How about this group is formed of all freaky characters that are different from other humans, and want to prove that all monsters are not the same thus they fight the mindless monsters that do evil? They could be compared to our world's freak shows, you know, the groups that travel to carnivals and shows and whatnot to perform. Both are the same in which they long for acceptance. Thus the title "Freak Show" would make sense.The group is composed of humans, half breeds, monsters, and a couple demons, all in the group for their own reasons. An odd assortment indeed, however they are not the primary focus of the story. In fact if I write this as a one-shot then they would only be briefly mentioned.
Your female MC seems a little misplaced and I think it's because of her hair design, albeit unique, I think in order for the hair to not stand out too much in what seems to be a Grimm world (all imo) is to give her stronger eyes.Well my art style is still evolving, but I'll see what I can do.
I can't really think of a unique title seeing as I don't know about the overall focus of the story, but if I had to take a stab at it... Grey."Grey"... I like it. It's simple, yet it suits it.
Full Name: Thomas GreySee the words in red & glow.You might not agree with this, but I think it was a bad idea to describe your characters' personality and background info before you actually write it, and I highly recommend changing that.
Gender: Male
Their age: 17
Species: Half wolf-folk (werewolf), half human.
Background Info: Born from the union of a werewolf and a human and is hunted due to this. His parents died when they were attacked by a stronger monster/demon and held it off so that Thomas could escape. He regrets not helping, but there was nothing he could do.
He is always on the run and rarely socializes with people due to the fact that he would frighten them if they found out what he was. Makes a living by doing odd jobs, stuff like repairing roofs, field work, deliveries, cleaning... Pretty much anything that he could do once and be payed for the work. He didn't want to be tied to any companies in case he had to run.
Their personality: Would prefer to live a quiet life and hates having to be chased everywhere just because he's a half breed. He is a neat freak. Likes to sight see when traveling to new places. He hates fighting and prefers to run when confronted. His relationships end at acquaintance because he doesn't want to betray the trust of others. He tries to act cheerful, but is lonely. Thomas is laid back and is usually passive when it comes to inevitable changes.
Things they like: Calm, rain, early morning walks, cats, clean habitat, cold, sleep.
Things they dislike: Danger, work, bright sunlight, filth, blood, fighting, heat, crowds.
If people don't start offering their thoughts on here, then I'm going to be sending some rude PM's with tongues sticking out mouths, L's over foreheads, and Get Well Soon cards! Robin is an MR Vet who is an active member, let's treat her as family and not as one of these forgettable individuals who comes to the site asking for Dedicated artists to work for free and whatnot...
Ah, yes the terror of Mr. Sparkle...
I'm wary of clicking it. XDAh, yes the terror of Mr. Sparkle...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CiAaEPcnlOg (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CiAaEPcnlOg)
If people don't start offering their thoughts on here, then I'm going to be sending some rude PM's with tongues sticking out mouths, L's over foreheads, and Get Well Soon cards! Robin is an MR Vet who is an active member, let's treat her as family and not as one of these forgettable individuals who comes to the site asking for Dedicated artists to work for free and whatnot...
Initially, anything with Vampires and Werewolves gets me worried, unless there's the themes of purity of the species, heritage, and asserting the dominance of the species. Maybe I'm cynical about it because of Twilight. Jesus, I still get flashbacks :unsure:
How innocent are we talking here? Make sure those hand-holding scenes are censored :cop::tongue:
I sensed art and came to say good job dude! :)Thank you. ;D
I just though I'd mention that I finally had the chance to read the first chapter and the prologue (I kind of procrastinated it at first but there wasn't as much as I thought there would be). anyway, I liked how you set it up and described the scenery. I look forward to more upcoming chapters! :angel:Thank you for giving it a chance. I hope to put more out soon.
Really love all of the work and effort you are putting into this, keep it up Robin!That I will. Thank you.
When I get some free time I'll definitely give it a thorough read and a bit of a review if you would like :)
Well that's some vast improvement on that chapter :clapping:I know, right? XD
Keep it simple and try not to make thing complicated at the start. ^^I don't know what you're talking about... :sure:
Unable to escape her attack range in time the boy rose his arms to take the blow.
I understood it pretty well ... in fact, I don't believe that there is much more to fighting scenes than this, at least for writing them anyway. also:Alright.
Yes.Unable to escape her attack range in time the boy rose his arms to take the blow.
... was he trying to block the attack before it landed?
So... As some of you might have noticed... I am stuck... I am not really sure how to continue the fight... Couple reasons...
One... I'm not sure how to divide the "reveals" into the two/three fights that will be contained within the first few chapters.
Two... Well... Basically put, I'm not that big of a fan of manga where the girl lead fights as the guy's "weapon"... I don't want my story to seem like it'll take that route. Any advice?
So... As some of you might have noticed... I am stuck... I am not really sure how to continue the fight... Couple reasons...
One... I'm not sure how to divide the "reveals" into the two/three fights that will be contained within the first few chapters.
Two... Well... Basically put, I'm not that big of a fan of manga where the girl lead fights as the guy's "weapon"... I don't want my story to seem like it'll take that route. Any advice?
well i can't help much from this perspective but ...
first, as far as the 'reveals' go, i'm not sure who (or what) you plan to reveal during the fight but if it's a good guy, then i don't see why they couldn't just jump into the fight out of the blue. maybe they see a 'damsel in distress' and decide to help ... of course, being jasper, that's not true. if you have trouble making room on who to reveal within the first chapter then maybe hold back any of the characters that don't play an important part until the next chapter, there's always one, but if all else fails you could just post the lengthy chapter if you have trouble cutting back ... to avoid that writers block :blink:
second, well idk how help avoid that (considering the main character is a guy) but it seems like you have jasper be the independent type that fights on her own. if that's the case, and she fights with a guy (i assume Thomas in this scenario?), then just have them each deal an equal amount of damage amongst themselves to the enemy. maybe reverse roles, have the guy lead and jasper finish the fight ... it could go both ways.
well ... that's my thoughts on the matter ... idk if it helped or if i'm way off on the subject but either way, best of luck to you. :angel:
I wrote a lot. Sorry about that. I feel the problem here isn't the story itself but the way you are writing it.Tbh, I'm not very concerned with the writing portion. I'm going to be the one storyboarding and drawing it so, as long as the writing is clear enough to get the gist across, I'm content. My full attention is to the story itself.
I read the chapters (I wouldn't call them that though) and all the other information you provided. It was hard to absorb everything. All i can is that you have scenes ready to be illustrated but not ready to be considered chapters.Other than the prologue, the fragments I have posted are of a single chapter.
I see that you are excited over this project which is great! However, i'm seeing that you are having trouble writing it. You don't have to novelize it. Try and write it in a teleplay/screenplay format. If you want to be a manga writer, this is how they do it. They write the script and have the storyboarder do his/her thing and then the illustrator does his/her thing and so on. If you want to see an example (my backhand way to make you read my projects) :angel: read my stories. Not the novelization versions but the screenplay versions. i should have three up.I tried writing it in script from, which is actually harder for me, so I just write whatever comes to mind.
I don't think you have been given this advice yet. Decide how long your story should be. You can give yourself a rough estimate by this simple formula. What does the Main Character wants. Who is stopping he/she from getting it, and what they have to do in order to get what they want?As I have stated in previous posts I am already aware of the characters goals, general story length, and the ending.
Let's say each of your chapters is like a manga chapter. Each chapter needs an arc. Follow the same formula as above for each chapter. You gave us scenes that are not finished. This means you have more writing to do but like i wrote before, change the way you format it and i think you will have an easier time writing it.
You have all this information and i assume you have an ending ready. If not, every writer should have a beginning and end. The end will sometimes change but if it is good, it serves a guide for the middle part. Some people will say that having an end is bad. Nonsense!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You need an outline before you even write your story or you end up nowhere. You will have a great beginning but stop in frustration because you don't know where to go. Then you move on to another project and repeat the same cycle. It is great that you are creating a world for your story but think of an ending for your story.
What i want you to do (I said with so much audacity ::)) is write a beat sheet for each chapter. Each beat is the event that moves the story forward.I keep a mental list like that, however I have found if I try to give the writing a set path then that is where I get hung up as I don't know how to make the moments flow from one to the next.
This would look like this:
Thomas gets out of carriage
He looks around for a inn
everyone says no.
Homeless man explains why there is no rooms.
Thomas leaves.
This method give you a clear map of what you want each chapter to do. You should do this for the whole story if possible. That way you know where you are going and you already know what will happen next. Plus, it will be a much needed help for me so i can actually evaluate where you are and where you are going.
if you finish your first chapter, post it in the manga creation and create a discussion page. I'll be the first one to critique it. Since this is just developmental and all.This is the development area so yeah development... There is no need to to get critiques on the writing on my story after I've finished writing the part since that would still be "developing it"... The only other topic I will post for this story will be for the finished pages of the prologue.
I didn't see the ending. What is it?You mean the ending to the entire story or the chapter?
To answer your question about your fight scene, just write it, don't think about. If you already know their profiles, just have them do what they are suppose to do. That is why you made profiles right? You have several options to make thomas look like a coward but still want to help. Have him scream tips like, "watch out behind You! while running. Have the girl realize he isn't a threat and protect thomas while he keeps trying to run for safety. Helping a woman doesn't make them "damsels in distress". You need moments of weakness or the audience will never like the character. have him run, she screams in pain, not like "help me" pain but like "i'll kill you when i get the chance" pain scream. He comes back because he thought it would ruin him forever if he didn't help. He already said sorry to a old woman who died. He doesn't want to live in regret if he could do something. If he helps her, not saves her, but helps her, she can keep the i could of done it without you attitude but still have a sense of comradery with him. Or this will be the moment you reveal a small portion of his power or something.Again... like I said I already know what I'm going to do.
If you are concerned over the story being readable, i have to tell you it's hard to tell what's going on. You write "young man" and then you identify him as "boy." Super confusing. You have to write with more details otherwise readers will have no idea what is going on. I don't have any feeling connecting myself with characters. Your tidbits of future chapters and arcs don't help at all since they are generalities and like you said, have major holes between them.Yes, I know, the boy/young man thing is something I plan to change once go back after I complete the chapter. Details will be added as I think of them. I'm going to delete the arcs thing... no point in having it here if I don't update it.
Besides, if you are just story building, just give us the beats and not waste your time writing it if you will just illustrate it yourself. Plus you could possibly waste even more time storyboarding it by having to re draw everything from scratch.... I'm no Nizuma Eiji. Even then that is a horrible idea.
I would just merge what you got so far, it will be easier for everyone.I'm going to do that when I finish the last piece. No point in having everyone reread the same thing over and over before they get to the new part.
You say keep saying stall but i think you are scared to put it into writing. You don't want to commit to your writing because that stops the it's in my head feeling. Having them do what they want is bad because you are not going anywhere with it. Like i said, you will just write and write and then stop because you have nowhere to go. Just like you are now. It's almost been a year now and you still don't have a completed chapter. At least that's when your post was created.I write when I'm satisfied with my idea of how to proceed. If I don't completely like an idea and go to write it I only end up deleting whatever I had written of it anyways. I only recently rebooted this project. It had just been a vague concept when I posted the topic then it got put on a back burner because of other projects and life. And I also have motivation issues so that's why I don't put time into writing/brainstorming very often.
What i want you to do (I said with so much audacity ::)) is write a beat sheet for each chapter. Each beat is the event that moves the story forward.
Oops, i was gonna say something before but it slipped my mindIt's alright. :ninja:
Anyway, based on what i remember (its been a while since i read your work), i recall a good amount of information about Thomas being mentioned; for someone in position anyway. Meaning that he shows up to this village as a mysterious strange looking for a place to stay ... what else is there to mention at this point?That's basically what I was thinking yeah. I got the same opinion from my brother in law too.
Long story short -_- the first chapter, in my opinion, doesnt need to go too deep of an explanation about the characters but addressing the situation at least. I'm assuming that in ch.1, Thomas and Jasper meet up after defeating the enemy and then in ch.2 they chit chat with each other, right? If so then that should be fine, as long as his basics stand out in ch.1 to keep the reader curious about him.
Well i think that was the short version of what i was trying to say :-X hope that helps, i had similar situation within one of my own projects where a lot of info got knocked out of ch.1 and ended up knocking down ch.2 with just information T.T
PS - i totally forgot about the Three-Act structure, now i kinda wanna look back into itI'm going to make a topic about my thoughts on it here shortly. ;)
Just a heads up... I'm gonna be rewriting a part of Chapter 1, Part 1 again. Possibly a few lines of Part 2 as well. We'll see...
Don't worry. I'm actually making progress. Rereading what I wrote gave me an idea that I think improves it a bit, that's all. ;)Just a heads up... I'm gonna be rewriting a part of Chapter 1, Part 1 again. Possibly a few lines of Part 2 as well. We'll see...
rewriting again? just don't get caught up in that Writers Block, it gets really hard to shake off once it happens.
This My Low Lens guy is shaping up to be interesting.Why the name thing? Thanks though.
Does he literally hunt for bounties or did he turn into more of a Punisher type of character?Sorta a punisher who softened a bit... And he does collect the bounties. They gotta eat after all.
Oh this is still going? Seem like it disappeared for a whileIndeed. I've been working on it as a way to de-stress in between classes and such.
At my current pace... probably around 70 years (not an exaggeration, I did some math).
I'll do my best though.
Hey comrade! Just read the prologue.Thank you for reading. I'm glad you liked it.
I'd say it's pretty solid. Sets the setting and the tone pretty well :)
As you go further in your story, or once it's fully written out, you could adjust the prologue to better fit the rest of the story, if need be.
Looking forward to reading the next completed chapter!
As for this. Don't worry about it. After you write the story and make it the best it can be, you could then get people to help you.My time is being eaten up by schoolwork currently, but hopefully that won't last forever. As for working in a team I'd have no idea what I'd even do with that honestly. ^^;
Whatever you current pace is, it won't be constant
Figured I should give an update over here. I'm back to working on this series in with both concept art and writing. I'm completely rewriting what I have posted here as I've changed how things proceed.
For now I think I've settled on Grey being a light novel with a comic adaption farther in the future (likely after I've graduated in two years and can hire an assistant to help with the art). Tentatively I'm looking at publishing the written version series on Tapas, starting early June (I have a lot of work ahead of me).
Due to potential spoilers and the like I will likely not be publicly posting my writing here anymore. That said, for those who are still willing to review my writing, you are more than welcome to see it through pms or Discord.