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Messages - Coldmiser8675

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 10
Hello there, fellow Raiders. It's been a long time, and part of that reason is that I've been in school, doing work, and cooperating with someone on creating a comic series. We've originally decided to self publish, but it wouldn't hurt to submit to some publishers--why not, right? Besides, I think all the work would help me personally get better direction for where I want my story to go. So, I've been looking at, say, Image comics, and they want a one page synopsis of the overall story, not just the first issue or first arc. Everything. Have any writers here ever created a one page synopsis like this? And if so, could you give me some pointers on how you managed to condense such a huge amount of plot and story and spoilers on one flippin page?

Your help would be very appreciated.

FanFics / Dry Bones--A Dr. Mario Drama
« on: August 17, 2017, 08:18:36 PM »
Dry Bones--A Dr. Mario Crime Drama

People are getting sick in the Mushroom Kingdom, and somebody’s behind it.

 Doctor Mario and his team begin their investigation when their dear friend Donkey Kong hits it bad with the flu. After discovering the virus was synthetically made, suspicion arises and beginning analysis leads to a common enemy. But terror, romance, and betrayals lay in a complex and merciless path before them, and in order to solve this problem, Doctor Mario must stay mentally and physically strong.

Because what he must face is even beyond his own doctoral occupation.

(P.S, I saw the voice actor of Mario at comic con)

Chapter 1: Let's a go!

Red lights flashed all around inside the ER of Mushroom Kingdom Hospital. Doctor Mario Mario, professional surgeon, physician, anthropologist, and everything else that could identify a person as a Doctor, pushed the double doors open and walked down the hallway. He followed the stretcher wheeling down to the closest available room ready for treatment.

The Doctor pulled on a white thin glove over his burly hand. The short, stocky mustached Italian was dressed in a white coat over shirt and tie, and blue overalls; a stethoscope was draped around his neck, and a head mirror strapped around his big forehead full of knowledge.

Doctor Luigi Mario, Doctor Mario’s younger brother, was in step beside him, head down in a clipboard; Following the two brothers, came a bunch of frightened, worried toads, carrying microphones and recorders. Some had cameras.

“Doctor Luigi,” Said Doctor Mario. “You’a called security to dispose of these reporters, right?”

Doctor Luigi hadn’t seemed to have heard. His eyes were scrutinizing the words on the clipboard. He was mouthing the words as he read.

Mario slapped him across the face.

Luigi’s eyes widened. He cranked his head towards him. “Yow Mario! That’a hurt!”

“I’a told you to call security!”

Luigi shifted his eyes towards the pressing reporters. Their tiny voices flooded the air:

“Is he dead, Doctor Mario?”

“What is your theory diagnosis?”

“Any thoughts on the background check, Doctor Luigi?”

“Peanut butter?”

The last question didn’t make any sense. A lakitu hovered over them all, a video camera hanging from a fishing pole. Mario turned sharply and addressed far off into the crowd. “Hey’a! Can I have’a security over here? Get rid of’a this crowd!”

The doors behind them opened and big, fat purple yoshis stepped through. The dinosaurs opened their large, toothless mouths and whipped out their tongues like red lassos.

The crowd of toads cried out as the tongues wrapped around them and pulled them all back out the door. Even the lakitu wasn’t spared.

The hallway was silent. It was just the two brothers and the flashing lights.

“Are they’a going to get eaten?” Doctor Luigi asked about the reporters.

“There’s a no time for such curiosities.” Mario noticed the stretcher had already entered into the surgery room.

Doctor Mario hurried on, Luigi following at his heels. They stepped through the door and into the small surgical room, with the patient already planted on the bed, the stretcher taken out and folded in the corner. The nurse was standing beside the patient, so beautiful in her slim pink nurse scrubs that cut to the bottom of  pale thighs, her blonde hair was prepped up behind her, and wide, blue eyes, which appeared in such panic looked over at him.

“Doctor,” She said. “What took you so long? We’re losing the patient!”

Mario and Luigi rushed over. Mario loomed over the character lying on the bed.

“Hmm,” he said. “This looks serious.”

Donkey Kong barely fit on the bed. His burly arms dangled off the edges, too big for the thin blanket over him. Even his smaller feet dangled over the end. The Kong was breathing heavily, his eyes bulging and cracked red, his mouth foaming.

“ARRREH, ARREH!” The patient cried out. Suddenly he began flailing his arms.

“Doctor Luigi! Hold’a him down!”

“Yes’a, Doctor Mario!” Luigi grabbed at Donkey Kong’s shoulders, then pushed him down with all his might.

Donkey Kong met this by trying to thrash about. Doctor Luigi, in no way as strong or stronger, was immediately having trouble. He was nearly being thrown over just trying to pin him down.

“Hurry, Mario!” he said. “I’a can’t hold him for long!”

“I’m’a aware of that,” Doctor Mario said. He turned to his blonde personal assistant. “Nurse Toadstool,” he said.


“Give me a red and blue pill. Red on the top, blue on the bottom.”

Nurse Toadstool nodded. She turned, and bent over the table, picking around inside the bag full of pills. Doctor Mario caught a glimpse of her magnificent buttocks outlined in her slim scrubs. But he turned away, ashamed, red in the face. No, he thought. I must not think such thoughts! We are professional acquaintances, and nothing more!

Meanwhile Donkey Kong was dry heaving, thrashing his body about. Doctor Luigi was lifted up in the air for a moment, before luckily the gorrilla settled down enough for Luigi to land on his feet.

Nurse Toadstool brought out the right pill; the thing was bigger than her hand. Mario snatched it quickly. “Doctor Luigi, open his mouth!”

Doctor Luigi pried the gorrilla’s mouth open. In a quick, violent motion, Doctor Mario shoved the pill down Donkey Kong’s throat.

Donkey Kong went still.

“Nurse Toadstool,” Mario said. “Bring the x-ray!”

Nurse Toadstool brought over this square contraption attached to a metal pulley that reached all the way to the opposite end of the room. She pulled the screen over Donkey Kong’s body. In a flash the square screen glowed to life. Small, squirming images were found within the outline of the stomach.

Mario took a closer look. With a solemn frown, he said. “I don’t’a believe this.” he said.

Nurse Toadstool and Doctor Luigi peered at the screen with him.

“What is it, Doctor Mario?” Nurse Toadstool asked. “What are those?”

The screen zoomed in on the bouncing yellow viruses, their faces stretched into a smile of sinister delight. They slammed against the sides of the inside of Donkey Kong’s stomach, and immediately The gorrilla met this with an unconscious spasm, but that quickly subsided.

Mario looked over to the patient and sighed with relief.

“Good. The sleeping pill has taken effect.

“Mario!” Doctor Luigi said, pointing at the screen. “Look!”

One yellow virus looked strained, its expression pained. And then, to the team’s terror, the virus duplicated itself.
“That’s a not good,” Doctor Mario said.

He turned around, towards Luigi. “Doctor Luigi. Make sure to supply the other nurses with those pills. This cannot be treatable right now.”

Doctor Luigi and Nurse Toadstool looked at each other. Fearful.

“Why’a not, Mario?” He asked.

“Because he was’a poisoned by a synthetic virus.”

“What do’a we do?”

Doctor Mario looked at each of them in turn. “We must do some background checking with the data you recorded, Doctor Luigi. We must find’a where Donkey Kong had been, and find out who’a could’ve given him the virus! They must know the antidote!”

Doctor Mario squinted his eyes at the screen, scanning the view of the viruses dancing and snickering about.

He ordered the screen to zoom in on one virus. Closer, closer.

He began to sweat. He was seeing something.


Finally, after getting ten times closer on the scope. He found something tiny on the forehead of each virus.

It was the letter, “W.”

--- --- ---

The night was done. Donkey Kong was asleep in the ER, Nurse Toadette assigned to take regular checkups on his condition. Dr. Mario and his brother Doctor Luigi were walking down the hallway towards the elevator that would bring them to the base floor.

“So Wario is’a behind this,” Dr. Mario growled. “Why would’a he do such a thing?”

Dr. Luigi was skimming through his clip board. “It’a says here that Donkey Kong had been taken in by the Emergency Toads at’a around sunset, at his tree house in Jungle Japes.”

“That is’a pointless,” Doctor Mario spat. “Wario is’a the culprit. We shall’a make him spill the antidote so that I’a may cure Donkey Kong! We will go investigate first thing tomorrow!”

The elevator made a light ding sound, and the doors whispered open. The brothers walked side by side. Meanwhile a nurse sat behind the great white counter, dressed in a white and cyan colored nurse’s scrubs. She regarded them and smiled sweetly. She had white-blonde hair and a gorgeous pale face.

“Goodnight, Doctor Mario. Goodnight Doctor Luigi.”

The brothers smiled and nodded to her, then took their leave out through the main glass doors. The night sky glittered with numerous stars watching over the Mushroom Kingdom.

“That’a Nurse Rosalina,” Doctor Luigi nodded back towards the entrance. He whistled. “She is sure’a something! I’d’a like to take her out sometime!”

Mario blew air out of his mouth in mock gesture. “I’a thought you were after’a Nurse Daisy?”

“I..uh…” Luigi reddened. “ It’s a not working out.” he looked away, and said nothing more.

As they walked along the path, towards home, a sweet, familiar voice called out.

“Doctor Mario,” She called.

Doctor Mario turned back to see Nurse Toadstool striding towards them. Luigi nudged at his arm and left him, alone. Alone with Nurse Toadstool.

Doctor Mario cleared his throat. “Miss Toadstool….err, uh I mean Princess. How’a may I help you?”

Nurse Toadstool smiled at him. The twinkling light from all the stars made her beautiful complexion beam.

“How about walking me home?” She said.

Doctor Mario nodded. “As’a...as you wish.”

They walked along the path. Instead of taking the left path towards Mario’s home, they headed straight, towards Nurse Toadstool’s castle. The glittering stars gave the grassy domed hills around them a bluish green tinge, and it artistically looked perfect with the pleasant coolness of the night.

But despite the cool, Doctor Mario felt heat rising in his face. It was indeed a gorgeous night, a night for couples or just plain lovers to enjoy each other's embrace. He was a teenager once, long ago. The memory of nights like this back in his school days, came back to him. Especially during this moment. He glanced over at Nurse Toadstool, while holding in his breath.

“You know, Doctor,” She said, looking straight out at the path ahead. “I’ve never been one to break rules before. Never.”

Doctor Mario raised a brow. “Oh?”

She looked over at him, and nodded. “A princess seldom breaks the rules.”

“What rules would those be?” Mario said dumbly.

The great castle appeared before them, though still a great walk away. It’s shaded red spires in the night still showed magnificence and enchantment to the castle.

“Well...Mario,” Nurse Toadstool said. “If it’s not any trouble, would you like to stay for a while in the castle? I know we’ll be breaking the rules of curfew, but I could make you something.”

Mario’s face turned red as a cherry. His eyes darted away. He thought he heard steam blow out from his ears. They had been through a lot together, him and Princess Peach-- Nurse Toadstool, he should say. The princess Peach was a dutiful ruler, while nurse toadstool  was a part time nurse, wanting to do her best at helping her own citizens other than just sitting around in a throne room all day.

“Well, a Princess...I’a...I’a can’t. I need to look over some paperwork regarding Donkey Kong’s condition. Wario’s behind it, and I need to…”

Princess Peach undid her braid, letting her blonde hair spill down her shoulders, starlight- tinted yellow silk.

“I understand,” she said, sighing.

Mario’s primal desires were banging at him from the inside, begging to be released. He wanted to kiss her then. He wanted to go to her castle and eat her snacks and do more kissing. He wanted to express how he felt towards her, after so many experiences and drama they both been through. That was why she was his personal assistant; not just because she was also the princess, but because of how much they’ve been through as a team. Because of how much they’ve been through together.

But alas. Donkey Kong’s life was on the line, and so would their focus on their occupation. He couldn’t afford to have this now, and neither could she.

Toads riding on green yoshi’s caught up to them on the hill just high above the castle. They each carried spears and red homing shells in their hands. A red yoshi, bare-backed of a rider, was in between them.

“Welcome back, Princess.” One of them said.

The princess nodded to them kindly. She turned, and embraced Mario for one short sweet moment. “Good night, Mario,” she said.

She released him and with the two toads’ escort, she mounted the red yoshi and the three of them rode down towards the castle.

They were barely small dots in the night when Mario decided to turn around. He was still dressed in his white doctor’s coat, so he put his hands in the pockets. He cast his head down, and on the long and dark way back home he tried his best to shake away the feelings.

--- --- ---

Discussions / Re: "Pieces" Completed Story
« on: August 10, 2017, 08:29:53 PM »
Thanks Lego! Encouraging as always!  ;D Yeah looking at it now it upsets me that there's a spoiler right at the bottom, it kind of takes the interest away from the story. I'll have to write a warning on my original post.

FanFics / Re: Shrek/Stay(The)Night Part 6
« on: August 10, 2017, 08:09:06 PM »
Part 6  :dance:


“Where did they go?” Shirou asked Saber as they began walking the dark streets at night. His shoulder was still throbbing like crazy, but that didn’t matter. He had to find where Archer took Tohsaka Rin. He needed an ally in this craziness.

Saber’s radiantly handsome face, dimmed with darkness, looked ahead, down the long road that stretched before them. They had both just trekked back from Rin’s house, which, according to Saber, was vacant because of a lack of a mana force field. If Tohsaka was indeed in that house, the servant Saber told him, then she would have barricaded herself, or perhaps Archer would have been detected or sensed scoping outside.

Shirou also had to keep Saber from trying to concern herself with his arm. He was fine, but his servant would have none of it. She kept willing herself to use her mana, her own energy, to help him. Shirou didn’t want her to exert herself, and had said no.

So they walked silently onward.

“The berserker servant is strong,” Saber said in a low voice as they walked through the night. “ And after he had helped the Master Rin back there, it may seem that his intentions differ vastly from his master’s,”

Shirou looked over at her and said, “The girl with the white hair? What are you thinking Saber?”

Saber closed her crystal colored eyes. “You may not like it, Emiya Shirou, but I suggest we go after those two. They’re just as we are--not being able to agree on anything.”

Shirou’s eyes narrowed. “Saber, I’ll try my best to have us work together, but this whole battle, this war, is just too confusing to me.”

Suddenly, Saber’s eyes opened wide. “Shirou,” she said.


“I have an idea for where Tohsaka Rin and Archer may have gone to. The church.”

“The church?”

“Yes, the church is the safe haven from the Grail War. The Priest in there could help those wounded. Not to mention, he could give you all the answers you need about the Grail War.”

Shirou took this into thought: He had never really been to church, but the memory of seeing the gothic-looking building there near where he lived popped into his mind vaguely. He was distressed to figure out that he had no idea how to get there, until he realized that Saber may just know where it is from here; after all, she was the one who suggested going.

“Alright,” he said to her. “We’ll head over there! Do you know the way? Because I...uh...I don’t really know…”

Saber’s face remained neutral. “I do. It brings me bad memories, but it is worth it if it helps my master. I’ll lead the way.”

“Wait, Saber.”

She stopped, and turned. “What is it, Emiya Shirou?”

“I just want you to know, I really appreciate all your help and understanding of me.” He clenched his fist and smiled coolly at her. “And I’m going to do my best to find out all about this Grail War, and do something about it!”

Something that could have been a cool smile showed on the servant's lips, and with a nod she turned and lead the way, towards the church.

--- --- ---

Shrek had carried his sleeping master through the woods for about an hour, already lost. His mana, or whatever it was called, felt like it was half drained, and that meant he had only about a bit of energy for one fight if the time called for it. So he couldn’t use his ogre-powering flying ability to send them both back to the castle, because he would simply fall halfway there to their doom.

He turned his bruised, ogre head down at the little girl cradled in his bulky green arms. She was like a wee little doll within his bulky figure, sleeping fitfully; Her breathing was light and peaceful, though her closed eyelids looked strained, as if she was having a bad dream. Her shoulders were slack and her whole body was relaxed.

The woods were grayer as the moonlit night sky dominated over the forest above. Shrek was sure they had gone from this direction towards the commotion that nearly got them all killed; That tanned man, called Archer, had nearly succeeded in killing him, and that thought had disturbed him; usually, it would take an angry mob of people to overwhelm him, pitchforks and torches, arrows, by the great and many, but during that battle in the flaming house Archer nearly took his head off by himself.

He wasn’t the best and strongest one-man team anymore, and that gave him fear. It meant he couldn’t take whatever other danger was out there by himself. He needed help; It wasn’t reassuring, though, that the only help he had was a little lassie unconscious in his arms.

The woods were clearing, and some great tall dark shape loomed over the forest, nearly blocking out the moon as they grew closer. The shape was odd, and it brought the great ogre a flashback of an image in a book he had read once; it was a story called Mulan. The book showed amazing images of  sloped red houses with pointed black roofs and ancient architecture of long bodied dragons decorating all over.

This was near identical, at least, to the ogre’s mind. It was much more detailed than in the story book, he could say that; the structure of it more sharp and defined under the moonlight. It was a red building, a shrine, almost, with a sloped sharp roof with columns and spires before it. In front of it all was a curved looking ancient arch, all above a steep stairway.

The lassie’s breathing grew into a soft groan, and Shrek looked down to see the girl’s red eyes open, more peaceful than when they were closed.

“Where, where are we?” She asked, tired.

“Aye, I’d like to know that myself.”

She sat up in his arms. She looked cautiously around at their surroundings. “You got us lost!” She said.

Shrek frowned at her. “Hey, you think I would know the map of this place? Mind you, lassie, I just got thrown into this whole mess.”

She gave him a criticizing look, and said, “What kind of servant are you?”

Shrek smiled. “One of a kind.”

They were at the base of the ascending stairs, and as Shrek looked up, he only had a second to glimpse the peeking moon off the corner of the shrine before a blurry figure swooped down and snatched up the girl in his arms. The Einzbern girl shrieked.

Shrek turned sharply ahead. “Lassie!” He followed the blur of shadow and the wavering of white hair in the wind, as they landed on the top of the stairs.

La Liberte!” the figure holding Einzbern said merrily aloud in an annoying French accent.

“Lassie!” Shrek shouted to her.

Illya fought the man holding her like a child, pounding at his shoulder. “Who are you?” She snapped. “Release me!”

“Be still, mon cherie, for I am your killere! But first I had the decency to save you from this beeast!”

“Hey, “ Shrek snapped. “That’s my lassie, go find your own!”

The moonlight defined the man more clearly; he was average sized in a green tunic, wearing a pointy green hat. His face was refined and sharp, with a thin mustache and small pointed beard on his smooth features. He smiled cheerily as he looked the ogre in the eyes, while the girl was still struggling in his arms.

“Please, monster! Can’t you see I’m a little bizzeey here?”

“Ugh! Let go of me! I don’t even know you!” Illya shouted.

“Oh ho, ho, of course, how rude! Let me introduce myself…” He snapped his fingers, and all of a sudden Illya’s body went stiff, and she began struggling as if she were bounded by an invisible rope. The man placed her down, and then called out, “Oh Merry Meeen! Hahaha!”

Suddenly an accordion started to play, and out from the shadows leapt four figures, all men, who joined Illya’s kidnapper on the top of the stairs. The men began to sing:

Men: Ta da da da whoo!

Kidnapper: I work for the rich and kill the most witty!

Men: he asks a wee sum.

Kidnapper: Cause cash is petty. I kill the best servants man I’m good!

Men: What a guy, Tueur Hood!

Hood: Break it down!

They all started dancing on the top of the stairs, Tuer Hood doing the most impressive dances, as Illya just watched wide-eyed in her invisible bindings. Hood leapt to the middle of the stairs, closer to Shrek.

Hood: In truth I like challenging kills and even sassy little lollies

Men: What he’s basically saying is he likes--

Hood: --No perverted follies! So...when an ogre in the bush holds a lollie by the tush that’s bad.

Men: That’s bad.

Hood: When a cutey’s with a beast it makes me awfully mad!

Men: He’s mad he’s really, really mad!

Hood leapt down more flights of stairs, much closer to the ogre. He pulled out something glittering in the moonlight, small and sharp.

Hood: I’ll take my blade and ram it through your heart! Keep your eyes on me boys, cause I’m about to STAAAARRRT!

This ended with Shrek’s big meaty green fist zipping over the assassin Hood’s blade and slamming against the Frenchman’s face. Hood flew backwards, and crashed against the stairs. The knife he held flew far into the woods.

One of the men cursed from above, “You stupid monster!” He pulled out a knife and started  towards Illya.

Shrek had to use his powers. He summoned up all his energy, all he had left at his disposal. In the blink of an eye, his onionzooka was held in both his hands, and he fired at the top of the stairs. The blast hit both the four men including the accordion player, who had still been playing until the layered projectile exploded right at him. Many magical layers, the layers of such mana and onions combined, burned the men into ashes in seconds. Illya sat there unharmed.

He aimed the onionzooka at Hood struggling to stand up, ready to pull the trigger…

“ What assassin announces that he’s going to kill his target in interpreted song and dance?” The icy voice of a woman echoed from beyond the temple ahead. “Unbelievable. What kind of servants are they recruiting these days?”

--- --- ---

FanFics / Re: Shrek/StayNight--Fate Route
« on: August 09, 2017, 04:52:46 PM »
Part 5--Enter Fate Route


Kirei Kotomine sat brooding in his chair. The time was ten past midnight. His servant Lancer should have made it back by now, from taking reconnaissance around the field of war. The priest Kotomine was safely secured in the vicinity of his church, which, according to the rules of this grail war, was a safe haven from the violence. Anyone who came into the church was assured safety and even some homely advice if they were nice enough.

The priest sat back. He was a  tall man, slim in his black clerical clothes with a cobalt-colored vestment draped over. A golden cross hung below his neck, a symbol of his faith. He brushed away his long brown hair that sat to his shoulders, and muttered a sigh. Having enough of the silence in the empty backroom he called out in a calm, monotone voice. “Gilgamesh.”

Out of thin air, specs of light clustered in a pile in front of where the priest sat. The bits of light flashed by in a brief explosion, until finally they steered close, and, combining themselves into one blinding entity, they dimmed to form a solid figure…

Kotomine’s eyes widened. This wasn’t Gilgamesh…

--- --- ---

Lord Farquaad sat in the chair before this surprisingly handsome priest. This man was almost, almost in the same league of handsome as he was. And looking at his surprised expression, the Lord of Duloc laughed.

“Not what you expected to see, priest?” he grinned.

The handsome priest sent a hand darting inside his vestment, but before he could pull out the small blade, Farquaad pulled out a stilleto from his red garment. He leaned forward in a fluid languid motion, and pointed the blade right at the priest’s neck

“Not so fast! You’re going to be wise and remove your hand.”

The priest frowned at him. “You’re not Gilgamesh. What did you do to him?”

Farquaad rolled his eyes. “That blonde pretty boy, with the narcissistic smile? Ha! I had him butchered.”

The priest did not change his expression. “I find that hard to believe,” he said. His voice was monotone, as if just stating a fact. There was no emotion, no anger or worry.

It pissed Lord Farquaad off.

“You want to see?” The Lord of Dulock snorted. “Thelonious, bring the body of the blonde.”

A swirl of glittering specks of light appeared, then in a blinding wonder they formed the executioner Thelonious, Farquaad’s most loyal subject and servant. He was carrying a bloody body like a bride being swept off for the honeymoon.

“Here, m’lord,” he said in his usual dopey tone.

“Drop it on the desk so this good priest here can see.”

--- --- ---

The body of Gilgamesh plopped down on Kotomine desk. Kotomine removed his hand from his vestment, while the threatening servant leaned away from him. Looking at the body, he could no longer feign his shock. This was Gilgamesh the King of Heroes; the blonde hair, the handsome, perfect face, those red eyes--now bulging and looking at nothing. Blood streaked down from the corners of his mouth, and from the bottoms of his eyes and nostrils.

The whole body it seemed was splotched in blood. Kotomine scrutinized the wounds closely. He saw the hilts of small swords still impaled in the servant's body. When he looked up the mysterious servant sitting in the chair before him was smiling. He was a short man, very short, but his jaw was huge and square, and his black hair looked fashionably in renaissance style along with his red garments.

“How did you manage to kill him?” He asked plainly. He was rather curious.

There was a gleam in the servant's eye. “Ah, yes. Well, I’ll admit, it was pretty tough. I’m just getting used to these powers of mine. But let’s just say I fought fire against fire.” he began an evil laugh.

Kotomine let him laugh for a minute or two, and then, finally. “So what--”

But the servant was still laughing like an evil villain. The other stocky servant in all black just stood there. It was like this for five more minutes, until, at last, the servant finished his laughter, wiping a tear from his eye.

“Oh ho ho, like I said, rich.” Suddenly, he waved a hand, as if gently swatting a fly. A rippling ring of golden light appeared in the air beside him, and emerging from the center came the long silver blade of a sword.

“Now I have his power,” The servant said. “Something I really don’t need, but hey, it just assures my victory in this war.” Ripples of golden light revealed numerous swords in the air, blades pointing right at Kotomine as he sat in his chair, looking the most startled he’d ever been in his life, causing the most slightest expression of fear to crack his neutral face.

“You’re going to kill me?” He asked, eyes narrowed at the servant.

The short man laughed. “No, no, no, don’t be absurd, peasant. I wish I could, but I cannot. I have to play by the rules here a bit longer until I claim that Holy Grail. For now, I need you, for we must make haste towards a certain servant, pay him a little visit.”

Kotomine frowned. “ Which servant is this?”

“An ogre,” Farquaad said in a low growl. “ That disgusting monster tried to thwart my plans, and I know he’s here somewhere. I’ll find him and make him pay, and all vengeance and victory will be mine!”

“You could just do that yourself," Kotomine stated. "Why don’t you just kill me? What use could I be to you? You killed my servant. I’m as useless compared to all your power.”

“True. But stop playing dumb and a kiss up, priest. I know all about you too, about your participation in the last Holy Grail War. You’re the encyclopedia of rules; some of these rules consist of such whoever comes to this church is safe from the fighting and killing. Is that true?”

Kotomine closed his eyes and nodded. “Yes, it is.”

A smile played on the servant’s lips. “Perfect. You will be my spy, priest. You shall also give everyone save me, information that jive according to my plans. Kapeesh?”

Kotomine closed his eyes for a minute or two, until finally, he nodded. “I am no match against you, servant. I have no choice.”

“Don’t call me a servant. It is you who will be serving!” The heroic spirit snarled. “My name is Lord Farquaad, and this war will turn in my favor.”

“Turn in whose favor?”

Before this Lord Farquaad servant could turn his head toward the foreign voice, a red lance came spearing him in the shoulder.

General Manga writer discussions / Re: Giant Crossover Fanfics
« on: July 30, 2017, 09:09:36 AM »
I agree with all the others here. What you're undertaking could be overwhelming. First, you have to keep all the attitudes of each character in mind. How would they act in certain situations? Who would they trust or befriend? Would Kaneki really befriend Luffy if they met? What would be their conversation? How would all the members of the straw hats feel about this?

It will also be a bit confusing to keep jumping from one character's point of view, to the next, and the next, and the next, and the next (Meaning all the chapters, and how they would combine together). It would just take forever for the story to resolve if you're making it one big thing.

But that's just a skeptic talking. I'll be happy to see what you can accomplish.

Develop Your Story / Re: Late night series of stories
« on: July 30, 2017, 08:52:08 AM »
I wasn't too interested in Story 1, although I do have a title for it if you plan on writing: Fate Willing

The second story sounds pretty cool. Perhaps his soul is being tormented in Hell? An angel is sent to save him and give him another chance? Perhaps something tragic really happened that drove to his unfortunate eternity?

I mean, these two could be good short stories. I'd stick to them, even if you plan on writing something else, or something bigger. These short stories could be good exercises for you, and I'd be interested to see where you take them.

Discussions / Re: "Pieces" Completed Story
« on: July 26, 2017, 03:57:02 PM »
LMAO!!! Hahahaha  :clapping: :tongue:

Discussions / "Pieces" Completed Story
« on: July 26, 2017, 02:55:20 PM »
Hey, I just decided to write this today for some reason. I'm not in the best of moods with work, so I decided to write a strange story about Legos. It's complete, and I was wondering what anybody thinks of it. If the writing is good, or the flow is okay, that sort of thing. I'd really appreciate it.

It's not that long, don't let the font scare you lol

Leggo my Eggo (Not a previous title suggestion)

Also, if you have not read the story, click on the "spoiler" tab and read before scrolling down at the posts, Major spoiler warning below!

Thank you all who take the time to read it!


“I’m sorry Mr. Elix, your time here is finished.”


The big boss George Morgan let out a long, exaggerated sigh. His elbows were resting on his black marble desk, fingers intertwined. “I’m afraid so.” He said.

“I don’t understand,”  Elix said, “I’ve done all you’ve asked for as an employee, plus ten times more. I’ve come up with new ideas at the meetings, some of which we used…”

Morgan waved his hand. “ It’s a tough world out there, Mr. Elix. We need something new every month, or we’re left behind. It’s a fast-paced world, an advanced world. All employees must be constantly projecting ideas for this company, and you haven’t come up with anything for the past two weeks.”

“That’s hardly any time at all--” Elix began.

Big Moragn leaned forward. His jaw was square, face chiseled; His eyes were beady like a mole’s, with a gross cowlick wet on his wide forehead. “Is it now? I believe differently, Mister Elix. Get out of here.”

Elix left the Lego company building, angry. He knew there wasn’t any reason at all to his release; Big boss man Morgan just didn’t like him, and that was that.

Still though, something inside himself stopped him in his tracks, something that he couldn’t fully comprehend as to why it was there; an itch, a small itch of curiosity. He began to go into thought; let’s see, what did I do that could have possibly given Morgan the advantage he needed to fire me?

Elix decided to go back inside and find out. As he was heading back the way he had come,towards the main entrance of the company building, a memory sparked into his curious mind like a lighted firecracker. It was his suspicion that made him think of it, as when he had first encountered this memory he had no reason to consider it as anything unordinary.

He had been walking down the hall of the lego company. He decided to take a walk after his lunch ended quite early. He still had about five minutes left before he got back to work. He headed towards the models. The models were all the life-sized sculptures made entirely out of lego pieces, to test and see how the colors looked and what could be improved of the shapes of the pieces.

They were amazing as usual; as he walked down the rows and rows of them, bright colors caught his eyes. A tyrannosaurus rex, about twenty seven feet tall, loomed over him, its numerous teeth out and open, and each made entirely out of hundreds of legos. From every muscle on its neck along its back, to the swerve of its tail, thousands more lego pieces completed it all.

Many more dinosaurs stood frozen behind it, caught in a natural act, so to speak; the long necks eating lego leaves from lego trees, and behind them on lego boats were sculpted vikings, eyes and wild facial expressions stunningly in depth for being made out of a children’s toy. Their helmets and cloaks really caught Elix’s eye, too.

He travelled around, and saw many characters in their respected places. He saw Batman and Robin,  Superman and Bizarro, the Justice league, all standing in perfect posture, all lego; He saw Harry Potter fighting Voldemort, and then on the other spectrum he came upon the anime characters. This was his favorite section; he loved anime. He saw Naruto, friendly face smiling as he waved to the visitors. Beside him was Hinata, all shy and innocent in her purple sweatshirt. Then he saw the Thousand Sunny ahead, and Monkey D. Luffy was--

Footsteps clamped against  the tile floor up ahead. Elix glanced over towards the Makeshift building of the Fairy Tail Guild headquarters, and saw a moving figure coming his way, carrying a box. This folllowed with another person behind him, carrying another.

“I still don’t see how the hell we’ll know which ones have already been done,” the person in the back said. “They don’t look any different.” It was a man’s voice. A familiar voice.

“I’ve been keeping track,” Said the person walking in the front. A woman. “ It won’t start unless he commands it.”

Elix had considered hiding then, but the minute he decided maybe it was a good thing to do so, it was too late.

“So which one of these is next--”

They stopped abruptly upon seeing him. Elix realized it was Eliza Banbery, assistant manager of the company, along with Ben Champagne, assistant, assistant manager…

They were both silent.

“Mister Elix,” Eliza said, her voice shaking off surprise. “ Funny running into you here.”

“Yeah,” Elix said. “It is.”

Eliza was something of a bland beauty, as Elix liked to call it. Her dress was bland; gray suit coat, gray skirt and shoes. But her thighs were fit and curvaceous, and her face smooth, showing a beautiful complexion under thin glasses and long chestnut hair.

“Welp,” Elix said, “ I was just taking a look around.” He nervously looked around, pretending to admire the sculptures he already saw. “ I still can’t believe we closed this off to the public. We made a lot of money from the exhibitions.”
“Yeah,” Eliza said. “But Morgan has bigger plans, ones that will make the company even more money. So closing it off for now will be worth it.” She brushed past him, and Elix caught a whiff of her perfume. “And Mister Elix,” she said, “I believe your break is over.”

Ben had given him a sharp look as he followed her. He was dressed in similar fashion; gray suit jacket and pants. His hair was dark but gray on the tips and the back of his head. He made heavier footfalls as he walked along  the tile floor.

Elix had left then, scared of the consequences. He knew Morgan was giving him the looks, the irritation and the nagging at him for every little thing he was doing.

But now that he was fired... Game on, Morgan. Let’s see what you’re up to.

Elix entered through the security without complaint. The guards simply didn’t know of his release, and accepted his card. He crept down the hall in a quick pace, cautious for any wandering eyes of his former coworkers.

He found the doorway that lead into the scale model room. The lego exhibit. Carefully, like a burglar, Elix went from sculpture to sculpture, taking brief pauses behind one to get a look around. He needed to see if Eliza or Ben were going to be walking by again, and this time, he was going to follow them.

Twenty minutes ticked by. Elix went from lego sculpture to lego sculpture, heading towards the anime section, where he had last seen them walking with boxes in their hands. When he found Naruto and Hinata, along with the rest of the main cast Sasuke and Sakura, and all the others standing there in ninja poses, he made a beeline towards them. He was out in the open, so he needed to be quick.

“Hey!” A voice called.

Sh*t. He hid behind the still form of the Sakura model. He peered out.

It was Ben, he was heading right towards him--

And stopped abruptly and bent down. Elix then saw Eliza striding behind him.

“I found one,” Ben said. He picked something small off the floor and held it up and showed it to Eliza. It was rather small, like a lego piece.

“That’s definitely it,” she said. “Come on, Morgan’s waiting.” They went back the way they came. “You got sharp eyes,” her voice grew into an echo as they disappeared.

Elix took no time to hesitate. He followed after them, as silent and swift as he could be. The two of them took a sharp turn towards the the Justice League section, walking down a narrow path with  scale models strange to Elix around them. He never took the time to view everything in this room, especially here. It was the most boring part. He was a geek; He loved seeing the heroes and villains of comics and manga, not boring regular models of people, the early works by Lego builders done long ago.

There were rows of scale people models  as Elix crept by. The florescent lighting above made the business and farmer attired sculptures move and glimmer off light. He saw Eliza and Ben take a sharp turn towards a wall and then then stopping. Eliza pressed some buttons, and suddenly there was a click and she opened a white door.

To his absolute luck, they didn’t close it. Maybe Ben was distracted or something, but the fool didn’t close the door that needed to be locked. Elix gave it a minute though. He was growing more and more anxious. What if they found him? What would they do? Would Morgan have him arrested? This seemed very secretive. And at the same time he was nervous and excited.

He shook his head, and made the decision that he shouldn’t care. He went over towards the door and slipped inside.

The lighting was very dim, and a room stretched out a long narrow hallway, its path only faintly illuminated by white circular lights installed in the ceiling. Elix crept his way down, looking to his left and right. When he made it towards the other end of the hallway, he saw a big glass window to his right, and through it he saw Eliza, Ben, and Morgan down below. There were also others too; lab technicians or something. They were fixing up some huge machine, built up around an inclined table...with a man strapped to it tight,. It was like a medieval device of some sort. The man strapped there was calm, relaxed, and dressed in a black suit unbefitting him.

“Have you really proved it?” Morgan asked Eliza. “Can they be rebuilt perfectly without death?”

“Yes,” Eliza answered. “We just had some of our builders finish rebuilding the first two, and it was a success. They’re still alive.”

“Show them to me,” Morgan said.

Eliza called out in a low voice at darkness beyond the machine and the table. Four men, two each wheeling in handcarts, came into the light. Elix’s heart sank. His eyes widened with terror.

Scale models. Heads that were made of straight sharp angles, of hundreds of pieces that appeared glued together, but moved around. The first was of a man, the other a woman. They gave off loud muffles, unable to move their closed lips. They were dressed in blocky formal wear, just like the man on the table who looked oblivious to everything.

“Excellent,” Morgan said. He stepped over and inspected them closely, unafraid. The live squirming models were tied up, so their arms weren’t able to move. “How are the animal models?”

“They were the ones that led us to doing this,” Eliza said. “The dogs have been moving around no problem for weeks.”

“Excellent. We’ll have an exhibit sooner than I thought.” he smiled. “How many inmates from the state prison do we have left?”

“Fifty or so, is what they allowed us. They both have life sentences. No parole.”


Elix couldn’t breathe. He just watched the squirming blocky figures. They looked as if they had been all broken down into pieces and then rebuilt…

“ If we have an uneven number of women and men, we’ll go rainbow with some partners, and make a ballroom full of different kinds of couples. The audience will love it.” Morgen went into a thought, before he asked, “The back section looking good?”

“Yeah,” Ben replied this time. “The ballroom is being worked on. We’ll use the failures by the entrance here to fill in the background. They can be the audience watching the dancers.”

“Only one thing,” Morgan said, scrutinizing the male blocky model. “Their will. How will you make them dance?”

“They’re already trying to do so, sir.” Eliza explained. “We took some pieces of vital memories out of their heads before breaking them. All they know how to do is dance. All they want to do is dance.”

She walked over to the machine. “This machine brainwashes them before it physically breaks their cells into physical blocks. And they’re quite easy to rebuild, since the pieces are just like our lego pieces. Nothing of their mind gets damaged because it's their outer body-- thanks to a safe breaking down of particles-- is reduced to pieces.” She  walked over to a box, the same box Elix had seen her carry a while ago. She pulled out a small piece, the same kind of piece Ben had picked up near the anime section of the scale models.

Elix felt very sick. The piece seemed to be jiggling between her thumb and forefinger. It was alive.

“Well then, what are we waiting for?” Morgan looked at the machine eagerly, at the inmate tied to the table, then at Eliza. “Let’s get this one broken down, and rebuilt good as new like humpty dumpty. And move on to the next. I want this exhibit done and ready for the public as fast as possible.”

He gave a  sharp command to the technicians, and they scrambled to the machines. Pressing buttons and flipping switches, one of them flipped up one switch and the machine flared to life, blue lights flashing. Two large needles slowly emerged from both sides of the machine as well as of the inmate strapped to the table.

The man seemed not to care, his pale expression vacant of any emotion entirely. He must be drugged.

“ Sterilize the proximity,” Eliza commanded.

More frantic typing of buttons from the technicians, and suddenly the needles shot a wave of invisible energy, with a loud, “Thonk!” a scream of gears grinding and machine labor. The waves hovered over and around the inclined table like heat. The figure of the man looked blurred and skewed in the waves.

“Now break apart,” Morgan commanded.

In a loud zipping sound, a burst of  yellow static shock emitted from the needles, and with unbelieving eyes Elix saw the man clouded in a spume of dark red. Blood.

“Absorbing sequence on,” said one of the technicians.

The red plume just floated there, unable to move from the energy waves.

“It’s absorbing!”

Slowly, Elix was able to see it. The red of blood was being vacuumed up by small angular-shaped pieces of flesh. Hundreds of small pieces, the colors of skin, clothing and hair, were clearly visible, and floated in space. The man was gone, replaced by this terror.

“Shutting off the waves,” said the technician.

The waves of energy immediately dispersed, evaporating into nothing. The pieces fell to the floor, numerous small thuds.

“ Get the custodians to collect the pieces,” Eliza said. “ Make sure every piece is found. Otherwise the man won’t be able to move.”

The technicians said. “I’ve already asked them to come, before the procession started,” said one of the technicians.

“Then where are they?”

Elix had seen enough of this madness. He turned to run--

But jumped back at the sight of two men in custodial uniforms. They’re just custodians, they can’t be that much a part of the conspiracy…

...he thought until they grabbed him. He put much of a fight, flailing his legs and biting a burly custodian in one of his  thick hairy forearms. The man screamed, and in retaliation he sent a hard blow to Elix’s jaw.

And blackness reigned.

-- -- --

“Welcome, James Elix.”

Elix opened his eyes, and saw the rectangular window up above him, where only a few minutes ago, he had looked down from. He saw the forms of Morgan, Eliza, and Ben standing around him.

“What are you doing?” Elix said sharply. “You’re making Legos out of people? Are you nuts?”

“Not necessarily,” Morgan said calmly. “You see, Elix, what we’re doing is a revolution. Through advanced quantum technology, we have been able to split apart a human being alive! Think of the future this will bring!”

“What future? You’re literally going to make these things dance around like one of those animatronics in Disneyland!”

Morgan furrowed his brows, frowning. “So you’ve heard that much, huh? I should have known. I should have fired you sooner. You  were always snooping around the exhibit. This project is so precious to me that anyone who even came at a threatening radius innocently and unaware were kicked to the curb.” He glared at Eliza, then back at Elix. “But of course, not you, Mr. Elix. You see, Eliza here thought you should be given a chance. You worked hard for your job after all.” He turned back to Eliza. “Now you see what you have done?”

Eliza looked down, silent.

“Idiotic, I say.” Morgan spat on the ground. “Be lucky you’re not the one strapped up.” He turned sharply to the technicians. “Start the machine.”

“Wait,” Elix said frantically. He felt something tied around his neck, and then he looked down and noticed he was wearing a suit and tie. No, no, no no! “Please,” he said. “I won’t tell anyone! I swear!”

“You see those sculptures by this entrance, Elix? The ones in suits and farmer wear? They said the exact same thing. Hell, I’d even let one go, until one of my custodians heard them blabber to their buddies what he promised to conceal. Now their both dead.”

The swirling invisible energy blurred Elix’s vision. It was hot. He felt himself boiling.

“Breaking apart,” said the technician. “Now.”

The static shock came in a flash, and Elix felt his entire body was caught in a net of wire, like clay, and broken apart.

Manga Creations / Re: Legomaestro`s Storybox
« on: July 23, 2017, 08:06:45 PM »
I was very intrigued with Hopes and Dreams. I love the concept! It would make a great manga if Terry had the opportunity to adventure after twenty-five years, meeting with all the characters who visited his bar along the way. Or, perhaps, he meets a new crew and he discovers that all the characters he met at his bar died, like that Paladin Clara.

Honestly, you could make some pretty good stuff with this, and I encourage you to write out a full manuscript. Just revamp some of what you already had written, and add some more! Also, it wouldn't hurt to size up on the font. It hurts my eyes trying to squint at the words.

Overall, good job and keep it up  :thumbsup:

Manga Creations / Re: The Two Kings (Short Story)
« on: July 23, 2017, 07:58:29 PM »
I'm sure it would be hilarious if this were being acted out...but reading it is another story. To me, I'm reading about two dudes talking while they're high on dat tree and it's just not that exciting in my head.  And I don't understand who the man in the suit represents.

Sure the first part where the man in the suit closed the drawer was funny, and I was actually expecting some more characters afterwards...but instead tehy just talked about the planets or something. And the guy in the suit was still there.

Manga Creations / Re: MR & ManimalVerse : The Midnight Harmonica
« on: July 23, 2017, 07:50:27 PM »
Well...This is...quite interesting...I think I've just been drawn into a world of craziness with this work :D Haha this is sending me spiraling out of control!

Haha well done Manimal! Quite the masterpiece!  :thumbsup:

General Manga writer discussions / Re: Hello, new writer here
« on: July 23, 2017, 07:44:04 PM »
Hi there! Nice to meet you! I'm glad you decided to write in MR!

It's a very active site, with loads of friendly advice and support. Coryn is right; a lot of people write more original works other than fanfiction, and from what I've read, they're thrillers, action, high fantasy, and some humor.

I personally write humor and action. I find it very enjoyable to write goofy stuff, while I'm also trying to improve my levels of prose.

I have glanced over at your Zelda and Attack on Titan fanfiction when writing on my Shrek fanfiction. Perhaps I'll give it a gander!

Welcome again!


FanFics / Re: Shrek/StayNight
« on: July 21, 2017, 10:17:06 PM »
Thanks Lego!  :dance: ;D I think you may have a point there with Sabers blade. An error on my part. Perhaps she doesn't want anyone to see the sword, especially the great ogre Shrek.

Archer seems in tact after shreks massive ogrepowering attacks... But is he?? Duh duh duuun! Haha  :D

Also...it appears Farquaad approaches soon

Develop Your Story / Re: Free Story Plots
« on: July 15, 2017, 11:12:56 AM »
I have a story idea that I'm not motivated to write out.

Tether ball x hunger games and matrix

A former Microsoft employee named Spiffy Briggs becomes a janitor.

Frustrated with the computer world, he had decided to get away from technology, enjoying the peaceful life of cleaning bathroom stalls, sweeping the floors of hallways, cleaning vomit, and enjoying the bliss of the after school hours.

However, as he was happily sweeping dust off of a classroom floor, an undercover microsoft employee appears from the shadows and forces him into a virtual world--where you constantly typing commands for every little thing you do ( taking a wizz, press "p" key. To kiss press "k")

The undercover agent says that they've made a reality that is in deep jeopardy, and need Spiffy to help. An old man with beautiful white wings is terrorizing the world, and nobody knows why.

And Spiffy is the only one they can trust to take care of it.

Inside the world, a deadly game of tether ball is taking place between attractive half naked adolescents. Spiffy must participate and win the game, or else he dies. The winner will meet the winged old man

Oh, oh, bonus! I got another!

A man is constantly running while he is on fire. If he is to keep himself from feeling the burning sensation, he must keep running, otherwise he'll crisp up and die

He must run all the way to the lake of Cooling, where the enchanted flames will cease. However, obstacles appear in the middle of his trail, and he must still keep running. Knights on black horses make him duel as he runs; Humpty Dumpty tries to fall on him, and grass nymphs try and seduce him to stop. But he cannot!!

Meanwhile, a dark entity is following him the entire time, hoping to catch up and kill him...ruh roh!

Lol this is great.

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