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Messages - OhGodHelpMe

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1
I'd like to rededicate this thread to me mostly just posting first drafts of content, with light promotion here and there.

For that purpose, I made a Facebook page for DbEG/SWS where you can stay up to date on everything as I progress through my work! I'll be posting discussion topics, deals on the books, updates on work, all sorts of stuff.  :dance: Give it a follow if you're on Facebook. I plan to post there pretty regularly about the two series'



2
break Room / Re: Raider. What Halloween Monster Are You?
« on: October 18, 2018, 02:57:57 PM »
The fearsome, dreaded "Bed wraith that won't participate in Spookyween because he just wants peace and quiet". Behold as I fluff my pillow and proceed to nap through the night.

3
Wow, okay. 74 orders today alone, 150+ total in the past 3 days.  :dance: #7 in War & Military Action Fiction, #10 in Fantasy Adventure Fiction (though I wouldn't really call it fantasy. Whatever, Amazon.)

There's still a few hours left if you haven't gotten it free already. Happy reading, everyone.

4
MR Pub / Re: Chit Chat 2018
« on: October 17, 2018, 05:04:09 PM »
Never again shall I underestimate the power of the 7b9 chord

5
Alright, today's the last day Book of Blossoming will be free! Get it while you still can. Thanks to everyone checking it out! Nearly 100 downloads in just the past three days  :ohmy:

6
Develop Your Story / Re: Death By Ex-Girlfriend (COMPLETED)
« on: October 16, 2018, 02:58:36 PM »
EXCERPT OF THE DAY

Senkumo War Stories gets really dark. And I mean really dark. But the Senkumo clan wasn't always such a nightmare to be with. In the beginning, the atmosphere among the Senkumo was bright and triumphant. For instance, the day when the whole army surprised Gekko for her birthday  :clapping:

Source: Book of Blossoming

Happy Birthday To You!
Spoiler
It was early in the morning on May 31st, when the troops made it home, the sun just beginning to rise above the misty hills in the far distance. Everyone took a collective sigh of relief when they reached the main gates of the mansion, knowing they’d be able to rest soon and take some much needed, warm baths. Taeko stepped down from her horse, waving her sheathed blade in the air in view of the tower guards. ?      

“Hey! We’re all here! Open the gates!” Taeko shouted. ?      

“Lord Tsukiakari is back! Open the gates!” the tower guard relayed to his comrades.?    

Everyone could hear the chain of calls and responses beyond the walls until the wooden gates were pulled open by two armed guards. On top of her horse and wearing the black hood of her wooly cloak, Tsukiakari led the walk inside. Judging by its excited neighs and constant wagging of its tail against its snow-white skin, it seemed even her horse was glad to be back. ?      

“Welcome home, everyone!” Tsukiakari cheered. “I want each and every one of you to get some rest and a warm meal! You’ve earned it!” ?    

Her troops responded with thunderous cheers as they followed her inside the mansion, but their cheers died down into silence as they all filled in through the gates. Everyone came to a complete standstill as they were greeted by a wall of armored Senkumo soldiers blocking their way, each of them tightly holding spears against the ground with their polished, gleaming blades pointed skyward. ?      

“What the hell is going on?” Taeko questioned with worry. ?    

Tsukiakari dismounted her horse with her hand wrapped firmly around her sheathed blade, her sandals crunching in the dirt and tiny rocks of the field grounds. She was utterly confused as to why her own troops formed an armored wall against her. Mutiny? An internal coup? A protest of sorts? ?    

But to her surprise, the spearmen before her all knelt on one knee in perfect, rehearsed synchrony. All of them removed their helmets, revealing their smiling faces just before they took a large, collective breath. Together, the men and women shouted so that all of Earth and Heaven could hear them. ?      

“Happy birthday, Tsukiakari!”?    

No words could describe the flustered, tomato-colored shock on Tsukiakari’s face as she was suddenly bombarded by cheers and hugs from her female recruits, and raised-weapon salutes from the males. Mayumi and Ebina, sharing a horse together, both erupted into tear-inducing laughter. The Otonougi twins, wearing the biggest smiles on their faces, playfully roughed up Tsukiakari’s hair with their fingertips, encouraging her to step forward. Laughter, being as contagious as it was, spread all around the base.?    With her beautiful brown hair let down and her glittering hazel eyes fixated on her lord, Ayadachi stepped through the cheering crowd with a large wooden tray in her hands, bearing an assortment of manju and daifuku made especially for Tsukiakari. She too knelt on one knee, her hair swaying over one of her eyes in the breeze. ?      

“Happy Birthday, Gekko! From the Senkumo clan to you!” Ayadachi proudly proclaimed. ?      
“Wait a minute, who told you about my birthday?! Who sold me out?!” ?      

“Guilty!” Taeko admitted with a raised hand. “I know you don’t like surprises, but I just had to! I told the men your birthday was coming up before we arrived in Kaga. Kept them motivated to stay alive!” ?      

“Go ahead and try them, Gekko!” Mayumi encouraged. ?    

Everyone, especially the younger, prepubescent girls in the crowd, watched with laser-focus, some of them riding on the shoulders of the taller males to get a good view. ?      

“T-thank you very much, everybody.” the war goddess stuttered. ?
     
She took one of the manju presented, taking that first, soft, sweet bite into it. Tsukiakari hadn’t had manju in so long. She almost forgot what it tasted like. But that particular batch...it was made with love.?

“Question.” Tsukiakari said with her mouth full. ? 
 
“Y-yes, my lord?” Ayadachi asked nervously. ?

Expecting harsh critique of the manju, everyone’s hearts laid in deep suspense, the blood flowing through their chest feeling like it had gone as cold as ice. Just how was their lord going to react to this? ?   

At last, Tsukiakari spoke. “Would you think ill of me if I ate all of these in one night?” ?

Proving to be much more lighthearted than anyone thought, Tsukiakari got a collective chuckle from her cheering troops, smiling at Ayadachi for all of her efforts. ?   

“Not at all! Eat away! And again, happy birthday!” ?   

“Save some for me, you glutton!” Taeko demanded. ?

“I would like some too. Manju was not a very common sight back home.” Ebina briefly explained. ? 

"I call first serve on the daifuku!” Mayumi declared.?      

“There’s no need!” Ayadachi assured. “I made enough for everyone! Stop being so competitive!” 

While the base erupted in celebration, Tsukiakari waved towards Chiya and Yachi, signaling them to approach. They did so and leaned in so she could speak into their ears.

“I need you two to get Ebina into the medical ward. She has an injury that needs to be looked at. Summon Bishamon after that, please.”

The twins nodded. They immediately pulled Ebina away from the crowd, carrying her towards the medical ward. Exhausted from the battle and needing the rest anyway, Ebina went with them without incident.

     


Time is running out, folks!




Get it? He's running. It's cute.

BUT ANYWAY TIME IS RUNNING OUT

Please be sure to grab yourself a Free Kindle copy of Senkumo War Stories before its back to $2.99. Save that cash for a Twix bar or something! Remember to click the "Buy Now For Free" button and not Read for Free. The latter is a Kindle Unlimited thing, which you have to pay for. The former is literally a $0.00 purchase.

Weird how that's set up, innit? It's almost as if Amazon is deliberately misleading you...lying to you with those big ol' buttons...purposefully confusing you...discombobulating your brain cells... *X-Files theme plays*

There's only...what, one or two days left? Get it now! You can die at any moment!

7
Music / Re: OGHM's Wacky Slappy Guitar Riffs
« on: October 16, 2018, 04:25:48 AM »
DOCTOR

JEEEESSSUUUUSSSSSS

My final attempt to get this right lol

 http://chirb.it/yPsma2

8
Develop Your Story / Re: Death By Ex-Girlfriend (COMPLETED)
« on: October 14, 2018, 06:50:05 PM »
Don't forget to snag yourself a FREE kindle version of Senkumo War Stories: Book of Blossoming! I can only keep it free until the 18th, and I won't be able to do it again for 90 days after that. Of course, the original is cheap anyway, but who doesn't love free stuff?  :clapping:

EXCERPT OF THE DAY
From: Book of Betrayal Part 1

The human mind processes grief in fascinating ways. Some people can handle grief very well, but it's a different story for others. You may find your solace at the bottom of a bottle, or your mind may take you into the peaceful abyss of amnesia. For Inori Senkumo, her mind preferred to dissociate from her loss, and to dissociate from Inori Senkumo entirely. Upon realizing that Ayadachi Senkumo died in battle despite her best attempts to protect her, Inori began to believe that she was actually her lord and commander, Tsukiakari. Her memories scatter and rearrange themselves to accommodate this, burying the pain of losing Ayadachi all the while. But that pain comes out, unravelling like a ball of thread.

Just how much of this was real? How much of it was Inori's own consciousness trying to get her to accept what she lost?

A patient's diagnosis
Spoiler
The dying light of sunset crept through the medical ward's windows, streaking across her face. The medical ward had quieted down and became less frantic. The resulting quietude left Tsukiakari room to lose herself in a cloud of vague, draining thoughts. She sat there on the same seat she'd been at the whole day, as still a corpse.

Taeko emerged from her office and marched down the halls. Seeing Tsukiakari in the entrance hall, she stopped and sat down with her. The two remained silent for quite a while.

"I've assigned some of the nurses on counseling positions. At least one of our patients is going to need psychological assistance. She's going through some...odd symptoms." Taeko explained.

"What do you mean?"

"Her surviving teammates informed the nurse that her recollection of events during the battle are inconsistent. She either remembers things that didn't happen as if they did, or she doesn't remember things that actually did occur. She's also shown very few signs of emotional distress or grief."

Tsukiakari turned her head towards Taeko. "After everything she went through?"

"Yeah. Apparently, the teammates brought up the names of some of the deceased during their conversation. But...the patient recalls them as being alive. She insists they survived the battle, despite what everyone else is telling her. The nurses ultimately decided not to press the issue too much. The situation was too stressful for her teammates. They left her mementos from their late comrades in hopes they would jog her memory, but no luck yet."

"Do we know what's happening to her? Is she just in denial?"

"No, I don't think so. The doctors are certain she's not faking it or putting on an act. There's no signs she suffered any serious head injuries either. She's genuinely separated herself from her own experience. We're not entirely sure what to make of it yet. Her memories are all fragmented and altered, as if she's trying to protect herself from what she really went through."

Tsukiakari held her forehead in her hand. "Do we have any cases similar to this?"

"Nothing yet, but I'm certain plenty of the troops will need some sort of counseling, especially the younger ones. I'll have all the reports ready within a few days."

"Thank you, Taeko.”
Taeko got up from her seat, standing with her hands on her hip.

"Listen, Gekko..." she said, unable to look Tsukiakari in the eyes. "It's not your fault, okay?"

"I wished I believed that." Tsukiakari sighed.
Taeko turned around, patting Tsukiakari on the shoulder. "I'll be in our room. Don't stay here too long."
Taeko walked off, leaving Tsukiakari alone once more. For a moment, she almost wished she could switch places with the patient Taeko described. How nice it would've been, to be relieved of the burden of memory, to not have to confront or accept those horrors. It wasn't so easy for Tsukiakari to forget. There was nothing to protect her from her own experience, her own guilt.

And here's some Death by Ex-Girlfriend trivia for you

Where did Yoko get her "All-Knowing Kiss" From?
Spoiler
It's in the family! In the 6th arc, Letting Go, Yoko's mother, Manami, reveals that every female member of the Akiyama family has had an All-Knowing Kiss for centuries. This kiss originated in the family during the Warring States era, when many members of the Akiyama lost their children in war. Trapped in their grief, these women became Mu-Onna (Women of Naught), a type of Japanese ghost/spirit. Mu-Onna were said to be able to absorb information from they protected. The Kiss is a sort of mutation of that power that's been carried down the Akiyama family.

What is Izanami's more infamous nickname?
Spoiler
Izanami the Cruel

Izanami is one of the most gentle and loving characters in the entire story. It may or may not shock you that she has a very dark, very gruesome past. She earned the nickname Izanami the Cruel after an event known among the gods as The Affair of the Rat

Kagutsuchi, Izanami's daughter, was sealed inside of the sun after she killed her mother in childbirth. Centuries later, this seal wore off. She fell like a star and crashed down into Earth, landing in Western Europe in the 12th century, during the height of the Inquisition. Simply trying to find her way home, Kagu went around explaining that she was a goddess, which garnered the ire of the Inquisition. She was extradited to Rome, where she was burned at the stake for her crime, only for everyone to find out that she couldn't die.

Unable to kill Kagu, the Papacy de-constructed her body, leaving only her fiery spirit to wander around Earth. Kagu eventually found her way back to Japan in this form, during the Warring States era. Izanami and Amaterasu had been trying to negotiate Kagu's safe return home, but her execution greatly angered the two. After their final negotiations broke down, Izanami was gifted with a flea-ridden rat from the Papacy, a parting insult to the pale goddess. Exacting her revenge, Izanami cursed the flea-ridden rat and let it wander off.

The curse turned out to be bubonic plague, and that rat would go on to initiate a chain of infections that culminated in the Black Death. Thus, Izanami earned the nickname, Izanami the Cruel, for the unmatched evil she inflicted upon the human race.

Who Gave Osamu his Peace Sign and Male Symbol Necklaces?
Spoiler
Izanami did! Osamu tells the tale of his past to Hima Chinagaregawa in the 8th arc, The Corpse's Romance. He recalled a night he spent with Izanami, when the pale, shy goddess gifted him two necklaces befitting of someone living in the 60's. Amused by her out-of-touchness, Osamu gladly took the necklaces and wore them interchangeably throughout most of Death by Ex-Girlfriend, even on his dying day.

9
Develop Your Story / Re: Death By Ex-Girlfriend (COMPLETED)
« on: October 13, 2018, 03:18:00 PM »
Hey!


Hey!


HEY!





You can grab the Kindle version of Book of Blossoming for free!

But I can only do it for a few days at a time  :unsure: So, be sure to grab it before the 18th! Please enjoy  :clapping:

10
Develop Your Story / Re: Death By Ex-Girlfriend (COMPLETED)
« on: October 07, 2018, 04:46:57 AM »
EXCERPT OF THE DAY

From: Book of Betrayal

This excerpt is from an improved version of the first draft's "Samsara" chapter. A preamble to the battle featured there is established here. Yoshihisa and Tomiko Ashikaga have found out that Tsukiakari was the one who helped the Ikko-ikki overthrow their friend, Masachika, in Kaga. Tsukiakari initially gathered her army in preparation for an Ashikaga attack in response to the village massacre, not realizing that they were mad about Masachika and didn't even know about the village yet.

The two sides find themselves sallying their armies out. Hoping to establish a dialogue with the obstinate Yoshihisa and Tomiko, Tsukiakari agrees to talk with them before the battle starts.

Communication Breakdown
Spoiler
Tsukiakari grabbed her men and raced south, towards the fluttering Ashikaga banner in the distance. Sure enough, Yoshihisa sat on top of his horse with Tomiko at his side, and his five men standing a safe distance behind him. Fully dressed in plates of iron armor, Yoshihisa dismounted his horse, standing in the middle of a field of swaying spearmint. Tomiko stood at his side, her body wrapped in a kimono as black as the vacuum of space. Tsukiakari stopped a short distance from them, dismounting with Mayumi. The Senkumo approached the Ashikaga, each of them resting their hands on the swords at their hips, as if all four of them were ready to cut each other down at any moment. The air between the four was serrated and tense, as if a showdown was taking place.
   
Yoshihisa removed his helmet, glancing at Tsukiakari with fury in his eyes. “And here I thought you could have allies in war. I’ve learned my lesson, Tsukiakari Senkumo. Every man is on his own in war.”
   
Tomiko stepped forth, spitting fire at the war goddess. “We know what you and your army of pretenders did in Kaga. Masachika explained everything in his final letter. He ciphered his writing, so that not even you could see what he was truly saying. You were outplayed. Serves you right.”
   
“Tomiko, Yoshihisa, I implore you both to see reason.” Tsukiakari warned, dressing it as a plea. “You are about to go to battle against a war goddess. No matter how angry you must be, no matter how vengeful you are, you have no hope of winning. We can still stop this and talk.”
   
“Talking is out of the question.” Tomiko declared. “You have two choices before you, Tsukiakari. You and your men can face our army in battle. Even if we’re fated to lose, we will make sure we kill as many of you as possible. Your other choice is surrender, in which case, we will only kill some of you.”
   
“This is insane, Tomiko!” Mayumi interjected. “The Senkumo clan had no knowledge of your relationship with Masachika! If we had known, we never would’ve taken the Ikko-ikki’s side!”
   
“The fact that you would aid the Ikko-ikki under any circumstance is reason enough to kill you regardless!” Yoshihisa hissed. “My father was under the impression that you had respect for the order that lords bring to unruly populations when you helped him end the Onin War. He believed the poison you poured into his ear. And now, everywhere you go in this country, war casts its crimson shadow. We all have you to thank for that.”
   
“This is your final offer.” Tomiko declared. “Surrender now and you will save the lives of most of your men. Do that, and we’ll consider your blood debt to be paid in full.”
   
Tsukiakari’s brows arched downwards as she grit her teeth. “You’re both making a big mistake. I sincerely apologize for killing your friend. I truly do. But if you insist on throwing your army at mine, I will do everything in my power to destroy you.”
   
Yoshihisa spit into the spearmint shrubs at his feet with a growl. “So be it. You and your clan of degenerates will rue the day you crossed the Ashikaga. One hundred twenty-thousand men await my command to crush you. Not even you can possibly kill them all before we kill you.”

Yoshihisa put his helmet back on and climbed back onto his saddle. Tomiko mounted her horse as well, both of them glaring daggers and arrows at Tsukiakari and Mayumi.

“Tomiko, Yoshihisa, you are going to regret this! Please, think about what you’re doing!” Mayumi begged.

“What a shame, for such a beautiful woman such as yourself to pledge your life to this warmongering mass-murderer.” Tomiko scorned. “Remember this day, girl. Remember the day your beloved god signed the death warrants of you and everyone you love. Being with her will bring you nothing but misery, nothing but darkness and rage. I would know.”

The Ashikaga spurred their horses and rode off to the south. It seemed a bitter, vitriolic battle was unavoidable now. If it was true that Yoshihisa managed to amass an army of one hundred twenty-thousand soldiers, it would mean that the Senkumo was outnumbered ten-to-one in an open-field battle. No elevated positions for their archers, no thick treelines for ambushers, no valleys to narrow their opponent’s forces, no cover for maneuvering and flanking. It would be a true battle of torn sinew and fragmented bones, where the side capable of the most violence and brutality would come out as the victor.

11
Manga Creations / Re: Anzu: A Friend From the Grave
« on: October 07, 2018, 03:52:02 AM »
Holy hell, I just thought about this. But since I'm publishing stuff now, I was wondering if any of you would be interested in Anzu: A Friend From the Grave being published at some point. I've always meant to go through it and give it a nice rewrite, fix up some dialogue (Anzu's mouth may have been tooooooo dirty?), and I figured if I'm gonna do that at some point, may as well publish that too. Do let me know if that's something you'd like to see.

It's very crude, but also very genuine and sad at times. I really enjoyed writing this piece.

12
Music / Re: OGHM's Wacky Slappy Guitar Riffs
« on: October 06, 2018, 10:07:10 PM »
Brushing off the ol' Nipponese

Circus Night
http://chirb.it/zM4JsH

13
Music / Re: OGHM's Wacky Slappy Guitar Riffs
« on: October 05, 2018, 07:40:17 AM »
A meaningless Jam

Triumphatus Sad
http://chirb.it/sOhbnA

14
Develop Your Story / Re: Death By Ex-Girlfriend (COMPLETED)
« on: October 03, 2018, 09:26:20 PM »
I sure am  :thumbsup: Thank you very much

15
MR Pub / Re: Chit Chat 2018
« on: October 03, 2018, 01:51:15 AM »
Hey Amazon, can you deliver these books to me? I want a copy for myself and one to send over to my best friend.
"Well, sure thing! We'll deliver it tomorrow!"
Thanks, Amazon!
*Tomorrow comes. They ignored my instructions to get inside the building*
Hey Amazon, I didn't receive the package. Can we reschedule?
"Well, sure thing! We'll deliver it tomorrow!"
Thanks Amazon!
*Tomorrow comes, I wait all day in anticipation. For some reason, they just didn't even deliver it this time. No attempt Whatsoever.*
Hey Amazon, you didn't even send the package out. Can we, uhh...you know...actually get it delivered?
"Well sure thing! We'll deliver it tomorrow!"
Thanks Amazon!
*Tomorrow is today, never shows up. Get a notification that the package was lost and no one knows where the f*ck it is, and basically, f*ck you.*

God help your miserable, slut soul if you can't do something as simple as "Take item from Point A to Point B" without completely screwing it up. I wish you actual harm and possible death if you seriously cannot complete such a stupidly easy task. I get it, you've got other deliveries and you need to get them all shipped in a day. You're constantly in a rush. But there's no reason to ignore my instructions on how to get in. Even if you didn't understand, the number to let the leasing office buzz you in is written IN BIG, BLACK, HARD TO MISS LETTERS RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE CALL BOX. YOU JUST DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO READ IT! There's no reason to tell me you're going to deliver it and then proceed to not deliver it. Now it's lost. Gone. Gotta go through this absolute kabuki theater of bullsh*t again just for some F*CKING PAPERBACKS  >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(

Sorry. All of this anger hit me at once like a damned bukkake. Actually, no, piss off. I'm not sorry at all. Stop being crap at the things you're supposed to do.

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