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Topics - Flames

Pages: [1] 2
1
Develop Your Story / To Hide A Human!!
« on: September 12, 2017, 11:13:38 PM »
Okay! So following the advice of a good friend I wanted to re-write the story in a different way that was more presentable. With this in my I tried not to make things too simple this time around and go all out with it and being more elaborate with my scene's and word choices. In reality this is probably more tailored to how I like writing. With this in mind I do have a certain medium I want it to head towards and as I continue to practice drawing hopefully I can do that pretty soon.

So some disclaimers, All this is subject to change and some grammar nonsense is bound to appear! Though I did try my best to catch everything. I set myself to re-write at least one chapter a day so I kind of have to keep trucking through!(On chapter 5 atm!) Now I'm not sure how formatting is gonna work with me but I'll just copy and paste it from docs. Anyway here we go with the main synop. since it sums it up pretty well.

Kou walking home one night stumbled upon a book thrown about on the floor. Upon picking it up and opening, a bright flash appears which causes his eyes to take some damage and passing out. When he awakes he looks towards the sky and lo and behold he sees something quite strange. Brooms, and what's more people riding on them! Upon realizing such a situation he sits down to recollect his thoughts when a object flies straight down to his head. After retreating it, hes greeted with a girl, Yami claiming that the book was hers. When she sees Kou's eyes she becomes excited. Little to Kou's knowledge his eyes has changed colors dramatically! Yami decides that Kou is infected with an illness and has little time to live. Claiming she is a witch Kou finds himself in a unreal situation!  Kou with all this information pleads the girl to help but will she lend him a hand? What exactly does this world of Witches have to greet Kou with?! What sorts of dangers will arise?


So I plan on merging both a fantasy element with a serious undertone and thats were the writing generally was heading before, I just think this way its more presentable as things are now more fleshed out. I Love steins gate so I was listening to a lot of the tracks while writing so I'm not sure if itll do much but it did help me focus so you should listen to a few if you do read it!(Either the steins gate 0 logical or newcommer in the ost's) Kind of had it on loop so yeah... As such, I think you should know what medium I'm starting to head into!

Anway, here it is, the first chapter! Love it, hate it, Its bound to change and revise, so let see!

Spoiler
It was another normal day to say the least. The waking hours of going to school, the time seated at my desk waiting for the day to be over. To the exhaustion of walking back home. This normal course of events never really bothered me much. It was late and the whispers of nature were about making their presence known. I could recall how thunderous my footsteps echoed as I ventured home. It would seem that this gait of mine was endless, my steps never seeming to advance. Yet, there was one more thing that was prominent throughout this experience. It was the glistening moon peering into the world below it. It was beautiful how such a thing existed and how radiantly it defied the darkness of the night sky. As I continued, my foot ran into an object on the ground, It appeared to be a book.       
   I dusted off the book which seemed to be in rough condition as its cover and corners were in disarray. I assumed that this was the reason for it to be discarded like so, still, I had a feeling of disgust to whoever tossed it away like this. Upon inspecting it’s cover I realized that it was quite hard to make out. Or rather, it was in a language I’ve never seen before, its tattered pages tempted me to take a glance inside. Upon doing so I quickly realized that this book was quite extraordinary. Its detailed drawings illuminated throughout the pages which only increased my curiosity to continue. Then, at that very moment in which I turned to the next page, I was blinded. A pure white light shone brilliantly, forcing itself onto my eyes. The pain quickly became evident as the still night, welcomed my screams of agony as I held my eyes. Desperately I tried to scratch and rub off the sensation but it was persistent. My vision had escaped me and my beating heart rocketed into the atmosphere. After some time, in which I saw small patches of vision, I glanced at my hands which were trembling. They were covered in a red substance, it continued to drip through my fingers and splatter onto the ground. It was then when my legs gave, and I collapsed onto the cold concrete floor as my mind slowly reached a state of unconscious.
    With my mind regained, I was at a loss thrown onto the floor my body in complete fatigue. I decided to stand in which my head had seemed to inhabit large drums constantly banging loudly. I tried to regain composure to the best of my ability but even that eluded me. I faintly remembered what had happened before, in doing so I glanced at my hands. It was there I confirmed whatever had occurred. My hands faintly showed traces of dried blood, upon realizing it my body began to rattle.
  Just what had happened? That thought continued to echo throughout my brain. There was nothing that came even close to an experience like this. From what I could garner, it was now daytime. I looked to the sky in which threw me more into uncertainty, brooms. Broom’s flying throughout the air, to add insult to such a thing, there were people on them. I stood flabbergasted at the sight of such absurdity. My eyes were glued as they wisped past effortlessly through the air almost to the point of admiration. I took another glance towards my palms and touched the stains once more. It was then I felt the chills and sweat beginning to form and caressing my spine as it became fuming with heat.
   Those in the sky didn’t seem to pay any mind to my lowly being. As I began to walk, I noticed that the buildings around me seemed out of place, some in which even I had no recollection of. Noticing a bench nearby I decided to sit to calm my nerves and to relieve this sense of drain plaguing me. Closing my eyes I tried to muster together my thoughts however, the attempt was short lived. Judging from the trajectory of the impact, it would seem a object had fallen from the sky and made an impact on my head. The pain seemed to snap back my sense of reality as I rubbed the site of the pain. I glanced over to the object in which it was yet, another book. My hands began to cramp as I slowly made my way towards it.
    Glancing at it from a distance I couldn’t make out the cover, but it would seem my inner feline wanted to take the chance yet again. I picked it up and brought it over to the bench to examine it. This book was in good condition and was neatly preserved. I gritted my teeth and opened the book with hesitation. I flinched, however nothing seemed to occur like before. I began using my finger to guide my vision but It was impossible for me to make out anything. From what I could put together from the vivid illustrations, It would seem to be a book of medicine.
  I became all the more intrigued and lost myself in the pages. It was then when I felt a warm and soft sensation of padded feet run up my arm. I was startled by the small creature, it resembled that of a chipmunk. I shook it off fearing the possibility of being bitten by such a thing, however in doing so it landed right on top of the book. It gazed at me with its large eyes and slowly opened its mouth wide. It was then when a large amount of noise mimicking that of a tornado alarm radiated out of its mouth. I tried my best to block the sound out however, it still pierced through and rattled my eardrum. After a while it stopped and I was exhausted as I hanged off the side of the bench.
 “W-w-whhat did I d-do you stupid little animal?!”
I tried to scare it away once more in which it glanced back at me. Disgust was clearly presented on my face as I questioned how something so small could emit such a large amount of sound.
  “Oyyyyy”
    A voice rang out from the sky that belonged to that of a girl. My attention quickly shot up towards the source in which she, was slowly descending down on top one of those flying brooms.
  “So this is where I dropped it, thanks Lilly, Oh..?”
  The girl directed her attention at me in which I could only stare back with a dumbfounded expression splattered on my face. I reconfirmed that these were actually people who were about in the sky.
  “Whats wrong?” the girl asked.
“Please  be a dream” My face had now gone under the influence of exhaustion as the girl curiously stared back at me. She glanced over to the small creature who was now sitting on top of the bench next to me once more.
  “Were you the one to stumble upon that? Someone was definitely reading through my book, you better have not taken anything from it you hear me?” The girl had a demonizing gaze as she peered towards me
   “How could I have taken anything from a book? I was looking through it, but.. How would you know?” It would be safe to assume that I might have opened it, but it seemed she was too sure of the fact.
   “What are you talking about of course I wou- Ah!” The girl dismounted from her broom and quickly rushed towards my direction.
  “W-whats wrong?!” I asked.
  “Whats up with your eyes! Let me see, let me see!” The girl held back my head quite abruptly and pushed her face closer to inspect my eye. It startled me in which I quickly refuted.
“D-don't go grabbing me out of nowhere!” What's with this girl? I asked myself as I created distance between us.
   “Hmm they do seem pretty odd now that I’ve gotten a closer look at them.” She said as she gazed at me.
  “What are you on about? My eye’s are perfectly normal..” At least my vision I thought, I’m not that forgetful to not remember what had occurred which felt just like moments ago.
 “Did you mess up a concoction or something? It does seem like a lousy job if you ask me but..”
   I was confused about what she had meant, it was a word I had little familiarity with. I know that it had to do with medicine of some kind, but how could that affect my eyes at all? Regardless her statement did worry me.
 “Do you have a mirror or cellphone on you? You're making me worry now.” I said as I began to touch and rub my eyes profoundly.
   “A m-m-..miii roor? Or a C-celll phoooonne?? I’ve never heard of those before.. Are they a spell?! What do they do?!” She said excitedly
  I was taken back by her lack of understanding of what these things were. I thought that maybe she was just someone who lacked such knowledge. With this in mind I asked her in a simpler way, “Something that you can look at yourself with. Do you have anything like that?” I asked.
   “Ah..., You're talking about a gaper, how boring. Here I thought those were spells I didn't know about, what a waste of my energy.” She said while pulling out a mirror like object out with a disappointed face as she handed it over to me reluctantly.
   I grabbed it and quickly brought it to my face in which I blurted out without my intention, “My eyes?! What happened to them?!” I continued to peer into the mirror getting closer and closer to affirm that my eyes were normal. However the dark brown tones of my iris had now transformed into a bright glowing red.
  “W-what?! Don’t go screaming like that you freak.” The girl said as she moved herself away from me.
   “Y-you! Fix this, y-you know about this right?! Something about spells or whatever, fix it!” I pleaded to her in which, with every word she took took a step back.
   “Ha.. ha,, Uhm.. No, good bye” She said with a stone face as she and her animal started to mount her broom.
   “H-hey! Wait! Hold on!” I grabbed the end of her broom trying to get her to remain where she was.
   “Ahh come on, let go you weirdo! I’m going to be late again, go find out on your own.” She said as she began to kick my hands off of the end of the wooden broom.
    I wasn't sure what to say to make her stay. I thought I could maybe manipulate her in some way with that in mind I tried to continue the conversation, anything that would stop her.
  “It was me who held onto your book right?!”
   “Not really, Lilly was the one who found it for me you know?” She said as she saw my sorrowful state with disgust in her eyes as I tried to plead. “Geez, aren’t you a witch too? Go figure it out and fix your own mess”
   “Witches…?” I knew what those those things were. But with the way I’ve seen everything up until now, comparing that to this girl would be impossible. Witches, were nothing more than fairy tales who prance about in black hats. To say the least it didn't even pass my mind when I saw them flying in the air. Witches? How insane is that I thought, normally you would associate them being clad in a black robe with green skin right? It would be foolish to compare this girl with something like that. She began to notice that I was at a loss for words.
   “What..? Did you hit your head or something…?”
   “I..” It was hard for me to even respond as I didn't know what the right words would be. I still haven't gotten a grasp of my current situation, let alone confirming if any of this is actually happening. Is my mind playing tricks with me? Surely that could be the case, or maybe I’ve fallen into some deep sleep dream? If it were that easy I would be at ease but i'm growing all the more restless. Almost to the point where I'm beginning to question my own sanity. Is this real? Am I aware? Am I well? My hands surely nodded towards a specific direction, but yet again, is it?
  “R-right, well then..” The girl slowly turned around to avoid my presence in which I spoke once more.
  “Hold it,” I said with a more composed manner as I took a deep breath.
   “What is it now?” It would seem she was starting to tire of the conversation.
  “What are you even late for?” To ask her something like this would delay her even further, but my only resource  was her at the moment.
   “To class of course, Ah-!” She opened her book in which bells appeared shooting straight up as they began to chime. “The bell… Gah… I can’t even go anymore..” She closed the book and turned her attention to me once more with demon like eyes.
   “Is that bad?” I asked to try and brush off the absurdity of what I just witnessed. Bells? That came out of a book to confirm a time? Granted it doesn't seem that extraordinary when you think about it. But for it to be something so animated and vivid? I had to maintain composure in front of all that while asking her.
   “Shut up, this is your fault..” She stopped hovering in the air and descended down her feet now on the ground.
   “Wasn’t it the book that you carelessly dropped that made you late?” I said as I tried to brush off the fact that in reality it probably was me that made her late. However, I had no guilt towards this in anyway. She sighed and then spoke.
  “In any case, what exactly did you make to change your eyes to look like that? It seems quite odd and abnormal.”
   “I don't know, I was walking home at night and happened to stumble upon a book that was thrown on the ground. When I looked at some pages a strange light appeared from it…” At least that's what I think what happened. Let alone it seems quite peculiar to say outloud even now.
   “What.. where exactly was this book that you found?” It would seem she was a bit more interested in what I had to say.
   “It was just on the side of the street, a block away from a mini supermarket, now that I remember.”
   “A suuuu..parrr market..? That's mini..?” She said while trying to spell out the words I tossed at her.
    “A store.. Of sorts..” I found it quite bizarre that she didn't know common words that would be used. Though, to say the least, she has used some words that seem alien to me as well. Contemplating my thoughts as to why, she interrupted by speaking.
   “I’m not entirely sure what that is, but the main thing is your eyes right? I might have a small hunch as to what that is.. But you need to act fast.” she said to me.
   “Why do you say that?” Just why would I need act hastily for anything?
    “It's possible that you've contracted a sickness, I’m not quite too sure of it myself but eventually you will die from something like that. Not that I have any intention of getting rid of it for you” She then began to open and flip through her book.
   “I see, that's great so you think it's possible?” In reality, my head was filled with screams asking myself If I would actually die from something like this.
   I contracted an illness? The whole thing seemed quite ludicrous for my ears. How would something so damaging be easy to contract? I thought about such a thing but it seemed like even with my own knowledge it was definitely possible. I tried to remain as calm as I could to prevent my body from twitching after hearing such a farce like that.
   “Quiet, let's go to the library, I don't have books for anything this specific at home.” She looked over to me “Now that I take a  second look, you do awfully stand out with that. Where exactly did you get that attire?” She reached into her bag and pulled out a gray hood with a gold outline and handed it over to me. “Take it”
   “What for..?” I took a look at my clothes and compared them to hers. It would seem that my attire did have certain attributes that seemed off but why was a cloak necessary?
   “I don’t want to stand out especially not with you. See, i’m wearing one too.” She said as she put over a similar cloak over her head.
   “Fair enough, If I remember correctly the library should be that way right?” I grabbed the cloak and put on the hood. If I could avoid it, I wouldn't want to antagonize her in anyway so I reluctantly accepted it.
   “You’re right, in any case where’s your broom?” She asked while peering behind me.
I didn't have a response to give her. As such I stayed in silence, regardless it seemed I was right about the location of the library but, from the distance I questioned if these streets were the same. It would seem my silence elicited a response from her.
  “Do you not have one..? I know the latest ones are a bit harder to infuse but, generally most people have them.”
   “Might I say I have no idea what the hell you're talking about?” My inner mind slipped and my words escaped me. She sighed at me and shook her head towards my direction.
   “You're useless you know that? Whatever, let's walk, once I figure things out leave me alone got it?” She said as she glared menacingly at me.
   I didn’t want to disregard her demands at the moment so I nodded in agreement to suffice. The two of us began walking from the bench area to the direction of the library. At this moment I realized the two of us were probably quite similar in age. Her hair was bright red and it reached slightly passed her shoulders to say the least it was a pretty color. Her emerald like eyes seemed to compliment it well. Upon looking at her, I realized that we haven't really introduced ourselves properly. I decided this was probably a good time to do so as we walked.
   “So uh..my name’s Kou.. thanks for trying to help me figure out what’s happened” I said haphazardly. My introduction seemed so out of place but, it was better than saying nothing.
   “Help? More like a desperate mutt trying to feed off scraps. I already told you, I’m not going to get rid of it.” She said rather crudely.
    “Was missing class that big of a deal for you? You make it seem out to be the end of your existence.”
    “Mandatory regulations make it a big deal for me, I wouldn’t even bother If it wasn't. What academy are you even from?”
    “I.. can't remember.” It would probably be wise to feign ignorance. There really isn't much I could say or do towards these types of questions.
   “You don't remember huh? The names.. Yami.. Looks like we made it.”
    Upon arriving I noticed the library in particular looks similar. It had the glass doors that were electronically capable of opening on their own. Sometimes they would require you to open them yourself during late hours. I reached out towards them but nothing seemed work. I then grabbed the handle and pulled but, the doors remained shut. It was almost as if the doors handles themselves were non existent. I continued to try but they didn't budge.
   “You okay over there?” Yami said as she opened the door effortlessly.
   Upon her doing so the buildings around me slowly began changing into run down cabins and sheds. They did so quite abruptly that I screamed out towards her. “What the hell is going on?!”
Everything that seemed normal had completely vanished without a trace and I was left baffled at the sight.
   “Maybe you do need to see a specialist as quickly as possible.” Yami said as she tilted her head sideways towards my direction.
  In order to calm myself I walked through the door and was greeted with a room filled with shelves of books that almost touched the ceiling. There seemed to be a very few people around as both me and Yami made our way to a secluded corner with a few tables hugging a window. I could only follow her as my nerves were still a bit rattled by the sudden change of things.
   “Enough standing around and help me, I don't have time for this” Yami quickly moved towards a shelf and began looking over them in a sophisticated way.
   I was enamored by the way she could pull out books from a glance that would interest her. Yami then turned to me as I was lost in the gaze.
  “Stop staring and help already you lazy scum.” She said as she sneered at me.
   “R-right what exactly am I looking for..?” I said rather confused.
   “Anything that has to do with light magic. According to you there was a bright light that appeared after opening that book right?”
   I didn't know what to look for but I began rummaging through the wooden shelfs that seemed so cleanly polished. With what little knowledge I had, all I could go off of were the illustrations painted on the tops and insides of the books. The language still seemed foreign to me, I could not make anything out of it. With this in mind I wondered how me and her could communicate with each other, however the question avoided me and I stumbled upon something similar to light. It had an inscription of lightning on it but this was the only thing I could muster up into presenting.
  “Something like this right..?” I said as Yami stared at me in disbelief. She turned her head and ignored me completely. I went back to the shelves to try to find something worthwhile but I began to get distracted by all the intricate text’s. After a while I glanced over at Yami who seemed to have found something that would help, I walked over to her and asked “Did you find something?”
   “No thanks to you but yeah.” She said as she quickly skimmed through the book once more. “There's nothing that directly sounds like what you've experienced or have, for that matter. This is probably one of the more older books this library has and nothing modern seems to fit your descriptions either.”
  “I,see..” Damn I thought, there wasn’t a single thing I could take from here to help me. I thought she would be my way of leading to something yet it seems that it was all for nothing. From behind us a voice rang out.
  “Yami..? Fancy seeing you here.”
   I looked over to see whom it belonged to and it was that of a girl similarly aged to us with long blue hair. It would seem Yami was quite startled when she heard her name being called out.
   “Go somewhere else” Yami replied towards her.
    “Now now, is that anyway to treat me? Who’s this?” She directed her attention at me “Say boy isn't there something wrong with your-”
  “Ah! K-Kou why don't you go look for a book about herbs for me over there?” She said hastily.
   I wasn't quite sure what she had planned but regardless I did as she told and went looking through the shelves once more. I could see the two would engage in a conversation, so I was generally interested in what they had to say. I began listening in from behind the shelf.
   “So that boy was with you huh how strange” The girl said as she glanced over into my direction.
    “Be quiet, anyway, do you know anything about abnormal light magic?” Yami asked her.
    “Surprised that you’re asking me of all people. Light magic… Why do you want to know something about that era? Witches have produced much stronger magic than that.” The girl replied however Yami remained silent.
    “Guess you can't say huh? Well, it was said light magic could be extremely versatile in use. I know it was rumored to be used in transportation of objects as well.”
    “Transportation..? Is anything like that even true? It was never really confirmed or denied in the books i’ve researched.” Yami replied
    “Who knows? It would have happened a long time ago. There might be something in the grand library. Getting in there is almost impossible though.”
    “Right.. So then there's nothing here about such matters… What about spells of concoctions that affect the eyes? Not the one those idiots use for looks.”
   “Hmm, now that you mention it there were notes that some people had odd features when using transportation magic. With this they were to determine who had used it. Since its taboo it's usually looked down upon.”
    “What would the punishment be for doing so?” Yami asked with a curious expression.
  “These could all be rumors but, it would probably be the normal standards, death. Remember that long contract we signed at the academy for reporting in any oddities that we may encounter?”
   “I’m well aware.”
   “Regardless, we could be tried for just not giving up such information if we see something strange, quite ridiculous don't you think?”
  “Treason huh..?”
   “Though Yami, who is that boy? It's strange enough for you to be here at the library with your selection you have at home, being with someone else is a bit-”
    “Leave already shoo shoo” Yami waved her off like a dog who wasn’t wanted at the dinner table.
    “Hmph, alright then bye for now, I’ll talk to you soon.” The girl waved at Yami and began to walk away into the other side of the room.
   “You can come out now, I know you’ve been listening in on us.” Yami said as she tilted her head behind her as she sat on the chair.
   “You knew..?”
   “Of course I would, so did you catch all that?”
    “Part of it yes..” I said, but in reality I heard every little word that they had uttered to each other.
   “Then, I think you know what needs to come next. As long as you comply-” Yami slowly stood up from her chair and began to turn to my direction.
   “No way”. I fastened my cloak as quickly as possible and began to go into a sprint.
   “EH..EH?!!” Yami yelled towards my direction.
As I looked back Yami was at the door of the library with shock splattered across her face as I ran off into the distance.
   

2
Video / PC Games / So like is anyone hyped for P3 and P5 dance games?
« on: August 08, 2017, 02:24:25 AM »
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNl9P8FmEp0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0INh3MYkeiI

As you can see from my profile picture I am. My only qualm is, why on earth is it on the vita : ( bring it to the switch or something pls. I don't know how that console is still alive in JP, granted they do have more games on it.

3
Manga Art Gallery / Flames's stuff
« on: August 07, 2017, 10:01:33 PM »
Couldn't really think of a witty name for the post. Regardless, as you may or may not know I consider myself an author solely and have been dipping myself into the realms of art. Please bash on everything as hard as you can and beat sense into my drawings and what not, I'll greatly appreciate it whole hardheartedly.

In any case I have a bunch of random stuff, some manga and some other things. The goal here is to see where I'm at and moving forward.

So for the stuff I guess.

I spent around 30-40 minutes just drawing whatever came into my head. I did not use any references for these at all, so it might seem a bit random of what you might see..All these were purely off of the head so I know some things kinda stick out wrong.

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Then I tend to mess with boxes alot and just dont know when to stop making boxes. I tried to make a carnival type of place atleast halfway through.
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Then I have some character stuff relating to my story. Cant really say im proud of these as even now I know some of the mistakes.
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Sort of a map depicting who's where and what not for the story.
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and a page of a manga I recently felt the urge to just try relating to my story of course.
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Not really proficient yet but trying to work out the kinks. Unfortunately would probably have a hard time with this. As humans aren't that great for me. A 3d model was referenced for the poses and stuff on the two up there. I do plan on working on anatomy as I know the 3d stuff might seem like a crux and i'm well aware of that. Its just for some reason human bodies just doesn't go through my head. I see what I want done in terms of the angle and scene for example, but transferring that onto something blocks me.

Anyway, I'll probably add a lot of stuff everyday from sketches to other things. Please help this writer out :(



 

4
break Room / Anyone here have mariokart 8 and a Switch?
« on: July 22, 2017, 08:29:04 PM »
It would be cool to play with other people in some forum tournaments. Anyone interested in doing something this every now and then? :O

5
So i've read quite a few light novels/manga and such over the years and sometimes I feel people put too much of something that shouldn't really matter- (me included.)

For an example, lets say they wrote about a chair being in the middle of the room. They describe that chair in full length by saying something like.

"Its made of a pure mahogany oak and its shine causes ones own reflection to appear. Its seat being taken by the (protagonist) would make anyone cry in jealousy."

Or just describing something to the point of me wanting to skip keep in mind im not saying its bad, but I feel it takes away from the focus sometimes and things get muddled and confusing. I would sometimes just skip over to see when people are talking because it is far more interesting than their surroundings.

I feel in moderation its okay, but when a large portion of a page consists of this I have to admit its a turn off. If it doesn't set the mood or setting of the current situation of the characters I feel its just clutter. TThough thats what comes with writing vs having something shown.

 My first "novel" suffers from this as I tried to remedy it a bit by getting rid of un-necessary text all throughout and bolding the dialogue between characters. I think I cut it like 5k words from 50k.  I still think its pretty bad in terms of hooking readers which is a hard enough thing. I've been trying different things out tho im struggling to find a right balance that both intrigues the reader and makes him/her continue that 1 more page rather being thrown for a loop.

What about you guys?


6
Develop Your Story / To Hide A Human!
« on: June 22, 2017, 05:08:01 PM »
Thought I would re-write this so here we go!

As the title implies, it involves someone hiding a human.

Kou walking home one night stumbled upon a book thrown about on the floor. Upon picking it up and opening, a bright flash appears which causes his eyes to take some damage and passing out. When he awakes he looks towards the sky and lo and behold he sees something quite strange. Brooms, and what's more people riding on them! Upon realizing such a situation he sits down to recollect his thoughts when a object flies straight down to his head. After retreating it, hes greeted with a girl, Yami claiming that the book was hers. When she sees Kou's eyes she becomes excited. Little to Kou's knowledge his eyes has changed colors dramatically! Yami decides that Kou is infected with an illness and has little time to live. Claiming she is a witch Kou finds himself in a unreal situation!  Kou with all this information pleads the girl to help but will she lend him a hand? What exactly does this world of Witches have to greet Kou with?! What sorts of dangers will arise?


The story starts off semi-light hearted but turns into more of a serious tone. I was surprised that it went this way myself! But, I think it all meshes well with each other! Anyway here it is! Or.. not.. I'm re-writing it in a way that makes more sense due to the advice of a good friend. So for now the link's gone as I forgot to take it down.




7
Manga Art Gallery / Need help on some art things :)
« on: June 14, 2016, 10:31:33 PM »
So, since I found some more free time to do things I decided what I would do what I wanted to for a while now. I want to make character sheets so I can hunker down on some looks. This is my first attempt at drawing my characters/anything concrete (i'm a writer), so bear with me : (.

This is the first result, I don't think i'm too happy about it. My lines are a mess or too bold I think, not sure exactly if that's the problem. Maybe its just me using the wrong tools/not putting enough detail especially in the hair.

P.S I just noticed some of the shading on the middle of the neck that I just saw, I can go back and fix that though. I was hoping someone can give me guidelines so I can fix some of these things.




8
Tips and Tutorials / Need help on storyboards.
« on: May 30, 2016, 08:12:59 PM »
Alright, so when I joined the site, i dont know a few months back now? I posted this and asked for help.
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Then, after getting some help about things, I posted this
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Now after that... I did it again.
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Looking for any more tips someone can give me? I know there is quite a bit of white space, but its snowing so.. yeah I don't know how to show that correctly. I wanted to keep retrying it until I was satisfied. Don't think I've reached there yet. Also, my cars suck okay, I know.

Rip- I posted in the wrong section, I think.

9
Develop Your Story / The Girl Who Never Smiles.
« on: May 13, 2016, 07:22:34 PM »
The ninja edits obby.

In any case, this story is done and revised but you know what they say perfection perfection. I do feel it could be toned down in numbers of words and kinked around some luls of time however that would have to come from drawing this out onto a story board or something. Anyway! Here is the link! Genre: Slice of life/drama

The story is about a boy named Leo who is forced to help someone because of certain conditions that arise, a snow storm. This someone whom he helped turns out to be more than just trouble. Since the storm was so powerful the two spent nearly a day together and were at each others throat, quite literally! After all is said and done Leo thinks hes in the clear but on a certain day everything turns into shambles. As time goes on the situation only escalates, and the two become more and more impacted by their thoughts, actions and descisions. As such everyone has a thing or two in their past that shape the person into what they are. What exactly is it that these two have to hide? What exactly causes them to have such issues arise?

10
So, the novel part of its finished.. its decent in terms of size now, I wont post the whole thing, just a chapter for now I need to address some things.
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Characters:

Problem 1: Some people have told me my characters are inconsistent. Knowing me, since I wrote it I don't see it. I based it off how someone would react to certain situations based on their background. So an example, would be in the story one of my characters is basically "forced" to help someone, but he doesn't normally like associate/ get involved with people due to certain issues in his past. So once said character helps, and the other person retaliates with violence, he would get extremely angry, and bickering and fighting happens. But he ends up having to have the person stay due to things out of his control. He doesn't have many choices so he subsides his anger a bit vice versa with the other person, since she too doesn't have a choice.

Problem 2: I don't like having to read flat out descriptions of characters beforehand. I would rather grow with the character himself with just his name. Knowing this, its how I wrote most of it. I want the characters to grow themselves with their actions and words, rather then them being explained all at once. With this is mind, is this a good approach or might it turn off readers. I could see this happening in a novel format frequently to some, but not to me. I wrote a tiny bit of him but I don't think it suffices enough.
***
Formatting:-I'm bad at this*grammar too* :)-
Since the novel has a lot of words and descriptions,thoughts, etc., there is a lot more content. However once you put it onto a storyboard, how do I make it so that it isn't jammed in with a lot of ideas and or vague. Furthermore, on the organizing side of the novel itself, how can I make it more visibly appealing. I went with bold quotes on spoken or thought words, and only one person is speaking at a time. Also, I didn't add the names before the spoken dialogue, only sometimes afterwards. I'm not too sure the direction I should take it in, it could be many things.

Ideas: So I like to get serious in writing and say things that leave you thinking and pondering about life in general. Now I want this story to be full of these type of morals and issues. Implementing that into the story, how can I make it more eye catching and fall in line. I tend to write a page or a small blurps of serious thought before chapters and things like that. Example.
Spoiler
People will only talk to others when it conveniences them, not on response nor on feelings. Lets say you love a person and talk to him or her to receive a feeling of being loved. Would love then be a convenience to people as well? If you think about it that way it's quite controversial. Suppose someone else could provide the same feelings as one another, would you then consider that love? What if they would leave you for someone who can nurture those feelings better?

Are they friends? What if they didn't talk to you unless they needed to for something in return? You would write to them but they didn't write back. Its rare to find people who just talk for the sake of conversation and nothing more. This world is quite twisted in a way don't you think so?

11
Said I would post some when it was ready, It should be free of grammar mistakes and such, but knowing me there is still probably a few in there. This story is finished, with about 8 chapters, 160 pages. Though, I wanted to see some critique and responses. Its a google docs link. A small synopsis, its a boy named Ryo, who by chance sees a person falling into snow in a storm. He sees this person face down but he generally doesn't want to help or get involved with people. Eventually he caves in and goes to help said person, only to find out its a girl. Said girl, isn't the kindest of souls and attacks him due to her new found position. However, in doing so, she finds herself unable to leave due to the worsening conditions. She stays the night, and Ryo prepares for school  in the coming weeks when he sees a familiar face Reyna, the girl he helped who has very mysterious issues surrounding her as Ryo soon notices. However, something always seems to backfire and that's what the story centers around upon.

Wouldn't say its a comedy first chapter makes it seem so, for the darker parts later. It's more of a drama/action, as there will be fights and blood drawn down the line. If I had to compare it to something, Sakurasou no Pet na Kanojo, much more on a  fighting perspective though. The girl who never smiles


Some of the scenes on boards if anyone wants to see them.

They are not the greatest I know : (
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]

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12
Its a modest 50k words 160 pages and its done in terms of story. I still need to proofread and go over edits and grammar mistakes, and maybe re-write some scenes and dialogue, but its done as a whole and i'm glad. I kind of don't know where to go from here besides fixing some of the errors.Now that its finished, I already have an idea on how to continue but I don't know when I want to do that.

Upon reading, I realized it would look/feel amazing with visuals. Especially some of the fighting and crude (bloody) scenes. The feeling of emotions will be better displayed if it was drawn itll be hard to find someone who would want to co-op with me ,especially unpaid : (. However, I'll continue to improve on my story boarding for the scenes to better enhance what I want done.

In time, I'll post it up once the errors are out probably. Im positive if was onto a drawn format it would be amazing, so ill continue to strive for that.

13
FanFics / Fire Emblem Fates Dialouge and story Re-Write.
« on: March 30, 2016, 05:45:56 PM »
taken down by me-

14
General Discussion / Is this storyboard I made good enough?
« on: March 30, 2016, 05:26:26 PM »
I cant draw too well, especially objects like cars and what not, you'll see what i mean,  blue represents the body, red represents the clothing in this case a fur Jacket   :( not sure if you can follow along but, its a snow storm, the person is walking then collapses face planted into the snow


15
Welcome Center / Heya Im new here
« on: March 29, 2016, 07:37:53 PM »
I like writing and make stories up, I definitely want to create something whether its manga a visual novel or something. I've written some,  I posted in the Artist needed section since I am not that good at drawing.  Nice meeting ya, I think ill leave you with something, I have written the dialogue and changed some story elements from Fire Emblem Fates to make characters have life to them and adressing some weak points, far from finished but alot to read,A new spin on characters, its just dialogue, it didn't get much attention on the reddit page, but hey maybe someone here will like it 

Deleted the link due to not having enough posts sorry.
 

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