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Manga Writers => Manga Creations => Topic started by: Fronomenal on January 09, 2018, 08:12:12 PM


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Title: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Fronomenal on January 09, 2018, 08:12:12 PM
Torn by painful memories that tortured his soul...
He drifted about, with nowhere to go....
Oh troubled Drifter, just how long will you roam...
In search of a place that you may call home...


Killing Demons

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1D3G2VGQ_8

An ominous chill crawled down Fronomenal’s spine as he wandered amidst a field of darkness. He hated this
feeling, the feeling of resented shadows creeping up on him. He was accustomed to this presence of errieness, and he hated himself much for it. Visiting the past knowing the mental anguish it caused him had always been his own doing of course.

Why did I come back here…?

The question nagged at him as he peered at the fog covered pitch blackness ahead of him. The fog’s mist was a veil for this realm, but Fronomenal could see right through it’s jagged form. He shifted his attention to the sky above him. It was a darkened red, much like the color of old blood. A sullen look of dread escaped him as he gazed upon it with his dreary brown eyes. He hated how the sky looked. It made him feel sick.

Then again, where else can I go…?

Footprints of his black boots marked a trail on the crusty ground of brown behind him. His short curly afro itched from the murkiness of the chilling air. He scratched at it in an attempt to resolve the issue, but it only led to more bothersome itching that was now nagging at his entire upper body. He unzipped his black, silk jacket and began tugging on his shirt repeatedly, combating the itch with every tug. When the itching had finally subsided, he groaned. He had won a battle, but it wasn’t the one that mattered. A more troublesome battle still raged on- a battle with himself.

Why am I even alive…

Fro’s left hand balled into a fist, trembling with a rage that ate at his very soul. He closed his eyes. The dark world of the physical had vanished in his mind’s eye, and yet he couldn’t escape the darkness that enveloped his own inner world. He stood idle in this self imagined blackness, a faint light outlining his form. As he stood frozen, flashes of black and white imagery scattered around him. The images were a blur, but faces could be seen, smiling faces, and Fro’s face was among them. It was a moment of happiness. A happiness long lost. It was a memory from a past that he wished he could return to, but he knew that reality was now only a foolish fantasy. Those smiles no longer comforted him. They only served to mock him.

I’m never getting that back… Maybe I should just…

“It- its’s y-you!”

Fro snapped back to reality upon hearing the sound of a frightened voice coming from behind him. He turned to see a man trembling a few feet away from him. He was dripping with sweat and his eyes bulged to the point of almost of falling out. However, the most important thing to note was the silver handgun twitching in his right hand. Fro’s attention was set solely on the gun.

“Who are y-”

“Haha!” The terrified man bursted into a nervous laugh that cut off Fro mid sentence. “I-I thought it was just rumors, but it’s true! I can’t believe it… you’re really here!”

Fro shot the man a look of confusion. “Do we know each other?”

“You don’t know me,” The man began, stuttering. “But I sure know a hell of alot about you!”

Fro’s eyes narrowed. He wasn’t sure of how to respond to the man’s suspicious claims.

“You’re him aren’t you?” The Terror of the Dark Net. You’re Frosiah! AREN'T YOU!?”

Fro eyes quickly widened upon hearing that cursed name. He averted his eyes away from the man with a look of shame on his face.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“Don’t you bull*censored* me! You look a little different now, but I can tell that you’re him. That afro and those killer brown eyes…” The man raised his hand pointing a finger at Fro with a maniacal grin. “YOU’RE REALLY HIM! HAHA! AIN’T NO WAY AROUND IT! YOU’RE FROSIAH!!!”

Fro’s ignored the man’s claims and turned his back on him. “That name is retired homie… That isn’t me anymore.”

Fro slowly walked away from the crazy bastard. Suddenly…

BANG!

The harsh sound halted him. He turned back around and saw the smoking barrel of a pistol aimed at him. His face darkened with annoyance as he glared back at the man who had a sudden look of determination about him.

“Don’t you walk away from me you bastard! I’ve waited years for this moment and I won’t let you ruin this chance!”

“What do you want from me?”

“REVENGE!”

Bang! The man fired off another shot. The bullet flew quickly past Fro, narrowly missing him, but that was on purpose. Fro, however, wasn’t fazed.

“Revenge? For what? I haven't done anything to you. “

“Oh, but you have!” The man screamed with a disturbing raspiness in his voice. He was laughing even harder now, as if he had now lost his mind. “This face doesn’t look familiar to you does it?” Well take it a good look at it! Tell me… WHO DO I LOOK LIKE!?”

Fro scrunched his face as he took a good look at the man. He was an ugly individual with a long face and a blonde bowl cut. Stand out features for sure, but none of them were ringing any bells for Fro.

“C’mon now, think hard on it.” The man pressed. “You know this face. I know you do!”

Fro shook his head in disagreement. “Sorry, I don’t.”

“Playing dumb eh? I see how it is then… Does the name ‘Warhammer Jimmy’ ring any bells for ya?”

“Warhammer…” The name echoes in Fro’s mind. Another image flashed in his head. Again, it was blur, but the bleary image of a towering giant slowly focused into a clear view. It was holding a massive hammer, grinning with murderous intentions. A mess of shaggy blond hair draped over his crimson colored eyes. A monster one would assume, but it was indeed human. When the image faded and the realization finally settled in, Fro’s face lit up with an alarming look of utter shock.

“Oh it’s finally hitting ya now isn’t it?” The man chuckled. “That look on your face says it all.”

“How do you know him?”

“How do I know him? I KNOW HIM BECAUSE HE WAS MY LITTLE BROTHER YOU *censored*HEAD!!!”

“Brother…” Fro whispered. The fact caught him off guard. A sudden feeling of guilt welled up inside of him. He was at a loss for words.

“That’s right! Warhammer Jimmy, once the most feared individual on the Dark Net, was my little brother. He was a monstrous killer, who murdered every and any person who crossed his path. No could stop him. And then you showed up.. And murdered him!”

Fro felt a swelling squeezing at his throat. “I didn’t mean to…”

“BULL*censored*!” The man shouted, firing off another round into the air randomly. “You killed him with no remorse! You didn’t have a single ounce mercy when you did it. I know this because you were exactly him!”

“...What…”

“Oh don’t think I don’t know about your past. Everybody in the Dark Net knows about you. The infamous Dark Frosiah who killed approximately thirty two inhabitants of the Dark Net, who all of which were killers in their own right. You were talk of the town at one point ya know? Everyone was afraid of you, yet so many admired you..And then, one day you vanished. Never to be seen or heard of again.”

Fro wanted to deny the man’s claims, but he couldn’t. The look of disheartment on his face was confirmation of the horrible truth.

“So tell me… How did it feel killing all those people? How did it feel killing my brother? Did you enjoy it? Did you get some sick, twisted pleasure from it?” HUH!? TELL ME!”

“He attacked me… I didn’t want to-”

“My brother was a good kid in real life ya know?” The man’s tone shifted into sadness, as if he was about burst into tears. “He was always wanted to be liked by others, but everyone hated him. He was a loser in real life. No one cared for him and he hated that. He hated that he was different from everyone else, that he was ugly and everyone else wasn’t. He didn’t fit in with the cool kids, and he almost took his own life because of it.”

Tears were now trickling down the man’s cheek as he spoke. Fro watched on in silence, unable to speak.

“And then that’s when he found it. The dark side of the internet. It was all scary to him at first, but he soon realized that it was the perfect place for someone like him. There, he could be someone other than himself. He could be someone new, someone different. Someone that could be feared and respected. He can pay everyone back for how they treated him. He could kill with no consequences, no shame, no regrets. He could be the person he always wanted to be.”


The man was now slowly inching towards Fro, pointing his gun at him, arms shaking with a festering rage.

“And so I watched him enter that portal into this realm that we’re standing in right now. I followed him, hoping I could stop him, but it was too late. He was gone. I wanted to help him, to tell him he didn’t have go down the dark path he was traveling, but I couldn’t reach him. I was the total opposite of my brother and I’ve always hated myself for it! And now that he’s gone I can’t forgive myself. And I won’t forgive you either!”

“Just because your brother was a punk ass who was treated unfairly doesn’t give him the right to kill innocent people!” Fro finally retorted.

“SHUT UP! What gives you right to say something like that!? A heartless murderer like you has no business to speak on right and wrong!”

“Dawg, I’m telling you I didn’t mea-

“You couldn’t possibly understand what my brother went through! What I went through! My brother was the only family I ever had and you took that away from me! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE!? TO LOSE THE ONLY FAMILY YOU EVER HAD!? DO YA PUNK!? DO YA!?”

Fro’s eyes dilated. Everything around him had frozen. His face went blank and his vision blacked out for just a second.

In the next moment, he snapped.

Fro whipped his right hand forward and shot out a single tendril of hair from his palm that lashed at the man. The man readied his gun to shoot, but soon found it slipping from his grasp as the tendril had now wrapped itself tightly around his neck, strangling him. He clawed at the rope of hair with whatever strength he had, but it was to no avail.

“You think I don’t know what’s it’s like to lose a family…” Fro muttered in a cold voice.

The hair tendril slowly raised itself higher into the air, suspending the man as it did so. With every inch it ascended he could feel all of his strength leaving him. He stared with struggling eyes at the individual getting ready to take his life. “Those eyes…” The man echoed in his head. “Those goddamn eyes!”

“YOU THINK YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO'S LOST A FAMILY!?”

With a hard clench, Fro swung the the tendril downwards, slamming the man on the ground with a loud crash. The man spat out blood upon impact.

“I WAS BETRAYED, MY ENTIRE FAMILY KILLED RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE!?”

A purplish dark energy began to ooze out of Fro’s body. It circled around him, enveloping him in a glowing outline of dark purple.

He swung the tendril upwards only to slam it back down on the ground a second later. Even as he collided with the ground, the man still continued to struggle to free himself from Fro’s grip.

“YOUR BROTHER ATTACKED ME! I DIDN’T WANT TO KILL HIM! I HAD TO DEFEND MYSELF!”

Another slam and another. Fro’s assault was relentless. His eyes beaded with a fiery rage. His veins looked as if going to pop out of his skin. The man could only choke and gasp for air. He was helpless. He was at the mercy of his attacker, who seemed to show no sign of sparing him.

After yet another slam, Fro launched the man way into the air with a forceful thrust. During mid flight, he stops the tendrils momentum, and kept the man suspended in the air. He could see the victim’s arms dangling helplessly at his sides. The man’s face was nearly lifeless, his gasps for breath had been subdued into silent grunts. His end was immediate.

“I didn’t want to kill any of ‘em. I…”

I didn’t know what to do…

Fro’s hand trembled.

“That wasn’t me…”

His grip was slowly loosening. The dark energy emanating from him began to recede. He closed his eyes shut, refusing to accept what had become of him.

I was scared…

“DAMMIT!”

The tendril whipped itself from around the man’s neck counterclockwise, unwrapping and recoiling back into Fro’s palm. The man dropped onto ground as this happened, pressing his hands against his neck, taking deep, exasperated breaths.

Fro was breathing rather heavily himself, trying his best to calm his rage. Opening his eyes, he turned towards his victim, casting him a cold and murderous looking glare.

“Let that be a warning…”

The man sat up and saw the hate burning in his assailant eyes. He pushed himself back with his feet, sliding backwards while whimpering in terror.

“Getcho ass out of here before you’ll end up like yo brother… NOW!”

And with that warning, the man hurled himself up and scurried away, his figure slowly vanishing into the confides of the searing mist.

Fro sighed, once again returning his gaze to the sickening red sky above. He stomach churned at the sight, but he couldn’t look away. His eyes were glued to it, much like his mind was glued to his past. The pain ate at his soul, leaving him with a feeling of emptiness he long wished to fill. But he had grown numb to the pain. That void couldn’t be filled. He knew that. And yet…

“Family, huh…”  The word rang silently in his mind. A faint smile had almost won over him, but his dreary demeanor persisted on.

“Will I ever find that again?”

He wandered.


Fro The Edgelord??? (Killing Demons: Edited)
An ominous chill crawled down Fronomenal’s spine as he wandered amidst a field of darkness. He hated this feeling, the feeling of resented shadows creeping up on him. He was accustomed to this presence of errieness, and he hated himself much for it. Visiting the past knowing the mental anguish it caused him had always been his own doing of course.

Why did I come back here…?

The question nagged at him as he peered at the fog covered pitch blackness ahead of him. The fog’s mist was a veil for this realm, but Fronomenal could see right through it’s jagged form. He shifted his attention to the sky above him. It was a darkened red, much like the color of old blood. A sullen look of dread escaped him as he gazed upon it with his dreary brown eyes. He hated how the sky looked. It made him feel sick.

Then again, where else can I go…?

Footprints of his black boots marked a trail on the crusty ground of brown behind him. His short curly afro itched from the murkiness of the chilling air. He scratched at it in an attempt to resolve the issue, but it only led to more bothersome itching that was now nagging at his entire upper body. He unzipped his black, silk jacket and began tugging on his shirt repeatedly, combating the itch with every tug. When the itching had finally subsided, he groaned. He had won a battle, but it wasn’t the one that mattered. A more troublesome battle still raged on- a battle with himself.

Why am I even alive…

Fro’s left hand balled into a fist, trembling with a rage that ate at his very soul. He closed his eyes. The dark world of the physical had vanished in his mind’s eye, and yet he couldn’t escape the darkness that enveloped his own inner world. He stood idle in this self imagined blackness, a faint light outlining his form. As he stood frozen, flashes of black and white imagery scattered around him. The images were a blur, but faces could be seen, smiling faces, and Fro’s face was among them. It was a moment of happiness. A happiness long lost. It was a memory from a past that he wished he could return to, but he knew that reality was now only a foolish fantasy. Those smiles no longer comforted him. They only served to mock him.

I’m never getting that back… Maybe I should just…

“It- its’s y-you!”

Fro snapped back to reality upon hearing the sound of a frightened voice coming from behind him. He turned to see a man trembling a few feet away from him. He was dripping with sweat and his eyes bulged to the point of almost of falling out. However, the most important thing to note was the silver handgun twitching in his right hand. Fro’s attention was set solely on the gun.

“Who are y-”

“Haha!” The terrified man bursted into a nervous laugh that cut off Fro mid sentence. “I-I thought it was just rumors, but it’s true! I can’t believe it… you’re really here!”
Fro shot the man a look of confusion. “Do we know each other?”
“You don’t know me,” The man began, stuttering. “But I sure know a hell of alot about you!”

Fro’s eyes narrowed. He wasn’t sure of how to respond to the man’s suspicious claims.

“You’re him aren’t you?” The Terror of the Dark Net. You’re Frosiah! AREN'T YOU!?”

Fro eyes quickly widened upon hearing that cursed name. He averted his eyes away from the man with a look of shame on his face.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“Don’t you bull*censored* me! You look a little different now, but I can tell that you’re him. That afro and those killer brown eyes…” The man raised his hand pointing a finger at Fro with a maniacal grin. “YOU’RE REALLY HIM! HAHA! AIN’T NO WAY AROUND IT! YOU’RE FROSIAH!!!”

Fro’s ignored the man’s claims and turned his back on him. “That name is retired homie… That isn’t me anymore.”

Fro slowly walked away from the crazy bastard. Suddenly…

BANG!

The harsh sound halted him. He turned back around and saw the smoking barrel of a pistol aimed at him. His face darkened with annoyance as he glared back at the man who had a sudden look of determination about him.

“Don’t you walk away from me you bastard! I’ve waited years for this moment and I won’t let you ruin this chance!”

“What do you want from me?”

“REVENGE!”

Bang! The man fired off another shot. The bullet flew quickly past Fro, narrowly missing him, but that was on purpose. Fro, however, wasn’t fazed.

“Revenge? For what? I haven't done anything to you. “

“Oh, but you have!” The man screamed with a disturbing raspiness in his voice. He was laughing even harder now, as if he had now lost his mind. “This face doesn’t look familiar to you does it?” Well take it a good look at it! Tell me… WHO DO I LOOK LIKE!?”

Fro scrunched his face as analyzed the man. He was an ugly individual with a long face and a blonde bowl cut. Stand out features for sure, but none of them were ringing any bells for Fro.

“C’mon now, think hard on it.” The man pressed. “You know this face. I know you do!”
Fro shook his head in disagreement. “Sorry, I don’t.”

“Playing dumb eh? I see how it is then… Does the name ‘Warhammer Jimmy’ ring any bells for ya?”

“Warhammer…” The name echoes in Fro’s mind. Another image flashed in his head. Again, it was blur, but the bleary image of a towering giant slowly focused into a clear view. It was holding a massive hammer, grinning with murderous intentions. A mess of shaggy blond hair draped over his crimson colored eyes. A monster one would assume, but it was indeed human. When the image faded and the realization finally settled in, Fro’s face lit up with an alarming look of utter shock.

“Oh it’s finally hitting ya now isn’t it?” The man chuckled. “That look on your face says it all.”

“How do you know him?”

“How do I know him? I KNOW HIM BECAUSE HE WAS MY LITTLE BROTHER YOU *censored*HEAD!!!”
“Brother…” Fro whispered. The fact caught him off guard. A sudden feeling of guilt welled up inside of him. He was at a loss for words.

“That’s right! Warhammer Jimmy, once the most feared individual on the Dark Net, was my little brother. He was a monstrous killer, who murdered every and any person who crossed his path. No could stop him. And then you showed up.. And murdered him!”

Fro felt a swelling squeezing at his throat. “I didn’t mean to…”

“BULL*censored*!” The man shouted, firing off another round into the air randomly. “You're nothing but a heartless vigilante who killed not only my brother, but countless other murderers on the Dark Net!

Fro wanted to deny the man’s claims, but he couldn’t. The look of disheartment on his face was confirmation of the horrible truth.

“My brother was a good kid on The Net ya know?” The man’s tone shifted into sadness, as if he was about burst into tears. “He was always wanted to be liked by others, but everyone hated him. He was a loser who everyone trolled and bullied. No one cared for him and he hated that. He hated that he was different from everyone else, that he had a good heart and everyone else didn't. He didn’t fit in at all and he almost took his own life because of it.”

Tears were now trickling down the man’s cheek as he spoke. Fro watched on in silence, unable to speak.

“And then that’s when he found it. The dark side of The Net. It was all scary to him at first, but he soon realized that it was the perfect place for someone like him. There, he could be someone other than himself. He could be someone new, someone different. Someone that could be feared and respected. He can pay everyone back for how they treated him. He could kill with no consequences, no shame, no regrets. He could be the person he always wanted to be. Right here... in this bat *censored* world!”

The man was now slowly inching towards Fro, pointing his gun at him, arms shaking with a festering rage.

“I wanted to help him ya know? I wanted to tell that everything was going to get better and that he didn't have to sink so low. But I was too late. He was already long gone. I hated myself for being unable to stop him, but that's okay now. ‘Cause now I can make it up to him by killing you!”

As the man narrowed the gap between two of them, Fro’s sight fell to the ground, reflecting on the sins he had been accused of. The crazy bastard was right. Fro was a murdering vigilante in his past, and his past was something he could never run from. The Warhammer Jimmy incident was the start of it all, and if that had never happened, he possibly would’ve never strayed down such a dark path.

But doesn’t mean that this psychotic person with no sense of morals had a right to judge him. Or did he? Fro clenched his fist at thought of this, angered by his own mixed emotions.

“I get that your pissed about what I did to your brother,” Fro began, sounding as if he was trying to calm himself.

“But if you honestly think that your brother had a right to kill people because he was some punk ass who couldn’t
handle being bullied, then you’re more insane than he was.”

“SHUT UP! What gives you right to say something like that!? The man aggressively swung his arm to the left.” You couldn’t possibly understand what my brother went through! What I went through! My brother was the only family I ever had and you took that away from me! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE!? TO LOSE A FAMILY THAT YOU LOVED SO DEARLY? DO YA PUNK!? DO YA!?”

Fro’s eyes dilated. Everything around him had frozen. His face went blank and his vision blacked out for just a second. Those smiles were flashing in his head again.

And in the next moment, he snapped.

Fro whipped his right hand forward and shot out a single tendril of hair from his palm that lashed at the man. The man readied his gun to shoot, but soon found it slipping from his grasp as the tendril had now wrapped itself tightly around his neck, strangling him. He clawed at the rope of hair with whatever strength he had, but it was to no avail.

“You think I don’t know what’s it’s like to lose a family…” Fro muttered in a cold voice.

The hair tendril slowly raised itself higher into the air, suspending the man as it did so. With every inch it ascended he could feel all of his strength leaving him. He stared with struggling eyes at the individual getting ready to take his life. “Those eyes…” The man echoed in his head. “Those goddamn eyes!”

“YOU THINK YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO'S LOST A FAMILY!?”


With a hard clench, Fro swung the the tendril downwards, slamming the man on the ground with a loud crash. The man spat out blood upon impact.

“I WAS BETRAYED, MY ENTIRE FAMILY KILLED RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE!?”

A purplish dark energy began to ooze out of Fro’s body. It circled around him, enveloping him in a glowing outline of dark purple.

He swung the tendril upwards only to slam it back down on the ground a second later. Even as he collided with the ground, the man still struggled to free himself from Fro’s grip.

“YOUR BROTHER ATTACKED ME! I DIDN’T WANT TO KILL HIM! I HAD TO DEFEND MYSELF!”

Another slam and another. Fro’s assault was relentless. His eyes beaded with a fiery rage. His veins looked as if going to pop out of his skin. The man could only choke and gasp for air. He was helpless. He was at the mercy of his attacker, who seemed to show no sign of sparing him.

After yet another slam, Fro launched the man way into the air with a forceful thrust. During mid flight, he stops the tendrils momentum, and kept the man suspended in the air. He could see the victim’s arms dangling helplessly at his sides. The man’s face was nearly lifeless, his gasps for breath had been subdued into silent grunts. His end was immediate.

I was scared…

Fro’s hand trembled.

“That wasn’t me…”

His grip was slowly loosening. The dark energy emanating slowly receded. He closed his eyes shut, refusing to accept what had become of him.

I didn’t know what to do…

“DAMMIT!”

The tendril whipped itself from around the man’s neck counterclockwise, unwrapping and recoiling back into Fro’s palm. The man dropped onto ground as this happened, pressing his hands against his neck, taking deep, exasperated breaths.

Fro was breathing rather heavily himself, trying his best to calm his rage. Opening his eyes, he turned towards his victim, casting him a cold and murderous looking glare.

“Let that be a waring…”

The man sat up and saw the hate burning in his assailant eyes. He pushed himself back with his feet, sliding backwards, whimpering in terror.

“Getcho ass out of here before you end up like yo brother… NOW!”

And with that warning, the man hurled himself up and scurried away, his figure slowly vanishing into the confides of the searing mist.

Fro sighed, once again returning his gaze to the sickening red sky above. He stomach churned at the sight, but he couldn’t look away. His eyes were glued to it, much like his mind was glued to his past. The pain ate at his soul, leaving him with a feeling of emptiness he long wished to fill. But he had grown numb to the pain. That void couldn’t be filled. He knew that. And yet…

“Family, huh…”  The word rang silently in his mind. A faint smile had almost won over him, but his dreary demeanor persisted on.

“Will I ever find that again?”

He wandered.
 
 
 
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Fronomenal on January 09, 2018, 08:27:09 PM
I usually avoid double posting, but I'm double posting anyway. Fight me about it.

Author's comments


Before I start, Frosiah's name is a play on the word "Messiah." Just wanted to get that out of the way.

Reading Mahlua's work inspired me to start this unexpected project, which is why I'm using the MRverse tag that she uses for some of her stories. (Shout outs to her by the way).

This is an attempt to creatively explain my absence from MR. For added context, this take place a year after the epilogue of the "Strand of Truth," which you can read here http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php/topic,18808.0.html

I wanted to take a more dark approach with the first chapter. I feel I've somewhat succeeded in writing a very dark and gritty start, but it could've been a lot better I feel.

That's all I have for now. I will somehow figure out a way to add the universe with this piece but I'm still juggling ideas on how to do that. I just don't want this to be simply a backstory. That's what Origins Stories are for.

Let me know what you guys think. Until then, take care!

Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: MahluaandMilk on January 09, 2018, 09:57:00 PM
Nice! We now have some inkling into the dark net in the MR canon, although we typically don't separate an "in real life" as opposed to the life in MR. MRverse is an alternate universe in which "irl" doesn't exist, because "irl" is the 'Net itself--although the dark net being a part of something greater, and portals to it in the 'Net still holds water. Basically, you may have incidentally made the dark net a parallel universe to the net that is the reality of MRverse, and I kinda like that idea. Sorry if this comment is confusing.

All you edgelords with tragic pasts and I'm like "lol lighting hit a thing and a human was made. Science rules."
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Coryn on January 09, 2018, 10:06:46 PM
Science does rule indeed.

As sarcastic as it may sound, it does get pretty edgelord in that first chapter. Not that there isn't a place for edgelords, but I feel like you belabor the point a little too long? It got to the point where I was thinking "yeah yeah he killed your brother. I figured that out after the first five times you said it." You're kinda running in circles there. So, you could maybe trim some of the fat and get on with it y'know? Both with the brother being killed, and the whole not wanting to do it thing.

Cool hair slams though. I have to say, if this is a sorta origin story explaining your absence, then it would be good to toss in a reason for the absence in the first place. Food for thought.


And yes, the Messiah thing was not lost upon me. Guess we know how you really see yourself.  :sure:
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Fronomenal on January 09, 2018, 11:01:05 PM
@Mahlua: I was kinda using Lego's origin story as a reference point when I thought about that whole portal thing. Unless I missed I something, Lego arrived from a totally different universe that was not connected to the Net, so I felt could play around with that idea myself. Although perhaps I may have broken a rule there? I'm not sure. To clarify, the dark net I'm writing of exist within the same plane as MRverse, or "The Net" I should say. However it's separated from said Net, and has it's own domain. Kinda like how the dark web works in irl. Thanks for reading though. I appreciate it!

@Coryn: Not gonna lie, I had to google edgelord to understand what you were talking about, and when I read the definition I was like, "oh wow was I really going for that?" Lol it made me feel a little weird I guess.
But onto your point, I do agree that was I dragging the point a little longer than I should have.  I sort of have a habit of getting lost in my own dialogue when I write, and my writing usually suffers from that habit. I was mainly trying to sprinkle important bits of information in my dialogue, all the while trying to remain mysterious and fighting the temptation of just being lazy and just info dump the whole first chapter, which is why the brother guy ended up talking a lot. I'll definitely work on that for sure.

And as for your second point, I will be explaining Fro's absence in the next chapter. The first chapter was intended to be a prologue to serve as a hook, with the following  chapter giving the much needed explanations. But I knew it was going to be too long, and ultimately decided to treat it as a normal first chapter.

And No, I don't see myself that way lol. The name Frosiah is tied into Fronomenal's origin story, which I've put on the back burner for far too long now. Then again, most of my recent avatars have consisted of godly looking afro haired Buddhist monks and a Afro haired Jesus. So maybe I do see myself in such a light? :hmm:

Much thanks like always Coryn. You and Lego are like my Senseis on this forum, so I hold you guys opinions in high regard.

*Respectfully bows*
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: MahluaandMilk on January 10, 2018, 12:15:31 AM
Ah, yeah, that'd explain it. I was kind of rambling, but you cleared up what I was thinking. Lego's origin story I guess got buried and I never exactly got around to reading it either. Whoops. You're good. Nothing's broken! I just blepped in my own MRverse knowledge.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Coryn on January 10, 2018, 07:42:07 AM
Yeah, I think the important thing to remember with the MRverse is that it's not some sword art thing where it's just a bunch of people logging in to a computer. Parallel universes abound.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Fronomenal on January 11, 2018, 08:39:01 PM
Threw in a edited version of the first chapter in the opening post. I followed Coryn's advice and chopped out as much extra dialogue as I could. Hopefully it reads s a bit more smooth now. Also, took out that bit regarding the portal. I kinda felt that part was no longer necessary.

The next chapter should be done and posted by the middle of next week. I've been on a three week streak of completing story chapters during my two off days from work. I look to maintain that momentum.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: legomaestro on January 14, 2018, 05:20:59 PM
I guess the others pointed out the other technical stuff, I just wish I knew what you invisioned the Dark Net to be like in this MR Verse. I mean, the forum translates as a weird shifting city in the middle of a desert, and ecchi world has its greek multilayered pyramid thing going for it so what would the Dark Net look like? How would one get there? There are spam ninjas on this side of the net, what do bad things look like on the dark net?

I need that dystopic scene described!

Also, for any good wandering story you can take your time introducing things, but take inspiration from Champloo, Trigun and Cowboy Bebop : Sure there are characters who want revenge, but use characters and themes nicely/effectively, in combo with good music and you can make this a tale to remember for sure.

In any case, always love it when people participate in canon. Keep at it man.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Fronomenal on January 14, 2018, 07:45:37 PM
Thanks Lego! The dark net is a rather unexplored place in my head, but I do have a basic idea of how I want to portray it eventually. Unfortunately, you won't see much more of it in this story, since it pretty much served its purpose. I'll let Frono's origin story handle that bit when I decide to finally write it (Lord knows how long that'll take to happen).

 
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Fronomenal on January 25, 2018, 08:43:32 PM
WEE WOO! WEE WOO! NEW CHAPTER ALERT!

Meant to finish this last week, but I got distracted by my new pc that I just recently bought, which I then proceeded to download a crap-ton of emulators on, and a pc version of skyrim which I've been wanting for ages now because of mods and whatnot. I'm easily distracted as you can tell.

But anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this one. I almost feel like this should've been the first chapter, maybe? Oh well, what's done is done I suppose.

Drifting For Reasons

A dim morning light crept its way through the window of a small wooden shed located in the middle of a barren a grey wasteland, bringing life to an otherwise dully lighted room. Such light would usually be enough to alert one to wake up from their slumbers and begin their daily activities. Such light however, had no effect on someone like Fronomenal, who spent much of his morning on his bed in a drooling sleep, his right arm hanging lifeless off the edge of the bed.

In a sleep so deep, it seemed there was no chance of him waking up anytime soon. And that’s when his smartphone rang.

“YOU’LL NEVER SEE IT COOOOOOMMMIIIIIIINNNNGGGG!!!!!” The ringtone sounded off with a screaming woman blaring through the phone speakers.

Fro cracked open an eye and glared at the phone vibrating on a desk next to his bed with a look of annoyance on his face. He lazily slung his arm over to the desk and snatched his phone, squinting his eyes at the name that was flashing on the phone screen.

The name read, “Old man Observer.”

Fro groaned as he answered the phone.

“Hell-”


“New contracts are available for view on the main page of ‘Mercykillers dot com!” an automated voice said as it rudely interrupted Fro and continued on with its message. “If you would like to take on one of these contracts, please head over t-”


Click! Fro quickly hung up the phone and fell back  asleep, only to be woken up a second later by the same caller. He answered again. This time sounding more pissed off.

“What do you want?”


“There have been rumors swirling around the Dark Net mentioning your return,” said an actual voice this time who appeared to an old man. “And it appears that you have not paid me a visit.”

“Wasn’t there for you. I was there for someone else and they weren’t there. Leave me alone!”

Another click. Followed by another ring. Fro rolled his eyes as he once again answered the phone.

“Still searching for her are you?” The old man continued. “Although I’m rather confused as to why you decided that she would somehow end up here, considering that you ruled out the dark net as a possibility already.

“You always call me when I don't feel like talking to you. And it's never about anything important! If you don't have any new info on Mary, then-”

“In any event I do hope to see you again.” The old man said, cutting Fro off. “In the meantime, you should try to find something to distract you from your search. Give yourself a break. Perhaps finding a new purpose in your life will do you some good. Well then, until next time…”

Click! Fro wanted to hang up again, but was beaten to the punch.

“I hate that guy sometimes.”

He sat up and rubbed the back of his neck as he surveyed his room. It was rather a small and constricted space, filled with everything you could find in a standard bedroom.  He turned his attention to a framed photo located at the very edge of his desk. The photo revealed four smiling faces with their arms wrapped around one another: A blindfolded black teenager with an afro much larger than Fro’s, a freckle faced boy wearing an orange skully hat, a much younger looking Fronomenal in the middle of the bunch, and next to him was a young blond haired girl with very sharp looking blue eyes.

Fro was staring particularly hard at the blond haired girl. A look of depression struck his face as he stared at her.

“Mary…” he uttered softly. “All these years and I still haven’t found ya…”

Suddenly his moment of reminiscing was interrupted by the sound of his phone beeping next to him. He picked it up and looked at the flashing message screen that read, “Message from Mangaraiders.”

“Mangaraiders? He said as his eyes lit up from the sudden surprise. He tapped on the screen a few times and opened up the message.

[Sent from Legomaestro: Hey baldy, been missing ya, bud. You coming back anytime soon? Sent: 11:02 A.M]

The phone then flashed again, signaling another message had been sent.

[Sent From Legomaestro: And don’t think I’ve forgotten about that prank you played on me, punk! Expect a mouthful of fist when you come back! Sent: 11:03 A.M]

Fro cracked a smile after reading both messages.

“Mangaraiders huh… Sure has been a minute.”

Good people they were, he remembered. A little wacky, but good people nonetheless. He was a regular there at one point, and he enjoyed the bonds he forged with the other members. Unfortunately, his obsession over finding his mysterious friend Mary had led him astray from those bonds.

“I wonder how those guys are doing?” He said, musing to himself. “Maybe I should visit…”

But of course, his musing was cut short by a rumbling that felt like a earthquake, shaking him and everything else in his room. Alerted, Fro jetted to the window to look outside.

“Uh oh! Looks like it’s moving time.”


Off in the distance a swarm of blackness was rapidly storming it’s way towards the shed. Although still far away, Fro didn’t have to look too hard to figure out that the massive swarm of black was actually a horde of spam ninjas that somehow pinpointed his location. Fro sighed, knowing full well what was coming next.

“Man it hasn’t even been a full week  yet…”

He dashed from the window and quickly threw on his usual attire, along with a black scarf that he wore simply as an added fashion statement. On the way out, he grabbed a purple katana that was mounted on his wall and stored it inside a black sheath, which he then wrapped with black bandages on the side of his waist.

“I really need to start using this thing.” He said, shooting the blade a glance as he slammed the shed’s door shut behind him.

Now outside, Fro found himself to be completely surrounded by the army of spam ninjas. This didn't worry him in the slightest, though. Grinning, he snapped his fingers, triggering his shed behind him to poof into a single strand of hair, which he promptly stashed into the depths of his afro. In the next moment, he snapped his fingers again, but this time tendrils of hair spawned from multiple areas on his back. With his tendrils swaying behind him, he readied a fighting stance.

“Guess I can take out a few of these bastards before I bounce.”


And with that, Fro charged right through the horde like a mad bull, smacking away ninjas into the air with his tendrils as he stormed on to his next destination on the world wide Net.



---

Fro’s search for Mary has led him on many wild and unexpected adventures across the Net.

One time he ended up on some stranded island where the people there were role-playing as pirates searching for a ridiculous treasure named “Two Piece”. Another time he somehow ended up in a space simulator where he had to figure out how to pilot a giant robot in order to escape. And there was also that time he accidentally wandered into amazonian forest filled with radical, man-hating feminist, who captured him on sight and nearly executed him for defiling their sacred land.

He often tried his best not to remember that last adventure. He still had nightmares about being beaten by gigantic, yet oddly attractive women. And scars too.

And yet, despite his troubles, no gains were made in his years of searching. Still, he didn't give up. After all, much of his purpose for even living was to find Mary, even if it meant hopelessly traversing the net for even the smallest of clues. It was this reason alone that during the midst of his most recent adventure that he somehow ended up in a city called “Reddit”.

The city of Reddit was a hub city, and one of the largest hub cities on the Net to boot. In appearance, it was a metropolis of towering skyscrapers coated in a sharp silver. The city, because of its  sheer size, was divided into smaller communities called “Sub Reddits”, which were smaller cities sectioned off by portals. In the center was a forever bustling plaza filled with tourist and regulars, all being guided by red colored small robots acting as tour guides. From there, on the farer west side of the city lied a stretch of drinking establishments called “Search Bars”, where people can relax and have a few drinks while simultaneously having access to digital terminals that could transport them to any of the Sub Reddits with a tap of a finger.

After a brief walk around the city, Fro decided to stop at one of the search bars with hopes of discovering a possible lead on Mary. Entering through the doors, he noticed how packed the bar was. The front of the bar where the drinks were served was littered with joyous attendees indulging in drunken conversations, some even leading into screaming arguments. The various tables across the bar were also filled, and the humanoid shaped robots acting as servers and busboys could barely keep up with the turbelence of patrons and their piling request for booze and Moday’s Chicken parmesan special. There was also a faint sound of pop music playing in the background, but the cacophony of voices buzzing all around the bar made it impossible for Fro to hear any of it.

“No wonder they have more than one search bar.” Fro uttered with a sullen look on his face.

Suddenly, a red colored robot acting as a guest attendant approached him with a menu in one hand and a small metallic sphere resembling a pokeball in the other.

“Hello there and welcome  to the r/all search bar!!” The robot said in a cheerful tone matching that of a teenage female.

It handed over the menu and poke-shaped sphere to Fro, which he analyzed with questioning eyes. “Here is your menu and your personal search terminal. To activate the terminal, simply press the button located in the center of the sphere and a holographic panel  will appear. From there, you can use the digital keyboard to search the reddit database for a particular Sub Reddit that you may be interested in visiting, and from there you can use the Net links provided to teleport to that Sub Reddit. The search terminals also provide Net links outside of Reddit, but access to those destinations require additional fees. Also…”

The robot went on and on with explanations of terminal’s additional features, none of which Fro cared to listen to. Once the explanations were over and was greeted with the typical “Please enjoy your stay” line, Fro respectfully nodded at the robot and made his way to an empty stool at the front of the bar. On the way there, he noticed a small girl with long silver hair scurrying around the bar with a look of peril in her eyes. Although the sight seemed troublesome to Fro, she went strangely unnoticed by everyone else in the bar. After giving it a little more thought, he figured it was just a “bar” thing and ignored her.

“A shot of Ice cold orange Kool aid, please.” Fro proclaimed as he pulled up a stool.

It was an odd request, especially considering the fact that Kool aid being served in a bar was  unheard of. However, this didn’t seem too perplexing to the robotic bartender who was already whipping up his drink.  As this happened, Fro pressed the center button of his search terminal as instructed and to his amazement, a blue holographic panel appeared in front of him. Then with a tap of a finger, he pulled up the digital keyboard and began typing away on the screen.

“Ma-rie Ri-vers…” He enunciated as he spelt out the name.

The panel flashed and transitioned to a search results screen. Fro scrolled down on the page with the nagging anticipation of possibly finding an actual link to Mary’s location. Unfortunately, he was met with disappointing links to other locations with a
 similar names to Mary’s. Still though, interestingly enough, there was one link in particular that caught his attention, one that was titled “MUGEN request for Mary.Exe”

“Mugen? What the hell is a Mugen?”

Curious, Fro tapped on the link and was quickly met with an broken link error message flashing in red letters on the screen. He was annoyed by the sight, but ultimately shrugged his shoulders and brushed the holographic panel off to the side, now focusing his attention on the bartender who finally finished preparing his drink. The bartender slid the small glass over to Fro, which he promptly caught and began sipping from.

“Meh,” Fro said licking his lips with dissatisfaction. “Pub-Tan’s Kool aid is way better.”


Pub-Tan… One of the Tans of Mangaraiders, he remembered. The Kool aid he sipped was beginning to bring back memories. Familiar faces popped up in his head, which then reminded him of the message he received from his friend Lego earlier. Suddenly a strange idea came to him and he acted upon it without much thought.

“Man-ga rai-ders” He said as he typed on the holographic keyboard again.

He wasn’t expecting any actual results, although he was still curious. MR, from what he remembered, wasn’t a very well known city, and was fairly confident that not even the reddit database had a link or even information on MR for that matter. So of course, when the results screen popped up with a Net link to MR city, it was no shock that Fro eyes bulged from the unexpected surprise.

“MR is getting a little famous I see. Never thought I’d see the day.”

Still a more important question was puzzling him. He stroked his chin, deep in thought.

“I wonder who established this link, though. An old member? Hasith maybe? Definitely random…”

“YOU KNOW ABOUT MANGARAIDERS!?”

The sudden voice that came from behind startled him. He slowly turned around and saw the silver haired girl from earlier staring at him with her beady eyes. She was breathing hard, and the exasperated look on her face disturbed Fro to the point of awkwardness.

“Um yeah… sort of.” He responded in a uncomfortable tone.

“I-I’m sorry!” The girl blurted out while bowing her head in shame. “I overheard you mentioning mangaraiders and saw the link on your terminal screen. I didn’t mean to disturb you. I just couldn’t help myself!”


“It’s cool, just uh.. Relax, okay? Are you member there? And why are you so panicky? Did something happen?”

The girl was fidgeting. “Um well, sort of- I mean I’m new, but not really- I uh-”

“Slow down.” Fro said in a calm reassuring voice. “Start from the beginning.”

“Um okay… Me and a couple of friends were on our way to the city to join as new members, and then suddenly we were attacked by spam ninjas and-”

“Spam ninjas!?” Fro retorted with a look of concern. “What happened to your friends? Are they okay? How did you end up here?”

“I don’t know. When one of the ninjas attacked me I fell to the ground, which accidentally set off my Net transporter as a result. Somehow it transported me here, and now it doesn’t work anymore. I asked around for help but no wanted to help me.


The girl once again bowed her head, this time as a desperate plea for help.

“Please! If you know about Mangaraiders, then surely you must be able to help me. My friends are in danger and I don’t know any other way to save them!”

Fro’s sight fell to the ground upon hearing the girl’s plea for help. That desperate feeling of not wanting to lose those precious to her was something he could relate to. And the fact her story involved members of MR caused him to clench his fist with a fiery passion.

“I’ll help you out.” Fro said getting up from his stool.

“Will you really?”

“Yeah. I was thinking about visiting MR anyways. You said you’re transporter stopped working, right? I’ll pay for the Net link to get us there.

“Thank you so much, mister- uh”

“It’s Fro.” He said with a smile. And yours?”

“It’s Filia.

“Filia, huh…” The unique name snuck a grin out of Fro. He tapped on the MR Net link which prompted a confirmation message entailing the price of the transfer. The amount of zeros in the price made him cringe, since he knew he was gonna go broke as a result. Then again, it was for a greater good, he thought, and it was better than spending money on mediocre kool aid.

I guess Mary is gonna have to wait…

“Hold on.”

“Okay!”  Filia nodded as she tugged on Fro’s arm.

Fro tapped the link again, and upon doing so, he quickly vanished into thin air along with Filia, their bodies disintegrating into pixels of white code.

Author Comments, notes and ramblings(spoilers inbound)

Search Bars...

Get it? Because they're like bars where you can SEARCH up stuff!? HA!

*Slaps knee*

Corny jokes aside, the whole search bars, Net links and Net transporters bits were on the fly concepts that sort of just came to me while writing this. They're not fully fleshed out ideas by any means, so if they come off as kinda confusing, then just know they're some what confusing to me too.

If you guys want any clarifications on any of these ideas, I can make another post with an attempt to elaborate on these terms. Other than that, if you guys want to play around with these ideas in your own canon story, then feel free to add your own spin to them

Filia means princess in latin I think. If that's wrong, don't blame me, blame google translate.

Also, I want to add more non actual raiders to the Canon, which is why Filia is being introduced. More non actual raiders may be introduced later.

Pub-Tan's Kool Aid is fire by the way. On a further note though, is there a bar out there in the world that actually serves Kool aid? I don't drink alcohol, but a bar serving Kool aid would have me hooked instantly.

Also, there's actually link to mangaraiders on one of the sub reddit forums on Reddit. Not sure if a member posted it or not, but I found it interesting and it relates to the story so who cares, I guess. https://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/2vu6n/mangaraiders_manga_anime_forum_manga_anime/

Also, also, my writing is trash. Just felt the need to say that.

That's all I got for now folks. Next chapter coming soon... Hopefully...


Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Coryn on January 25, 2018, 09:04:43 PM
Scary. The idea that we're on Reddit that is. Honestly I expected more people being shot at in your depiction. The little robots were a cute idea.

Non actual raider Raiders is an interesting idea. Although I'd hate to see the Canon bogged down with them personally speaking. Although we certainly find ourselves at a loss for new members to write about and actually, y'know, do them justice.

To be honest though, this Fillia strikes me as being a trap, and not in the fun way.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Fronomenal on January 25, 2018, 09:55:20 PM
Thanks for the read Coryn. MR being on reddit is kinda random, ain't it? Plus the tittle of the post mentions something about a top site list? Double random.

I agree with you on the lack of new members to write about. Getting Raider participation on producing canon content or just having members being interested period has always been a struggle. I'll refrain from adding too many non raider characters, though. That would kinda take away from the appeal of the Canon in the first place, me thinks.

Not sure what definition of trap you're referring to, but in either case, Filia is 99% not a trap. She will play an important role in the canon in another story. But for now she's just chilling.

Also, I find it ironic that I was listening to the happy hour podcast yesterday where you mentioned that you're a fast reader and that you read a Harry Potter book in ten hours, and here you are now responding to my story literally five minutes after I posted it lol.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Coryn on January 25, 2018, 11:09:30 PM
Being a fast reader is the only way I can consume so many stories and still have a job. It's an excellent skill to have.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: legomaestro on January 26, 2018, 07:05:53 AM
Amen to that.

I've got to say your writing improved a tic there Frono. Don't know what you did in this chapter but keep on doing it. The search bar thing was actually a stroke of genius. Need more of that to explain certain Canon elements for sure haha.

I think it was sort of an unwritten agreement not to have OCs come into the mix, because that'd be insane. Although in Mortal Combat I think I did make some fodder characters to be chewed up and spit out, but the sheer potential of every Raider coming up even just five characters each would make Canon impossibru.

If they're from a written story universe though it works ala Echo's story or WhiteCrows

- I laughed at that afro strand for a house thing. I don't know what witchcraft you've been practicing but that's some shady ish right there!
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: eukocar on January 26, 2018, 07:56:38 AM
99% not an trap  :hmm: . I like the odds.

Good job on the story. 
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Fronomenal on January 26, 2018, 08:37:58 PM
@Lego: Thanks man! Hearing you say I've improved means a lot to me, seriously. I'm not sure of what I did differently this time around myself to be honest. Maybe it's because I took my time with the editing process, I guess? Whatever the case may be, I'll be sure to keep on improving.

I didn't know it was an unwritten rule to not include OCs in MR canon. I get why though. However, for story purposes, you guys gonna have to let my girl Filia slide for now. I'm telling yall she's cool people, you'll love her.  ;)

And man I think it's obvious that my character is just a shady person in general, Lego. To elaborate on the shed thing though, Fro can morph his hair into anything he wants, and can compress his afro made objects into single strands of hair as an added convenience. So if he wanted to, Fro can create an exact replica of MR City and  compress it into a strand of hair that he can store in his afro for later use, whatever the hell that use may be. Granted, because it's hair, the materials won't be the same, but you get the idea.

And the added layer on top of that ability is his power stealing shenanigans. But I'm pretty sure you're already familiar with that skill. *Wink* *Wink*

In essence, Fro is a pretty complicated character. And to be honest, I myself haven't even fully explored his character yet.

@Eukocar: Thanks a bunch! It's cool to see a new face taking an interest in my stories and the MR canon too. I'll be sure to keep the good work coming.   

Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Fronomenal on January 29, 2018, 10:34:36 AM
So no new chapter updates or anything like that, however I did want to share this sketch my friend drew of my Fronomenal character awhile back, about four of five years back I think. Originally I had told him that I loved the design, but the clothes didn't match with the original appearance I had in mind for Fronomenal. And funny enough, now that I sort of changed Fro's appearance, this sketch is actually kinda spot on with what I want my character to look like now lol.

Also, fun fact: He created a profile here years ago, but never got around to actually using it. Which is a real shame because I did honestly felt like the artist here would've gave him some real valuable tips on improving his art. But hey, he had a reason and I understood it. This place isn't for everybody I guess.   

Spoiler
(https://i.pinimg.com/564x/b1/4f/4c/b14f4cab7c5605c4ee79970c803b31a0.jpg)

Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: legomaestro on January 29, 2018, 06:08:05 PM
Geh, now I'm super curious about who it was and why they didn't stick around. Nice work there though for sure. He feels really like he's standing in place and the arm looks on the thin side but it feels well proportioned.

Highschooler Fro looking ready to sit on the back-window-seat like a proper shounen protagonist haha
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Fronomenal on January 31, 2018, 08:58:45 PM
I remember him saying something about not really knowing how to really get started with the mingling and all that. That, and I think he just generally felt like this place wasn't his kind of vibe, whatever that meant at the time. Vague I know, but I kinda understood it.

And man anything but the typical classroom back-window-seat haha! He does look like highschooler though, funny enough. I always thought the backpack was cool, but I still wonder to this day why the hell did he draw him with a backpack!?

Regardless, that image would go great with High-school Fro in the MR Visual Novel, Lego.  ;) ;)

Side Note:
Spoiler
Wasn't I mentioned in the VN as a promoter of some underground Fightclub? It's been awhile since I read it.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Coryn on January 31, 2018, 10:39:56 PM
That was definitely a thing. In fact it became a whole set piece towards the end. I did end up finishing the script, but VN fell into something of development hell.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: legomaestro on February 01, 2018, 07:42:26 AM
*Steps out of room full of screaming and the smell of sulphur

Can confirm

*Returns to room


I'm the main issue here atm. Just so lazy at plugging in the script. But when I get over that hurdle it'll be a purely asset-based problem. I'm working on it though.

Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Fronomenal on February 26, 2018, 10:11:24 PM
Home Again

Mahlua was trying her best to fend off the invading spam ninjas that swarmed the desert outskirts of MR city. Taking care of a few pesky ninja would normally be an easy task for a raider of her level. An infinite number of spam ninjas however, was an entirely different story.

”Geez, they just keep coming!” She said while trying to catch her breath. Sweat was profusely pouring down her face as she stared with dismay at the collective mass of black looming ahead of her. Part of her wanted to run away and scream for backup. Another part of her wished that the spam ninjas would just give up and go away. Regardless, she knew she had to stand her ground. Especially considering she had to protect the two individuals behind her.

She turned to the left just enough to check up on the frightened individuals behind her while still keeping a careful eye on the advancing spam ninjas in front. They were both teenagers- a girl and boy respectively- and both were shivering with terror at the sight of the ninja horde ahead of them. Mahlua sighed, unable to hide the disappointment on her face. She didn’t mind playing the role of rescuer. But a little help from her fellow raiders would’ve been nice.

“Hey you two,” Mahlua began, still keeping her eye on the advancing horde. “It would be best if you guys get out of here.”

“But what about our friend?” The girl teen spoke out.

“Yeah,” said the other half of the pair. “Our friend might come back looking for us.”

“But you said her transporter accidentally set off, right?”  Mahlua said, while bashing away ninjas with her fist as they pounced on her. “It’s no telling where that thing may have teleported her to. It’s possible that she may not be able to return right away, knowing how those things work.

“Yeah but-”

Mahlua batted away a couple of more ninjas before fully turning around to address the two teens.

“Listen you two, I understand that you want to stay and wait for your friend, but at this point staying here would be too dangerous. I suggest leaving now and catching up with your friend later. If she shows up though, I’ll be sure to let her know you guys got away safely.

The two teens looked at each other and nodded affirmatively after a few seconds of contemplation.

“Should we go?” The girl asked the boy.

“Yeah,” The boy responded. “I’m pretty sure we can find Filia later. Besides, this place is way too crazy for me.”

With that, the pair both pulled out a grey, cubed shaped device from their pockets and tapped the center of their respective device. Upon activation, the cubes casted a flash of white light over their owners forms, and in the next instant the pair vanished into streaks of thinning light. Mahlua sighed, relieved that one of her problems was now resolved.

“Kinda wish I had one of those right about now…”


Quickly turning back around she was greeted by a spam ninja aiming its sword at her head with a downwards swing. She sidestepped to the left and countered with a knee to the ninja’s stomach, knocking it away out of commission. More ninja from the frontal row of the horde lunged forward at her, and they were all done away with a flurry of swift kicks, courtesy of Mahlua’s boot. She was doing well at holding the ninjas off, but the ninjas were respawning at an alarming rate. At this point, retreating was her best option, and possibly her own only option.

Suddenly, as if her earlier wishes were being granted, a phalanx of hair tendrils swooped through the horde from the right and began slicing unsuspecting ninjas in half with quick and erratic swings. Within seconds the wild tendrils had wiped out nearly a quarter of the spam ninja army. Mahlua watched on with a puzzling expression on her face, unsure of where the tendrils were coming from. As the tendrils began to retract, she followed their movements with focused eyes, and noticed that the tendrils were retracting into the back of a afro haired figure slowly approaching her.

“Who is that?” Mahlua questioned with blinking eyes. As the figure came into view, she noticed the person approaching her was a man dressed rather stylishly with an afro that was surprisingly as large as Lego’s. Walking alongside him was a small girl with silver hair, who Mahlua discerned as the ‘friend’ the teenagers from earlier were mentioning, going off of their descriptions of her. Mahlua wasted no time in barraging the pair with questions when they finally reached her.

“Who are you?” Mahlua said, crossing her arms.

“Your help obviously.” Fronomenal replied snarkily.

Mahula rolled her eyes. “Wow, rude much?”

“Says the chick who wasn't even thanked me for helping her! And I was just teasing ya, no need to get all hot and bothered about it.”

As they bickered, Filia walked past Mahlua and looked around the desert area for a moment before turning back around to her. “Excuse me, were there any other people here?”

Mahlua kneeled down to meet Filia at eye level. “You must be Filia,” she began, greeting her with a gentle smile. “Don’t worry, you friends managed to escape safely.”

“Really?” cheered Filia, her face bursting with happiness. She bowed. “Thank you miss er-”

“It’s Mahluaand, but you can call Mahlua or Lua if you want. And you…” Mahlua stood upright and shot a glare at Fro, still remembering his snarky comment from moments ago. “What’s your name mister afro boy wonder?”

Fro shrugged, a little annoyed by Lua’s comment. “‘Afro boy wonder is a bit of reach dontcha think? And it’s Fro, by the way.”

“Fro?” Mahlua raised a brow. “Are you being ‘Fro’ real?”

“Was that a pun?”

“It’s a habit.”

As they talked more spam ninjas were appearing. They rose from underneath the desert sands like zombies rising from their graves. Fro’s earlier assault seemed to not have mattered much, as the ninja army numbers were quickly replenishing by the second, and were now marching towards the group with their collective stomps creating a rumbling across the desert.

“Gosh they’re like roaches!” Mahlua growled. “You step on one and another one comes crawling right behind it.”

“How come you’re the only person from MR here?” Questioned Fro.

“Because I was the only person available to help. Everyone else was busy with whatever they were doing. Hey wait a minute…” Mahlua shot another suspicious glare at Fro. “How did you know I was a raider?”

“Your badge.” Said Fro, pointing at the golden Hero’s emblem that was emblazoned on the shoulder of her shirt.

“My hero badge? Wait that must mean-” As she was coming to her realization Fro pulled on the right of his jacket to the side, revealing his own custom made Hero emblem that was pinned on his shirt. Upon seeing it, she flashed Fro a sly smile. “One of the old guards, eh?”

“I’m not that old.”

The spam ninja were now only inches away from the group. Collectively, in a sort of rhythm, they all waived their swords to their sides, and even though their faces were hidden in the veil of their face masks, you could tell they were grinning with malicious intent. Fro and Mahlua both readied their guards, while Filia cowered in fear behind Fro, tugging on his jacket as tight as she could.

“You got a plan, Fro?”

“Yeah I do actually. You stay back and watch over Filia while I’ll take care of them.”

“What!? There’s no way you can handle all of them by yourself.”

“Of course not. That’s what my hair is for.”

“Huh?”

“Just watch…”

Mahlua had wanted to ask what Fro meant by his statement, but could only manage a look of bewilderment as Fro proceeded with his strange course of action. Walking forward, he dug into his afro and ripped out a large patch of hair from it. Mahlua and Filia both cringed at the sight, wondering how anyone could just carelessly rip out their own hair like that without worrying about potentially going bald. In the next moment Fro curled the patch of hair in his hand into a solid, small hairball, molding it as if it was clay. Then, he chugged the hairball like a fastball pitch into the crowd of ninjas, smacking a couple in the face as it landed in the middle of the horde. All of the ninjas turned to observe the hairball, curious as to what it was supposed to do.

“Hey, just what are you-” Mahlau began, but she was quickly cut off by finger snap, followed by a massive explosion that sounded off with a thunderous boom that rumbled the entire desert. The denotation seemed almost instant, and Mahlua nor Fillia did not have much time to comprehend what Fro had done as they were too busy shielding their eyes from the combined shockwave of sand and wind flaring up and blowing across their faces. When rumbling had subsided and the smoke cleared, a deep crater could be seen where the army of ninjas once stood. The entire army had been wiped out, leaving only charred remains of burnt clothing buried in the sand.

Mahlua and Filia stood idle with their eyes wide and their jaws dropped in comical fashion. Fro on the other hand, was snickering at the sight of his handiwork, turning towards the others with a cheesy smile on his face.

“And that’s what my hair is for.”


---

“Wait a minute let me get this straight,” Fro began, leaning forward to look Mahlua dead in her eyes, but not so much to accidentally push himself off the edge of the MR skyscraper he was sitting atop of. “You’re telling me you guys almost succeeded in the last panty raid!?”

Mahlua, who had been sitting cross-legged next to Fro, nodded proudly. “Yup! And we were so close too. Turns out the panties at the highest level of the tower was just a setup for us to fight the twins at their full strength over at EcchiWorld. Failure pretty much ensued afterwards. Lego almost got ate by a dragon, I got my arse kicked by a nega version of myself, and Coryn unleashed his bankai only to lose to Ecchi-Tan after the fact.”


Mahlua leaned back to stare at the sky for a moment, fondly reflecting on the epic raid. “Even though we lost, it was probably the greatest raid MR has ever seen.

“Damn!” Fro cursed, smacking his lips in disappointment. “I’m never around for the good stuff.”

“Well there’s always this year  y’know? We could always use more manpower. Those afro powers of yours could actually come in handy.”

Fro scratched his afro, seeming to contemplate on the thought for a moment. “Yeah well, I would, but I’m gonna have to take a pass. If I’m gonna spend a night with one of the twins I’m gonna do it the traditional way.

“The traditional way?”

“Traditional as in taking them out on a date. I rather have a drink tossed in my face than a bokken to the back.”

“True that.”

Time seemed to have flew by as the two raiders conversed with one another on a variety of subjects. Their interaction in the desert had stirred an air of iffiness between them at first, but upon arriving back at MR they quickly found each other to be quite likable. Mahlua’s chatterbox nature had made keeping up conversation easy for Fro, since all he had to do was listen. And Mahula, well aware of her own tendencies, had a secret appreciation for Fro’s listening skills, feeling more than comfortable to wear his eardrums out with whatever topics that were swirling through her head at the moment.

As the conversation continued on, they both noticed Filia and Hasith strolling through the streets down below. Filia’s face seemed to have been bursting with joy as she skipped along happily,  while Hasith tailed behind her with his hand massaging the back of his neck, sighing heavily as he struggled to keep up with her.

“Mr. Hasith,” said Filia coming to a stop to point at a lone guest spectre that had been standing on the side of the street. “What is this thing?”

“That is a guest spectre, Filia.”

“Guest spectre?”

“Yes,” Hasith adjusted the headband covering his eye. “They are the soulless remnants of non members. Think of them as leftover data ammased into a physical, human shape.

“Soulless… leftover data?”

“Was my explanation hard to understand?”

“No, it's just that…”

Filia stepped closer to the idle spectre, almost carefully, and held out her hand to touch it. She gently pressed her hand against the chest of the matte gray, solid shape. Her face darkened upon contact.

“I think everything has a soul…” she muttered in almost cold voice.

Hasith raised a brow. “I'm sorry?”

Filia’s face lit up in surprise, as if she snapped out of a tranced state.

“Oh no, I'm sorry!” She blurted out as she took an apologetic bow. “I don't know what just came over me just now, hehe.”

Hasith wasn't sure how to respond to a innocent young girl suddenly switching character, so he did what any confused person would do: he stared.

Filia, having recognized the awkwardness of the situation, smiled innocently and changed the subject.

“Mr. Hasith, let's continue with the rest of the tour. I really want to see that pub you mentioned earlier!”

And with that she happily skipped along down the street, leaving Hasith to fester in his confusion. He turned his attention to the guest spectre that Filia touched, still as stoic and soulless as before. A heavy sigh escaped him.

“She's definitely an odd one. I may have to keep an eye on her. If she's who I think she is then-” Hasith stopped himself and shook his head. “Gah! I’m getting ahead of myself. It's best not to make assumptions so early.”

He walked.

Back on the skyscrapers above, Fro and Mahula both looked on with puzzled expressions from what they just observed. Fro, who had been scratching his afro the whole time, especially.

“That's weird. Never seen Hasith act as a tour guide before. Is that like some new thing he's doing?”

Mahlua shook her head. “No, or at least I don't think so. I sure didn’t get one.

“Hmm… Well, no big deal I guess. At least Filia is enjoying herself. It's cool that she decided to become a raider.”

“Yeah… Oh!” Mahlua shouted as if she just remembered something important. “Fro, you said you used to battle the mods all the time in Mortal Combat, right? What was that like?

Fro eyes blinked and he leaned back to stare into the sky for a moment. He smiled.
 
“It was honestly the most fun I’ve had during my time here. Actually now that I think about, it was kind of the only reason I even stuck around for as long as I did back then.”

“Really?”

“Yeah…” Fro laid on his back with his arms folded behind his head. “You probably guessed this, but I really do have a fondness for fighting. Hell, I’m pretty sure it has become an addiction at this point.”

“And Mortal Combat was the perfect place to get your fix, huh?”

Fro snickered. “Yeah, but it wasn’t just that though. In a way it brought me closer to a lot of the other members that used to hang around this place. It sounds crazy, but punching people in face was how I made friends back in the day.”

Fro closed his eyes, the smile on his face slowly shrinking into a subtle grin. He sat up.

“But… Mortal Combat ended and a lot of the raiders I met there left the city. It sucked, but all great things come to an end I guess. Still though, there were some things I never got to do. Beating Coryn one on one was one of those things. Thirty one to zero never sat well with me.”

Mahlua laughed. “Well, I did hear he was something of a god back in his prime.”

“He was… Or at least in Mortal Combat he was. Regardless he was a nightmare to fight. And then there were guys like Lego. Furball was pretty strong himself, but at least he was more manageable than God mode Coryn. Which reminds me…”

Fro reached in his pocket and pulled out his smartphone. After a few taps on the screen he arrived at the message that Lego had sent him earlier in the week. He decided to reply.

[Sent From Fronomenal: If you really want payback from last time, then meet me over at Bungie. Sent: 2:03 P.M]

After sending the message, he stood up and stretched for a few seconds before turning to Mahlua.

“Welp, it’s been fun, but it’s time for me to dip.” Fro extended his hand out to Mahlua, gesturing for a friendly handshake. “It was nice getting to know you Ms. Milk. We should spar sometime. I’m curious about those lightning powers you were telling me about.”

Mahlua shook his hand with a heartwarming smile on he face. “Likewise. And don’t worry, I’ll let you know all about ‘em. I hope you don’t mind that afro of yours looking fried cotton candy!”

“Heh, we’ll see about that. Oh yeah, before I forget…”

Fro kneeled down and plucked a strand of hair from Mahlua’s head. Mahlua jerked back and shrieked reactively.

“Ow, what was that for?”

“You had something in your hair,” he lied, stuffing the long strand of pink into the depths of his afro. “See ya!”

Before Mahlua could respond, Fro disappeared, leaving behind a strand of hair floating in his place. Mahlua massaged her temple, still feeling a little bit of pain.

“So weird…”   

Author's quick comments and fun facts (Potential spoilers)

I'm team Lewd-Tan by the way.

Filia is innocent I swear.

That mention about Coryn beating my character 31-0 in Mortal Combat was an exaggeration.

If Coryn actually defeated me 31 times in a one on one I'm pretty sure I would've deleted my account after loss 31.

If you read "The Strand of Truth" I would assume you know what I did there at the end of this chapter.   

My dialogue needs a lot of work. I feel I get too caught up in character exchanges sometimes.

I'm two chapters away from finishing not only my first ever story project, but my first MR canon as well. I usually give up on my stories after chapter two, so finishing this chapter gives me a lot of hope for myself. Fingers crossed.

Until next time guys...




Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Coryn on February 26, 2018, 10:33:46 PM
I don't know Fro. Did anyone ever take the time to actually count. I think you might be pretty close with that estimate of yours. Not that I couldn't beat you now as well, of course  :sure:


Interesting chapter, although I'm not entirely believing that Fillia is entirely innocent. You can never fully trust an NPC.

I look forward to the conclusion!
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Fronomenal on March 01, 2018, 06:46:04 AM
Haha! Well Coryn that open invitation I announced in the Nuances of Battle is still very much open. I'm pretty sure you're a little too busy for something like that now, but if you're ever interested in catching these hands then let me know. I could use the writing practice.

Thanks for the read though man. Conclusion should be coming soon.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: eukocar on March 01, 2018, 10:39:50 AM
great job on the chapter :clapping:. 

cant wait for the conclusion!
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Coryn on March 01, 2018, 10:33:01 PM
I'll be house sitting for my parents over memorial day weekend. Lots of time on my hands to laze about and write you into oblivion.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Fronomenal on March 03, 2018, 01:49:42 PM
@eukocar: Glad to know you're still reading. Thanks man!

@Coryn: *Marks date on calendar* I'll be looking forward to it.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: MahluaandMilk on March 07, 2018, 04:12:10 PM
(Gets to scene in which MRverse me meets you)
HA. You have written me well.

Glad to see that MRverse is picking something up again. I look forward to the final two chapters. Just don't have too much fun with what you left open there at the end.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Fronomenal on March 08, 2018, 08:18:48 PM
Haha I'm glad you like my portrayal of you. Working out your dialogue was a real concern of mine so I made sure to throw a pun in there to remain on the safe side.

And don't worry, I won't have too much fun with what I left open at the end. Not in this canon at least. Future cannon however...

*Laughs evilly*

Glad to see ya back though Mahlua! Not gonna lie, was missing ya a lil bit.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: legomaestro on April 11, 2018, 04:23:38 PM
I think I'm more horrified of the idea of a hair strand in the hands of Frono than in a witch like Mahlua. What are you cooking up there with that plan man?

Chill chapter. Good stuff. I'm surprised Mahlua didn't phasebolt-cook the spam ninjas, but good stuff. Your afro is a dangerous weapon (mine is still bigger, but yeah good trick stuff there man.)

Also - *Spawns smartphone* [Come die you son of an english dub]

Action has improved. You hit and miss sometimes but yeah overall pretty good. Easy to follow everything, and dialogue flows. Like Mahlua, I can also tell you've read the hell out of the canon so kudos there too.

Looking forward to the conclusion!
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Fronomenal on April 11, 2018, 07:34:07 PM
Thanks Lego. I do feel like with every chapter I'm improving. Unfortunately I sort of took a break and I feel as though my writing is suffering a little bit as a result, but it shouldn't take too long to get the gears turning again.

I admit I still haven't figured out how to properly pace my action scenes. I've been searching for source material to go off of, but I haven't found a good book to use as a reference.

And I'm not really planning anything with the hair strand thing. *Sike* *cough* I'm just collecting hair strands to hang my wall is all.  ;) 
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Coryn on April 11, 2018, 10:51:31 PM
Suspicious.  :glare:

Hurry up and get the next chapter out Fro. At this rate even my busy self is going to surpass your production levels.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Fronomenal on April 12, 2018, 08:46:18 PM
Well my writing process is very slow. A typical first draft for a chapter from me isn't pumped out in one session, but rather over a period of days, sometimes even a week or two if I get lazy.

But excuses are excuses, and I'm no exception. Chapter is being worked on. Should be done by the middle of next week. You can hold me to that.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Coryn on April 12, 2018, 11:06:50 PM
Consider yourself held.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: legomaestro on April 15, 2018, 11:44:55 AM
Will fronomenal manage to beat the deadline? Or will he lose his eternal soul in the depths of the nefarious Science Division's Hell Department?

Coming soon to a thread near you.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Fronomenal on April 15, 2018, 02:07:49 PM
*Cues the official anime ending theme for MR Canon stories. Whatever the hell that may be*

Funny enough, the Science Division plays a small part into what I'm planning for the conclusion of this story. But all will be revealed in due time.

Oh yeah,  neglected to mention that Wednesday is what I meant by middle of the week. So if I don't drop anything by that time then yeah... Hell Department it is then.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Coryn on April 15, 2018, 03:08:34 PM
Don't go naming my sub-sections such terrifying sounding things. Only I get to do that.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Fronomenal on April 18, 2018, 10:47:11 PM
Literally just finished the chapter. Spent the last four hours working on it. Unfortunately, it's long and it reads like trash, so gonna have to do some heavy editing. Might even split it into two chapters. Would love to do it now, but I still gotta work out and get enough sleep for work in the morning. Will be posting tomorrow.

Quick note to self. Never thought personal deadlines could increase my productivity. Gotta set more personal deadlines.     
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Fronomenal on April 19, 2018, 09:09:58 PM
Alright. After a long delay, here it is. This chapter is by far the longest and it's dialogue heavy, so be prepared for that. The chapter after this one will be the conclusion of this story, which I'm really looking forward to write. Until then, enjoy chapter 4 everybody!

A New Purpose

     “Mary, what are you-” A young Fronomenal uttered, trembling to the very bone.

     All around him was blackness, only a faint light highlighting his form. His eyes, bulged to the point popping out, were focused solely on the blond haired girl standing a few meters ahead with her back turned towards him. Fro took a step towards her, but the shock that overtook him rendered him unable to take another.

     “Mary!” He called the girl’s name, but no response. He was so overturned with emotion that he felt his voice cracking as he shouted her name. “Mary!” He shouted again, but the result was the same. She simply stood idle, refusing to answer his call.

     The tears in his eyes bubbled and slowly slid down his cheeks. “Mary, what happened to you? Why are you doing this? Why did you turn your back on us!?”

     The flurry of words echoed across the endless black, but still she did not move.

     “Mary, please… ANSWER ME!”

     And to his surprise, she turned around, almost mockingly. Her face was cold and expressionless, and Fro could the feel the sharpness of her blue eyes staring into his soul, stabbing it as if they were blades. She walked towards him, her every step slow and meaningful. As she approached, Fro wanted to move, but couldn’t, as if the fear he felt him froze him in place. Everything he once believed was shattering before his very eyes in the form of the young blond in front of him.

     When she finally reached him she grabbed on his shirt, softly, and pulled him close enough for her lips to grace the tips of his ears. Fro could barely breathe, let alone react. The moment felt so surreal, feeling stuck in state between dream and reality and wasn't sure which was real.

     Yet, when Mary whispered coldly in his ears, for a split second he knew, his entire world had flipped upside down.

     “Don’t worry Seiah, you’re saved now…”

     As she whispered those strange words, Fro eyes were shot with terror as his body slowly disintegrated into tiny pieces, fading away into nothingness.

---

     Fronomenal eyes shot open.

     The lush green of grass he had been laying on danced to gentle breeze of the blowing wind. He found himself staring into the starry night sky. He sighed.

     “That dream again…”

     He sat up and stared off into space. That scene… He tried to erase it from his thoughts, but that haunting image stayed with him, etched deeply not just only in his mind, but in the very fiber of his being.

     “I want to forget it, but… I can’t.”

     The vast field of Bungie seemed endless in it’s expanse, so did the sky. The beauty of the present was right in front of him, and yet all he could do was stare blankly into space, into his past. If he continued to chase after it, he would remain stuck in an endless loop of pain and anguish, and as his vision began to go blurry from staring blankly so hard, he questioned if that was worth it anymore.

     “Oi, Frono!” A familiar voice called out to him. “Long time no see.”

     Fro snapped back to reality upon hearing the voice, but did not bother to turn around to see who it was. He knew it was Lego standing behind him, afro, facemask and all. He grinned.

     “Long time no see indeed, homie.”

     A brief silence, a silence that was common between the two. They both knew what was coming next.

     “Y’know Lego, I know you’re still salty about last time, but you did win our last fight. That wasn’t enough for you?”

     “Ha! Of course not. You think a shallow win like that could make up for what you did to me? And besides, I won, but not the way I wanted to. I admit, I regret not taking you seriously back then.”

     Lego swung his arm to the right and as he did so, a femto katana materialized in his hand. Electricity began to swirl around him as he released a surge of energy that rippled the very space around him.

     “You ready, baldy?”

     Fro slowly rose to his feet, matching Lego’s power surge with a force of energy of his own. Hair tendrils spawned from multiple areas on his back as he stood up. He finally turned around, a confident smile on his face.

     “Yeah I’m ready alright… Ready to whoop yo ass!”

---

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmVnsFSZSfw
   
      The two raiders laid next to one another in a beaten heap. Scratches and bruises, some ripped clothing here and there, and yet, both seemed to be at ease as they stared into night sky, letting their eyes get lost in the stars. For a world created solely for battle, it was surprisingly serene.

     “Hey Frono,” Lego began, his eyes still fixated on the sky above. “Why did you choose this place for our fight?”

     Fro shrugged. “Just felt like it was appropriate. It’s no mortal combat, but in a way it works.”

     “Went for that Nostalgic feel, eh?”

     “Sort of. The vibe is a little off, but the memories come back all the same.”

     Lego smiled. “Yeah, I hear ya. Sken did put a lot of work in creating this place for us raiders to kill each other. Too bad it never popped off like Mortal Combat.”

     “Didn’t Coryn dropped the ‘Sken’ in his name?”

    “He did, but I still say it out of habit sometimes.”

     Silence, followed by a breeze so chilling that the two raiders felt it in their very bones. It was a silence well understood. Sometimes you just have to take in the atmosphere in a moment like this, and they both knew that. Of course, it had to be broken eventually, especially when there’s questions needed to be asked. And Lego had plenty of questions.

     “Y’know Frono, you never explained why you disappeared for so long.

     Fro gave Lego a half baked smile. “Yeah… I haven't… have I?

     “...”

     “...”

     Lego sat up to look Fro dead in his eyes, not willing to play the silent game with him anymore.

     “Well? What gives man? Spill the beans already!”

     Fro looked over to Lego for a second before looking away in a sort of shame. Now that he thought about it, he never once told anyone at MR about his tragic past. It was mostly due to his introverted nature- No, it was because of his past. The idea of the people he felt close to turning their back on him, was something he couldn’t bear again. It made him paranoid, afraid. Sure he was always friendly with others, but there was a line he refused to let them cross.

     And yet, when it came to MR he had a soft spot. He had gotten close with his fellow raiders more than he would had liked to, and funny enough, it wasn’t until his return that he realized how attached he was to the place. It was a weird feeling to him, but it also made him smile.

     I guess there’s no sense in holding back anymore…

     “I’m looking for someone…” Fro said finally, sitting up.

     “Really?” Lego raised a brow. “Who exactly? A friend? A long lost lover?”

     “You can say it’s an old friend, but-” Fro paused, not really sure how to properly explain his feelings on Mary.

     “But?”

     Fro sighed. “Lets just say, we were homies at one point, things happened which caused us to drift apart, and now I’m searching for her to get some closure.”

     He neglected to mention the whole betrayal part, but hey, telling Lego this much was good progress for him.

     “Ah a she, eh? Long lost lover it is then.”

     “Say that again and I’ll break your neck.” Fro retorted, actually sounding a little bit serious.

     Lego laughed. “Relax man, I’m just messing around. So, how long have you been searching for her?”

     “To be honest  I lost track of the years. It feels like its been ages now.”

     “Do you think she’s still out there, Frono?”

     “I wouldn’t be searching for her if I thought she wasn’t.”

     “Good point.”
 
     Even as Fro said that, there was sliver of doubt nagging at him. Hearing himself talk about it made him feel so foolish. Searching for Mary… What for? Closure? Revenge? At this point in his life was it even worth it anymore? Maybe, he thought, talking to Lego about it could help him figure out the answer.

     “I searched damn near the entire Net for her, Lego. I traveled from city to city, stumbled upon alternate dimensions, and even ended up in outer space somehow, and even after all that, I still haven’t found her. It’s been so long that honestly, I wonder if I should just move on, ya know what I mean?”

     Lego looked away from Fro to gaze upon infinite sky. But he wasn’t just looking at the sky, he was looking far beyond it.

     “I sort of get what you mean. In a way I can relate to those feelings of your.”

     “You can?”

     “Yeah… I remember long ago, I too was questioning my purpose in life. I was the offspring of two alien super beings, a product of greatness programmed to devour planets and conquer the entire universe. And yet, when I set out to accomplish my directive I was met with overwhelming failure, and after a while I just got tired of it all. I was lonely and very depressed. I felt as though I didn’t have a purpose anymore. That’s when I decided to change my life. I decided to start over.”

     Start over…?

     “And that’s when I found the Net and the all awesome things that came with it. I discovered anime and art, and exotic tasting foods and beer. It was all so weird to me at first, but I eventually came to love it all. My life had meaning again, a meaning that wasn’t enforced upon me by my past. And to top it all off, I found MR- friends, friends I can share my newfound passions with. It was then I realized that starting over was the best decision I ever made.”

     Is it even possible for me to do something like that?

     “I’m not sure what exactly happened between you and your friend Frono, or how serious of a falling out you two had, but keep in mind that it’s okay to find something else in your life worth living for. I’m not saying to give up your search entirely, but maybe a temporary change of direction could do you some good.”

     And it was then, Fro remembered what The Observer told him.

     “In the meantime, you should try to find something to distract you from your search. Give yourself a break. Perhaps finding a new purpose in your life will do you some good…”

     “I hate it when that old fart is right sometimes…”

     “Huh? You say something, Frono?”

     Fro grinned. “Don’t mind me dawg, just talking to myself.”

     Fro stood up and stared off into the horizon. His clothes flapped as the night breeze blew across the field. It was refreshing. Everything seemed different to him now, as if the entire world around him had changed. For the first time in years, Fro no longer saw his past, only his future.

     “Hey Lego, thanks. I needed that.”

     “Don’t mention it, baldy. Have you figured what you’re gonna do next?”

     “Naw, not yet. I know now I should move on, but what to move on to is still a mystery to me. But…”  Fro balled up his fist and clenched it as hard as he could. It shook, but this time it wasn’t out of rage, just sheer determination. “I’ll figure it out eventually.”

     “I’m sure you will. In the meantime brush up on your skills, man. It felt like I was fighting a hairy slug!”

     Fro scoffed. “Ha! It only felt like that because I was holding back. I would feel bad if I’d ever went all out against you, furball. Wouldn’t wanna go to net prison for animal cruelty.”

     “Sounds like an excuse for a loss.”

     “That’s because it is.” Fro gave Lego a sly smile and a thumbs up. “See ya around, homie.”

     And with that, Fro vanished, leaving behind his signature hair Strand floating in his place. Lego stood up and stared ahead into the horizon himself, letting a smile escape him. Although he hated to admit it, him and Fro had more in common than just extremely large afros. Still…

     “Mine is still bigger, hehe!”

---

     It was thinking time for the Fronomenal One.

     And what better place to think than an extremely tall MR skyscraper?

     So Fro, with his hand glued to his chin, stuck in a thinking pose that resembled a sophisticated statue, sat on the tallest skyscraper he could find and remained there for hours, motionless, just thinking.

     The initial thought was simple: Now that he knew it was time to move on from his past, his main concern now was to figure out a way he could devote the majority of his time and energy into something more constructive, something that not only could help him, but help others around him as well.

     And of course, the best place to do that was MR after all.

     Now all this may sound simple right? Unfortunately for Fro, it wasn’t, for he was an overthinker, and pretty much every idea he came up with didn’t have the best possible outcome.

     The first idea he thought of was possibly interning for the science division. It would be a nice change of pace for him, and he was pretty sure the unique biology of his hair strands could advance Coryn’s research greatly. The possibility of becoming a test subject turned him off from the thought, however, and the added idea of Coryn barraging him with scientific terms that were more than twenty letters long gave him a headache.

     There was also the idea of starting up his own bar dedicated to serving only orange kool-aid. But he then realized he would probably be the only raider who would even go to a bar like that.

     And there was also that janitor idea, but he had no idea just how many buildings were exactly in MR, and he didn’t have the patience to find out either.

     “C’mon Fro gotta think of something…”

     Unfortunately, every bad idea was accompanied by a long and dreary sigh. As the day flew by, so did his ideas, and not a single one were landing.

     “Think Frono, think.”

     All he wanted was a distraction from his Mary escapades. It sounded selfish, which is why he decided to balance out the selfishness with some good intentioned selflessness. But what? Anything wouldn’t just suffice. It had to been something Fro was good at, an expert in, a profession only he knew how to preach.

     “Hey, Filia! Are you alright?” A voice broke out from below.

     The afro haired thinker had been so deep in thought that he failed to notice the commotion arising on the streets beneath him. Breaking pose, he leaned forward on the skyscraper’s edge and began scanning the area below. The sight was typical- a group of new raiders facing off against a small unit of spam ninjas, and the damsel in the distress seemed to be Filia. He had seen this scenario play out many times, and having been in the situation himself, he knew what the next scene was: The new kids would get a couple lucky strikes in and eventually suffer a defeat, only to be saved by a more experienced member from potential death.

     A very formulaic script, but it was consistent, and this time Fro would play the convenient savior role for a change.

     But there was only one problem…

     “I wonder…”

     Fro was never good at sticking to the script.

     “I wonder how the newbies are holding up nowadays…”

     He watched with curiosity as two members from the raider group stormed up to the awaiting spam ninjas. The newbie on the left, armed with a basic looking sword, swung wildly. Had been it a telegraphed strike, it would’ve split the ninja in two. Unfortunately, his carelessness was met with air, and a swift kick to the face.

     His companion had took up a more personal approach, preferring to fight with his fist rather than a weapon. His attacks were fluid and quick, rapid punches and kicks with enough power to reduce a ninja to pixels. His results matched that of his comrade, though, taking a swift kick in the face as well.

     As the action continued, Fro remained idle, watching the fight with an intense focus only a experienced fighter like himself could muster.

     “They’re attacks look nice, but flashiness don’t win fights.” Fro commented, stroking his chin. “Judging from their footwork, this is most likely their first rodeo, which explains why they’re so focused on playing the aggressor. Spam ninjas are too smart and fast to get done in by careless attacks. If those two wanna win, then they gotta switch to a defensive style and force the ninjas to attack them. That way they can properly recognize the ninjas’ patterns and react accordingly.”

     After seeing another failed attack, Fro shifted his attention to Filia who was being looked after by the third member of the newbs.

     “So they decided to leave one guy behind to look after Filia? A smart strat’ considering the situation. If Filia knew how to fight though, then the third newbie wouldn’t have to worry about playing lookout, and the four of them could all just attack together and really turn the situation in their favor.”

     And then, something landed. An idea.

     “If only Filia… knew how to…”

     If a light-bulb could flash above Fro’s head, it would’ve been bright enough to illuminate the entire sky.

     “Duh!? How come I didn’t think of that earlier!?” Fro exclaimed, jumping to his feet the moment he came to his realization. “I may suck at writing and drawing stickmen, but gawdammit- if there’s one thing I know how to do right it’s punching fools in the mouth!”

     Fro clenched his fist, feeling an excitement welling within him.

     “The new kids at MR have gotten soft and it’s my job to toughen them up!” he proclaimed. “All I gotta do is show them the ropes, teach them proper fundamentals, and help develop them into strong fighters like myself. That way, when the city is faced with a crisis, they’ll be able to fend for themselves, making me look good in the process!”

     Fro pounded his fist into his hips and stuck out his chest proudly. He nodded his head, a confirmation to himself that this was the greatest idea he's ever came up with.

     “Ha! Gawdamiit! I'm a friggin genius!”

     “Can someone help?” a distressed voice called out.”

     “Huh?” Fro questioned as he broke out of his celebratory state.

     “Yeah, we’re really getting our asses handed to us!” a second voice chimed in loudly. “It would be great if someone came and SAVED US already!”

     Their obvious cries for help practically screamed cliche, and as Fro looked down to see the newbs pinned to the ground by a pile of spam ninjas, he remembered he still had a role to play.

     “Right… the script.”

     At the snap of a finger, a pair of hair tendrils, spawned from Fro’s back, quickly shot down and eliminated the spam ninjas in one fell swoop. The two raiders got up the moment they realized their cries were answered, but to their surprise, as they looked up to see where their help had came from they saw nothing. Their mysterious savior had already disappeared, with their only clue being a floating hair strand descending down in front of them.

     “Hey, did you see who helped us?” the swording wielding newbie asked his friend.

     “Nope, didn’t see a thing. Whoever it was though, they were pretty fast, that’s for sure.”

     The two raiders turned around to their third partner and Filia.

     The sword raider spoke. “Hey, what about you guys? Did you see anything?”

     The third raider couldn’t help but shrug as he was just as clueless as his friends. Filia, on the other hand, knew full well that hair strike belonged to Fronomenal. Seeing him coming her to rescue again forced a smile out of her she couldn’t help. Still it’s always more fun to play along.

     “Nope. no clue!” she cheered.

---

     “So,” Coryn began, taking a sip of beer from his glass. “You wanna start a fight club, huh?”

     Fro, annoyed by the fact that he had already explained the idea to Coryn twice already, gulped down his orange kool-aid angrily, and slammed his glass down on the wooden table. Since the MR Pub was usually quieter during the night hours, it was no surprise that the loud noise caught the attention of the other few patrons in the room.

     “No, Coryn. Not ‘fight club’ or ‘fighters club.’ I wanna start a Fighters Division.”

     “I get you’re trying to go for that cool factor Frono, which is why I disagree with the whole ‘Division’ bit. “The MR Fight Club’ has a much better ring to it if you ask me.”

     “No it doesn’t! Are you kidding me? ‘The MR Fighters Division’ sounds way more swag. And plus, I don’t want the name of my Division to be a reference to movie I haven’t even seen yet.”


     Coryn’s eyes blinked from the surprise. “You haven’t seen “Fight Club,’ Fro? That’s surprising to hear considering it’s right up your alley.”

     Fro eyes narrowed. “I don’t have a alley, Coryn. I don’t even have a steady house to stay in.”

     “I’m speaking figuratively, of course.”

     Coryn took another swig of beer before finally deciding to get the conversation back on course.

     “But onto the matter at hand. If I heard you correctly, you said that this ‘Fighters Division’ of yours would be dedicated to training  newer members in a sort of pyramid themed system?”

     “So it’s like this,” Fro began as he summoned a whiteboard and marker in hand via afro magic. He drew on it as he explained. “The basic idea is to take four or five newbies under my wing and train them under a strict, boot camp styled program. Once those newbies reached a certain rank in the division, then those same newbies will gain the right to take in their own set of newbies and train them under the same program. Thus, becoming an endless cycle that descends down like a reversed family tree, which is why I refer to it as a pyramid scheme.”

     “Interesting,” Coryn said as he sat back to ponder on what he had just heard. “Still, that doesn’t explain that sports team bit you sneaked in during your earlier explanation. And what was that you mentioned about integrating some commercial advertising section into the division?”

     Fro broke out into a nervous laugh and rubbed the back of his neck like any suspicious schemer would do. “Oh, I was just shooting random ideas off the top of my head. Forget about that jazz for now, hehe.”

     Coryn was still a little suspicious, but he gave Fro the benefit of the doubt this time. He took another chug of beer and spoke.

     “While your idea has some potential errors in concept, it seems you have have it all thought out, at least.”

     “So you approve?”

     Coryn placed a hand under his chin. “I do, but the part that still confuses me is approaching me about all this. Unless you want me to put in a good word with Hasith- which I'm sure you don't need, I don't see the reasoning.”

     Fro smirked. “Well, since you guys like to jump start new divisions out of the blue, I already know Hasith wouldn't mind a fighters division, so long as it doesn't pull any Mortal Combat level shenanigans. What I need from you Coryn is something only you can provide me with.”

     “Which is?”

     Fro gulped down the rest of his Kool aid in one go and wiped his mouth sloppily. “I’mma need that Gym from you dawg.”

     Coryn’s face went from confused to curious in a instant. “How did you manage to dig that place up?”

     “The shovel helps…”

     “No, seriously Fro. I could've sworn I locked that place-”

     Coryn was interrupted by the sight of Fro twirling a key between his fingers. Upon closer examination, he understood exactly how Fro managed to break in his gym.

     “I’m really gonna have to do a scientific examination on that hair of yours. ”

     “In your dreams, cyborg.” Fro chuckled. “So, you gonna let me have it or what?”
 
     Coryn sighed. He originally used the gym to train back in his earlier days in MR. While it generally wasn’t hard to find since it wasn’t contained in a invisible barrier of any sort, it was located in a rather secluded section in the break area that not too many raiders knew about. It was an ideal place to train in solitude, and as Coryn indulged himself more and more into science, he made a variety of personal modifications to the place, even went as far as to install a secret door that leads into one of the many underground labs in the Science Division.  However, after dying at the hands of Lego, and coming back to life as a cyborg, he lost interest in the gym and locked it away until he found a more beneficial use for it, which he never did.

     “To be honest Fro, I forgotten about that gym long ago. So it would make sense to just hand it over to you since you’ll have a better use for it. Unfortunately, that gym is technically still part of the Science Division, and I don’t lease out property for free.”

     Fro banged on the table with his fist. “Aw c’mon Coryn, are you serious? At this point, damn near the entire city is part of your division! You meaning to tell me that you’re so greedy that you can’t even hand over one lousy gym?”

     “Principles, my friend…”

     Fronomenal leaned back in his chair and sighed heavily. He figured that Coryn was gonna put up a fight, but he at least wished that the cyborg wouldn’t be so stern about it.

     Fro folded his hands under his chin and put on his negotiating face. “Alright… It’s obvious that you have a price, Coryn. Name it.”

     Coryn countered Fro with an intense negotiating face of his own. “Silly Frono, money is not a concern of mine at the moment. Although I'll admit, the mod checks have been looking a little thin lately.”

     In dramatic fashion, Coryn snatched his beer, chugged it down in one gulp, and slammed the glass down as if it was the chess piece that would put Fro in checkmate.

     “What I want is quite simple, really. I want to sponsor your division.”

     Fro’s raised a brow. “I’m sorry?”

     “I’ll give you complete access and ownership of the gym and in return, you and your members will be obligated to beta test and show off any gadgets created by me and my division. Also”, Coryn said, raising a finger. “Should you accept my proposal, you and your students will be subject to partake in any of my personal experiments as well.”

     Fro’s face had gone sullen. “You want us to be your guinea pigs, basically…”

     “A harsh way of putting it, but if that’s how you choose to see it, then so be it.”

     Fro lowered his head in defeat. He should’ve known his nightmares of becoming Coryn’s personal lab rat would eventually come true. Still it wasn’t as bad as he thought. He was sure Coryn wouldn’t use him for something too crazy, and at the end of the day, his sacrifice would be for the greater good. Plus, at least he had a choice in the matter, and having a choice was always better than getting kidnapped against your will. Fro really hated his early days of being kidnapped by higher ranked members for nonsensical shenanigans.

     Fro extended his hand. “Alright Coryn, you got me. It’s a deal.”

     Coryn accepted the handshake, a grin of victory on his face. “Pleasure doing business with ya.” Though I gotta say, you wanting to start a fighter’s division all of a sudden seems really out of blue. Especially considering that you’ve only been back a couple of days. Why, if you don’t mind me asking?”

     “Let’s just say,” Fro began, smiling fondly. “MR has done a lot for me over the years, and I think it’s time for me to return the favor the best way I can.”

     Coryn nodded in approval. “Well, that’s good to hear. I’ll admit, things have been pretty quiet lately, so MR has been slacking in the combat department. Hopefully this training program of yours will keep the new guys on their toes.”

     “Oh trust me, with the regimine I got planned, they’ll be doing more than just keeping up on their toes.”

     “No doubt. In the meantime, I’ll pay the gym a visit and see if there’s any alterations needed to be made. You should get things moving on your end as well. Best to start finding recruits now rather than later. Flyers are your best friend.”

     With that said, Coryn got up from his seat and headed towards the Pub doors. Before leaving out, he turned around to look at Fro.

     “Oh, and Fro…”

     “Yeah?”

     The scientist shot him a smile. “Welcome back.” 

     Fro nodded. Thanks… Coryn.”

     As he watched Coryn exit the pub, Fro leaned back on his chair and holsted his feet on the table. He felt good knowing that he was finally gonna do something positive in his life for a change. Of course, the only problem now was the amount work he had placed on himself. He had to begin considering the little things, such as figuring out a training schedule, and what kind rules he should enforce. Most importantly, he had to think of a design for uniforms, since official uniforms are a must for a division of any kind. Unfortunately, that proved to be a challenge for Fronomenal, for when it came to fashion, he wasn’t the most forwarding.

     “Yeah…” he sighed. “Gonna have to consult with Co on those uniforms…”         



Author comments(Potential Spoilers)

I originally planned to fully write out the rematch between Lego and myself. But then I remembered how stressful it was for me to write our first bout, and decided to cop out. Besides I don't think it may have been necessary this time.

Lego won the fight by the way, in case you guys haven't realize it by now.

Writing Coryn's dialogue was the most concerning for me out of everyone at first. But as I wrote the exchange between our characters it came very natural to me  Pretty sure I didn't get his speech down to a Tee, but it went better than I expected, I feel.

Looks like I gotta do some reaching out for potential candidates. I already have some raiders in mind so hopefully things goes as planned. Looking for at least three newer members to join the ranks, so if any you guys who somehow happen to read this and are interested, feel free to let me know either here or PM.

Also, hopefully Coryn doesn't have too much fun with the doors I left open for him.

Final Chapter coming soon. Stay tuned!   

Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Coryn on April 19, 2018, 11:13:58 PM
Alright, let's get into this bad boy. (I've elected to do a light review. Hope you don't mind.)


- "blonde" not "blond"

- this feels like a final fantasy cutscene

- Oh man, I actually just came across a sick cover of this song as a screamo song. Hardly fits the mood, but good nonetheless. Maybe like 10 minutes earlier.

- you capitalized "nostalgic" in the middle of the sentence. (On purpose?)

- it's still my last name. Don't forget it. *Sunglasses. Explosion*

- Everyone gather in the open field for the feelings jam. Drinks to be served after. (But seriously, I like to think we're all family here. Anything you need. (Alright, real talk over. That music got me feeling though.))

- keep leaving hairs behind like that and you might really go bald buddy. JK jk.

-Had (it not) been it a telegraphed strike,

- if you were sitting on the edge of a skyscraper thinker style, wouldn't jumping to your feet lead to a Willey Coyote style fall?

- Hmmm... that fighters club does sound awfully familiar. Wonder where I might have heard of it before

- And to be fair, I'd definitely hit up your bar if you added black cherry to your offerings

- Never refer to something as a scheme. It makes people feel uncomfortable. Great joke though. And honestly "Fighters Division" does sound rad as hell.

- To be fair, the Science Division only really starts below grade. 2D maps aren't everything.

- You got to get me in as an honorary sensei at least though. My muscles are still fleshy after all (OMG you would not believe what my phone wanted to correct "fle" to. What the f*ck phone). I digress. I bet I could still show the kids a thing or two. Even without fantastic powers.

- They're already subject to the terms and conditions (y'all really  should read those). But it's always nice to have willing volunteers.

- forwarding? Forward thinking perhaps?



Closing thoughts: I think it was actually better without the fight. Sometimes it's much better to show less. Without it the chapter flows much more naturally. Given the conversational nature of the rest of the chapter, it was a very smart decision. Even unindented changes can be for the best after all.

I'm honored you put so much time into thinking about my speech patterns. I hope I don't come off as too stern though. I'm trying to ease up on that and incorporate more of my little colloquisms, but I still like my dry wit, even if it doesn't translate well through text. (Somewhere, someone laughs at the notion that I actually have wit)

And don't worry, I'll only provide the latest training equipment. No deathtraps for the young'uns I promise  :D (those are for the advanced classes)



Over all I really liked this chapter. Felt very good and natural. Maybe it's because I'm doing it recently too, but you got to take time and explore those quiet, mundane moments. They're often more compelling than grand fight scenes, even if they aren't the center of attention.

Can't wait for the conclusion!
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: legomaestro on April 20, 2018, 05:25:20 AM
Chapter read seamlessly, although I think Lego is usually more grumpy than that. Perhaps add more pensieve standing in the wind with his trenchcoat being buffetted by the wind? No? I've seen your hating ways.

That Kool Aid Pub hahahaha. Now that would be something.

The Newbs' do need some training. That Red-Shirting was preposterous. Train them well, Frono.  And best of luck on your quest indeedy.

You said you'd get a chapter done in a set time and you did it. Props man!
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Coryn on April 20, 2018, 07:44:33 AM
Lego you're too much of a good for that. We give you any more pensive looks and it'll open a singularity.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: eukocar on April 20, 2018, 08:14:03 AM
Closing thoughts: I think it was actually better without the fight. Sometimes it's much better to show less. Without it the chapter flows much more naturally. Given the conversational nature of the rest of the chapter, it was a very smart decision. Even unindented changes can be for the best after all.

i totally agree with this. it was an great chapter to read. an manga raider fight club. where do i sign up!!






Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Fronomenal on April 25, 2018, 09:30:51 PM
@Coryn: Much thanks for the review, Coryn! I'll respond to each of your points accordingly.

Quote
- "blonde" not "blond"

*Facepalms*

Quote
- this feels like a final fantasy cutscene

Now that you mention it, this scene reminds me of the many ffx cutscenes where Tidus is just standing idle and staring off into space having deep internal monologues with himself, and all the while the atmosphere feels extra deep and sentimental, especially if the zanarkand theme is playing in the background. I miss that game.

Quote
- Oh man, I actually just came across a sick cover of this song as a screamo song. Hardly fits the mood, but good nonetheless. Maybe like 10 minutes earlier
.

Screamo Willy Wonka? Not super big into that kinda music, but it sounds interesting

Quote
- you capitalized "nostalgic" in the middle of the sentence. (On purpose?)

Not on purpose. *Facepalms again*

Quote
- it's still my last name. Don't forget it. *Sunglasses. Explosion*

*Dies in explosion*

Quote
- Everyone gather in the open field for the feelings jam. Drinks to be served after. (But seriously, I like to think we're all family here. Anything you need. (Alright, real talk over. That music got me feeling though.

Haha! I was really going for the power of friendship vibe in this one, I’ll admit. Glad you liked the song selection, though.
Quote
- keep leaving hairs behind like that and you might really go bald buddy. JK jk.

Not if you keep a good stack of Bosley, you won't.

Quote
-Had (it not) been it a telegraphed strike,

*More facepalms*

Quote
- if you were sitting on the edge of a skyscraper thinker style, wouldn't jumping to your feet lead to a Willey Coyote style fall?

When I wrote that, I was imagining him jumping to his feet, but still somehow managing to stand on the edge as he stood up. But in the end I think you're right.

Quote
- Hmmm... that fighters club does sound awfully familiar. Wonder where I might have heard of it before

Lol. Obvious reference is obvious. The fighters club thing, or division in this case, was an idea cycling in my head for at least four years now, even before the VN started. Funny thing is was that I originally didn't plan to give it a name, since the original idea, was just my character training newbs to beat Coryn in a bout, but that Canon idea has long been abandoned, and eventually evolved into what you see now.

Quote
- And to be fair, I'd definitely hit up your bar if you added black cherry to your offerings

Omg black cherry is good! I was thinking of adding grape to the menu. Still, orange beats all in the end.

Quote
- Never refer to something as a scheme. It makes people feel uncomfortable. Great joke though. And honestly "Fighters Division" does sound rad as hell.

Noted, and another good point I didn't think about. Fighters Division does sound awesome if I do say so myself. 8)

Quote
- You got to get me in as an honorary sensei at least though. My muscles are still fleshy after all (OMG you would not believe what my phone wanted to correct "fle" to. What the f*ck phone). I digress. I bet I could still show the kids a thing or two. Even without fantastic powers.

Guess coach or teacher could probably work. Come in for a session or two. Lecture the newbies on some basics. Throw in a couple “back in my days” while you're at it. I dig it.

Quote
- They're already subject to the terms and conditions (y'all really  should read those). But it's always nice to have willing volunteers.

Subject to the terms and conditions? They're subject to kidnapping? You're right, we really do gotta read that stuff.

Quote
- forwarding? Forward thinking perhaps?

Forwarding came naturally to me. Feel like I've heard it been used in a similar sense before, but oh well. *Facepalms anyway* 


Quote
Closing thoughts: I think it was actually better without the fight. Sometimes it's much better to show less. Without it the chapter flows much more naturally. Given the conversational nature of the rest of the chapter, it was a very smart decision. Even unindented changes can be for the best after all.

I'm honored you put so much time into thinking about my speech patterns. I hope I don't come off as too stern though. I'm trying to ease up on that and incorporate more of my little colloquisms, but I still like my dry wit, even if it doesn't translate well through text. (Somewhere, someone laughs at the notion that I actually have wit)

And don't worry, I'll only provide the latest training equipment. No deathtraps for the young'uns I promise  :D (those are for the advanced classes)



Over all I really liked this chapter. Felt very good and natural. Maybe it's because I'm doing it recently too, but you got to take time and explore those quiet, mundane moments. They're often more compelling than grand fight scenes, even if they aren't the center of attention.

Can't wait for the conclusion!
This was, by far, my favorite chapter to write, which is why I'm really glad that you liked it as well. I think my best writing shows during those laid back conversational moments in my stories. To touch on your mannerisms, I wanna do my best to make sure that every raider that I incorporate into my canons are properly represented through their actions and their dialogue. I stressed over yours in particular because I know how witty your character can get with the dry humor, and I wasn't sure if I could pull it off, so I decided to keep your dialogue light and not overthink or overdo it. I approach writing other Raiders’ characters this way: Instead of thinking of what would their character say, I thought to myself, what would the Raiders write? Luckily for me, Coryn, you got more than enough material to go off of.

Keeping the fight scene out was a good decision in the end. It wasn't necessary, and the chapter flows much better without it like you said. I'm gonna write that rematch soon, though. And I'll be sure to make it epic. Once I brush up on my skills, of course. Thanks again, Coryn!

@Lego: Sorry man, for the sake of the story, grumpy cat Lego had to show his more personal side. More pensive standing accompanied by epic trenchcoat fluttering in the wind in the future, I promise. ;) Thanks for reading!

@Eukocar: You're actually one of the raiders I had in mind to join, so good timing. Once I'll compile a list of canon related questions, you should be expecting a PM in your inbox soon.   

Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Coryn on April 26, 2018, 12:22:21 PM
Admittedly I'm not usually down for the screamo stuff either, but this one's more screamo lite

https://open.spotify.com/album/6jlcbJCorkiPoM8DuKAggY?si=RDRrwXQ5Srq9-CdxRyu6rw

Main vocals are pretty smooth actually, so they balance each other out.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: legomaestro on May 03, 2018, 08:20:49 PM
*Looks at Frono suspiciously*

Bro you better not be thinking about taking a break from writing this.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Fronomenal on May 03, 2018, 09:24:50 PM
*Casually sips kool-aid while wearing sunglasses and chilling in a hammock*

Of course not! 8) I got this far, why stop now? :sure:

Truthfully my lazy cycle is in effect, but it shouldn't be too hard break out of it. It's on my mind though, so mostly I'm writing it in my head at the moment. Still gotta get those PM's out too.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: MahluaandMilk on May 11, 2018, 11:03:15 PM
Closing thoughts: Your writing is coming out a little more fluid now. I think the use of simple sentences helps you show instead of tell. Kinda like cutting out the fight worked in your favor.

Just gonna point out: "Didn’t Coryn dropped the ‘Sken’ in his name?”--there's no need for the -ed conjugation since the sentence is a question type.

I assume that I am to be one of the ones in this lovely little pyramid scheme of yours? (It's not always super suspish to use the word scheme...) I do enjoy knowing how to not get myself killed.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Coryn on May 12, 2018, 12:05:03 AM
You're right. Sometimes it's just regular 'suspish'.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: Fronomenal on May 15, 2018, 02:59:36 PM
Thanks Mahlua. Admittedly, I've always wanted to write super fancy, extremely detailed and intelligent sounding sentences. Raplh Ellison and his book "Invisible Man" was the inspiration behind that goal because the descriptive writing skills he displayed in that book really stuck with me. But naturally over time I realized that a much more simple and straight to the point kind of style was something I was much better at, and decided that it would be best to cultivate that skill tree instead.

And silly Mahlua, I already got you written down as assistant coach of the fighters division in my notes. However, I've held off on the idea as I was unsure if you were returning to the forum or not. But now that you're here we can get the ball rolling. All that's left is the paperwork. *Slams a mountain of paperwork on Mahlua's desk*

Besides, there's not much I can teach a raider who went toe to toe with a tan and lived to tell the story. Still gotta check that off on my bucket list.
Title: Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
Post by: MahluaandMilk on May 15, 2018, 04:23:15 PM
As always, assistants are left with the paperwork. :glare:

Welp, I'm looking forward to the job anyway.