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Author Topic: A group project  (Read 87 times)

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Offline bossx5

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A group project
« on: September 13, 2019, 10:23:32 PM »
Here is an idea i been thinking of and its free for us all to work to gather on. The beginning takes place at a preschool with a carefree youn boy. His life has been difficult due to his fathers drive to make him the best leading to him always under achieving instead of being cruel like his father he is very caring to all. On his way home from school he sees a homeless woman being attacked and because of his nature he tries to help leading to him being beaten to death.

When his eyes open he is still in the world of the living along with him a beautiful woman who tells him he is an idiot and his death was his on fault not hers or the men who attacked her. She goes on to say he can never rest in peace do to his kindnessher exact words are "humans were never ment to help everyone such foolishness its ment for higher beings.

This leads to the young boy becoming something he is not a tormentor. A being who exist to punish humans no matter if the are good or evil. And to make matters worse his first person is his father although he is cruel to him he still loves him.

That is a rough idea of the story but to make it a group project we all find strange ways to torment people. The rules are the torment cant be directly linked to the victims death thats it. (I know its a dark concept) but its like a story of balance we will see if he succumb to his dark job or reach a state of peace.

If your intrested post an idea and lets get this thing going if no one is intrested I'll try on my own i just thought this would show each other our range. And if you think its a good idea. Last thing the torment doesnt have to be violent it can be physiologic.

Offline Coryn

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Re: A group project
« Reply #1 on: September 15, 2019, 07:07:07 PM »
So to me, this sounds a LOT like a personification of Death kinda story. Am I anywhere close to the money? Because if so, I definitely have some thoughts to offer. If it's just a judgement/response thing, I will have to think on it.

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Offline suuper-san

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Re: A group project
« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2019, 05:40:08 PM »
Firstly, interesting idea.
But I have a question for literally every sentence you posted.
I'm curious about why exactly he HAS to become a tormentor? how does he feel about doing it, is he forced to do it? How many other people are tormentors? there's plenty of stupid deaths by people being drunk and stuff, trying to help someone isn't stupid (although that's the womans opinion?). So are figherfighters/police/soldiers there because they die trying to help others?
This is punishing humans that are still alive? so that's like karma? how would it happen? can he materialize stuff out of thin air, or manipulate events to cause a car crash? or make someone get beat up?
Plus this is a preschooler, so like super young? That's a creepy premise for sure.
Also that beautiful woman is a bit of a depressing killjoy, which is neither good nor bad as far as writing goes.

I'll pass on the torture methods XD
although, having my wifi crash when I'm posting a long post, or having my power crash when I haven't saved in the last 2 hours of drawing would be enough to qualify as torture :P
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Offline bossx5

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Re: A group project
« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2019, 06:14:51 PM »
Well to start a tormentor is a being that keeps life from being perfect so your wifi issue can count it ranges from petty to well gruesome. The story has dark tones but its not like a preschooler is pulling someone nails off i agree that would be dark. The other thing is he hates it the beautiful woman and the homeless woman are the same person or being i was think she is like the queen/king of gods who likes to experience life among mortals in diffrent forms.

The reason the boy gets this is because he knew he coudn't fight off one grown man but 4 is way out of reach knowing he would lose is like suicide so instead of sending him to the underworld she punish him in this way (for ruining her fun). Also good people are also on the list (the names of people he is to target).

In the end i want him to wake up from a coma all events happened but god was teaching him balance in life and dont throw away life (the coma last about a year or two but time works diffrent in the spirit realm). I know it is a cheesy ending but like you said that would be dark making a preschooler a tormentor for all existence for trying to help.

Offline Coryn

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Re: A group project
« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2019, 11:09:58 PM »
Hmm... I definitely like the idea of someone being required to help maintain a sort of cosmic balance. Having an afterlife "job" or purpose is pretty solid as premises go. You see it here and there, but never often enough that it becomes cliche. Plus it allows you to explore themes about our nature. That thing that drives us to have purpose. It doesn't necessarily sound like you're taking that path, so I'll digress.

The coma/all a dream thing I definitely a cop out, but I won't say not to use it for that reason. Cliches are cliches because they contain merit to begin with. However if you're taking the approach that the whole thing is still influenced by higher beings, it seems more interesting if the coma is replaced with something more in line with that. Maybe he has to find a way to escape his new lot in life, and that involves bending his new powers in such a way that he can resurrect himself.

Just some thoughts. Good luck!

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF