Manga Writers => Develop Your Story => Topic started by: WhiteCrow on August 19, 2014, 10:38:20 PM


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Title: "The Nine" Snippet
Post by: WhiteCrow on August 19, 2014, 10:38:20 PM
This is a project I've been putting together over the past few weeks, I am most likely going to seek the assistance of a co-writer for it and because of that I wanted to share a snippet of the story so that I could get any thoughts or opinions on it, as well as show any interested parties a small sample of what I'm working on.


The sky had a copper tone as Aura stood in the middle of nine stone pillars, her red hair flew wildly with the wind, covering portions of her dark eyes. She undid a strap on her back and unsheathed a large, metallic red sword, slamming its tip into the ground as she knelt before the pillar that had “9” etched on it.

The sun peaked through a cloud and shun its light on a portion of the gears inside her sword, Aura looked at the pillar and noticed soot spots on it.

“Typical” she muttered under her breath as she grabbed an amulet that was around her neck and closed her eyes.

“I am Aura, and I am number Nine. I kneel before the Ninth Pillar of Hemmington and pray that I be blessed with its power so that I may use it to protect the people of this city and of this world.”

Aura opened her eyes and glared at the pillar fiercely.

“I am Aura… and I am the Ninth Guardian of Earth.”

The purple gem in her amulet began to glow; a feint hum could be heard emanating from it. Aura ripped the amulet off her neck and looked at it before standing up and smashing it into the hilt of her sword.

“I offer this blessing to my companion Gilgamesh!” she yelled as a shockwave of purple energy erupted from where she was standing. She closed her eyes and let out a sigh as another amulet appeared on her neck, this one containing a dull-looking gem in the center.

Aura grabbed her sword and rested it on her shoulder.

“Keizer City shouldn’t be too far so I guess I’ll pray at that pillar next.” She thought.

Aura glanced at the other eight pillars around her as she turned to leave. “Seems none of the other eight have been here to pray in quite some time.”

A loud siren noise began to explode through the city, Aura looked down the road in front of her and saw the homes on each side begin to shift; the sound of gears grinding and smoke shooting out of their chimneys as it happened. A slender man wearing an all-black suit with a black top hat came storming towards her, small dark clouds kept getting kicked up by his feet.


“Ninth… Ninth!” he yelled as he approached. He stopped in front of her and bent over to catch his breath.


“Yes Mayor.” Aura replied in a flat, uninterested tone.


The Mayor pointed behind him as he tried to speak. “Raiders…assaulting citizens…need your help!”


Aura looked past the Mayor and rolled her eyes; she adjusted her sword and walked past him.


“I'll handle me a favor and have someone get the soot off our pillars, you expect our protection yet you don’t RESPECT our sanctuary.” She stated as she walked off.


The Mayor stood up and looked back at her. “I’ll have it done right away Ninth!”


“It’s Aura!” she yelled as she turned her head and looked at the Mayor.


“Au-Aura… right away Ms. Aura!” the Mayor replied.


Aura disappeared into the city as the Mayor looked on, he walked over to the ninth pillar and looked at it.


“She has the fiercest eyes I’ve ever seen.” He said to himself as he ran his finger on the pillar, he looked at his blackened finger. “If she succeeds then I’ll have to have this done by morning.”


Aura calmly strolled through the city as panicked citizens ran past her, she watched as the homes on each side of her continued to shift, gears roaring to life to raise thick metal panels on the roofs to offer protection from any cannon fire.


“I’d heard rumors that Hemmington had respectable protection against cannons.” She said quietly to herself.


She looked up in the sky as a black airship came into view; it was shooting explosive cannonballs to its left and right as a dozen ropes flung over its sides.


Twenty men swung down and landed on the street in front of her, she watched as a male figure leapt off the ship and landed in front of the others; causing a small crater where he stood.


He wore a faded black vest that was left open to show a scar he had on his abdomen, he had tattoos that went from his neck to his wrists, and both his legs were made of rusted metal, when he stepped out the crater; everyone in the vicinity could hear the creek his legs made.


“There she is!” He said in an ecstatic tone as he brushed his hands along his black; slicked back hair. He looked back at his men and pointed at Aura.


“Guys remember this moment, we haven’t seen one of The Nine in these parts in over ten years… and we may not see another for ten more after we’re done with her!”


The man began to laugh as the others joined in; Aura placed the tip of her sword in the ground and rested both hands on it.


“So who are you?” she asked.

The man pulled out a sawed off double barrel shotgun and aimed it at Aura.


“Names Double Shot.” He responded with a confident smile. “And you’re one of The Nine, now I don’t know which one and I don’t care, but what I do care about is how much money I can get for your sword and your dead body.”


Aura rolled her eyes and then pointed to them. “Did you see that? I was just rolling my eyes, which means that I’m not convinced about a word you just said.”


Aura looked at the tip of her hilt and began to tap it. “But what I do wish to know is why they call you Double Shot?”


He kept his gun pointed at Aura as he answered. “Why? Because I enjoy a double shot of everything, double shot of whiskey, double shot of women, and double shots through the chest…” He grinned as he finished his statement.


Aura shifted her neck and cracked it. “Here’s the deal Double Shot.” She used quotations for his name as she looked him in the eyes and continued. “We both know that if you don’t land a blow to my chest then I’m going to put a blade in yours. Deal is, if I do that then your men need to take your dead body and leave this town, maybe they can see how much they can get for it.”


Double Shot looked back at his men and broke out in laugher again. “Ain’t this one a beauty?” he asked as he turned to his men and slapped his metal knee.


“I’m gonna have to put her over my knee and give her a good one!” Double Shot turned to Aura and pointed at her.


“Listen here sweetheart, there’s about fifteen feet between us, if you can somehow manage to put that blade in my chest from there then my men leave. But if I kill you, first I’m gonna take that nice black leather trench coat you got on and make it my own; provided I don’t put too big a hole in it. Then Ima do what I like with you until you take your last breath… sound fair?”


Aura grabbed the hilt of her sword tightly with her left hand. “Fair enough.”


Double Shot fired at Aura, but she had already anticipated the attack and turned in a circular motion with the two slugs passing a few inches away from her waist-length hair.


She pressed on the hilt with her thumb and activated a switch that pushed out the bottom of her hilt, revealing it to be hollow. Steam shot from the hollow point as the gears in her sword roared to life, the base of the blade cracked open and let the tip slide back where it rested on a propulsion system. The blade then clamped back together and took a form similar to that of a gun barrel as Aura completed her 360 spin and pressed a small trigger that appeared on the hilt. Steam propelled the blade tip at an unparallel speed and struck Double Shot dead in the heart, sending him flying towards his men. His lifeless body slid and came to a stop at their feet as Aura smiled.

"Seems I only needed fourteen feet to hit you."

Aura pressed down on the trigger again, within moments a chain link shot out of her blade and latched on to the blade tip that was lodged in Double Shots chest, she pressed the trigger once more and the chain link brought the tip rushing back, it connected with the base and reformed her blade. Aura looked at the men as she put her blade over her shoulder.

"I hope you all intend on leaving soon."...


So that's the snippet, hopefully you can all tell that the story will utilize the SteamPunk setting.
There isn't much story told through the snippet so here is just a little background to it...

-Aura was recently nominated as the new Ninth Guardian of Earth after the sudden murder of her grandfather, as per tradition, she must head to each of the Guardian cities and pray at their respective pillars to receive the blessing (power) of each one.

-The basis of the story stems from the murder of her grandfather, with the rise of a new threat that is so powerful it forces Aura and the rest of The Nine into action.

Title: Re: "The Nine" Snippet
Post by: WhiteCrow on August 27, 2014, 01:25:25 AM
A List of The Nine and their starting blades transformations.

Ninth: Aura: Sword shoots blade tip like a bullet.

Eight: Alonzo: Sword has a hole in it that has these three bars that go from one end of the hole to the next, when his sword transforms it's revealed to be a bow and those bars are actually 3 arrows that have hot metal tips... so their ends are orange and HOT. Get hit and you experience PAIN.

Seventh: Reek: Sword transforms into 9 single slug pistols that are wrapped around a rotating wheel, after each shot, one pistols shoots up and is replaced by the next. Each pistol has a slug that does something different (Explosive Round, smoke round, etc.)

Sixth: Gayle: The middle of his sword shoots out the hilt to become a long range dual bladed staff.

Fifth: Willow: Sword splits in two and becomes metal gloves with three blades sticking out near the knuckle region (Think Wolverine)

Fourth: Bray: Sword transforms into a tri-blade sword.

Third: Protto: Sword becomes a shoulder cannon that shoots medium-sized cannons that Protto carries on his back.

Second: Zax: Sword releases circular blades from the bottom of it that can either be shot directly at someone or shot in the ground and controlled by a chain link attached to it.

First: Neemin: Molten hot metal is in the core of the sword, when he releases it the entire sword becomes hot, allowing it to cut through anything it touches. * Scheduled to change
Title: Re: "The Nine" Snippet
Post by: WhiteCrow on August 27, 2014, 02:36:35 AM
Added more info about The Nine
Title: Re: "The Nine" Snippet
Post by: GingerStark on August 27, 2014, 09:42:44 AM
How long did it take you to think of all this?  :hmm:
Title: Re: "The Nine" Snippet
Post by: WhiteCrow on August 27, 2014, 10:26:36 AM
The names and beginning swords... about 2 weeks.

The concept... over a month.
Title: Re: "The Nine" Snippet
Post by: Robin Ryuu on January 03, 2015, 12:08:26 AM
How does everyone know that Aura is the Ninth Guardian?
Title: Re: "The Nine" Snippet
Post by: WhiteCrow on January 03, 2015, 01:27:24 AM
Everyone in the world is aware of who The Nine are, being that they are the Guardians of the citizens.

They were made aware of Aura becoming the Ninth Guardian after she was given the title following the death (murder) of her Grandfather (The previous Ninth).

Title: Re: "The Nine" Snippet
Post by: Von on January 03, 2015, 02:48:33 AM
Maybe I am wrong but your story look as thé anime Code Geass and their 9 knights.
Title: Re: "The Nine" Snippet
Post by: Robin Ryuu on January 03, 2015, 06:38:03 PM
How were the people "made aware"?
Title: Re: "The Nine" Snippet
Post by: WhiteCrow on January 03, 2015, 07:44:27 PM
Maybe I am wrong but your story look as thé anime Code Geass and their 9 knights.

I honestly have never heard of it
Title: Re: "The Nine" Snippet
Post by: WhiteCrow on January 03, 2015, 07:47:56 PM
How were the people "made aware"?

Email, carrier pigeon, announcement, letters... whichever suits the setting. The time period of this Snippet takes place in the 2nd city she visits. So by that time, word has already spread.
Title: Re: "The Nine" Snippet
Post by: Robin Ryuu on January 03, 2015, 08:28:17 PM
Do the Guardians have some distinguishing mark other than their weapons?
Title: Re: "The Nine" Snippet
Post by: MK on January 03, 2015, 08:30:36 PM
One of them has a scar on their eye.  Like every manga has a guy with a scar on his eye and he is always awesome
Title: Re: "The Nine" Snippet
Post by: WhiteCrow on January 04, 2015, 01:40:30 AM
Lol @ Matsui.


Honestly I haven't put too much thought in to their detailed looks. More so personality than physical appearance is what I've focused on. I haven't even solidified names.
Title: Re: "The Nine" Snippet
Post by: MK on January 04, 2015, 02:50:42 AM
Lets not forget that there will also be a semi disabled person because they would have an eye patch or they are too lazy to cut the hair in front of one of their eyes.  *venting rage*  GIRLS JUST BECAUSE IT LOOKS HOT DOESN'T MEAN IT WILL HELP YOU IN FIGHTS *rage successfully vented*
Title: Re: "The Nine" Snippet
Post by: WhiteCrow on January 04, 2015, 04:43:30 AM
Lmao, relax Matsui! Take a breathe. I can assure you that there will not be a main character with hair impeding their view... but eye patch... hmmm....

Either way. I've got to get detailed with this story. Start conjuring up physical features... i think I will also incorporate some names from ppl I know. Maybe a Robyn or Matsui or Ginger or Lego... endless...
Title: Re: "The Nine" Snippet
Post by: MK on January 04, 2015, 04:49:07 AM
Matsui=last name just so you know XD.  In Japan they say family name first which is why I put it like this.  So if you wanted you could just name the character Kenshin, Kenny, etc
Title: Re: "The Nine" Snippet
Post by: Roshiro Byakko on January 04, 2015, 04:55:51 AM
I like that your entertaining the idea of naming characters after our community. It's a nice sentiment.

As Matsui said, keep that hair out of the way!
Title: Re: "The Nine" Snippet
Post by: WhiteCrow on January 04, 2015, 05:10:20 AM
My thing is... can I use Japanese of Chinese names in a steam punk setting? I mean, how would a steam punk Japan setting look? Plus, I've already shown that my knowledge on the culture isn't that vast, so how would I approach that?
Title: Re: "The Nine" Snippet
Post by: MK on January 04, 2015, 05:13:30 AM
In the anime world everyone in every country happens to know Japanese sk a setting in china is fine with Japanese characters.  Just have a scene describing that Japan got too populated and had to move to China or something like that.  Chinese sphere of influence invaded Japan, etc etc
Title: Re: "The Nine" Snippet
Post by: Roshiro Byakko on January 04, 2015, 05:15:32 AM
^The man speaks the truth.

Title: Re: "The Nine" Snippet
Post by: NO1SY on January 04, 2015, 06:16:45 AM
Steampunk Japan sounds cool as hell!