girl: Seems pretty old to me!
Sampson: Tch.
Panel 2. Sampson serious face.
Sampson. If we need somewhere safe, I may know a place. Just till we work out what to do next.
Panel 3. Will and Ethan talk.
Will: Hey Ethan, you said you’re a mind reader, can you read the Teachs mind?
Ethan: The Teach is the one person I can't read. Everything is too jumbled...
Panel 4. Sunsets. They walk to the outskirts of the city
Panel 5. They arrive at a dilapidated wooden house.
Elsie: This house looks creepy.
Panel 6. They are inside the house. Teach begins feeling around the floor.
PAGE FOURTY-TWO (6 Panels)
Panel 1. Teach finds a button under a floorboard.
SFX:
click
Panel 2. Floorboard opens up to reveal stairs going down.
Panel 3. They head downstairs.
Elsie: What is this place?
Panel 4. Sampson turns on the lights to reveal a very modern looking living quarters with a large amount of food supplies. Fridge..etc
Sampson: Years ago when the world went to hell, nowhere was safe. It took a long time for the world to recover. My parents built this place in case the world ever fell apart again.
Ethan: Wow, very cool!
Panel 5. Sampson starts cooking some dinner in the kitchen. The rest gather on some couches.
Will: Hey Ethan, I'm kinda curious what you were doing there in the first place?
Panel 6. Zoom in on Ethan explaining.
Ethan: It's just my spot for listening in. Peoples thoughts can be like listening to your favourite tv drama... Just never thought I'd get stuck inside of one though...
PAGE FOURTY-THREE (Panels 6)
Panel 1. Sampson is suddenly concerned.
Sampson: Everyone, trust me and hold your breath right now!
Panel 2. Close-up of Sampson flipping a secret switch
SFX:
click
Panel 3. Ceiling lights up in flames. Mysterious figure (Somewhat burnt) falls to the floor.
Panel 4. Sampson heroic pose.
Sampson: You chose the wrong people to follow. This place right here was built as a safe-haven from superpowered psychopaths like yourself. Who sent you?
Panel 5. Gun-Girl recognises the face of the stranger.
Gun-Girl: Oh *censored*! That's Spectre. He's an assassin from the syndicate. He can become air, get inside your lungs and kill you from the inside out. Oh-no..no they found us already...
Panel 6. Spectre gives a sly smirk.
Spectre: That's right you traitor bitch, and we'll keep on coming for you...
PAGE FOURTY-FOUR (6 Panels)
Panel 1. Sampson king hits Spectre to knock him out.
Spectre:... until every single one of you is fu..
SFX: Pow
Panel 2. Gun-Girls standing up and looking down with fists clenched.
Gun-Girl:  He's right but, you know...
Panel 2. Gun-Girl touches the fridge.
Gun-Girl: So...
Ethan: Oh god...
Panel 3. Gun girl starts morphing the fridge
Gun-Girl: let's take...
Ethan: Don't say it!
Panel 4. Gun-girl has morphed the fridge into a giant mini-gun and has a crazy smile about her.
Gun-Girl: ...the FIGHT to THEM!
Ethan: Oh man, how did I get caught up in this...?
Panel 5. Group shot of all of them. Sampson is tearing his hair out. Ethan is worried. The rest are keen.
Sampson: O gawd! My fridge! Turn it back! Turn it back!
Gun-Girl: (mumbles) I'm an assassin... I only know how to make weapons...
Will: (Sarcastically) Suppose I could, I'm not doing anything tomorrow.
Elsie: Sure why not?
Ethan: You guys aren't seriously thinking of going ahead with this are you?
Panel 6. (Optional- may be a bit tight) Silhouette of the 5 heroes armed to the teeth leaving, behind Spectre in an air tight glass case
Sampson: You better hope we get back from this. There's only enough air in that case to last 24 hours.

End of Book 1



4
Welcome Center / Nooby
« on: May 02, 2018, 07:40:18 AM »
Hi all! I am very new to this site. I kinda found this site because of a comic book idea I'm trying to make good-ish. I did a google search and this awesome place came up.

I grew up on american comics and got heavily into anime/manga later on. I like anime like 'Youjo Senkai', 'Kiseijuu: Sei no Kakuritsu', 'no game no life' but tend to lean towards more darker anime. I'm slowly reading through 'death mage who doesn't want a fourth time' and 'overlord.

Not sure where to start, but I'm looking for someone to read through my comic idea/ help me write it out.

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