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Manga Artists => Members Manga => Topic started by: suuper-san on September 11, 2016, 12:03:39 PM


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Title: Overdrive!
Post by: suuper-san on September 11, 2016, 12:03:39 PM
Well i thought i would post this since this is what i am spending all my time on instead of being here.

basically this is my official "waste" manga, to practice stuff and ideas to see what works and what doesnt, until i am sick of it so i dont blow it on my actual stories. there will be cliches galore as i just muck about basically :P

If you want to critque, please read the spoiler
Spoiler
I am primarily focusing on: (please critique if you want)
-background use (3d and other stuff)
-effects/textures
-camera angles
-range of poses
-story/jokes/humor
-story flow/panelling/layout

what i am not working on: (so therefore please dont critique, because i'm not focusing on these)
-realistic-ness/accuracy (speed is more the focus)
-proportions (hands/eyes and stuff will be wrong)

otherwise, here is the first pages of Overdrive
READS RIGHT TO LEFT (Japanese style)

Chapter 1 - What can be done, will be done...
(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive%2001-TB_zpslun4omua.jpeg)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-01_zpsv5yxddjk.jpeg)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-02_zpsinlmbvyj.jpeg)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-03_zpsknejpzku.jpeg)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-04_zpsj43qjvi7.jpeg)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-05_zpsoq4rz6bf.png)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive%2001-06_zpsjlye4les.jpeg)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive%2001-07_zpslcbovyjs.jpeg)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-08_zpsvtn5ixql.jpeg)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-09_zpsvm69ie1v.jpeg)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-10_zpsgkmxtoxo.jpeg)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-11_zpsbeqvp4tk.jpeg)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-12_zps2ufqpxir.jpeg)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-13_zpsqssuqqej.jpeg)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-14_zpsohwpdpqr.jpeg)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-15_zpsj0lab4xs.jpeg)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-16_zpswi6lxakr.jpeg)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-17_zpsdyclv4cm.jpeg)

let me know what you think, i think my sense of humour is a bit different to most people's so you probably wont find it funny haha :P
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: legomaestro on September 14, 2016, 05:42:06 AM
Actually pretty funny and understandeable on that front. Going too weird might throw off the readers but what you've made so far is hilarious in it's own right.

These are truly just nit-picky comments. The intro page could've worked with one panel with the same expression and woosh effect. Just place the same dialogue on that same page. It works better as an intro page rather than a small panel.

The introduction of the glasses guy - He steps into frame too soon. He could either be off frame for when he first talks (you'd need to show his face on the second though) or in the distance where you could recognize his face as they spoke.


Just my opinion though. In terms of output and shading it looks pretty well. Like the effects too.


And ah, I felt a little claustrophobic at the size of that class. Looks a bit narrow.

Otherwise amazing stuff suuper. Keep at it
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: suuper-san on September 14, 2016, 06:44:02 AM
@lego thanks man i appreciate the comment, especially the nitpicking, keep it up i need that sort of criticism :P

i see what you mean about the introduction of the characters, thats handy to remember for next time. true about the double panel, i want to keep the panel count down as well anyway to keep it tidy, i will look out for joining panels up.

ahhh yeah the classroom, getting the scale with the drawings as well right was a pain so i just guessed. it looks fine in sketchup, but it was a pain to lineup. perhaps a different angle would have been better but oh well thats the whole point of this manga to test stuff out :P

stay tuned :P
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: Manimal on September 14, 2016, 08:31:35 AM
Okay so to critique what you want critiqued to I'll lay it down bit by bit.

Background Use
- What backgrounds? Ha ha sorry, no I understand not everything needs unnecessary details in the background and you have pretty well cut down on all of that. The point of this sequence being the classroom reveal joke at the end so I will not say anything for that, it's fine. For the look the classroom, as said above, really tiny. It looks like the characters are in scale to the desks but everything is packed super tight to the space. The couch looked fine but the desks strike me as looking overly clean compared to the characters. Tiny details though, if you didn't ask about backgrounds I wouldn't have looked that hard.

Effects/Textures
- The shading and stuff looks fine, I think things are filled in where they need to be filled in. The action lines in the two panels at the bottom of the last page did strike me as off though, since they both follow different directions.

Camera Angles + Range of Poses
- As for flow, there are a lot of heads in the pages and a lot of panels. It's all packed in tightly, which isn't bad. As Lego said glasses guy enters in a strange manner. In the big reveal panel the characters look really stiff, and not like they are reacting as big as the words suggest. For poses and stuff, I think this is fine, though it is a lot of head & shoulders.

Story/Jokes/Humor/Story Flow/Panelling
- I myself am not fond of meta humor too much, and this seemed to follow pretty basic anime conventions in terms of character behavior and reactions. Two "dumb" characters to the straight man. In terms of flow, it progressed at a fine pace. Paneling as well is pretty packed but you made sure to follow the age old rule of no more then 8 panels a page. Text bubbles are bursting all around here and overall I thought it was fine. I myself don't really think much of this kind of humor because I've seen it so much, but that is not to demean it. Like your other work it seems you are channeling your artistic struggles in this and venting things like difficultly with humor, through the characters.

I think comedy is a very weird thing that cannot be planned or thought about too much. In terms of this format I don't really laugh at comics myself because they lack timing and delivery. So it's just a strange thing to do you know, you just gotta make sure it's natural and flowing I guess?
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: suuper-san on September 16, 2016, 03:51:32 PM
@manimal thanks for the detailed critique, i look forward to your insightful opinion on any of my future work as well :P

Although the classroom reveal was there, that wasnt the reason for the lack of backgrounds before, thats was more my lack of creativity, which lead to the classroom reveal idea later on as a cheap way of introducing a background haha. surprisingly the hardest thing is getting the 3D model back into the manga and getting the scale/proportions right, i might try and practice that more.

really i'm trying to force myself through the "i cant draw that" hurdle, and be more acceptive of my own lack of skill during my learning process :P

Yes this manga is indeed fundamentally me venting when i run out of ideas, and using every cliche i hit when i dont. i love meta-humour to the point of obsession so its funny to me at least. im hoping to randomly add legitimate plot and to funnel it into longer 2-4 page stories at some point, to which the characters will undoubtedly point it out :P

It is 110% generic i am (sort of but not really) proud to say :P

to be honest i agree its hard to write humor, and i would prefer to write fantasy/adventure, but i want something that i can reverse out of if i mess up, so a single page gag works for me as practice. i would hate to start something like fairy tail and get 3 chapters in and hate myself for it :P

also being 4th wall oriented, i can change any aspect/setting and make it "the author decided to change X" punchline, if i want to change anything. i think that was my first thought when i had the idea.

LATEST: page 4 (i will be updating the first post as well)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-04_zpsj43qjvi7.jpeg) (http://s1127.photobucket.com/user/suupertramp/media/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-04_zpsj43qjvi7.jpeg.html)
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: legomaestro on September 17, 2016, 01:20:47 AM
RIP Springtime of youth

Chilled out guy looked chilled until he shouted again. Straight man knows when to be a downer, but you may need someone to counterbalance all the shouting haha. Good page.
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: suuper-san on September 17, 2016, 03:06:31 AM
thanks haha i wondered as much myself for the straight man, he shouts too much :P
i think it will smooth out more as i do more pages, i hope :P
the whole point of this manga is to find out what works and what doesn't, so in some ways i hope to make lots of mistakes :P

LATEST: page 5. i mucked up the flow on the last panel, but i noticed i had the font on bold for all the previous ones, so this ones a little more readable now that i fixed it :P
i think the joke is sort of stupid to say the least but oh well :P

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-05_zpsoq4rz6bf.png) (http://s1127.photobucket.com/user/suupertramp/media/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-05_zpsoq4rz6bf.png.html)
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: The SlamJam on September 24, 2016, 10:55:17 PM
This is excellent! Unique, well drawn, just overall feeling polished!
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: Miska on September 25, 2016, 05:07:42 AM
I suck at giving any kind of criticism so i'll pass that, but i love the expressions you draw!  :D
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: Gabryel on September 26, 2016, 03:05:42 AM
Hey there :) I think you did a nice job, although backgrounds are a bit scarce for my taste. I didn't get its a class room until I read the text, because the room itself is too small. I thought it's a store room , oops :blush: If it was me and you wanted to draw this from above, I would delete the wall on the left side.

Your figurines need a bit of practice as the poses often are a bit stiff. Did you try searching for pose references? There are actually some nice ones on Deviant Art, or just google for a stance, that's what I do atm. :)

The flow itself is ok I'd say, now we're all waiting for the story to actually start :D
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: suuper-san on September 26, 2016, 03:34:01 PM
@jamie thanks!

@miska yeah i have a hard time giving critique, thanks for reading it!

@gabryel yeah i need more practice. i dont use much reference when i draw, but i do when i practice. its more i dont know what pose to draw than i cant draw it i think, i hope :P

if anyone is wondering why i havnt posted when i was full blast "im gonna make millions of pages", i cut my finger and i am waiting for it to heal lol. it wasnt a bad cut, but it hurts when i touch anything or hold anything :( probably in a day or two i will be fine :P
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: Killer B !!SAMA!! on September 27, 2016, 10:46:33 AM
So ur working on ur manga men hhhaa nice
 :ninja:
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: suuper-san on September 28, 2016, 01:21:17 PM
haha yeah, just practice to get used to it, and to try out some stuff :P

i skipped the shading because i'm not really doing anything new with it, the manga is meant to improve my skill, not waste my time doing what i can already do :P

latest pages:
(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive%2001-06_zpsjlye4les.jpeg) (http://s1127.photobucket.com/user/suupertramp/media/Overdrive%2001-06_zpsjlye4les.jpeg.html)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive%2001-07_zpslcbovyjs.jpeg) (http://s1127.photobucket.com/user/suupertramp/media/Overdrive%2001-07_zpslcbovyjs.jpeg.html)
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: Gabryel on September 28, 2016, 02:58:01 PM
Hrhr, cute! Lemme try to say something contructive.

First page:

The frog perspective is odd, is the speaking character sitting on the ground while telling them that he has a good idea?
And your hands could need a bit of practice (which is ok, I think hands are actually harder than faces), the one on the chin is too small.

Second page:

The windowed wall picture has a nice angle but somehow looks bent - is the background curved or is it my eyes tricking me?

The classroom still looks small-ish and if this is supposed to be the direct sequel to the pages above, it's odd that there are now no chairs and only a few tables.

The CO2 had me chuckling ;) i'm glad I don't have to organize any party with those guys XD
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: legomaestro on September 28, 2016, 04:04:42 PM
I laughed at the CO2 joke too. The timing was just too good for that one.

The large panel one is the secret to Kubo Tite's Manga. Dude can eat up page space like a king. Don't underestimate it though! I think the opposite is bad too, where too much happens on a page and there's no emotional impact.

Love the overall clean look you're maintaining suuper. The improvements you need to make won't be so hectic to integrate because your foundation looks pretty solid imo
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: suuper-san on October 02, 2016, 03:28:12 PM
@gabryel thanks for your critique, i appreciate it :)

haha frog angle, yeah i am just testing out angles, there is no meaning behind it :P
as for the empty classroom, same thing, i am just testing things out and things will change at random :P

but one thing....i dont want to waste your time and effort critiquing things that i am not focusing on, in my first post i mentioned this but maybe it wasnt big enough :P
Spoiler
I am primarily focusing on: (please critique if you want)
-background use (3d and other stuff)
-effects/textures
-camera angles
-range of poses
-story/jokes/humor/story flow/panelling

what i am not working on: (so therefore please dont critique, because i'm not focusing on these)
-realistic-ness/accuracy (speed is more the focus)
-proportions (hands/eyes and stuff will be wrong)
because i am focusing on speed and layout primarily, i drop the focus on proportions such as hands to keep my speed up :P
i do hands studies and stuff in my normal drawing thread which you are free to critique anything freely :P

@lego yeah a lot of manga i read have like 3-5 panels tops, especially action drops to 1/2 or even a double page panel. i will probably try and use less panels per page to make it easier to read, but that will come with practice :P

glad to know you guys liked the CO2 joke :P
can't guarantee future stuff will be funny, but hey, practice makes...............................................perfect! you got it!

latest: went for monochrome shading test, and a bit of texturing, which i almost got the hang of :P
the glasses guy is evil :P

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-08_zpsvtn5ixql.jpeg)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-09_zpsvm69ie1v.jpeg)

my manga is starting to look impressive, if i do say so myself. having a bunch of pages together has a lot of impact, even if they are fairly low quality per page :P
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: legomaestro on October 04, 2016, 04:15:49 AM
True that, that last shot is amazing. You even managed to make wire mesh. And the characters are really well done. Props all round.
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: suuper-san on October 09, 2016, 04:19:20 PM
@lego thanks :P
the wire mesh was just a texture i pasted on a normal face. i was going to make it but wanted a faster way :P

latest pages :P
trying to boost my output even more :P
vague plot this time
just noticed a page isnt cleaned up , oh well :P
....and i fixed it :P

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-10_zpsgkmxtoxo.jpeg)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-11_zpsbeqvp4tk.jpeg)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-12_zps2ufqpxir.jpeg)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-13_zpsqssuqqej.jpeg)
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: suuper-san on October 12, 2016, 06:51:28 PM
last two pages of the chapter. i will probably do a title page and a 4-koma bonus :P
i was surprised at how much my quality had increased, although i was trying to keep it low :P

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-14_zpsohwpdpqr.jpeg)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-15_zpsj0lab4xs.jpeg)
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: Forlorn Serpent on October 12, 2016, 07:42:28 PM
Last page was funny and looked great. Congrats on finishing a chapter  :clapping:
(https://media.giphy.com/media/Te3vyhjhlQBaM/giphy.gif)
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: legomaestro on October 13, 2016, 05:18:43 AM
Damn I need to know where that gif comes from.

That last page was hilarious suuper, and the other ones were great as well. Some spot on rendering there dude haha. I'm jealous as hell! Keep it up man, and congratulations on hitting that first chapter!
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: Kiba on October 13, 2016, 08:41:00 AM
Anime from that gif is called Tantei Opera Milky Holmes.

DONT WATCH IT. JUST DONT.
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: suuper-san on October 13, 2016, 12:38:44 PM
@forlorn thanks! and thanks for the celebration!

@lego glad to know you liked it :P
i found quite a nice way to do things, i will make a tutorial or step by step, at some point :P

oh i have a video of a random page, thats better than nothing

https://www.youtube.com/v/watch?v=uQzG4o_JwRg

@kiba welcome to the forum! unfortunately you are too late with your warning!
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: suuper-san on October 14, 2016, 05:02:35 PM
latest: bonus 1 of 2. i've always wanted to do a 4-koma from ages ago :P

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-16_zpswi6lxakr.jpeg)

EDIT: and 2 of 2 :P

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/Overdrive%2001-17_zpsdyclv4cm.jpeg)
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: suuper-san on October 16, 2016, 02:03:21 PM
i did a title page, and i made a real life book! (stapled by hand)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive%2001-TB_zpslun4omua.jpeg)

(http://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l627/suupertramp/Overdrive/IMG_20161016_180305_zpsqttxuedg.jpg)

im gonna take a micro break from this to re-learn how to draw again, my art started to get sloppy by the end :P
hopefully i can blast out another chapter in 2 weeks, instead of 4 :P
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: Forlorn Serpent on October 16, 2016, 02:08:25 PM
Did you notice any differences in your manga when it was in print? Like the screentones or layout that you didn't notice when it was digital?
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: suuper-san on October 18, 2016, 02:49:57 PM
hmmm in terms of screentone, i didnt produce a dot pattern for gradients etc, they are just pure colour. i did want to make a photocopyable version, which may have some visual artifacts but i dont know, i will let you know :P

the main thing i noticed was the perceieved scale of things from digital to real isnt always the same. so for example my title page, in real life the characters felt smaller that what i drew them, but the text throughout my manga looked larger in real life than i expected.

mostly overall it felt and looked like what i had drawn. the scale of the book being small (compared to zooming in on digital), the mistakes are a lot less noticable, and it looks a bit more polished that i thought it was.

for my next chapter, i will do some tests first to get the feel of what 1px 2px brushes etc look like when printed. i think i am still using too thick a brush for my main inking, and i dont use much variety of thicknesses when drawing, especially on detail i want to use a thinner brush.

as it turns out my coursework has got heavy with the start of the new year, and i dont even know when i will have the time to draw it now, i will have to focus on the coursework and get that all done first :(
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: legomaestro on October 18, 2016, 03:36:52 PM
You actually printed your manga? Wow, how did you even get the settings to print so well. You're totally in the doujin scene already man.

That video was pretty helpful. The way you made an entire 3d scene just for that background is even more bosslike. I've got to ask again - do you use a tablet or mouse? The lines turn out real well.

The 4komas we're hilarious. I think this sort of humour still applies to me in a way. You might even have the foolish insanity of the Gintama artist in you haha.

Keep it up suuper!
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: suuper-san on October 18, 2016, 04:41:44 PM
@lego i just....printed it lol. i have no idea about settings or anything, i put all the pictures in word, saved as a PDF, and then opened the PDF and printed using the booklet option. i still had to put the paper back in the printer to print the other side and staple it myself, my printer isnt THAT good :P

thanks about the 3d, im going to try to make my models a bit better now that i am used to putting them in the manga, i can spend more time adding more detail etc.
-for 3d in sketchup, i use a mouse
-for drawing, i use a tablet, and occasionally a mouse for some things, like positioning the text

for good lines when inking, i recommend tracing other peoples artworks (because inking a sketch is "basically" tracing), you learn quite a bit about why their art is good and how you can improve.

glad you liked the 4komas, i must say foolish insanity is the direction i seem to be going, despite my plans for serious manga :P

keep your eyes peeled for chapter 2, although coursework will slow me down temporarily :P
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: Walter B on March 15, 2017, 03:57:46 PM
The part when they got their names was funny.


Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: suuper-san on March 15, 2017, 04:35:18 PM
the celebrate by celebrating was deliberate, the lack of sense was the point of that joke, but thanks for pointing it out

the whole point of this manga was so that i could learn how to draw manga, so at the point where i figured out how to tone the hair i figured there wasnt much point in doing it for the rest, it was just taking up time. in my serious manga though i will be more consistent :P

i used Sketchup for the 3d scenery and items, its very good for quick renders.

glad you liked the jokes, i do have a second chapter planned but just coursework is more important haha :P
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: RobotWizardZ on March 25, 2017, 02:50:43 PM
honestly... THIS IS AMAZING. The poses are well done and There are good characters, and everything! I really couldn't think of criticism unless I started nit picking..
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: suuper-san on March 26, 2017, 09:14:40 AM
thanks! i appreciate it!
although if there are things you feel you want to mention, dont hold back!
if you can see something that i missed, then it can help me improve :P
Title: Re: Overdrive!
Post by: Shadilay on April 09, 2017, 05:54:54 PM
there are some really good jokes in here--basically nuking the 4th wall for the entire introductory chapter was a good tactic that was pretty unique from where I'm standing (made me think of Gintama, which is probably the most *unique* in its joke writing)

The personalities of the characters also juxtapose very nicely

You've got a great concept here that I really enjoyed! I hope to see more!