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Topics - PichuDX

Pages: [1]
Manga Creations / Dragon Universe (Shonen)
« on: October 29, 2017, 11:18:54 PM »
[Chapter 1 Post + Introduction]

UPDATE (12/12/17) {~ Happy Holidays ~}

Hey everyone! My names Nathan L. and I'm the author behind Dragon Universe, my current manga project. My team of artists and I have been working diligently for the past year to start this series up, so hopefully you all enjoy it!

A few notes you should keep in mind before you read:

1. The scripts posted here are bit unprofessional, and I realize that. They are written both like a script and with notes all over. I was going to clean it up, but I figured I'd keep it as is. I've found that using this format helps the artists understand more about how to draw the pages, so I thought I'd show you all the full process of how we get that done to help out any future mangaka, if that makes any sense :P. (as a side note, I have removed anything that might spoil later plot points, but besides that most of my work is there. By spoil, I mean anything the reader is not intended to know about while reading the finished product, none of the story was altered, just side notes.)

2. We currently have up to chapter 6 completely edited and finished, with chapters 7 - 55 written up (With notes and some unfinished bits.) If we can get a few people reading along, I'd love to post the scripts here as I finish :D

3. We have tons of artwork and pages done for the manga, If your interested in our work, and are curious what our characters look and interact like, please feel free to look us up on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Dragon-Universe-171809216719052/?ref=bookmarks
Please note that most of our pages are not there, we are waiting until we officially release the manga to show off our hard work to the public! That being said, all of our character designs and concept art is there, which there are a ton of.

4. All comments and criticism is greatly appreciated. there's no point in writing this story if no one enjoys it! We want to make this a great experience, so any feedback you have, please leave so we can review it. Thanks in advance!

- Notice: We are currently looking for volunteers to read through the finalized first chapter, manga pages and all! This is to help us quality check our work. To participate in this, please contact me here or via my email (on my profile page.) You will be required to have a Discord account to be able to discuss with the team live, and have some free time for us to pull you aside and ask some questions. Thank you in advance to any Voluteers~! -

Chapter 1 “DREAM” Start

(The chapter opens on a little girl sitting in a field of flowers. The art style resembles that of a little kid coloring with crayons. The little girl is resembling a younger Yuki. Yuki is looking around the field, picking up flowers as she goes. After a few panels of her picking flowers, a grey fog starts to creep up from behind her. Once it moves past her face, she slowly turns around. As she's turning around I believe three small panels in a row with an intensifying light will work, as her expression changes to show disbelief. Once she's fully turned around, a whole page should be dedicated to her standing, facing a mansion that is lit up in horrifying flames. Yuki should seem small compared to the mansion and flames. The next panel should show the flames in her eyes, and with a close up of her eyes reveal a figure standing in the flames. The view should flip to her perspective, slowly zooming into a sinister looking figure (Make sure he has distorted looking, spiky hair. He should also have something resembling a chain coming from his pocket attaching to his waist) facing sides ways, his hand facing upwards and out stretched. Once he is in close enough view, show him turning his head only towards Yuki, pulling his hand a bit closer to himself. Then, he smiles wickedly with two, distinctive red eyes shining directly at the reader and Yuki, clenching his hand into a fist, flames bursting out from inside the fist. His head should also be slightly tilted.)


Real Chapter 1 “Yuki” Start

(The chapter opens up on Yuki slowly opening her good eye (Her bad one isn’t shown until she's putting on her eyepatch, and when it's shown it's closed.) She rubs her bad eye with her arm, still lying down.)

Yuki: (That dream… Why, after all these years, does it still haunt me…?)

(Yuki starts to sit up in bed. She yawns, and gets out of bed. She walks over to her mirror, showing herself in a long White T shirt and black shorts on. Next to her mirror is a plain bust of a face with her eyepatch on it, so she grabs it and puts it on.)

Yuki: (It’s been almost 9 years... Since the fire. You’d think rebuilding the entire place would rid me of those memories…)

(The next few scenes show her brushing her teeth, brushing her messy hair, making a coffee in a huge kitchen, and sitting down, sipping the coffee. By the next time we see her, she switched out her shorts for casual, comfy jogging pants. She goes outside to a courtyard built into the middle of the Mansion, and waters a few flowers that are growing in a garden. She then goes back inside, stretches and yawns, grabs a bag of chips and slouches down onto a fancy couch in front of a TV.)

Yuki: (But whatever. I need to stop thinking the same thoughts everyday, I need something new in my life... Something that will get my mind off it.)

(She turns on the TV with a remote that was on the couch already, and it opens to a news story.)

News Reporter: Sadly, the situation is only getting worse. There seems to be no end to this new crime wave, with every passing day the crime rate must be sky rocketing. On the scene right now is our action reporter.

(the scene on the screen switches to a man in a suit outside of a shop. The glass of the shop’s windows seem to have been bashed in, with graffiti sprayed all over the building.)

Action reporter: Thanks. As you can see here, a local, small shop has been ravaged and cleaned out by a new crime syndicate. On the shop's back wall, it appears the gangsters have left some sort of call sign. (The Tv now shows a wall with the word “ClaW” Written in graffiti across the whole wall. The W in Claw Is made of three claw marks (\I/ <- Like that )) Besides that, there seems to be no trace of the vandalizers. If anyone watching knows anything about this incident, please, inform your local Police Station or Patrolling Officers asap. The rebuilding of our nation can only start with yo-

(The screen shuts off with a flash, with remote in hand, Yuki Sighs.)

Yuki: (Jeez. It seems everyone's getting in on the whole crime thing. I wonder how much I could make doing something like that? I’m sure they need someone with a Talent like mine...)

(Yuki giggles to herself, and gets up from the couch. She then shakes a near empty bag of potato chips.)

Yuki: ( Ugh. I guess I need to go and get some more snacks. I’m running low again…)

(Yuki tosses the now empty bag of chips on a nearby table, which is piled with some other trash and food wrappings. She picks up her coat which was thrown on a chair near the table and heads for the door. She can be seen before the scene switches from the outside of the Mansion, a front on view of the whole thing as she leaves it. It looks in almost perfect condition, but clearly shows she's wealthy. Around her are woods, and in front of her is a dirt road. The scene now switches to a scene in a forest. The sun is shining through the trees, and a boy with a brownish cloak is walking down a dirt path. On his back, he has something huge tied and hidden away with white tape. The item is strapped around him like a sash, and seems to be a large, long rectangle. The boy has his face revealed after a panel or two, showing Hitachi. He continues walking for a bit, when, suddenly, a thug with a bandanna around his mouth walks out from behind a tree. The man has his hands in his pockets, and he confronts Hitachi from a distance.)

Thug: Hey, punk. I’ll have you know, this here is my turf. What brings yeh to this neck of da woods?

(Hitachi doesn't answer)

Thug: Hey, pal, I asked you a question. Or would you rather ...cut... to the chase?

(The thug pulls out a pocket knife from his pocket, and flips it open, showing it off. Again, Hitachi says nothing. This time, he takes a single step back, though.)

Thug: I want all yer valuables. Drop what you got and scram before I hav’ta use this… (Spins the knife around.)

Hitachi: Sir. Please move out of the way. You're annoying.

Thug: What? Kid, are you trying to smart mouth me? Ima make your cocky ass regret it!

(The thug rushes at Hitachi, with his knife pulled back, ready to stab Hitachi full force. Around  half a foot away from him, Hitachi suddenly ducks down, grabs the item off his back, and swings it at the Thug full force. This hits the Thug, sending him flying, back first, into a tree. He slams into it, and falls flat on his face. The scene now shows the bandages/ tape falling off of Hitachi’s item, which turned out to be his sword. By this point, his hood has fallen off, fully revealing his face and hair. The scene should show an emphasis on the sword, but still have Hitachi in the shot as he says this next line.)

Hitachi: What did I tell you? I swear, some people just don’t listen…

(The scene switches back to Yuki, who is now walking down a crowded sidewalk. The area around her is a city, with huge skyscrapers and shops all over the place. It should look like a typical busy city, think New York or Tokyo. She stops in front of a small store, which sticks out a bit more then the buildings around it. It is a medium sized convenience store called “Quick Zip’s”. She walks in, the doors sliding open on their own as she enters. She is sort of slouched over, with her coat covering her mouth. The store clerk, a man around his early twenties waves to Yuki.)

Clerk: Well, if it isn’t our favorite customer. Sup, Yuki!

(Yuki waves with a half assed smile, then walks to an aisle lined with potato chips. As she looks over the selection, another customer walks in. This one looks a bit rough, a sweatshirt with his hood pulled over and a bit of a beard growing on his face. He is around his forties. He checks around, not noticing Yuki, then goes straight for the counter where the clerk is. He slams his fist down on the counter, and pulls out a gun from underneath his sweatshirt.)

Thief: Open the register. NOW.

(The clerk is in shock, and he hesitates to open the register.)

Clerk: S-Sir. Please, there's no need for-

Thief: I said NOW.

(Yuki peaks from behind a shelf and sees the man, but her expression is still her usual moody self. She sighs, then walks over to the thief. The thief jolts around, and points the gun at her, startled.)

Thief: Who?! Hey, get on the ground kid! I’m not playing, I’ll *censored*ing kill you!

(Yuki stares at him for a second, then sighs. She then stares at the Thief with a serious expression.)

Yuki: Dude, if you were gonna shoot me, you would have done it already. No need to fool yourself.

Thief: Wha-

(Yuki looks to her left and lifts up a broom that was leaning against the wall. The Thief walks up to her, the gun trained on her head.)

Thief: Don’t you play games with me, you little bitch-

(At the word “Bitch”, Yuki swings the broom, bashing it against the head of the Thief. He goes flying, letting go of the gun and smashes into a shelf at the other end of the store. Yuki stares him down while he twitches, unable to get up.)

Yuki: Before you continue that sentence, I’d like you to ask yourself who the bitch here really is.

(Yuki turns to the shocked clerk, and sighs.)

Yuki: You guys out of Salt and Vinegar chips again?

(The clerk slowly shakes his head “yes”.)

Yuki: Figures. Well I guess I’ll just grab a chocolate bar or something…

(The scene now shows Yuki, with her coat slightly unzipped, with the chocolate in her mouth, her hands in her pockets, walking home. Then it shows cops rushing past her, heading to the store.)

Yuki: (That man asked me to stay and explain what happened… but…)

(A panel shows the clerk trying to explain to the cops as they handcuff the Thief.)

Yuki: (What's the point? I mean, it's not like there was anything in it for me. Anyone could have stopped that nobody. Everyone's Talent is good for that much, at least I’d hope so.)

(Yuki looks at her right hand as she walks and thinks to herself.)

Yuki: (Honestly, I hate Talents. If they didn’t exist, everyone wouldn’t be so special, so the people with real talent could shine instead of being left in the dust.)

(A brief description of Talents is on the side of this panel, perhaps a Chibi Yuki speaking?)

Brief Description: For the uninitiated, Talents are the special, unique traits almost every individual is born with, thanks to help from the Talent Tree! It can range anywhere from super speed to breathing fire! Stay tuned later for a more in-depth description.

(As Yuki is thinking to herself, a figure rushes past her, brushing her as they dash by, making her drop her chocolate. She turns and looks towards them somewhat startled, Showing Bryan running towards the crime scene. For a second she stares in shock, then looks down to see her chocolate wasted.)

Yuki: (What the…) Hey, watch where you're going, asshole!

(Bryan completely ignores her, screeching to a halt and turning to look inside the shop. He moves back a bit as the criminal is pushed out of the shop, and dragged off by the police. The panel of Bryan speaking should focus on him a bit because it's his first appearance.)

Bryan: Aw, I missed the action… where the hell are the Officers?

(Yuki stomps over to him and places her hand on his shoulder, extreamly pissed.)

Yuki: You see what I did to that guy? (Points towards the thief, being dragged off.)

Bryan: Huh? Wait, you stopped that guy!? I haven't seen you around befo-

(Bryan quickly shuts up as her grip tightens.)

Yuki: If you don’t buy me a new chocolate bar for the one you just made me drop, I’m going to pulverise you the same way.

Bryan: Uh… what chocolate?

(Yuki points to the bar, melting away on the cement of the sidewalk.)

Bryan: Wha- Oh jeez did I run into you or something?! Sorry, I always seem to be doing stuff like-

(Yuki raises her other hand in a fist and gets ready to punch Bryan.)

Yuki: New Bar. Now.

Bryan: Ok, ok! I get it! Just calm down, chick!

(Yuki pushes Bryan against his will into the store, and then the scene switches again to Hitachi, with his hood now off and sword unsheathed and planted firmly into the ground, leaning against a tree. He is a few feet from a tree with the Thug, tied down with the bandages/ tape that was on his sword.)

Hitachi: So, you know where the nearest village or town is?

Thug: Why should I tell you?!

(Hitachi’s eyes narrow, giving the Thug a death stare.)

Hitachi: Because if you don’t, I’m going to bash your skull in with a single swing, and nobody will know where I hid your corpse.

(The Thug, about to *censored* himself, gulps.)

Thug: Alright, alright! You're about a good mile from the nearest City. Its Toaru. You know the place?

HItachi: No, I don’t. What can I find there?

Thug: Well, it’s pretty big. Tons of shops and stuff. It’s famous for being right next to the University.

(Hitachi’s eyebrows raise slightly)

Hitachi: The one for the military?

Thug: Yeah, that's the one. I’d be careful, they have Officers patrolling those streets 24/7. If they even get a quick glance at that sword of yours, you can consider yourself screwed.

Hitachi: Right. Thanks, I’ll take note of that. Welp, that’s all I needed, I’ll be going now.

(Hitachi pulls up his sword with ease, and carries it as he walks away. The thug turns around with an expression that says “Are you serious?”)

Thug: Uh, Hey kid. You're gonna untie me, right?

(Hitachi stops and looks back.)

Hitachi: Eh, not feeling it. What's in it for me?

(The Thug’s jaw drops)

Thug: What do you mean “What's in it for me?” !? Just let me go already!

Hitachi: Hm… Oh, I know. You’ll be my escort.

(The Thug is then dumbstruck)

Thug: … huh?

(The scene switches to back to Yuki and Bryan, Yuki is opening a new chocolate bar, and Bryan is looking at her like shes crazy.)

Bryan: You do realise you threatened a dude you’ve never met before over chocolate, right?

(Yuki gives Bryan a very serious look, similar to Hitachi’s death stare.)

Yuki: It’s more than chocolate. It’s MY chocolate, making it all the more valuable.

Bryan: … you're weird.

Yuki: And you're rude. We can keep going all day dude.

(Bryan sighs, then looks back at the shop.)

Bryan: So were you the one who stopped that guy, or not?

Yuki: Hm? (Chocolate in her mouth.)

Bryan: The criminal, from earlier.

Yuki: Yeah. He was trying to act tough so I kicked his ass.

Bryan: Damn… are you a new Patrol Officer that transferred or something?

Yuki: What?

Byran: You know, you a Soldier? I feel like I would have seen you before, but maybe not. It is a pretty big city.

Yuki: Oh, like one of those military kids? Nah, I just go with the flow. Screw school.

Bryan: What?! But you clearly have an awesome Talent if you were able to stop that guy! You should apply!

Yuki: There's nothing special about it. It’s just some simple Strength. See?

(Yuki takes out a coin, and flips it with her pointer finger and thumb. It sky rockets into the air, and goes out of view for a bit. Bryan is in awe, and Yuki catches the coin as it shoots back to the ground.)

Yuki: Don’t you need some weird Talent to get into it?

Bryan: Well, that's not necessarily true. Even if it's just strength, it's how you use it that counts! Hey, I’m actually going to be applying soon myself, we should do it together! We would probably end up in the same test, but that only adds to the fun.

Yuki: There's a test for something like that? I never would have guessed- Hey wait, I don’t care! I’m not gonna sign up for it. It's a waste of time!

Bryan: Huh? You do something besides threaten people over chocolate?

(Yuki scratches her head for a second.)

Yuki: Well… No, I guess I just relax at home all day... But so what?

Bryan: Oh come on, aren't you bored?! Think of all the cool stuff you could do as an Officer!

Yuki: Like? Last time I checked they are just younger, glorified cops.

Bryan: Miss, you got yourself some learning to do. Listen, I’ve got to start heading home, but I want to convince you to sign up with me, so lets chat for a bit.

Yuki: Ugh...

(The scene switches to Hitachi and the Thug walking through the woods, conversing.)

Hitachi: So, what were you really doing out here.

Thug: What do ya mean?

Hitachi: I doubt you planned to rob people by yourself. Where's the rest of your group.

Thug: To be honest, scattered all over the forest. I’m part of this gang ran by this dude named Emilio, never met the guy, but I was invited to the group and decided I needed the cash. What's your story kid? Not everyday I meet a kid with crazy Talent like yours.

Hitachi: I’m just a runaway. Hated my parents, so I’m just trying to find a place to fit in. So far, not really working out.

Thug: With that strength, I’m surprised you didn’t just kill ‘em. You got guts kid.

Hitachi: I never said I didn’t respect them. I just hated them. I had no reason to harm them, so I just got up and left.

Thug: Well, If you need, I’m sure we got room for a dude like you. What do yah say?

Hitachi: Thanks, I’ll keep the offer in mind, but I like to keep a low profile. Actually, My plan for blending in was going to try and apply to that school you mentioned earlier. They got dorms for kids who don’t got places to spend the night, free food and shelter never hurt anybody. I’ll just drop out when I find something better.

Thug: Hmm, I see. Well, I guess that makes us enemies.

Hitachi: We weren't already?

Thug: Heh, guess your right. What's your name, kid? I’ll be sure to keep a look out for you.

Hitachi: Hitachi Justice. And I’ll try and follow your little crime syndicate as well. Who knows, maybe we'll run into each other some time.

(The scene ends with the backs of the characters on the path towards the city, in the forest. The scene switches back to Yuki and Bryan, sitting together outside the shop on a bench nearby.)

Yuki: You really want me to sign up that bad, huh?

(Bryan nods, with a determined face on)

Bryan: You seriously have some skill. The school could use people like you. Lets meet at the schools gates when the next exam rolls around next month.

Yuki:... Fine. I guess I can try it. But I still think it's stupid.

(Bryan grins stupidly as he fist bumps the air)

Bryan: Awesome! By the way miss, the names Bryan. Yours?

Yuki: Yuki. Yuki Versai.

Bryan: Well then, Yuki, I guess I’ll see you in a month! Don't skimp out on me!

Yuki: Yeah, yeah. Don't worry, I really don't have much else to occupy my time. I'll be there.

(Bryan gets up, stretches, and walks off. Yuki simply watches as he walks away. She is holding an empty chocolate bar wrapper in her hands.)

Yuki: (What a weird kid…)

(A clock in a nearby park starts to ring, and Yuki looks as if she forgot something.)

Yuki: *censored*! My Train!

(Yuki bolts in the opposite direction of Bryan.)


  As for payment, seeing as this would be both a passion project and long term project (read the post to understand where I'm coming from), I would prefer splitting the money made by publishing/ selling/ general revenue 50/50. I would prefer not to pay up front, mainly because I've only recently got a part time job after school and I'm saving towards college (I'm in all advanced and honors courses, btw).
 I have around 4 years of experience with writing professionally. I've written an animated show for Braydoi on youtube (Soon to air, if you want scripts from the show, which there are currently 19, to see my style, let me know) and I've written one manga (Around 13 chapters long) which is being inked at the time of this post. I've also done commissions and odd jobs here and there. I'm posting here because I've had an idea for a manga that could be a bit daunting for those on Deviant Art (Where I usually post and get my jobs). What I'm trying to get across is that I'm a hard worker and I take my job seriously (I'm friendly though :P)
 I want to finally start work on my dream manga, one similar to the juggernauts that are One Piece, Dragon Ball, Soul Eater, Etc. My manga would, preferably, be long running. I already have tons (And I mean 100s of papers worth) of ideas, characters, arcs, world building, you name it I probably wrote it. I'm very lenient when it comes to the art style, as long as it can be easily adaptable to action scenes (AKA no romance styled characters, that really wouldn't work) However I would prefer to work with someone who is willing to pour a lot of time, effort, and love into this project. I don't mind if your a veteran when it comes to this type of style, or still learning. As long as your dedicated and willing to put in the time, I'd be glad to work with you (I've worked with a ton of "Budding" artists in the past. For the record, all have said I was awesome :3)
 I don't want to make this longer than it has to be, so a brief run down of the manga will suffice here, and if your interested you can email me (It should be on my profile page) or comment to learn more. It is heavily inspired by Soul Eater and My Hero Academia (For full disclosure, I came up with my ideas before I even knew what MHA was :P) The main plot would be based on the adventures of a class of elite students/ soldiers who fight to keep the peace. Similar to Quirks from MHA, A lot of the students have special ability or attributes, however there are only a few main "talents" , with variations branching off from there. Their class, appropriately named The Black Ops, works differently from the normal studying and training the other students in the school endure. They are assigned one or two missions (Recon, Assassination, Escort, Etc.) a week, and they must complete them to earn their grades. There is a lot of character building, for both the main characters, teachers, and villains, and the world building is good too! If any of this rambling has peaked you interest, trust me I'd be more than happy to explain this in further depth if you contact me.
 As for payment, seeing as this would be both a passion project and long term project, I would prefer splitting the money made by publishing/ selling/ general revenue 50/50. I would prefer not to pay up front, mainly because I've only recently got a part time job after school and I'm saving towards college (I'm in all advanced and honors courses, btw). Again, if your interested in learning more, working with me, or in seeing more of my work, please contact me via Email or comment.
Here's Hoping!- Nathan Leite (PichuDX)
[Email me if you want to request references/ past works]

Pages: [1]