Messages

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MR Pub / Re: Chit Chat 2017

« on: September 10, 2017, 10:00:17 AM »

Because I'm getting a lot of messages on here: Yes, I'm alive, guys. I'm in the middle of FL so the hurricane will only be hitting me at category 1 strength. Plus I'm plenty prepared.

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MR Pub / Re: Chit Chat 2017

« on: August 31, 2017, 09:08:24 AM »

I finally got the inspiration AND motivation to draw again! ...then I plugged my tablet in and learned it's totally fried. RIP Panda (yes I named it), 2013-2017. You served me well.

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Music / Re: Churro's Attempts At Music

« on: August 30, 2017, 11:08:44 AM »

It's not bad for a freshman effort (not that I really know a thing about music, don't listen to me). I agree it could use a little more vapor. There is also this steep change between instruments, especially in the first half. Feels like the drum beat is coming in too harsh. Keeps it from gelling as well with the chilled out groove.

I do like the dialogue insert. Although maybe put something soft in the background? Again, it feels like too big a' change from what's on either side. Needs something to ease it in and out.

Thanks, Coryn! You're totally right. I'll play around with it and try to get a smoother transition! ^^

Not bad. I can dig. Where are the drums from? They sound quite well recorded in contrast with the monologue.

Also, nice Linn Minmay profile pic of course.

Thanks, man! I used the Garageband drum assist synthesizer for the base beat and then added my own kicks and snares because I didn't want to rely entirely on a synthesizer. When I redo it, I'm going to try to make the drums 100% myself and not use the pre-made beats at all, but I've still got some learning to do wih the program first.

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Music / Churro's Attempts At Music

« on: August 29, 2017, 10:16:22 PM »

Hey guys!! I've been having an awful art block, so instead of trying to draw, I've picked up an interest in music over the summer. Specifically, Vaporwave and chill beats. I just finished the first half of my first piece, UNREQUITED, for my first album called "False Memories." It's far from perfect and definitely not Vaporwave-y enough for my liking, but I'd like to go ahead and post it and get some feedback on how I can improve it! Without further ado, here it is:

https://soundcloud.com/user-856039164/unrequited

(Made in GarageBand on Mac)

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MR Pub / Re: Chit Chat 2017

« on: May 20, 2017, 09:01:24 AM »

Lol! He was a total jerk about it, too. He said "I barely have time to hang out with my friends, I really don't have time to go out with you." Bruh. I know for a fact you only come in to work like twice a week and you only take a couple of classes. You have plenty of time to play Breath Of The Wild on your Switch and rave about it to me, and then go on a week long vacation out of the state, yet no time to go out with me? If you're not interested, just say so. He was so nice to me when we first met. Didn't expect him to turn out to be such a butt.

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MR Pub / Re: Chit Chat 2017

« on: May 20, 2017, 08:39:11 AM »

When you worked up the courage and texted your crush 10 days ago to ask if he'd like to go out with you and he still hasn't responded.

Churro, that's the kind of thing you gotta do in person. It may be the more bold option, but you'd get results faster, as well as the option to be more sentimental and seductive to give you that edge.

Not too late to salvage things! Get out there and claim that fella for yourself!

So, uh, yeah. Finally saw him again the other day. Tried the whole ~ask in person~ thing y'all socially skilled peeps do... and got royally rejected. Man, that was humiliating.

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MR Pub / Re: Chit Chat 2017

« on: May 08, 2017, 10:56:06 PM »

I got a Disney song stuck in my head and I've been going over songs for 20 minutes now to get rid/satisfy it.

And no one knows, how far it goes! If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me~ one day I'll know, how far I'll gooooo~!

is snowing outside

Dang. Meanwhile, here it's 95F with constant fire watches because we haven't gotten rain since October.

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MR Pub / Re: Show members photo

« on: May 08, 2017, 10:52:25 PM »

Y'know, not exactly what I was expecting, but yeah, you fit yourself. If that makes sense?

Thanks! ...I think?

Theres...no pink hair!

Yeah, unfortunately it's really hard to get a job with pink hair... and for some reason, I don't get paid for being kawaii. Haha I did actually used to style my hair in ponytails (albeit not pink), but I got tired of maintaining the long hair (it was down to my hips!) so I cut it off.

You look so sweet! Remind me a lot of my friend actually. She's very sweet too. Sorry for stereotyping you based on your looks. 

Aww thank you!! No, I don't mind, that makes me happy to hear! ^^

Wow, those blue eyes... they invite to go and get lost in that deep blue ocean.

Haha thanks! I've been told they're my best feature.

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MR Pub / Re: Show members photo

« on: May 07, 2017, 09:53:32 PM »

Can't believe I haven't shared pictures of myself before... but since I'm back and all about being #real, how about y'all get to see the Queen of Kawaii in person?!

*drumroll*...

Spoiler

Thought bubble and animal ear filter added for that extra kawaii touch, of course.

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MR Pub / Re: Chit Chat 2017

« on: April 30, 2017, 10:42:51 AM »

When you worked up the courage and texted your crush 10 days ago to ask if he'd like to go out with you and he still hasn't responded.

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break Room / Re: An explanation... (I'm back, but different)

« on: April 30, 2017, 10:40:39 AM »

You guys are literally the best. You're all some of the most kind-hearted people I know, and that's why I'm glad I decided to be honest and come back. Heck, just the fact that you've gone out of your way (even if it's not easy) to remind me that I have a family who loves me here and that I mean something to people has already reminded me that there's still hope for getting better, and even if I don't get better, there'll still be people who'll stick by anyway. As someone who has a small group of people who'd actually do that for me, that genuinely means the world to me. It also gives me motivation to keep going, because if I actually make people here happy, I don't want to stop doing that. Thank you all so much.

Also, your grandmother is... Interesting? I don't think I know what to say to that quote.

Yeah, she's a... real character. To make it funnier, she looks exactly like the witch in Howl's Moving Castle. Some other favorite quotes/conversations of hers include:

Me: "Grandma, I'm not getting married yet. I'm focusing on my education and career for now, and if I'm meant to meet someone along the way, then I will."
Grandma: "That's dumb. You won't need a career when you're married, you'll be a wife."

"Stop eating like that. Men won't like you if you have a tummy." (She weighs over 300 pounds. Okay, grandma.)

"You look like a slut." (I was wearing a dress that went down to my knees, and a sweater over it so my shoulders weren't even showing. )

Grandma: "You got a lizard? Your mom let you?"
Me: "I'm an adult, I can do what I want...?"
Grandma: "You're not an adult, someone like you will never be an adult."

Yeah, safe to say I don't talk to her much if I can avoid it.

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break Room / An explanation... (I'm back, but different)

« on: April 29, 2017, 10:44:10 PM »

Hello, everyone! Long time, no see.

First of all, I’d like to apologize for my disappearance. I know I’ve disappeared multiple times in the past, but this was by far my longest time away from the site. Second of all, as a moderator and someone who swore to stay active and committed to this place, I think I owe it to you guys to finally explain why I keep vanishing like this. It’s not going to be a very fun post, and it’s certainly not going to be very kawaii of me, but it’s something I definitely need to get off my chest and feel like you guys should know as well.

I don’t really know how to say it, so I’ll get straight to the point: the Churro you know isn’t me, she’s a persona I play. I’m not lying about my identity or anything of course, I really am an 18-year-old girl who loves cute animals and all things pink, but I guess you could say that Churro is somewhat of a fake fantasy version of myself or who I would rather be. She’s bright, she’s confident, and she’s happy.  Then there’s the real Churro. When I was 9 years old, I developed a debilitating panic disorder that kept me from even leaving the house other than out of necessity. I didn’t sleep, I could barely eat, and I repeatedly indulged in dangerous behaviors such as washing my hands until they bled because I could never feel clean enough until I no longer had skin. When I was about 13, I had finally fully overcome the disorder and never had another panic attack. But that wasn’t the end. As soon as I overcame the panic disorder, I slipped into an emotionally numbing depression. I haven’t gotten any better.  I’m not even sad, I’m just numb to the world. It’s kind of scary, actually, because it’s getting to the point where I can’t even cling onto memories of what emotions were like. It’s fading away, and my fear is that one day I won’t remember what feelings were like at all or even remember that I ever could feel them.

The mental disorders, of course, are worsened by the physical ones. I have chronic pain, a permanent spinal malformation, chronic fatigue, a sleep disruption in my nasal, and chronic memory loss. Not to mention the dyscalculia (dyslexia but with numbers/math). Though I’m legally disabled, since I can (even with pain) still work like an abled person, I’m disregarded and ignored when I need accommodation for my problems. That sucks. Also, people think my memory loss and dyscalculia = stupidity. I’ll be honest, I’m not the brightest bulb in the box, but I’m no idiot. I have an IQ in the 140s, I’ve had a college-level education of English and grammar since I was in middle school, and I’ve had people I barely know go out of their way to tell me that I’m one of the wisest young adults they’ve ever met. I know this sounds like I’m tooting my own horn, but I don’t actually believe I’m all that smart (and definitely not that wise lol), I just don’t think I’m dumb because I can’t remember what you told me five minutes ago or I take longer than average to work out a simple math problem, and I think those are all good examples of why I don’t think I’m all that dull. Okay--I strayed off topic here. The point is that, even in adulthood, I get bullied a lot for being “slow/thick-skulled” (or, as my grandmother likes to say, “a dimbrain who should get married now while you’re still pretty, because you won’t be able to get into college.” Thanks, grandma.) and that just adds to the whole mess of why I’m just not a very happy or confident person.

What does any of this have to do with disappearing from MR? It’s like this: Churro is the me I want to be, and over all of my time here I’ve obsessed over keeping her perfect and not letting my real self slip through the cracks in that pink-haired, purple-eyed mask. That, in my already difficult life, is a very daunting task to keep up. Going online and carefully orchestrating messages so that you seem happier, smarter, more confident, and better than you really are is not something I could keep up with when I was having my bad episodes. When my chronic illnesses flared up or when I could barely get myself up out of bed because I just didn’t see the point in just repeating motions every day, putting on a mask and playing Churro is the last thing I wanted to do. And those days have been becoming more and more frequent. Adulthood has been hitting me hard, my parents have gotten divorced, my friends are having a hard time putting up with my mental and physical slips and leaving one by one, have been trying to get into college while fighting the voices playing through my head telling me I'm too stupid and wasting my time, and have been struggling through an abusive job and the stress of job-hunting for a better one that will actually compensate for my disabilities and, you know, pay me.

It was all too much, and my energy for Churro was at 0%. It still is… so, I’m back. But I’m putting my mask away. I’m sorry to everyone who has high expectations for me to be the Churro you’ve known, but all I want is to be able to come back to the site I love and actually be able to enjoy it instead of drain my energy on a façade.

Thank you to everyone who reads this whole thing, and thank you even more to everyone who’s still going to stick by me even if I might seem different now. I'm glad to be back, and relieved to have finally allowed myself to stop pretending.

Sincerely,
Churro (the real one this time)

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General Manga writer discussions / Re: NaNoWriMo Writers Guild

« on: October 20, 2016, 11:12:46 AM »

I have a novel done, but needing a final draft overhaul. Would doing that overhaul count for nanowrimo? Or does it have to be a whole new novel?

I can't start another new one, I've got one novel done and waiting for a final draft, and book two about 45% done. Can't start on book 3 yet!!

I'd say there is no "cheating" in NaNoWriMo, so if you want to just add/edit to your completed novel or continue book two, either one would be fine in my opinion! I'm doing something nontraditional too, and I'm continuing a novel I already started for Camp NaNoWriMo but never completed. In my opinion, NaNoWriMo is all about writing and having fun, so I don't think you need to stick yourself to some solid set of rules and just participate however you want.

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General Manga writer discussions / Re: NaNoWriMo Writers Guild

« on: October 20, 2016, 11:06:11 AM »

Thanks for joining us, Lego! ^^

NaNoWriMo is in just 11 days, so if anyone else wants to hop onto our chat, now's the perfect time!

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MR Pub / Happy Birthday, Echo_River!

« on: October 20, 2016, 11:05:04 AM »

Happy birthday to one of my longest and closest friends here on MR! I hope you have a good one!