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Topics - TheClayMaker

Pages: [1] 2
1
Develop Your Story / Clay's Untitled Story
« on: October 13, 2019, 03:08:39 PM »
During my hiatus, I've been brainstorming an idea for a new story. I have a general idea of where I want to go with it, but a lot of the specific details are still in progress.

Basic Pitch:
Ten years ago, nine warlords ravaged the Terrace, destroying many villages and killing thousands in their pursuit for world domination. Now, the land is at peace, and each of these warlords now kings in their own right. However, a boy named Finn has been inspired by these warlords and the stories of their conquest, and thus he has set out to begin his own campaign to be sole ruler of all nine kingdoms.

2
Welcome Center / Call me Clay
« on: October 12, 2019, 10:11:59 PM »
Hello. I used to lurk around here as ToxicWaste97. After a long and unexpected hiatus due to graduating, moving, and work-related travel, I have decided to rebrand myself and come back with a (sort of) clean slate.

I have a few ideas I'd like to bounce around, and I look to see what everyone here is working on here.

3
Develop Your Story / Toxic's Untitled WIP
« on: December 07, 2018, 01:07:45 AM »
I've been brainstorming an idea for a while that I'd like to make into a full story, but I can't seem to get it into words. I thought that posting some of my ideas out where others can see them and make comments could help me figure out what works and what could be done better.

Story

 After Steph is cheated out of the payment for her bounty hunting for the last time, she decides to prove her strength by capturing the world's most wanted criminal: "Deadman" Logan. In order to fulfill such a task, however, Steph must get the help of Diane, a kindly hero from another land, and Justin, a reluctant thief with a heart of gold. Can they find "Deadman" Logan and bring him to justice, or will this job end like all ones before?

Setting

The Fractured Continent, a group of thirteen islands floating over an endless void, is where the story takes place. These islands drift about amungst each other, occasionally bumping into each other and creating a way to cross from one island to another by foot. The only other method to cross between islands is to sail across the Shallow Sea, a floating ocean that rests between the islands and drifts as they do, changing its shape and position as the islands move over the Void.

Each of the thirteen islands has its own people and culture, but they do share one thing in common. They are each ruled over by a King who has been gifted incredible power by the Divine Guardians of each island. The most senior of the thirteen Kings is appointed High King, a position that grants that King authority over all the islands as well as their own. This is a position to be held with a sense of honor and dignity. It is customary for a King to step down from their throne after a 25 year reign.

Characters

Steph
- Bio - As a child, Steph was always the strongest kid around. Naturally, she assumed this would bring her a bright future in being a soldier for the Royal Army of the High King. However, due to her father's crimes, she is unable to achieve this dream. Instead, she works as a bounty hunter in the Land of Silver in order to live where people don't know her for her father's actions. She works hard, but is unable to make any decent amount of money due to loopholes used by the Silver King to avoid having to pay her what she is owed. As she becomes more and more frustrated, she decides to abandon her current job of chasing little fish to go after the biggest catch in the land: "Deadman" Logan, the most wanted man in the world.
- Age - 16
- Gender - Female
- Appearance - Steph is of average height and build for a girl her age. She typically wears loose-fitting shirts and tank-tops along with her pair of “lucky pants”, which seem to be her only pair. When on a job, she wears boots and gloves, but normally wears a pair of slippers when being casual. She maintains a casual posture and poor personal hygiene. Steph has green eyes and a head of red hair that reaches halfway down her back.
- Personality - Steph is relatively relaxed person, though she does have a mean temper. She also is very forgiving, as she often forgets what even made her so upset in the first place. She enjoys the thrill of a good fight and often will go out of her way to make a fight more interesting for herself. She enjoys a challenge and despises when people go easy on her, even if she cannot succeed without such actions. Steph loves travelling the world, but finds it hard to do so with her empty coin purse.
- Likes - travelling, meeting new people
- Dislikes - receiving charity, waiting on something she cannot control
- Flaws - easily provoked to anger, bad memory
- Fears - always depending on someone else to survive, being judged for the actions of others

Diane
- Bio - Diane was always special. As a child, she drew the Sword of Embers from the Eternal Forge and claimed the title of Legendary Hero. Ever since, she has been treated differently than others, almost like royalty. While this was flattering at first, Diane soon came to realize that she had done nothing to earn her prestige. Thus, she has traveled out into the world, doing acts of good where there is no one who knows her face. Diane has made it her goal to help all those who ask for it, as that is the true mark of a hero.
- Age - 17
- Appearance - Diane is not what a "Legendary Hero" would be expected to look like. She is tall but thin, and she wears practical armor over comfortable clothes. Diane never leaves her home without her sword on her belt and makes sure to show it off when she gets the chance. She has blonde hair kept in a bun and black eyes.
- Personality - Diane presents herself with an air of pride but never looks down on other people. She has a strict sense of what’s right and wrong and disapproves of anyone who breaks her unspoken moral code. Diane is perpetually under the pressure of being the “perfect hero” that other people believe that she is.
- Likes - set guidelines, helping others
- Dislikes - needless praise, large gatherings of strangers
- Flaws - has no social skills
- Fears - being unable to reach her own standards

Justin
- Bio - Justin belongs to a large family. He is the youngest of ten children, and he is very clearly the favorite of both his father and mother. Though he has no problems with this preferential treatment, he is very much aware of the contempt it breeds in his older siblings. Deciding to solve the problem himself, Justin ran away from home, thinking that without him around, his parents would begin to treat his siblings with more affection. However, he sadly lacked the forethought to bring along any money on his journey, forcing him to live on the streets, stealing garbage and pocket change to survive. Though he never steals anything that would be missed, Justin still feels a great guilt for his actions and desires nothing more than to live a more legitimate lifestyle.
- Age - 15
- Gender - Male
- Appearance - Justin appears to be a bit shorter and thinner than he should be. He owns one set of clothes: an oversized grey t-shirt that belonged to his father, a long-sleeved green shirt that he wears under the larger shirt, and a pair of worn pants. He doesn’t care too much about his appearance, and thus his brown hair is always messy. Justin’s blue eyes are unique in his family.
- Personality - Justin is a bit over-judging of himself, though this may be due to his upbringing with nine older siblings. He finds himself second-guessing himself all the time, and often makes mistakes because of this. As a result, he has trained himself to act impulsively in order to avoid the mistakes from hesitation. Justin is unable to stand idly as he sees morally wrong actions take place, but he has a poor grasp on what actually is and is not moral outside of his home. He tends to treat most interactions with others in one of two ways: like he is talking to a sibling or with a parent. Justin does not seem to have a filter when it comes to what he says. If he thinks it, he will probably say it.
- Likes - being correct, eating good food
- Dislikes - perceived injustice, inaction
- Flaws - honest to a fault, impulsive
- Fears - causing the suffering of others, not living up to his parents' expectations

4
Welcome Center / I guess I'm back
« on: November 22, 2018, 09:15:59 PM »
Hello, I'm ToxicWaste97. I was here for a while and then I left and now I'm back. Don't remember why I left, but I remember this place is really friendly. I hope that I can stick around this time.

5
Develop Your Story / Worldbuilding Project
« on: September 09, 2017, 11:00:36 PM »
So, now that I have a functioning laptop again, I'm going to begin uploading various worldbuilding info regarding a new project I'm working on. Feel free to leave comments and ask questions.

Beginnings

Over ninety years ago, the first Metahumans appeared. They quickly adopted the roles of heroes, protecting ordinary citizens from the dangers of the world. However, the government soon began recruiting Metahumans to join a new organisation called the Centralized Metahuman Taskforce. As time went on, the organisation simply became the Taskforce. The government then passed several laws restricting what was referred to as “vigilante” activity. Metahumans were no longer allowed to be heroes without joining the Taskforce. A law called the Bystander Act was passed that specifically prevented Metahumans from using their powers unless to specifically protect their own lives. This was followed up with a law saying that the government reserved the right to draft Metahumans into the Taskforce. The combination of these actions led to many once-loved heroes becoming villains in the eyes of the law.

6
Develop Your Story / WORKSHOP - Return to Dark
« on: August 01, 2017, 11:08:09 AM »
Spoiler
Story: Return to Dark
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure

Synopsis: After a failed rescue, a boy and a high priestess must work together to make it back home before a war is waged.

CHAPTER 1

Spoiler
    Three human soldiers stood at the gates to the Shrine of Wind. “How silly,” muttered the deer-headed Bukon as he looked over the Shrine from the top of the hill, “that the gods would choose a race as fragile as humans to serve as guards.”
   “Quiet, Bukon,” the pig-headed Wint grunted, “It is not our place to question the gods or their judgements.”
   Bukon stood silently as his teacher walked down from the hilltop and approached the guards. Not hearing their conversation, he waited for Wint to turn and give a nod. Following behind a guard, the two Fauna entered the Shrine of Wind to fulfill their purpose.
   The outside of the shrine was very dull and unassuming. If one were to look upon it for the first time, one could assume that the building was an abandoned manor of some dead lord. A step inside the shrine, however, gave a completely different image.
        The walls of the shrine were coated in shimmering green emeralds, and the floor was carpeted by a silver silk. Elaborate paintings hung from the wall, each depicting a different scene from history. The amount of wealth that surrounded Bukon was more than he had ever seen in his entire forty-year life. “Do you ever feel out of place, walking among such wealth?” he asked as they approached a massive, wooden door.
        “No,” Wint said with a solemn voice, “I do not see why I should be intimidated as something so common as wealth.”
        The door began to open in front of the two Fauna. “Influence, on the other hand,” Wint continued, “is the most valued resource of all.”
        The chamber on the other side of the door was empty except for a large green chair. To the left and right of the chair were two guards, each wearing the emblem of the shrine. “What is your purpose here?” the guards demanded with one voice.
        “I seek an audience with the High Priestess,” Wint answered.
        The guards turned to each other and then back to Wint. “The High Priestess is not in well enough condition to speak at the moment,” the guard on the right said.
        Wint groaned and said, “Then when can I speak with her? This is a matter of utmost importance.”
        “If it’s all the same to you,” Bukon said to Wint, “perhaps we could come back tomorrow?”
        “We don’t have time for that,” Wint said before stepping toward the guards, shouting, “I need to speak with Hilda now!”
        The guards’ eyes turned downward. “We’re sorry, but Hilda is dead.”
        Wint’s eyes narrowed. “What did you say? Hilda is dead?” he snorted, “How? When?”
        “Four months ago, she became ill. No doctor in Eldom could cure her. She died three weeks ago.”
        Bukon could see that Wint was distressed by this news. Though he wasn’t entirely clear on the details of their relationship, he knew that his teacher had a history with the now former High Priestess of Wind.
        “Then tell me,” Wint said through gritted teeth, “Who has taken her place?”
        The guards answered hesitantly, “It’s a bit difficult to explain, but-”
        Before the guards could give a clear answer, a door slammed open, and a gust of wind filled the room. From behind the chair, Bukon and Wint could hear the footsteps of someone entering the chamber. The guards turned to the newcomer, who was still hidden behind the chair. “Wint, you may stay,” the guards said, “but your companion must leave.”
        Bukon began to protest, but Wint stopped him, saying, “Go. I will follow shortly.”

        Outside the shrine, Bukon began to sulk about. “Why did he even make me come if I was just going to sit outside the whole time?” he complained.
        A sound of a twig breaking caught Bukon’s ear. “Is someone there?” he demanded, “Show yourself!”
        From behind a nearby tree, a small boy with messy, blond hair stepped into view. “Perfect,” Bukon thought to himself, “Another dirty human.”
        A moment passed, and Bukon expected the boy to run away after being caught. However, the boy simply stood there without saying a word. “Boy, don’t you have a home to go to?” Bukon asked as he began to lose patience.
        The boy shook his head. “No, sir.”
        This was an unexpected answer. “Well, then,” Bukon said, “Perhaps you can give me some entertainment.”
        Smiling, he held out his left hand and cast a basic Create Flame spell. “This is real fire,” Bukon explained.
Then, holding out his right hand, he created an illusionary fire. “And this is an illusion. I will give you a copper piece for every time you pick this hand. Want to give it a try?”
        Thinking for a second, the boy gave a silent nod.
        Bukon smiled and cast the two spells, the fire in his right and the illusion in the left. The boy hesitated before picking correctly, receiving his first copper piece.  “Lucky guess,” Bukon laughed. Casting the spells again, Bukon began the game once more. The boy picked the correct hand almost immediately. The game was played many times more, with the boy guessing correctly each time. After losing half his copper, Bukon became angry.
        “You’re cheating, aren’t you?” Bukon demanded.
        The boy nervously shook his head. “No, I didn’t cheat. I just know which is which.”
        Looking warily at the young boy, Bukon asked, “And how do you know?”
        Shifting nervously, the boy answered, “I couldn’t see the illusion.”
        “You,” Bukon stammered, “you what? You can’t see it?”
        The boy shook his head once more.
        “Interesting,” Bukon said with a smile, “What’s your name?”
        “Arik.”
        Bukon grabbed Arik by the shoulder. “Well, Arik, how would you like to have a job?”

         Wint returned to see his student standing with a human child by his side. “What have you done, Bukon?” he asked with a tired voice.
         “I have found something worth the trip,” Bukon declared.
         Sighing, Wint gave a response, “At least one of us did. Let’s go home.”

7
Develop Your Story / Nemesis
« on: May 08, 2017, 05:28:54 PM »
This is a story that I am thinking of writing beside Power Trip as a "sister series". I haven't thought everything out regarding this story, so while I'm thinking of ideas, I'll just put this here.

Plot:

Dennis Tucker lives in a world where superpowers have become commonplace. While he has no powers, Dennis wants to become a hero like the people he sees in the news who fight against the superpowered villains who ravage the world.  One of these villains is Nemesis, a man responsible for the theft of millions of dollars and the deaths of hundreds, and everyone wants to put an end to this villain's reign as the Most Wanted, hero and villain alike. Unfortunately, Nemesis has finally revealed his face, and that face has an uncanny resemblance to Dennis. Now, Dennis is on the run from heroes trying to "apprehend" him and villains who want to prove they're stronger than Nemesis. The only way to return to a normal life is to find the real Nemesis and bring him to justice.

Characters:

Dennis Tucker - A seventeen-year-old student who is suddenly on the run due to a resemblance to the world's most wanted criminal. He is highly intelligent, but he has no superpower to protect himself from the heroes and villains picking fights with him. He must use his wit to survive these encounters until he finds a way to grow stronger.

Zeus - A self-proclaimed "antivillain" who plans to use Dennis's newfound infamy to further her own plans. She has the power to manipulate all forms of electric energy, even that within the human nervous system. She is equally smart as Dennis, but prefers to let her enemies think lowly of her to catch them off guard.

Tank Tread - Zeus's right-hand man and amateur stand-up comedian. Tank has the power to penetrate whatever he punches. He's not that smart and he's not that funny, but he is definitely strong enough to make most opponents think twice about deciding to fight him.

Omega - Zeus's mute bodyguard. Omega has the power to completely regenerate herself from even the smallest piece. It is unknown if the Omega hanging out with the team is the original or not, but it doesn't really matter because everyone loves Omega and Omega loves everyone.

Nigel Flint - The team "medic". He is the only one of Zeus's team, besides Zeus herself, who knows that Dennis is not Nemesis, mostly because he fought with Nemesis before joining up with Zeus. Nigel has the power to stimulate, retard, and accelerate chemical reactions.

Legion - A villain who has the power of assimilation, the ability to override a person's consciousness and add them to his hivemind. He seems to have an uneasy relationship with Zeus.


Most of this is just an idea, but I really like the concept. I may continue with this if I ever need a break from Power Trip.

8
Discussions / Power Trip Discussion
« on: April 17, 2017, 11:54:43 PM »
So after posting four chapters, I figured I'd make a post for lore and other discussion material.

World:
Spoiler
The world is one in which superpowers, called Enhancements, are just a fact of life. Nowhere near as common as different colors of hair, but common enough that everyone knows at least one person with an Enhancement. Nobody knows where these powers come from, but they almost always manifest themselves around the Enhanced person's entry into puberty. It is also significantly more common to see Enhanced individuals in Continental Europe and North America's East Coast than the rest of the world.

Enhancements:
Spoiler
Ben - Super-Speed - the ability to move at super-sonic speeds
Ashley - Projection - the ability to project shapes into reality
Subject 008 - Chimera (Feral) - the ability to enter a monsterlike form that behaves based on subconsious instincts instead of rational thought
Justin - Chimera (Feral) - the ability to enter a monsterlike form that behaves based on subconsious instincts instead of rational thought
Inferno - Burn - the ability to create flames that burn on the skin of the user
Strongarm - Adjustment - the ability to adjust the concentration of matter while following the laws of conservation
Wendigo - ???
The Girl - ???

Feel free to post questions and comments here.

Edit: Added the Girl - 4/20/17

9
Movies and TV shows / Samurai Jack Season 5
« on: April 16, 2017, 09:57:27 PM »
I know it's already 5 episodes in, but I really want to talk about the latest episode of the latest season.

Don't open spoiler unless you've seen Episode XCVI

Spoiler
So the Scotsman's back, and he died in glorious battle! I was really excited when he came back as a ghost. I wonder what they're gonna do with that later...
And Jack walking off with the Dark Samurai at the end, what could it mean? I'm so hyped!!!

10
Manga Creations / Power Trip
« on: April 06, 2017, 10:55:49 PM »
This is a reboot of a story I wrote in high school. I hope you guys like it, because I know I enjoyed every second of writing this. Will add more chapters as I write them.

The story takes place in a world where Enhanced people with superpowers began to appear after WWII. The story follows a pair of high school students, each with their own Enhancements, who accidentally uncover a supervillain plot and must team up with a mutant runaway to stop it.

Characters -

Ben Robinson
- Enhancement - Super Speed

Ashley Thompson
- Enhancement - Projection

Justin
- Enhancement - ???

Edit: Chapters 1 and 2 have been moved to the first reply to make room for the plot synopsis.

11
Manga Creations / Master of None
« on: January 28, 2017, 07:08:00 PM »
I've decided to post the chapters for my story Master of None in this section from now on, mostly because I feel like it's finally been fleshed out in my head to no longer be considered "in-development". I will continue to post new chapters in this thread as often as I finish them. I hope you all enjoy reading this story as much I enjoy writing it.

Chapter 1

Spoiler
EXT. COUNTRYSIDE

Arch Garret walks along the road to Breesport. The
countryside was quiet except for Arch's whistling. As he
walked along, he passed along a small farm with three men
tending to the crops. As he passes by, one of the farm hands
waves over at Arch, who waves politely back. Continuing to
walk along the road, Arch comes across a bridge. As he
crosses the bridge, the river erupts into a large splash and
completely conceals the bridge in water.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (caught off guard)
          Huh?

A large River Reptile, a snake-like beast that lurks in
southern rivers and lakes, bursts from the water beneath the
bridge, its gaping mouth full of teeth. Arch begins to fall
into the mouth of the beast, but he stops himself by
grabbing onto the monster's teeth.

                      ARCH GARRET
          Well, this is great...

While this is all happening, a blonde-haired girl wearing a
green parka sits on the branch of a nearby tree.

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (to Arch)
          Need some help?

                      ARCH GARRET
                (holding the River
                 Reptile's mouth open)
          Nah, I'm good.

                      JACKSON MOORE
          Cause it looks like you're in a bit
          of trouble, there.

                      ARCH GARRET
          I think I'd know when I'm in
          trouble.

The River Reptile roars loudly and throws its head about,
tossing Arch into the air above it.

                      ARCH GARRET
          Okay, now I'm in trouble.

Arch braces himself for impact with the monster's terrible
jaws, but instead, he is caught by Jackson, who had jumped
the entire distance from the tree branch to land on the
other side of the river.

                      ARCH GARRET
          Nice catch.

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (smiling)
          Thanks. The name's Jackson, by the
          way.

                      ARCH GARRET
          Mine's Arch.

                      JACKSON MOORE
          And what brings you out to the
          Breesport?

                      ARCH GARRET
          Well, before I almost became fish
          food, I was planning on joining the
          local branch of the Dragon Legion.

                      JACKSON MOORE
          That's some grand aspirations for
          someone who couldn't handle an
          over-grown eel.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (brushing off the
                 criticism)
          Oh, that thing? It took me by
          surprise, that's all.

                      JACKSON MOORE
          Well, if it's all the same to you,
          I took care of that thing for you
          anyway.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (remembering the River
                 Reptile)
          You wha-?

Arch turns around to see the River Reptile, as well as a
large portion of the river itself, has been completely
covered in a thick layer of solid ice.

                      JACKSON MOORE
          Consider it a welcome to the Dragon
          Legion.

                                             CUT TO:

EXT. BREESPORT (CITY STREETS)

Breesport is a large, walled-off port city with a general
fantasy feel, but with a clear 1900's inspiration in some of
the architecture. There are people of all kind walking the
streets, including beastmen, a minotaur-like people, and
bugmen, an insect-like race. A voice begins to narrate, and
as he does so, there is a visual representation overlay of
what he's saying.

                      NARRATOR
                (narrating)
          For as long as Mortalkind can
          remember, terrible monsters and
          powerful demons have plagued the
          land we live in. Seeing our plight,
          the Old Gods bestowed magical
          weapons called Masteries upon the
          mortals to fight back against the
          endless hordes of untameable
          beasts. These mortals eventually
          formed the Dragon Legion with the
          sole purpose of protecting all
          Mortalkind from attacks by monster
          and demon alike.

Arch walks through the city gates followed closely by
Jackson, who seems uninterested in the magnitude of the city
around her. Arch, on the other hand, is greatly impressed by
the size of the city.

                      ARCH GARRET
          Wow, you don't see this kind of
          stuff when you live inland.

                      JACKSON MOORE
          Don't get used to it. If you join
          the Legion, like you plan on doing,
          then you'll probably spend most of
          your time travelling around the
          countryside.

As the two walk the streets of Breesport, the sounds of
shouting can be heard from a nearby alleyway. Shortly
afterward, a tall, lean man with spiky hair jumps out of the
alley and rushes into Arch and Jackson.

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (annoyed with the guy
                 running into her)
          Hey, watch it!

                      DON RAGS
                (turning to face Jackson)
          What did you say, bitch?

Jackson is able to clearly see the man's face. He has a
pronounced chin and two scars on his forehead. The man's
eyes are a piercing green color, and the man's teeth have a
foul tinge of yellow to them.

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (internally)
          Oh, crap! This guy's Don Rags, the
          third most-wanted man in the world.
          Whatever I do, I mustn't get him
          angry!

In the very next shot, Arch gets in Don's face.

                      ARCH GARRET
          She said "watch it", creep! And
          would it kill ya to use a
          toothbrush? I can smell your breath
          from here.

This statement understandably shocks Jackson, who looks on
in horror as Don Rags towers over Arch and grabs him by the
collar of his shirt.

                      DON RAGS
                (to Arch)
          And who are you to speak to me with
          that tone?

                      ARCH GARRET
          I'm Arch Garret, and I'm going to
          kick your ass!

Arch swings his leg into Don's gut, catching the fearsome
man off guard. In that moment, Don lets go of Arch's collar,
and Jackson grabs Arch's arm and drags him away.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (shouting indignantly)
          Hey, what are you doing? I was
          about to kick that guy's ass!

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (panting)
          "That guy" was Don Rags, the third
          most wanted criminal in the world.
          I've heard that he's killed entire
          villages over an insults less than
          yours.

                      ARCH GARRET
          He doesn't look that tough to me.

                                             CUT TO:

EXT. BREESPORT (ALLEYWAY)

Jackson comes to a stop after turning around a corner in an
alleyway. She takes a moment to catch her breath.

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (to Arch)
          You say you want to join the Dragon
          Legion, right?

                      ARCH GARRET
          That's the plan!

                      JACKSON MOORE
          And that means that you have a
          Mastery, right?

                      ARCH GARRET
                (not understanding)
          A what-now?

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (shaking Arch)
          Quit joking! If you planned on
          joining the Legion, you'd have to
          at least have a Mastery! It's in
          the basic rules to even be
          considered!

                      ARCH GARRET
                (shrugging)
          To be honest, I just thought they'd
          let me in if I asked nicely.

Groaning in irritation, Jackson looks behind a corner to see
if Don was pursuing them.

                      ARCH GARRET
          If you're so worried about that Don
          guy, why don't you just do that
          thing you did with the ice at the
          river?

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (dripping with sarcasm)
          Oh, thank you! I'd never would have
          thought of that. Whatever would I
          have done without you telling me
          what I already know?!

                      ARCH GARRET
                (aside)
          The sarcasm was unnecessary...

                      JACKSON MOORE
          I can't use my Mastery in such a
          tight space without causing
          collateral damage. We need to lure
          Don to somewhere more open.

From the streets, Arch and Jackson hear the roar of Don Rags
rampaging through the city.

                      DON RAGS
          Come on out! Don't go spitting out
          fighting words if you can't follow
          through!

                      ARCH GARRET
                (quietly)
          So what's the plan?

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (quietly)
          If we can get a head start, we can
          get him to chase us out the city
          gates.

                      ARCH GARRET
          Great! But how are we going to get
          his attention?

Jackson looks at Arch with a knowing smile on her face.

                                             CUT TO:

EXT. BREESPORT (CITY STREETS)

Don Rags stalks the streets of the Southern Capitol, looking
for the kids who disrespected him by the city gate.
Suddenly, a voice rings out from behind him.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (offscreen)
          Hey, Two-Chins!

The shot shifts to show Arch standing behind Don, taunting
the massive criminal.

                      ARCH GARRET
          I'm here to kick your ass!

Turning violently to face Arch, Don lets out a deafening
roar and smashes the ground with a nearby lamppost.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (actually noticing how
                 massive Don Rags
                 actually is)
          On second thought, I think I should
          come back at a better time for
          you...

Arch begins to dash away to the city gates, as per the plan.
Don also runs in that direction, with the sole intent to
kill Arch as soon as he can get his hands on him.

                      DON RAGS
                (bellowing)
          You get back here and die like a
          man!

                      ARCH GARRET
                (internally)
          This guy doesn't seem like he's
          kidding. I hope Jackson's plan
          works...

Finally running through the city gates, Arch exits the city
and Don follows shortly behind.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (shouting)
          Jackson, do it now!

Arch turns around to see if Jackson has frozen, but instead,
he finds Don standing above him with hate in his eyes.

                      DON RAGS
                (snarling)
          Was this your plan? To get me to
          follow you out of the city and lure
          me into some kind of trap?

Don grabs Arch by the throat and begins to slowly choke him.

                      DON RAGS
          Do you really think I'm stupid
          enough to fall for something like
          that? And look around! Your friend
          isn't here to help you. And when I
          finish up here, I'll kill her too.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (slowly losing
                 consciousness)
          Did... Did Jackson really abandon
          me?

As Don sees that Arch is struggling, he grins in pleasure.
However, as he does so, his breath turns white, and he
suddenly feels a mild chill.

                      DON RAGS
                (shivering slightly)
          Hey, why is it suddenly so cold?

A snowflake lands on Don's nose, prompting the man to drop
Arch in confusion and look at the sky.

                      DON RAGS
          Snow? In the middle of summer? How
          is this possible?

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (offscreen)
          You should always keep an eye on
          the weather.

Don turns around to see Jackson standing in a patch of
frozen ground, wielding a massive sword made of ice.

                      JACKSON MOORE
          You never know when it might change
          for the worse.

                      DON RAGS
                (sneering)
          Are you really going to fight with
          a weapon made of ice? I'd shatter
          it in a single blow.

Jackson chuckles and begins to run toward Don, who rears
back his fist and delivers a mighty punch toward Jackson.
She dodges, however, and the fist hits the earth, creating a
small crater where it lands. Jackson, while in the air,
swings her ice blade at Don, but the attack is disrupted
when Don destroys the sword by smashing his palm into it.

                      DON RAGS
                (laughing)
          Like I said, girl, a sword made of
          ice stands no chance against me.

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (smiling)
          Oh, really?

Don is confused by what she says, but then notices that a
piece of ice from the sword had frozen itself to his
knuckles. The ice begins to grow, covering Don's arm, and
eventually his whole body, in a matter of seconds.

                      DON RAGS
                (being swallowed in ice)
          What... is... this?

The monstrous man is soon covered entirely in a thick layer
of ice. Arch finally catches hi breath and joins with
Jackson.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (impressed)
          That was awesome! How did you do
          all that stuff with the ice?

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (smiling)
          My Mastery is called Cold Heart. It
          gives me the power to summon and
          control ice.

                      ARCH GARRET
          Like you did at the river?

                      JACKSON MOORE
          Well, at the river, it was
          different. All I did there was
          freeze the river, and the ice got
          the River Reptile for me. Without
          preexisting water, I have to get
          something to touch the ice before I
          can freeze it.

The statue of Don Rags shudders a bit, and Arch takes quick
notice to that.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (gesturing to Don)
          So what are we going to do about
          Frosty over there?

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (shrugging)
          I guess we need to let the local
          branch of the Dragon Legion know I
          caught him.

                      ARCH GARRET
          I think you mean "we caught him".

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (raising an eyebrow)
          "We"? Without me, you'd been
          pounded into the street the minute
          you stepped into town.

                      ARCH GARRET
          I think I could have taken him by
          myself.

                      JACKSON MOORE
          Please... You couldn't even taken
          just one River Reptile. How could
          you possibly handle the third most
          wanted-

A loud crack is heard from behind the two arguing teens.
Turning to face Don, they see a sinister green flame
engulfing the ice, melting it and releasing the monster
inside.

                      DON RAGS
                (growling)
          So, it seems that I'll have to use
          my Mastery to beat you. Pathetic
          that I have to rely on it to beat a
          couple of snot-nosed brats.

The ice around Don crumbles, and the hulking man begins to
roar. Green fire flies in all directions as Don charges at
Arch and Jackson, who jump in opposite directions to dodge
the attack.

                      DON RAGS
          Behold the power of Devil's
          Advocate! My flames will burn the
          two of you to ash!

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (internally)
          This is bad... If my ice can't stop
          him, then what can?

Jackson's thoughts are interrupted by the sound of shouting
coming from the other side of Don. Arch, as it is revealed
bum rushes Don and delivers a punch directly into the side
of Don's face.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (shouting the name of his
                 attack)
          Bullet Style: Beanbag!

Taking Don completely by surprise, the attack sends the man
flying several feet from the sheer force of the punch.

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (in total shock)
          What... What was that?

                      ARCH GARRET
                (smiling widely)
          Ha! Told ya I'd kick your ass!

                      DON RAGS
                (standing back up)
          You little... punk! I'll... I'll
          kill you!

                      ARCH GARRET
          Bring it!

The two rush at each other, with Don delivering an opening
punch toward Arch's head, but that attack is dodged as Arch
simply ducks beneath it. Arch then sends his fist flying
into Don's gut.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (shouting his attack)
          Bullet Style: Double Tap!

The punch knocks the breath out of Don, but a second punch
follows shortly afterward, sending the massive man flying
into the air. Satisfied with his attack, Arch turns away and
rubs his fists.

                      ARCH GARRET
          That was fun. Maybe we can do this
          again some time.

Jackson runs up to Arch and puts her hands on his shoulders.

                      JACKSON MOORE
          How- how did you do all of that?

                      ARCH GARRET
          Do what? I just punched him. Not
          really that much of a mystery.

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (pointing at Don's
                 unconscious body)
          That man is the third most wanted
          criminal in all of Atlas! He's
          killed countless people, including
          members of the Dragon Legion, and
          you just beat him with three
          punches.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (rubbing the back of his
                 head)
          I mean, you did wear him out a
          little with your fight with him.
          I'm sure he was just tired from
          that.

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (immediately accepting
                 that answer)
          Of course. Now it all makes sense.
          Don was too injured from my initial
          attack to fight at full strength,
          and that's why some kid without a
          Mastery was able to beat him.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (taking offense)
          Hey, I'm still here, you know.

The shot zooms out as Arch and Jackson jokingly argue over
who gets the credit for beating Don.

                      NARRATOR
                (narrating)
          Thus marks the beginning of a team
          whose combined power will rock the
          world. However, there are still
          more foes that they must face
          before they can find rest...

                                             CUT TO:

EXT. COUNTRYSIDE

A figure in a black coat and hat, wearing a purple scarf
accented with yellow triangles, walks along the path to the
Breesport. He is stopped by a massive Ape-Man standing in
the road in front of him. The monster lets out a mighty roar
and charges toward the figure. However, the figure continues
walking around the charging beast, narrowly avoiding the
monster's enormous claws. As the figure passes by the
Ape-Man, the beast turns around to charge again, but before
it can do so, the figure raises an arm.

                      SONNY BELL
                (sighing)
          Three, two, one...

At the count of one, a massive slash cuts down the Ape-Man,
causing it to fall over in a heap. Continuing on his way,
the figure, named Sonny, makes his way down the path on his
way to Breesport.

                      SONNY BELL
          Maybe one of the guys at that
          Dragon Legion will put up a better
          fight...

                         END

Chapter 2

Spoiler
EXT. BREESPORT (CITY GATE)

Arch and Jackson enter the city through the gate talking
amongst themselves.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (to Jackson)
          So, what are we going to do about
          Smelly over there?

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (shrugging)
          The best thing I can think of is to
          report it to the Dragon Legion, or
          at least the city guard.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (agreeing)
          Yeah, I guess that's a good-

                      FORD PREFECT
                (offscreen)
          What is it that you plan on
          reporting?

Arch and Jackson turn to face Ford Prefect, a living wall of
muscle and leader of the Southern Branch of the Dragon
Legion.

                      FORD PREFECT
                (not waiting for a
                 response)
          I have heard reports of a fight
          going on outside the city. Care to
          explain?

                      ARCH GARRET
          Well, you see, sir, there was this
          guy... I think his name was Donny
          or something... and he started
          chasing us, so we led him out of
          the city, and I kicked his ass!

                      FORD PREFECT
          "Donny"? Wait, do you mean Don
          Rags?

                      JACKSON MOORE
          Yes, and he's outside the city
          right now if you want to, you know,
          arrest him or something.

                      FORD PREFECT
                (frowning)
          You expect me to believe that you
          two beat Don Rags? The third most
          wanted man in the world?

                      ARCH GARRET
          Well, to be fair, she can't believe
          it either.

Ford shoves Arch and Jackson out of his way and walks out
the city gate. Taking a few steps out of the city, Ford
looks around, but sees only a few patches of ice on  the
ground.

                      FORD PREFECT
          Alright, where is he?

                      ARCH GARRET
          What do you mean? He was right out
          there.

                      FORD PREFECT
                (scratching his head)
          Well, if he was here, he's gone
          now.

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (to Ford)
          Sir, I'm telling you, we did fight
          Don Rags.

Taking a moment to think, Ford sighs and faces Jackson.

                      FORD PREFECT
          If that's the case, then all we can
          do now is keep an eye out for him.
          Don isn't the kind to just run
          away...

                                             CUT TO:

INT. ABANDONED MINES

Don Rags is lying on a table in an abandoned coal mine
outside of Breesport, groaning about his earlier defeat. On
his left is a woman, named Jean Pit, wearing a blue shirt
with a red cape, and on his right is a figure, named Kitt
Singer, wearing a dark grey suit of armor and a black helmet
covering the figure's face.

                      JEAN PIT
                (shouting at Don)
          I can't believe you just ran away!

                      KITT SINGER
                (deadpan)
          It's not that out of character,
          Jean.

                      JEAN PIT
          Oh, shut up, Kitt! Don's got a
          reputation to keep up. He can't
          just run away from every fight he's
          about to lose!

                      DON RAGS
                (snapping at the two
                 around him)
          You'd have done the same! Besides,
          if I just let them capture me, I
          wouldn't have the opportunity to
          take them on again at full
          strength. Isn't that right, Hank?

A man in a fur coat steps into view and frowns.

                      HANK BLIGHT
          You shouldn't get so angry over the
          words of some kid on the street.
          Learn to move on.

                      DON RAGS
          That wasn't just some kid. He hit
          me in gut like it was nothing.
          While I was using Devil's Advocate
          and everything.

                      KITT SINGER
          Hmmm... Then maybe it's best to
          leave Breesport. Maybe move on to
          the Northern Country.

The shot centers on Don's face. He grins evilly and narrows
his eyes.

                      DON RAGS
          No, after all, it's like you said.
          I have a reputation to keep. And
          I'll kill whoever it takes to keep
          it!

                                             CUT TO:

EXT. BREESPORT (CITY STREETS)



Ford leads Arch and Jackson through the city of Breesport.

                      FORD PREFECT
                (to Arch)
          So, you wish to join the Dragon
          Legion? That's a lofty wish for
          someone without a Mastery.

                      ARCH GARRET
          Everyone in my family's tried to
          get in. I'm going to be the first
          to actually do it.

                      FORD PREFECT
          Everyone, you say? How could they
          have not told you about the one
          basic requirement to get in?

                      ARCH GARRET
                (sheepishly)
          Well, I guess it may have to do
          with the fact they don't know I was
          planning on trying to join...

                      FORD PREFECT
          You are an odd one, Arch, but I
          will not turn you away so soon. I
          put a lot of faith in Jackson's
          words, and she would not lie to me.
          You will be given the same fair
          chance we offer to every other
          person who asks to join.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (excited)
          Really? Thank you so much!

                      FORD PREFECT
                (smiling)
          Oh, there's no need for that. After
          all, you hate me for this by week's
          end.

Arch turns to Jackson, who has been silent this whole time.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (whispering)
          What does he mean by that?

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (shrugging)
          You really don't want to know.

Arch feels a chill down his spine as Jackson says this.
Before he has a chance to ask her what she means by her
comment,  Ford stops walking in front of a large, ornate
building by the sea. The building has a large, wooden door
with a large sign bearing the Dragon Legion's insignia upon
it.

                      FORD PREFECT
                (motioning to the
                 building)
          Well, here we are. The Southern
          Branch of the Dragon Legion. Go on
          inside, Arch. I have some things to
          speak with Jackson about in
          private.

Arch walks into the building, awaiting the new life he is
about to experience.

                                             CUT TO:

INT. DRAGON LEGION: SOUTHERN BRANCH (ENTRANCE)

Inside the building, Arch found himself in a fancy hallway
leading up to a woman at a desk. The woman was wearing
glasses and a brown sweater, even though it was the middle
of summer.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (approaching the desk)
          Um, hello? I'm Arch Garret, and I-

                      NATALIE FLINT
          Oh, are you a new recruit? I'm
          Natalie Flint, but you can call me
          Nat. Alright, can you tell me the
          name of your Mastery?

                      ARCH GARRET
          Oh, I don't have a Mastery.

                      NATALIE FLINT
                (eerily smiling)
          Is that so? Then why are you here?

                      ARCH GARRET
          Well, it's like you said, I'm here
          to join the-

Natalie doesn't wait for Arch to finish the sentence. She
stands up and begins hovering in the air above him. Arch
notices that her eyes have turned pitch black, and her hair
has taken a more greenish tint.

                      NATALIE FLINT
                (shouting)
          Well, if you don't have a Mastery,
          then you have no business in here.
          I suggest you leave before I am
          forced to remove you myself.

Arch looks up at the crazy flying woman and begins shaking
in terror.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (stuttering)
          I- I'm sorry, Miss. I'll b-be going
          now.

Turning around to leave, Arch sees Ford and Jackson enter
the building.

                      FORD PREFECT
          What's going on here?

                      NATALIE FLINT
                (still hovering in the
                 air)
          This nuisance refuses to leave the
          building. With your permission, I
          will gladly escort him outside.

Ford shakes his head and approaches Natalie.

                      FORD PREFECT
          No, that won't be necessary. Just
          let him sign up.

                      NATALIE FLINT
                (eyes returning to
                 normal)
          But, sir-

                      FORD PREFECT
                (placing his hand on
                 Nat's shoulder)
          I'll explain later, but this boy
          has proven his strength. Jackson
          has told me some interesting things
          about him.

Natalie bows her head and ceases her hovering. She returns
to the desk, takes her seat, and adjusts her papers.

                      NATALIE FLINT
          Fine, then let's get started, but
          it's this kid's funeral.

                                             CUT TO:

INT. DRAGON LEGION: BREESPORT BRANCH (GATHERING HALL)

Arch is led by Jackson into a large room with at least fifty
other people of various kinds gathered into groups and
talking amongst themselves. On the far side of the room was
a stage with an old man in a cowboy hat sitting on it,
appearing to be sound asleep, despite the loud murmuring of
the crowd. Also on the stage is a large door, just sitting
in the middle of the stage.

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (leaving Arch)
          See ya, Arch. And good luck, you're
          gonna need it.

Now alone, Arch walks around the room, looking around at the
various groups of other recruits around him. In one group, a
beastman and an elderly woman sitting in a small kart with
miniguns attached to the side are in a cordial conversation.
In another group, a man with pink hair is in a heated
argument with a girl wearing a green bandana with the word
"Die" written across it.

                      ERIC FELTON
                (offscreen)
          What a bunch of weirdos, am I
          right?

Arch turns to face the source of the voice to see a young
man in a red tunic over a chain-mail shirt. The man's tunic
has a strange symbol on it that also appears on a band that
hangs loosely around the man's neck.

                      ERIC FELTON
                (to Arch)
          The name's Eric Felton, of the
          Felton Knights. What's yours?

                      ARCH GARRET
          I'm Arch Garret.

                      ERIC FELTON
          "Arch Garret". Yes. The name of a
          true warrior! How about we have
          ourselves a little sparing match?
          Test out each other's Masteries!

                      ARCH GARRET
                (not having a Mastery)
          I, uh-

A new figure appears behind Eric, placing its hand on the
knight's shoulder.

                      AUSTIN MOORE
                (ominously)
          Ah wouldn't do that if Ah were you,
          son.

Eric and Arch look at the new figure, who is revealed to be
the man who was previously sleeping on stage.

                      AUSTIN MOORE
                (looking at Eric)
          Fightin between recruits is against
          the rules, see, and Ah enforce
          those rules. Ya hear?

Eric nods furiously.

                      ERIC FELTON
          Yessir. Sorry sir! Won't happen
          again, sir.

                      AUSTIN MOORE
          Good, good.

Austin's attention turns to Arch.

                      AUSTIN MOORE
                (scratching his mustache)
          Hmmm, so yer the kid mah
          granddaughter picked up, huh? Ah
          ain't impressed.

                      ARCH GARRET
          Jackson's your granddaughter?

                      AUSTIN MOORE
          Yer just full of questions, ain't
          you? Of course, she is. Who else
          you think learned her how to fight?

Arch begins to respond, but before he can, Austin walks back
up to the stage and shouts at the top of his lungs.

                      AUSTIN MOORE
                (shouting)
          Listen up, newbies! The name's
          Austin Moore, and Ah'm in charge
          'round these parts! Yer all wantin
          to join up with the Legion, eh?
          Well, you gotta get through me
          first. Fer the next week, yer all
          gonna be put through hell and back!
          Welcome to the DRAGON'S GAUNTLET!

Everyone begins to murmur about what Austin just said.

                      AUSTIN MOORE
          Now, Ah'm sure yer all curious as
          to what this is going to work. Ah'm
          gonna send you off to a remote
          island in the Grande Sea, and yer
          gonna survive fer a week. At the
          end of the week, the first five of
          you to make it back to the spot Ah
          left you will become full members
          in the Legion.

A recruit raises his hand.

                      RECRUIT
          What happens to everyone else who
          doesn't make it?

                      AUSTIN MOORE
                (smiling)
          Who cares about everyone else?

An audible gasp fills the room. Satisfied with his first
impression, Austin clears his throat and continues with his
speach.

                      AUSTIN MOORE
          Now, there are a few rules that we
          should go over. First, there are no
          restrictions as to what ya may do
          while on the island. Second, anyone
          found to recieve assistance from
          anyone not authorized to be on that
          island will be disqualified. Any
          questions? No? Good.

With the rules for the Dragon Gauntlet established, Austing
gestures to the large door behind him.

                      AUSTIN MOORE
          This door is a Mastery called
          Backdoor. When Ah open it, it'll
          lead right to the island where you
          newbies will spend the rest of yer
          little initiation. Now, who wants
          to go first?

                      SONNY BELL
                (offscreen)
          I will!

Everyone turns to the back of the room, where a

12
Develop Your Story / Master of None
« on: January 10, 2017, 12:37:14 AM »
A few months ago, I posted a few chapters of a story I originally called "Dragons and Demons". Over the past few months, I've rewritten those chapters until I finally got the beginning to the story that I want to tell. The premise of this story is that Arch Garret wants to join the legendary Dragon Legion, for no reason other than every other male member of his family has tried, and failed, to do so. The only catch is that the only requirement to even be considered to be recruited is to wield a weapon/power called a Mastery, a kind of weapon/power designed to give mortals the power to kill the gods. Without a Mastery, Arch must fight powerful villains and heroes of myth to prove that he is strong enough to be allowed a chance to join the Dragon Legion, but will his own strength be enough? I've only got the first chapter ready to post, but I'll be sure to update with all the further chapters that I write. I hope you enjoy.


Chapter 1

Spoiler
EXT. COUNTRYSIDE

Arch Garret walks along the road to Breesport. The
countryside was quiet except for Arch's whistling. As he
walked along, he passed along a small farm with three men
tending to the crops. As he passes by, one of the farm hands
waves over at Arch, who waves politely back. Continuing to
walk along the road, Arch comes across a bridge. As he
crosses the bridge, the river erupts into a large splash and
completely conceals the bridge in water.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (caught off guard)
          Huh?

A large River Reptile, a snake-like beast that lurks in
southern rivers and lakes, bursts from the water beneath the
bridge, its gaping mouth full of teeth. Arch begins to fall
into the mouth of the beast, but he stops himself by
grabbing onto the monster's teeth.

                      ARCH GARRET
          Well, this is great...

While this is all happening, a blonde-haired girl wearing a
green parka sits on the branch of a nearby tree.

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (to Arch)
          Need some help?

                      ARCH GARRET
                (holding the River
                 Reptile's mouth open)
          Nah, I'm good.

                      JACKSON MOORE
          Cause it looks like you're in a bit
          of trouble, there.

                      ARCH GARRET
          I think I'd know when I'm in
          trouble.

The River Reptile roars loudly and throws its head about,
tossing Arch into the air above it.

                      ARCH GARRET
          Okay, now I'm in trouble.

Arch braces himself for impact with the monster's terrible
jaws, but instead, he is caught by Jackson, who had jumped
the entire distance from the tree branch to land on the
other side of the river.

                      ARCH GARRET
          Nice catch.

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (smiling)
          Thanks. The name's Jackson, by the
          way.

                      ARCH GARRET
          Mine's Arch.

                      JACKSON MOORE
          And what brings you out to the
          Breesport?

                      ARCH GARRET
          Well, before I almost became fish
          food, I was planning on joining the
          local branch of the Dragon Legion.

                      JACKSON MOORE
          That's some grand aspirations for
          someone who couldn't handle an
          over-grown eel.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (brushing off the
                 criticism)
          Oh, that thing? It took me by
          surprise, that's all.

                      JACKSON MOORE
          Well, if it's all the same to you,
          I took care of that thing for you
          anyway.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (remembering the River
                 Reptile)
          You wha-?

Arch turns around to see the River Reptile, as well as a
large portion of the river itself, has been completely
covered in a thick layer of solid ice.

                      JACKSON MOORE
          Consider it a welcome to the Dragon
          Legion.

                                             CUT TO:

EXT. BREESPORT (CITY STREETS)

Breesport is a large, walled-off port city with a general
fantasy feel, but with a clear 1900's inspiration in some of
the architecture. There are people of all kind walking the
streets, including beastmen, a minotaur-like people, and
bugmen, an insect-like race. A voice begins to narrate, and
as he does so, there is a visual representation overlay of
what he's saying.

                      NARRATOR
                (narrating)
          For as long as Mortalkind can
          remember, terrible monsters and
          powerful demons have plagued the
          land we live in. Seeing our plight,
          the Old Gods bestowed magical
          weapons called Masteries upon the
          mortals to fight back against the
          endless hordes of untameable
          beasts. These mortals eventually
          formed the Dragon Legion with the
          sole purpose of protecting all
          Mortalkind from attacks by monster
          and demon alike.

Arch walks through the city gates followed closely by
Jackson, who seems uninterested in the magnitude of the city
around her. Arch, on the other hand, is greatly impressed by
the size of the city.

                      ARCH GARRET
          Wow, you don't see this kind of
          stuff when you live inland.

                      JACKSON MOORE
          Don't get used to it. If you join
          the Legion, like you plan on doing,
          then you'll probably spend most of
          your time travelling around the
          countryside.

As the two walk the streets of Breesport, the sounds of
shouting can be heard from a nearby alleyway. Shortly
afterward, a tall, lean man with spiky hair jumps out of the
alley and rushes into Arch and Jackson.

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (annoyed with the guy
                 running into her)
          Hey, watch it!

                      DON RAGS
                (turning to face Jackson)
          What did you say, bitch?

Jackson is able to clearly see the man's face. He has a
pronounced chin and two scars on his forehead. The man's
eyes are a piercing green color, and the man's teeth have a
foul tinge of yellow to them.

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (internally)
          Oh, crap! This guy's Don Rags, the
          third most-wanted man in the world.
          Whatever I do, I mustn't get him
          angry!

In the very next shot, Arch gets in Don's face.

                      ARCH GARRET
          She said "watch it", creep! And
          would it kill ya to use a
          toothbrush? I can smell your breath
          from here.

This statement understandably shocks Jackson, who looks on
in horror as Don Rags towers over Arch and grabs him by the
collar of his shirt.

                      DON RAGS
                (to Arch)
          And who are you to speak to me with
          that tone?

                      ARCH GARRET
          I'm Arch Garret, and I'm going to
          kick your ass!

Arch swings his leg into Don's gut, catching the fearsome
man off guard. In that moment, Don lets go of Arch's collar,
and Jackson grabs Arch's arm and drags him away.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (shouting indignantly)
          Hey, what are you doing? I was
          about to kick that guy's ass!

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (panting)
          "That guy" was Don Rags, the third
          most wanted criminal in the world.
          I've heard that he's killed entire
          villages over an insults less than
          yours.

                      ARCH GARRET
          He doesn't look that tough to me.

                                             CUT TO:

EXT. BREESPORT (ALLEYWAY)

Jackson comes to a stop after turning around a corner in an
alleyway. She takes a moment to catch her breath.

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (to Arch)
          You say you want to join the Dragon
          Legion, right?

                      ARCH GARRET
          That's the plan!

                      JACKSON MOORE
          And that means that you have a
          Mastery, right?

                      ARCH GARRET
                (not understanding)
          A what-now?

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (shaking Arch)
          Quit joking! If you planned on
          joining the Legion, you'd have to
          at least have a Mastery! It's in
          the basic rules to even be
          considered!

                      ARCH GARRET
                (shrugging)
          To be honest, I just thought they'd
          let me in if I asked nicely.

Groaning in irritation, Jackson looks behind a corner to see
if Don was pursuing them.

                      ARCH GARRET
          If you're so worried about that Don
          guy, why don't you just do that
          thing you did with the ice at the
          river?

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (dripping with sarcasm)
          Oh, thank you! I'd never would have
          thought of that. Whatever would I
          have done without you telling me
          what I already know?!

                      ARCH GARRET
                (aside)
          The sarcasm was unnecessary...

                      JACKSON MOORE
          I can't use my Mastery in such a
          tight space without causing
          collateral damage. We need to lure
          Don to somewhere more open.

From the streets, Arch and Jackson hear the roar of Don Rags
rampaging through the city.

                      DON RAGS
          Come on out! Don't go spitting out
          fighting words if you can't follow
          through!

                      ARCH GARRET
                (quietly)
          So what's the plan?

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (quietly)
          If we can get a head start, we can
          get him to chase us out the city
          gates.

                      ARCH GARRET
          Great! But how are we going to get
          his attention?

Jackson looks at Arch with a knowing smile on her face.

                                             CUT TO:

EXT. BREESPORT (CITY STREETS)

Don Rags stalks the streets of the Southern Capitol, looking
for the kids who disrespected him by the city gate.
Suddenly, a voice rings out from behind him.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (offscreen)
          Hey, Two-Chins!

The shot shifts to show Arch standing behind Don, taunting
the massive criminal.

                      ARCH GARRET
          I'm here to kick your ass!

Turning violently to face Arch, Don lets out a deafening
roar and smashes the ground with a nearby lamppost.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (actually noticing how
                 massive Don Rags
                 actually is)
          On second thought, I think I should
          come back at a better time for
          you...

Arch begins to dash away to the city gates, as per the plan.
Don also runs in that direction, with the sole intent to
kill Arch as soon as he can get his hands on him.

                      DON RAGS
                (bellowing)
          You get back here and die like a
          man!

                      ARCH GARRET
                (internally)
          This guy doesn't seem like he's
          kidding. I hope Jackson's plan
          works...

Finally running through the city gates, Arch exits the city
and Don follows shortly behind.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (shouting)
          Jackson, do it now!

Arch turns around to see if Jackson has frozen, but instead,
he finds Don standing above him with hate in his eyes.

                      DON RAGS
                (snarling)
          Was this your plan? To get me to
          follow you out of the city and lure
          me into some kind of trap?

Don grabs Arch by the throat and begins to slowly choke him.

                      DON RAGS
          Do you really think I'm stupid
          enough to fall for something like
          that? And look around! Your friend
          isn't here to help you. And when I
          finish up here, I'll kill her too.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (slowly losing
                 consciousness)
          Did... Did Jackson really abandon
          me?

As Don sees that Arch is struggling, he grins in pleasure.
However, as he does so, his breath turns white, and he
suddenly feels a mild chill.

                      DON RAGS
                (shivering slightly)
          Hey, why is it suddenly so cold?

A snowflake lands on Don's nose, prompting the man to drop
Arch in confusion and look at the sky.

                      DON RAGS
          Snow? In the middle of summer? How
          is this possible?

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (offscreen)
          You should always keep an eye on
          the weather.

Don turns around to see Jackson standing in a patch of
frozen ground, wielding a massive sword made of ice.

                      JACKSON MOORE
          You never know when it might change
          for the worse.

                      DON RAGS
                (sneering)
          Are you really going to fight with
          a weapon made of ice? I'd shatter
          it in a single blow.

Jackson chuckles and begins to run toward Don, who rears
back his fist and delivers a mighty punch toward Jackson.
She dodges, however, and the fist hits the earth, creating a
small crater where it lands. Jackson, while in the air,
swings her ice blade at Don, but the attack is disrupted
when Don destroys the sword by smashing his palm into it.

                      DON RAGS
                (laughing)
          Like I said, girl, a sword made of
          ice stands no chance against me.

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (smiling)
          Oh, really?

Don is confused by what she says, but then notices that a
piece of ice from the sword had frozen itself to his
knuckles. The ice begins to grow, covering Don's arm, and
eventually his whole body, in a matter of seconds.

                      DON RAGS
                (being swallowed in ice)
          What... is... this?

The monstrous man is soon covered entirely in a thick layer
of ice. Arch finally catches hi breath and joins with
Jackson.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (impressed)
          That was awesome! How did you do
          all that stuff with the ice?

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (smiling)
          My Mastery is called Cold Heart. It
          gives me the power to summon and
          control ice.

                      ARCH GARRET
          Like you did at the river?

                      JACKSON MOORE
          Well, at the river, it was
          different. All I did there was
          freeze the river, and the ice got
          the River Reptile for me. Without
          preexisting water, I have to get
          something to touch the ice before I
          can freeze it.

The statue of Don Rags shudders a bit, and Arch takes quick
notice to that.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (gesturing to Don)
          So what are we going to do about
          Frosty over there?

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (shrugging)
          I guess we need to let the local
          branch of the Dragon Legion know I
          caught him.

                      ARCH GARRET
          I think you mean "we caught him".

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (raising an eyebrow)
          "We"? Without me, you'd been
          pounded into the street the minute
          you stepped into town.

                      ARCH GARRET
          I think I could have taken him by
          myself.

                      JACKSON MOORE
          Please... You couldn't even taken
          just one River Reptile. How could
          you possibly handle the third most
          wanted-

A loud crack is heard from behind the two arguing teens.
Turning to face Don, they see a sinister green flame
engulfing the ice, melting it and releasing the monster
inside.

                      DON RAGS
                (growling)
          So, it seems that I'll have to use
          my Mastery to beat you. Pathetic
          that I have to rely on it to beat a
          couple of snot-nosed brats.

The ice around Don crumbles, and the hulking man begins to
roar. Green fire flies in all directions as Don charges at
Arch and Jackson, who jump in opposite directions to dodge
the attack.

                      DON RAGS
          Behold the power of Devil's
          Advocate! My flames will burn the
          two of you to ash!

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (internally)
          This is bad... If my ice can't stop
          him, then what can?

Jackson's thoughts are interrupted by the sound of shouting
coming from the other side of Don. Arch, as it is revealed
bum rushes Don and delivers a punch directly into the side
of Don's face.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (shouting the name of his
                 attack)
          Bullet Style: Beanbag!

Taking Don completely by surprise, the attack sends the man
flying several feet from the sheer force of the punch.

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (in total shock)
          What... What was that?

                      ARCH GARRET
                (smiling widely)
          Ha! Told ya I'd kick your ass!

                      DON RAGS
                (standing back up)
          You little... punk! I'll... I'll
          kill you!

                      ARCH GARRET
          Bring it!

The two rush at each other, with Don delivering an opening
punch toward Arch's head, but that attack is dodged as Arch
simply ducks beneath it. Arch then sends his fist flying
into Don's gut.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (shouting his attack)
          Bullet Style: Double Tap!

The punch knocks the breath out of Don, but a second punch
follows shortly afterward, sending the massive man flying
into the air. Satisfied with his attack, Arch turns away and
rubs his fists.

                      ARCH GARRET
          That was fun. Maybe we can do this
          again some time.

Jackson runs up to Arch and puts her hands on his shoulders.

                      JACKSON MOORE
          How- how did you do all of that?

                      ARCH GARRET
          Do what? I just punched him. Not
          really that much of a mystery.

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (pointing at Don's
                 unconscious body)
          That man is the third most wanted
          criminal in all of Atlas! He's
          killed countless people, including
          members of the Dragon Legion, and
          you just beat him with three
          punches.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (rubbing the back of his
                 head)
          I mean, you did wear him out a
          little with your fight with him.
          I'm sure he was just tired from
          that.

                      JACKSON MOORE
                (immediately accepting
                 that answer)
          Of course. Now it all makes sense.
          Don was too injured from my initial
          attack to fight at full strength,
          and that's why some kid without a
          Mastery was able to beat him.

                      ARCH GARRET
                (taking offense)
          Hey, I'm still here, you know.

The shot zooms out as Arch and Jackson jokingly argue over
who gets the credit for beating Don.

                      NARRATOR
                (narrating)
          Thus marks the beginning of a team
          whose combined power will rock the
          world. However, there are still
          more foes that they must face
          before they can find rest...

                                             CUT TO:

EXT. COUNTRYSIDE

A figure in a black coat and hat, wearing a purple scarf
accented with yellow triangles, walks along the path to the
Breesport. He is stopped by a massive Ape-Man standing in
the road in front of him. The monster lets out a mighty roar
and charges toward the figure. However, the figure continues
walking around the charging beast, narrowly avoiding the
monster's enormous claws. As the figure passes by the
Ape-Man, the beast turns around to charge again, but before
it can do so, the figure raises an arm.

                      SONNY BELL
                (sighing)
          Three, two, one...

At the count of one, a massive slash cuts down the Ape-Man,
causing it to fall over in a heap. Continuing on his way,
the figure, named Sonny, makes his way down the path on his
way to Breesport.

                      SONNY BELL
          Maybe one of the guys at that
          Dragon Legion will put up a better
          fight...

Feel free to leave your criticism.

Edit: Caught a minor error on my part.

13
Develop Your Story / Master of None
« on: August 12, 2016, 10:00:39 PM »
So for the past several weeks, I have been working on a story that I'm really happy with, but I'd really like an outsider's opinion on before I waste too much time on this.

Story:

Every ten years, the Legion of Dragons holds an event called the Dragon Trials in which anyone from around the world may compete for the chance to join the Legion. The only (unofficial) requirement is to wield a Mastery, a mystical weapon that grants the user power that rivals that of the gods. The world's greatest warriors have all gathered together to meet this challenge, but one young man, named Arch, chooses to face the challenge without a Mastery. Facing opponents of unimaginable strength, Arch must fight monsters, other Trial participants, and even the fearsome demons that haunt the shadows of the world.

Characters:
(main characters listed as their Five Man Band characteristics)
-Arch - protagonist - eager to impress; impatient; takes things a bit too literally - wields no Mastery, but has incredible strength
-Eric Felton - smart guy - levelheaded; strategic; knowledgeable about many topics - wields Artifact:Mirror-Mirror, a highly reflective shield that allows the user to create "mirror clones" of his/herself
-Lincoln - lancer - boastful; greedy; aggressive - wields Artifact:Red Hand, a gauntlet that allows the user to "pocket" any object, regardless of size, within arm's reach
-Sonny - big guy - ironically the smallest member of the team; shy around people; does not know his strength - wields Guardian:Sylvia, a pseudo-goddess that gives him a near infinite healing factor
-Jackson - the chick (yes, Jackson's a girl) - kind-hearted; takes the "easiest solution" to her problems; easily stressed out - wields Talent:Frostbite, the ability to create, manipulate, and become ice
-----
I have a script halfway written for the first chapter, but I'd like an opinion on the concept before I get too committed to an idea that may not be as good as I think it is.

14
General Discussion / Should I Remake my Senior Project?
« on: July 10, 2016, 08:16:14 PM »
I've been thinking about this for a while, but I want to see what you think. For my high school senior project, I made a "comic" that sucked hard. However, after about two years, I think it wouldn't hurt to put my higher level of writing/drawing skill to the test to make a better version of what I had before. Should I go for it?

15
General Manga writer discussions / How Do I Focus?
« on: July 01, 2016, 11:28:36 PM »
I'm relatively new here, but in the month I've been around, I have already posted three different ideas for stories, with even more ideas stuffed on the back shelf of my mind. Knowing that it is incredibly unlikely that I could successfully juggle my time between all of these ideas at once, I have to ask, how do you guys get yourselves to focus on one idea long enough to finish it? I'd really like the advice, because I would like to finish at least one of my ideas eventually.

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