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Manga Writers => Manga Creations => Topic started by: Coryn on December 04, 2011, 03:06:36 AM


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Title: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on December 04, 2011, 03:06:36 AM
For those of you interested in getting up to speed:

Arc 1: http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php/topic,2387.0.html

Arc 2: http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php/topic,2973.0.html


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So...i may have accidentally started writing arc 3. it just kinda started flowing out. Though let me say now that this doesn't mean things are going to get rolling again. I still have other stories that have priority. the song, the scene, the mood, all just kinda...clicked. so yeah. i'd advise listening to this when you read. sets a good mood for it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXpnI52cLEc


O DEATH

   It was dark out, but then again, that was nothing new on this planet, a perpetual, cold

night, the byproduct of the tree moons orbiting above. This was Luctus, planet of nightmares,

where hope was long ago a thing of the past.

   The Advisor stepped through the wooden doorway. This room was supposedly just as

well heated as the hallway and all of the rooms he had previously passed through. But despite the

fire crackling in the large fire pit in the room’s center, he felt a cold shiver run down his spine.

He desperately wished he could see the man inside, but the Lord preferred to stay hidden in the

darkness, and there was little chance the Advisor would even think to disobey him. Without

having to announce himself the Lord spoke, he always knew when he was going to be intruded

upon, even sometimes before the intruder did.

“What is it?”

“Sire… The reports you requested from the Science Division have arrived.”

“And?”

“The readings were a match your Lordship…an exact match…”

        The temperature dropped a little more. There was the slightest of movements from the

Lord as he continued to skulk in the shadows. It put the Advisor on edge as he heard what he had

been sure was a chuckle, he had been serving the Lord his entire life, and he was sure he had

never even seen him smile.

“Then I suppose I should prepare for my departure.”

         Preparing to quickly bow and then leave as soon as possible, the Advisor felt his throat

open wide and the blood start to flow out. Hitting the floor his blood spurted out from the wound,

spraying the wooden floors in red warmth. Gurgling as his life faded, the Advisor’s last sensation

was of a heavy boot pushing down against his neck, and then snapping it with a quick thrust.

The Lord looked over and watched as his Advisor’s blood ran down and came into

contact with the searing coals, creating a screeching noise as it burnt away. Looking back up to

where the body lay he saw nothing but a massive white smile floating above the corpse, teeth

shimmering in the faint light.

“If you keep killing my underlings there won’t be any left.”

The smile widened, even though it was already at the point which it should have been impossible

for any human mouth to open any wider.

“As long as I don’t kill the chef, right? That’s what you said!”

“That Advisor was worth to me than you are, and far more trustworthy. You will do well to

remember that.”

“Che! Like you’d be needing him after this anyways.”

“That is hardly relevant. Now get out of my sight! And be ready in the morning!”

Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on December 04, 2011, 07:56:14 AM
Oh man are you for real? Am i really seeing ARC 3 HERE? OHMAN. OH MAN!

Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on December 04, 2011, 08:01:41 AM
Read and interested. And man, it's great to get into this. Now for more agony as i wait every week. Dammitawesome
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on December 04, 2011, 01:38:07 PM
yeh. it's for real. can't quite believe it myself. feels odd to have an arc on my desktop again. but remember it'll be a while before i'm ready to really work on it. i've got to finish darling before anything else.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Robs_ugly_artwork on December 06, 2011, 11:53:09 PM
Thanks for posting that Coryn, I actually enjoyed reading that. Other than a few misspelled/missing words this rough draft reads pretty well. Kudos to you  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on December 07, 2011, 12:34:43 AM
thanks rob! hopefully i'll be able to cut down on those pesky misspellings this arc
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on December 07, 2011, 03:15:12 PM
*lurks
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on December 07, 2011, 03:23:18 PM
don't lurk too hard. i wouldn't expect to see so much of a paragraph out of me till mid december.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on December 07, 2011, 03:29:11 PM
Nuuuuuuu.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Robs_ugly_artwork on December 08, 2011, 09:49:59 PM
Is it mid December yet?.. ho hum..  :bored:
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on December 09, 2011, 01:57:24 AM
don't get too worked up. finals are next week. then i'll be home that sat. who knows when something will get written. and i'm still finishing darling first.

though, rob, this makes me think. did you ever actually finish arcs 1 and 2? 0_0
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Robs_ugly_artwork on December 09, 2011, 02:13:43 AM
don't get too worked up. finals are next week. then i'll be home that sat. who knows when something will get written. and i'm still finishing darling first.

though, rob, this makes me think. did you ever actually finish arcs 1 and 2? 0_0

I started Arc 1 when I was here back then, never finished it. So obviously I didn't get to read Arc 2 either. I don't even think that you posted up the 2nd arc back then.

Anyways, TBH I just thought I could start your story on Arc 3. Will I get confused if I didn't read the other Arcs? hmm, guess I might have a heck of a lot of reading this holidays season. Well, it's free entertainment.. Can't go wrong with that.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on December 09, 2011, 12:13:32 PM
Rob, you would get so confused, it wouldn't even be funny.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on December 26, 2011, 01:27:46 PM
*lurks again
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on December 26, 2011, 01:28:47 PM
you aren't going to see anything new. lurk in darling if you want. this wont be worked on until i'm done there.

though i think i just an idea for that. sadly it's post christmas and i got game(s) to play.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on December 26, 2011, 01:35:13 PM
Hah, i hear you. I had plans to study after christmas and that's looking more and more ridiculous
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on June 13, 2012, 09:39:14 PM
Alright! Let's get this ball rolling! Again! this time for real though! I'm full on Arc 3 ready!

you'll need this.

http://www.infinitelooper.com/?v=6GLg6u7PTQU

KYLE: WAKE

Kyle’s eyes fluttered slightly, the new dawn pouring in through the only half closed blinds.

Yesterday, having been Saturday, coupled with the bright light meant that it could only be

Sunday. And Sunday as always would beget Monday, bringing school along with it. Kyle buried

his face back into the pillow.

Time is a cruel mistress…

   It was a well known fact to all high schoolers that time moves twice as fast on the

weekend as it does during the week, especially only three weeks into the fall semester. Equally

well known was that no one does their homework until Sunday, which meant that the weekend,

for all intents and purposes, was already over.

   Interrupting Kyle’s string of silent expletives into his pillow was a steady beat of heavy

footsteps coming up the nearby stairs. Raising his head just enough to see, Kyle’s eyes sat even

with the pillow’s surface. Watching from behind his mass of uncombed shaggy hair, Kyle

witnessed Tyler’s dad ascend the last few steps and wordlessly pass his position on the leather

couch. Quickly reaching the other side of the room the stout man banged on the far door,

opening it a second later and yelling at the sole occupant.

“Your friend is up already so haul your ass out of bed so he won’t be bored!”

   The career military man had recognized long ago that Kyle always woke up at exactly

9:30am when he stayed the night, which was at least once every weekend, although Kyle had

never liked being scheduled around.

   Turning around, Tyler’s father marched back downstairs, mentioning to the still

motionless Kyle that there was juice in the fridge if he felt so inclined.

   Tyler himself waited until a full minute after his father’s head had disappeared beneath

the floor to groggily shamble out of his room. In a single orchestrated and well rehearsed motion

Kyle pulled his feet in and righted himself, while Tyler did a mid air stretch as he flopped down onto

the couch. For a moment the two friends just stared at the blank television before them, after a

few moments of ruing the day sunshine was invented Tyler finally reached up and procured the

remote, flipping through channels without ever really looking to see what was on.

   Tyler was the first to speak. He put on the atrocious British accent he had been using the

night before after the two had stumbled onto a B rated zombie movie that had been set in

London.

“Your mum pestering you to head home yet?”

   Kyle responded in his far superior accent that he had spent years mastering.

“Out of town this week I’m afraid, and Dad don’t care much one way or another.”

   Tyler rubbed his short red hair, yawning extra loudly to showcase his annoyance at being

showed up, though continued on anyways.

“Want to head out and get a bite?”

“You know I’m straight broke.”

“I’ll just ask mum for some brass. You know she loves you like a second son.”

“Well get on with it then. I’m starving.”


   A few minutes later the two 17 year olds were stepping out onto the front porch of the

two-story home. Squinting their eyes almost completely shut they slowly allowed the sun in as

they started making their way down the street. As usual the Florida humidity was brutal despite

the morning still being relatively early, and over the palm trees they could see the Miami skyline

jutting up into the overwhelmingly blue sky.

   Emerging from the 1950’s housing development the friends found themselves stopped at

an intersection finally finding some rest from the morning rush hour, though traffic still flowed

heavily enough to keep them stopped for a full 6 minutes.

   Staring at the single cloud that floating on the horizon Kyle spoke without turning his

face from it, keeping his concentration on it while waiting for the light to change.

“It’s always sunny when we wish it would rain, and always raining when we want it to be

sunny.”

“Welcome to the universe my friend. There’s no seating and all the waiters are dicks.”

“What is that even supposed to mean?”

   They had dropped the accents and the light had finally changed. Hurrying across the

blazing pavement Kyle thought he could feel his cheap flip flops melting just enough to cause

them to stick with each step.

“I’m saying that nobody really gets what they want out of life. And just cause the universe

doesn’t want to give you what you need on any given day.”

   Slowing down Kyle eyed his friend without turning his head to the side, Tyler did the

same and as a result neither could actually see where they were going, though they knew the path

well enough it didn’t really matter.

“Don’t be too pessimistic about it hm?”

“I’m just a realist, what can you do about it?”

“Not much admittedly.”

“See, then we’re in perfect agreement, like always.”

“Now who’s being unrealistic?”

   Arriving at a small diner the two hurried inside to escape the heat, quickly securing their

place next to the only free window unit of the eatery’s two. Picking up a menu each they sat with

their faces far too close to the worn cards to read comfortably, continuing to talk as they mulled

over the familiar breakfast choices.

“So let us, for the sake of argument, assume that karma exists.”

“An over reaching force of the entire universe that rewards us for being good and punishes us for

being bad.”

“Let’s look at it as just cause and effect.”

“How is this going to help justify the weather exactly?”

“I’m getting to that Kyle. For instance say you continually curse the sky for not doing what you

want it to, essentially daring the universe to run on your time not its own.”

“Well it just sounds selfish when you say it like that.”

   The waitress visited their table for only a few seconds, just long enough to retrieve their

menus and affirm that they would both be having the usual with little more than a nod.

“If the universe works a specific way for you then there will be a lot of other people being put off

by it. You can’t make all of the people happy Kyle.”

“Or could I?”

“I know that tone of voice, it means something maniacal just popped into your mind.”

“I could be like a weather controlling god! A superhero!”

“Or villain.”

   Kyle promptly ignored Tyler’s comment. Hopping up and standing on the booth instead.

“Bringing town lighting storms on bank robbers! Trying to assassinate the president? Boom!

Hurricane!”

“Millions in property damage. An army of lawyers to deal with the lawsuits.”

   Kyle dropped back down into his seat, spreading both arms across the backrest.

“You’re no fun sometimes.”

“I don’t have to be fun before my morning coffee. It’s in my contract.”

“That stuff will stunt your growth you know.”

“I’m taller than you are.”

“Point taken.

   The two sat quietly until their pancakes arrived minutes later. Kyle silently contemplating

a good comeback, then silently cursing himself just as he found one, realizing that the unspoken

time limit for snappy rebounds had long since passed. Tyler meanwhile had spent the entire time

slowly arranging a spoon, two packets of creamer, and the sugar container into the perfect

position. So that when the waitress returned with a coffee mug and full thermos he would be able

to precisely mix his brew within the minimum amount of time possible.

   Slapping butter across his neat stack of buttermilk flapjacks Kyle looked back out the

window. Surprisingly the sky was starting to cloud up, and as he tilted his head around, he

realized that in their north bound walk towards the dinner, they had neglected to turn south, and

realize there was a storm gathering itself in the distance.

   Tyler broke his concentration, his coffee already blended and brought up to his mouth,

filling his nostrils with steam and aroma.

“Have you finished that English assignment from Friday yet?”

“I’ve spent the whole weekend slumming around with you, what do you think?”

“That was a test. You passed.”

“Liar. You’re just subtly trying to get my help with it.”

“Can’t blame a man for trying.”

“I can blame you for not doing it in the first place though.”

“We’re in the same boat then.”

   Kyle sighed, dropping his head down and resting his chin on the table, taking in the sweet

smell of the butter melting on his breakfast.

“I suppose we are. Let’s head to my place after this and knock it out then.”

“Let’s.”

   Finally digging into their meals, raindrops began to smack down on the glass panes,

granting them both the reprieve from the sun they had been hoping for.



as you may have guessed from the song choice, was heavily feeling the bakemonogatari vibe while writing this chapter. So the sentence structure and dialogue kinda reflect that. really want to keep a varying feel with this arc. not just the same shounen shounen shounen feel all the time.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on June 14, 2012, 01:55:41 PM
Well my internet was too busy being *censored*ty so i couldn't listen to the song. I could definately see the dialogue aspect though, and i'm amazed. It was definately japanese esque. Bakemonogatari/Durarara/Baccano/Katanagatari style dialogue. I've always wanted to emulate that, and you've pulled it off! Nice!

The chapter title? Am i right in sensing an mspaint reference?

The chapter was definitely interesting, and i rolled with it proper. I was actually suprised it ended like that, and yet it still works as a hook. Very interested in the correlation between the prologue and this chapter.

And did i mention? HELLS YEAHS A NEW CHAPTER FROM CS-ARC3~!!!!
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on June 14, 2012, 02:05:48 PM
thanks for all the compliments lego!

if you ever find yourself able to read while listening to the song. it brings a nice pace to the reading.

and the correlation will come in time. expect lots of separate stories for a while.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on June 14, 2012, 02:15:18 PM
Short of a heart attack I won't be missing out on those.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on September 10, 2012, 04:22:59 PM
so... how goes the business? of writing an epic saga?
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on September 10, 2012, 04:39:25 PM
Not much. well not much physical.

got some more of the essential plot figured out finally after just having some base ideas out there. as per usual the end is coming to me first, so the great "finishing speech" is coming into sharp focus.

really haven't written much of anything i'm afraid though. Last tuesday i did write some stuff for magical girl tama-kun. but alas arc 3 is untouched. it's not like i don't know what to write i'm just so busy that i can't find the mood.

what it boils down to is: Finish the school work>Find the time>Write the story.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on September 10, 2012, 04:41:24 PM
I see i see.

That reminds me.

TO ECCHIWORLD!!!!!
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on September 18, 2012, 12:43:52 PM
So... query. Any chance we'll be getting to know more about the other of The Five in this arc? Or is it all focused on Coryn?
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on September 18, 2012, 12:50:23 PM
No. Everybody is going to be getting a little bit more personal time. being the last of the saga it's important that the reader is left with a sound feeling for each character. so while there won't be much in the way of massive revalations. (saving those for the book of origins anthology) you'll get to be a bit more intimate with them all.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on September 18, 2012, 12:57:03 PM
Great to hear! I suddenly felt i wanted to know more behind the mysterious personas. I'm a bit satisfied with jack, but i want to know about October and Colt. October mostly.

Oh. I know it betrays my principals, but i just must know! Any chance a vampire hunter has ever been after October??
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on September 18, 2012, 01:15:24 PM
Not something that's been revealed to me as of yet either. So who knows. Likely though.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on September 18, 2012, 01:20:25 PM
Your referring to your story being alive to you huh? I miss that feeling. I can't wait to work on something like that as well haha.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on September 18, 2012, 01:48:25 PM
Socrates believed that all knowledge is contained within you from birth, it's just a matter of remembering it. And really that's what writing this story feels like to me. Like I'm just stumbling across memories. True inspiration is a beautiful thing.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coach Fro on September 18, 2012, 02:12:23 PM
I remember reading this awhile back. I was so confused. I should have read the other arcs first.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on September 18, 2012, 03:10:38 PM
yeh. that would probably help loads
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on September 24, 2012, 08:31:14 PM
Oh what's that? A new chapter? Why yes, yes it is.

Switching gears yet again with this once. All of them, all of the gears.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3217H8JppI&feature=related

WHEN ALONG COMES A SPIDER

Space: the greatest region of exploration known to every culture since the very first space faring

race stepped out into the cosmos. Its infinite waltz of light and energy, darkness and matter,

reaching into the very psyches of any creature with a brain complicated enough to look into the

unknown and wonder what lies beyond. Its vastness: mindboggling, so full, and yet so empty.

The shear existence of it is enough to destroy the mind of a lesser man attempting to understand

it. And in this vast dark vacuum of silent space, boomed Beethoven’s Symphony No. 9, in D

Minor.

   The small freighter floated high in Earth’s orbit, sailing silently though an otherwise

empty sky. Only the faintest of blue glows emanated from its beehive shaped engine, keeping

only the bare minimum of system running. It was the very picture of serenity, yet inside the craft

the universe was behaving in a far more hectic manner.


“What do you mean you can’t restore the gravity replicators?!”

   Jaska Baranski slammed into the wall of his ship for at least the 20th time in his attempt to

escape the engine room. As a man who appreciated the classics of the ancient composers it

wasn’t unlike himself to play a symphony or two while performing engine maintenance.

Unfortunately, it also meant he didn’t always hear when something went wrong, like the artificial

gravity shorting out for instance.

“It’s like I said. They’re completely fried.”

“How the hell does that even happen?!”

“Well it probably started when you bought the cheap pair of them off that junk peddler.”

   Jaska new the cold, metallic female voice was right of course. But growing up with a

stern father, and very little else to do during Siberian winters, had taught him that even if you

were wrong, you could win an argument if you outlasted your opponent.

“They were a hell of a deal at the time! How am I supposed to know when something is going to

break down anyways?!”

“Maybe actually take some time to learn about how your ship works?”

   She had cornered him. Jaska was never an expert when it came to most machines, and

truth be told he would have hired a mechanic long ago, though as it turned out Jaska was a bit

too cheap for that. In fact he had only come by his current companion by shear dumb luck. The

jury was still out on whether or not ‘luck’, or just plain old ‘dumb’ had more to do with the event however.

   Jaska had finally reached the engine room door and grabbed onto the ladder railing bolted

to each side of the corridors. Working his way down the hallway he followed a scenic path

towards the infirmary, not wanting to risk the far more direct but also wide open course through

the bay. Muttering under his breath he dodged a few hypodermic needles that had floated into the

hall.

“Human beings were not meant to exist in zero gravity.”

“You aren’t even human Jaska.”

“I grew up on Earth and look just like one! It’s close enough for what I said!”

   He was sure the secondary rebuttal amused her, but Jaska was far too concerned with

making it to the bridge and making sure the replicators couldn’t be knocked back online.

“Yes well, I can appreciate the fact you enjoy the 9.81 meters per second squared that you are

accustomed, but I know what you’re thinking, and let me be the first to tell you that the old

hammer and rubber band trick isn’t going to work. I’ve got every working sensor on this ship, of

which I remind you there are few, looking at the damn things. You’re just going to have to find a

new pair, and deal with the zero-G in the meantime.”

“Oh ye of little faith. How many times Alsace, how many times has that trick worked?”

“Jaska I-”

“How many times?”

“Of the six times attempted, five. But I would like to remind you that as you kept crudely

banging them back into working order like some kind of caveman, you inadvertently bashed

them up so badly you could barely sell them for scrap.”

   Jaska played up his Russian accent. After so much time abroad it had faded to little more

than a hint, but he could always bring it to full bear of incomprehensibility when he wanted to.

He thought it made him sound like a philosopher.

“I think you vill find that my, as you call them: ‘crude methods,’ are very effective at keeping

my vallet full.”

“Drop the accent please, it adds nothing to make you seem smarter. And if you keep going

through parts like this you’ll find that what’s cheap at the time will end up costing you. Now if

you look at the list of recommendations I’ve prepared…”

   Jaska took his cue to drown her out and let Beethoven fill his ears instead. He never had

liked the idea of someone else telling him what to do. Systems of command were just a means to

assume command. Of all the people he had had commands given to by though, this woman was

the worst, if in fact, she could even be called a woman.

   Jaska finally found himself floating through the open hatchway and onto the cramped

bridge, loudly interrupting Alsace’s rant as he pulled himself down to the floor with the

assistance of a series of handles built onto what looked like an ancient, yet oversized computer

tower.

“By the navi-computer he says! It’s a good deal he says! HE FORGOT TO MENTION THE

DAMN THING TALKS!”

   Lights across the tower flashed in unison, accompanying the sounds of Alsace’s voice.

“You know full well that I’m not a navi-computer. I am a fully aware A.I. A fully aware A.I.

who’s last owner was too stupid to realize hardwiring me to his navigational unit to improve

performance wouldn’t be any more effective than the mobile uplink I already had established.

Yet despite my repeated warnings, he did it anyways, which is exactly what caused us to

crash into a small moon mid transfer, killing the fool, and landing me with the junk dealer you

found me with.”

Jaska grabbed a hammer along with a small pack of rubber-bands, and proceeded to duck

through some paneling next to Alsace’s flashing display.

“To think, after all that, I ended up with an even bigger idiot. Speaking of which, have you given

up yet back there?”

As if in response, a loud clank of metal against metal resounded from the dark

crawlspace, shortly followed by a sound not unlike a fan spinning up, and concluded by the

sound of objects raining down around the ship, back in the loving embrace of simulated Earth

gravity.

Jaska crawled back onto the bridge feet first as the 9th came to a close, and placing his

tools firmly down on the main console, stared out at the blue planet outside the windows. Earth

reflected against Jaska’s yellowed iris's, and even his silver hair seemed to absorb its glow.

“He’s down there you know. Right now he’s on that planet somewhere, completely obvious to

the hell that’s about to be brought down upon him.”

“I do try to stay out of your troubles when I can. But I can’t help but continue to find this to be

the most foolish of all fool's errands ever concocted in the history of the multiverse.”

“Say what you will but you can’t change my mind. I’ve dedicated my entire life to this cause,

and I will not rest until it’s finished. Mark my words Alsace: I will kill Coryn Sken!”
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on September 25, 2012, 12:07:35 PM
*stares in awe
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on September 25, 2012, 03:08:19 PM
I'll take that as a good sign 0_0

have any useful critiques? were the descriptions ok? i tried not to put in an over loaded description of jaska as i usually would. I just wanted the audience to see him as a sort of normal guy physically so i didn't put too much in there. hoping you'd just fall back on basics
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on September 25, 2012, 03:29:14 PM
Well the tone of writing was different that's for sure. I know you were already heading this way but it's now got that beefed up novel feel. I'd say it reads like a professional Y.A.F novel? I felt the descriptions could've been more specific in the beginning maybe, since i only clearly got an image in my head starting from where he floats past the hypodermic needles and the ship. The imagery was good there.

Jaska didn't seem overloaded at all. Apart from he's clearly special statement at the end i thought of him as a complete side character. He's not boring, but he was as regular as regular could get in a sci-fi environment.

I have one thing though: i'm not sure if this will line up with the earlier chapter in terms of tone. I guess i'll read the two together one after the other, since i haven't read that other chapter in a while, but i'm worried that the bakemonogatari style writing would conflict with this one.

Those were all my thoughts on the chapter. Otherwise awe at the fact that a chapter has come out, and awe at how great a hook you placed there.

I hope things go sequential now though. The chapters you've written all start from totally different places. Or at least they seem to.

Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on September 25, 2012, 03:57:08 PM
Hm. well i was hoping the mentioning of a beehive shaped engine would help with the very start of the chapter. (you know. larger room, big round engine in the center)

as far as tone that's kinda the point. we're jumping from setting to setting, all of which are drastically different. i threw in the word multiverse for a reason there. (you'll notice characters use multiverse and universe interchangably) There are a lot of different settings and moods that accompany each. Before i always felt that the tone was just the same for every scene i wrote. and i think that mostly comes from the fact i was always following the same characters.

But i want to show how diverse the universe we're dealing with. so with the first chapter it's a bit more of that classic shonen feel. second chapter is slice of life. the third is full out western sci fi.

after all the Alliance is very much western in style. and light spoiler: Jaska comes from that particular faction of the universe.

as far as sequence goes. all the chapters are linear along the timeline. just shown from different perspectives. so maybe that's what's throwing you off?
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on September 25, 2012, 05:05:51 PM
It's just the different perspectives that were throwing me off.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on September 25, 2012, 06:09:43 PM
I'm afraid you're going to have to deal with it a bit longer then 0_0

not sure what the next chapter will be. But you can probably bet on another perspective swap. There's just too many irons in the fire to look at one of them.

really though i just felt that people would be following Coryn at every step of the way. or Kyle, or whatever the hell i'm calling him now.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on September 25, 2012, 06:26:18 PM
You spoiled it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 T-T

I suspected it was Kyle but *sniff.... how could you.


Anyway i'm one of those who will follow coryn every step of the way. I've just never seen the whole perspective switch thing done before. I don't particularly have any problem with it, because each chapter was written well in their own respects
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on September 25, 2012, 10:08:16 PM
dude. i thought it was obvious. it was supposed to be obvious.

the room description, the age, the friend, the physical description.

there is nothing there that doesn't add up.

Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on September 27, 2012, 06:48:36 AM
I overthought things. I thought it was too obvious to be him
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on September 27, 2012, 11:04:08 AM
Lego pls

Is it like me to mind*censored* my readership like that?

....


don't answer that.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on September 27, 2012, 12:57:04 PM
heh, so long as you understand.

Can't wait for other characters to start showing up. And i wonder how Coryn will ever get back to normal without the Kourusen (sp?) acting up... hm...
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on September 27, 2012, 01:02:45 PM
Good question. I should probably figure that out.

never mind. got it.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on September 27, 2012, 01:16:57 PM
That was fast!

Damn, that whole 'your story being alive ' factor huh. Pretty useful.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on September 27, 2012, 01:21:46 PM
well this is a bit different. that's more about inspiration. Seeing how it progresses on a larger scale.

this is more like a puzzle. There's a missing spot. Find the piece that plugs it up. Luckily there are multiple pieces that work. But they're all different colors.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on October 10, 2012, 04:54:55 PM
*stares suspiciously at Coryn

Dude... don't get any funny ideas from the latest bleach chapter...

Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on October 10, 2012, 09:08:51 PM
Don't worry Lego. The fate of each and every character is already sealed. For better or for worse.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on March 23, 2013, 04:54:51 PM
STALKING THE CITY

A bright light flashed in the dark corner of a silent parking garage, yet undisturbed in the

predawn hours. From the light however, tumbled a girl draped in a Japanese school uniform.

Knocking over a trash bin as she crashed to the ground, the girl ignored everything else and

started frantically looking herself over and poking her body, as if worried everything wouldn’t be

there.

   “Good…still got legs. That’s an improvement.”

   Looking up at her surroundings, the girl quickly sprung to her feet, righted the trashcan,

and started walking off as briskly as she could without looking suspicious. She would need to be

careful, and quick. It had taken a lot of effort to get her there, and every moment she wasted was

precious.

   Katsumi Amano was finally back in Miami, and this time, she wouldn’t be leaving

without him.


   Three months earlier: Katsumi stood in the courtyard of Amaterasu Castle, a most curious

man: Jack Frost, standing opposite to her. They had been sparing for most the day, Jack had

hardly broken a sweat, Katsumi was drenched. With each breath, a fog of white filled her vision,

pushing out and re-condensing on her blade. Jack stood aloof however, each hand empty,

constantly creating and dispersing weapons in the middle of combat. His laxness drove her mad,

never knowing what he would be wielding with her next strike infuriated her, but at the core of it

all she knew it would make her better, maybe even worth standing against in a fight.

   Bringing her sword down to her side, Katsumi rushed Jack once more. Lifting off with a

single foot she closed the distance in a blink of an eye, and was already swinging the blade down

across Jack’s neck. He took a half step back and shot up a kick, encasing it in ice as it flew.

Katsumi had already seen him use the trick before, and sent the back of her fist flying into it,

shattering the ice and sending his food back. Still trying to get both hands back on her blade,

Katsumi left herself open for Jack to shove his open palm into her sternum.

   Grasping for breath through the pain, Katsumi grabbed Jack by the wrist, and used her

right arm to bash Jack in the jaw with the hilt of her sword. Releasing his wrist, Katsumi spun

and once again slashed at Jack. This time however he reached out and grabbed the blade with his

bare hand. She watched as he formed a thin sheet of ice, tough as any metal, across his palm to

protect from the blow. And tightening his grip, Jack sent the sword flying out of Katsumi’s hands

and into the air.

   Without a moment’s hesitation Katsumi disappeared from Jack sight, not a singular

instant later, appearing a dozen feet behind his back. The sword seemed to fall right into her

open hand, and she immediately dropped her stance down, leveling the blade parallel to the

ground and launching herself at Jack. This time as she flew forward however, red energy, roaring

like fire, erupted from the cold steel of her blade.

   Katsumi slammed her foot into the ground just before reaching Jack, and stabbed the sword

forward with all the might she had left in her. Spinning around just in time, Jack threw up his

arms and a flat shield of ice seemed to burst forth from his palms. As the blade connected with

the ice shield, the energy rushed forwards, but parted in half by the ice, it surged past Jack on

both sides. The attacked died out, revealing that most of the icy barrier had been melted down,

with two wide groves on either side to boot. Finally out of energy, Katsumi collapsed to the

ground, her sword clattering down next to her.

   Seeing that she had nothing left to give, Jack settled down the stones as well. Leaning

back on his hands, he let the pale skin of his arms absorbed the few week rays of light they could

from the winter sun. Even without a coat and his T-shirt sleeves rolled up, Jack hardly seemed to

notice the cold, practically reveling in it. Katsumi couldn’t help but admire that he could find

peace regardless of the situation.

   Jack had in fact been training herself and the three other girls of the Nisou Tomoshibi for

the better part of a year. No one recalled ever having asked him to, nor could they believe that he

couldn’t have found other ways to spend his time. Indeed, anytime someone had asked him about

it, his only response was: ‘Because you were first precious to Coryn, and so you became precious

to me.’ Katsumi couldn’t help that Coryn had actually been the one to arrange the whole thing,

but he was hardly available to clarify.

    After a few more moments of recuperation, Katsumi looked back up at Jack.

   “So Jack, you trained under Coryn from what I understand?”

   “That would be an accurate understanding, yes. Why?”

   “How was it? What was it like I mean?”

   “Well…”

   Sticking out his arm, Jack sent a medicine ball flying across the courtyard and into his

open palm. Climbing to his feet, Jack released the ball and dropkicked it, causing it to fly off into

the sky, so high in fact that Katsumi lost sight of it, and before long she decided it would be a

waste of time waiting for it to come back down.

   “Not the most subtle metaphor…”

   “Coryn isn’t a very subtle guy.”

   “You make an excellent point.”

   Jack hit the ground again and spread himself out against the cold stone, completely open

to the sky.

   “Well to be completely honest he wasn’t much of a teacher so much as he was a point

guard.”

   “A sports metaphor isn’t going to clear this up any better than the last one.”

   “Right, raised by a religious sect in another dimension, you don’t catch many games of

basketball do you?”

   “Not exactly, no.”

   “Right, well the point guard is responsible for making sure that the ball gets to the right

player at the right time. Similarly, Coryn made sure I was thrown into the right situations at the

right times. Natural disasters, wars, void of space, cock fights while tied to one of the roosters,

exploding quasars, moonshiner rings, angry Aztec worshipers, the occasional moot…"

        Jack rambled on for several minutes, listing progressively more ridiculous events from

his training under Coryn. After a while Katsumi stopped believing most of the accounts, but she

became progressively more positive that Jack’s metaphor about being ‘thrown’, was less

metaphor and more: completely accurate depiction of the physical action taken. Finally he

seemed to run out of memories from the top of his head, and finished up.

        “So you know, the usual I guess.”

   Katsumi’s face was filled with annoyance. She had expected Coryn’s training would be

reminiscent of Fuji’s, never had she been more wrong.

   “He threw you into empty space?”

   “Not without good reason though!”
   
        “What constitutes good reason?”
   
         “Zendack pirates.”
   
         “As if that answers anything!”

   “It would if you ever ran into a Zendack in heat.”

   She winced, covering her face with her hand.

   “Everything you say is annoying me in so many ways.”

   “You’re the one who initiated the conversation.”

   “That was before I realized Coryn’s training was ninety-percent homicidal.”

   “Oh now that’s just unfair.”

   Jack leapt to his feet in a single motion, and walking over to Katsumi, extended his hand

down to help her up as well.

   “He never once put me into a situation he thought would kill me, not purposely anyways.

It’s just that Coryn’s more of a ‘trial by fire’ kinda guy. It’s all he knows really. And besides, I

spent plenty a boring hour with Coryn doing boring ass meditations, or blitzing my chakras, or

being lectured about strings, or universal history, or whatever the hell metaphysical thing was on

his mind that day.”

   “WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MEDITATIONS BEING BORING?!”

   “Oh *censored*…”


         Katsumi pushed through the garage’s side entrance. As the heavy metal door slammed

shut behind her she slung a messenger bag over her shoulder and made for the alley’s end. The

morning was starting out bright and clear, but the heat and humidity could already be felt

crawling against the back of her neck. Stepping into the white light of the day her eyes

readjusted for the glare of the most street. The city was just barely crawling to a start as the sun

rose, she could hear cars cruising along a nearby overpass, and a handful of people were already

wandering the roads, some of which looked like they might still be trying to make it to bed in the

first place.

           “Oh the joys of city life.”

            Scanning the area, Katsumi soon spied a bus stop occupied by a half dozen men and

women dressed in business wear. She hustled to the small enclosure and slid up to the route map

screwed into the metal framework. Locating her position among the mess of colored lines

indicating the travel routes, Katsumi reached into her back and snatched out a heavily folded

piece of paper. Unfurling it and pressing it up against the yellowed plastic of the stop, the paper

was revealed to be a rudimentary map of the city. Katsumi took a moment to compare the two

maps before tracing a path with her finger up to a penciled in mark on her map, labeled only by a

circle with an ‘X’ through its center.

             “About eight kilometers to travel then, looks like the bus route goes right by it.”

             Brakes squealed as the hulking vehicle slid to a stop. Stuffing the map back into her bag,

Katsumi studied the bus as passengers disembarked. It looked well worn and ready to retire

already. Graffiti covered the front wheel well and multiple layers of adverts could be seen

peeling off the sides. Katsumi felt uneasy about the prospect of getting on one of these tired

contraptions, she hated how gas powered vehicles always tended to explode in old movies.

            “Why’d you have to stash yourself in the past? I hate the past…”


            “I would kindly suggest to you Jack Frost, that you don’t disrespect my methods. They

are far more time tested than anything a half trained initiate like you could come up with.”

            “And I would like to remind you that I am still an official member of your organization.”

            “You and I both know very well that you never wanted to be a part of it.”

            “Perhaps, you lot have always been too uptight for me. But it does come with

certain…privileges.”

            “Keep in mind I can always have those revoked.”

            “Please don’t! I take it all back! Did I say I didn't like meditations?! I meant I LOVE

meditations!

             Katsumi had been watching the back and forth for the better part of ten minutes. She had

never been quite sure about Fuji’s relationship to any of the other Five, but she was beginning to

gather that it was generally passive aggressive in a friendly sort of way, as if that made any sense

whatsoever. If there was anything she was truly sure of, it was that immortals were a strange

bunch.

            Sighing, Jack took a few steps back and whipped a towel out of his back pocket. He

rubbed it over his head furiously before pulling it taught and draping it around his neck.

            “Fighting with you is making me break a sweat Teach. So why don’t you stick ‘round

and help out Kat here whilst I find myself a cold shower hm?”
             
            “You do that Ice-man.”

             Jack spun around behind Fuji’s back and danced off while doing physical impressions of

the old master. Fuji either didn’t notice, or more than likely didn’t care, and turned towards

Katsumi.

             “Almost time to head after him then. I can’t say I like the circumstances, but I’d rather

have him back than leaving him vulnerable such as he is.”

             “Do you not agree with his methods?”

              “I don’t agree with most anything he does. But I trust him enough that I keep most

opinions to myself, not that he actually listens to me any more when I don’t of course.”

             “That is understandably frustrating.”

              Fuji sighed and settled himself down onto the stones, his bones cracking as he did.

             “Well you must understand that Coryn holds a special place with me. He was my final

student, the last one I had in me so to speak. His success or failure reflects directly upon my

entire life, all of my experience that went into training him. So to some extent there is a

continuing responsibility.”

               He cast a glance up at the sky. The wispy clouds floated against the blue expanse, all

reflected in Fuji’s grayed eyes.
 
              “The Last Disciple of Fuji wanders still. That’s the polite way of saying he still doesn't

have a damn idea what to do with his life.”

              Katsumi’s brow knotted in confusion, and she sat down as well.

              “I always though he was supposed to be the man with the plan. In both adventures we've

been through together he always seems to have at least some idea on what to do. Nothing much

throws him for a loop.”

                The old man smiled and scratched the back of his head.

               “Well that all comes from practice I suppose. In our line of work there is usually a clear

path set before us. We all develop a certain sense of justice to follow in our lives, and after a

while that’s all there is to it. Follow your gut, and the universe will tell you if you’re doing

something wrong.”

                “How is that?”
         
                “One of us will show up to kill you.”

                 She was taken aback by the severity of the answer, though from the look on Fuji’s face,

he wasn’t too taken with the idea either.

                “So your Order, it’s sort of a universal caretaker then?”

                “You could say that. If you want my opinion it’s more like a butler. We keep all of the

affairs in order, make sure everything runs smoothly and precisely as it’s meant to. The universe

is full of unruly house guests my dear, so there must be someone to escort them from the

premises when need be.”

                   Fuji smiled again and resettled his weight.

                 “Enough of that however, I should probably mention what it is I came out here for.”

                 “We’re moving up schedule aren’t we?”

                 “A very precise response.”

                 “I overheard Moon muttering to himself about some more anomalies. Those are never

signs that we can take it easy and relax some.”

                 “I wasn’t even aware that he muttered to himself in a fashion that was observable to those

outside of his electronic reality.”

                 “He forgets to turn off the sound of the holo-projectors sometimes I think. That’s usually

the first sign that something is weighing on his mind.”

                “‘The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection.’”

                “George Orwell.”

                “Very good, but to the point however: you’re going to need to be ready in three days, as

long as our current predictions don’t change any that is.”

                  Katsumi climbed back to her feet and began walking towards a towel abandoned a few

feet distant.

                 “That will be fine. I’m sure enough in my skills to do what needs done. How about the

other girls though?”

                 “We heard back from Colton and October just now, they’ll be ready as well. I’m sure

you’re anxious to see them after so many months.”

                 “After so many years together, being apart is strange, but I don’t question that it’s

necessary.”

                 “I am glad to hear it. For now though, get cleaned up and then see Moon about the details

for once you arrive.”


                 Katsumi stepped of the wretched excuse for public transportation. She could barely

understand the driver and was fairly certain she’d overpaid, but at least the bus had made it all of

the way in one piece. As she disembarked she found herself surrounded by teenagers trudging

along in the same direction. Three blocks down she could make out rows of yellow school busses

pulling off the street and letting off their student passengers. Taking note of their clothing

however, Katsumi audibly growled.

               “I swear I’m going to kill him when I get back.”

         
               “I’m not wearing it.”

               “Oh common Katsumi, you have to!”

               “NO!”

               Upon reaching the control room Katsumi had been greeting with a mission briefing by

Moon, a messenger bag full of basic supplies, and a school uniform.

              “I’ve seen American movies you dirty minded piece of corrupted data and they do not

where sailor outfits there!”

             “They do in private academies!”

             “And is he attending a private academy?!”

             “…yes.”

             “You lying sack of-!”

             “Katsumi!”

             “Sorry Chiyoko-sensei.”

             Chiyoko had been watching the proceedings from the other side of the central table.

             “If Moon says wear it then wear it. The key is to blend in until you can find Coryn, and

the uniform will help you look all the more like the confused transfer student you will be

portraying.”

              “There really won’t be any acting needed I think…”

              “Regardless, just make sure it fits. I know you never attended school at an age that

required one, but trust me when I say it’s perfectly natural for a girl of your age to don a

uniform.”
     
              “This is humiliating.”

               Moon chuckled.

               “Make sure to take plenty of pictures for me love.”


               “I’m going to ripped out his circuit boards.”
 
              Having done her best to ignore any sideways glances, Katsumi had made her way down

to the school. Thousands of students continued to file past her in wave after wave of humanity.

The busses read: St. Adam’s Public High School, and above the school’s main entrance was a

bronze statue of a Roman Centurion’s helmet. Katsumi pulled on her collar to let her neck

breathe one last time before swallowing deeply and striding into the school. It was time to wake

up her friend.





Formatting on the forum sucks. Why can't the tab key just tab! *falls down and cries*
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on March 24, 2013, 07:45:30 AM
*only noticed the indentation issues after reading it through

Great stuff as always. Typo here or there i'm sure you'll fix (forgot to label which ones.) And otherwise

YES!.

Lots of much needed screen time for Fuji and Jack i see. Jack is already my favourite character so it's good to see a lot of him. Guy went through all sorts of hells it seems.

Katsumi! Impressive as always. I'm not sure if you wrote it but where are the other gals? I miss Samantha...

P.S That fight scene was good stuff. And Miami is really a jarring setting to place. Interesting. And Moon - er never mind i have tonnes of stuff that are broiling in my head i'll end up writing a chapter myself >.>

and once again YES. Another chapter haha! This was fun.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on March 24, 2013, 12:27:36 PM
Thanks lego! I got about half of the chapter looked over for issues before i got distracted by stuff so I can assume there are some lingering mistakes.

As for the other girls, I've just alluded to them being separated for training. But more on that later.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: 50 Words for Paipis on May 22, 2013, 09:40:11 PM
The general writing is much improved, the characters more idiosyncratic, etc. etc. Really great stuff, although, I would say that, despite knowing what you're trying to do with all the switching perspectives, it still seems like it moves from the setting in the third chapter to the setting in the fourth too quickly. Still, I do really like all of the different characters and settings. It reminds me of the Edge Chronicles in the way that it switches settings and follows several different characters.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on May 23, 2013, 01:00:54 AM
I can see where that could be troublesome, but I've read lots of books where they switch setting with each chapter and it felt fine. So maybe it's just more of a personal preference?
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: 50 Words for Paipis on May 23, 2013, 01:16:43 AM
I actually don't really have much of a problem with the setting-to-setting/character-to-character thing. Just how it's proportioned I guess. But proportion is a weird thing in that what might be perceived as a problem could actually be attributed to something completely different. I might have read one chapter faster than the other, or one more analytically than the other. Anyways, this seems a lot more like a novel, so, in that format, you can get away with a lot more of that type of thing. It might be problematic in a manga, though.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on May 23, 2013, 05:28:41 AM
I'm okay with setting switches. Stephen king does a crapload of them in a lot of his books for minor characters and major characters alike. Even a paragraph long setting switch. Tom Clancy too in his Rainbow Six novel. It's definately a technique i'm used to seeing.

Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: 50 Words for Paipis on May 23, 2013, 10:08:39 AM
Yeah, I think I could read it without qualms as a novel. I guess I might have been trying to visualize it as a manga or anime, but there are a lot of novel-intrinsic aspects about it.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on May 23, 2013, 10:50:59 AM
Well that basically sums up my writing style I think. Most of my stories are manga inspired, but the writing is in a novel format, so the two end up clashing together such as they do.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: 50 Words for Paipis on May 23, 2013, 11:33:14 AM
Which makes for a really enjoyable read. I have sort of shied away from novel-like descriptions in my stories (because it's suppose to be a manga), but I think I should do some of that, just to make it more readable. I also think that's one of the reasons why Lego got confused as to what was going on in DL.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on May 23, 2013, 12:18:40 PM
It could be.

As for now my greatest inspiration for writing novels despite them being clearly manga or anime themed is Hideyuki Kikuchi of the Vampire Hunter D Fame. I've got 18 volumes of that series and though the translation has a slight offness to it i'm still referring to it on how to write something like this properly. You should check out at least the first volume guys
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on May 23, 2013, 12:34:45 PM
Well Paipis I think to write a manga in such a medium as I have you sort of need novel-like descriptions. Manga can show these things with pictures, so it's much easier for the reader to keep up with the visualizations. But take those away and suddenly the story becomes a confusing mess.

You need to talk the reader through it, or they just wont be able to see.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: 50 Words for Paipis on May 23, 2013, 01:36:32 PM
I agree. I think I've been sort of lazy, too, with my latest endeavors. Right now though, I'm determined to revise as much as I need to, so that nothing is confusing. Too, I usually like my writing to be very lyrical, and I haven't been doing that with most of my stories lately, and only a little bit with Crom Killet. The present tense only impairs that, but I think there are workarounds.

And Lego: I'll check it out.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on May 31, 2013, 10:26:40 PM
I think I figured it out.

If I need to write chapters that take place from a high schooler's perspective. I need rediscover my high school self.


This is probably gonna hurt some.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: 50 Words for Paipis on May 31, 2013, 11:21:40 PM
Ouch. Dedication, man.

Whenever I write from a serial killer's perspective, I have a similar routine... I just remember the days when I watched Courage the Cowardly Dog and all the sick thoughts flow naturally. :sheep:

Looking forward to more CS.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on June 01, 2013, 04:22:13 AM
This made me chuckle sadly because it's worse for me. But recently I sort of channeled my thoughts into a character. It hurt to admit those were my thoughts but in the end I liked the character that i came up with.

Hope it works out with you, since I really want to see a next chapter.

On the topic of rediscovery though, how clear cut are your memories? Mine are always so fuzzy and hazy. Makes me think i should've really kept a journal better.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on June 01, 2013, 12:02:25 PM
Well i think like all things, there are some memories that stick out more than others. And only when you concentrate on a certain time period can you pull out more of the little stuff.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on June 01, 2013, 07:20:18 PM
Well this is officially the shortest time from one chapter to the next so far.




THE LAST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

Kyle’s back slammed into the hard surface of the cafeteria’s folding table as he slid his backpack

off of his shoulders and onto the adjoining bench. Staring up into the ceiling, he watched as the

clouds glided by the skylight.

   “They really need to send someone up there with a bottle of glass cleaner.”

   “You volunteering?”

   “Hell no, but I like actually being able to see what’s happening around me.”

   Tyler was leaning against an adjacent pillar, his feet crossed as he tapped his foot,

waiting impatiently for the bell to ring.

   “Well, I’m ready for this day to be over with, how ‘bout you?”

   “Meh, it’s not like I’m happy that it’s Monday or anything, but I say sit back and enjoy

your high school stay. It’s not like college isn’t going to be any better.”

   “Some of us might beg to differ. Free time might come in short supply, but said free time

will be much more entertaining. So if you don’t mind I-”

   “SUP BITCHES!”

   Kyle sat up and Tyler twisted his head around the pillar to locate the source of the

outburst. They of course knew full well who the culprit was, and took no surprise to see a short

boy with a mop of curly brown hair, which protruded in all directions from a backwards baseball

cap.

   “I can already see that you ass-hats haven’t done anything interesting this weekend, so

why don’t you just sit tight while I tell you of my most amazing endeavors!”

   There was a loud thud as Kyle once again dropped himself onto the table.

   “Please Robbie, do tell us all about it.”

   His voice was full of sarcasm, but the newest arrival obviously didn’t pay it any heed,

and immediately went into his story.

   “Right, so remember how I told you I had to go to my cousin’s wedding this weekend?

Was supposed to be a total drag right? Well that was true, Friday night’s rehearsal dinner was a

firkin disgrace to the long tradition of gatherings among humans.”

   “I’m sensing a ‘but’.”

   “But then Saturday happened and it blew the *censored* out of whatever you suckers did.

   “There it is.”

   “After the ceremony we had this hotel rented out for the reception. And I met this girl

there who was just *censored*ing gorgeous. Drop dead, head to toes, wonk wonk, nudge nudge, double

tongue click, long whistle.”

   Tyler sighed as he dug a can of espresso out of his backpack.

   “I keep telling you dude, that’s not how you implement onomatopoeias in a sentence.” 

        “Any rate, I know my skills well enough that it wasn’t nothing to walk right on up there

and convince her to fit a little private with yours truly into her schedule.”

        “Let me get this straight? You seduced a girl you met at a wedding. Places which are

basically filled with people who are already your family, or soon to be your family?”
       
        “Point?”

        “Just saying, I think state law might have something to say on the subject, and if it

doesn’t, it really should.”

         Kyle started to snicker, and was about to break out into a full on laughing fit when

Robbie’s foot collided with his unprotected shin.

         “Don’t be assuming that I’m some incestuous bastard here! I made sure to get that *censored*

cleared up from the get go. She was only a friend of the groom’s family. Everything was

kosher.”

          “Whatever you say pal, I just think that…”

          Kyle trailed off as his head rolled over to the side. His eyes began to follow a girl he had

never seen around the school before.

          “Are you guys seeing what I’m seeing?”

          “Is it Susan Anders inappropriately making out with Carl Gilford right in the middle of

everything? Because if so that happens like three times a week bro.”

          “I mean the girl who appears to be walking around dressed as an Asian school girl.”

          Tyler’s interested had been piqued as well, and he soon located the stranger amongst the

crowd as well.

         “Well not to make any rash assumptions, but from the look of her she might actually BE

an Asian school girl?”

          “Isn’t it a little late for new exchange students to be showing up?”

          “Could be a recent immigrant I suppose. What do you think Robbie…Robbie?”

          Both Kyle and Tyler snapped their attention back to where Robbie had been standing

only moments earlier, only to find that he had disappeared without a word to either of them.

Casting confused glances at each other they quickly reached the same conclusion, and after

pointing their heads back in the direction that they had seen the transfer student, quickly noted

that their friend was already giving chase.

          “Am I the only who thinks that Robbie is quite possibly the worst person in the school to

be the first to welcome her?”

           “No Kyle, I believe you are exactly right about that. Common, grab your bag, with some

luck we’ll be able to give her the impression that Americans aren’t all blathering idiots.”


           Katsumi’s mood sunk with the realization that she’d been in the school for approximately

five minutes and she was already lost. Corridors seemed to spawn and disappear off in random

directions, and several stairwells seemed to lead absolutely nowhere at all. The building was an

all around example of poor architecture, but this, she felt, was not her biggest problem, as she

was acutely aware that somebody was following her.

            Taking a few more turns at random, Katsumi did her best to find a part of the school that

wasn’t so densely populated. With luck she found herself heading up a staircase that let out to a

hallway nearly devoid of students. She quickly took a sharp corner at the top of the stairs and

inhaled slowly. Jack had warned her that there was the possibility of her and the other girls being

put on watch due to their association with The Five, but she wasn’t expecting anyone to have

caught up to her already.

             The steps grew louder as they trod up the stairs. Whoever it was would be turning the

corner at any moment. Katsumi took one last glance down the hall to make sure that no one was

watching, and made her move. Reaching out she grabbed her stalker by the neck and spun,

slamming them against the glazed tile of the cool cinderblock wall. Looking down at the small

man Katsumi started her interrogation.

             “Who are you?! Why are you following me?!”

             “Wait a second I don’t-”

             “Are you one of the Hunters?!”

             “I don’t speak Chinese!”

             “What the hell does that have to do with anything?!”

             It suddenly hit Katsumi that she had been yelling at him in Japanese from the get go.

Embarrassment spread across her being as her face filled with blood. After spending a year

learning English she had completely forgotten about the implementation stage. Katsumi’s arms

fell limp at her sides, though the person who she now clearly recognized as a student continued

to keep himself firmly pressed against the wall. She cleared her throat and straightened up, doing

her best not to trip all over her own tongue.

            “I apologize. My name is Katsumi Amano. I am looking for a friend.”

            The young man was still clutching to the wall, but what had started as fear seemed to be

transitioning into outright confusion. Feigning a smile, Katsumi continued.

            “I have not seen him for some time. Can you help me find him?”

            Finally he relaxed and pulled away from the wall. Straightening out his ball cap the

student attempted to regain what was left of his composure.

           “M-my name’s Robert, Robert Singer, but you can call me Robbie. So uh, who is this

friend you’re looking for?”

           “He has blonde hair, and is about two meters tall. His eyes are blue, and his name is C-”

           “HEY ROBBIE, WHERE ARE YOU MAN! JUST LEAVE THE POOR GIRL

ALONE!”

            Recognizing the voice, Katsumi shot her head around the corner. At the bottom of the

stairs stood the one she was looking for. Kyle was wearing a green T-shirt and a pair of worn out

cargo pants. His feet were bare but she spotted a pair of leather flip flops tucked into the side

pocket of his bag. Before she was spotted Katsumi ducked back around the corner and

confronted Robbie again.

           “That is him.”

           “What, you mean Kyle? Sure about that?”

           “His hair is shorter and his features are not as well kept. But that is him.”

           “Wanna go say ‘Hi’ then?”

           “I am afraid he will recognize me.”

           “Well that happens after a long time doll, but trust me, all you gotta do is-”

           Kyle burst around the corner.

           “So that’s where you two were hiding! Robbie what did I tell you about intimidating the

exchange students? Do I have to remind you about what happened with Amelia last year?”

          Robbie chuckled nervously.

          “Trust me on this one bro, I’m not the one doing the intimidating.”

          “Save it man. But since you’re all already acquainted, why don’t you introduce me to

her?”

          “Uh, right, Kyle this is Kasumi, Kasumi this is Kyle.”

          Katsumi smiled while resisting the urge to immediately break out the locket. She knew

what needed to be done, but she knew it was equally important to keep things quiet.

          “It is Katsumi actually. Not Kasumi.”

          “Oh! Konichiwa then! I took an online class in Asian languages last year actually. Maybe

you could help me brush up on my Japanese?”

          “Um, yes, I would like that very much.”

          Robbie pushed his way in between the two while tapping the face of his watch.

          “Hate to break up this really touching scene but class starts in about five minutes, and

          Kyle you might just happen to remember that your first class is on the other side of the building

this semester.”

          “Ah *censored*, right, well I’ll catch up with you at lunch Robbie. I hope to see you around as

well Katsumi.”

          Kyle took back off down the stairs, his backpack slapping against this lower back with

each step before finally disappearing from view. Robbie yelled back at him once more about

putting back on his ‘man-flops’ before he got yelled at again before turning back to Katsumi.

          “Look, don’t take it personally that he didn’t recognize you. It’s not that he’s met too

many Japanese girls named Katsumi before I’m sure, it’s just that guy seriously can’t remember

a person to save his life. Hell I don’t think he could pick me out of a crowd until about a year

after we started hanging out. So don’t take it personally or nothing.”

          “Yes, I believe you. I will try and talk to him later about things.”

           Feeling satisfied with the outcome of the conversation, Robbie excused himself and

headed back into the school, leaving Katsumi standing alone in the darkened hallway. Thoughts

swirled in her mind as she reached into her back and pulled out the small bronze locket Coryn

had entrusted to her over a year ago. She ran her fingers over his engraved initials before turning

her attention back to the matter at hand and re-depositing it in the bag.

           “Let’s just hope that when I do he’ll at least humor me long enough for this to work.”
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on June 02, 2013, 12:52:05 AM
Read this on the bus... Great for a sendoff.

It feels sort of bracingly real, you know? Like it's happening in an as normal place as can be. How lost Katsumi seemed in the whole setting and such.

Dialogue and character in here were convincing  as hell, and to be honest I didn't even have time to nit-pick at anything.

So it is revealed. To be honest I didn't want to hazard a guess. I even thought it was Robbie for a second!

Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on June 02, 2013, 01:53:51 AM
Honestly I wasn't exactly trying to mask the fact. Of the two students that got introduced in the second chapter, only one fits Coryn's description, and he's the one we follow from the get go. I even put in a similar name for him. I think perhaps you were expecting me to be sneaky about things?

Thanks for the comment about realness though. Though I suspect that spending four years in an american high school, meant it wasn't too much of a stretch to write about an american high school. I just kinda thought about the people I knew at the time, and it made writing them easier.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: 50 Words for Paipis on June 02, 2013, 09:12:53 AM
Yeah, it didn't seem like the reveal was a twist, necessarily. Just confirmation.

Good chapter. Things are being developed nicely.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on June 02, 2013, 05:05:36 PM
It was my bad this time around, but I think with trilogies you always have to be careful not to trust your guesses. For one thing trilogies wrap up things, so very possibly main characters may die.

Also, as coryn said in beta:

FID: Lego, I pride myself on being being an unpredictable story teller.

Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on June 02, 2013, 05:25:22 PM
Well yes, but building to one thing then doing the opposite really isn't the most impressive way to have a twist is it? The best twist are the ones you never see coming, but on retrospect should have been obvious. Or short of that, are just completely unpredictable.

So if it seems like I'm leading you to a conclusion, I probably actually am leading you to that particular conclusion.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: 50 Words for Paipis on June 02, 2013, 06:01:27 PM
^Words of wisdom. Lego has a point, though. Some writers get "series-itis" and put a ton of illogical twists in the last book/arc/etc., although I wouldn't suspect Coryn of such a thing.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on June 03, 2013, 01:18:02 AM
Well there shouldn't be anything illogical in there. Though I think that you all will be the judge of that in the end.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on July 22, 2013, 08:20:56 PM
Gah...I feel like this is going to be the worse chapter you've ever read. Excuse my terrible writing...


LOCK AND KEY

Katsumi spent the next four hours hiding in the janitor’s closet. As she had never actually been

enrolled at the school, she didn’t exactly have a place to go during class times, and needed a safe

haven to pass the time. She would spend the passing periods studying the building’s layout and

tagging along behind Kyle at a safe distance. There was no telling how long it might take to

implement the plan, and the more she knew about her surroundings the better. Finally however

at eleven o’clock, the students began flooding into the cafeteria for lunch. Katsumi slipped back

into the throngs and before long found herself back in the sky-lit dining hall.

   Across the room, Kyle and his friends slipped onto the long benches of a folding table

and let their trays clatter down. Chicken tenders and mashed potatoes slid into each other as the

trays’ momentum came to a halt. Several carrots were lost as Kyle opted to save his milk instead,

but that was par for the course since he had never cared much for them, and only ever let them

grace his plate due to school and state regulations over healthy eating.

   Following the orange disc with his eyes, Kyle watched as it rolled between the feet of his

new acquaintance. His eyes rolled up her body until meeting Katsumi’s face which was filled

with a strange sort of apprehension.

   “Nervous about your first day I’m guessing?”

   “Umm…Yes, I am…”

   “Well don’t be, we’re all pretty nice for the most part.”

   Kyle winked at hurt and scooted a few inches away on the bench.

   “Have a seat with us, better than awkwardly asking around right?”

   “Thank you, I will.”

   Katsumi sat herself down next to Kyle and a small shiver ran down her back. No matter

how she approached him about the locket, it would almost certainly not be graceful. Being

forceful would be the quickest and easiest route to take, but that would blow both her cover sky

high and no doubt send the school into chaos. She could wait until after the school day ended and

find him alone at some point along his way home, but every moment she waited the chance of

discovery increased. Alternatively she could always-.

   “Hey Katsumi?”

   Her head shot up and turned towards Kyle. He was staring at her with interest, a half

eaten piece of chicken between his fingers.

   “Uh… yes?”

   “Do you actually have a lunch? You need any help running through the lunch line?”

   “Oh…No, I brought my own food.”

   Reaching into the messenger bag, Katsumi rifled through it for a few moments before

hauling out a bottled protein shake and some granola bars.

   “Thank you for your concern.”

   “Yeah sure, anytime…”


   At that same time, and roughly sixty miles above the surface of the Earth, Jaska Baranski

gripped the safety handles of his ship’s primary airlock, he wore what resembled a suit of

futuristic European plate armor, scorched black from what must have been truly extreme heat.

The planet stood like a massive blue jewel beneath him, drifting silently in the void of space.

Slowly the intercom system crackled to life and Alsace’s voice filled Jaska’s ears.

   “Well there you have it. Assuming the secondary energy signature we started picking up

is indeed at Coryn’s location, then you’ll find him in Miami. You’ve got a bit of a storm rolling

in from the Atlantic but nothing too serious. Want me to run the exact coordinates past you

again?”

   “No need, I’ll be able to feel them out for myself once I’m close enough.”

   “Have it your way, we’ll be above the drop point in a few moments, opening the outer

door in five.”

   Jaska smiled beneath the reflective visor of his helmet, his breath fogging up in the cold.

   “Come out, come out, wherever you are, The Spider has come to play.”


   Robbie leaned across the table, scooping Kyle’s remaining carrots onto his tray.

   “So Katsumi, what brings you to our neck of the woods?”

   “My father is an American business man. He wanted me to come learn from an American

school for the year.”

   “Does that mean you’ve visited before then?”

   “Yes, I was last here several years ago.”

   “Have any old friends you’re pining to see?”

   He winked at Katsumi before jostling his fork towards Kyle, who was preoccupied with

scooping up mashed potatoes with a chicken tender. Katsumi tried to avoid eye contact and

busied herself with her granola bar.

   “Yes, you could say that.”


   The airlock doors slid open in front of Jaska, and the last remnants of air rushed out into

the black.

   “Your decent will take approximately eighteen minutes. Do try to make it to the

extraction point in one piece.”

   “How do I know you won’t just leave me to rot down there?”

   “The devil you know.”

   “Fine point Alsace. I’ll see you this afternoon.”

   Jaska took a running leap out of his ship, launching himself into the void of space. Small

thrusters lit up across the entire suit and sharply redirected his course, sending him hurtling in an

arc that would ultimately land him right on top of Coryn.

   
   Katsumi studied the clock hanging at the far end of the cafeteria while chewing a large

bite of granola. She would need to get Coryn to keep still with the locket for several minutes for

a complete imprint, but she doubted his persona of Kyle would be willing to be subjected to that.

Kyle was normal. Kyle was average. Regular people don’t just sit in understanding when they’re

told they have the memories of a ten-thousand year old immortal locked within their brain. She

would need some way of convincing him without scaring him off, and baring that, she needed a

time and place to capture him that wouldn’t raise suspicion.

   
   Jaska watched as the temperature readout on his visor began to climb, gradually pushing

his way into the high atmosphere of the planet.

Fifteen minutes until impact.


   The three boys had finished their food and stacked up their trays in the center of the table.

Kyle stretched out and ended up leaning his back against a concrete pillar that stood adjacent to

the bench.

   “I don’t know about you lot but I think I’ll take a nice nap before classes resume.”

Tyler leaned his elbow against the table, propping his head up with an open hand.

         “How do you even plan to do that with the noise in here? I swear it’s like we’re going to

school with a pack of howler monkeys.”

   “Ah but you forget, I have the superpower to sleep anywhere I so choose.”

   “That’s not a superpower, that’s extreme laziness.”

   “And what are superpowers if not normal abilities taken to their maximum?”

   “Fictional.”

   Katsumi almost chocked on the last of her granola bar. It wasn’t a very humorous

statement, but she found it satisfyingly ironic for Coryn to be lectured on the absurdity of such

things like superpowers. She imagined the real Coryn would spout off something he found to be

deep, clever, or both, before showing off with some demonstration or the other. Then again, it

might be just as likely for him to keep a lid on it. After all, she had never once seen him interact

with a universe that wasn’t in some spectacular state of discord. Even after having made a habit

of saving reality together, she knew all but nothing about what could be considered his normal

day to day.


   Readings now showed that Jaska had penetrated the stratosphere. His suit temperatures

had soared into the red and the bright orange glow emanating from his very body caused him to

squeeze his eyes shut, the tinted visor doing little to keep the light out. Sound still poured into

Jaska’s ears however. The roar of re-entry blocked out everything but the creaking of the suit, its

joints barely holding together under the massive force.

         Eight minutes until impact.

   Time was ticking away on the clock, now indicating only fifteen minutes left in the lunch

period. The group had taken to playing a game of ‘Spin the Quarter’ while bemoaning an

upcoming algebra test. Having no input on the subject of mathematics, Katsumi found herself

content to keep knocking the quarter away from her when it came in her direction. While she was

certain the silver coin was spinning at blistering speeds, to Katsumi its rotation seemed slow and

dull. Over the past year of training she had slowly become acclimated to the fact that time no

longer flowed at the mostly constant rate that she had enjoyed for much of her life. Her

perceptions had changed so dramatically that she sometimes found herself living in a slow

motion universe. Luckily Katsumi’s control over the phenomenon was gradually increasing, and

she could at least turn it on at will, but it still bothered her to no end that she had yet to fully

master it.

   Of course whenever she brought it up, Jack and the other members of The Five would

simply advise her to ‘slow down’, that it was just a result of her latent control of enix exceeding

her conscious control, forcing her mind and body to outpace much of the rest of the universe.

She had been told that the other girls had been experiencing a similar problem as well, but since

the four of them had been kept separate for the most part this past year, there had been no time to

exchange notes.


   Jaska had broken through into the lowest level of atmosphere and the air was hitting him

like a brick. His decent slowed dramatically but he pulled himself into a streamlined shape and

continued on. The suit would soon disengaged and reveal his energy signature, he needed to

close as much distance as possible before that occurred.

   Four minutes until impact.

   Laying her head against the table, Katsumi kept watch on the coin, silently going over a

plan to segregate Kyle from his friends while waiting for time to shift back to its normal flow.

   “Subterfuge or force, seem to be my only two options. If I try to convince him to do it of

his own free will there is a good chance he’ll react negatively, and I’ll have to use force

anyways. On the other hand it could allow me to make my move much sooner. Then again…”


   Katsumi flicked the coin back towards Tyler, hoping her movements didn’t appear too

jerky to those operating at normal speed.

   “Fuji always advocated non-interference, and it would be easy enough to snatch him up

once he’s alone somewhere. Asking to talk to him in private would be too forward. I don’t even

know what I’d say to him if he questioned me. I’ll just have to wait until he provides the

opportunity. At the very latest I’ll take him in his sleep tonight.”


   Drawing her eyes shut, Katsumi rubbed her temple.

   “Why couldn’t they have sent me here with an actual plan? I’m no good at this ‘make it

up as you go’ thing…”


   “Umm… Katsumi?”

   Katsumi shot straight up in her seat as time suddenly shifted back to normal, only to find

Kyle staring at her with a concerned look on his face.

   “What is it?!”

   “Are we boring you here? You seemed kinda out of it.”

   “Umm… No. Well yes. I am just very tired. I am still adjusting to the change in time

zones.”

   “Ah, so you really did just get here didn’t you?”


   The joints of Jaska’s suit sprung to life. Rotating and unlocking themselves, they burst

open and fell away from his body, flying on ahead of him as he pulled back and spread out,

catching enough wind to slow himself down to a more survivable speed. Jaska could clearly see

the city spread out before him, and the scent he had caught off Coryn’s energy trail now felt like

a pulsing beacon. Finally as the last of the suit broke away, Jaska’s mass of silver hair and red

long coat were caught by the wind, bringing a sharp smile to his face.

   One minute to impact.


   Katsumi leapt to her feat as a massive chill ran down her back. She was suddenly aware

of a massive energy signature approaching at a ludicrous speed.

   “Something is coming this way! You all need to get out of here right now!”

   Kyle had hopped off of the bench as well, but was just as confused as the rest of the

crowd.

   “Katsumi what the hell are you going on about?!”

   Wasting no time, Katsumi tore at her scarf and took hold of the bronze locket hanging

around her neck. With a quick jerk she shattered the chain that held it in place and thrust the

trinket into Kyle’s face.

   “I don’t have time to explain but you need to open this locket right now!”

   “Listen I don’t-.”

   Time had run out. Still burning chunks of re-entry suit crashed through the glass roof, and

walls of the cafeteria. Glass and rubble shot out in all directions, cutting down stunned students

and faculty. Seeing that her time was completely out, Katsumi reached for the locket’s latch, but

just before she could get her fingers around it a massive chunk of suit slammed down into their

table, abruptly launching Katsumi into the nearby pillar, and scatting Kyle and his friends into

the gathering dust cloud.

   Katsumi could feel her neck snap as she hit the pillar. She could feel that it wasn’t broken

but more importantly she was suddenly aware that the locket had flown from her hand during the

impact. Fighting to stay conscious she pulled her head back up and scanned the room. Most of

the students were fleeing in a panic. A small few were trying to help their friends, and at least a

dozen seemed to be paralyzed with shock. She estimated that roughly a hundred dead littered the

room, but all she cared about was Kyle’s safety, if he died, Coryn died with him.

   Trying to pick her body back up, Katsumi was quickly thwarted in her plans as one last

object slammed through the roof and onto the tile floor. The ensuing shock wave planted

Katsumi back against the pillar again, and looking up she tried to rationalize what she was

seeing.

   A lanky man who towered at least six and a half feet tall stood before her, silver hair

obscuring his face. He wore what looked like the coat of a naval captain from the eighteenth

century, though the sleeves seemed to have been hemmed all the way back to his elbows. Blood

began pouring into the shallow crater he had created, a grim match with the hue of his coat.

   Jaska lifted his head up, yellow eyes gleaming in the midday sun. Instantly he found

himself concentrated on a boy crumpled up against the base of a shattered wall. The Spider had

found its quarry.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on July 23, 2013, 01:40:58 PM
That went pretty well with me to be honest, but i guess i'm not really that reliable of a critic for these kinds of things. The switches between the two wasn't disorienting, and the fact that real real people in a school died just like that was a bit of a shock. I thought Katsumi was more naive and innocent to brush off deaths like that, but i guess she likes Coryn that much huh.

This Jasker person looks like an interesting fellow. Looking forward to see how it pans out as always.

On this energy signature thing, does enix act like reiatsu to an extent? I know it's like the fabric of everything but when a powerful enix user exists they have a higher potential of enix in them right? It's not purely like a quincy simply manipulates energy? (Dunno if you get what i'm asking...)
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on July 23, 2013, 02:39:34 PM
Yeah, let me explain some, first though, it's "Jaska" not "Jasker". I actually had a substantial background written out for him about two years ago, nice to finally get him into the mix.


Any rate. Enix is as you say the fabric of reality, and to this extent, it also makes up a person, and what one might call the 'soul'. As such, all beings in existence carry an energy signature unique to them. Much in the same way that the majority of creatures have their own unique sequence of dna. So for those who can sense enix, an individual's energy signature can be read like a name on paper. So in this case we have Jaska picking up Coryn's energy signature, which he recognizes as belonging to Coryn, as well a second energy signature belonging to Katsumi which he can't identify. So while he can recognize that there is a signature, he can't say who she is, simply because they haven't met before. In essence, you can think of it as a serial number being broadcasts at all times, and if you know who the number belongs to, you know who you're dealing with.

As far as potential goes, you can think of it as the same as any ability in real life. A certain person may be predisposed to running quickly or lifting heavy objects based on their physical build, but that's not to say they can't become skilled in another category. Similarly, anyone can become skilled in the use of enix, in fact in this universe i've created, it isn't all that uncommon, but there are those who will have to work much harder at it than others. There of course are those who would more than likely never gain even the slightest of enix control, but the reasons for that will be touched on later. Suffice to say, it is not strictly impossible for anyone, however for some it is overwhelmingly unlikely, while others are more predisposed to it.

And as for Katsumi ignoring the others, it's not that there is a fondness for Coryn outweighing everything else, it's just that she recognizes that Coryn (or if we're being technically correct here: Kyle), is more important in this situation. After all we know that she wouldn't come to retrieve him without a good reason, and he is at this moment mortal. So yeah, just know that the situation requires what one might call, "The Vulcan Approach."
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: 50 Words for Paipis on July 29, 2013, 06:52:48 PM
I would have liked more description of the Jaska scenes because they were the most interesting. The other scenes didn't interest me as much and knocked me out of the story. Otherwise, it was a great "coming-together'' of two plotlines. I am interested in seeing some of the god mythology somewhere along the line.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on July 29, 2013, 08:30:05 PM
Yeah, I tried to flesh out the Jaska bits as much as I could, but really, he's just falling from real high up. There's only so much to go on, I thought it better to try and bring previous characters back into focus.

But I get what you mean though. I wish is fit together better as a whole. I wrote this thing in like 3 parts, so it was a mess from the beginning.

Though I've warmed up a bit with this chapter I think, so hopefully I can keep going and break out of this writer's block.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: 50 Words for Paipis on July 29, 2013, 09:21:11 PM
When in doubt, try and find a theme in the story. The best stories have them, and they can guide you a long during writer's block, I've discovered.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on July 30, 2013, 09:05:28 AM
Well it's not like I don't have a theme set out or anything. Really for me writer's block is less about "oh god I have no inspiration" and more "I'm so busy with other stuff that I don't have time to actually consider my story"
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on August 05, 2013, 06:21:26 PM
Who has two thumbs, and is on a roll?! THIS GUY!


Seriously though, two weeks is my record for this arc. I might be finally getting back at it.

Oh yeah, two parter as well it seems. Not enough space in just one post.



THE ITSY BITSY SPIDER

Katsumi watched as the new arrival slinked over to Kyle’s unconscious body. Carefully marking

his features, she made assessments. In addition to his apparently custom coat, he wore black

armor from his knees on down, similar in design to that of the Hunter’s Guild. His shoulders

seemed to bulge out under his coat, most likely extra armor given the coat didn’t seem designed

to incorporate it. Strangely, the rest of his clothes seemed to mimic a time long past. A loose,

white button up shirt hung open and tucked into his brown leather pants, revealing a well

sculpted figure. Around his waist, covering up the majority of his abdominals, was an

abnormally thick leather belt with a golden buckle, and wrapping around the belt and then falling

down over his right thigh, was a black sash. Finally, he wore a large, silver, hoop bracelet on

each wrist, which bounced around as he walked. Interestingly, he seemed unarmed, though

Katsumi noted that this was hardly indicative of how dangerous he was.

   Jaska knelt down and looked over the blond haired boy. After a few moments of silence

he grabbed Kyle by the neck and hoisted him up in the air, then proceeded to slam him up

against the wall, continuing his observations.

   “I finally get what most would call a pristine opportunity, and wouldn’t you know it? I

can’t do it.”

   Swinging his arm out to the side, Jaska tossed Kyle onto a pile of rubble, and turned back

towards Katsumi, rubbing his temples as he did.

   “Fifty some odd years since our last run in, and finally I find you. Just barely, but I find

you. And to my surprise, you are practically served up on a silver platter!”

   Jaska spun back around and rushed over to Kyle, throwing his arms around in frustration.

   “But it’s not even you! You’re wearing some kid!”

   Throwing his whole body into the motion, Jaska spun around for the third time and

stumbled back into the cafeteria proper, collapsing onto a folding table in overly dramatic

fashion. Gathering a fist he closed his eyes and spoke, the tone of his voice having gained a new

note of gravitas.

   “God has given you one face, and you make yourself another!”

   After several moments of holding his pose, Jaska tentatively opened up his left eye,

looking at Katsumi for a moment before pulling it shut again. He waited again but after he failed

to get a response he flipped his body around and dropped down onto the bench.

   “That was from Hamlet by the way, don’t you know anything about Shakespeare?”

   “I…”

   “Ah but of course, I have neglected to introduce myself. I am Jaska Baranski, Son of

Kostya, also known as The Black Widower, also simply as The Spider, a pleasure to make your

acquaintance. And you are?”

   Not sensing that she was in immediate danger, Katsumi planted her feet against the

ground and pushed herself but the column, still somewhat stunned from the initial impact.

   “My name is Katsumi Amano.”

   “Ah! What a beautiful name! You are Japanese by blood then? Are you fluent in the

language?”

   “I am.”

   “Excellent!”

   Jaska had switched languages, and Katsumi could already tell that he spoke with a thick

accent, but she was relieved to be able to converse naturally again.

   “I’d wager that you’re a Russian judging from the name, but then again, I don’t even

know if you’re from Earth.”

   “Well, you’re correct in assuming that you’re guess loses some probability considering

the world I currently reside in, but you are nevertheless correct! I was born in a frigid Siberian

village, though my family did originate in Japan many thousands of years ago, but I am far too

removed to claim any real genetic allegiance.”

   The Spider leaned in, studying Katsumi’s features with his yellowed eyes.

   “However, I am most interested in you. My sensors picked you up this morning, and I

found it intriguing that another enix user had made it here before me. Are you with the Guild, A

freelancer? What do you want with Coryn Sken?”

   Katsumi straightened up, gathering her strength and pushing the throbbing of her head from her mind,

she replied.

   “I’m his friend, and I’m here to bring him back to where he’s needed.”

   “I see.”

   Leaping to his feet Jaska made his way towards Katsumi. Before reaching her he broke

off to the right and began circling the pillar.

   “I’ve never been able to keep my timeline synced up with his, we’re always finding each

other at different rates. Sometimes it’s been a hundred years for him and only one for me,

sometimes it’s the other way around, he is a most elusive prey in that respect. But I have learned

one important thing: He has a lot of people he considers friends, but far fewer who are friends to

him. In other words…”

   Jaska leaned close to Katsumi’s face, and whispered into her ear.

   “If you think of him as a friend, you must surely be of importance to him. He always

values those like yourself more than others.”

   Once again pulling back, Jaska continued his pacing.

   “Not that I blame him. He and those like him gather much ire from the universe, it’s not

unwise to take allies wherever you may find them. Though for a being supposedly sworn to

protect the whole of existence, it almost seems hypocritical wouldn’t you say?”

   Jaska stopped on the opposite side of column, and looking down at Kyle, leaned his back

against the cold concrete.

   “But let’s cut to the chase. Firstly: I want you to know that I intend to kill Coryn once he

wakes up. Secondly: I am much too strong for you to defeat me. I have the sneaking suspicion

that you will attempt to protect him, so just realize that if you do, you won’t be leaving alive.”

   “So you’re just going to kill the defenseless kid who currently controls that body?”

   “Oh no, you misunderstand. I am here to kill Coryn, no one else. But as he apparently has

forgotten to mention it, I will tell you. When Sken enters such a state, he has a failsafe, a mental

mechanism that keeps him from being killed. If his body comes under fatal danger, the failsafe is

activated, and at the last second, the true Coryn will always emerge.”

   “That won’t work this time, he’s hidden himself too deep.”

   “Perhaps you are telling me the truth, perhaps not. But I’ve awoken him before, I know

that it works under normal circumstances. I find it unlikely that he would actually leave himself

truly mortal.”

   A groan permeated the chaos filling the school, and as Kyle began to stir Jaska stepped

forwards to him once again.

   “Wakey wakey, hands off snakey.”

   Straining to get back up, Kyle only managed to push himself up a few inches before

collapsing again. He tilted up his head to look at Jaska, sheer terror in his eyes.

   “What…who the Hell are you?!”

   “Oh don’t mind me kid. I’m looking for someone else.”

   Jaska’s bracelets sprung to life with a quick electric pulse from both of them. They

seemed to unfold, expanding out, larger and larger, as if to defy the laws of physics and matter.

Growing quickly, they soon formed what resembled the unholy spawn of a chainsaw and a Zippo

lighter. Covering his entire forearm on each side, the chainsaw like blade stuck straight out, as if

becoming an extension of the arm itself, though surprisingly, the blades appeared toothless.

Sitting directly adjacent to the blades, was a large, rectangular barrel, starting as a solid plate but

then having several cooling holes punched out near the barrel’s end.

   His hands now completely encased, Jaska motioned with his alien weapons as he spoke.

   “Please stay out of my way Amano-kun. I wouldn’t want to hurt you in any of this. My

fight lies with Sken alone.”

   He raised his right arm above his head, and a sharp whirling noise started up from within

the weapon. A faint purple glow began emanating from the deep groove along the edge of the

saw blade, and as the noise grew ever louder, so did the brightness of the glow increase. Finally

the high pitch whirl sputtered and became a loud roaring, and to accompany this change,

hundreds of jagged teeth erupted from the blade. Made of purple energy, they took on the rough

outline of a traditional chainsaw chain, though they were easily three times the average size.

   “Come out Sken!”

   
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on August 05, 2013, 06:21:42 PM
         The blade went into full spin, turning from easily discernable teeth, into an unbroken loop

of purple energy. Seeing that his weapon was ready, Jaska swung down, ready to slice Kyle

clean in two. Out of nowhere however appeared Katsumi. She still wore her school uniform, but

her red hilted katana was in her hands, and a moment later was blocking the path of Jaska’s

attack. Purple sparks sprayed off in all directions, outshining anything else on the cloudy day and

throwing up dancing shadows against shattered walls. Jaska smiled at Katsumi however, his face

full of confidence.

   “I’m beginning to think you actually believe yourself. If that’s indeed the case, I’m afraid

I can no longer overlook you.”

   Jaska spun up his second saw-blade and swung at Katsumi from the side, but she released

pressure with her sword and stepped back in time to avoid being cleaved in two. With Jaska’s

weight now being thrown off to his right, Katsumi lunged at him, but Jaska quickly ducked and

bashed his shoulder against Katsumi’s blade, sending them both staggering off to the side, trying

to regain their balance.

   Red energy erupted around Katsumi’s feet and flared up to the ceiling. Jaska watched

smugly as she steadily raised her energy level.

   “Well, nothing like a little warm up I guess.”

   A pillar of brilliant orange shot up around Jaska, in a display that easily equaled the show

Katsumi was putting on. For several moments an intense stare-down took place, each opponent

contemplating whether or not to make the first move.

   Jaska was the first to break form. He rushed Katsumi with both saws dragging on the

ground behind him. Once he was nearly in range, Jaska dropped one knee to the ground and slid

the last few feet. Swinging both arms in a scissor like formation, Jaska revved up both saws to

maximum, but soon found his arms wrapping back around his body as Katsumi leapt up into the

air, gracefully flying right over Jaska’s head.

   Landing behind the crouched assassin, Katsumi brought up her blade and made an

attempt to plunge it right into Jaska’s back. Using his position to his advantage though, Jaska

stretched out his body, arching his back and throwing up his blades in an ‘X’ formation. The

result was Jaska being bent completely over backwards, but he had successfully blocked the

attack.

   Without breaking weapon lock, Jaska craned his head around to get a better look at

Katsumi.

   “Nice panties girly.”

   Pulling back, Katsumi spun around to her right and swung a kick at Jaska’s exposed side.

Before she could make contact however, Jaska let his saws fall to the ground. When the teeth

made contact with the tiled floor, Jaska was sent sliding out of the line of fire. Once he was

several dozen feet away, Jaska pulled up his saws and let the momentum push him back onto his

feet.

   “Now that’s just unfair. When you get to be my age you don’t find that many eligible

suitors who aren’t a couple hundred years in either direction. Age really does lose all meaning.”

   With a pair of nearly un-observable slashes to the side, Jaska sliced free a section of

concrete pillar. Leaping into the air with a twist of his body, Jaska quickly turned horizontal and

sent one of his armored boots into the cut out section. As the massive chunk of concrete hurtled

in Katsumi’s direction, she dropped to the ground and stretched herself out against the shattered

glass and debris. The cylinder passed over her harmlessly, though it only missed by a few inches.

As soon as the danger was past however, Katsumi jumped back up and flung herself at Jaska.

Maintaining a continual barrage of strikes, she pushed the assassin back up against the

wall of the cafeteria. She forced Jaska to absorb a few more strikes before pulling her body back

in anticipation of a major strike. Before her opponent could make his move, Katsumi flooded her

blade with energy, causing it to pulsate red. Just as Jaska began to move she struck.

Unfortunately, her aim was unsteady from the extra force she was exerting, and instead of

landing a decisive strike, Katsumi’s sword glanced off of the side of Jaska’s weapon.

   The point of the blade easily penetrated the cinderblock wall, and moments later the

whole of it was blown away. Katsumi quickly perceived a sound emanating from the building

around her, not unlike that of a screeching child. A moment later both combatants were flinging

themselves out of harm’s way as a section of the school collapsed down around their ears. Jaska

retreated to the main atrium of the cafeteria, while Katsumi stopped for a moment to snatch Kyle

up off the ground, and place him in the relatively safety of the mouth of a nearby hallway.

   Jaska violently shook both shoulders and sent dust and rubble flying off of his body. A

layer of dust still floated a few feet off the ground, but the building seemed to return to a

relatively stable position.

   “Well aren’t you interesting. Tell me why don’t you, how the two of you met.”

   “Sorry, but I have trouble sharing with others.”

   “Bit of a downer you are you know that? How about I start, warm you up to the idea.”

   The saw blades revved back up as Jaska jumped into the air. Sticking his arms out to the

right the teeth made firm purchase of a concrete support beam, which allowed Jaska to start

traveling along the ceiling and towards Katsumi.

   “I was sixty-six at the time! My people age particularly slow, so really I was just a

youngster!”

   Jaska slammed his boots against the beam and shot down towards Katsumi. Bringing

both arms together he slammed his blades down in front of Katsumi’s feet, the resulting

shockwave sent her flying through the corner of a cinderblock wall, and into an nearby

hallway.

   “I was doing rather well if I do say so myself. After a series of misadventures I had

accrued my own pirate fleet. Times were good.”

   Pushing through the rubble Jaska swung towards Katsumi. Raising her sword she

deflected the first attack, but Jaska grazed her with a second. With his momentum used up

however, Katsumi took her chance and started retaliating. Jaska made no attempt to intercept her

blade however, opting instead to keep hopping backwards across the cafeteria.

   “One day we were doing a routine cruise ship holdup. Aristocrats, high ranking Alliance

members, you know, the usual fare. This one guy though, wore the uniform of an Alliance

Commander.”

   With a sudden back-flip, Jaska sent a football sized chunk of concrete flying Katsumi’s

way. She dodged easily buck the move landed Jaska behind a large pile of debris. Shoving both

saws into the pile, Jaska created a maelstrom of broken building directed straight at Katsumi. She

dropped to a knee and stabbed her sword into the tiled floor. As the projectiles reached her they

came into contact with a bubble of red energy, which redirected the missiles in all directions.

Despite the setback, Jaska kept on delivering on both the attack and the narrative.

   “Well he didn’t give us any trouble at first. Most Alliance officers are cowards after all,

so we weren’t suspicious when he did his best to not draw attraction. Should’ve known better...”

   Finally giving up, Jaska flipped back over the rubble pile and landed on the tips of his

saw blades. He quickly readjusted their positioning however and started the teeth spinning. All at

once Jaska became a whirling blur, one which was headed directly for Katsumi. She drew her

sword back up just in time to start deflected Jaska’s attacks. He had pulled his legs apart and

become a living, kicking typhoon. Katsumi was helpless to do anything other but keep

defending, but the onslaught was short, and Jaska soon slowed enough that Katsumi could jump

back and out of harm’s way. Jaska however remained balanced on the tips of his saws.

   “Once most of my men had moved away to clear the cargo holds, Coryn made his move.

Wasn’t long before he had taken back the liner, and after that he crossed right onto my flagship.”

Once again he advanced, this time in a straight line, but the purpose of his heavy boots

had become apparent. The Spider seemed to be a master of this strange form of combat. Using

the spinning teeth of his saw as his only form of locomotion freed Jaska to use his armored legs

with extreme efficiency, delivering all manner of attack. It was soon obvious however that this

style took an extreme toll on Jaska’s body, as he began sweating profusely. The increased power

of his attacks was tremendous, but before long he had slowed down enough that Katsumi no

longer had any trouble avoiding them. Finally Jaska came to a halt, his body seemed to slump

over. His back was curved backwards at an extreme angle, but Jaska was seemingly unfazed.

       “Of course he defeated me handedly. It’d be foolish to think anything otherwise. But

what really got to me was what he did afterwards.”

        Jaska’s back bent even farther until his feet were on the ground. Finally lifting his blades

off the ground, Jaska returned to a normal posture.
       
         “Once he had made it back to Alliance space, Honorary Commander Coryn Sken sent the

hounds after me. Wasn’t long before my fleet was burning and my crews were dead or jailed. In

the end, he captured me personally.”

          “So what, this is nothing but some stupid revenge trip?”
 
          “Well, when you say it like that, it makes it all sound so petty. But you know, more than

revenge, I just want something worthwhile to do with my time.”

           Without warning, a foot long piece of torn rebar slammed into the side of Jaska’s head.

As a small trickle of blood started dripping down around his ear, Jaska twisted his head around to

get a good look at his aggressor.

             Standing in the partially ruined hallway where Katsumi had left him, Kyle was already

holding up a chunk of concrete to use as a second projectile. As soon as his eyes met those of his

assassin however, the rocked slipped from his grasp and smashed against the floor. Slowly

dropping his arm, Kyle seemed paralyzed with fear.

          “You…you two are crazy…I’m crazy. I’ve got to be crazy. This is just some messed up,

wack jack dream.”

          “Sorry kid, but we’re all real in here. Things would be a lot easier for you though if you

just let me take you out. As soon as Coryn is back at the controls, we can end this quick as you

like.”

          “You don’t know what you’re talking about! My name is Kyle! I’m just some kid from

the suburbs!”

          “Well, that’s where you’re wrong I’m afraid. But really there’s no point in keeping this

conversation up. I’m not here to make small talk after all, so just sit tight for a minute will ya?”

           A series of sounds like snapping branches filled the room. Looking over at Jaska, both

Katsumi and Kyle were horrified to witness an event like something out of a horror movie. Jaska

had doubled over, and the center of his back seemed to be moving on its own. His coat was

undulating, as if something beneath it were squirming, trying to get out. It wouldn’t be long

before they discovered exactly what it was, for as Katsumi and Kyle looked on, what looked like

eight black spines erupt from Jaska’s back. Easily piercing the coat, the spines continued to

grow. As more emerged it became shockingly clear that the spines were divided into alternating

black and yellow segments, and moments later, what appeared to be a joint emerged along the

length of each spine. Suddenly the spines bent down, each stabbing into the floor and lifting

Jaska right off his feet. As he soared up to nearly ten feet in the air, it dawned on Katsumi what

had just happened. Jaska hadn’t grown spines, he had just sprouted a set of spindly, shiny,

carapace covered spider legs.

          “You know, there’s a reason they call me ‘The Spider’.”
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: 50 Words for Paipis on August 12, 2013, 01:11:44 PM
Will have to reread to give a good review.

I enjoyed it, though. Jaska's spider thing was a nice, freaky touch.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on August 12, 2013, 05:59:49 PM
Glad you liked it! I'm definitely trying to give Jaska a sort of macabre feel, so I guess it's working. Will look forward to second review though.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: 50 Words for Paipis on August 14, 2013, 10:49:39 PM
Hmm. Upon second read the only thing that feels weird is Jaska's monologue of his past with Coryn. The tone of it feels a bit strange considering the actions in between.

Otherwise, it's seems good to me.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on August 15, 2013, 09:48:25 AM
Could you perhaps elaborate?

When I was writing it, I wanted it to come off as something well rehearsed so to speak. Like it's one of those stories you've told a million times before, and eventually you just get tired of telling it, so you just strip it down to the bare facts to keep the energy you have to expend by telling it to a minimum.

So basically, Jaska just doesn't care about making the story too exciting, and is really only telling it because he likes the sound of his own voice. If that helps add any context.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: 50 Words for Paipis on August 15, 2013, 10:50:15 AM
I get that, but perhaps editing the action sequences in between to make them match his subdued, nonchalant tone might help. With large, forceful movements and jumps and whatnot, Katsumi probably wouldn't even hear him if he didn't shout, but if he were dodging her attacks with minimal movement, the scene might not be so jarring with the shifting tones.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on August 19, 2013, 03:02:55 PM
Jaska is quite the character! He's interesting, and I find myself sympathetic of his cause. He's fighting style is pretty crazy too and I find his weapon to be of interest in particular: is he and shiro's fighting method related by any chance? So far apart from the enix energy manifestations there has rarely been two of the same fighting styles for the characters. Katanas are of course relatively common but I've seen strings, bows, claymores, scissors and what have you. I just find it interesting that such a similar looking bulky weapon is used by Jasker.

I was impressed that Katsumi actually genuinely got stronger, strong enough for Jasker to reach his sweating point and even pull out his trump card. I wonder though, either he is pompous and overestimates his power or he is cunning and truly strong and simply playing around with katsumi. While he's a good fighter I don't see any of the terrifying strength shown by Shiro or any enemy who had a standing chance against Coryn.

Kyle's situation is a bummer/downer/amusing. Now I am forced to consider that 'he' is human and truly believes himself to be an entity of his own. I try to imagine what it would be like to find out I'm simply the shell of some other person walking around while they sleep. It's a pretty pathetic situation and unless kyle isn't Coryn's true past, I must reasess my dislike for the character. He especially sounds brutal with the pirates. But I totally understand, living for so long it's actually impressive coryn can keep good.

Apart from the mind food it was really nice to finally see a good old brawl. Intense stuff with a prime interest in seeing who's stronger between the two and what will happen with Kyle.

It also occurs to me that maybe Katsumi and Jasker weren't the only two who tracked down coryn, or at least tried to. I want to see what happens on that front.

Lastly, Forgive me if this was already explained mid-story but I wanted to ask: why didn't the rest of the five track down Coryn?  (Excluding Jack and Fuuji because I find them logically justified)
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: 50 Words for Paipis on August 19, 2013, 04:33:22 PM
^There's a similar "shell" arc, by the way, in Doctor Who, where the Doctor, even upon learning that he's a Time Lord, doesn't want to go back. It makes me wonder what's going through Kyle's head at this point.

The tension of Kyle not yet having turned back to Coryn is going to kill me, I think.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on August 19, 2013, 05:06:32 PM
@lego: Jaska's and Shiro's methods of fighting are unique. Shiro was all about long range movements. I envisioned him more like a typhoon, always at the eye of the storm but with his reach extended far beyond. For Jaska I wanted him to feel more like rubber. Fighting like you might expect a contortionist would. The big heavy weapons around his arms reflect this ideology. The direction of his attacks determine where he will move his body. Not the other way around as you might expect. He doesn't lead into an attack with certain form or style, he just goes.

As for his power level. I think you're hitting everywhere but where you need to be. Look in between the gaps and you will find your answer.

I'm not too sure what you mean when you say: "reasess my dislike for the character", though I do find it interesting that you think Kyle might be representative of Coryn's past. Rest assured I wouldn't give away that secret so easily. But yes, Kyle is meant to stand as a bit of a tragic character. A mind which is only a manifestation within the mind of another. Is he even real? Does he equal a true human being? Could it be construed that he possesses a soul of his own? So many questions unanswered.

Side note: When dealing with pirates, one must ask if piracy is the true crime?


As for your final question, it's wrong from the start to ask why the others didn't "track him down". They didn't need to track him down, they already knew where he was. What was needed was for him to be retrieved. It is assumed to be a simple task, and so Katsumi is sent. Besides, we are told that Colt and October are off juggling the other girls' training. So I hope that answers your question.

@paipis: I am aware of this doctor who arc. Though in all honesty I was mostly inspired to have Coryn's mind locked away by a documentary i watched many moons ago which centered on people who 'woke up' into their old minds after suffering memory loss for months or even years. Some people had started new families and careers in their new lives. I thought that it'd be interesting if one of them woke up to find out they were actually superman the whole time. Though the idea of making the locket the 'key' was a small homage to Doctor Who. But I tried to make sure that these two 'shell arcs' as you put them are differentiated.

as for the tension attempting to kill you...

(http://funnycatwallpapers.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/grumpy-cat-good-1.jpg)


I like it when my audience squirms.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on March 28, 2014, 06:43:50 PM
Alright, small update. was working on chapter. nearly finished. got distracted. just sitting there now. sometime this weekend.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on March 28, 2014, 07:05:55 PM
*HEAVY BREATHING
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on March 30, 2014, 11:47:52 AM
Did someone say chapter?



UP THE WATER SPOUT

Jaska righted his body in the air, legs tapping across the ground to maintain balance as he pulled

himself back into a vertical position. Katsumi stared at him for a few moments, going over the

best course of action in her head, still sorting out the information being fed to her brain. She

quickly decided to throw out that information however, grabbed Kyle by the arm, and

disappeared as quickly as she could down the nearest hallway. The sound of shattering masonry

filled her ears before she had made it twenty feet, but Katsumi was in no mind to look back. She

only prayed that Kyle could continue to keep up.

   Kyle however was barely managing to keep his now bare feet moving, and he had no

reservations about looking back, rather, he couldn’t help himself from doing so. At least he

would know what he was dealing with, if that even meant anything in his world anymore. A

quick glance told him all he needed to know however. Jaska’s legs were spread out in all

directions, stabbing into all four surfaces that lined the hallway, shattering tile and stabbing

through lockers as he squeezed his way through the tight enclosure. It was a relief to find

however that the spider was having no small amount of trouble moving through the building with

his newly grown legs. And it seemed that this would be their one saving grace. He turned his

head back forwards so he could keep a lookout as to where to step. Looking at Katsumi’s face

she didn’t give an impression of being afraid, but Kyle could feel in his gut that that was more

than likely false.

   “The Hell is that thing?!”

   Without glancing back Katsumi replied, swinging around a sharp corner as she did, Kyle

still in tow.

   “I think he’s a demon, or at least part demon. I’m not really sure though I’m still working

on the details.”

   “And how have we come to this well thought out conclusion?!”

   “Well he said his family came from Japan a long time ago and he just sprouted a pair of

spider legs. In my estimation that makes him out to be a jor?gumo.”

   “And any idea on how we stop him?!”

   Katsumi smiled somewhat sadistically, though after the day she had been through she felt

it wasn’t completely unjustified.
   
   “We squash him, just like any other bug.”

   As they turned another corner Katsumi spun and forced Kyle off of her. Jaska was still

several dozen feet back down the hallway as she rotated her sword 180 degrees in her hands, and

slammed the blade against the hall’s inner corner. The roof above them quickly collapsed the

pair of them barely managed to leap to safety as a massive steel beam smashed down from the

ceiling above. Kyle was red in the face but still managed to speak.
   
   “Will that hold him?”

   Katsumi spoke. “For now.”

   No sooner as she said the words however did the pile of rubble burst open before them.

Katsumi and Kyle were both flung back by the shockwave, but Katsumi managed to stay on her

feet, and soon found herself once again face to face with the spider.
   
   “Now now, it’s not polite to just run off when someone is talking to you.”

   “Sorry, but I’m usually not in much of a talking mood after the person I’m talking to

sprouts and extra set of legs.”

   Jaska smiled back at her. “I apologize for that, most people don’t believe me when I tell

them that I’m also a literal spider, easier to just show them first hand no?”

   “Can’t say I’ve ever been in that situation. I guess I can’t sympathize.”

   “Well, not many halve, but now if you’ll excuse me.”

   He raised one of his saws and leveled the barrel at Katsumi.
   
   “I’m going to have to ask you to stand aside. You fared well against blades, but most

don’t do as well against explosive rounds.”

   Katsumi smirked and held her ground.
   
   “Sorry, but I’ll take my chances.”

   “Suit yourself.”

   The barrel lit up with a bright yellow light before firing a jagged but contained pulse of

energy. As the bolt approached her, Katsumi flipped her sword back around and swung it just so

that it merely altered the course of the blast. The bolt sailed harmlessly past both herself and then

Kyle, but exploded with tremendous force at the end of the hallway, which collapsed as well.

Katsumi now found herself well and truly blocked off between a rock and a hard place.

   Jaska lowered his weapon and his whole body lowered itself until he stood back on his

human legs, though it was clear that he was still unable to squeeze through the opening made by

his first blast.
   
   “I do wish you would give in already. This could turn into an awfully long chase if you

persist.”

   “Between that and keeping Coryn alive for as long as possible, I think I’ll take the latter

option.”

   The spider was starting to become visibly annoyed. His patience must be long to pursue

an immortal, but now that his prey was in sight, it was beginning to wear thin.

   “Buying yourself time will only delay the inevitable. You aren’t getting any stronger

fighting me off, and I will be sure to outlast you. Just hand him over!”

   “Sorry.”
   
   With a flick of her wrist Katsumi sent a small orb of energy into a nearby door, which

sent if off its hinges and scattered the desks of the classroom.

   “But that’s just not going to happen!”

   Kyle was already inside with Katsumi close behind by the time Jaska had fired, and he

only managed in collapsing another section of the school’s second floor. Within the room

however the two found themselves without an escape route yet again, but this time Kyle was

more recovered from his initial shock, and had truly entered fight or flight mode. Before the dust

had even begun to settle he had taken one of the room’s desks and tossed it through one of the

classroom’s many windows. He clambered out, careful not to cut himself on the glass, and darted

off into the adjacent parking lot.
   
   The sky above had grown nearly pitch black and thunder could be heard roaring across

the city. Looking to the front of the school Kyle could see a growing number of emergency

vehicles, but as he tried to run towards them Katsumi appeared before him. Kyle nearly crashed

into her, but slipped on the grass and came to a halt just in front of her feet.

   “What the Hell are you?!”
   
   “I’m a friend. Where do think you are going?”

   Kyle wiped the sweat from his brow as he got back up.

   “There are cops over there! We’ll be safest with them!”

   “You’ll be safest with me! This guy isn’t someone cops can take care of!”

   “And why should I even believe you?! This morning I didn’t even know you!”

   A section of the schools exterior wall exploded, and a moment later Jaska bounded out

onto the lawn. He was back up on his spider legs and both barrels of his weapons were smoking.

   “Hello again, did I miss anything?”

   One of his legs shot out and stabbed directly through a small tree, snapping it in half and

clearing Jaska’s path towards Katsumi and Kyle.

   “Oh and look, that cops are already here. That’s really quite unfortunate, I don’t like

getting shot at.”

   Katsumi stuck out an arm and pushed Kyle back behind her.

   “Do you have transportation?”

   He swallowed hard before replying.

   “Y-Yeah, it’s in the back lot.”

   “I want you to run as fast as you can to it. I’m going to hold him here.”

   “Are you-?”

   Kyle was cut off by a quick shove from Katsumi.

   “Go!”

   He was off without another word. Kyle ducked down and started weaving his way though

the expansive parking lot. Jaska started to move off after him but Katsumi reappeared before

him, standing atop what must have been a vintage maroon station wagon.

   “You’re staying here with me.”

   In the same breath Katsumi had reached into her messenger bag and removed a small

scroll. Laying it down on the hood of the car she quickly unfurled it. On it was drawn a circle

covered in archaic symbols. In lighting succession she took her blade and pierced five distinct

locations as indicated by the diagram. From the parchment was emitted a faint pulse of energy,

which spread out across the parking lot and back at the school. As the wave passed, everything it

touched seemed to lose touch with the laws of attraction, and began floating up into the sky.

Everything from cars to the broken tree gently rose into the air, becoming dissociated but spread

out at roughly even intervals.

   The cops were beginning to take notice, but they were quickly forced to fall back upon

witnessing Jaska’s form and the strange occurrence of gravity before them. They ducked behind

the building’s edge and started shouting warnings at what they could not comprehend. Jaska and

Katsumi for their part, ignored them, choosing instead to make their way into the depths of the

field of floating vehicles. Each automobile seemed mostly locked into a single location, but they

would rotate in all directions if pushed upon. Jaska found it difficult to move with each of his

legs having to adjust for their own unique circumstance, but he quickly overcame this fault, and

was slinking his way through the field with ease.

   Katsumi had disappeared easily, and currently hid herself in the bed of a rusty pickup.

   “How do you like my battlefield? Hope it’s not too difficult for you to get around.”

   She could hear Jaska’s voice moving around behind her, but deduced that he was still far

enough away that she needn’t worry.

   “Well you know, I would be easier without everything spinning around on me.”

   “Couldn’t just retract the legs? Might make the going smoother?”

   “Well that’s just the thing.”
   
   He was getting closer. Katsumi could hear his legs clicking against something metal

above her position.

   “The legs can be a bit of an issue when I’m this size, hard to get into tight quarters. And

changing takes energy, I can’t just do it on a whim. But you know, there’s one thing that I find to

be true in just about all sentient races.”

   “And what’s that?”

   A long black and yellow leg shot through the truck-bed, nearly piercing Katsumi’s leg.

Jaska’s voice was right behind Katsumi, she could hear him whispering through the nearly rusted

out metal.

   “They’re all afraid of monsters.”

   The leg retracted itself quickly and Katsumi leaped from the bed just as it was torn away

from her, pulled by powerful legs out of its orbit and thrown against a blue convertible. The two

seemed to clump together, and quickly found a new station near the blue car’s original location.

Jaska smiled wildly, a look of madness in his eyes.

   “And I am most definitely a monster Miss Amano. As soon as people see me they’re

afraid. Even if it’s only on an unconscious level, they still find themselves to be unquestionably

off-put. It makes them slow, unsure of themselves, gives me the edge every time.”

   Katsumi was now knelt down on a small S.U.V. Her blade was sunk into the door panel,

and it held her firm.
   
   “Well unfortunately for you…”

   Quickly retracting her blade with an upward slice, Katsumi had effectively severed the

vehicle in half, and send both sides flying at Jaska with rapid speed. The back half slid

harmlessly between two of his outstretched legs, but the front smashed Jaska full on, and sent

him flying several layers of cars back into the field.

   “I grew up fighting monsters, and they don’t hold much weight for me anymore.”

   Jaska had thrown the halved vehicle aside and was vaulting through the floating field. He

wore a look of satisfaction, and his chainsaws were once again spinning rapidly.

   “Damn glad to hear it!”

   Katsumi broke away and Jaska gave chase. The two of them ascended higher and higher

in the cars, leaving destruction in their wake. It had become a battle of swiftness, each looking to

outpace the other. Jaska would cleave a vehicle in half just as Katsumi left it, or Katsumi would

destroy a car just to give the spider trouble. They were quickly cleaning out the center of the

system, and when Katsumi finally ran out of places to go, she put all of her effort into a single

vertical jump. A moment later she cleared the field, and landed on the bottom of a small car. It

rotated in the air until she could once again stand upright on its roof, and seconds later Jaska

burst to the top as well.
   
   Revving both saws, Jaska leaped across the roof of the system and landed his body on the

same car as Katsumi. He bent his legs low until he was on the same level as Katsumi, and

attacked her with a barrage of spinning chain. Katsumi was able to reply in kind however, and

for a few moments they dug into each other. Strikes were landed on both sides, and the force put

off was steadily clearing any other vehicles away from them. Grimacing through the pain, Jaska

was clearly enjoying himself.

   “You’re impressive alright. Didn’t think you’d put in this much effort!”

   “That’s my line!”

   With a powerful slash Katsumi knocked both of Jaska’s saws out of the way, and

followed it up with a swift knee to his chin. As the spider recoiled, red energy built up around

Katsumi’s foot, and as she slammed it back down onto the car she sent both the vehicle and

Jaska flying back to Earth. When it impacted it let out another pulse of energy, and the floating

cars once again felt the pull of gravity.
   
   Katsumi made her way of across the falling cars, heading back to the school building. As

she did however, Jaska was shadowing directly below her, dodging vehicles and slicing through

them when he couldn’t. Soon Katsumi had cleared the edge of the lot, and leaped from the last

car onto the school roof. Jaska crouched down, and altering the pressure in all eight of his legs,

shot through the air after her.
   
   The two landed on the roof nearly simultaneously. Katsumi spun just in time to intercept

Jaska’s saws, and braced herself against the gravel roof. Jaska’s legs proved to be more powerful

however, and he started driving her back. Her feet drew a pair of trenches across the roof, but she

never broke off.
   
   “Bet you think you’re some tough *censored* huh? Be scary spider my ass! Go back to eating

flies!”

   “You are the fly darling!”

   Katsumi felt a jolt as she slammed into a massive air conditioning unit. She was lifted off

her feet and the metal on her back was searing hot. Jaska was only increasing the pressure

however, and Katsumi took her opportunity to use it against him. Pulling her legs in she planted

one against his chest and the other against the roof unit. Using her own body as a fulcrum

Katsumi lifted Jaska off the ground and flipped him head over heels onto the top of the unit. His

legs spasmed from the impact, flailing uselessly in the air. Craning his head around to see where

Katsumi had gone, Jaska spotted her running once again towards the building’s edge. Instead of

taking up pursuit however, he leveled both of his cannons at her, and with his vision still

inverted, started firing off a string of blasts.
   
   The roof was collapsing behind Katsumi, and several times she almost fell through with

it. She cleared the ledge just as it was blasted to rubble, and sent herself on a trajectory towards

the neighboring high rises. Rotating 90 degrees, Katsumi’s feet slammed against the nearest

building, and she began running parallel to the ground. Glass cracked and splintered as she ran

across it, but her footfalls were never enough to shatter it.
   
   Jaska was not as considerate.
   
   He had launched himself all the way from where Katsumi had left him on his back, and

his sticky legs made following her along the shear walls a cinch. It wasn’t his feet breaking

through though. Jaska was running both of his saws up against the glass, carving a pair of

trenches across the building’s entire face.
   
   The spider followed Katsumi across a busy intersection. Far bellow emergency vehicles

had blocked off traffic and created a jam that extended off in all directions during the busy lunch

hour. It wasn’t the most appealing battle ground, but Jaska figured that trying to catch up to his

prey would take too long, and that she wouldn’t stop running as long as they were on the

buildings’ sides.
   
   Jaska brought up his cannons and started firing on Katsumi’s position. Unfortunately for

him she proved more than capable of dodging his blasts at range, and so Jaska lowered his

weapons and stopped just short of the building’s edge. He pressed his legs down and launched

himself through the air. Jumping proved much quicker than running with so many legs, and with

three more consecutive jumps he had caught up to Katsumi. In fact he nearly flattened her, and

ended up landing directly on her position.

   Together they smashed through the tall windows of the structure, and ended up tumbling

through a floor wide cubicle farm. They shot out of the far side of the building, and went into a

free fall right down the street below. Halfway down they separated, and each managed to land on

their feet.

   Two of Jaska’s legs had pierced through vehicles stuck in the gridlock, and while

Katsumi was still recovering from her fall, he flung the pair of them at her occupants and all.

One of the two flew cleanly past her, but the second was dead on. Instead of dodging, Katsumi

grabbed onto it and pulled herself in close. The car flipped through the air and landed on its roof

some distance away, but Katsumi found herself safely above it.

   She leaped off to engage Jaska, but he replied by once again flipping upside down with

saws at full power. This time however, he used all eight of his spider legs to attack with. He took

full advantage of the expanded area to maneuver, but this time Katsumi was familiar with his

movements. Unfortunately the exoskeleton that covered his legs proved just as effective as he

armored boots at protecting against her blade. Katsumi landed a few hits, but they did little more

than scratch the shiny black and yellow shell.
   
   It took every last ounce of her speed to fend off the assault, but eventually the torrent of

blows proved too much, and a leg caught Katsumi across the chest. She was sent flying into the

side of a large truck, and she nearly bent it in half with her impact.

   Katsumi was sure she had blacked out for a moment or two, because when she opened

her eyes again Jaska had advanced much further than the passive of time seemed to indicate.

Trying to pull herself away from the vehicle, Katsumi found that she had been securely wedged

between the two bent halves of the truck. She rose her sword into the air, and was about to slice

back into the vehicle when she heard an engine rev up. Looking past Jaska she watched as a

white and blue crotch rocket came ramping off an abandoned tow truck.

   Jaska turned just in time to see it as well, and as a result he was rewarded with getting its

front tire directly in his face. Together the motorcycle and the spider flew into the truck. Katsumi

shot her blade into the ground, and as a result she was able to stand firm as the truck was pried

off of her.

The truck and Jaska kept sliding down the roadway, but the rider of the bike had pulled

away just after impact. The bike was now letting out a painful sounding rattle, but it seemed to

be running all the same. Pulling back around the riding slammed a bare foot into the ground to

keep the bike from toppling over and yanked off his helmet, revealing a terrified Kyle.

   “Get on! Then explain to me why the Hell I ever thought that was a good idea!”

   Katsumi quickly climbed onto the cycle, and Kyle slammed his helmet into her arms and

had once again taken off before she even had a chance to put it on.


   The impact of the motorcycle and then the subsequent collision with the truck-bed had

knocked Jaska nearly senseless, but he started to come to just in time to see his targets disappear

around the corner.

   Slow heavy raindrops had begun to fall. The cold made Jaska shiver, but he smiled all the

same. Even for a spider, it was a welcome relief from the oppressive heat.

   “Alright then, guess it’s time to get serious about this.”

   Jaska raised himself up on his spider legs and stretched out his human limbs. His joints

popped and his muscles strained. Then finally feeling limber, he began to grow.




Next time: DOWN CAME THE RAIN
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on March 31, 2014, 04:23:57 PM
Dream come true! My keyboard is kaput so i'll read on teusday and share my thoughts!
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on March 31, 2014, 05:22:27 PM
I look forward to it.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on April 01, 2014, 10:52:12 AM
 1.   “Well he said his family came from Japan a long time ago and he just sprouted a pair of spider legs. In my estimation that makes him out to be a jor?gumo.”


- Hmm...  I wanted a clearer picture so I went wiki on it http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jor%C5%8Dgumo apparently it's a 'whore spider' that lures men to their doom. Lore is at the mercy of any writer I know, but it just seemed a bit odd?


2.“Sorry, but I’m usually not in much of a talking mood after the person I’m talking to sprouts and extra set of legs.”

-Katsumi has gotten less old-school over time huh. Sort of sounds like something Coryn would say.


3.“Well, not many halve, but now if you’ll excuse me.”

*halves


4. Looking to the front of the school Kyle could see a growing number of emergency
vehicles...

- Nice catch, I was wondering on the side where the rapid response was coming, I mean a school under attack should draw some sort of attention.


5  In lighting succession she took her blade and pierced five distinct locations as indicated by the diagram.

*Lightning? rapid?


6 Side note: Ii'm glad that though Kyle is shocked, he ran for his life to get outside. I find it annoying when characters just sit down and whine



7  The cops were beginning to take notice... and was slinking his way through the field with ease.

- This segment feels like it could be worded better somehow. Something more direct and to the point. I like the imagery though, and I think it's a sticky sort of thing to describe well in the first place.

8 Side Note: Floating constellation of cars and having battle there. YES. Make an anime.

9 “Bet you think you’re some tough *censored* huh? Be scary spider my ass! Go back to eating flies!”

- Katsumi said a swear!


10    Katsumi was sure she had blacked out for a moment or two, because when she opened
her eyes again Jaska had advanced much further than the passive of time seemed to indicate.

*passage

11  Looking past Jaska she watched as a white and blue crotch rocket came ramping off an abandoned tow truck.

- um... crotch rocket? >.> ? <.<


12 Pulling back around the riding slammed a bare foot into the ground to keep the bike from toppling over and yanked off his helmet, revealing a terrified Kyle.

- Sentence needs some brushing up in general, but otherwise aha! That's where the fella was.


Yikes, Jaska actually has more space to grow. I was suspecting that he's just a grunt, but Katsumi has definately levelled up over time, so I thought it'd be a battle she would win and walk away from rather than this desperate flight fight and protect thing going on here.

I keep on worrying about collateral damage. That one time the car was thrown to Katsumi passengers and all I saw she didn't slice it or anything, but she didn't exactly attend to the passengers as well. I guess if it ever came down to it she'd let other people die to save Coryn huh.

The fight really doesn't let off, it just escalates from the school (Where I had this idea like it was in a VN form) but then when the fight gets to the outside I had to shift the way I was thinking.

Highlights are the fact that Kyle doesn't drag things down, the gravity field, Jaska's not-so-gentle method to cross the glass, and the truck battle, though I'm not completely sure about how they transitioned from the school to the highway, I just don't have a good picture of how that'd look.

Looking forward to how things go! Are we writing again? I need to finish reading CS man.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on April 01, 2014, 12:50:07 PM
1. Well yeah, this is just me making up lore. If we assume that they're a species, then you have to assume there are males.

3. Yeah, really didn't take the time to do much editing on this one. Or any really... you can probably tell which points could have been fixed by this.

4. Of course. It only makes sense that someone would call 911 after watching something crash into the school from on high. 

6. Yeah, f*ck that trope.

7. Yeah, I was going more for imagery there. I mean I got to use the word "slinking". What else could a writer want?

8. Thanks

9. She's like 18-19 now. Not some precious little school girl. Not that she ever was.

11. It's a slang term for a type of motorcycle body. Guess it doesn't cross the cultural divide too well.
Spoiler
(http://www.crotchrocketguide.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/honda-cbr500r-crotch-rocket.jpg)



And nah man. Jaska aint no grunt. He's got super crazy back story concerning Coryn. I've just been waiting for the opportune moment to unleash him. I can probably send to you the document in which I wrote everything about him up in. There's a small bit of spoiler in there though, so maybe you'd rather not.

As for collateral damage, this isn't superman. (well, comic superman, let's not talk about the new movie). If a superhuman fight breaks out in the middle of downtown, people are going to get in the way.

Kyle not dragging things down is also something I'm glad you noticed. I wanted Kyle to be a very practical sort of character. Smart enough to know when to run and how to run. Unlike every other base-normal in anime. I also wanted to get him out of the way enough to showcase Katsumi some. All of the girls have leveled up in the past year. And I'm intent on showing that off.

Oh and they really haven't crossed onto a highway. They're more downtown. I admit I don't know much about miami's layout, but it's a city high school that they started from. Made up as it is. So they wouldn't have had to go too far to get from the school to the taller buildings. Just a superhuman jump away as it were.



Anyrate, glad you liked it an all! Hopefully I'll be getting more done on CS. but who knows. Though I do have a good idea of at least where to start and end the next chapter. but alas, it's another fight chapter, and damn to I hate writing fights. so tedious.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on April 01, 2014, 01:51:18 PM
What what whaat? You hate writing fight scenes? Blasphemy!

But no, no spoilers. I really would like to get into the back notes at one point, but I'll stick to my original guns on that one. I've got to wonder with Jaska's weaponry though and Shiro... Who would win? Lets say pre-kourosen-insane Shiro vs Jaska (Because that dawg was overpowered)
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on April 01, 2014, 02:00:01 PM
hard to say. It all gets chalked up to age for the most part. If we assume a fairly linear and comparritable progression of power between characters, then age is the easiest way for me to say "yo this dudes stronger"

But i really don't have set ages for either of them at the time, so who knows.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on April 01, 2014, 02:09:16 PM
Hmmm, will I have to read from the beginning again? I was wondering what kind of demon slaying Katsumi and Co do. Is it all round evil spirit/demon hunting or are they the A-team for clusterfrakks ala-Makeboshi?
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on April 01, 2014, 02:12:33 PM
Well I always sort of figured that they were a catch all group. Specializing in japan though. Since they're obviously an international organization, but also have their basis in japanese culture.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on August 24, 2014, 06:21:11 PM
CLEAR!!!

*electricity pours in*


*a slight pulse appears*
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on August 24, 2014, 09:20:14 PM
don't read it, it's terrible. I haven't even edited it any. and i wrote it in like five different settings, that probably didn't help. you can tell where i stopped each time. it's embarrassing. Also, I realize that I have no idea how to write properly. I look at how other authors write novels and it's not even close to what i'm doing.

so, i need to read more novels. I write too dialogue heavy. so many thoughts can be more easily explained by not putting them into quotations. i don't know. just an observation.





DOWN CAME THE RAIN

Kyle’s bike roared down the street and away from where he had left Jaska. Raindrops continued

to smack him in the face but he refused to slow down. In the last few minutes his whole world

had done an abrupt about face, and the girl screaming in his ear certainly wasn’t helping.

        Katsumi was obviously trying to convey something, but she was speaking at a mile a

minute, and none of it was getting through.

        “Damn it, speak English! I can’t understand a word you’re saying! I don’t understand

Chinese!”

        She took in a deep breath before continuing in a laborious tone.

        “I’m Japanese! Not Chinese!”

        “Well I’m freaking out! Forgive me for the cultural insensitivity!”

The bike banked sharply as Kyle hastily avoided a truck trying to push its way through

the backed up traffic.

        “Can you just explain to me what’s going on?!”

        “You would not believe me.”

        “Are you sure about that?! Cause in the last half hour I’ve seen some pretty weird *censored*!”

        As Kyle banked around another corner the pair became aware of a rumbling noise

coming from behind them. Katsumi pushed it to the back of her mind for the moment.

        “Believe me, it will be easier if I don’t. But there is one thing of importance. Do you

remember the locket I had in my hand just before that guy crashed through the roof?”

        “It’s a little fuzzy, but yes I think so. Why, is it important?!”

        “Extremely! But I can’t go back for it while fighting him off. If we can get him to

concentrate on me though, you should be able to slip back to the school and acquire it yourself.”

        “How are we going to do that?!”

        Katsumi smiled at him before standing up on the still speeding motorcycle.

        “Leave that to me!”

        Kyle felt the weight of the bike shift as Katsumi leapt to the roof of a nearby building. He

stared up at her in a moment of disbelief, just one of many he had experienced that morning.
    
        “All I wanted was a quiet day at school…”


        As Katsumi landed she immediately took note of the problem, and the source of the

earlier rumbling. A giant mass of silver hair had appeared rising over the buildings’ tops. And it

was continuing to expand.

        “Great, he can grow too.”

        Jaska’s eyes came into view as Katsumi strolled across the rooftops. He seemed to be

immobile during the transformation, either that or he just didn’t feel the need to move. His eyes

were scanning the surroundings though, and once he spotted Katsumi his mouth widened into a

grin.

        For her part, Katsumi smiled back, and patiently waited for him to finish. She had

regained much of her composure since Kyle had rushed in again, and she saw Jaska’s new

transformation as a positive for her. Large meant slow, and shear bulk also meant that it would

be more difficult to attack with accuracy, all of which would play to her favor.

        Jaska’s growth seemed to have finally subsided. Standing on his human leg’s he already
 
stood higher than most of the buildings in the area, but as he switched to his spider limbs he soon

towered over the entire city. His mouth opened, but instead of speech a sound deep and

thunderous echoed from him. Katsumi was nearly knocked to the ground by the force of it, and

she could hear nearby windows shattering in their frames. She could only guess as to what the

police on the ground were thinking, but those thoughts faded from her mind as the bellowing

subsided, and Jaska’s voice slowly reverted to a normal pitch and level.

        “Ah there we are. I apologize about that. Sometimes the diminisher doesn’t quite kick in

right away.”

        Being as nonchalant as she could, Katsumi dropped the blade of her sword across the

back of her neck, and draped both of her arms from it.

        “So you’re finished already then? I was just warming up the idea of having a little break \

from the action.”

        Jaska chuckled.
 
        “You’ve let Coryn rub off on you a little too much. It’s not good to be so relaxed right

after an opponent reveals a new ability. Especially one that, I think you will admit, changes the

dynamic quite considerably.”

        “Like I told you earlier. I’m used to fighting monsters.”

        The giant’s grin flashed to a small, but satisfied smile.

        “I am very happy to have met you today. But you’re still standing between my quarry and

I, so I’m afraid it’s time to remove you from the situation.”

        Jaska raised his arm to the sky, steam billowing off of the spinning teeth of his saw as it

pierced the cloud layer.

        “Let the afterlife know I send my love!”

        The saw flew down, the rain fell down, and Katsumi held herself still.

        “Yeah, that’s not going to happen yet.”

        Red energy sparked around Katsumi’s feet, signaling the birth of a column of red light

that roared into the sky and shattered the building’s roof below. Jaska’s saw had been caught

right into the middle of it, and it had ground to a halt. Without letting up Jaska watched

Katsumi’s transformation with interest.

        The pillar suddenly broke however, and with it went Jaska’s blade. Jaska watched as the

whole of the weapon shattered, breaking down from the center of the blade all the way back to

his wrist.

        It took a moment for Jaska’s brain to catch up with his eyes, and just as he recognized

that a blurred shape had shot up through his blade, he felt the same shape smashing into the top

of his head. Katsumi’s kick splashed force across the top of Jaska’s head, and sent his hair to

flutter out in all directions before being directed it straight up as the street below him gave way.

His fall seemed to take place in slow motion, but it was only the illusion of his size.

Regardless, Jaska soon found himself collapsed along the streets. His own weight had forced him

through the paved surface and down into the sewers below. The smell was foul, but not entirely

unfamiliar, and he tried to push it from his mind as he climbed back to all eight of his feet.

        “Might I say, that that was quite unexpected!”

        Jaska leapt forwards and smashed shoulder first through a nearby building. As the rubble

fell he could see a blurred shape rapidly moving through the shadows, disappearing and

reappearing sporadically.

        “Truly, you are more than I bargained for!”

        Leveling his remaining canon, Jaska powered up a blast and fired it into the still falling

wreckage. At first it was only the blast of his gun, but soon the debris caught fire as well. The

resulting dust explosion cleared the air, and Jaska received the satisfaction of watching a

smoking body shoot out of the blast zone.

        Katsumi landed on a nearby roof. She was lightly singed and at little bruised, but she

hadn’t received any permanent damage. It hadn’t been in the plan to transform herself, but she

was quickly becoming thankful for the last minute decision. Thankful for as well was the

unexpected breather Jaska was apparently giving her.

        “Don’t tell me you’ve tired out already! Is moving that big body of yours too extraneous

for you?!”

        Jaska chuckled.

        “You’re awfully quick to pass judgment now aren’t you? The answer to your question is

‘no’. I just wanted to get a good look at you now.”

        Indeed Katsumi’s own transformation was something to be taken in. She was taller now

then she had been in the past, and thanks to her extensive training she filled out the outfit better

just a year earlier, her already lean body now more fully covered in tight muscle. It was not

only her body that had matured however. The outfits of the transformed Tomoshibi evolved to fit

the psyche of their wearer, and Katsumi’s had reacted in kind. Her kimono’s left sleeve now sat

rolled up to the shoulder, and on each forearm she wore a ninja-like gauntlet of black cloth and

metal. Gone too were the traditional sandals she once wore, now replaced with knee high boots

of the same metal as her gauntlets.

        Katsumi planted her sword firmly into the rooftop and casually reached into her right

sleeve. Extracting a hair-band from it she tried up a large portion of it into a long ponytail,

although she left her bangs where they were and several long strands still fell in front of each

shoulder. She was still trying to get the hair to change, but it was proving to be her most stubborn

feature.

        Jaska regarded her with a cool curiosity. It was obvious to him that he possessed the

highest level of experience of the two, and in terms of power he was also sure of his victory, but

Katsumi acted with an air of arrogance and determination that he didn’t encounter often. She had

said she fought monsters, he was starting to believe her.

        Jaska opened his mouth to speak, but was quickly interrupted by the sound of spinning

turbines. Glancing to his side, he caught sight of a small fleet of jetfighters flying at him in

formation. He took note of their dull gray paintjobs and aggressive shape, only then directing his

attention to the missiles placed beneath their short wings.

        “Well, I suppose that’s only fair.”

        The rockets launched as Jaska brought up a massive hand to bat them away. Meanwhile

Katsumi had disappeared from the rooftop and on instinct Jaska readjusted his legs and sent

himself flying backwards across the city. As he reached the apex of his leap, Jaska watched as

Katsumi rematerialized in front of him. She seemed to take off of the air itself and send herself

on a trajectory for Jaska’s left arm. She had sent her sword cart-wheeling in the opposite

direction however, and it soon sliced into the back of his right thumb. The blade seemed to be

draw along by its own power, and it kept its path all the way up to his shoulder, continuously

cutting a ragged gash the whole way.

        Katsumi had ran the length of his opposite arm as well, and just as the blade an its owner

seemed destined to flight right off of the giant’s shoulders, Katsumi stuck out her left arm. Her

sword immediately changed directions, as if a switch had been flipped. It shot through his neck,

and Jaska let out a gasp of air as it sliced through his vocal chords. Katsumi finally broke away

from him as he swatted at her with his free hand, but she was simply too quick for him.

Since the two’s momentum had been the same, they maintained an even distance between

themselves as they soared through the air, but as Jaska came back down to Earth, Katsumi was

still well above the ground, and she took the situation to her advantage. Jaska lost distance to her

as he tried to slow himself against the ground’s friction, and when the gap was appropriately

large, Katsumi turned in the air. Creating an invisible platform at a forty-five degree angle to the

ground, Katsumi found her footing and prepared her attack. Red energy erupted from her hands

and engulfed her blade. She built the charge quickly, and braced herself. When Jaska finally

caught up, she was ready. Katsumi stabbed forth and released all of the energy she had directed

into her swords. It slammed into Jaska’s back just between his shoulder blades, and sent him

toppling forwards just in time for the fighter’s missiles to catch up with him.

        The majority impacted directly on his face, while the rest overshot him and exploded in

the distance. Jaska recoiled from the blasts, and while they weren’t strong enough to damage him

significantly, they had stung both his skin and his ego. He let the rage build inside of him for a

moment, before letting out a glass shattering scream, accompanied by a pulse of orange energy

that finished off any windows his voice had missed.

        If the girl wanted a monster to fight, Jaska wasn’t about to disappoint her.

        Spinning with a speed that he had not shown since growing to his current sized, Jaska

smashed Katsumi with a tightly clenched fist. With a deafening smack she was sent careening

into the ground, and even before the crater had finished forming, Jaska had raised his remaining

saw arm straight through a nearby building, and let loose a rapid fire barrage of energy shells.

His aim was wild, and chunks of concrete and other rubble rained down from where his missed

shots had impacted. But the majority were finding their mark, directly where Katsumi had

landed.

        Katsumi had recovered from the initial punch quickly, but now she found herself landed

with a new problem. Jaska’s first few shots had missed, and that had given her enough time to

prepare, but now she knew that she should have tried escaping instead. Filling herself with enix

and letting it push out into the area around her, Katsumi had managed to create a surface that

Jaska’s energy bolts wouldn’t explode against, but this only proved to be a trap that Katsumi

ended up setting for herself. After successfully ‘catching’ the first blast with her hands, Katsumi

soon found herself with more and more blasts being stacked up against the first. With each

subsequent pull of the trigger, Katsumi found herself with more force she had to resist, each blast

combining with the first until the pressure from their combined power was slowly vaporizing city

around them.
   
   Katsumi soon found her arms fully out to the side, and the energy blast pressing against

her face and chest. It was then that she felt the blasts wobble, and she worried that the energy

was about to destabilize. She would have soon found out, if it wasn’t for the fact that Jaska had

stopped fired, and instead chosen to smash his boot directly down on the mass of energy,

detonating it and sending Katsumi through the glass and concrete of the next several building

behind her.

   When she finally reemerged from her trip through the structures, Katsumi was cut,

bleeding, and bruised from head to toe, not to mention the burns which she had sustained from

the detonation. Jaska on the other hand seemed all but unharmed from his maneuver, and had

more than enough energy to barrel directly through the buildings that Katsumi had passed

through. She leaped back to avoid being trampled by her opponent, and to her surprise Katsumi

found herself splashing down in the warm waters of the ocean.

   Being completely unprepared for the sudden submersion, Katsumi disappeared beneath

the waves with all the grace of a wet cat. Jaska was not deterred however, and followed after her

immediately, unwilling to let anything take away from his momentum.

   Beneath the waves Katsumi desperately tried to avoid coughing out the amount of

seawater she had swallowed in a last ditch attempt to get air in her lungs before going under. If

she did she would almost certainly lose the precious little air that she did get, and she didn’t want

to do that until the last possible moment. Her jump had landed her quiet far out at sea, and while

she couldn’t see him, she heard and sensed that Jaska was in the water as well, trashing about as

he searched for his quarry. Opening her eyes against the salty sea, Katsumi ignored the burning

as she tried to catch a glimpse of anything, and to her surprise she did. She couldn’t see Jaska

directly, but she could clearly make out the spinning purple of his saw blade as it cleaved wide

swaths through the ocean. Luckily he was still a fair ways off, and Katsumi prayed that she could

take advantage of the situation.

   Kicking her legs with as much power as her oxygen deprived muscles could muster,

Katsumi started moving towards Jaska, desperate to stay beneath the waves for as long as she

could. The movements of the saw were becoming more and more frantic, and Katsumi surmised

that there were only two possibilities. Either Jaska was becoming impatient, which she thought

possible, but unlikely considering his claim that he spent his time stalking an immortal. Or he

was becoming engrossed in the fight, letting his passions take over. Katsumi figured that neither

option was preferable over the other, but she also knew that in a moment it wouldn’t matter. She

was completely out of air, and once she was out of the water, she wouldn’t have to guess any

longer.

        Breaking the surface the first thing Katsumi did was gulp down a massive breath of air to

refill her lungs and reenergize her muscles. Thankfully it took another moment for Jaska to look

up and notice her, and Katsumi took the gap in awareness to circle around to Jaska’s right,

putting as much distance between his saw and herself as possible.

        She was running along the water’s surface, subtly adjusting the cohesion of the water

beneath her feet, just enough that it wouldn’t give way in the fraction of the second that she was

in contact with it. Unfortunately Jaska was not making it easy for her to maintain her

concentration. He had fallen to his human feet, and was stabbing rapidly down at her with the

dagger sharp points of his spider legs. Avoiding the legs was the easy, but with each footfall the

water was disturbed, and the waves grew more erratic. Jaska was like an angry child in a pool,

making as many waves just so he could splash the other children in the eyes. It had its desired

effect however, and every few steps Katsumi’s concentration would break for an instant, and

she’d find her foot delving back below the surface. Growing weary, Katsumi summoned up

enough energy for one last push, and sent herself clear of Jaska with a single energy imbued

leap.

        She landed in what had been an upscale hotel room until Jaska had taken away its ceiling

and the rest of the building above it a few minutes ago in pursuit of Katsumi. Katsumi broke

through one of the last remnants of its outer wall and collided with the king size bed. The metal

frame bent and nearly twisted entirely around Katsumi, but she freed herself with a swing of her

blade, and clambered back to her feet. Jaska was already on his way back, but the strong waves

were clearly being a greater obstacle to him than they had been to Katsumi. Katsumi studied his

pace, and made her judgment, then prayed that her gamble would pay off.

        Training under Jack and the rest of The Five for the last year, Katsumi had learned much

about enix and the methods of its direct manipulation. In fact it had taken up the bulk of all her

training. But on the side, she had received a crash course in many of the techniques that The Five

would commonly employ. Chief among these had been perhaps the most versatile technique of

them all: telekinesis.

        Katsumi hadn’t taken well to it. Jack had explained that it was paradoxical in nature. To

wield it one must let their mind go quiet and peaceful, to connect with the object or objects they

were attempting to control. But they must also be forceful in their control, to conquer its

existence with strength and power. It was a kind of double think that made Katsumi’s head spin.

Force and power she had in spades, but serenity of mind wasn’t something that came naturally to

her. As a result she took much longer than any of her friends to use it even once, and her path

towards proficiency was progressing just as poorly. As a result she could move objects with

plenty of force, but she was sorely lacking when it came to the question of accuracy.

        Luckily for her, she wasn’t looking to be precise today.

        She closed her eyes. Extending her arms and stretching out with her mind, Katsumi felt

about the world around her, and slowly placed her attention around a block long stretch of

electrical cables that ran along the street below. The bases of the wooden poles splintered and

cracked as Katsumi flexed her fingers. Black cables shook violently and tore at their moorings,

but Katsumi was careful to keep the stretch in one piece.

        Several of the long poles finally came free with the loud crunch of their wood giving

way. Still others were ripped from the ground whole, their concrete foundations still clutching to

their bases. Finally Katsumi slid over her left arm until it was parallel with her right, and shifted

the majority of her concentration to that end of the wires. Then, she waited.

        Jaska had been too busy fighting the surf to notice what Katsumi had been doing, and by

the time he reached dry land, he had grown so impatient that he failed to notice the trap Katsumi

had set. When he placed his first step on the seaside road, Katsumi twisted her arms and her

body, commanding the electrical wires to follow her motions. It was like watching a ballet

dancer as she spun, and the effect was so mesmerizing to Jaska that he didn’t notice what she

was doing until it was too late to avoid it.

        The leading edge of the wires had wrapped around his neck, and immediately he felt

them pouring thousands of volts into his body, greatly amplified by the water that the storm and

ocean had drenched him in. Jaska grasped at the wires, frantically trying to tear them away, but

the influx of electrons was causing his whole body to spasm wildly as it fried his nervous system

and cooked his flesh. With a thunderous boom he collapsed to his knees, and it was all Jaska

could to do to stab his saw into the ground in order to provide some stability. It was then that a

new but familiar sound reached his ears. The jetfighters had come around for another pass, still

braving the rainstorm in order to put down the monster in their city. Their second strike was on

target as missiles exploded against the sensitive zone where Jaska’s spindly legs connected to his

back. The force of the blasts caused his saw to slip and Jaska to fall to the ground face first.

        Jaska could tell that a howl of pain was pouring from his throat as he fell, but his mind

was elsewhere. His eyes swiveled to where Katsumi had been, his fall finally breaking the wires’

connection to the grid and freeing from his electric prison. She was gone, likely retreating to a

better tactical position, or perhaps she was trying to regroup with Coryn. Jaska wasn’t certain,

and his head was still spinning from being electrocuted. It hurt to think, but there was one thing

he was sure of: his prey was once again on the move, the hunt was not yet over. 
   

   Katsumi soon found herself back at the school. She had rushed back through the city as

quickly and quietly as she could, and now that she had arrived Katsumi did what she could to

keep her energy output down, hoping that it would give Jaska a harder time in locating her again.

   As she ran through the upturned parking lot where she had battled Jaska earlier, she

noticed a distinct lack of sound. The masses of police had vanished, following the carnage

through the city most likely, or evacuating civilians the best they could. All Katsumi spotted in

front of the school was a single ambulance, its crew nowhere in sight.

   She wondered to herself if all of this devastation was worth it. Whether bringing Coryn

back justified the costs they had unwittingly unleashed upon this city. It wasn’t really a question

worth asking of course. Katsumi knew that their situation demanded intervention, that the stakes

were more than high enough to sacrifice these people. It wasn’t a comforting thought, but she

had learned enough about the universe to know that sometimes the ugly truth is still the truth,

and that playing the numbers oftentimes turned out to be the only solution available.

   Still, as she crept back into the school, she couldn’t push the doubts from her mind. It

may have been commonplace for immortals like Coryn to make choices of such scale, but she

wasn’t used to being the one to make such decisions. And certainly the situations were never so

dire. Nevertheless, playing the morning back in her mind, she couldn’t find an alternate route she

could have taken. The bounty hunter had tracked Coryn specifically. Those dead inside the

cafeteria would still be dead, and while the city itself may have survived more or less intact,

Coryn would almost certainly be dead, which would have presented a much larger problem in the

long run than anyone currently in the city could possibly imagine.

   Katsumi pushed the thoughts from her mind with a shake of her head as she entered the

cafeteria. Some of the bodies had been placed in long black bags, though most of them still lay

where they fell. Katsumi noticed that each of the bags were open, unzipped just enough to see

the face, and it didn’t take her long to understand why. Kyle was standing in the middle of the

atrium, right in the spot where Jaska had initially made planetfall. His back as to her, but

Katsumi could tell that he was turning something over and over again in his right hand, slowly

inspecting it.

   “It’s a miracle really.”

   Kyle’s voice was quiet and hoarse. Katsumi could tell that he had been crying not long

before. He had pulled himself together rather well after the initial shock, but Katsumi surmised

that the adrenaline had worn off, and that Kyle was finally starting to process what had really

happened. She wasn’t sure what to say to him, and she toyed with several different ideas before

saying anything.

   “What was?”

   He turned towards her, his eyes were red and puffy, and for the first time Katsumi could

clearly see the locket in his hand.

   “My friends all made it out. They aren’t with the rest of the bodies, and I doubt the

ambulance had enough time to cart anyone out of here.”

   Kyle turned away again, once again focusing on the locket. He chocked once and

Katsumi was sure he was about to start tearing up again.

   “Still, there are a lot of familiar faces here. Mr. Trent got hit, he was my history teacher.

Malinda Thompson too, my eighth grade crush. She was the first girl to break my heart.

   He gave a slight chuckle, still having a hard time coming to grips with everything around

him.
   
   “You say that this locket can fix things? It’ll make everything go back to normal?”

   Katsumi weighed her words carefully, not sure what to say. She cast her eyes at Kyle’s

feet, trying to pick the answer that would make it easiest on him. Finally she decided to go with

the truth, half of it at least.

   “I don’t know.”

   She couldn’t say that it would fix what had gone wrong, that normality would return. If

Coryn came back he could certainly get rid of Jaska, but he doubt he had the power to raise the

dead, or wipe away the destruction of a city with a wave of his hand. She thought back to what

Fuji had done to correct the world after the Mikaboshi incident. But she knew he hadn’t done it

alone at the time. He had never revealed exactly what had happened, but she did piece together

that he had gotten help from other gods who had a stake in her reality. She wasn’t sure if the

same could be said for this case.

   “I don’t know if everything can be made as it was before. But I do know that if you open

that locket, then at least we can stop the man who did this.”

   Kyle turned back to her and considered her words for a few moments, occasionally

glancing up at her from the locket.

   “And I’m the lynch pin in all of this right? What happens to me when this thing gets

opened?”

   Katsumi clutched her arm before responding, still unsure that she was proceeding the best

she could.

   “I’m afraid so. The locket will only respond to you. As for what will happen, well, I’m

not sure exactly. All I can say is that you will have to go away for a long time.”

   He thought for a moment more, before raising the locket above his head and hurtling it

into the cold tile floor.

   Katsumi was bewildered by the act, but was relieved to see that the locket seemed

unharmed by the impact. Still, she found herself desperately trying to remember her English, and

cursed allowed at Kyle in Japanese before finally saying something he could understand.

   “What are you?!”
   
   She was abruptly cut off by Kyle’s own voice.

   “Screw you! I don’t want to be a part of anything that has to do with you, or giant spider

monsters, or any of this! All I want is to live my own God damn life in piece! I want to graduate

high school and get into a good college and make bad decisions while I’m still young! I want to

find a nice girl and get married and have two point five kids and settle down in the suburbs! I

want to get a quiet white collar job with low responsibility and a high enough salary that I can

afford to retire to Main or Washington and live out my sunset years through rainy days and little

seaside pubs! I want to tell my grandkids that I love them and that they bring me all the joy in the

world!”

   He took a deep breath, tears steadily streaming down his face.

   “I don’t want anything spectacular or different to happen to me! I never dreamed of being

a super hero, or a wizard, or the king of some far off mystic land! I dreamed about reading good

books on lazy days and going to the beach with my kids! All I ever dreamed, or wanted, or cared

about in life is just living it out in an ordinary fashion! All I ever dreamed about was being

normal!”

   The last word resonated through the building, and Katsumi finally understood.

Somewhere deep in Coryn’s mind, buried in his subconscious, was a small part of him that

wanted nothing more to be a normal human, separated from time travel and dimension hopping,

immortality and magic powers. All of time and space, traded in for a normal life. This little part

of his personality had manifested itself in Kyle, just a normal kid looking for a quiet life.

Katsumi couldn’t help but sympathize.

   She opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by the thumping of what she knew could

only be Jaska. Katsumi turned to head back outside, but as she did the roof above her

disappeared, vaporized in a waved of light and heat. Jaska was in clear view now, the barrel of

his cannon still smoking. He smiled down at the pair, and Katsumi noticed that the wound’s she

had inflicted earlier hard already scared over. Sure enough a moment later when Jaska opened

his mouth, his words came through clearly.

   “You know, It’s been quite the chase you’ve led me on today. I’m impressed, really I am.

But you know, I never thought you’d be so stupid to run off on me right when you had the upper

hand, or where you trying to get Coryn to wake up already? I guess I don’t care either way.”

   Jaska raised his arm and activated his saw, but instead of offering anymore words, he

slammed it down onto the school with lighting speed. Katsumi had just enough time to raise he

sword above her head.

   If the spider’s aim had been just a little off, she would have surely died from being hit by

the side of the spinning teeth, but his precision saved her life. She had caught the chain of the

saw in the center of her sword, and now she pushed everything she had into hold him at bay.

With one hand on the hilt and one at the tip of the blade, Katsumi held on, but the ground

beneath her was already giving way. The heat of the spinning energy burned her skin and

clothes, while the light nearly blinded her.

   Chancing a glance behind her, Katsumi spotted Kyle collapsed on the ground, his legs

having given way as terror took hold of his body. He had faced death more than once today, but

this time it was filling the entirety of his field of view. And if he remained inactive much longer,

it was assured.

   The locket was still lying before him however, and Katsumi took the only course of

action left to her. She prayed that Kyle would see it the same way.

   “Kyle! Open the locket! Now before we both die!”

   Slowly his senses came back to him. Kyle turned his gaze downwards. His arms shot out,

desperately scrambling towards the locket, and finally reaching it, pulling it towards his face.

Kyle read the engraved letters, ‘C.S.’, before taking one last bewildered look at Katsumi, and

thumbing the switch.




*dbz narrator voice*

Next time on Coryn's Saga, Arc 3: ALL WASHED UP


coming who the f8ck knows when.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on August 27, 2014, 07:44:08 PM
Spoiler
1. I know the feel about needing to read novels bro. I just went on a reading binge recently and yeah, I've been skipping some steps. Revising a long work of mine and it's atrocious. I'm 100 years too early to write.

2.  A giant mass of silver hair had appeared rising over the buildings’ tops. And it

was continuing to expand.
- I was under the impression that Jaska wanted to keep a low profile at least. Also, isn't it a classic villain mistake to grow bigger when the going gets tough?

3. Large meant slow, and shear bulk also meant that it would be more difficult to attack with accuracy, all of which would play to her favor.
*sheer

4.         “So you’re finished already then? I was just warming up the idea of having a little break \

from the action.”
* (delete backslash)

5.    Jaska raised his arm to the sky, steam billowing off of the spinning teeth of his saw as it

pierced the cloud layer.
- He's positively gigantic I see.

6. Katsumi’s kick splashed force across the top of Jaska’s head, and sent his hair to

flutter out in all directions before being directed it straight up as the street below him gave way.

- Whoa she teleported a kick or something?
* (Second part of the sentence is wonky)

7.  The outfits of the transformed Tomoshibi evolved to fit the psyche of their wearer (...)
- Pretty cool design.

8.  It shot through his neck, and Jaska let out a gasp of air as it sliced through his vocal chords. Katsumi finally broke away from him as he swatted at her with his free hand, but she was simply too quick for him.
- Haha, you say you hate action scenes but stuff like that is just too cool for school.

9. His aim was wild, and chunks of concrete and other rubble rained down from where his missed shots had impacted. But the majority were finding their mark, directly where Katsumi had landed.
- At this point the city is gone isn't it?

10. (...)combining with the first until the pressure from their combined power was slowly vaporizing city around them.
- Yeah there it goes. Did Kyle even make it out of city bounds before that happened?

11.   Breaking the surface the first thing Katsumi did was gulp down a massive breath of air to

refill her lungs and reenergize her muscles.
- Seems iffy to always refer to her muscles and air. Especially since she can do quite a lot without needing to consider such things in the first place.

12. Jaska was like an angry child in a pool, making as many waves just so he could splash the other children in the eyes.
- And he seemed so professional before...

13. It was like watching a ballet dancer (...) was doing until it was too late to avoid it.
- So, telekinesis is a big deal, huh. Interesting explanation there, but to be honest I don't see Jack or Colt employing it.  Impressive visuals as always.

14. (...)as it fried his nervous system and cooked his flesh.
- Ouch.

15. Their second strike was on target as missiles exploded against the sensitive zone where Jaska’s spindly legs connected to his back.
- The cannonfodder is surprisingly helpful for once.

16.  Still, she found herself desperately trying to remember her English, and cursed allowed at Kyle in Japanese before finally saying something he could understand.
*  aloud (though the sentence could be delivered faster)

17. "(...)All I ever dreamed about was being normal!”
- Nice

18. Kyle read the engraved letters, ‘C.S.’, before taking one last bewildered look at Katsumi, and thumbing the switch.
- And thus, he returns.

19
- As always, people have distant standards. Was another great chapter for me, but that's just my super biased reader sense talking. Jealous of your skill, wish I could write like this. There could be some places to fix to make the delivery faster, but it was quite the ride. Great to see a chapter after so long. A lot of the story has happened though without actually getting into the meat of the story. Katsumi has taken up quite a bit of screen time, but it feels like it was necessary to see. I guess this arc would be the largest?
Great work on the scene towards the end. Was effective at conveying the emotion. Bravo.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on August 27, 2014, 11:09:39 PM
Thanks, I didn't really get into the groove until the very end, and yeah, lot's to work on, never edited it. just too happy to have something i didn't bother. so, i'll leave those points untouched upon anyrate, other points:

2. With such heavy influence by sentai series, I couldn't go this whole series without having a small enemy grow into a big enemy. though I thought calling up a giant robot for Katsumi to fight in would be a little too much.

5. His size kinda varied in my mind actually. But yeah, couple hundred feet.

7. Thanks. They're probably all going to get a bit of that "time skip costume change" treatment

8. My ability to come up with awesome action scenes aside, they're still a bitch to write. And you wonder why it takes me so long to come up with these chapters.

9. It's a big city. I think. Probably. It's an alternate timeline the city is what I want it to be.

10. Think of it as a slow break up. Like things were vaporizing layer by layer

11. Any previous lack of reference to muscles or air are just sort of problems on my end. Don't be under the impression that there isn't a physical tole. Not to mention this is the third stage of the fight. After 3 chapters you'd be tired too.

12. Jaska is really pretty emotional about his work. Especially concerning why he's here. (stuff to come next chapter)

13. Well it certainly comes up a lot I've noticed. It's always been a favorite of mine at least. As for Jack and Colt, to each his own I suppose. Though I'd say Jack would be far more likely to use it than you might think. (for one reason or another)

17. Thanks. Tried to be a bit more emotional there. I don't think I've been very good with that kind of thing. I need to get better at it.

19. Yeah, definitely the longest. already at 84 pages and we haven't even started the story proper yet. (for reference, that's over half the length of arc 1, as it was posted on MR at least. This one's going to turn into my Order of the Phoenix. Though maybe not quite so large that you can wield it as a deadly object.

Part of that of course is that I want to take things a bit slower. Looking back at my old stuff (and definitely now reading actual novels by actual authors), I realize that I took things waaaay too fast. I can't forgive myself for blowing through so much time. I was too concerned with just filling everything up with action. too much "this happened then this happened then this happened" Too cut and dry. I need to fill up the story better (fill, not fluff, key difference). If that makes sense.

Plus I just really like Katsumi, and all the girls to an extent. They need more screen time. I need to fill them out better. I spent too much time just on Coryn. I need to break from that.

Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on August 28, 2014, 08:11:11 PM
Well goodluck with that. Novellas are always nice for lightish reading, and I'd recommend physical copies than ebooks if you ever have the chance.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on March 18, 2015, 05:41:29 PM
*Enters topic. Sings to story and fans of said story. voice blows away the dust*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfTMl8Fc554


Oh man oh man. started writing and stuff started happening. the only problem is that I have a bunch of homework and studying to do despite it being break and damn i really should get on that. so I wrote a chapter and change but I have to stop for the sake of my grades but here's some progress!

personally I think it's some of the best stuff I've ever written. at least at times. trying to write descriptions in a way more befitting some of the great writers out there (here's looking at you Neil Gaiman)


ALL WASHED OUT

Everything had changed in an instant. Kyle’s vision blurred, and soon he wasn’t seeing at all

anymore, not with his eyes at least. He possessed a faint, yet brutally powerful awareness of

what was transpiring around him. Katsumi was holding back the massive power of their enemy,

Jaska was bearing down with every last ounce of strength he had. She knew she was nearly

beaten, and so did he. And he knew he was nearly tapped out, but prayed she did not notice

before the end. But the rage he felt in each of them was equal, both were committed, ready to

tear into the other with only their teeth if they had to. The two were the same, but neither could

see it. Their dedication blinded them to their similarity, to their mutual truth, and nothing they

could do would ever change that.
   
   Neither could Kyle though. The realization slowly came upon him that this strange

second sight was not his own. He felt drunk, lost, like he was sitting on the edge of sleep, just a

moment’s notice from falling off into the black. There was another rising from the darkness.

They also were the same, but they were distinctly set apart. Kyle sensed that he was a part of the

other. No, the other was a part of Kyle, two parts of a whole, one to sleep, one to dream. They

too were equal. No matter the greatness of the other, nor the smallness of Kyle, in the eyes of the

universe, both were equally insignificant.

   Kyle felt his hands tighten into fists, they were only half his, but half was enough, one

last yawn, one last breath, one last sting of pain through his tired muscles. They weren’t two, not

really, they were just opposite sides of the same coin, still in the air, free falling towards an

unknown fate. He sensed it was enough, and slipped into a deep sleep once more.


   It was no longer Kyle that stood behind Katsumi in that dilapidated school. This was a

different man, a man who savored the pain shooting through his nerves, the air in his lungs, the

sweat stinging his eyes. Coryn Sken walked free in the universe once more, and before him stood

an old friend who needed his help, and an old foe which could use it as well.

   He breathed in, his eyes adjusted to the light, pupils tightening. Air left his lungs, hot and

moist, pouring back out into the world. Coryn raised his arm, and energy poured from it, fast,

and free and fluid. It cooled his skin as it moved over it. He didn’t even bother to concentrate his

power, he didn’t feel the need to. It flooded out from every pore, crawling up his arm until

finally falling upwards towards the sky, a wave of light to push back the menace above. Coryn

breathed, and it was as if his whole body was melting, defrosting for the new spring after a long

winter.


   From Katsumi’s perspective, there had been no great scene to behold, she had sensed

Coryn, only it was Kyle, and then Kyle had ceased to be, and only Coryn remained. A moment

later she felt the great weight of Jaska’s attack lift off of her, and a blinding light was building

behind her back   

With the force of the spinning blades no longer bearing down on her, Katsumi could only

let her arms fall and dangle useless at her sides. There was no power left in them, and she could

hardly believe that they had lasted as long as they did. She turned to confirm with her eyes what

her other senses had told her. Coryn stood behind her with an arm stretched out, the limb

glowing white with energy. Katsumi had never seen nor felt anything quite like it. She had

always thought of enix as something that was to be concentrated, controlled, and concise. But

looking at the way Coryn was using it in that moment, she couldn’t help but feel that that was the

correct way, the only way that it should be used. It was smooth, fluid, free. Coryn was

controlling it as much as it was controlling him. He was imbuing it with no great force of will,

but it moved as it needed without command. Both of them were in symbiosis, working in a form

of harmony that she had only read about in old scrolls.

Katsumi tried to pin down his emotions, but his face was ambivalent, somewhere

between rage and joy. Then quite unexpectedly, to Kastumi’s mind at least, he spoke to her.
   
“You’re looking good Katsumi, nice outfit. Was starting to worry you had forgotten

about me.”

Katsumi shrugged her tired shoulders.

“Oh believe me I wanted to leave you here, but Jack insisted. ‘He wouldn’t want to miss

out on this’ he said. ‘He’s probably too busy creepily hitting on high school girls’ I said.”

“Geez don’t pull any punches would ya?”

She smiled at the ground.

“Just kick his ass and let’s go home.”

“Right-o”

Coryn’s arm flashed and a pulse of energy travelled up and slammed into Jaska’s saw.

There was a great shrieking of metal on metal, and Coryn took the opportunity to fling himself

into the air, straight through the weakened blade.


Jaska had been blinded from the bright light that was building up around his saw. It felt

like he was trying to cut through sand, the deeper he pushed, the more resistance he met. He

puzzled over what was happening, as the shear mass of the blade blocked whatever was below,

until finally his senses caught up with him. It had taken him a moment to detect the subtle

change in his prey’s energy signature, but when he did it shook him to the bone. Coryn had

returned, but he had already used up almost all of his reserves fighting the damn girl. The

realization that Jaska couldn’t continue the fight took hold of him, yet he knew equally well that

he wouldn’t be able to run either. He had seen Coryn in the avenging mood before, and it was

not a force he wanted to contend with at that moment, but unfortunately he soon found that he

had no choice in the matter.
   
His saw blade buckled, and then shattered completely in half as Coryn jumped straight

through it, a blanket of energy shielding his body. The blond warrior was bare fisted, but even

unarmed as his opponent was, Jaska knew he had already missed his opportunity. Coryn had

closed in too fast, he was already inside of Jaska’s defense. A blow to the chest sent Jaska reeling

backwards. His sternum was shattered, and the wind blew out of his lungs. He began to fall, and

the rest of his energy reserves left him. Jaska could no longer hold his own transformation, and

as he fell he could feel himself reverting to normal size once again. Halfway down however,

Coryn caught up with him once again, and taking the now shrunken spider by the collar, towed

him behind himself.
   
The two collided with a building, and Coryn slammed Jaska’s back against the glass side.

Jaska’s spider limbs were sheared off nearly immediately by the jagged glass. The pain was

horrendous, but he knew they would grow back given time, but looking up, he wondered if that

time would ever come. Coryn’s mouth was smiling, happy to be awake, but his eyes told a

different story. They were wide and furious, filled with fire and anger. A beam smacked into the

back of Jaska’s head and it directed his vision downwards. Coryn’s feet were hemorrhaging

energy, burning his skin and propelling him forwards like a rocket. He wasn’t concerned with

precision, only power and speed.

Jaska’s stomach flipped as Coryn latched onto a flag pole with one hand and sent the

Spider sailing up into the air with the other. As Jaska flew up he lost sight of Coryn, but as he

began to fall and his vision once again turned towards the Earth, Coryn appeared from

nothingness directly below him. He immediately launched into a volley of blows with both arms

and legs. Jaska made as many moves to defend himself as he could, even managing to launch a

few explosive blasts with his one still functioning cannon, which thankfully hadn’t been

destroyed with Coryn had broken the rest of the saw. After landing a blast directly to Coryn’s

face, Jaska found his vision blocked by a thick field of smoke, but it quickly gave way to

Coryn’s own face, hardly scathed by the impact. Jaska braced himself as Coryn’s head impacted

his face. The blow separated them, but Jaska found that they had fallen quite far, and noted that

they were both about to impact with the ground.

Turning his cannon towards, The Spider fired at the last second. The blast scorched him,

but it was successful altering his trajectory, deflecting him off to the side and away from Coryn

who smashed down not a second later. Sailing over the roofs of abandoned cars, Jaska craned his

neck to regain sight of his opponent. Coryn was still blasting energy from his feet to propel

himself along, but he seemed matched with Jaska’s own velocity. But Jaska’s lead was quickly

dying off as gravity dragged him back down and into the pavement. Not wasting the opportunity,

Jaska flipped in the air, leveled his cannon at Coryn’s approaching form, and waited.

When Coryn was within half a foot from Jaska’s canon, he pulled the trigger. The

cigarette lighter like barrel flared with yellow energy as excess power was vented along its

porous shaft. But before the blast could hit him, Coryn disappeared. The explosive sailed

harmlessly away, and Jaska felt a gust of wind as Coryn reappeared just a few feet below Jaska’s

outstretched arm. His eyes swiveled down just in time to watch Coryn uncoil, launching a

powerful uppercut to Jaska’s chin, sending him flying up towards the sky. He blacked out, and

Jaska had ascended several hundred feet before he regained consciousness. Already however he

knew Coryn was behind him, holding him in a grapple. Jaska knew that the battle was over. A

sliver of sun broke through the clouds, illuminating him in what may be his final moments. He

breathed in, tried to relax, and began his conjoined descent with Coryn still gripping him tightly.


Katsumi had been barely able to keep up with the battle. She might have done better were

it not for her high level of exhaustion, but even then, it would not have been easy. The two

combatants had nearly disappeared after leaving the school, only appearing to her as clouds of

dust thrown up into the air or flashing points of light in the sky. Finally however they seemed to

slow down, starting up high in the air, and beginning a sharp descent towards the Earth.

   
Katsumi used kuupu to transport herself to where she figured their approximate landing

site would be, and she found that her estimate was spot on. What had become nearly a single

dark figure slammed down in front of her, a wave of force blasted out from their landing, and

Katsumi finally got a clear picture of the action. Jaska was on his knees, Coryn was behind him,

grappling his right arm, still gripping his remaining canon, against The Spider’s back. What

happened next Katsumi could not see, but the results were undeniable.

With one instant Jaska was on his knees, Coryn stood behind him, and in the next Jaska

was flat on the ground, but he had lost his right arm. Coryn had relinquished his hold of him

completely, but in one hand he held Jaska’s right arm aloft, its now randomly firing nerves

causing the cannon to fire sporadically into the air. In his other hand Coryn held on of his

swords. It was devoid of blood, and Katsumi had no idea where he had gotten it from, but it was

almost certainly what Coryn had used to sever Jaska’s arm from his body.

Tossing his blade aside, Coryn gripped Jaska’s arm with both hands, and slammed the

still hot barrel against the side of Jaska’s head, pushing the right side of his face hard against the

ground, scratching his face and grinding dirt into his features. Katsumi took in the putrid smell of

burning hair and flesh, and recoiled as she heard a slight sizzling. She was about to speak out in

opposition to executing their opponent, but Jaska beat her to the punch.

“Alright, alright, alright, let’s not get hasty Coryn! You wouldn’t want to do something

you’ll regret right?!”

   Coryn adjusted his hold on the arm and what seemed to be small bolts of electricity

crackled on his finger tips.

   “You know if I just give the right muscle a little jolt, I could blow your head clean off. So

tell me Jaska, what’s one good reason that I shouldn’t do that?”

   “You’re a good guy remember! You’re supposed to be the big damn hero! Heroes don’t

just go around executing people right?!”

   Coryn screamed directly into his ear.

   “Try me!”

   Katsumi yelled out at him, her voice breaking slightly.

   “Coryn!”

   He looked up at her and some of the rage drained out of his eyes. Coryn took a deep

breath before turning back to Jaska.

   “You killed a lot of people today Jaska, good chances are that I can’t fix this mess, that

this day can’t be reset. They can’t be brought back to life! What do you have to say to that?!”

   “What do you?!”

   Jaska’s reaction caught Katsumi off guard, but Coryn seemed unfazed. The Spider

continued on.
   
   “You know why I’m after you Sken. You know why I can’t stop until I kill you. It’s not

just what you’ve done to me personally. It’s about everything you’ve done your whole damn life!

I can’t stop until I reconcile that!”
   
   Katsumi couldn’t make sense of Jaska’s reaction, but it caused Coryn’s body to slack,

and for a moment it seemed like he was about to pull way. But then a bolt of energy leapt out of

his fingers and into Jaska’s severed arm. The cannon roared to life, and blasted straight down.

Dust and dirt clouded Katsumi’s vision, but as it cleared she could see a small crater now existed

before her, Coryn stood in it above Jaska’s body, silent and still. But as the dust continued to

clear observed that Jaska’s head was still attached to the rest of him, and he was still perfectly

alive. Coryn had altered the barrel’s aim at the last second, and shot right next to Jaska. The blast

had burnt the back of his head, but otherwise he seemed unharmed.

   Coryn tossed the arm into the air and with a flick of his and an orb of concentrated enix,

turned it and the cannon to dust. Jaska slumped into the crater, breathing heavily, on eye swollen

shut, the other focused on Coryn.

   “Just going to leave then? Not ready to finish me off yet?”

   “Doesn’t look like it.”

   The Spider smiled. “Guess I can’t complain.”

   He lifted up his remaining arm to his ear, and seemed to speak to no one but himself.

Shortly afterwards was looked to Katsumi like a flying brick appeared swooping down from a

nearby building. It was shedding off some sort of invisibility field, and Jaska took no time

clambering inside as fast as his broken body would let him. The craft lifted off before closing its

rear doors, and Jaska shouted down at Coryn as they slid shut.

   “Dasvidaniya ublyudok!”

   The doors shut and the shuttle rocketed off into the atmosphere, quickly disappearing into

nothing. With the threat gone, Katsumi turned around to find Coryn. He was sitting quietly on an

upturned vehicle, smoking a cigarette as his features aged back to a man of his early twenty’s.

None of the clothes he was wearing fit quite right anymore, but they were so torn to hell that it

didn’t seem to matter to him anymore.

   Coryn looked down at Katsumi, who was eyeing him suspiciously.

   “Wondering why I let him go?”

   “Among other things.”

   He took a long drag of his cigarette and let the smoke billow out with each word of his

response.

   “Jaska and I share a rather intertwined past. As it just so happens though that’s only half

of the reason.”

   “And the other reason?”

   Another long drag.

   “Killing people isn’t what makes someone evil. It’s why they kill people. I’ve killed

people, you’ve killed people, and not all of them have necessarily been evil people either.

Sometimes they’re just unfortunate.”

   Katsumi wasn’t satisfied with the answer she was getting so far. It wasn’t like Coryn to

be so callous when it came to death.

   “So what about the civilians who died today? Were they just unfortunate?”

   Coryn eyed her.

   “Yes! But their blood is on my hands, not Jaska’s! Jaska is a monster, the way he fights

causes destruction on its own. I can’t blame the predator for being true to its nature, but I can

blame myself for putting others in the way of the predator.”
   
   He smashed his cigarette butt against the car to extinguish it.

   “I should have chosen a better place to hide.”

   Katsumi shifted her weight, carefully calculating Coryn’s current mindset.

   “So  you’re saying that Jaska really isn’t evil because he’s just another animal and it’s all

your fault because you’re a *censored*ty planner.”

   “Well I-”

   “Get over it Coryn!”

   Coryn was about to say something but cut himself off as Katsumi clearly had something

to say.

   “He’s a monster! You said it, I thought it, he confirmed it! People kill monsters because

they are monsters damn it! That’s just what you do with them! And don’t give me some *censored*

about you being a pour planner! I know you well enough to know that you considered the fact

that you would be putting all of these people in danger, and that you thought what you were

doing was important enough to risk all of their lives! I know what all of that is just a big excuse

so that you don’t have to tell me what is really going through your convoluted head, so just come

out with it and tell me!”

   Coryn was taken aback by the verbal onslaught, but it seemed to ease his mind, and he

cracked his first genuine smile all day.

   “I think Jaska has the potential to do more good for the universe than he ever did bad. He

just needs to figure a few things out first. I just want him to have good direction.”


   Katsumi fell back onto the ground. She couldn’t stand to keep holding herself up, but at

least she had finally gotten a straight answer out of Coryn.

   “That’s good enough for me. I may not like the idea of unwilling sacrifice for the greater

good, but I get it.”

   Coryn lit another cigarette and collected his thoughts as he smoked it. Katsumi remained

quiet, save for the sound of her heavy breaking slowly returning to normal. After a few slow

minutes, Coryn finally asked what was weighing on his mind.

   “So then, why did you come to get me?”

   Katsumi lifted herself back up, and met Coryn in the eyes. She wanted to put a positive

spin on the news somehow, but she couldn’t find the words. Finally she resolved to simply say it

as it was.

   “The Kurousen is open. We failed.”



Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Echo_River on March 20, 2015, 10:20:57 AM
He Has Returned!!

Awesome part Coryn!
I felt a surge of excitement at the transformation part. Great to have him kicking again.

...
He let the 'bad guy' go. 0_0

Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on March 20, 2015, 01:04:13 PM
Thanks River! (Hiver?) Echo!

I've realized that in the past I dealt with pretty much nothing but characters who are objectively good or objectively evil. So I got to mix that up a little.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on March 28, 2015, 07:57:08 PM
The fluidity of the writing really just took its own element this time around. You totally enjoyed writing this chapter didn't you? It was a very exciting read and quite awing actually. Really great work Coryn. It was strange to see the titular character fight bare handed but it seems he really can just hold on his own. I'm thinking Jaska was going to win this one until he resurrected like that.

I was also strangely thinking than an execution headshot would have been more evil and deliberate than actual killing during the heat of battle, which is really strange. I'm interested in the sort of path that they're talking about.

That last statement was chilling and quite shocking. Isn't that like a super major thing to happen? So I guess the sacrifice was in vain... I wonder who was responsible for that happening.

Great chapter, Coryn, really fun writing inspiring and fun to read.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on March 28, 2015, 10:12:47 PM
You're askin' all the right questions man.


The fluidity of the writing really just took its own element this time around. You totally enjoyed writing this chapter didn't you? It was a very exciting read and quite awing actually. Really great work Coryn. It was strange to see the titular character fight bare handed but it seems he really can just hold on his own. I'm thinking Jaska was going to win this one until he resurrected like that.

Yeah, I got a nice good mood when I wrote it. Like old times. The action felt good to write for once, quick and punchy. Actually reading other books and studying them has helped me a lot I think. There are so many better ways to write combat then to be cut and dry about all the stuff is happening. In the past I was too concerned with quantity, not enough on quality.


I was also strangely thinking than an execution headshot would have been more evil and deliberate than actual killing during the heat of battle, which is really strange. I'm interested in the sort of path that they're talking about.

You're thinking isn't so strange though, execution style head shots are definitely more evil than a kill in the heat of battle.

That last statement was chilling and quite shocking. Isn't that like a super major thing to happen? So I guess the sacrifice was in vain... I wonder who was responsible for that happening.

Or was it? bum bum bum!
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on June 01, 2015, 07:07:06 PM
bits away



THE SHATTERED GLASS

Coryn nearly swallowed his cigarette.

   “What?!”
   
   Katsumi was back up on her feet, and paced slowly back and forth between the impact

crater and where Coryn’s sword at embedded itself in pile of rubble.
   
   “I know, I know. We were all very surprised.”

   “But we closed it! I closed it! I should remember, it nearly tore me down to atoms!”

   “Yes I remember I was there.”

   Coryn was exasperated.

   “Damn it! I thought killing Shiro and pulling it closed would be enough, but that must

mean my own energy was keeping it open even when it was suppressed as deeply as I could get

it. Katsumi that only leaves one option, you have to kill me!”

   “I’m not killing you!”

   “That’s the only way to keep it from-!”

   “It’s stable!”

   Coryn found himself dumbstruck. “Huh?”

   She stopped pacing. “Colt was doing a routine check up on it. It’s open again, but it’s

entirely stable. No chance of the universe imploding whatsoever.”

   Coryn slipped off of the car, and started pacing around in Katsumi’s place.

   “But that doesn’t make any sense! The four of us couldn’t even close it when we worked

together, and that was when it was tiny! And I can understand that if I failed to close it that it

would have popped open again right away, but it’s been what, a year? It would have broken open

again much sooner than this, and it would have definitely not become a stable portal. If someone

did stabilize it they would have to have been monstrously powerful. Some sort of godly

intervention do you think, demonic possibly?”
   
   Katsumi put her hands up in a stopping motion to try and calm Coryn down, but it only

seemed to cause him to start mumbling to himself under his breath instead of out

loud. She sighed and ignored him.

   “Look Coryn I’m not really sure right now. But we’ve all agreed that since it’s stable we

shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth and concentrate on the actual problem, which would be

the stuff that has or will come through it.”

   Finally Coryn seemed to collect himself and process the situation.

   “Right, right, what has come through so far?”

   “Do you have to ask? It’s the nega-us, Alexis, Alina, Kalya, and…” Katsumi almost

gagged as she said the last name. “Naomi…”

   Coryn seemed concerned, but not as concerned as he probably should have.

   “Are you having trouble with them? You did a pretty good job last time around, and I can

tell you’ve leveled up since then. You guys should be on equal footing at least.”

   “It’s more about their tactics Coryn. It’s all very hit and run type stuff. They only ever

seem to strike when one of us or the rest of The Five aren’t around. It’s like they’re teasing us.”

   He shrugged, which pissed Katsumi off, but she could understand the gesture.

   “Sounds like they’re just sore about losing, but I really don’t think they’re much of a

concern. I’m more worried about what stabilized that portal, and what else might come out of it.

We have enough trouble dealing with the crap that comes from our side of the multiverse.”

   Katsumi studied Coryn for a moment as he paced around. Sirens were getting closer, but

were still appreciably far off. The city was still in hiding.

   “If it was just that Coryn, we wouldn’t be worried. They’re too smart. They come in,

strike, fall back. One of The Five always go after them, but somehow they always lose them in

some backwater dimension. I’ve tagged along a few times, they don’t leave a trace when they

disappear, it’s uncanny.”

   Coryn nodded at her, rubbing his chin gently.

   “Shiro was exceptionally gifted at such a technique. It’s likely that they picked it up from

him.”

   “Then how come they didn’t demonstrate it before now?”

   “Perhaps they didn’t need to. Perhaps they only learned afterwards out of necessity. If I

had caused the same kind of trouble they did, hiding would become my top priority as well.”

   Katsumi smirked. “Sorry to break it to you, but it kinda did.”

   Coryn chuckled back. “So it would seem.”

   The sirens had become quite loud, no farther than around the next block. Katsumi gazed

off in their direction and contemplated the day’s events. She had come here seeking Coryn, and

she had succeeded, but she had also been reminded where he went trouble always seemed to

follow. Though at times it occurred to her that maybe it was actually Coryn always arriving

where trouble was. The causality of it all was troubling and confusing both, and perhaps that was

just the way of things, some truth of the universe that didn’t need explaining.

   Katsumi wiped the dirt off of her face the best she could and broke her transformation,

but it only reminded her just how much she wanted to change out of the now ruined school

uniform. For a moment she contemplated changing back, but decided against it, there would be

no use in garnering more attention to themselves.

   “You ready to go yet Coryn?”

   Upon turning around Katsumi found that Coryn’s clothes had been mended into shape,

and that his shorts had extended down into cargo pants. He had also replaced his bare feet with

the customary white Nike’s. Katsumi reflected on her own disheveled state.
   
   “You really have got to teach me that one.”

   Coryn smirked. “I don’t know, The Regenerating Clothes Technique is highly advanced,

you’re probably not skilled enough for it yet.”
   
   He put on his best *censored* eating grin, Katsumi wore her best ‘I’m going to punch you’ face.

Coryn took the hint.

   “But yes, I’m ready to go whenever. Let me take us off, wouldn’t want you to lose your

legs.”
   
   Katsumi blushed out of embarrassment and a little rage. “I got here just fine didn’t I?

Leave my legs out of it!”

   He saluted. “Yes Ma’am!”

   “Prick.”

   “You know you missed me.”

   She smiled just slightly. “A little.”

   Coryn gave her a light bump on the shoulder then clasped his hand down on it. With a

short flash of light they disappeared, and left a broken city to piece itself back together.


   
   Dirt, dust, moon-light. Naomi Amano’s vision was filled with these things as she sat

upon just one of the inverse pyramids filling the desert, each one supported by its own pillar of

soft blue light. All the leftovers of an ancient civilization, long ago lost to the sand.
 
        It was beneath her.

        Humans were pathetically mortal. Everything about them was destined to waste away.

Their structures, their art, their writings, their very histories, even their worlds. Nothing would

ever survive, nothing ever could.

         Not even Shiro.

         The one man who actually stood a chance of delivering her the destiny she desired, the

one path she had, was dead. Naomi didn’t feel sad for him of course. Shiro had only ever been a

means to an end for her. But what he had promised her was a more serious loss. Power, real

power, and the knowledge of immortality, everything was gone. Even if, she realized, it may

have only been a part of an elaborate lie.

        It had only come to light after the events in the palace, after they had discovered Shiro’s

corpse, after they had buried him and set out to take revenge. Through the few words they

exchanged in battle, she had pieced together something resembling a complete picture. Shiro’s

only motivation was to get back at his friends who in his mind had wronged him deeply, and to

do it he was going to wipe away existence itself. The plan was of course ludicrous, but somehow

to Shiro it seemed that it was the greatest payback of all. In a way Naomi could follow his logic,

but every time she thought about it, her own instinct for self preservation kicked in, and

dissolved her train of thought into a blurry mess. Still, she wasn’t sure if she quite believed it

herself. It seemed entirely likely to her that their alternate selves were making up the entire thing

as a way to place them off-balance.

        Then again, if she couldn’t trust herself, then who could she trust?

        The other her, Katsumi, seemed so adamant in what she said, so certain. And after all,

were they not the same person? Even in the grand scheme of the multiverse, they were merely

flipsides of one coin, directly mirrored. In an infinitude of alternate selves, Katsumi was the

closest one to herself. But regardless of the truth, Naomi found herself needing another plan. And

the more she thought, the more she realized the one option she had left.

   “Could it really be possible?”

   Another voice rang out above her. “For you to stop being an angsty bitch? Probably not!”

   Naomi glanced up at another inverted pyramid that was slowly drifting next to the one

she occupied. Alina was lying on her back with her head drooped over the side. Kalya stood next

to her, silently blowing bubbles of bright pink gum.
   
   “Honestly you’ve been like this for months. It’s seriously starting to bum me out!”

   Naomi’s eyes flicked back down to the bottom of the narrow pyramid, and briefly

wondered about the power source that kept it afloat, specifically what kind of force it would take

to cause it to detonate.

   “Caving in your face might help some.”

   Alina chuckled in response and rolled over onto her front. Placing her arms on the edge

of the stone platform she rested her head against them.

   “Well I suppose having you like this isn’t so bad. What’s really pissing me off is

spending all of our time on some backwater planet. Why can’t we just go in, kick our flip-side’s

asses, then take their place? I miss our old temple.”

   Kalya popped another bubble above her. “Because since you’ve obviously forgotten, they

have Shiro’s old posse keeping them company nowadays.”

   She sighed. “I know that Babe, it was more of a rhetorical question.”

   The thought had been on Naomi’s mind as well. Her life had been much neater before

Shiro had showed up. She had a home and some sense of place. But when an omnicidal maniac

shows up and kills most of the people you’ve ever known, you can start to resent the place in

which it happened.
   
   “We don’t need it. We’ll build a new place for us, one that’s our own.”

   Alina yawned and nuzzled her head deeper into her arms. “Sometimes I miss when you

were the leader y’know?”

   As if on cue, Naomi felt a pulse of energy as Alexis arrived behind her. Of the four of

them Alexis had taken Shiro’s death the hardest, and she had been hell-bent on retaliation in any

form she could find it ever since. Her arrival had roused Alina’s attention however, and she lifted

her head back to a vertical position.
   
   “Did you have a fun trip? Please tell me you brought us back something to eat.”

   Alexis was stony faced. It had been her only expression other than rage since Shiro’s

defeat, and she only cast Alina an icy glare.

   “I’ll take that as a no…”

   She came to a sudden stop. “We’re going after them again.”

   Kalya broke her silence. “We just did that! What’s changed now?”

   “Their Naomi is gone, and so are the rest of Shiro’s friends. All we have to contend with

are the other three girls and the usual retainers.”

   Naomi twisted around and looked up at Alexis.

   “And just how did you find this information out?”

   The two stared each other down for a moment before Alexis finally responded.

   “I was just there, they couldn’t tell I was there, couldn’t sense me…”

   She paused for a time, finding it hard to say what she wanted to.
   
   “Learned from Shiro-sama, how to perfect the technique...”

    Alexis practically choked on the name. It pissed Naomi off. She had never approved of

the closeness Alexis shared with Shiro. Even if Naomi knew it was a primarily one way street.

Alexis had been proud and independent once, but Shiro had made her into something weaker,

something lesser. However, Naomi was not about to share this sentiment with Alexis, or even

Alina and Kalya. She could not afford to sow seeds of discontent after all, not when there was

business to be done, and destiny to be achieved.

   Naomi smirked, truly excited for the first time in over a year.

   “Alright then Alex, lead the way.”

   
   
   
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on June 02, 2015, 11:41:30 AM
I forgot Coryn smoked for some reason, also the fact that he wore nikies, that's pretty interesting.

More of a transitionary chapter than anything, but it was good to get the descriptions, just not clear what Coryn meant about Katsumi's legs? I suspect that's just me having the attention span of a goldfish though.

I wonder what the heck the other Five are doing. And for some reason I also forgot where in the world their flip sides are.

Sort of a troll move, not repairing the city, but I imagine that would've been a pain in the backside...
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: gsmonks on June 02, 2015, 02:54:56 PM

He let the 'bad guy' go. 0_0

Heh- you do that with fish! I wonder . . .  ;D
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on June 02, 2015, 07:44:46 PM
I forgot Coryn smoked for some reason, also the fact that he wore nikies, that's pretty interesting.

Pretty sure I haven't mentioned those facts since arc 1. maybe a small reference to white nikes in arc 2.

but hey, if you've found your favorite shoes, you don't let them go.


More of a transitionary chapter than anything, but it was good to get the descriptions, just not clear what Coryn meant about Katsumi's legs? I suspect that's just me having the attention span of a goldfish

That goes back to a reference I made a few chapters ago (which is like a real time year, so it's forgiven). would be better if you were actually reading this thing in proper series.

which itself is a reference to like 5 years ago in something that never even got finished. basically: It's a well known law of self-powered dimensional travel that if you perform it wrong, you'll end up at your destination with having left your legs behind at wherever you started from.

Which is why when Katsumi first shows up, she desperately checks herself out to insure that yes, her legs are still attached.


this time.


I wonder what the heck the other Five are doing. And for some reason I also forgot where in the world their flip sides are.

You probably shouldn't remember where the Nega-Five are, since I have never made reference to them, nor do I know myself.


Sort of a troll move, not repairing the city, but I imagine that would've been a pain in the backside...

Let's just say that it would be beyond Coryn's power to fix that wrong.




He let the 'bad guy' go. 0_0

Heh- you do that with fish! I wonder . . .  ;D

You have to let the occasional bad guy go in order to not decimate the population. That way next Bad Guy Season there's still enough bad guys left for everyone.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on January 01, 2018, 09:09:16 PM
It's a crying shame when your own story topic tells you just how long since it's been posted in as a warning. That's some serious shade it's throwing at me. :/

But I digress. It has been a long time, and that's my fault. I apologize sincerely to anyone who is still interested in reading this thing of mine. To make it up to yah, as a special New Years surprise, I got two fresh chapters for y'all. Well, one fresh chapter and one I never got around to editing/posting back in the summer when I actually wrote it.

Here's to a new year, with reinvigorated writing energies!

Enjoy~!



DANCE DANCE TANGO
DANCE DANCE TANGO

Coryn touched down along the stony path leading up to the castle. Verdant forest stretched out in

all directions around him, and he found himself leaning into the light wind. “Ahh…Such a nice

day.”

   Katsumi stood beside him, picking at her half burnt, half shredded uniform with some

concern to its remaining structural integrity. “It will be once I get a change of clothes. What are

the chances of you teaching me that clothing technique again?”
   
   Coryn shrugged as he started walking up the path. “I don’t know. I’ll need to pencil it in

to my schedule. Right between figuring out this new mess and catching up will the news from

the last year. Do you have any idea how long it’s going to take to read my email?”
   
   Somewhat incredulous, Katsumi asked. “You have an email?”
   
   He scoffed. “Who doesn’t? I may have some fancy tech but I don’t get messages beamed

straight into my brain. Too many side-effects to be worth it. I just have Moon sort through it all.”

Coryn stopped and turned. “Speaking of, how is the little man?”

   Katsumi brushed past him. “Happiest he’s been since I’ve known him. Keeps telling

everybody how this is ‘the best year of his life’ and how ‘he’s never gotten so much work

done’!” She smirked. “Truth be told I thinks he misses you. He makes too big of a deal about it

not to.”
   
   “Yeah, that sounds about right.” Coryn replied. “I’d chalk it up to Stockholm Syndrome,

but he’s too cold and calculating for such heavy emotions as ‘friendship’.”

   Katsumi caught herself laughing at their mutual IT man, but kept herself from getting too

carried away. It was easy to forget Moon was an actual human being, even if he lacked the body

with which to prove the fact. His constant complaining was generally good natured after all, and

as Sam had explained to her; Complaining was a basic fact of life for the British, like poor

weather and a love of queuing. She herself had only managed to overcome it by strict upbringing

and good manners.
   
   The sun read that it was only late morning, but the two had experienced a jump in their

point of reference for time when traveling across the dimensional planes. So, each was

experiencing a bizarre form of jet lag, known only to time travelers, and people who take

knockout drugs on nonstop flights from London to Hong Kong. Katsumi was fast

coming to grips with the fact that her lunch of granola bar was not high enough in calories to

offset destroying half of downtown Miami. Coryn too was experiencing a strange hunger in

which he could only remember eating over a year ago, but with an odd sensation that he

needed to burn off a series of saturated fat laden school lunches.

   A silence had broken out between the two as each was consumed by their own thoughts.

It was only interrupted by the occasional creaking of tree branches and windblown leaves, but

even the ambient sound of the forest had its limit. Every few minutes, the pair was treated to a

few moments of blissful silence.

   That was until one such lull however, when bolt of gleaming energy erupted from the

foliage in front of them.

   Coryn stood straight in its path, but leaped into the air as it closed the distanced. His arc

flipped him completely around, and as he came down his foot landed along the projectile’s shaft.

The kick sent the arrow to the ground, forcing it to explode between himself and the stone steps.

A force wave rocked the area, sending Katsumi off to the side in a flurry of blackened leaves,

and Coryn rocketing straight towards the probable source of the attack.

   For a moment all was silent, but Katsumi’s ears registered the high pitched wine of a

kuupo teleport, immediately followed up by a loud smack far off to her right. Instinct kicked in,

and Katsumi ducked low as the ragdoll like body of Kalya was flung over her head, once again

disappearing into the thick forest on the opposite side of the path.

   Coryn reappeared, gently massaging his right shin. “I got a good kick in, but I doubt

she’s out for the count. She’s probably already conscious again.”

   Katsumi transformed in a flash, relishing the change in outfit. School uniforms were

never her style anyways. “Where there’s one evil doppelganger…”

   “There’s fire.” Finished Coryn. “We should get going.” He turned up the path, but

Katsumi turned down it. Kalya was standing against a tree, bow at the ready.

   “Not so fast dip *censored*s!” Her right pauldron was smashed in, likely from Coryn’s kick, but

her shoulder seemed unbroken. “You aren’t done with me yet.”
   
   Coryn shoved his hands into his pockets and sighed. “Come on now. It’s two against one,

and one of those two happens to have just got a whole year of R and R. Are you really looking to

have this fight?”

   She faltered for a second as she considered the idea of just retreating to some isolated

corner of the multiverse to live out her days. But Kalya quickly fell back on the rage and need for

revenge festering inside of her. She loosed another arrow at Coryn, but this time he dodged to the

left. It sailed harmlessly past him. He looked more disappointed than anything, which only

served to enrage Kalya further.

Coryn was already heading in her direction with alarming speed, and Kalya dropped to

the ground in order to avoid another swift kick to her abdomen. As she popped back up, Katsumi

was already on top of her, swinging down with a sword engulfed in flaming red energy. This too

Kalya escaped, but not without singed armor and the sickening smell of sizzling human flesh.

She thought to herself. “Damn it! When did she learn that!”

The only response she received was an elbow to the back of the head. Kalya had lost

track of Coryn already, and paid the price as stars filled her vision and she felt her footing slip.

She knew she was going to the ground, but managed to somewhat salvage the situation by

turning it into a roll back down the stone steps. “Not yet!” Mid bounce, Kalya disappeared with

a high pitched whine. She was moving through the trees once again, quickly circling Coryn and

Katsumi, randomly changing direction and orientation, teleporting rapidly to keep them off

balance. “Not yet, not yet! I just have to hold them off, stay alive! Just until the others finish up

above and realize what’s going on down here! Just until then!”


Kalya began to fire, filling the path with bolt of exploding energy. The dense foliage was

quickly transformed into a bombed out clearing. She could no longer see her opponents through

the smoke, but Kalya could sense their moments, and knew for a fact both were stuck in

defensive postures. The archer probed for an opening in their defenses, and finally found one.

Coryn let his arms slip open just an inch too far, and Kalya took her chance. Letting fly a few

more red-herrings, she took her ultimate position, and readied an extra powerful arrow, pouring

the last of her remaining energy into it. “Checkmate Sken!”

The arrow went exactly where it was supposed to. Right through Coryn’s arms, right to

his neck, but by the time the deadly energy finally reached it, Coryn, and his neck, were long

gone. Kalya’s eyes widened as she watched Coryn close the distance between the two of them in

an instant. Time dilated as she watched his sword materialize, and begin an arc which would

terminate with her own termination. Kalya closed her eyes, thought of how Alina would take the

news, and resigned herself. “Damn…”

Kalya found herself pleasantly surprised then, when the next sound to reach her ears was

not the noise of Coryn’s blade smoothly freeing her body from her head, but the characteristic

sputtering screech of steel clashing against an energy field. She chanced a peak at her savior, and

to Kalya’s relief, she found Alina between Coryn and herself, with strings clenched tightly

around Coryn’s sword.

With their momentum gone, all three dropped to the ground, landing among the

splintered and felled trees of the forest. Alina spoke to Kalya, but didn’t dare break eye contact

with Coryn, who to his credit, also appeared pleased by the turn of events. “Sorry I’m late babe. I

just couldn’t get away from work.”

Kalya finally collapsed to the ground. “I’ll forgive you, but only because I’m in a

forgiving mood.”

“That’s the spirit.” Replied Alina, before addressing Coryn. “What’s the matter Sken?

You seem a little rusty. A year ago you would have sliced right through both of us.”
   
Coryn shrugged with his free. “What can I say? Maybe I’ve gone soft?” Alina replied by

bunching up the strings from her left hand and delivering a solid punch to his face. Coryn was

dislodged by the attack, and sailed back a few feet. Landing, he slashed away a few strikes

before retreating back to Katsumi’s side.

Katsumi had maintained her guard, but was obviously still too worn out from her battle

with Jaska to be able to continue the fight. Coryn noted his and put his hand on her shoulder,

slowly applying pressure to get her to relax her muscles. “Just leave this one to me Katsumi.

You’ve had enough for one day.”

She shrugged him off. “I’m fine enough to defend myself. You just keep your

concentration on Alina. I’ve known Eva long enough to realize that her powers are the trickiest

of the bunch.” Coryn opened his mouth to retort, but was cut off as Alina engaged him again. He

leapt to the side as the strings began to attack him from all sides and angles. Coryn found himself

in an ever changing three-dimensional maze of energy. The tip of a string would come from

behind, only to double back as soon as he dodged it to try and impale him once again. Even

brushing against the side of one would singe his skin, and more than once he had to contort

himself to avoid a slash from a section of one of the strings changing direction without warning.

There seemed to be no end or beginning to the strings from Coryn’s perspective within

them, but he knew that each one had to eventually lead back to his target. The inherent weakness

of the gauntlets was that they could not be so easily discarded if the situation called for it, and

that if one could withstand physical contact with the strings, then disrupting the user was merely

a matter of finding the right time and place. With this in mind, Coryn began to watch. When one

string moved, it necessitated moving the others. While this meant the mass was ever changing

and ever moving, which would overwhelm most who fell into it. But, if one could survive and

observe for long enough, then they could eventually determine the relationship between the

‘bars’ of the prison.

Luckily for Coryn, he met all of the above criteria, and when he saw his opening, he took

it. Dashing towards a string near the center of the cage, he gripped it firmly, and yanked. His

flesh was scalded by the pure energy he found himself holding, but to his relief, he felt both

ends of string give way. He had taken Alina by surprise, and pulled her off her feet. It wasn’t a

drastic change, but her lapse in concentration allowed Coryn to escape into open air once again.

Coryn broke out near the top of the tangled mass, and Alina quickly clocked him. It

would only take Coryn a moment to get reoriented, and Alina knew that she wouldn’t be able to

surround him again before he could catch up to her. Fortunately for Alina however, she never

planned attack him in the first place.

She had considered the fact that Katsumi would attack her while she was engaged with

Coryn. But Katsumi had stayed back during the conflict, keeping her defenses up, but otherwise

content to remain on the sidelines and let Coryn handle the two girls. Alina saw this flaw in

strategy, and took her opportunity. Instead of retracting her jumble of strings, Alina broke them.

With their connection to the gauntlets severed, the existing strings shattered into millions of

globules of energy. The effect was like that of aluminum chaff dropped from an airplane. Coryn

lost his line of sight with Katsumi and Alina, and Alina gained her chance to strike.

The silvered hair girl took off like a bolt. Straightening out her fingers, five short threads

formed on her right gauntlet, and Alina had every intention of using them to rip right through

Katsumi. “No one to stop me this time girl!” Alina plunged forward, Katsumi raised her sword to

parry, but Alina could see that her guard was too wide. Katsumi was open.

It was with this belief in mind, that Alina struck. And so it came to her great surprise,

when the cloud of green light above her was blasted away, blowing out into a wide ring. This

gave her some pause, and as she looked up she was just in time to watch a dark shadow lance

down from the heavens and strike her forearm.

The force of the impact drove Alina to the ground, and before she knew it she was stuck.

To her great displeasure, she realized that the object was a tri-pointed spear with a long blue

handle, which meant that its user could not be far away. Alina cast her gaze about to see where

her new attacker was, which made it all the more surprising when two sounds met her ear. The

first was a heavy metal boot slamming into her flank, freeing her from her pinned position, but

also sending her bouncing against the torn up pathway. The second was the sound of Samantha

York’s voice reverberating through the air. “Get away from Kat!”

Sam stood tall before Katsumi, armor gleaming in the sun. Coryn was still watching the

scene play out from above, and was himself shocked by the leap he had witnessed Sam perform

when attacking Alina. Looking more closely at her now, Coryn also noticed that both her legs

and arms were covered in plate armor. When he had last seen her, Sam had only a light covering

of chainmail to protect her extremities. “It really seems like they’ve been gearing up for war

since I was last around.
” Coryn thought. “I hope it doesn’t come to that.

Far below, Alina was inspecting her arm. The curved inner edge of the spear had gone

right though the armor on her forearm, and cut dangerously close to the bone. Alina’s right arm

was shot until it could be bandaged up, and she knew it. Kalya was barely standing, and she

knew it. Samantha’s arrival meant that her other two fellow sisters-in-arms had failed, and she

knew it. The enemy’s forces had closed around her, and given the choice between surviving with

Kalya and a glorious last stand, Alina knew which she was going to choose. “Bastards…”

Alina disappeared to the shriek of kuupo, and reappeared at Kalya’s side. Grabbing Kalya

with her one good hand, Alina stared down their mirror’s compatriots. “Don’t think this is over!

We’ll be back, and you’ll be dead!” With a flash of light, Alina and Kalya exited that dimension

for their own.

Sam planted her spear in the ground and leaned against it, armor clinking as it settled into

place. “That girl just doesn’t know what’s good for her eh Kat?”

Katsumi laughed quietly in response. “I’m not so sure we do either Sam. How are things

above?”

“Can’t complain. No worse than usual Love.” Replied Sam as Coryn finally touched

down next to her. Leaving her spear stuck in the churned up earth, Sam jogged over to Coryn and

hugged him tightly. “Good to see you again old man! Seems like Kat pulled you out in one piece.

Though it looks like she went through Hell to do it.”

Coryn reciprocated the hug and chuckled. “You should see the other guy.”

Sam released him. “Other guy?”

   The ‘old man’ patted Sam on the shoulder as he went to help prop up Katsumi. “I’ll

explain on the walk up. Just be glad this isn’t a competition, cause if it was, Katsumi would be

winning pretty hard right now.”

   Sam threw her hands into the air with just a touch of melodramatic exasperation. “She’s

winning? I just saved the poor girl’s life! What kind of points do I get for that?” She winked at

Coryn, who got the joke and gave her a smile in return.
   
   “A solid second place I reckon. But only until we get to the castle and Camarin and Eva

tell me about the cool stuff they’ve done in the past year.”

   Sam gave him a light punch in the shoulder and plucked her spear from the ground.

“Good to have you back Coryn.” It prompted another smile from Coryn, who turned up towards

the remaining path.

   “Good to be back Sam.”


Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on January 01, 2018, 09:14:21 PM
And the exciting conclusion to what I'm calling Coryn's Saga: Arc 3: Act 1, because I think I'm basically throwing out the traditional three act structure for this last book. But this still effectively ends act one. And to think, this thing is already as long as Arc 1 was. I'm slightly concerned I'm creating something beyond my scope  :ohmy:


REUNIONS AND RUINATION
REUNIONS AND RUINATION

The returning fighters found the castle grounds to be abuzz with activity. Rank and file

guardsmen and support staff bussed wounded and wreckage to their designated locations. From

the looks of things, it wasn’t the first time they had run through this procedure. Some of the

damage was obviously no longer fresh, but several areas still glowed dimly from being caught in

energy blasts, and a faint stink of ozone hung in the air.

   Coryn digested this as he handed off Katsumi to a pair of medical staff, but his thoughts

were cut of as a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind and lifted him up into the air in a

tight bearhug. “Coryn, bro, you’re back!” Proclaimed Jack while still holding his buddy airborne.

“Glad Katsumi managed to track you down. Felt you fighting on the mountain side. Didn’t wear

you out too, badly did it?”
   
   Finally released, Coryn turned gave Jack a light punch to the ribs. “I’m not that out

of shape. In fact, I feel refreshed and well rested. Got that full eight hour feeling.”
   
   Jack beamed at him. “Good to hear that! Then you won’t have any objections to going off

to kick some ass?”
   
   “What did you have in mind?” Coryn queried.
   
   Jack continued. “Well, those girls have been ghosting us after each attack, so we haven’t

been able to track them, but this time…” Jack brought up his hand with a quick flourish, and

Coryn spied a few small shards of ice floating just above his fingertips. “I got the blonde one by

surprise, and left her a parting gift of my patent pending never-melt-ice shards in her side.”

   “Say… just what agency are you trying to patent that with anyways?” Mused Coryn.

   Samantha interrupted Jack before he failed to finish his own joke. “More importantly,

what does that do for us.” Her question was earnest, but earned a self-congratulatory chuckle

from Jack.
   
   “They may be able to hide their own energy signatures from us, but they sure as hell can’t

hide mine. So, unless they have a pair of forceps on hand, we have a way to track them.” He

beamed.

   “I’m legitimately impressed.” Replied Sam. “When do we leave?”

   “’We’ aren’t going anywhere.” Interjected Coryn. “As in, ‘Sam, Jack, and I’ aren’t going

anywhere, but ‘Jack and I’ most certainly are.”

   She protested. “I’m strong enough to help fight them too, Coryn!”

   “I know you are, but right now your house is literally full of holes, Katsumi is in

desperate need of a week of bedrest, and judging by the lack of energy signatures, you’re the

only one in fighting shape here right now.” The perceptiveness of the response took Sam by

surprise, but she was admittedly not as attuned to such things as the Five were. Point of fact, Colt

and October were wrapping up training sessions with Camarin and Eva, and Fuji was out doing

his own research into their Kurousen problem.

Jack could read the disappointment on her face, and offered what he hoped would be a

satisfying explanation. “Look, I totally get it. Bad guys are running around, you want to stop

them. But, someone should stay and guard the place. October and Colt are both due back today

anyways, so as soon as they get back, grab them, the other two girls, and send them after us. That

should give us a reasonable amount of time to catch up with the nega-girls. If push comes to

shove, we’ll race them back, but after that last attack they won’t be ready to counter us for a

while.”
   
   Sam seemed mostly mollified, but Coryn followed up with one last caveat. “There is also

the problem of what exactly got that portal to stabilize. I already discussed it with Katsumi, but

we are talking an amount of power that’s in excess of anything you girls have fought to date. If

that thing happens to be in league with the nega-girls, then it’s far better that Jack and I are the

ones to deal with it.” And with that Sam finally gave her acknowledgment, with the

understanding that she would only come after them harder if they came across whatever had

created the stable portal. Coryn and Jack acquiesced to this, and sent Sam off to see how

Katsumi was doing. Finally alone, Coryn turned to Jack. “So then, just how bad do you think

this is going to turn out?”

   He shrugged. “Depends if we find whatever or whoever stabilized the damn thing. But

I’ll tell you this: it wasn’t us, and it sure as hell wasn’t one of those girls. If you want to know

my opinion, I think it’s someone who’s invested in that god-war that Odin told us about. Maybe

having it open makes it easier for them to move back and forth themselves?”

   “They’re already damn near omnipotent. But maybe. Even a lesser god could have stored

up enough juice given time. Still…” Coryn stared off into the middle distance. “A true god-war

is not something I want to get involved with.”

   “Amen.” Nodded Jack, and he winked at Coryn. “Let’s get going. I want to be back

for breakfast if we can swing it.”


   An hour later, the pair stood at the Kurousen, gateway between two halves of the

multiverse. And they weren’t the only ones. Coryn could detect over a dozen residual energy

signatures. Some were familiar, Colt and October stuck out, but by and large they were strangers

to him. Jack confirmed a similar prognosis. So, it seemed even the infinity of the void could not

hide a secret forever. Then again, the multiverse was a large place, and after more than a year of

being active, some being or another was bound to come across it. Coryn reached out with his

awareness, but was unable to detect if any of those who had visited the portal had crossed it as

well. The white sphere felt like a hole in the very fabric of reality. Everything came to an abrupt

halt at its edge. “Have you noted anyone traveling across it Jack?”
   
   “Haven’t seen a thing. We did let a few of our more trustworthy acquaintances in on

the secret, but nothing in the way of the actual location. Anyone who’s made a visit did so on

pure chance. But if anyone of them was stupid enough to hop across, then they deserve whatever

they found over there.” It wasn’t an entirely satisfactory answer, but it would do in a pinch.

“Ready to go?”

   “As long as those ice shards work as well as you say they do.”

   Jack mocked offense. “I’m hurt Coryn. Don’t you know me better than that?”

   Coryn rolled his eyes at his friend. “I do, that’s what worries me. After you.”

   Jack replied, “Oh no, you first, I insist! Age before beauty after all!” for which he

received a slap on the back of his head as Coryn passed him on his way through the portal.

The far side of the Kurousen reflected the normal side. This side too had experienced

several unfamiliar visitors. Coryn pondered on them for a moment, but cast the thought aside.

“Got a feel for where they are?”

Jack seemed to be concentrating on something hard. His brow was deeply furrowed, and

his head rocked from side to side. “I think so. They're moving pretty fast though. Lots of random

jumps y'know? We'll have to keep on their path.” And with that, Jack disappeared, taking Coryn

off with him.

Together, Jack and Coryn took to the pursuit. They passed through new dimensions, each

seemingly stranger and more treacherous than the last. Their initial destination was the ruins of

Shiro’s fortress. There was little left but a blackened pile of rubble, but that was to be expected.

From there they visited a world of poisoned mega-fauna, a moon consisting of a single mass of

molten tungsten, and a planet covered by an alcohol based atmosphere which tasted ever so

slightly a raspberry. Pressing on, they passed a dead world of floating pyramids, an abandoned

space station orbiting between binary stars, and a junkyard planet for a civilization that appeared

to be enamored with the color yellow.

All in all, the duo passed through more than three dozen dimensions. At each step along

the way, Jack confirmed that their quarry grew closer. Finally, they stood at the summit of a

mountain which loomed above a raging methane sea. Jack confirmed that they had at last caught

up to the four girls. He no longer detected any movement. They had either come to a stop, or had

found a way to remove his splinters. Either way, their journey would come to its end after their

next jump. Coryn said a quick word about 'getting it done’, and they disappeared in a flash.

Had they known what they were about to find, they would have taken a little more time to

plan.

   Coryn and Jack touched down in the center of a cobbled courtyard. Battered stone walls

surrounded them, and a shattered gate stood to their rear. They knew that beyond the remains of

the gate was a forest covered mountain, a long flight of stone steps, uncountable small ruins. The

dimension they stood in was connected to a dead world. A world which had long since lost its

overseers. They knew all of this without ever turning around, because in front of them lay the

crumbling remains of Tomoshibi Castle.

   Alexis and Kalya were laid out on the steps to the main entrance. Alina kneeled beside

them, in the middle of tending to their wounds. Finally, Naomi stood between them and their

pursuers, sword drawn. She appeared resolute, but it didn’t take an expert to realize that she was

still recovering from her fight earlier in the day. For a group who had always portrayed

themselves as indestructible, they looked like they could turn to dust. Coryn took this into

account, and stepped forward. “I guess that’s the chase then. You girls are out of places to run

to.”

   He and Jack weren’t putting up an aggressive front, but Naomi tightened her grip on her

blade. “So that’s it then? This is the part where you kill us?”

   A small voice came from behind her. “Naomi…”

   “Shut up Alina!” Naomi spit back.

   Coryn took another step forward. “That’s not the plan unless you want it to be.” He began

to ease into another step, but Naomi began to move to match him, and he stayed put. “We only

want two things; information, and a guarantee.”

   This caught the attention of all four of the girls. Naomi’s face flicked with a hint of

interest, but she quickly caught herself. Kalya tilted her head to see him better with Alina’s help.

Alina herself showed genuine interest, while all Jack or Coryn could see from Alexis was distain.

“And what information is that?”

   “The Kurousen is stable again.” Coryn said, the implication clear in his voice. “Tell us

who did it, and where we can find them.” At first, he was hopeful, but after a moment it was

clear what the answer was. “You don’t know?” Coryn was struck with true surprise. “How did

you know about it then?”

   Alina replied. “Same as you lot. We checked it out regularly after you killed Shiro. One

day it was just open. We got lucky I guess.”

   Naomi turned back towards Alina, almost like she was pleading for her not to say

anything after the fact. But Alina was far more concerned with Kalya than their secrets.

Eventually, Naomi turned to face Jack and Coryn again. “So, what’s the guarantee about?”

   Coryn shrugged and relaxed his posture as much as he could. “That’s simple. All you

four have to do is stay on your side of the multiverse, and leave ours alone.”

   Naomi was clearly incredulous. “That’s it? You must think I’m stupid Sken! Aren’t you

and your ‘Eternals’ on some quest to rid the universe of evil or some nonsense?”
   
   Now Jack intervened. “It’s really not like that y’know? Sure, we fight bad guys when we

find ‘em, but y’all are somethin’ of a special case. We weren’t ever meant to see this half of

things to begin with. No harm in letting you run amok in your own sand pit. That’s the balance

of things.”

   Naomi’s brow furrowed. She studied the pair intently, working out just exactly how they

were going to betray her if that was indeed their play. It was by all metrics a better deal than they

deserved. But none of Shiro’s former associates had ever seriously tried to kill any of them

before. Ultimately, it was a deal they could not turn away from. “Fine, we’ll take it…”

   “Like hell we will!” Shouted a voice from behind her. Naomi turned just in time to see

Alexis bring the blade of her halberd up to her neck. “You can’t be serious Naomi! They killed

Shiro! They murdered him!”

   Naomi swatted the pole-arm away with her sword. “Shiro was a madman Alexis! He

wanted to destroy the universe and us in the process! Look what he did to our world, look what

he did to our home!” She threw her arms out, pointing wildly at the ruined castle. “We were

pawns in his game and you know it!”

   Alexis let out a scream. Uncomfortable truths were coming to the surface from where she

had forced them down, even as tears streamed from her eyes. “You’re wrong!”

   “You’re still brainwashed! He never intended on letting any of us live, and he never

loved you!”

   A line had been crossed. Alexis struck out with her halberd, and swept Naomi out of the

way. He angered had instantly refocused, right onto Coryn Sken. Right onto the man who had

killed her lover.

   Coryn didn’t have time to dodge. Alexis slammed the whole of her body against him,

carrying and smashing them both through the double walls surrounding the castle. As they flew

past Jack, he could sense a level of power from Alexis that he had never seen from any of the

nega-girls before. He was not given the time to reflect though. Alina hadn’t clearly agreed with

either side of the argument, but one thing was certain in Jack’s mind: No matter the outcome in

the fight between Alexis and Naomi, Alina was on the side where she and Kalya survived.

Negotiations had broken down, fighting had commenced, and Alina was not a defensive player.

   
   It quickly occurred to Coryn that he was not dealing with the same Alexis that he had a

year ago. In fact, he very much doubted he was dealing with the same Alexis he had been dealing

with a mere five minutes earlier. As they smashed through the thick inner wall, Coryn had felt

the bladed tip of her halberd pierce his right shoulder, and it pushed out through his back as

they slammed into the stones of the outer wall. Coryn could feel the stones begin to give way,

and a web-like crater grew around him. He put his feet down and began to push back. Alexis’

first push had run out of momentum, and she was thrown off balance when Coryn grabbed the

end of her weapon with his good arm and yanked the blade from his flesh. Coryn hadn’t had time

to draw his own weapon, and ripped one of his blades from their pocket dimension. He could

feel the muscles and bones of his shoulder beginning to knit themselves back together, but it

would take time before his was back to full strength. But this was time Alexis was not willing to

give him. She pressed her attached hard, and Coryn was forced to go on the backfoot through the

trench that lay between the castle’s walls.

   He could hear a crunching sound with each step he took, like dried leaves. It wasn’t until

his chanced a look down that he realized what he was surrounded with. The trench was ankle

deep in the bones of the castle’s previous defenders. Most were already completely scattered, but

those that remained somewhat intact clearly displayed horrendous damage. Coryn was beginning

to parse the history of this place. Shiro’s work was on display in gruesome fashion. In a way,

Coryn imagined that the nega-girls were lucky. They had survived to serve his former friend. It

was a shame that they were so intent on throwing away the life they had held grasping on to.

   Coryn’s shoulder finished its mending, and he went into action. Alexis came from above

with her pole-axe, and Coryn bashed it to the side with a wide swing from his sword. His

opponent was left open, and he followed it up with an uppercut into her gut. Her armor buckled,

and Alexis was sent flying a dozen meters off, but her enix output had softened the blow

significantly. Coryn prepared for her to rush back at him, but was surprised when she paused.

Her breathing was deep, and Coryn caught himself wondering if she might be rethinking her

resolve to fight. “Give it up Alexis! You can’t win this one. You’re just going to get yourself

killed!”

   She snapped back at him. “You’re a murderer Coryn Sken! And I won’t be stopping until

I get the revenge I’m looking for!” She pointed her weapon at Coryn, braced it with both hands,

and began to howl. Blue energy circled at her feet, climbed upwards, and ignited into a burning

tower which disappeared into the sky above. Bones and rubble struck Coryn as he dug his feet in.

Alexis’ power level rose higher and higher. It quickly surpassed her previously displayed limit,

and continued to grow unchecked. Her anger was fully fueling her now, and before long Coryn

was witnessing a level of strength he hadn’t expected to see except from and immortal like

himself. Finally, the plume of energy broke, and Alexis stood before him. She was iridescent, her

own power barely kept in check by her physical body. Coryn had witnessed this level before

many times, as it was something he and the rest of the Five reached regularly. However, they had

ways of pushing past even that limit, allowing their powers to grow exponentially. No matter

how strong Alexis had grown, she could not have learned that kind of control in such a short

time. Regardless of how Coryn looked at the situation, he could only reach one conclusion: If he

could not convince Alexis to abandon her cause in time, she would be quite literally consumed

by her own power.

   
   Jack was taken aback when Alexis began her power up. The thick wall between them was

holding, but he could plainly see the pillar of energy she was projecting into the heavens. “Holy

crap!” He spun around towards Alina. “Since when can she go all beast mode like that?!” Part of

him wasn’t surprised when the girl in green’s face showed she was as clearly shocked by her

comrade’s outpouring of strength as he was. If anything, he surmised that she was likely more

shaken by that turn of events. He had only sparred with Alexis on a few occasions, not enough to

get a full measure of her power by far. But Alina had spent years around her, if anyone was

going to figure it out, one of them would have been the one. “Speaking of…” Jack chanced a

peak around while Alina was still recovering her composure. Kalya was still splayed on the

stairs, breathing heavily, but evidently stable. Naomi was missing, although Alexis hadn’t tossed

her that far. She had evidently fled the field, or more likely, was setting up for an ambush. He

hoped she had taken the hint and split, but Jack wasn’t feeling optimistic. For a moment, he

considered re-offering the offer to Alina, but the moment passed as soon as he turned his head

back her way. She was already on him. Alina spun through the air, strings extended around her.

   Her tornado attack hit Jack head on, and launched him into the air. She followed him, and

Jack caught of glimpse of the twisting figure at the center of swirling energy while he recovered.

“How does she not get dizzy doing that?” Jack did a single quick spin, and set off a twirling

storm of ice and wind around his body. The two collided, and soon Alina was swatting chunks of

ice from Jack’s storm. Shards of ice shot in all directions, turning the battlefield into a frigid

pincushion. Alina maintained enough control to not hurt Kalya, but this left her with an opening

just large enough to exploit.

   Jack waited for the gap to come around again, and struck. His arm shot through both his

own defenses and Alina’s, and he took hold of her by the neck. Alina quickly caught on, and

latched onto his arm before she inadvertently snapped her own neck. She was still processing her

turn of fortune as Jack raised her above his head. “Sorry.”

   Alina couldn’t process the travel time. She was smashing into the stone courtyard with

enough force that she wasn’t sure if her spine would shatter before the stones did or not. It was a

hypothesis untested however, as Jack was already dropping down on her with an ice spike she

was sure had not been there a moment ago. She reached out with a Hail Mary from her strings.

They found purchase, and Alina whisked herself away from danger right before Jack’s impact.

   Alina brought her head up, forcing it against the wind resistance, and saw that she was

dragging herself towards one of the trees in the courtyard that had miraculously grown back after

Shiro’s attack. Just as she was about to thank some higher deity for her luck, a crescent blade of

ice came down and severed her strings. She brought her feet down to stop, but only managed to

send herself rolling into the base of the tree. This time she knew she had to get off the backfoot,

and ripped the tree from the ground while she still rested against it and tossed it at Jack. It was

his turn to be surprised, and took the upturned flora on the chin, quickly followed by the rest of

his body.

   The tree landed on the far side of the courtyard, and as it bounced, Jack found his footing

and held firm. Branches struck him as the tree bounded away from him, but finally free, he

realized he had been set up. Alina had closed the distance between them, and stood only ten

meters away. Her hands were clasped above her head, strings extended, intertwined together. She

had formed a ball of energy above her, feeding it directly with her gauntlets. At this range, it

would do significant damage to Jack, despite their usual power distance. Even if she missed, Jack

worried about the greater blast. Coryn had been fighting a powered-up Alexis for a few minutes

now. He couldn’t afford to be distracted. Jack made his decision.

   Long, dagger like fingers formed on his hand. The ice extended up to his elbow. It was

time for Alina’s poor decisions to catch up to her. Jack dipped low, braced himself on the ground

with his free hand, and let his blades fly.

   Alina saw the blades coming, and knew that it was over. He had aimed all five at her

center of mass, there was no avoiding them in her current state. She couldn’t throw the energy

orb fast enough, and if she dodged without releasing it, it would explode directly above her. All

Alina saw before her was her death. She decided to spend her last moment gazing at the woman

she loved, but when she looked for her, Kalya wasn’t there. Confusion and fear temporarily

overcame her, until she heard the piecing shriek of kuupo in front of her.

   Time slowed for both. Kalya was standing in front of Alina. The two caught each other’s

looks. Alina wanted to scream at her, to tell her to get out of the way, to throw her out of the way

if she wouldn’t do it herself. But Kalya’s eyes were resolute. She would rather die to save Alina

than live on herself. It was so selfish, but Alina knew she could never voice her grievance in

time. Together the two turned their eyes towards the icy death heading their way.

   Perceived time sped back to its normal flow. Kalya and Alina braced themselves. One

braced to die, the other to lose the one they loved. But neither came to pass. They watched in

disbelief as the shards split apart, sailing harmlessly past them. Together they refocused on Jack.

He was still down, his free hand still against the ground. Finally, they grasped the truth behind

his action. A thin layer of ice flowed out from his hand against the paving stones. It widened, and

encompassed the ground directly beneath the pair. Alina tried to release her attack in this last

second, but Jack cut her off. “Far too late.”

A flash of light rushed from Jack’s finger tips and lit up the thin layer of ice. Alina’s blast

was snuffed out without resistance as the two girls were encased in a jagged block of ice. Their

eyes were faced forward, bearing a gaze that betrayed their astonishment, and would for a long

time to come.

   Jack stood up and relaxed. The two nega-girls were solidly frozen, and while he harbored

no doubts that they were still alive, he knew it would be a long time before they could even think

about doing anything else. He strolled up to the ice mass, and took a deep breath. Jack breathed

slowly over the smooth surface before him, creating an opaque patch directly before girl’s eyes.

He extended a single finger, and wrote three words in bold capital letters, reversed so that they

could be read from the inside.

   NEVER.

   COME.

   BACK.

   The immortal briefly regarded his work, and then, ever so gently, tapped the block. A

flash of light, and it was gone, sent off at random into the multiverse. Jack didn’t care where it

ended up. Even if it landed on the surface of some distant star, those two would have a long time

to process his message before they would be set free. In that time, he had few doubts that they

wouldn’t reach the conclusion he had asked them to.


   Within the castle’s walls, Coryn was feeling less sure of himself. He had been in three

fights in quick succession since waking up. But, none of those fights had pushed him even close

to his standard level cap. There wasn’t any playing around to do with Alexis. If he didn’t take her

seriously, he was liable to be seriously hurt. Unfortunately for him, Alexis did not take the same

kind of care. Her’s was a true berserker rage, and it wasn’t going to end if he stayed on the

defensive. “Piss off Alexis!” She had been coming in for a stab with the pointed tip of her

halberd, but Coryn ducked past it, and leveled a haymaker into the left side of her face. Alexis

lifted off the ground and smashed through the outer wall. Smoke drifted off from his hand, a

result of coming into direct contact with her pulsing energy. Coryn hoped the concussive impact

would bring him a brief respite, but she righted herself in the air, and flew upwards. She

continued to ascend until she disappeared into the sun high above, and Coryn chased after her.

   He found her several hundred feet up. Alexis had been readying to come down on him

with a powerful smash attack, but his sudden arrival sent her spiraling back. Both quickly laid

down a layer of enix to stand on, and their blades clashed again. Coryn took a few steps forward,

and she stepped back. Alexis pushed on, and Coryn gave. For a moment, the two traded invisible

ground, locked in stalemate. But soon Alexis released her left hand from its task of holding the

shaft of her weapon, and within it built a pulsating mass of energy. “Eat *censored* Coryn!” Blinding

blue energy burst forth from the orb, striking Coryn in his midsection. Alexis found herself freed

of the pressure of Coryn’s sword at the immortal flew back across the sky. Fortunately for

Coryn, the blast was not fatal, but it still left a blackened hole in his shirt, and he could already

feel the skin on his stomach blistering as he smacked down into the roof of the castle.

   Coryn quickly brought his body back up from the prone position. As he did so, he swung

his free arm wide, scooping up roof tiles with telekinesis as he did. He let them fly at Alexis in a

scattered pattern. But, while he had only hoped the projectiles would cause her to pause, she

pushed through them. Tiles simply exploded into dust as they impacted the shell of energy

surrounding her form. Before he knew it, Coryn was being smashed through the castle tower and

through the other side. Alexis however continued her assault, and together the two slammed into

the ruined garden on the far side of the compound.

   Thankfully, Alexis had underestimated the strength of her own attack, and sent herself

careening into the castle’s wall. Coryn had slipped from out beneath her, and landed in the soft

soil of the garden. Before Alexis could recover, he rose to his feet and roared at her. While

energy erupted from his feet, it burned away the overgrown foliage around him. He could

sense Alexis already returning for another attack. His power-up had been short, but had brought

them to and equal footing at last. The rest of the fight would come down to skill alone.

   When they next clashed, they clashed as giants.
   
   Coryn swung up from below, Alexis came down from above. Each fighter stood resolute,

and the world around them gave way. Surrounding paving stones scattered and broke,

perforating the area with rock shrapnel. As their blades grinded against each other, sparks flew,

and the energy released cleaved trees from root to sky. Coryn released his sword with one hand,

and grabbed the shaft of Alexis’ weapon. He moved to rip it from her grasp, but she failed to

relinquish her armament. As a result, the girl flipped right over Coryn’s head. Alexis’ feet

slammed into the ground behind Coryn. This time Coryn was the one who refused to let go, and

Alexis responded by slamming him against the castle wall. Finally, Coryn relaxed his grip, and

allowed Alexis to prepare for another attack. As she opened herself up, he leaped beneath her

arms, and kneed her in the chest. She only skidded back a few feet. Alexis used her staff to brace

herself, and thrust out a hand.

   Debris from their battleground hurtled at Coryn. For a moment, he found himself

struggling against the full force of her barrage. His skin and coat looked like they were being

attacked with an industrial sander. Coryn roared, and brought up a sheet of white Enix in front of

himself to blunt her attack. He pushed forwards, but the half-dozen feet that separated them

might as well have been one-thousand. Coryn took one laborious step after another, and yet it

was like walking into a blizzard. For every two inches he propelled himself, friction would fail

him, and he would drop an inch back. Through his shield, Coryn could see Alexis. She was

hiding it as best she could, but her current output was tearing her up. Alexis’ face was red and

slick with sweat. The arm bracing herself on her halberd was shaking. It wouldn’t be long.

“Alexis! You can’t keep this up! You’re going to destroy yourself if you don’t stop now!”
   
   She snapped at him. “Leave me alone Sken!”

   “Your body isn’t strong enough! You can’t fool me!”

   Alexis shook her head in defiance, but to Coryn it looked like she was forcing every

muscle to do what she wanted it to. “I will endure it! Shiro would have endured it!”

   “Shiro was stronger than you! He could handle that kind of power, you can’t!”

   Coryn reached Alexis, and with a final push, bashed his energy barrier against Alexis.

Her telekinetic attack broke, and she shot off, as much under her own power as from Coryn’s

retaliation. She stopped in midair, and flew back at Coryn. Coryn flew back into the foliage

before she could reach him. They began a series of feints and dodges. Each would approach the

other, and then pass by the other’s attack. Slowly they acclimated to each other’s attack pattern,

and soon they were clashing, pulling away, and clashing again. The garden was torn asunder.

Within a few minutes, no plant or stone stood over six inches from the ground. Deep gashes were

torn into the stone walkways.

   One last time, they impacted each other, each headed in the same direction. They passed

through the inner of the two castle walls without paying it any heed, and came just short of

completely shattering the outer. Four feet rooted themselves amongst the bones and rusted armor

carpeting the interstitial space, and there they stood. They rained blows against each other. Blood

spattered against the cold stone. Sweat salted the earth below their feet. The two stayed locked in

stalemate, until finally, Coryn caught Alexis from below, and his sword sliced through her

halberd even as she defended herself with it. The tip of the blade carried through, taking Alexis’

face in its steely embrace. It passed through her jaw, up through her cheek, claimed her left eye,

and then finally finished its cruel work at her brow.

   Alexis wailed. She dropped to her knees, the remains of her weapon falling besides her.

Her remaining eye watched in horror as blood rushed from her face onto the ground as her knees

impacted it. Still, she refused to come down from her empowered state.

   Coryn came to a standstill. His sword rested easily at his side. Pity and sadness played

across his face. Despite it all, he hadn’t wished to maim her. “It’s over Alexis. Pack it up and go

home.”

   Alexis looked up at him. The anger on her face was gone. Instead, she stared at Coryn

with a dull surprise. She was going into shock. “Why did you kill him?”

   The words gurgled as they left her throat. Blood was building up in her mouth. But she

was still coherent enough to be understood. Coryn found himself wanting to look away, but

couldn’t bring himself to. He answered Alexis straight to her ruined face. “Because he was my

friend.”

   “That…”

   Coryn cleared his throat on reflex. “I killed him because he was my friend

before…before what happened to him. And despite what Shiro turned into, the man he was

before that wouldn’t have hesitated to do the same for me.”

   “You thought it was a kindness.”

   Coryn turned his back on her. “I did it because it was the right thing to do.” He began to

walk away. But once again Alexis’ energy swelled. She was pushing her powers right to their

bleeding edge, and Coryn could feel it killing her. He no longer needed to see her to know that.

Coryn knew it in his very bones what would happen to her in a few moments. Even as he sensed

Alexis pick up the axe end of her bisected halberd, Coryn slowly passed his sword to his left

hand and gripped it such that its blade protruded out behind him. “Don’t do it Alexis.”

   “You broke my heart Sken… Split it right in two.”

   “So I did.”

   It happened quickly. Alexis surged forth with the last of her strength. Coryn gripped his

sword with both hands, and held firm.

   Coryn watched as the blood dripped from his shoulder. Alexis had sunk it all the way

down to the bone. He knelt, the weight on his back forcing him to a knee. Coryn wondered if she

had even noticed his blade as she closed in. If nothing else, Coryn was made acutely aware of it

as it penetrated through the back of her armor. His other knee hit the ground. She weighed so

much more than she had any right to. Far too much.

   Coryn kneeled in a ditch filled with the dead. The body which had belonged to Alexis

York rested on his back. And he swore that she would be the last death that Shiro Kimura would

ever cause.


   Coryn emerged from the side of the castle and into the main courtyard. To his surprise, he

was greeted with the sight of Colt field dressing a few of Jack’s wounds as he sat atop a piece of

rubble, while Camarin and Eva milled about around them. Upon catching sight of him, the two

girls waved at him cheerfully, and he gave a small wave in return. Coryn had left Alexis to rest

with her fallen comrades. His single sword sat sheathed at his waste. He greeted them all with a

weak smile. “Boy am I glad to see you guys. What happened to the rest of them Jack?”

   “Oh, you know” Jack tested how secure a bandage was with an ungraceful tug. “Locked

the green and yellow ones in an inescapable ice prison, flung ‘em off somewhere to cool their

heads. Red one ran off somewhere. October is out looking for her.”

   Coryn sighed. “In good hands, then.” He took up residence on an adjacent piece of debris

and peeled off his coat while Colt busied himself with his knew patient. Colt said nothing, but

Coryn knew what the look on his face implied. “Alexis is dead. I stopped her before she could

burn herself out.” He looked up at Colt. “There wasn’t much of a choice.”

   Colt responded with a snug bandaging of Coryn’s shoulder. “I didn’t say a word.” The

gunslinger took a slow breath. “But, better this way. No point in a long death.”

   They continued in silence. Colt saw to the rest of Coryn’s wounds, Jack reclined on the

rubble, and the two girls kept watch for anything suspicious. After ten minutes had passed, they

finally heard a noise coming from inside the castle. They looked to the main doors, and saw

October emerge. Slung over her back was her coat, which from a distance seemed to be

squirming far more than most garments usually would. Upon closer inspection, they could tell

that the vampire had used her oversized outerwear to constrain a captive Naomi. The extra length

of the sleeves were bound not unlike that of a straightjacket. Although Naomi didn’t appear to

have put up much of a fight, it appeared that October felt extra precautions were needed for

transport. “Hi Coryn! Hi Jack! I found her!” October let Naomi down and untied her. Although

she appeared to have stored her sword away, her demeanor remained defensive.

   “Where are the others?”

   Coryn caught her gaze. “Dead or gone. Is that going to be a problem?”

   Naomi glanced back at the castle. Her brow knitted itself into a tight furrow, but when

she turned back, she relaxed it. “As I said before. I’m done hassling with you lot. If they couldn’t

accept that, it’s their problem, not mine. Not anymore.”

   For the first time, Coryn thought he saw past Naomi’s outer defenses and glimpsed

something of the girl he knew as Katsumi. He felt that she had finally admitted openly to

something she had long believed. But just as soon as it had opened, the gap closed, and Naomi’s

hostile personality shown through. “So, can I get out of here now or what?”

   Coryn rose to his feet. “Not just yet, first I want to-” But he would never finish his

thought. The pressure in the air rose, a cold and wicked wind blew past the castle gates and

blasted the assembled warriors. Pebbles on the ground began to dance, slowly increasing in their

manic movements. Coryn felt his stomach drop. It was as if the world itself had turned against

them. But while he didn’t suspect that the three girls knew it, the four members of the Eternal

Five most certainly did. They knew what was coming up those stone steps, and none of them

were prepared for the path this moment would send them down. “No! This isn’t real! That’s

impossible!”

   Coryn’s exclamations fell flat, like the very breath was being sucked out of his words.

And slowly they came to the full understanding of why. Step by step, a man appeared at the

landing. Dark brown hair, pushed over to the side by a head half covered by burn scars. Red

jacket, pulled open to reveal a bare chest, and on that chest, a wide and jagged scar. It began with

a patch of depressed flesh above the heart, flew down across the abdominals, and terminated out

the side, forming the shape of a backwards ‘L’.

   The man came to a rest, and smiled at the group with a smile far too wide for a human

face to comfortably accommodate. His eyes did not smile however. Those dark eyes betrayed

only sickened rage. Shiro Kimura smiled, and no one smiled back. “Tell me Coryn? What do you

know of the impossible?”
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on January 07, 2018, 07:15:46 PM
Spoiler
Here I was about to write a long review because yes, yes yes a new chapter of Coryn Sken, but that frakking ending was so frakking amazing like DUUUUDE. Yes. So much yesssss. So much f yes. So much.

Damn what is english. MOAR. PLZ. NOW.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Frakking a man that chapter. Okay. Okay calming down and writing a semi review.


typos
(From Dance Dance Tango. Reread it to get in the flow for the latest chap)
1. Coryn shrugged with his free. “What can I say? Maybe I’ve gone soft?” Alina replied by  - shoulder

(From Reunions and Ruination)
1. Coryn had left Alexis to rest with her fallen comrades. His single sword sat sheathed at his waste.
*waist


short review

What the hell did you eat man, the action-action fruit? Well, as cheesy as that sounds, your trend of making great fight scenes has become much of a beast. Do you have any idea how boring ice-elemental characters can be? How cliche and simplistic colour coded sword battles can end up to be? I've seen ecchi anime with the most mellorine of dames and awesome of effects have such boring snore-fests of fights despite how unique they're trying to be, and you still manage to keep a weird mix between traditional shounen shunpo-clash-powerup-clash and weapon-gimmicks, and then add some unique aloof narrative voice of sorts. Damn I suck at reviews, it's hard to express.

Long story short this was really amazing man. Jack seemed a lot more mature (btw great to see The Five again! And to hear of Fuji that old mysterious bastard.) but I always pegged him as a jokey type, and to be honest I expected only comic relief from him, but damn it was a cool (pun intended) contrast to see how he dealt with the same strings that Coryn faced off of. He was also a lot more stompey and 'I will end you' than I'd expect. Quick side note - I never give Coryn enough credit for how much he's willing to take a beating and talk, at least sword to sword rather than do some shady one-hit-kill tactics that I'm pretty sure he can. - Jack's transdimensional ice tracking, the fact that they have a 'community' of sorts who they let in on the Kourosen and that eternal ice prison bit was amazing. His ice can withstand the heat of a sun? What the hell! Wait, can the girls survive that?

I'm really just going off in a dense stream-of-consciousness thing here so you don't need to answer every question, but that was some fun stuff.

Love the explosions, the effects with the debris, and the cream and crop of this chapter, which brings a satisfying or at least sort of catharsis to my question - Why did Coryn kill Shiro. I've been harbouring this grudge for edges, but seeing what became of Alexis and thinking of all the crap Coryn was still willing to go through to explain this to her - dude got a stabbed shoulder and still didn't just say 'you know what screw this' - and even gave her a sort of poetic death. That sword gore though. You get caught up in the animated explosions and forget what steel can do to a face. Brutal. But realistic in a way, and necessary.

I actually have a lot more thoughts on the Coryn fight than anything. What are the mechanics involved in healing ones' self? With superjuiced biological cells or literal reknitting of matter in the body? Flying roof tiles is awesome an all visually with telekinesis, but do they really pack a punch? What happens when Coryn gets shot in his shoulder and he can't be bothered for some reason to block or heal it, will it take time or is he automatically immortal enough to just walk it off. Are his clothes impervious?


It was pretty cool to see that some of the nega girls were willing to see reason. I might have a weird Naomi crush now. Naomi is kawaii when she mad. Don't kill her October!

Dude it was great to see Colt. Gunslingers are awesome.


And damn... I clap hands Coryn. Damn what the hell. What the hell is HE DOING HERE ALIVE AGAIN YESSSSSS WAIT NO HE'S EVIL BUT YESSSSS HES BACK BUT NO HES EVIL DAAAMN

So looking forward to the next chapter man. This was a real treat. I mean a legit real good treat. It's been a while since I enjoyed a story on MR that I've been following and I felt a good spark of that fun I get from reading stuff on the interwebs and of course well crafter stories. Narration on point.

I'll need some time to form any useful critique I guess? Seriously I just enjoyed it too much. I suppose it'd be nice to see a bit more of the multi-verse community, and some actual conversation between The Five. But on the other hand I like how seamlessly Jack welcomed Coryn, because these guys have lived for ages and they don't need to be sentimental or deep about everything. I really do think the chapter delivered on what it shouldve delivered, and the Act closed well enough. If you have the time sure, stuff in more info, I love this world! But this chapter on itself was fun as hell.


In case there were too many random questions I just want to know these ones

1 can the girls survive being near a sun?
2a does Naomi like african war orphans (jk.)
2b Is Coryn recovered from his slumber or still shaking off its effects?
3 Did Alexis power up from trauma or is something sinister at work?
4 Are we going to see Jaska again?
5 Where's Moon!?


Also if I don't see a new chapter like tomorrow or a week from now

   NEVER.

   COME.

   BACK.


Haha. I just really wanted to say that.

Cheers Coryn, this was really well written man.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on January 07, 2018, 08:30:32 PM
Thanks for all that Lego! If you could do a more technical review it always helps, but I'll let you do that in your own time.

Let me try and answer your questions and address your comments.


-Fun gimmicks make shounen go round if you ask me. That's where most of the fun come in these fights. It can't be all roid rage all the time.

- While Jack is very much a comedic personality, I've always pegged him as being serious below the surface. He's the kind who tells jokes at a funeral, but will still get down to business when it's time to.

- Jack's ice isn't just ice. It's more like magic ice. So the stronger he is, the stronger his ice. So yeah, it can survive a star for a while. As for the girls, well it's really comes down to comic book logic on that one. Frozen in ice = Immortal, in this case.

- I'm glad my sword gore is appealing. Sometimes you just got to damage a character after all. (And I have to say it felt kinda good to write. But I'll leave the sadist stuff for another conversation)

- think of it as a literal reknitting of matter. Flood the wound with Enix (which is the building block of existence remember), and coerce it into putting your arm back in one piece. Same basic concept for all healing thus shown in the CS universe.

- The ceiling tiles were just on hand, but would have probably hurt at high speed.

- Coryn and other immortals have a general healing boost regardless. So smaller injuries will heal on their own, while major ones need concious effort. Bt that takes energy, so it's often advantages to just bandage it up and let it do it's own thing. Although they could certainly fight through the pain if the injury doesn't negatively impact their movements too much. Pushing past the mind's normal limits is a part of the job, and that means shutting out pain.

- his clothes can definitely be damaged, but for the most part, they are damn fine clothes. They're created via magic after all. Although his coat is definitely more rugged than the rest of it.

- Naomi crush eh? Careful now. If you get too involved, I might just end up breaking your heart.


- Yeah he's back. Although a little worse for wear, if that didn't come across.


- So for your actual questions:

1. See above. Yes.
2. I'm not sure she really likes anybody.
2b. He's back to fighting shape by this point. Think of it as coming out of a really deep sleep. A few fights will wake you right up.
3. 1 part training, 4 parts rage.
4. That's like asking me to post the last chapter first. I make no promises either way in the interest of keeping things spoiler free. But he's still alive and kicking, if that's what you really want to know.
5. Back at the castle where we left him. I'm sure we'll get him back in here in a few chapter's time.

- rest assured that work on the next chapter is already under weigh. Honestly, having a strong diet of shounen anime again has helped. Seeing big fights makes me want to write big fights.

But I have to say, I think I some how surpassed my old limit when it came to fight scenes. When I started work on the most recent Great Raid I could feel something there, and when I wrote the last chapter something just fell into place like it hadn't before. There's a smoothness to it I guess? I found a flow that feels good. Like a comfortable groove to slide down. Hard to explain. But I think my days of scratching my brain for fights might be behind me. *Fingers crossed*


As always, thank you for your patronage. See you next round.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on April 01, 2018, 06:24:34 PM
Sorry for the wait! Got another long chapter for y'all's reading pleasure. Eighteen pages this time. I'm a little worried it might have gotten a little messy there in the middle, so you'll have to let me know.

I'm anticipating the next two chapters will come pretty quickly, since they won't be big sprawling battles like these last couple were. Please look forward to them!



OLD SCARS INTO OPEN WOUNDS
OLD SCARS INTO OPEN WOUNDS

Between the four of them, Colt, Coryn, Jack, and October had led what could be described as

long and eventful lives. In all this time, they had each encountered, been a part of, or otherwise

witnessed many events that could be classified as ‘miracles’. The definition of what constituted a

miracle changed of course. Certain species would classify flying as a miracle, but such a

classification would make little sense to a people born with wings. Because of this, miracles

depend entirely upon the observer to determine whether they deserve the distinction. Despite this

limitation, it can be universally agreed upon that resurrection from the dead will classify as a 

miracle in almost every case.

   Some universes have special attributes which make resurrection less of hurdle of course.

But even in these rare places, bringing one’s self back from the dead is no Sunday drive.

Conditions must be met, sacrifices must be made, rules must be followed. Whatever the

mechanism, some price must be paid. But even these universes, miraculous in themselves, could

only affect so much. A being not tied to them, for instance, would have no hope of taking

advantage of their life-giving properties. For a creature such as Shiro then, who existed outside

the time and pull of any single universe, it should have been absolutely out of the question to

drag himself back from oblivion. By all accounts, Shiro should have been as dead as Coryn had

left him over a year earlier. Obviously, that was not the case. Now, the oncoming storm clouds

took on an ominous tone they had not possessed just a few minutes earlier.


   Naomi took a few hesitant steps towards Shiro. Disbelief spelled plainly across her face.

“Just what the hell is this?” She murmured. In front of her, weapons were being quietly drawn,

even as Shiro continued to hold still. Power levels slowly ticked upwards, and open palms

tightened into fists. Naomi moved to grasp her own sword, but was cut off by a curt command

from Colt.

   “Eva, Camarin, restrain her.”

   Naomi’s arms snapped to her sides as Eva’s strings closed around her midsection. She

cocked her head back to see an arrow of yellow energy pointed squarely at her back. “Don’t

make a move.” Said Camarin. Whether Naomi would try to return to Shiro’s side or not, she

wasn’t going to be given the chance.

   Coryn’s sword fell lightly at his side, and his piercing eyes bored straight into Shiro. It

was without doubt Shiro’s energy that he felt, but there was something wrong to it. He felt like it

was coming from far off, like his body had come ahead of his soul. The feeling was deeply

unnerving, but none of the Five were intending to let Shiro live long enough to find out what was

producing that notion.

   October was the first to move. She appeared directly in front of Shiro with a shriek of

kuupo, and sent a massive beam of energy into him. The stone gates crumbled to dust, the stairs

leading down the mountain were replaced with a groove in the earth which glowed red from the

heat. The very ground on which Shiro stood was destroyed, but Shiro himself had escaped before

the energy had touched him. He soared high into the air and put his hands together. As he drew

them apart again, a chain of white energy stretched out. On one end formed a short sickle, on the

other a great weighted blade in the shape of a diamond. It was a crude version of the technique

which he had spontaneously invented in his last battle with the Five, but those below did not

doubt its ability to kill. Coryn and Jack assaulted him in tandem before his descent had even

begun. Blades of ice and steel came at him from above and below, but a twist of the chain sent

his own blades on intercept courses. The pair were forced to fall back, but Shiro was hit in the

back with a blast of energy from below. It seared a hole through his jacket, and he pointed his

eyes at the source. Shiro spied Colt braced against the ground, letting loose with a plasma

throwing rifle.

   Shiro gave the chain another yank to slam his great blade down on to the sharpshooter,

but was stopped short as October grabbed on to the weapon at a link farther up. She held firm,

even as the crackling energy seared her palms, and Shiro was snapped to a stop midair. He began

to retaliate, but October’s interference had bought Colt enough time to zero in on his target, and

he rained fury up at Shiro. The madman pulled his arms up against himself to mitigate the

damage, but it was an untenable position. Shiro released his grip on his weapon, and it dissipated

into the air. He blasted off out of Colt’s reach, but was intercepted by Coryn. The swordsman

was already swinging down his blade, and Shiro only managed to form a small sheet of enix in

his hand to catch the sword without bisecting his arm. “I see you haven’t been resting on your

laurels Coryn!” Shiro said. “Even if you have been asleep of the past year. Once I’m done with

you, I’ll be sure to pay that nice little dimension a visit!” Coryn spun a kick into Shiro’s side

while he was occupied holding the blade back. The blonde would have to worry about how Shiro

had known what he was doing later. Their fight was going to require their full concentration for

now.

   Shiro neared the ground for the first time since the beginning of the battle. He was about

to touch down when he noticed a tale-tale shimmer on the paving stones, but it was too late to

avoid it. As his foot made contact, ice erupted forth and grew and his leg. Shiro broke free of the

ground, but the ice which had encased his lower leg remained, and forced his movements into

and awkward cadence. He wanted to land somewhere safe and bash the ice off himself, but

everywhere he looked the ground was coated in the same glimmer. Shiro spied Jack with his

hands against the ground on the far side of the courtyard. He was feeding it from there, so Shiro

made a bee line for his opponent. As he approached, great pillars of ice erupted around him,

attempting to slam him back into the open air, or otherwise encase him. They grew in frequency

and size as he approached Jack, and finally he was forced to concede. Shiro broke for the clouds

above, but he quickly realized he would never make it to them.
   
   Coryn, October, and Colt had already caught him in a pincer. Their coordination was

perfect. The timing was impeccable. Shiro’s eyes darted back and forth as he searched for an

exit, but no matter where he looked, he couldn’t find one. As each nanosecond passed, the

attack closed in. If Shiro didn’t extricate himself soon, he would wouldn’t be walking away.

   From his opponent’s perspectives, Shiro was done for. By now they had all picked up

upon Coryn’s original deduction. Shiro’s power was like an echo. There was no real substance

behind it, and now they were going to punish him for thinking he could fight them in such a

state. As he realized this, a wave a rage crashed through Shiro’s body. “You think you know

everything? I’ll show you what I really am!”

   By the time they realized what was going on, it was too late. Where the moment before it

had been distant, Shiro’s power sprang forth, present and fully realized. White enix blasted out

from his body in all directions. The Five were sent reeling from the release of power. Eva,

Camarin, and Naomi, still on the ground far below, were themselves pushed almost all the way

back to the base of the castle. Coryn slammed into the stone courtyard, but used the momentum

of his bounce to achieve a perch on the castle wall. His eyes narrowed as he stared up a Shiro,

who was still releasing energy above their heads. The madman was only a dark speck amongst

the white deluge. There wasn’t any outward indication that up until a moment ago, Shiro had

been low on power. Coryn didn’t know what any of this meant, but he knew he didn’t like it one

bit. Colt and October may have been fresh, but Jack and himself were still not fully recovered

from their previous battle. The three girls were in relatively good shape to fight, but he still

didn’t trust Naomi, and even diminished as he had first appeared, Shiro would not have trouble

with Camarin and Eva.

   As Shiro’s power up faded however, the Five once again sensed the distance of his

power. They hoped that his increased power would fade as well, but he remained as strong as

when he finished the blast. Whatever had happened to him, it was not going impact his ability to

perform, at least not in the short term.

   The dark-haired man looked down at his assembled foes. A chuckle escaped from his

impossibly wide smile, before breaking out into a full on laughing fit. He spoke sporadically

though the bursts of amusement. “Not too bad for someone back from the dead huh? Lots of

things have changed in the last year you know.” Shiro pointed at each of the Five in turn. “You

four have been on my mind a lot lately.” His kusarigama slowly formed again in his hands.

“Lots of time to change. Lots of time to think. Oh yes.” Shiro raised an arm above his head and

began to spin his scythe. Bit by bit, he let out more length, until the torque of his spinning

weapon began to pick up dust and debris on the winds it created. “I have contemplated all of the

ways in which I will kill and dismember each of you. Call it petty revenge if you want, but I had

time to kill! You may have stopped my attempt to destroy the Kurousen, but the God War has

broken out, and you sure as hell can’t put a stop to that yourselves!” He let the blade fly loose. It

headed for October, who had found a place to rest atop one of the castle’s towers. She

maneuvered around it, but the tower she left behind was bisected cleanly. Dust spread at is

slammed into the ground, obscuring the battlefield, and sending the fight into a zone of

speculation.

   To an outside observer, only sounds could be heard. Steel and flesh clashed against

screaming energy. Guns discharged, and the electric whine of kuupo was ever present. Coryn

could only see a few feet in any direction, and he fell back on his other senses. Shiro’s great

blade burst forth from the gray cloud. He dodged to the left, and raised his blade right where he

knew Shiro would approach from. Sure enough, Shiro appeared as well, his own energy

signature preceding his movements. He brought his retrieved blade down on Coryn sword.

Together, they stood locked in time. The dust clung to them. Colors dulled beneath the matte

gray, and their skin tones were matched in a deathlike pale. Only their eyes retained an untainted

shine, and those lay squarely pointed at the other. Shiro let his smile melt away, replacing it with

an unwavering look of disappointment. “You make me so sad Coryn. You can’t see the bigger

picture of things.”

“And what would that be Shiro?” Asked Coryn. “Right now, I’m having enough trouble

seeing past the fact you’re even here!”

His enemy chuckled. “I’m not just here to kill you Coryn. I come to you no longer as the

ranting madman. My path has evolved to that of the prophet!” Shiro pressed harder against

Coryn, forcing him to bend his knees into a squat.

   “A prophet? I’ve known you to suffer from a lot of things Shiro, but religious mania was

never one of them.” Coryn let his legs give out. “But it doesn’t matter!” Shiro was caught

unawares, and he flipped headlong over Coryn’s back. As he did so, Coryn swiped downward

with his sword. Blood sprayed across his face, but he did not let it distract him. Coryn rolled to a

knee, and let loose with an energy blast into Shiro’s back before he could recover. As the attack

ran its course, Shiro was revealed. He once again stood near the entrance to the complex. His left

arm was extended out, turned black from having evidently caught the blast bare handed. It

remained firm and malleable however. Shiro gave the hand a few test stretches to confirm it was

still usable. He found it to be to his satisfaction, and let it rest at his side. It was with distain

however, that he looked at his right arm, which lay thirty yards ahead of him at Coryn’s feet.

Blood was pooling there, flowing down through the cracks in the stone, but he paid it little heed,

and turned back towards the Five, who were gathering at Coryn’s side. A light rain began to fall,

and it cleared away the dust covering the combatants and the battlefield. Their noses were filled

with the scent of earth, and Shiro breathed deep before addressing his opponents.

   “You four are the first to bear witness to my prophesy. Before I am through, you will lay

dead upon these stones.” His tone was grandiose, and Coryn couldn’t make heads or tails of his

actions. Losing an arm usually caused more alarm in the one who lost it. Shiro may have been

criminally insane and manic, but he wasn’t immune to pain any more than the rest of them were.

At the very least he should have been grimacing, but he showed no signs of agitation. Coryn

studied him closer. His attention was drawn towards Shiro’s wounds. They bled. Red blood

oozed from the opening like one would normally expect. Shiro could have already begun healing

them, but even the fastest of healers couldn’t escape the initial pain. Coryn opened himself up

more, reaching out with the expanded senses which he had developed over millennia. An

image began to form in his mind as he stared at Shiro’s shoulder, he could almost see it with his

naked eyes.
   
   It was on the tip of his tongue, but Coryn’s concentration was broken when Shiro noticed

his gaze. Suddenly the air was cut off from Coryn’s lungs. His windpipe collapsed inwards as a

great pressure was applied to it. Coryn dropped his sword and clutched at his neck, only to find

the treated leather of Shiro’s jacket, and below that, the muscles, tendons, and bones of his

severed arm.

   Colt moved to intercept, but Coryn acted before he could be reached. Pressing the tips of

his fingers firmly against Shiro’s arm, he pumped his own energy into it. He quickly exceeded

the meager capacity of the separated flesh, and the assembled fighters watched in astonishment

as the white energy leaped from the arm, arced through the air, and bounded back into Shiro’s

main body. It seemed a threshold had been passed. The traitor writhed in pain, but as he fell to

his knees, something even more remarkable occurred. Coryn’s energy traveled out from Shiro’s

body, soaring off in tight bands in all directions. It was as if Shiro was being tethered by reality

itself. Some strands disappeared straight into the ground below him, others were lost in the sky

above. They passed through architecture and plant life alike, without any visible effect. Finally,

Shiro’s arm relaxed its grip on Coryn’s neck, and he swallowed massive gulps of air as the path

to his burning lungs was restored. With Coryn’s loss of contact, the tendrils faded from view.

Without them, Shiro’s arm seemed to reattach to his should as if through some unknown and

invisible force. Shiro knelt on the ground, panting and smoking, but across from him, Coryn

regained his weapon.

   Eva, Camarin, and Naomi had watched these events from afar, but had been unable to

grasp the nature of the phenomenon which they had borne witness to. Each puzzled in their own

way, trying to reach a conclusion about what was going on. But finding none, Eva yelled out in

an attempt to satiate her curiosity. “What the hell was that?”

   Coryn made no movement to answer them. The thing which had sat at the edge of his

mind had been brought into stark, visible reality, if only for a moment. But that moment had

been all he needed to reach the conclusion he had been dreading. Coryn’s voice was raspy, but

filled with pity and empathy. “Shiro…you haven’t resurrected yourself at all. You’re still dead.”

Shiro looked up at him with distain. He tested out his restored limb as he spoke.

   “A very astute observation.” He pitched his voice so it would carry to the girls behind the

assembled Five. “You did a very good job of killing me Coryn, but you failed in a very important

way. You failed to destroy my body, and so I just reached out, and took it back!” Shiro belted out

a staccato laugh. “My soul may still be chained in Hell, but now, I barely feel a thing!” He

gripped his right hand into a fist, and dug into his own flesh with his finger nails. Slowly, blood

began to drip on to the gray stone. “Not even my own body can slow me down anymore.” Shiro

began to reform his blades. “Best chance you got, is to rend me down to cinders.” With a

flourish, Shiro flung his large blade straight through the Five, directly on course for the three

girls behind them. “And baby, there ain’t no way I’m letting that happen!”

   Naomi was nearly thrown to the ground as Eva unwrapped the strings which had

restrained her. Even as the strings were reforming into a lattice in front of them, Naomi knew

that no amount of hurried workmanship was going to keep out Shiro’s blade. This realization

dawned on Eva a moment later, but she was too committed now to change her course. The blade

closed in to within a few feet, and Eva shuttered her eyes. Her heart skipped a bit as she

imagined the heavy blade penetrating her barrier and piercing her chest, but when the moment

passed in her mind, and she remained standing, she reopened her eyes. Colt was out in front of

them, his great-sword out in front him. He had struck the chord with the blade, and forced it to

wrap around his sword. Together they engaged in a short tug of war. Shiro was hauled forward

by a few feet, but ultimately the blade was his weapon. He sent a wave flowing through it with a

quick flourish. Being made of his own energy, Shiro’s kusarigama had a tremendous impact not

belied by its form, and Colt’s grasp on his blade was broken. The cowboy was sent flying into

the air, and Shiro turned his attention to those closest to him.

   Jack and Coryn came at him at once. Shiro let himself fall back as Jack swung a newly

formed blade at him. His palms hit the cold stone and he pulled up into a flip as Coryn stabbed

out to spear him. The tip of Coryn’s sword skirted past its target as Shiro twisted, and was

knocked clean of its owner’s grasp as the glowing chain whipped back around and caught

Coryn from the side. Coryn had slid across the courtyard and slammed into the castle wall by the

time Shiro completed his maneuver. Shiro turned his head up and expected to see Jack suffer the

same fate, but was caught at a disadvantage when Jack snapped Coryn’s blade from the air, and

with his own ice saber, met Shiro’s energy-form with both weapons. The white energy was

cleaved through, and Jack turned to his opponent.

   His first attack came from a high stance, and Shiro spread out a sheet of energy in front

of himself. When the slash came down, the three distinct materials clashed and sparked against

each other. For a moment it was unclear who would win the contest, but Jack had made a

mistake. In his inexperience with the weapons, he had not gotten close enough to Shiro. Shiro

only had to catch the tips of the blades, and he exploited his opening. With a flourish, Shiro grew

out his energy net, and wrapped it around the two swords. He placed Jack to his back, and

constricted his net around the weapons. Both ice and steel were wrested from Jack’s hands, and

Shiro sent them flying into the air. Jack’s surprise left him open, and Shiro sent a kick into his

gut. Jack keeled over, but before Shiro could attack him again, October appeared over Jack’s

back, and descended upon her foe. This time, Shiro did not have the opportunity to defend

himself with enix, and resorted to blocking October’s rain of blows with his bare flesh.

   With every blow, the ground behind Shiro was blasted away. Each strike of October’s

fists grooved out a spray of dirt and rock, and soon Shiro was being forced back and down.

Despite the weather, powdery black soil was being forced into the air. It coated the two

combatants, and stung their eyes. It turned quickly to mud and was washed off by the rain, only

for fresh dirt to replace it. Shiro squinted to keep out the worst of the debris, but October seemed

unbothered. Her singular focus was wearing the monster down, and he could feel each impact

slowly turning his forearms to a bloody mush. Shiro cast his glance around for a way to escape,

but his back was now firmly against the ground as October buried him with her fists. Invariably,

Shiro’s muscles turned to paste, his bones fractured, his tendons were pulled and stretched to

their breaking points. Despite his new-found resilience, Shiro screamed in agony. If the assault

kept up, there was little to no chance he was going to retain the use of his arms, and that would

decide the result of the battle then and there. With no other recourse, Shiro took a gamble. He

concentrated as much energy as he could just above his solar plexus. October’s view was

obscured, and when she realized what he was planning, Shiro had already completed his work.

   The energy blast erupted from Shiro’s chest. It was a messy and unbridled piece of work,

which would not distinguish friend from foe. His own arms were caught in the blast, and were

flung to his sides unceremoniously. But, Shiro had caught his target in the attack, and he settled

for the results he could achieve. It was now October’s turn to defend herself by hastily throwing

up her arms, and while Shiro could see that the burning energy turned her sleeves to cinder, he

knew it would only serve to make some space between himself and October. It was with a sense

of failure that Shiro road the backwards force of his attack up the slope that had formed behind

him and back up to ground level. Shiro was lifted a dozen feet up into the air, and deposited

forcefully onto the paving stones. Without his arms to break his fall, Shiro’s face bashed against

the ground. Blood gushed from his now broken nose, but Shiro ignored it, and forced his

attention to regaining control of his limbs. His arms were initially numb, but a fuzzy sense of

feeling was returning to them. Flexing his back, Shiro forced himself to his knees. The rest of the

Five were still scattered, and the battlefield momentarily experienced peace.


   Across the courtyard, the three girls watched as the battle ground to a halt. Having moved

instinctually to protect the group, Eva had left Naomi free of her bonds. Naomi, for her part, was

making no noise about her change in fortunes. Even she could see that leaving her free was the

smartest move given the circumstances. Eva could not both contain her and fight back in case

Shiro turned his ire towards them. Of course, she considered the possibility that Alina’s alternate

had simply forgotten about her in the heat of the moment. In either case, she didn’t intend to

make so much as a peep until the battle was decided one way or the other. That was a vow she

intended to keep to, but soon found her resolve questioned as Eva and Camarin argued in front of

her. She was keeping an ear towards them, while keeping her eyes firmly trained on Shiro as he

recovered. They both clearly wanted to enter the fray, especially now that Shiro was vulnerable,

but were obviously frightened enough to stay their hands.

   For what felt like hours, but couldn’t have lasted for more than half a minute, Naomi

watched them argue. She could feel her own feelings getting mixed up in the current situation.

Without a doubt, they weren’t the people Naomi had grown up with, but their faces were still the

same. They bickered in the same way. How they carried themselves felt the same. Naomi

realized she was biting her lip, and eased the pressure on it, but could already taste the warm,

copper taste of fresh blood sliding down the back of her throat. She wanted to yell at them, but

what came out was hardly a whisper. “He’ll kill you…” Camarin and Eva stopped, turned to her,

and for the first time since the fight had begun, fully recognized that Naomi was even present.

Naomi felt a pang of something like relief, but it faded as she recognized the looks on their faces.

Contrary to her intentions, Naomi’s words seemed to have galvanized the resolves of Eva and

Camarin. The pair paused for just a moment. Camarin spoke a few words, and together, they

sped off towards the recovering Shiro.

   Naomi took note that Shiro had recovered enough to fend the two off with telekinesis,

and even that the rest of the Five were beginning to converge on him once again. But these

thoughts barely registered. Instead, Camarin’s words were ringing in Naomi’s ears. They were

all too similar to what she had told her own friends years earlier. On the day they had first

encountered Shiro. They were utterly defeated, and forced to watch as Shiro slaughter everyone

they had known growing up. When the chaos had ended, and Shiro offered to let them serve as

his guard, Alexis had said much of the same as Naomi just had. There was no other hope for

their lives, and when it had come time for Naomi to decide for the group, she had taken the same

path. “He’ll kill us all, either way…”

   At the time, Naomi had reasoned it would be better to live long in servitude, than die

quick, but free. She began to pound the stones below with her fist. With every impact, the

blood stain from her knuckles grew larger, and with each blow, her rage grew. This Camarin girl,

who wore Kalya’s face like it was her own, had followed the exact same logic, and taken the

exact opposite course. Even if Shiro had ultimately been the reason Naomi’s own team was

eventually destroyed, they had got to live. Even if Alexis had been brainwashed and raped. Even

if Alina and Kalya couldn’t live the way they would have liked. Even if Naomi herself had to

watch her friends destroy themselves. At least they had gotten to live. At least Shiro had been

killed. At least…

   She looked up. Shiro was back on his feet, and fighting like a cornered animal. But there

he was all the same. Whether or not he was truly ‘dead’ or ‘alive’, it did not matter. Shiro was

here, he was still killing. She could no longer take solace in the knowledge that Shiro had been

punished. Naomi sat at the scene of the lowest moment in her life, and the man who had brought

her there had barely suffered at all. No, Shiro had not suffered one ten-thousandth of what he

deserved, of what Naomi intended to put him through.

   Naomi forced her foot to get back flat against the ground. As she pushed herself back up,

her black katana formed itself in her hand. As she straightened her back, she caught fire. Scarlet

energy roared around Naomi, and as she dropped into a rushing stance, she concentrated every

inch of it into her blade. It poured out from the black steel, it burned her own hands as she held

it. Through the hilt, Naomi could feel the blade quivering under the pressure. She pushed deeper,

until every last drop of her power rushed from the sword like an enraged torrent of flame.

“Shiro…” Naomi’s feet left the ground, and she exploded directly at Shiro. Red fire fueled her

speed, and like a rocket, she closed in. Shiro was distracted by one of the other fighters, but

Naomi’s anger blocked who it was from her mind. She was going to rend Shiro to ash, and it

didn’t matter who else was caught in her net. If she had to choose between and innocent life and

Shiro’s, she would make the same decision a thousand times, until not one iota of his being

remained. “I’m going to end you, Shiro!”

   They were no more than two yards apart. Naomi began her swing. As she moved, so did

Shiro. He had knocked his opponent away, and as Shiro turned, Naomi caught site of his left

hand. Within it, he held a pulsing orb of white energy. “I have no time for you, Naomi!”

   She was already committed. He blade was already in motion. But try as she might, Naomi

could not match Shiro’s speed. His blast caught her midway through her swing. First, the light

blinded her. She could feel the blade resisting, but then, that resistance failed. Naomi let loose

her ruined armament, and put her arms up to resist the beam as much as she could. But there was

nothing to be done. She had spent her reserves. There was nothing left to pull on. Naomi

reflected on her life, decided she ultimately regretted most of it, and disappeared.


   From the outside, Coryn had only seen Naomi rushing in after it had become too late to

stop her. Shiro’s blast, which had been intended for someone else, encompassed her, surpassed

her, and ultimately slammed into the front of the castle. At first, he could see her, darkly

highlighted against the raging white. Her flame was visible within it, but then it was

extinguished. Without that to protect her, so too, was Naomi’s dark silhouette banished. As the

attack finished, Coryn felt an object bounce off his foot. He looked down, only to see the grip of

Naomi’s katana. The blade had been melted all the way down, and only the half-charred hilt

remained. It was the only thing which remained to mark her presence on that battlefield. Coryn

picked it up with a ginger hand. The metal glowed softly from the intense power which had been

running through it oh so recently. He pulled his gaze away from the remains of the weapon, and

took in Shiro. Their old friend was panting from the exhaustion, and he had pulled his own

energy-form weapon close to defend himself. Shiro was clearly out of energy, and the look on

his face told Coryn that he knew that his opponents knew as well. The madman glared at him for

just and instant, and disappeared in a flash of white. There was no winning the fight, and Shiro

knew it. He still had enough sense to retreat when what remained of his life was threatened it

seemed.

   The rest of the party took Shiro’s retirement from the battlefield as a sign of temporary

victory, if not a final one. Eva and Camarin collapsed. They had exhausted themselves, even

over such a short time, but they were relatively unscathed. Jack squatted, breathing heavily. Colt

carefully inspected his weapons, making sure they were ready in case of a surprise second round.

Only October caught Coryn’s gaze, which was focused on the hole which Shiro’s last attack had

opened up just above and to the right of the castle’s main doors. “What are you thinking Coryn?”

   Coryn did not meet her directly. Instead, he waved the ruined grip in October’s direction,

and started to wander towards the castle gates. October followed quickly after him, and together,

they arrived at the grand doors. Together, they pushed them open, and let in the rain. Within,

pale light shown through the fresh aperture above them. They followed the wide ray, and it led

them to the diverging paths of the great staircase before them. From the door, they could not see

the top of the landing. But as they approached, Coryn grew more and more certain of what they

would find. Shiro’s blast had slammed into the wooden reliefs above them. They had been

reduced to charcoal, but it seemed his attack did not have enough power to pierce the wall behind

them. A dark streak of soot was drawn below the images, leading to the obscured landing. The

pair stepped onto the lowest steps, and began their ascent. Ash fell on their faces from the slow

burning wood above, replacing the rain. Finally, they crested the top of the stairs. Before them,

laying crumpled at the base of the ruined woodcut of Amaterasu, was the burnt form of Naomi

Amano. No movement remained. There she rested, blackened, and still.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJISG67FjeM
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on April 14, 2018, 08:34:08 PM
Review for Old Scars into Open Wounds
OLD SCARS INTO OPEN WOUNDS


0. Why is the song so awesome? You know what, new rule: Thou shalt not post a story without an accompanying song. You've got goodish  taste in music in general but this song has definitely enhanced the experience for reading this chapter Coryn.



1. Between the four of them, Colt, Coryn, Jack, and October had led what could be described as

long and eventful lives. In all this time, they had each encountered, been a part of, or otherwise

witnessed many events that could be classified as ‘miracles’. The definition of what constituted a

miracle changed of course. Certain species would classify flying as a miracle, but such a

classification would make little sense to a people born with wings. Because of this, miracles

depend entirely upon the observer to determine whether they deserve the distinction. Despite this

limitation, it can be universally agreed upon that resurrection from the dead will classify as a

miracle in almost every case.


* Something missing between 'What consituted a miracle' sentence and 'certain species'. If you put a minor story of evolution that builds up and leads to the word 'species' the awe at flight would be more pronounced, especially if you threw an aloof example in the middle of the text e.g Rasputin or something or if you glided at least over the fact that October is not even human (anymore? I don't remember if she's an original vamp or not)



2. Some universes have special attributes which make resurrection less of hurdle of course.

But even in these rare places, bringing one’s self back from the dead is no Sunday drive.

- Good to know that there are still rules out there.



3. Now, the oncoming storm clouds



took on an ominous tone they had not possessed just a few minutes earlier.
- Better written with a forward flowing sense of time rather than revisionary e.g 'clouds rolled over the sky. They gradually took on an ominous tone. OR e.g the gray clouds that floated about gradually took on an ominous tone they had not possessed just a few minutes earlier.




4. Naomi’s arms snapped to her sides as Eva’s strings closed around her midsection. She

cocked her head back to see an arrow of yellow energy pointed squarely at her back. “Don’t

make a move.” Said Camarin. Whether Naomi would try to return to Shiro’s side or not, she

wasn’t going to be given the chance.

- Dun dun dun



5.
  Coryn’s sword fell lightly at his side, and his piercing eyes bored straight into Shiro. It

was without doubt Shiro’s energy that he felt, but there was something wrong to it. He felt like it

was coming from far off, like his body had come ahead of his soul. The feeling was deeply

unnerving, but none of the Five were intending to let Shiro live long enough to find out what was

producing that notion.

- Why, just why do they still want to murder him. Seriously The Five are more lenient to eachother than Shiro. Like he freaked out ONE time. Are you telling me that any of the others have managed to be immortal without screwing over something badly?




6. Blades of ice and steel came at him from above and below, but a twist of the chain sent

his own blades on intercept courses.

- So Kubo Tite. Epic action stuff as always.



7. Coryn spun a kick into Shiro’s side

while he was occupied holding the blade back. The blonde would have to worry about how Shiro

had known what he was doing later.

- Funny, almost never seen Coryn never having the right words to say.



8. Shiro broke free of the ground, but the ice which had encased his lower leg remained, and forced his movements into and awkward cadence.

- For once in my life I read an anime story where the ice guy doesn't just make refridgerator ice that doesn't do anything really damaging or helpful. Jack is proving to be useful in cool ways, man.




9.  Call it petty revenge if you want, but I had

time to kill! You may have stopped my attempt to destroy the Kurousen, but the God War has

broken out, and you sure as hell can’t put a stop to that yourselves!” He let the blade fly loose.

- Man God Wars don't sound like anything fun or even reasonable... Things are hitting the fan I see.


10. “You make me so sad Coryn. You can’t see the bigger

picture of things.”

- Can you please first explain yh




11.  “You four are the first to bear witness to my prophesy. Before I am through, you will lay

dead upon these stones.”

- Just need to comment that the song really goes in at this point. (And several other points in the chapter but yeah here it happened to reach the crescendo and it was so damn cinematic you have no idea)




12.   It was on the tip of his tongue, but Coryn’s concentration was broken when Shiro noticed

his gaze. Suddenly the air was cut off from Coryn’s lungs. His windpipe collapsed inwards as a

great pressure was applied to it.

- One of the first times that I legit almost felt the pain that Coryn or other immortals felt. The whole passage including this sudden twist gave me a visceral taste of the actual pain and action involved in being an immortal fighter (other than Shiros death in CS 2). So if you know how you wrote this passage, repeat this sort of thing and spread this mojo because it definitely hits.




13. The traitor writhed in pain, but as he fell to

his knees, something even more remarkable occurred. Coryn’s energy traveled out from Shiro’s

body, soaring off in tight bands in all directions. It was as if Shiro was being tethered by reality

itself. Some strands disappeared straight into the ground below him, others were lost in the sky

above.


- I've watched enough anime to understand that white energy flows out of Shiro as he loses it, but you assumed that everyone knew what Coryn's energy looked like - is it electric, like water? Is it fast or slow? What is Shiro doing as these currents emanate from him?




14. “Shiro…you haven’t resurrected yourself at all. You’re still dead.”

Shiro looked up at him with distain. He tested out his restored limb as he spoke.


- Dammit I don't even know what's happening here. Is this some DBZ permanent death stuff? If yes then Shiro was madder than I thought. Die man. The afterlife is better than the neverlife.


15. “And baby, there ain’t no way I’m letting that happen!”

- Man there's gotta be a wicked song for this part of the story at least. Although tbh the themesong has still been pretty good so far so yeah.


16.    Jack and Coryn came at him at once. Shiro let himself fall back as Jack swung a newly

formed blade at him. His palms hit the cold stone and he pulled up into a flip as Coryn stabbed

out to spear him. The tip of Coryn’s sword skirted past its target as Shiro twisted, and was

knocked clean of its owner’s grasp as the glowing chain whipped back around and caught

Coryn from the side. Coryn had slid across the courtyard and slammed into the castle wall by the

time Shiro completed his maneuver. Shiro turned his head up and expected to see Jack suffer the

same fate, but was caught at a disadvantage when Jack snapped Coryn’s blade from the air, and

with his own ice saber, met Shiro’s energy-form with both weapons. The white energy was

cleaved through, and Jack turned to his opponent.


- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EieA3KIykjg
I accidentally started listening to this song at this section, and it doesn't fit at all, but for this session it was awesome 'I ain't in no hurry, you go run and tell your friends you're losing touch, fill your friends with rumours of impeding doom'. I imagined it perfectly. Like I saw a Tarantino esque  scene where Shiro is twisting and turning fighting all of The Five and everyone is reacting like the Power Rangers do (With all those small boxes showing their faces in some moments and all their exagarrated reactions when they're attacked)

Guh, never mind.



17. For a moment it was unclear who would win the contest, but Jack had made a

mistake. In his inexperience with the weapons, he had not gotten close enough to Shiro.

- Dammit. Ice guys always lose afterall.


18. This time, Shiro did not have the opportunity to defend

himself with enix, and resorted to blocking October’s rain of blows with his bare flesh.

- Does enix take long to form or was it a matter of resources as in he had already used it to defend against others?


19. With no other recourse, Shiro took a gamble. He

concentrated as much energy as he could just above his solar plexus.

- Did Shiro seriously think he could take everybody on? If even one of his attacks could get blocked then what the hell is he doing? He risked so much, and he's going to get his ass kicked again.  That's not to say that he doesn't deserve it, though. He's shown zero concern or interest for his subordinates so yeah please get beaten in an embarrasing manner.


20. The pair paused for just a moment. Camarin spoke a few words, and together, they

sped off towards the recovering Shiro.

- Idiots...


21.   When the chaos had ended, and Shiro offered to let them serve as

his guard, Alexis had said much of the same as Naomi just had. There was no other hope for

their lives, and when it had come time for Naomi to decide for the group, she had taken the same

path. “He’ll kill us all, either way…”

- Wait a goshdarned minute they were beinge stockholmed the entire time? I thought they joined for a reason! Either nega-morals are weird as heck, or I've got to reexamine how much I feel sorry for Shiro's subordinates.

22. Even if Alexis had been brainwashed and raped.


....

....

.... wut.

... Wow, just wow.

... *censored* Shiro.




23.    Naomi forced her foot to get back flat against the ground. As she pushed herself back up,

her black katana formed itself in her hand. As she straightened her back, she caught fire. Scarlet

energy roared around Naomi, and as she dropped into a rushing stance, she concentrated every

inch of it into her blade.


- I-ke, Naomi!



24.  Red fire fueled her

speed, and like a rocket, she closed in.


 - I- KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH



25.  “I’m going to end you, Shiro!”

- End him.



26. . He blade was already in motion.

***her


27. But try as she might, Naomi

could not match Shiro’s speed.

- dammit


28. The blade had been melted all the way down, and only the half-charred hilt

remained.


-Chikuso



29.  The madman glared at him for

just and instant, and disappeared in a flash of white.



- COWARD



30.  Coryn did not meet her directly. Instead, he waved the ruined grip in October’s direction,

and started to wander towards the castle gates. October followed quickly after him, and together,

they arrived at the grand doors. Together, they pushed them open, and let in the rain.


- Surprisingly cinematic scene. Totally heard that deluge of rain as the gates opened...


31. Before them,

laying crumpled at the base of the ruined woodcut of Amaterasu, was the burnt form of Naomi

Amano. No movement remained. There she rested, blackened, and still.


- Man, *censored* you Shiro



General Thoughts



- Weird. You've got this thing where you describe actions in a reviewer's voice - they've already happend but you explain how they end up i.e like I said on comment 3. Personally it feels weird to read, especially because I've seen you do more staccatto direct action in stuff like Mortal Combat, but the nature of the chapter made this style of yours quite fitting, so to be honest ignore everything I ever say on that front (I think I mentioned the same on the Bleach fan fic review somewhere, so yeah) This might be something of your own style that you need to nurture rather than avoid.

I hope sincerely that Shiro was always this bad of an asshole. If you turned him into this rape allowing creature of the night because I felt sympathy for his disembowlent then CHEAP MOVE DUDE. But yeah, otherwise I pretty much do want him to end. Bastard has no redeeming qualities anymore.

I wish The Five would talk to eachother more. I assumed when I first got into CS that ther'd be at least fan art or fan fiction or background stories that'd flesh out the relationship between The Five, but the more I read the more I notice that it'll be necessary for this merry group of immortals who've already had every possible emotional drunken party of honesty with eachother to set aside all small talk to deal with the very real threats that confront them in this concluding volume of CS. I don't know how you could swing it, but it'd seriously be nice to have more hints at The Fives' backstories somehow somewhere.

Otherwise it was a pretty fun chapter. And now I think you don't quite need to read more novels, you need to see more television! Or anime. I  mean hell yeah for language you'll get what you need from reading legit prose works, but I don't think anything can give you passion for finishing your story other than imagining it on the big screen or absorbing inspiration from that source. I suggest this very subjectively because I'm rewatching Kill Bill, and it's the first time I've rewatched an old school classic like ever, and now I know the appeal: There is merit to rewatching old classics. It's like doing repetitions (e.g pushups) for the creative brain.


So thankful for a new chapter dude, and so soon! I thought I'd need to be reading this ages later. Good stuff. Keep at it, and cheers!


Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on April 14, 2018, 10:37:52 PM
0. Oops. This may be the wrong time to mention that you weren't supposed to click on the song until after reading the chapter. But if you liked reading to it, all the better. I don't know, I guess I've always preferred to keep song postings out of CS, despite using them almost every where else.

1. I definitely  could have expanded that more, but I was in a rush to get to the fight. Apologies.

October is a born vamp, but it's necessary to expand the scope of who is and who is not 'human' when you get into territory like this.

2. Always rules, even if they don't seem apparent from a real world perspective.

3. The storm clouds we're unfortunately added in towards the end of the chapter when I realized I wanted the storm for the last scene. So I get where this is coming from.

4. Indeed.

5. There's a difference between a single freak out or mistake and straight up turning evil demigod and rampaging across the universe for a couple millennia. Like I've been saying all along: Shiro became an evil *censored* bro.

6. Thanks.

7. Part of this Arc is definitely about fixing mistakes of the past. Mine, specifically. Coryn never came across quite the way I wanted him to. Sure, he's flippant and all that, bit I never wanted him to be some ubermensch who's always on the ball with everything. So apologies if anything you read in this Arc feels slightly like a retcon. (It totally is maybe kinda) although I promise there won't be plot changing consequences. (This is why I always vowed to start over from the beginning when I finished this Arc)

8. Remember that sentiment in a few comments time. Also remember how you said it last time. Jack is valid in all ways. This just wasn't a good day for anyone.

9. Nope. Bad times for all.

10. I think you forgot to finish this one...

11. Again, really glad this worked out, although unintentionally.

12. I'm trying to be more visceral with the combat. Bleach style is good for big, showey scenes, but I've found I really like it when you can feel the pain as a reader.

13. This goes back to my earlier 'sins of the past' comment. I fall so often into the pitfall of assuming anime knowledge. So I need to get a better vocabulary for how these things look. Especially because I do want the movements of energy to differ between characters and points in time. I guess it's fair to say that I always want the motion of enix to match the emotion of the character in that moment. I do after all refer to a person's enix as their life force in a way. So to me it makes sense to tie it directly to their hearts.

14. I recognized this problem while writing, but didn't know how to fix it properly (you don't want to read the first draft on this bit). But in essence, what Shiro is doing is essentially making a marionette of his own body. He's stretched out his soul until he could grab it, but he's still like, totally dead, and now really *censored*ed up because his soul has been spaghettified as well. But as I tried to get across in the beginning, while death can be escaped, it's not easy, and it's certainly not what Shiro has done. It's like trying to reach the remote from your bed, not wanting to actually leave bed, and then getting stuck on the floor with one foot in bed and a hand on the remote.

15/16. Yeah something like that. I was at least trying to be cinematic there.

17. Refer to above comment.

18. Yes and yes. More juice takes longer to build up, and you can't build up any if there's no gas in the tank.

19. Shiro... is not well.

20. Brave idiots.

21. They were coerced, although it's not like their ideologies didn't match up somewhat. But to put a button on the rest of that relationship: Nega-girls are evil, but they had a personal code. Shiro is just plain evil without regard and can't feel emotional connections with other beings but himself.

22. I've been saying that *censored* for years. Although don't think of this as like, an attack on the street sort of situation. More like the abusive partner thing with an incredibly off kilter power balance.

23-25. I'm glad you're feeling it.

26. Oops.

27-29. I mean there was really only one way this was going to end.

30. Thanks.

31. Glad you're finally on board.



Wrap up: yeah, I'm working on that style thing. 'legit prose' as you say has finally taken root in me. Although I do want to draw a balance between the stucato stuff and what you're describing, although to be honest, I can't really see it in there personally. It's just how I've naturally developed as a writer after all. It's in the DNA somewhere, so I'd better nurse it, otherwise exorcising it shall be mighty troublesome.

I get what you mean about the Five interacting, and I take that back to my writing wrongs comment (get it? Badum tish. *Is violently pulled off stage). I swear I shall make them into the immortal buddies I've always wanted them to be. But I can't swear Shiro was always evil. We've already established that he wasn't.


As for getting this one out quickly, well... well maybe like, come back in a week's time for the next chapter? Cause it's like... already written and just needs editing.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on April 15, 2018, 11:43:29 AM
What the hell did you eat man? You haven't done two chapters in a year in ages ye bastard. Looking forward to it. Because I'm pretty much done nitpicking at your writing style I think I'll just look for typos and grammos and say which parts worked for me... Along the usual questions.





Ah, 10 was 10. “You make me so sad Coryn. You can’t see the bigger

picture of things.”

- Can you please first explain how you're still alive?

What was naturally already answered.


P.S that writing wrongs pun was abomnible... I'll steal it.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on April 15, 2018, 03:10:38 PM
Technically it'll be the fourth chapter released this year. I'm really steam rolling it. (We'd be farther if I didn't have so many other stories I'm working on right now too...)
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on June 10, 2018, 05:28:28 PM
And here it is. A little later than anticipated, but life led me to taking a few weeks off writing progress. Anyhow, this kicks off the next round of story postings. And the next CS chapter is already 60ish% done, so we're well on our way to the next release period.

(I'm also hoping this chapter reads a little better on mobile. I remixed my formatting a little bit, so I'm no longer jerry-rigging my paragraph spacing. It's been a hold over from the early days (hello there microsoft word 1995). So let me know how it holds up on your end.)


MARTIAN DREAMERS

MARTIAN DREAMERS

It was, by a rough consensus, their third night out on the dunes of Mars. Coryn had sworn he had marked the position of Phobos when they first arrived. Colt argued that it had actually been Deimos which had been in the sky. October didn’t know which was which off hand, so argued that they both could have been right. Jack had still been asleep at the time, and so did not cast a vote. Shiro, on the other hand, simply offered that it felt like they had slept for roughly two days. So, while it was still a rough consensus, it could still be called a consensus. The group agreed to this much, woke Jack, and went about making the place a little more comfortable for themselves.

   Coryn half walked, half slid down the red dune before him. He had lost track of his coat and shoes hours ago, so sand squeezed up between his toes with every step. Sometimes he would discover an open pocket just below the surface, which would lead to his foot plunging deep into the sand, and he could feel a collection of dust growing in his rolled-up pant legs. Still, his forward momentum continued. October clung drunkenly to his arm. At first, he had accepted her offers to hold his beer while they made the more treacherous maneuvers, but it seemed she was deducting a tax each time he let the bottle leave his hand. While annoying, it was easily remedied. Behind them stretched a trail of empty brown bottles, and between them and that trail, treaded Jack. He had hoisted the cooler onto his back, and was slurring a jaunty tune as he hiked along. More than once on their trek, he had compared the sand dunes to snow dunes. October and Coryn weren’t convinced it was a perfect parallel, but their fair-haired friend seemed unbothered, so they left him to his own beer slinging devices.
   It was a good thing too, that they were all pitching in to the path back. Only after a mile out, had they realized that they hadn’t told Shiro and Colt which direction they were headed in. Or, for a matter of fact, that they were leaving their little base camp at all. The two were engaged in some alcohol inspired play-wrestling at the time, and the trio told themselves it would have been a shame to have broken up the fun. But, they had taken the supply of cold beverages with them, so it could only be a matter of time before Colt and Shiro sprinted after them. Until then, the three gathered weren’t going to be ashamed of finishing off the cooler themselves. It wasn’t their turn to make a beer run, (it was Colt’s), and if he didn’t make the effort to help himself before that, it was his own loss. Although it would be everyone’s loss if he used it as a pretext not to bring snacks back for the rest of them.
   It was doubtful though, that a lack of snacks, or temporary lapse in the alcohol supply would dampen their spirits. Three days earlier, they had survived the fight of their lives, been completely drained of energy, and passed out on the nearest soft surface. In this case, that happened to be a version of Mars from an unknown dimension, well short of their actual destination. Above all however, it had marked the first time the five of them had ever cooperated as a group. They had all met one another at some time or the other. Primarily through hanging around Coryn, but separately on occasion as well. In this instance however, they had each gathered to fight a common enemy. Despite themselves, they found that they had each enjoyed the experience immensely. The life of the traveling immortal will often be a lonely existence, but here they had each found people who they could count on. Not only to fight by their sides, but to be alive they next time they needed an alley, or just a friend. For the first time, each of these disparate individuals found themselves friends who they could share in, and enjoy a life without end with. This was not a conclusion they had reached immediately, but eight hours of ceaseless carousing has a way of putting things in context.
   They crested another dune, and Coryn shook off October so he could make his way back down the side they had just come up. “Keep going. Bathroom.” Jack danced around Coryn as they passed, still singing to no one but himself but for that brief exchange, and Coryn snatched a fresh refreshment from the cooler. As his friends passed out of sight, Coryn turned to the side, unzipped his fly, and let nature take its course. While he relieved himself, he looked into the night sky above, and located the pale blue dot which signified Earth. “Dear…Earth scientists. Please disregard the local atmospheric anomaly on the planet of Mars. It’s just that our beer kept evaporating, and it was like…really cold…and…” Coryn’s thought process trailed off into silence as he finished up. He began to push back up the rise, but before he had taken five steps, October’s voice rang out over the desert.
   “Coryn! Get your ass up here! We found it!”
   Sure enough, as Coryn caught up to the pair, he saw their target. An exploration rover was picking its way across the sand at a little less than the speed of a snail. Jack had plopped the cooler into the sands, and had turned it in to a makeshift chair. October meanwhile, was bothering the robot. She poked and prodded it, testing out each surface and material. Coryn was surprised she hadn’t already accidentally ruined it. The camera ‘eyes’ of the machine were tracking her movements the best they could. While Coryn didn’t know what time it was back on Earth, he could only imagine some poor, unpaid intern freaking out in a lonely control room during the nightshift. By the time Coryn reached her, October had already resorted to making faces and rude gestures to the rover. It turned to look at him, and for an expressionless robot, Coryn imagined he could see a look that said: ‘please help me’ on its rectangle of a face. Coryn shrugged at the machine, and moved over next to October. “I just said I wanted to see it, not that I wanted you to punch it.”
   Her face was the picture of indignance. “I didn’t punch it! I just, jabbed it a little! Besides, it doesn’t look any worse for wear.” Indeed, from the look of things, the robot looked like it had been through a few storms at least. Coryn suffered from a sudden bout of paranoia, and scanned the sky to make sure they weren’t about to be squashed as the poor rover’s replacement came crashing down on to their heads. October was not distracted however, and was now just staring into the camera’s oculus. “Do you think anyone’s watching us? Anyone human, I mean.”
   Coryn reflected back to the intern in his mind. “I think even if anyone is at the controls, they won’t get the signal for a few minutes.” He didn’t know for sure, but it sounded good.
   “Kiss me.” Said October.
   The order gave Coryn a start. October’s advances were usually in jest, but it seemed now that her drunkenness had led her to become deadly serious. Normally he would reject her out of hand, but his usual resilience to the technical existence of their marriage was muted by the drink. And besides, it was a night to celebrate. On tonight of all nights, he owed her that contract. Coryn grabbed ahold of his wife, pressed his lips against hers, and leaned in.
   In Coryn’s mind, the intern came to a stop, a bright red phone in one hand, a telecom radio in the other. Voices shouted frantic words out of them, but he could only watch on like it was one of the great romances of all time. After all, it wasn’t every day you could see two people who had managed to stay married after two-thousand years. Most people wondered how they could stay together for just fifty, Coryn imagined.
   The couple were then interrupted, by a much more concrete observer. Jack’s voice rang out from behind them. “Just so we’re clear. I am watching, and I find it disgusting!” He took another swig of beer before rolling his eyes, just in case his glibness was not completely apparent. October and Coryn broke apart, and Coryn shouted back at his friend.
   “Oh, don’t be shy Jack! Get over here, I’ll kiss you too! We can all be on the jumbotron down at the space center!”
   Jack dropped his bottle and clutched the area above his heart. He spoke with all the cheese of a freshman drama student. “Oh Coryn, I never knew that’s the way you felt about me! I’m coming dearest! Take me into your arms!”
   Coryn replied in kind. “Of course, Jack! Where would I ever be without you!” The pair began to run in fake slow motion towards each other, or perhaps standard drunken motion, but were interrupted as a dark figure crashed into the desert between them. In the resulting sand spray, Coryn was caught by surprise as an arm wrapped around his neck, and took him to the ground. He felt himself sliding down the dune, and by the time the dust cleared, it was clear who the culprits were. Shiro and Colt had finally caught up, and had decided it was the perfect time to give their friends a scare. As it conspired, all five of them were now in a tangled bunch which had come to rest about halfway down the hill of sand. Colt and Shiro were laughing so contagiously that it eventually spread to the other three, and for a time, they simply convulsed on the ground together. Slowly, the laughter petered out, and they rearranged to be a little more comfortable. They took a moment to just catch their breath, and then enjoyed the silence. After a minute of just enjoying the peace with each other, Jack spoke. “Y’know guys, I’ve really had a good time with everyone this last week.” A general agreement went up, and the group reflected on their adventure together. Tales were shared from different perspectives. It was argued who saved who, who actually needed saving, and who ‘had it totally under control, honest’. Finally, when there was a break in the conversation, Shiro said what everyone had in the back of their minds.
   “If it’s cool with everyone, I think we should make this official.”
   Colt cocked his head up. “What exactly are you proposing Shiro?”
   “Well…” Said Shiro. “I was thinking that we should…I don’t know. Make a pact, I guess? We should agree to keep being comrades, and always come to help each other when they need it. I just-” He was interrupted by his own burp, but October went on to finish the thought for him.
   “I was thinking the same thing Shiro. We’re good together, we should keep it that way.”
   “Yeah. Thanks October. So, does anyone disagree?”
   October squeezed Shiro’s arm to show her appreciation. Once more they fell into silence. There were no sounds of disapproval. Instead, they only pulled themselves in closer. The decision understood, Coryn spoke up, his tone clearly jocular. “Alright then, we’ll need a name. I won’t be part of a group if we don’t have something awesome to call ourselves!”
   “The…Magnificent…Something?” Offered Jack.
   “Unfinished thoughts don’t count.”
   “The Colton Lynch Gang?” Presented Colt.
   “No.” Replied everyone else.
   “The Faceless Ones?”
   “Sounds too sinister.”
   “White Roses?”
   “What does that even mean?”
   “White Snake?”
   “That’s a band! And they’ll probably sue us.”
   “The Protectorate?”
   “Closer, but a bit high-handed, isn’t it?”
   “The Rolling Stones?”
   “Also, a band…”
   “Bad Ass Mother *censored*ers?”
   “I like it, but I think it goes without saying.”
   “The…Eternals?”
   Again, they fell to silence. Together, the five of them stared up at the stars. They sparkled so incredibly brightly on that world without lights, and the immortals on the surface below felt at once unending and insignificant against them. Finally, someone spoke. “Let’s call ourselves the Eternal Five. After all, we aren’t just going to live forever. We’re going to do it together.”

   Coryn racked his memory to recall who had said those words. No matter how hard he tried, he could not place a name to it. Time had obscured the details, and now what remained was drawing distant from his conscious mind. He came back to himself, and remembered he was sitting on the roof of Amaterasu Castle, back in the universe where it still bustled with life. Far below in the garden, a voice was calling up to him, breaking him out of his reverie. Coryn eased himself down to the roof’s edge. From there, he saw Jack standing on the cool stone. His friend gave Coryn a quizzical look, let the question pass from his mind, and delivered his message.
   “She’s waking up.”





Spoilerrific Author Notes
So, this is something of an attempt to rectify some sins of the past (as discussed in previous posts). In the beginning, I only conceived of the Five as being these, immortal friends who team up to fight big bads kind of group. And that concept really hasn't changed on a surface level, but through nearly a decade of emotional maturity and life experience, I've come to the realization that my high school definition of each of them really wasn't up to snuff. So don't think of this as a retcon of any previous work, but more like a reestablishment of what they mean to each other. They're not just some school clique, but it's more like, they are each, each other's soul mate in a way. Every one of them has met countless people throughout their lives, but ultimately the other members of the Five are the people they would like to spend the rest of eternity with if they could. They share a bond that can only be discovered and forged after living an immortal life. It's the platonic ideal of a bond between people, and it's something they could only find in four others after untold millennia of traveling and meeting people.

So yeah, that's kind of the reasoning behind this chapter, and I took the opportunity to show when they all got together on this Eternal Five thing. Hopefully it reads nice and warm like I intended it to.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on June 10, 2018, 05:49:20 PM
Solid chapter here!  Totally doesn't fall under the classification but I'd say 'A beach episode done right' is the feeling I get from it. The camaradie is quite legit. Also lucky Coryn with a vampire bride. I do have sympathy for whatever intern has to explain.

It did feel wall-of-texty? But the paragraphing is well done so there's no confusion there. It's just really compact. I'll check it out on mobile so it might look better there. And I'm all for this formatting style anyways. Saves paper when printed haha.

I suppose I should've asked a long time ago but do they breathe in space? What prevents them from being horribly deaded by walking on the surface of Mars do they have a Green Lantern esque layer of power protecting them or are they like Superbeings ala Goku and Superman who don't really need to worry about such things?

Also, would piss be liquid or evaporate?

Really was a fun chapter to read, and I risked the spoilerific author notes and yeah seems legit. Also, it makes things sadder for how things turned out with Shiro and all. 
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on June 10, 2018, 07:01:56 PM
'A bleach episode done right" is the highest praise you have ever given me Lego. Thank you!

I didn't double space once I posted it here, so I can see where you're coming from. It didn't completely destroy itself on mobile though (at least from here) so maybe that's a sacrifice worth making. Then again, I didn't make a lot of perspective shifts this chapter, so I will consider more paragraph breaks when editing the next chapter, as I'm thinking it may have more of the same.

It's not a question I have ever come to a satisfying answer for. But I always assumed that they have a work around. I won't say they straight up don't need air, but let's say they can infinitely regenerate the air in their lungs or something. Ultimately the explanation isn't important how they survive in space, only that they can. Use "enix" as an excuse in the same way people use "magic".

They influenced the atmosphere to allow fluids to exist, so liquid (Science fact: the low levels on atmosphere on Mars cause any liquids to evaporate instantly) so they needed to mess around with it for the beer to stick around. Again, not important how, just that they did. Story telling! *Sparkle sparkle*

Don't go thinking I'd spoil future stuff. I just didn't want you reading it before the chapter. If I ever post something like that, it will be about the chapter I posted with it.

Got to make it sad, otherwise there's no point is there? Shiro could just be a random guy. Nah man. They're out there trying to bring justice to and for their friend, and it's not something any of them really want to do. 'sins of the past' strikes yet again (until I get around to the full rewrite)
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coach Fro on June 12, 2018, 09:14:01 AM
You don't know how bad I want to read this right now...

But I gotta finish the first two arcs first, and I'm about halfway through the first one I think. The road is long, but I will walk the path nonetheless.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on June 12, 2018, 01:47:04 PM
When did you even start that path? Honestly though, you can definitely knock out an arc faster than you might imagine. They aren't even full length novels the first two. (For reference, 3 is now longer than 1, and is rapidly closing in on 2's record)

Basically what I'm saying, is that it's only going to get worse from here on out.

But seriously, it would be swell to see someone besides Lego enjoying this.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: MahluaandMilk on June 12, 2018, 03:32:07 PM
I feel that side-eye on me, Coryn. I'll get to it eventually.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on June 12, 2018, 04:32:38 PM
It is a side-eye of your own making. I wasn't even holding you in my mind in that moment. Perhaps you simply have a deep guilt you cannot avoid, buried deep in your soul? "Read Coryn's story." It seems to say.

Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on June 12, 2018, 06:48:02 PM
On my part I don't do enough to force people to read CS. *Starts working on mass ad campaign*
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on August 12, 2018, 10:20:52 PM
And so begins another round of chapter releases. Unfortunately I didn't get a whole lot done in the first half of July, but I was really cooking the last couple weeks. The only downside now, is that this is the first time since getting back on the writing wagon that I don't already have the next chapter and a half already finished. But if I keep up a good pace, that shouldn't delay the next round too badly *fingers crossed* On the bright side, got some real chapter length chapters this round. No skimping on CS this time.


THE SPITEFUL HEART

THE SPITEFUL HEART

To begin, there was an expectation of light, but no light came. Then there was the expectation of noise, but the world remained silent. Next came touch and taste, but these too failed to arrive.
   Instead, all that came was pain. A splitting, unforgettable, unforgiving pain.
   It was not the kind of pain that you only felt in a single spot. It could not even be localized to a definable portion of the body. This pain was total. It covered all flesh, cut into it, slicing its way down into the very core of the soul. The agony built and built, until there was nothing to do but writhe in it. Finally, after what felt like years, the pain disappeared, replaced by an unceasing numbness. Both were torturous, but between the two, the numbness was vastly preferred.

   Only now, did the light come, and behind it, the rest of the senses slowly filtered in.
   At first it was just light. No distinct images could be discerned among it. But, as unused nerves awoke, so did the surroundings. There were hospital beds lining a long room, each of them empty, except for one. Windows were drawn open, and cool, but fresh air flowed through them. Machines hummed and beeped silently next to the occupied bed. On one monitor was a pulsing line, each leap the beat of a living heart. The bed’s occupant watched the heart chart its path across the display. Slow and steady. Then, without warning, the realization came. The heart beat was that of the viewer who lay in the bed. That heart beat was theirs. They were alive.
   Naomi Amano, was alive.
   She knew exactly where she was now. It was not a long process of elimination before she reached the correct answer. Despite this truth, she was also awake enough to realize that she was alone in the room. Naomi was neither guarded, nor, as best she could tell, restrained. She moved to push herself up into a sitting position, but her body did not want to obey her commands. Naomi tightened her core, and with great effort, rolled up into a sitting position. Her muscles screamed at her to stop, to lay back down and return to a drug filled sleep. But years of battle had instilled within her the ability to override the urges of the body, and Naomi could not convince herself that this was no battlefield. She grasped the railing of the bed with her right hand to steady herself. Her head did not want to turn, but by pushing against the rail, she pivoted her torso to the left, and could see a door at the end of the long room. Naomi could not tell if there was anyone outside of it, but it was the only way out of the room that didn’t involve jumping out of a window. So, she decided it would be her escape route. Naomi engaged her legs. At first there was no response, but gradually the feeling came back into them. She slid the railing back with great effot, and gingerly slipped her legs out from beneath the bedsheets. Their weight helped pull herself upright as they dangled off the side of the mattress. Naomi paused for a moment, breathed deeply, and stepped up.
   At least, that was the plan.
   The moment Naomi put an ounce of weight down on her feet, both legs buckled. She swung up her left arm to keep herself from bashing her face on the tiled floor, but it must have still been sluggish, because her head hit    the ground cleanly. Worse still, the rapid descent ripped from her body the needles which had connected Naomi to an untold number of tubes. They tore her flesh as they came free, and blood welled up from the fresh wounds. Naomi cried out in pain. To muffle the sound, she buried her face into her hospital gown, which had bunched up around her chin during the fall. As the involuntary howl subsided, Naomi listened. All was quiet for a moment, but sure enough, she soon heard footsteps outside the door. The poor girl directed her gaze through the feet of the hospital beds. She watched the doors swing open, and there appeared a set of legs. Naomi thought to hide, but there was no place to go. Whoever was coming down the aisle would know who she was, which bed was hers, and likely, the state that she found herself in. For the time being, they had nothing to fear from her. So, Naomi continued to lay on the cold tile floor, and waited to be discovered.
    The pace of the newcomer slowed as they approached her location. Naomi heard a loud crunch as they were about to round the bed next to hers. She turned her head to meet the stranger, and no sooner then she had, did Coryn Sken appear from around the adjacent bed, a freshly bitten into apple in his hand. He halted his advance, and for a moment the two simply locked eyes. Coryn finally broke the deadlock with another bite of his apple. And with his mouth still full, he spoke to her. “The doctors were right. You really do look like you’ve been beat six ways from Sunday.” Naomi was immediately enraged, and she swiped at him with her left arm, as her right was trapped beneath her. The man seemed to be in range, but she didn’t feel the strike connect with anything. Naomi figured that the arm was still waking up, but she could not get a good view of it. It was then that she came to the realization that a bandage was covering the left side of her head. She hadn’t noticed it in her confusion, but the sensation of the wrapping pressing against her skin was now present to her mind. Above her, Coryn shook his head. His face was half pity, and half amusement. He didn’t strike Naomi as the kind of person who would laugh at a helpless prisoner, but even she had to admit that she likely looked ridiculous. Coryn knelt down, and grabbed her under her right elbow. Naomi found herself lifted back into her bed like she was a child, and did her best to relax herself as Coryn began reattaching the various tubes and sensors. As the fog in her mind continued to clear, it had quickly revealed that escape was an impossibility.
   Coryn spoke as he finished his work. “I’m surprised to see you so lively. Most people aren’t up to doing much after spending three weeks in a coma.” So, it had been some time after all. Although Naomi was surprised to have woken up at all. She watched Coryn as he stepped back. He was without his coat or weapons, and his clothes were fresh looking. His own wounds had healed, whereas Naomi was stuck hospitalized, still feeling like she should be dead three times over. On that subject, Naomi said her first words to him. “Why am I alive?”
   The question turned into a pregnant silence. Coryn seemed to contemplate it as he reclined on the adjacent bed. He took another bite of his apple before replying. “I admit, I didn’t think you were alive at first either. You looked like a hunk of burnt meat when we found you. I’ll show you the pictures later. But, you’re too stubborn to die outright. You were taking your time with it, and the meantime, we intervened.” He let this sink in for a few moments before continuing. “And if I do say so myself, we did a half decent job of keeping your heart beating for the trip back. The doctors here took you the rest of the way.” He bit into his apple for a third time, and left Naomi to her thoughts.
   She did not like his answer. It was not complete. “That’s just how. It’s not why.”
   Coryn’s face was unreadable. “Because we decided to. That’s why.”
   Naomi hated that devil-may-care attitude he was exuding. She didn’t like her life being decided upon by the whims of immortals. Shiro had given her that existence for years. “Show me.”
   Coryn raised a brow. “Show you what?”
   Naomi forced her neck to turn to face him. “Show me how bad I was.”
   The blonde seemed on the verge of denying the request, but he conceded the point without a word, shrugged, and moved to the screens. After a moment at the holographic interface, images began to form around the bed. Naomi knew that it had to have been herself, but there were no outward indications that it was. All she could see what exactly Coryn had described.
   Burnt.
   Meat.
   It was a form vaguely recognizable as human, but aside from that, it only looked like black char, with bright pink occasionally seen in the depths of deep cracks. The pictures must have been captured by the doctors as they were preparing her, and they appeared in most of the shots, often blocking off the camera. Finally, Naomi came to an image that looked down on her directly. It reminded Naomi of an autopsy photo, but that was not the detail which caught her eye. Undeniably, it something which had not been clear in the previous pictures.
   Gingerly, Naomi wrapped her right arm over her chest, and placed her hand down on her left shoulder. Even though it was staring at her in the face, it took this moment for the truth to solidify. Naomi grasped the stump where her left arm should have been, and squeezed it so tightly that blood appeared from beneath the bandages. As the pain sharpened, she released her shoulder. Her curiosity aroused, she slowly dragged her hand up the left side of her body, following the bandage. Naomi felt below the surface of the cotton. Her skin was rough and painful to the touch. Where once an ear had been, she could only detect a ruined lump of cartilage. Her hair was clearly gone beneath the bandage, although she could feel short strands once she got closer to the top of her scalp. By Coryn’s description, it was likely the result of a few weeks of growth. Finally, drew her hand back down her face, and brought her fingers over her left eye. When they arrived, she found nothing. Naomi traced the rim of the hollow pit with her fingertips. At last, her strength for the venture gave out, and Naomi let her arm flop down beside her. Coryn closed out of the images, and Naomi’s view cleared. They sat in silence for several minutes, before Naomi found the power to speak. “How?”
   Her voice was craggy, and Coryn could hear suppressed tears in her voice. “You didn’t really get to meet her, but there was a woman we brought to fight Shiro with us. Claire, is her name. She got messed up bad. We brought in some medical equipment from the Alliance to help fix her. It’s not able to bring you out of a coma, but it does wonders for patching up wounded flesh.” He stood up from the bed. “You’ve spent most of the last month floating in a tube of chemicals as it put you back together, stitch by stitch.” Coryn reacquired his apple for another bite. “So then, what do you plan to do?”
   Roughly a thousand thoughts flew through Naomi’s mind, but thanks to whatever drugs were being pumped into her, she couldn’t concentrate on any of them. Half of her was still trying to understand how the ruined human which she had seen could have ever been her. The other half was still demanding that she escape in some way, preferably with a middle step in which she killed everyone around her. Ultimately, she could only decide that she needed to fall back asleep. Naomi’s muscles began to relax without her input, and it did not take long before Coryn picked up on what was about to happen. Intentional or otherwise. As he began to leave, Coryn was stopped by Naomi’s voice. It had grown tired and small, but was still audible. “Just…one last thing.” Her eye met his. “I feel…like I’m missing something…”
   Naomi had been feeling a sense of loss since regaining consciousness, although she could not place her finger on it. It was something that went beyond the loss of her comrades. She felt like a part of her soul was now absent. Coryn drew his mouth into a thin line as he processed the statement. Yet again, he seemed to vacillate on giving her an answer. When he decided on the affirmative however, Naomi wished she had held her tongue. Coryn reached around to his back pocket, and produced the ruined hilt of her katana. “I’ve been holding on to it. When we got back I asked about it, and they told me that your abilities are directly linked to the sword. And with it destroyed, well…” He gingerly set the hilt into the bed with Naomi. “There’s no one who can fix it.” Coryn walked away, only turning back before crossing the threshold into the hallway. “Your powers are gone, Naomi. Your fight’s over.”
   The doors slid shut behind him, and Naomi lay in silence. Tears streamed down from her good eye, wetting the sheets. She expected herself to be angry, spiteful. But as she fell into a restless sleep, all she felt was broken, and defeated.

   The room was now very cold. Naomi was vaguely aware that she had been slipping in and out of consciousness for some time. Occasionally it would be light outside, occasionally it was night. From the orange light coming through the windows, it was now either early morning, or evening. Naomi reached up, and took a rough measurement of time based on her own progress. The bandages on her head had been removed, revealing dark, rough scar tissue. A medical eyepatch graced her empty socket, and she estimated that her hair had regrown to be roughly a half inch. All of it together brought Naomi to believe it had been around two weeks since she had awoken the first time.
   She hadn’t been sure what had happened, but it seemed she wasn’t fully recovered from her coma. Naomi didn’t have an experience in that field, but she was definitely sleeping for multiple days at a time. Her body was telling her all she needed to know, on that front. For the first several minutes, she felt as stiff as a stone. Upon her initial revival, adrenaline had filled her veins enough for her to move, but now that at least part of her mind had processed her predicament, no such help existed. Slowly but surely, she forced her digits, and then limbs to awaken. They felt better this time around, and Naomi guessed that her doses of sedatives and pain killers had been reduced. A relative lack of equipment around her, and tubes in her, confirmed this. What surprised her, was that she still lacked bindings. Even with Naomi’s powers stripped away, they should have restrained her. She, would have restrained herself, if the situation was reversed. Perhaps they were more kindhearted than she gave them credit for, or far more likely, they had already accepted her powerlessness. That was something Naomi herself was still grappling with.
   Her neck was once again under her control. Naomi tilted her head to the side, and discovered what was chilling the room. She knew his name was Jack Frost. She knew that he commanded an innate ability to form and manipulate ice. But aside from the scant information she had discovered in battling him, she knew almost nothing about him. Shiro had been tightlipped when it came to any of his old friends. Even though it had become part of his reason for being to kill them, he had not chosen to share details. Naomi knew better now, but when Shiro first instructed the four girls to help him attack Coryn and steal his energy, they basically went in blind. That initial victory was a fluke, in the end. But that first time had led her to overestimate her chances. And now, it had cost her. Looking at the man before her though, she was once again beginning to reconsider her opinion of him.
   Jack sat in a back turned chair, facing Naomi’s bed in the same spot Coryn had stood when she last was awake. But his form was limp, one arm dangled in the air, and the other formed a makeshift cushion between his head and the chair’s back. He was completely asleep, snoring gently as if had accidently fallen asleep while reading a book. And with every breath he took, freezing air rolled out from his mouth and on to the floor. It was beginning to have a pronounced effect on the climate of the room, and Naomi pulled up the thin hospital blanket as far as she could. She couldn’t conceive how someone could peacefully sleep in a room so frigid with only a thin t-shirt and trousers. Naomi was convinced that it was the cold which had roused her, so she went about waking the sleeping immortal. “Hey! Wake up!” Her voice was hoarse, and unused. She tried again, this time with better results. “Wake up! You’re going to kill me with this cold!”
   This finally seemed to penetrate Jack’s sleeping mind, and he began to stir. The temperature of the room began to improve almost instantly as that which was producing the chill disappeared. It was almost as if Jack was unconsciously sucking the cold back into himself. Perhaps it was simply a part of his biology, or maybe he was conscientious of his sleeping habits. In either case, Naomi was thankful for the reprieve. She spoke to him once again as he rubbed the sand from his eyes. “Do you always freeze people in your sleep.”
   “Only when I’m not in my own room.” Said Jack with a wink. Or perhaps it was simply a spasm as he cleared out the last of the sand. Naomi couldn’t tell for sure. He continued. “I guess you’re awake again huh? Your vitals were up, and it was my turn again to take watch duty, just in case you came around. Guess I’m lucky?”
   Naomi returned her head to a neutral position facing the ceiling. “Maybe so…”
   The pair sat in silence for a while. Naomi occasionally heard Jack’s mouth open as if he meant to say something, but it took several minutes before he committed. “If you’re feeling up for it, would you like to go on a walk? The doctors here said you weren’t likely to relapse into the coma if you fully woke up again. So, maybe leaving you in bed isn’t the best idea.”
   Naomi hated the mundane way he said it, but replied. “My legs don’t work right now. I’m not strong enough to move them.”
   “Oh!” Said Jack, as slight look of embarrassment appeared on his face. “I mean, you’ll need a wheelchair, obviously, but I can push it for you. On account of the…well y’know.”
   She did, and she disliked him dancing around it. “On account of only have one arm. Yes, I do know.” Naomi turned back towards him. “I thought you immortals could heal people with enix. Isn’t that how you stay alive in the first place?”
   Jack was not expecting to be confronted by such a question, but he took a moment to form his answer, and replied. “Well, sure, kinda. I mean, healing yourself is easy. You just sorta…make your body the way it was before you got hurt? Like, you make it remember how to be whole, and then it fills in the rest? I don’t know, it’s hard to explain.” Jack knitted his brow in thought for another moment before continuing. “So, fixing your own body is simple, but it’s a lot harder for to fix other people. We can heal moderate wounds, assuming all the original…bits, are still around. But it’s not the same as creating parts of another person from scratch? And you…well…that was beyond our expertise.” He took another moment, as if he had lost the thread of what he was saying. “Coryn said he told you about the tank, right? It’s got all these capsules full of raw materials, and it can read your DNA and then sorta, clones the parts it needs? I don’t really get it, but hey, results are results.”
   Naomi leaned in towards him, her face full of malice. “Then why don’t I have an arm? Where is my missing eye? And why is my left side still covered in scars?”
   Jack looked guilty, but he pressed on anyway. “To be honest with you, we decided that we’d prefer you went without.”
   Even guilty as he otherwise looked, Jack’s eyes were set. The white-haired man may have played a good fool, but there was obviously something beneath that jester’s crown. Naomi stared him down for a little while longer, before relenting, and relaxing back into the mattress. “That’s the first sense you’ve made all day.”
   Jack, for his part, felt a tinge of relief at this sentiment, and sprung up from his chair. “Let me go find that wheelchair. It’ll do you some good to get some fresh air. You’ll see.”

   Ten minutes later, Naomi was loaded up into the wheelchair with her various accoutrements, and with Jack as her helmsman, she exited the hospital wing for the first time in over a month.
   Jack greeted and smiled at nearly everyone they passed. Naomi noted how he ignored the looks the castle staff gave her while they were being addressed. She didn’t begrudge them for it, but it brought into stark realization how alien her landscape was. Most were looks of apprehension, but some were of clear disdain. It seemed that the general population had not been consulted when it was decided to bring her in. Naomi pondered how much sway the four immortals actually had with these people. She knew some of their history with them, but the details had eluded her. In any case, they seemed to trust them enough to let the Five do it. That, or they were fearful of what would happen if they denied their whims, but Naomi let that idea pass from her mind. Power and intimidation were how her own version of the Tomoshibi were run. She doubted that the same was true for this one.
   Naomi kept expecting to see a face she knew. Not among the workers, but one of the three girls which stood in for those she had grown up with. Even after losing hope in each of them, Naomi was not ready to confront her loss. Although the priestesses of this universe felt like cheap imitations to her, an imitation may be all it took in that moment to tear her the rest of the way down. Naomi relented to her own inner torment, and kept her eyes affixed firmly on the ground in front of her.
   The rest of trip through the castle passed uneventfully, until Naomi found herself being wheeled into the open air. She recognized it as the courtyard behind the castle, and despite herself, lost a breath as she marveled at the well-kept state of it. Images of childhood drifted back to her as the smells of fragrant flowers hit her nose. In her past, the rear courtyard had been a small refuge of peace when she was very young, and had not yet grasped the trajectory of her life. She had quickly been broken of that longing, and Naomi did not regret losing it. Still, this was a potent reminder of things she had thought long forgotten. Anger welled in the pit of her stomach, but she had to let it go as the chair came to a sudden halt.
   Jack had parked her near a small fountain, and under the shade of a tree. Naomi hadn’t noticed her at first, but an older woman stood before the pair. Her hair was already white, but she was yet to completely lose all the youthfulness in her face. Jack gave her a quick wave, and the chair shuddered as Jack kicked down its brakes. “Mornin’ Chiyoko! What brings you out so early?”
   Chiyoko smiled back at Jack, but betrayed nothing. “Please Jack, I’ve been up since four. It is you I am so surprised to see out and about.”
   Jack laughed a little at himself. “Well you got me there. But I was on watch duty this morning, and she’s feeling so good I decided to take her out for a spin.”
   “That’s a very relative term…” Thought Naomi. She still hurt, immensely, but it was no longer unbearable. Each bump in the chair had sent ripples of pain through her fried nerves. Even if their machine could fix her on the surface level, it left much to be desired in long term healing. She felt no urge to let them know her discomfort however, and only acknowledged Chiyoko with a grim stare. The older woman’s expression refused to yield however. It denied Naomi any sense of victory. Chiyoko turned to Jack without losing an ounce of composure.
   “Jack, have you had breakfast yet? I’m sure young Amano would not mind if you left her be for a little while.”
   Jack was slightly taken aback by the proposal, on the one hand, he knew he was supposed to be keeping an eye on Naomi. On the other, he knew she couldn’t walk, much less try to escape or hurt someone. He stepped back from the chair, waved himself off with a word of parting, and disappeared back into the castle. Naomi found herself utterly alone with Chiyoko, and as soon as it was clear that Jack was gone, the old woman’s veneer dropped like a stone. Gone was the warm smile, replaced with a stern look which, had Naomi not experienced it from her own trainers, caused her to shrink back into the thin leather of the chair. Instead, Naomi leaned in, and asked what had been on her mind since first laying eyes on Chiyoko. “What do you want from me?”
   Chiyoko studied her quietly, the whole time she showed nothing of what she was thinking. Finally, she spoke. “My name, is Kamisaka Chiyoko. Do you know who I am?”
   Naomi at first considered lying, but decided it would not advance her purposes to do so. There was nothing she had worth hiding from this woman anyway. “No. I’ve seen your name recorded as one of the former head priestesses, but no, I have never actually met you.”
   “Dead?” Chiyoko said matter-of-factly.
   “Head priestesses didn’t last long in my reality.” Replied Naomi.
   “Serves her right.” Was Chiyoko’s only response.
   It was then that Naomi knew that this was not a woman to be trifled with. The Tomoshibi of her world were built on the bones of the strong. If Chiyoko had been powerful enough to claim that title in Naomi’s world, she would have no trouble doing the same in this one, if it had come to that.
   “Just so you are aware.” Said Chiyoko. “I do not begrudge you for doing what you’ve done. It is my understanding that with the way your life has played out, there really was no alternative. However, now that you are under my protection, I want you to be aware.” The older woman bent down, and spoke directly into Naomi’s face. She dropped her voice down so that it was barely more than a whisper. “If you betray our trust, or endanger anyone in my charge, I will not hesitate to dispatch you myself.”
   Naomi believed her. She would have told Chiyoko this, but the head priestess was already heading back inside. When the doors shut behind her, Naomi was alone. And for the first time in a long time, she truly felt that way.

   The next thing Naomi knew, she was being jostled over the bottom of the door frame which led back inside the castle. She sprung back to reality with a start. It felt like she had been asleep for days, but as she took in her surroundings, she realized it couldn’t have been more than twenty minutes. Naomi hadn’t even noticed dozing off, but she figured such a thing wasn’t unnatural for someone in her position to do. Jack was once again steering her through the halls, and she could hear him gently humming to himself.
   For the rest of the trip back to the hospital wing, Naomi remained silent. Her thoughts were still jumbled, but slowly, they were beginning to form something whole. She didn’t know what that whole would be yet. No matter how she approached her situation, it always felt like pieces of the puzzle were missing. There was no hope of going back to her previous life. It felt the same, she thought, as when Shiro had first conscripted her. But this time there was no Shiro to tell her how to behave, to make her a slave. This time her future rested entirely in her own hands, and that scared her more than anything.
   An angry pit grew in Naomi’s stomach as they approached the door to her room. Having had a small taste of life outside of it, Naomi found herself wanting to delay her return as much as possible. So, as Jack was about to push her through, Naomi stopped him. “Jack.” She hesitated. “I…can you show me to the other woman you were treating here?”
   Jack seemed mildly amused by the suggestion. Naomi couldn’t tell if he thought it was a joke or not. But no matter what he thought, he gave a shrug, and answered her with an affable ‘Sure.’

   The room that Jack brought Naomi to was only a few hallways down. It was a private suite, unlike the communal recovery room Naomi found herself in. Once fully inside, Naomi took in the visage of the woman she knew only as ‘Claire’. She had a vague recollection of the woman, based on what Coryn had told her, but nothing more than that. Seeing her now though, Naomi found it to be situation of high strangeness. Naomi had only ever seen these immortals as being nearly indestructible, and yet one lay in a coma before her. The room’s relative lack of medical equipment spoke to Claire’s constitution, but even that did not compensate for the conflict of expectation versus reality.
   As Naomi studied Claire further, noting the loosely tied hair, tightly trimmed nails, lack of make-up, it was hard to imagine that it was the same highly done-up fighter from a year ago. Naomi didn’t suspect she was being lied to, yet she pressed further. “Why hasn’t she woken up yet? Was the damage that bad?”
   Jack had stepped up beside the chair, and gently massaged his shoulder. “It’s hard to say, isn’t it? That machine can physically put you back together, but it can’t fix what you’ve got going on in your mind. If you ask me, I’d say Claire’s wrestling with herself, based on what I’ve learned about her.” He shook his head. “I guess she had some beef with Shiro from when he first went bad. She let it get to her, and it nearly got her killed.” He gave her a half smile. “But Coryn would be the expert on that. The rest of us only just met her during that debacle with Shiro. We didn’t really get the chance to bond.”
   Naomi looked incredulous. “Coryn just brought her in at the eleventh hour?”
   “It was an eleventh hour kinda day.” Shrugged Jack. “She’ll get better eventually, but until then, we gotta let her rest. C’mon. Time to head back.”
   This time, Naomi did not fight her urges to stay out of the recovery room. She could already feel herself drifting back to sleep. But there was at least one thing galvanized in her mind now: Even immortals could be ruined by their emotions. If she didn’t get away from the Five soon, she might just get dragged down along with them.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on August 15, 2018, 11:22:13 PM
 “Your powers are gone, Naomi. Your fight’s over.”

That was a powerful line, and congratulations Coryn, you just wrote a filler chapter. A character that isn't even a main, but rather the mirror of a secondary protagonist (i'm sure there's a legit term for that but whatever) that nobody should really care for after they're defeated, but actually they do (or at least I do)

Seriously dude as a summary: Villain recovers from battle sounds quite foolish a chapter to write, but this worked in all sorts of ways that if I nitpicked I might seem obsessive, but off the top of my head the horrific reality of her injuries and Jack's sleeping habits and dialogue really made the chapter all sorts of worth it. Also, chill out Head Priestess, daaamn.

As a manga connesieur (sp?) I'm dissapointed that the tech to heal Naomi isn't more advanced, but I'm also not complaining because the impact is all the stronger. That's my meta self talking. Otherwise as a reader I'm saying Coryn, Jack and everyone are assholes and should just let her die rather than keep her crippled just because they're scared of her abilities. Seriously. Heartless creatures of the night : (

Happy to see a chapter for daaays. Good stuff Coryn. Man that was a piece.  It's an interesting calm before the storm, and I'm looking forward to whatever comes next. Also you writing chapters through Google Docs is revolutionary stuff man haha. The results speak for themselves.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on August 15, 2018, 11:53:44 PM
Thanks Lego! That's a line I really took some pains to get correct.

Is it 'filler'? Or am I just finally learning how to write down time into this mile a minute action show? Maybe it's a little of both. Time will tell. Seriously though, I've long suffered from the idea that I needed to show something happening every second. Rereading things, that leaves everything feeling rushed. Sure, it's alright when I'm only producing one new chapter of this every two months, but not when taken at once.

I'm glad I could take the odd concept and roll with it. Naomi has grown on me as a character. None of the villains were good in the first two books. They were just, mindlessly evil. Sure, that's Shiro's whole bit, but the nega-girls were supposed to be a more interesting take on the psycho-rangers trope. Well, more interesting than "the same, but evil!". Failed there for sure. So again, sins of the past be haunting.

The question of how advanced the tech is becomes troublesome after a point doesn't it? Sure I could write in a little handheld device that just magics you back together, but where is the drama in that? As for the immortals and them being cruel, I think it's the exact opposite of that isn't it? It's not about cruelty. And it's certainly not about being afraid. They pitied her. Perhaps too much. As for her arm and eye, well, I think that the argument can be made that someone doesn't deserve to die, but that they still deserve to suffer the consequences of their actions. The Five didn't take her arm and eye away, they simply refused to restore them. As for her abilities, those are tied to the sword, and as Coryn says, it can't be fixed.

Haha. Well like I said, this is technically the farthest behind I've been on the rotation, but I have already started on the next chapter. Work is just really tiresome this last few weeks. So I'm feeling too drained to think some days. Won't be too long though. Definitely a few more rotations left in me before year's end.

Just imagine how far ahead I'd be if I just concentrated on this one story? Then again, I think this multiple story thing is really helping me keep from burning out. A change is as good as a rest after all! (Statement not necessarily backed up by science)
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on January 27, 2019, 06:51:46 PM
And here we begin 2019 with our next round of chapters! Hopefully I can keep up the same output I put out last year (technical difficulties nonwithstanding). Please enjoy!

OFF TO THE HORIZON
OFF TO THE HORIZON

It had been a week since Naomi had gone to visit Claire. That action was partially responsible for what Fuji was now bearing witness to, but he couldn't blame the girl for it. Too many factors were in play.
         He sat at the end of a long conference table. Steam wafted up from a cup of tea before him, but Fuji paid it no mind. He was intent on watching Coryn and his friends. They were gathered at the far end of the table, arguing. It wasn't a pretty sight.
         None of them were sitting anymore. October had accidentally snapped off a corner of the table. Coryn was pacing in frustration. It wasn't that they didn't have their spats, but usually these things weren't of any consequence. This was a little more serious, even if the right answer was staring them in the face. Fuji finally moved for his tea. They would get it correct eventually.
         “And that's why we have to go!” Shouted Coryn. “You've already put it off for a year!”
         Jack said. “Coryn's right Colt. Your arm isn't getting any better. Don't think we haven't noticed the glove. It’s all the way down now isn’t it?”
         “It's my choice.” Said Colt in defense of himself. “I handled the fight with Shiro just fine.”
         “He's still managing.” Interjected October. “We can't afford to have him benched right now!”
         It came back around to Coryn. “We can't have him ‘voiding out’ at a critical moment either!”
         And so it went. Colt's condition had grown to encompass his entire right arm. It was pure void from the shoulder on down. There was still conflict where it bordered his skin, but the truth was plain to see. Colton Lynch was losing the fight with the proto-human inside of him.
         Fuji continued to sip on his tea. This fight had been brewing for the last month and a half. They had put it off for the year Coryn was in hiding, but having Shiro return put the situation under a dire new light. When Naomi questioned them about Claire, it was just another reminder of the harsh reality they faced. Coryn was personally responsible for Claire’s current condition, having dragged her into that fiasco. He couldn't stomach the idea of losing Colt as well, especially if it came about via inaction. Thus, he finally brought up the looming elephant in the room.
         That was half an hour ago and had led to the four’s current predicament.
         They continued to argue for another few minutes, neither side managing to convince the other. At a loss, Coryn turned to Fuji during a break in the bickering. “I don't suppose you have any bright ideas? You invited yourself here for a reason, right?”
         Fuji sat his teacup back on the table. “Colton cannot fight.”
         “Now hold on!” Said Colt, but Fuji countered him before the cowboy could go any further.
         “And... you cannot go after Shiro with only three of you. Killing an immortal is no an easy task at the best of times, and these conditions are far from ideal. Shiro has become something I have never seen before. He will need to be dispatched completely. There can be no half measures.” Fuji fell silent again to let the words sink in. At last, October found the mark.
         “We need to wake Claire back up.”
         “But how?” Asked Jack. “I've tried slapping her already.”
         “Jack!” Yelled October.
         Jack shrugged at her. “What? It could have worked.”   
         Coryn spoke. “I have an idea.” The room turned to him. “We already commandeered tech from the Alliance to fix her up the first time. Maybe they have something to get her out of the coma? She may not like it, but I think she may forgive us if it's to get another shot at Shiro.”
         Colt said. “Do you really think they'll have something to do the trick?”
         Coryn sighed. “Maybe? There's a guy I know who specializes in people like us. If anyone in the Alliance knows something, it'll be him.”
         “Do you think…” Colt worked his jaw as the question formed in his mind. “You think he'll want a look at my arm?”
         Coryn smiled at Colt. “Yeah, I bet you could entice him to.”
         Just then, a London accent interrupted them over the intercom. “Ooooooh! Are we going on a trip? I'll have to pack something nice to wear! You can't just go to the Alliance for a visit without something proper!”
         Coryn snapped back at Moon. “You aren't going!”
Moon fell silent for a moment, his disappointment clear on his non-existent face. “I said I was sorry…”
         Fuji interrupted Coryn, who was clearly about to start yelling at his erstwhile traveling companion. “Coryn, tell me you did not allow him access to Alliance technology.”
         Coryn waved his hands around in a feeble attempt to cover up his guilt. “No! I mean... maybe a little. Look it was really important at the time. And I made sure he didn't get away with anything he shouldn't have.”
         Fuji huffed. “That is what worries me.”
         And suddenly, it was entirely different argument.


         Meanwhile, a different, if not unrelated conversation was happening in the castle’s barracks. Katsumi, Samantha, Camarin, and Eva were cloistered in a cramped dormitory. They were lucky enough to each have a room of their own, but that morning they had gathered in Camarin’s room. Trophies from archery contests littered the shelves, and she had plastered the walls with posters from her favorite stage productions. It had been Camarin’s room since she was a little girl, and she had made it her own in the intervening years. The room was not unfamiliar to any of them however, and they occupied places that they had known many times before.
         It was not a planned meeting, but they knew it was coming. The girls were close and had been so most of their lives. They had always spent a lot of their downtime with each other. Still, this had a different feel to it. They had had so very much downtime recently, and it was starting to become irksome. At first, they had spent the extended break recovering from their fights with the nega-girls, and their shock from having encountered Shiro again, but that phase had passed quickly. Now, they were blowing through their normal routines by midmorning, and with nothing happening on their own Earth to cause alarm, they were slowly giving way to cabin fever.
         Eva was balancing herself on one hand, the legs of her sweatpants piling up around her knees. “So, if you look at it rationally, there is really no reason for us to keep recording new numbers of pi. Sure, you could the argument that we still don’t know if it’s truly irrational or not, but at this point does it even matter?” She had always been good at math, but at eighteen, Eva was beginning to explore some of the deeper uses of calculus. The girls had finished their mandatory studies in the previous year, but each was pursuing their own interests. They knew they could only physically stand up to being priestesses for so long, and Eva had it in her mind that she would teach mathematics after ‘retiring’. To practice, she had taken to giving lectures during these off hours, although it was hard for her not to get distracted. “I mean, irrational numbers are cool and all, but after a certain point it just doesn’t become useful to run it out to more integers. At what point does precision cease to matter even at the sub-atomic scale?”
         Unsurprisingly, the other girls did not share Eva’s gusto for numbers. Sam had her face pressed into her hand, and looked about ready to fall asleep right there on the floor. “Eva, please, I don’t even remember what ‘integer’ means at this point.”
         Eva sighed and eased herself down into a sitting position. “Alright. Come back tomorrow for another hour of Professor Kapel’s class.”
         “You’ll need to go to university if you’re going to be an actual professor someday.” Said Camarin, who was busying herself up on her bed by bending some paperclips into little stick-figures.”
         Eva shrugged at her. “I bet I could get my bachelor’s online. I know most of it already.”
         Katsumi said, “Nerd.” teasing Eva a little bit. Eva just tossed an errant sock in Katsumi’s direction.
         “I’ll be sure not to hire you as my assistant.”
         “Do math professors even get assistants?” Questioned Katsumi from her perch on Camarin’s desk.
         Eva waved it off. “I will!”
         Just then, a London accent interrupted them over the intercom. “Oh, I do love a woman who’s interested in academia! Did you know I started my career academia? I siphoned off a few thousand pounds meant for the football team at my sixth form from some well to do alumni!”
         Almost immediately, Camarin had an arrow pointed at the small intercom above the door. “I swear to God Moon if you’re spying on my bedroom!”
         Moon immediately backtracked. “Ayh! I’m not spying on anyone! I just happened to overhear is all. I’m plugged into this thing remember. It’s hard not to overhear. Now listen, I know you four are bored, and I just overheard the most interesting bit of gossip down in what’s left of conference room five.”
         Katsumi leaped to her feet. “What’s left of it?!”
         “Calm down!” Cautioned Moon. “You don’t want to go down there right now! Those freeloading immortals you so graciously put up here are having a bit of a go at one another. They’ll be over it soon, but for now they’re still too distracted to actually leave yet.”
         “Leave?!”
         Moon feigned surprise. “Didn’t I mention just now? I heard some gossip. They’ve got a mission to go on.” There was a pause, followed by a murmur from Moon. “To the Alliance…”
         The girls exchanged some quick glances, reached a mutual decision, and rushed out of the barracks.

         Back in the conference room, the Five and Fuji were concluding their argument. There had been a few chairs damaged in the exchange, but they had agreed on a tried and true method for ending fights. “We’ll talk about this later!” Shouted Coryn, who of course never had any intention of bringing it up with Fuji ever again. He made for the door. “Everyone, grab your stuff. We need to get a move on.”

         An hour later, the Five were taking stock of themselves in the castle’s main lobby. They had spread out on the side of the room. Colt had insisted he take time to clean his guns and sharpen his blades. The others knew that his swords and knives were already freshly honed. They knew that the firearms had been rendered immaculate the night before. Colt was pulling out his favorite delaying tactic, and the other three could only sit back and let it happen.
         October was taking the opportunity to rework her coat. The trench coat had mostly been shredded below a certain latitude, which was only partly her own fault. But now she had trimmed it off completely at the waist. She was in the process of hand stitching a new seam. Her rhythmic punching of the needle created a metronome for the immortals to follow.
         It had sent Jack straight to sleep. He had traded in his hand made mess of leather and belt buckles which he called a jacket for a simple cotton affair after much deliberation. Although Jack had still salvaged a single buckle, which he fastened around his arm in solidarity. He had pulled up the hood to hide his eyes from the light, but Coryn could still see Jack's face from where he sat against the wall.
         Coryn had already sharpened the spare trench-knife he kept on his ankle, and had begun to tie and untie his hair into braids and ponytails. Finally, he settled on a loose ponytail that left his bangs intact. Just as he did, October finished up her seam job, and tried on her work. Satisfied, she jumped down from the stairs, and shook Jack awake. “Alright, wrap it up Colt. If we sit here any longer I'm going to start in on group uniforms. I know you don't want that.”
         Without ever looking up from his work, Colt directed a finger to the ceiling. “We'll go after you're done with them.”
         At the cowboy’s warning, the rest of the Five looked up. Sure enough, after a moment of silence they heard footsteps racing across the old wood above their heads. Coryn let out a grown as he climbed to his feet. “Crap... Who told them?”
         The four girls burst out from the top of the stairs. They were dressed in street clothes, and were making a beeline for the Five. Katsumi was taking the lead. “We're going with you!”
         Coryn shouted back at her. “No, you're not!” The two groups met at the base of the main stairs, and Coryn continued his line of logic. “You need to-”
         “Give us one good reason!” Camarin had cut him off. “We've been here doing nothing for a month and a half! Naomi obviously isn't going anywhere, and you're going after Shiro!”
         “We-!” Coryn began yelling, but he cut himself short. After a deep breath, he started again with a softer tone. “Look. We are not going after Shiro. Yet. Yes, we are leaving, but we're just going to run an errand to the Alliance.”
         “What do you need with them?” Asked Eva.
         Colt spoke up from where he sat with his weapons. “We're just picking up a package. There's no fire.”
         Of course, they hadn't told the girls about Colt's condition. Even if they knew about his unique nature, there wasn't a reason they had to be clued in. With luck, they wouldn't need to get dragged in any deeper to the Five’s problems. With that in mind, Coryn turned back to the girls. “See what I mean? Just a boring old errand.”
         Eva was pouting. “Sure. Just an errand that requires all four of you?”
         October intervened. “Now, now. You'll take note that we've only shown you places roughly around your own time-frame. The Alliance is millennia ahead of you. And as much as we like you four, we can't just go exposing you to technologically advanced future cultures…” Memories of their encounter with the Bounty Guild flashed through her mind. “Err… on purpose. It's great that you're interested, but one step at a time, 'kay?”
The girls stewed, but Jack, now fully awake, piped up with a compromise. “Look, we'll bring you back some knick-knacks!” The rest of the Five shared a concerned look, but Jack pushed through it. “Nothing crazy! Just a memory cube, or a tesseract, or something?”
         October rolled her eyes. “Alright, just as long as it's not dangerous.” She turned back to the girls. “Believe it or not, it's generally frowned upon for immortals to ‘cross contaminate’.”
They still didn't look satisfied, so Coryn made one last attempt to mollify them. “Look, I get it. We've dragged you into… well, a lot of stuff we really shouldn't have. But you've already done more than anyone expected you to. We just… don't want you paying for our mistakes anymore.”
         Katsumi still didn't seem to like his answer, but she let down her confrontational facade and relaxed her body language. “And what was the last time you managed to make anything go your way?” She sighed. “At least tell us what exactly you're doing there. What's this ‘errand’ of yours?”
         Coryn shrugged in an attempt to make it look like no big deal. “That tube we ran Claire and Naomi through? It’s commercially available stuff, right? We bought it on the open market. And well, we’re looking for a way to wake Claire back up. But we don’t know what to do, and I got an old friend over there, name of Eidon Julle. He’s an expert on immortals you see? Well, he’s the closet thing the Alliance has to one at least. If the Alliance has got anything lying around to help with our particular problem, he’ll be the one to talk to.”
Sam raised an eyebrow at Coryn. “They have experts on immortals?”
         Coryn said. “Sure. That’s how they ran into me.”
         Sam said. “And you’re all going because…?”
         Jack stepped in. “Because…we said so? And we’re the adults here?”
         Camarin scoffed at him. “We’re all at least eighteen.”
         Colt came up to the group. He was holstering his pistols and seemed fully packed. “No offense girls, but in comparison, you might as well be embryos. Trust us. We’ll be back in a jiffy.” He turned to the rest of the Five. “I’m done. Let’s get a move on.”
         In a response to the cowboy’s words. The Five started taking steps back from the four girls. October tried one last time to appease them. “I’ll find you come good stuff. Don’t worry!” And with that, all four of them disappeared in a flash of white.

         Coryn had taken the lead, and the rest had followed his energy signature across the dimensional leap. He knew best where they were going, and a moment later, Coryn arrived smooth has you like in a metal and plastic lined corridor.
         While the touchdown was calm, it was the last thing that was. Coryn was immediately bowled over by a creature rushing down the passage. The long limbed being had run directly into the immortal, and they were both sent toppling to the ground. Coryn was taken off guard by the impact, and only gained a vague awareness of the teaming mass of sentiency around him after hitting the floor. This level of activity was not normal, and it caused Coryn’s heart to skip a beat, although he pushed the feeling down for the time being.
         From the commotion he heard above him, Coryn guessed that the rest of the Five had suffered a similar fate, and were fairing about as well. Not worried that they were in any danger of being trampled however, Coryn turned his attention to the being that had gone to the ground with him. Looking up, he saw a tall, bi-pedal alien atop him. Its eyes were wide and nearly completely black. Instead of skin, it had a metallic carapace, which was divided into an uncountable (although someone had surely calculated them somewhere along the line), series of strips and plates, which glided smoothly past each other with each moment the being made. When they spoke, the gliding metal plates around their mouth added an extra layer of hi-pitched sound, which although not unpleasing to the ear, took a moment to adjust to.
         “Oh my! I am so sorry I didn’t see you there! Someone must have flashed a light in my eyes because…Oh please, let me help you up.”
         They reached out a hand to help Coryn up, and he took it with a smile. They wearing a science officer’s uniform, and a petty officer’s at that. Coryn read the name on their tag as ‘Xiua’, although he could have been mistaken. The being was a Siiran, one of the three founder species of the Alliance. Coryn had picked up their spoken language rather quickly once upon a time, but for some reason their written tongue had always eluded him. She was also a female, judging from the deepness of her voice, and the intricate designed etched into the carapace plate which comprised most of her head.
         It was only now that Xiua processed Coryn’s lack of uniform, which clashed wildly with the expected Alliance staffers passing through the facility. She had also become aware of Colt, Jack, and October. Xiua emoted confusion in her own Siiranian way, and looked back at Coryn. “I’m sorry, but who are you exactly?”
         Siiran females averaged about eight feet tall, so Coryn had to crane his neck to its limit to see her face in the cramped corridor. He motioned at the rest of the Five to close ranks, and with Xiua they migrated to the inner wall of the curved corridor. Now out of the worst of the crowd, Coryn spoke. “Assuming no one has seen fit to demote me, I’m Commander Sken. I’ll take it you’re Petty Officer Xiua?”
         Xiua replied. “It’s ‘Xiua’, Commander. My sincerest apologies for knocking you over sir!” She was of course, speaking her own native language. Within Alliance space, ambient translation fields were common place. But certain words were always marked to come through untranslated, names chief among them. Coryn filed the correct pronunciation, and continued. “My lack of uniform is strictly need-to-know Petty Officer. Don’t mention I’m here. I’ve been on a mission outside of Alliance contact for some time and just got back. Why is Julle’s facility in an uproar? What is going on here?” Coryn waved his hand over the mass of beings rushing past, and Xiua snapped a salute.
         “Sir! The Alliance has issued a general retreat of all Alliance personnel and civilians from Prime!”
         Now, the alarms were going off on full blast in Coryn’s head, and he didn’t doubt they weren’t in his friends’ as well. ‘Prime’, as it was known, was the Alliance’s home universe. It had been born there, it was where they were currently. At the time, the Alliance was merely a pact formed between the Milky Way, Andromeda, and Triangulum galaxies. Over tens of thousands of years, they had grown into a multi-dimensional civilization, but throughout it all, Prime had remained their spiritual home.
         “All personnel…” Thought Coryn. “All civilians…” A new thought found its way into his mind, and he blew past Xiua. Coryn was squeezed in tight, but he pushed on to the far wall. There were quadrillions of beings living within Alliance space in Prime. To evacuate that number was an impossible task, even for a Type IV civilization such as the Alliance. After a few yards, he found a small control panel. He frantically located the button he was looking for, and slammed his finger into it. Slowly, the wall in front of him folded way, replaced with a panoramic view of the outside world. It revealed some of the titan, orbiting space station which they stood in, and beyond that, the vastness of space. Beyond that however, was the Earth. Coryn had been before, but this Earth was a closed off zone. Most of the planet had been abandoned for nature to reclaim, and now only a select number of major population centers remained. Coryn couldn’t see any of it however. All he saw was a vast, all-encompassing storm. Dozens of eyes of dozens of storms were racing across the planet at speeds which no normal weather phenomenon should have been able to muster. Bolts of lightning lit up whole continents at a time. Several arced out into space, only terminating a distance far too close to comfort for the orbiting station, as the high energy blasts impacted its shields.
         As alluring as it was, Coryn broke his gaze from the planet below. The next two things that caught his eye were his friends, and an airlock. “Xiua, take those two to Julle’s lab!” He pointed at Colt and Jack. “October, airlock, you and me!”
         October was already making her way upstream, with even less regard for the passing beings. “Way ahead of you!”
         Behind her, Xiua was shaking her head in confusion, but Colt was already pulling her back from the wall. “No time to waste miss. We need to see your man on the double.”
         As Jack, Colt, and Xiua were swept away, October met Coryn at the airlock. Coryn had already brute forced his way through the safety measures on the inner door and was holding it open as October passed beneath his arm. “October, what do you sense down there?”
         October cleared the seal, and Coryn let it slide closed behind her. “Divine energy. There’s a god down there.”
         Coryn took deep breath as he worked through the last few commands on the console. “And here we told the kids it would be a short trip.”
         October smiled softly. “Lying to your kids is part of the job honey.”
         A large red button rose out of the console, and Coryn bashed it with his fist. The outer door hissed and opened at an agonizing pace. October and Coryn were met with the cold, silent reality of open black. They took each other’s hand as their body’s acclimated to the change. It was a survivable leap, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t going to hurt. With one last glance at each other, they braced themselves, and leapt into the void beyond.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: legomaestro on March 08, 2019, 08:37:27 AM
1.  None of them were sitting anymore. October had accidentally snapped off a corner of the table. Coryn was pacing in frustration. It wasn't that they didn't have their spats, but usually these things weren't of any consequence.
- Gahahaha.  I really wouldn't want to be near these guys when they're arguing. This was a little more serious, even if the right answer was staring them in the face. Fuji finally moved for his tea. They would get it correct eventually.
- Nitpicky question: Enix and strength: Is there a difference? I understand October being half vamp means enhanced strenght - more than enough to snap a table when she's pissed. But could Coryn do that without channeling his Enix or something? I mean it can be a subconscious thing I guess but is there any special Enix required for some of the more basic feats that Coryn can do e.j jump really good or smash a table. Not sure if it makes sense.

2. Jack said. “Coryn's right Colt. Your arm isn't getting any better. Don't think we haven't noticed the glove. It’s all the way down now isn’t it?”
- I wonder where Colt stays in the constellation of friendship here. I suspect he's more of a friend to Jack than either Coryn or October, but I think Jack is the real 'bro bro' to Coryn. Colt feels like an outsider of sorts. And man, I know I give Coryn grief for how things ended with Shiro, but I really don't see how he meshed with the group properly. Seems like at least on a conversational level something was bound to go funky with him.

3. It came back around to Coryn. “We can't have him ‘voiding out’ at a critical moment either!”
- Whether you believe in coincidence or not, whether you're a pessimist or not, it's almost a rule of law that anything unresolved will absolute show up to mess up your existence at the wrong time if you don't deal with it. Siding with Coryn here.

4. And so it went. Colt's condition had grown to encompass his entire right arm. It was pure void from the shoulder on down.
- I can imagine what 'void' looks like from my infinite visual libraries of anime and movies that depict the sort of thing. But what does void mean to you? I just learnt that people who are blind don't even 'see' darkness or just pure black. It's just... Not-there.

5. “And... you cannot go after Shiro with only three of you. Killing an immortal is no an asy task at the best of times, and these conditions are far from ideal.
***not an easy (But I'm thinking that's the last typo I point out forevermore haha. You'll be sure to pick them up for any final final read so it's much easier my side to just go along unless it's egrigous and obscures the meaning. )
- Man, I don't know what it is about killing immortals in stories, but I always find it to be a fun theme. The Highlander comes to mind at the moment, but the rules for removing immortality and achieving your goal always make for some good epicnormal banter (Stuff that should be mindblowing to talk about, but is said in a casual context)
6. Coryn sighed. “Maybe? There's a guy I know who specializes in people like us. If anyone in the Alliance knows something, it'll be him.”
- I really do not want to know how complicated it is to deal with sicknesses that people like Coryn get. I mean if you have a flu it better be something nasty. Come to think of it.
- Talk of the alliance and stuff has me thinking, CS is a pretty incident-related story so there's little to no chance of seeing their episodic lives ala Star Trek or even a Sitcom. Do you think you'd be able to write stories of the four (or the five) travelling the universe in a sort of 'season 1, season 2' tv format? If you were told to do so, or is this story one of the grander arcs with hints of the greater backstories?

7. Coryn waved his hands around in a feeble attempt to cover up his guilt. “No! I mean... maybe a little. Look it was really important at the time. And I made sure he didn't get away with anything he shouldn't have.”
- Sometimes I wonder what sort of mischief Moon could get up to if he were let loose.

8.  Meanwhile, a different, if not unrelated conversation was happening in the castle’s barracks. Katsumi, Samantha, Camarin, and Eva were cloistered in a cramped dormitory.
- 'cloistered in a cramped dormitory' somehow works, but man that feels like a tongue-twister just at the look at it haha. Props

9. “I mean, irrational numbers are cool and all, but after a certain point it just doesn’t become useful to run it out to more integers. At what point does precision cease to matter even at the sub-atomic scale?”
- Preach, Eva!
10. “Eva, please, I don’t even remember what ‘integer’ means at this point.”
- Isn't it the name of that girl from Hellsing?

11. “You’ll need to go to university if you’re going to be an actual professor someday.” Said Camarin, who was busying herself up on her bed by bending some paperclips into little stick-figures.”
- Wait you can do that? *Googles*

12. Just then, a London accent interrupted them over the intercom. “Oh, I do love a woman who’s interested in academia! Did you know I started my career academia? I siphoned off a few thousand pounds meant for the football team at my sixth form from some well to do alumni!”
- That's pretty impressive Moon. Still, how the heck did you end up bodyless in some castle in some pocket dimension somewhere. You have a story to tell, man.

13. Moon feigned surprise. “Didn’t I mention just now? I heard some gossip. They’ve got a mission to go on.” There was a pause, followed by a murmur from Moon. “To the Alliance…”
- Moon, what are you up to... That being said I wouldn't mind the gals joining the action. They're not entirely useless as is the case with such groups. They do bring some useful punching power.

14. “We’ll talk about this later!” Shouted Coryn, who of course never had any intention of bringing it up with Fuji ever again.
- Haha little caveats like this make the writing richer.

15. He had pulled up the hood to hide his eyes from the light, but Coryn could still see Jack's face from where he sat against the wall.
- Jack looks cool. Start a brand: Fashion For Immortals.tm

16. Coryn had already sharpened the spare trench-knife he kept on his ankle, and had begun to tie and untie his hair into braids and ponytails. Finally, he settled on a loose ponytail that left his bangs intact.
- There's definitely a story behind tying a ponytail yourself. Where the heck did he learn that.
- By the way, as an immortal is it automatically a fact that you'll get better at things even if you don't apply yourself? Basically, with infinite time and infinite health can you assume someone will know all the languages in the universe and all the skills that are there, or is active practice definitely a part of it?
Wait I think I know the answer to that one. But heck it, you venture an answer.

17. The four girls burst out from the top of the stairs. They were dressed in street clothes, and were making a beeline for the Five.
- Fashion for Future Immortals. tm

18. The girls stewed, but Jack, now fully awake, piped up with a compromise. “Look, we'll bring you back some knick-knacks!” The rest of the Five shared a concerned look, but Jack pushed through it. “Nothing crazy! Just a memory cube, or a tesseract, or something?”
- Wait are tesseracts porteable? As in portals to other places?  Would be convenient as heck to carry a portal to Kansas in your suitcase when the fancy strikes you.

19. October rolled her eyes. “Alright, just as long as it's not dangerous.” She turned back to the girls. “Believe it or not, it's generally frowned upon for immortals to ‘cross contaminate’.”
- Meaning?

20. Colt came up to the group. He was holstering his pistols and seemed fully packed. “No offense girls, but in comparison, you might as well be embryos. Trust us. We’ll be back in a jiffy.” He turned to the rest of the Five. “I’m done. Let’s get a move on.”

- Burn, Colt. Still my favourite of the Five. But wait there's Jack too. Coryn could be cool but he murdered Shiro (One of the last times I make this joke I swear ((still a cruel bastard)) )

21. She was also a female, judging from the deepness of her voice, and the intricate designed etched into the carapace plate which comprised most of her head.
- Cool alien design all in all. So do females have deep voices or is it just deep in relation to the species' voices?

22. “Assuming no one has seen fit to demote me, I’m Commander Sken. I’ll take it you’re Petty Officer Xiua?”
- Wait a minute!!! Since when were you commander!?

23. At the time, the Alliance was merely a pact formed between the Milky Way, Andromeda, and Triangulum galaxies.
- I hear a lot of Andromeda, but never of Triangulum. *Googles* Pinwheel galaxy huh. Coolstuff

24. Several arced out into space, only terminating a distance far too close to comfort for the orbiting station, as the high energy blasts impacted its shields.
- Well, damn.

25. Behind her, Xiua was shaking her head in confusion, but Colt was already pulling her back from the wall. “No time to waste miss. We need to see your man on the double.”
- I'm pretty impressed at Xiua being calm and polite in such a stressful situation.

26.          October cleared the seal, and Coryn let it slide closed behind her. “Divine energy. There’s a god down there.”
         Coryn took deep breath as he worked through the last few commands on the console. “And here we told the kids it would be a short trip.”
         October smiled softly. “Lying to your kids is part of the job honey.”
         A large red button rose out of the console, and Coryn bashed it with his fist. The outer door hissed and opened at an agonizing pace. October and Coryn were met with the cold, silent reality of open black. They took each other’s hand as their body’s acclimated to the change. It was a survivable leap, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t going to hurt. With one last glance at each other, they braced themselves, and leapt into the void beyond.

- This is how action scenes start. First calm silent music and then they land on Earth and bam wham slama damn wish wooosh katana slice! Beam! fight scene!
- Ahem. Nice chapter here. Was a treat. Write moaaaar.
Title: Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
Post by: Coryn on March 08, 2019, 11:22:14 AM
1. Enix definitely begets strength, but it very much is a contextual thing. You can imagine that they have ambient 'power floors'. A certain amount of strength is always there, so it's not like you can get the drop on one with a sniper rifle or something and just take them out. So imagine that have a subconscious defense at all times, and are generally monsterously strong, but have a tight control over it. In the same way that Goku can get dressed without accidentally ripping his clothes to shreds, while punch a moon in half later that day.

2. Colt is definitely dad-friend. But still a friend. Sins of the past though, yadda yadda. As far as Shiro goes, it's much harder to say since I just don't have the writing hours to back him up that I have with the others. But you can imagine there was definitely a place for him in the dynamic.

3. It's a sensitive subject of course. Easy to see why they would all be near the end of their ropes.

4. It's an absence from existence itself. The kind of non-existence you just can't comprehend after being born into a universe that is actually there. It's probably very uncomfortable to look at, is what I'm saying.

5. It would become pretty casual if you've been immortal for a few thousand years or more.

6. Enix is probably a great immune system.

I mean yeah, you've got it. It's really about big arcs and alluding to big back stories. You will remember I did experiment with The Life and Times stories back in the day. So I think if I put my mind to it, I could crank out something episodically. But that's not really what I meant for this to be.

7. Best not to think about it.

8. Hehe. I was looking for that alliteration

9. Math is cool! (Sometimes)

10. I think it was Integral (jk jk)

11. Don't see why not.

12. I think he had some backstory in arc 1, but who knows how much of that I agree with anymore. But yeah, the stories he could tell.

13. Moon is a born grifter. Don't trust his intentions.

14. Thank Prachett. His stuff has really helped me fill in some gaps.

15. They... Certainly have a sense for it. Whether it's good or not, who's to say.

16. They definitely need to out forward an effort to learn, but it's also a given that over the years, you'll naturally pick up some talents. The key thing is that you can use enix to keep the mind sharp. So time plays less havoc on what they learn.

17. No comment on their prospects.

18. Well a tesceract isn't necessarily a portal. By definition, it's just a 4 dimensional shape.

19. Don't give cavemen a plasma rifle from the next dimension over.

20. Obviously it was necessary, but yeah, old comment by now.

21. I'll leave that to the reader's interpretation.

22. Since we first introduced the concept in arc 2

23. People never ask what the runner up is in the closest Galaxy contest

24. Yup

25. She is a very put together person. It helps in the military.

26. There will definitely be some cool stuff next chapter.


Glad you liked everything! The next chapter is already under production.