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Total Members Voted: 2

Author Topic: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop (CLOSED)  (Read 61990 times)

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Offline GreenTrap

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 12
« Reply #195 on: August 12, 2017, 07:14:28 AM »
A military base? Depends on what time period and culture you're going for if you want specifics  :hmm:

Offline OhGodHelpMe

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 12
« Reply #196 on: August 12, 2017, 10:43:28 AM »
My entire week was filled with hard, late work  :ninja: As such, I passed out right away as soon as I got home. But I'm getting to those reviews today and working on a big chapter for my story.

Offline shishi02

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 12
« Reply #197 on: August 12, 2017, 01:05:25 PM »
@Feedback:

Yes, I noticed the same feedback about my confusion with past and present tense. Can anyone help me how to see those problems in my story so the next time I will write, I won't have that kind of issue much. I want to write properly as well.

Offline Operative13

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 13 REVIEW SESSION
« Reply #198 on: August 12, 2017, 03:07:41 PM »
Day 13

Our last review session before the Second Community Vote!  :o Excited yet? We're about a quarter done with our workshop by now, and things are starting to slow down around here  8) Use the extra time you have over this weekend to get writing on your stories and get those reviews in  ;) As for now, I'll see you all at the next Vote.

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Offline shishi02

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 13 REVIEW SESSION
« Reply #199 on: August 12, 2017, 04:29:54 PM »
@mohadis and froppy:

I have updated my review about your latest chapters. I apologise for the vague and sloppy review that I did.

Offline OhGodHelpMe

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 13 REVIEW SESSION
« Reply #200 on: August 12, 2017, 04:47:27 PM »
The Coming Storm - Op 13
Spoiler
Ah nice, we're in your usual universe! That kind of gives me an air of familiarity with everything (and makes me question why I didn't start up another story from the 6 Cataclysms universe  :unsure:)

Didn't you get the most votes last community vote session? It becomes clear why when you start reading it. You have a way with introducing settings and characters, and then making those characters interact with each other in engaging ways. The scenes were well described as well as the people involved, all without feeling like we're being dragged along a sea of mundane detail. I really liked the little tale at the end of the first chapter, about getting shelled on the first day of deployment without even being able to fire at the enemy. Probably because that happens a lot in war, and was especially the case in WWI. Loads of young men trained to go fight in what was practically a meat grinder, told they'd make a difference for their country, and they end up getting shot, gassed, or shelled in the very first trench they sit their asses in.

It nails home the realistic brutality of war in the universe. It sets up a clear divide between the lives of ideals of the average folk vs what's preached by the politicians who seem to live in the clouds. Everyone experiences different social pressures, and with it, different perspectives. That's what makes the story interesting to me.

Anyway, I'm not surprised you wrote a good piece, but good job!  :thumbsup: Can't wait to continue this bad boy


Forever in Our Dreams - Krurisuchristina
Spoiler
With a dream so abstract, I'm not sure what to say or think about it  :unsure: The narrative establishes a connection between Sasha and the boy, perhaps a person from his past or an embodiment of a section of his subconscious that he cast aside to cope with something. That last one is a bit of a stretch, but I'm just trying to make sense of everything. Not that it's a bad thing that something doesn't immediately make sense. That's why so many shows are popular long after they've aired, because we don't know what the hell we saw but it confused us and made us feel things.

Hmm, was Sasha embarrassed he took a joke so seriously or was he having lewd thoughts about scoring some young, shota booty? Maybe he was thinking "hmmm...he's cute enough" or something  :clapping: I just thought that part was humorous. I would've put more detail in the feeling of getting his throat slit. Of course that's hard to do since you most likely have no idea what it's like to get your throat slit and I'm pretty sure sensations like that are dulled in dreams, but I do know that getting cut with a knife in any capacity burns like hell. Describe the feeling of being enveloped in confused terror as he exsanguinated (fancy word for bleeding profusely) through his neck, and then waking up perfectly fine.

Noticing the word count, I'd say you shouldn't worry about it. See, I doubt my story is going to end up being novel length and I'm not going to try to force it to be that way. Write as you feel the urge to, so you ensure that you only produce good content. As you get more absorbed in your own world, the pace will naturally pick up. At least for me it does.

Anyway, good job on Part 5  :clapping:

Offline Mohadis1

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 13 REVIEW SESSION
« Reply #201 on: August 13, 2017, 02:06:05 PM »
guess i just want to say ill be quitting the workshop I may still post on my story but I'm leaving the workshop
expect vs reality
mcdonalds   kfc
coke         pepsi
fun             life

Offline Operative13

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 14 Community Vote
« Reply #202 on: August 13, 2017, 02:17:27 PM »
With Mohadis1's departure, that brings our numbers down to a total of 5. This no longer makes it feasible to retain groups as the number of reviews per story is less than 2. Therefore, in my infinite wisdom, I shall be disbanding all groups from here-on out. I will instead be merging everyone into a single group starting next Review Session on Tuesday. This effectively means that we will be writing 4 reviews every session starting Tuesday, however the groups for last session are still in effect. Do get your reviews done for your current group as the OP directs. Volunteers willing to review the Fantasy Light members are welcome  ;D
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Offline Operative13

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 14 Community Vote
« Reply #203 on: August 13, 2017, 02:23:39 PM »
SECOND COMMUNITY VOTE


Welcome one and all to the Novel Marathon Workshop's Second Community Vote! Now is the time for the MangaRaiders Community to come together and for us writers to showcase the progress of our magnificent stories! You have taken many strides to come this far in such a short period, however the journey has just only begun...

Here before you stands the authors of the Writers Novel Marathon Workshop! Travel their worlds, discover new adventures, and explore beyond the great reefs of imagination! Be free to discuss openly your favorite among them, and choose the one you believe best to be worthy of the title Best MangaRaiders Novel! Thus far...

Without further delay, here are their stories!

“To give of oneself is the noblest of all acts.”

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Offline Operative13

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 15
« Reply #204 on: August 14, 2017, 03:27:11 PM »
Day 15

Last day to get your reviews in for Saturday's Review Session.  :D Also the last day before the 2nd Community Vote closes  :D Other than that, good luck to everyone on their novels.  8)
“To give of oneself is the noblest of all acts.”

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Offline Operative13

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 15
« Reply #205 on: August 15, 2017, 06:51:33 AM »
Sincerely, Your Dearest Phantom - OhGodHelpMe: 2nd Review
Here, I begin to dive deeper into the mystery behind the imitation world built for Shiya. An opposing actor is introduced that vows to interrupt the "transfer process" that Yonaka had so desperately hoped for, and sheds doubt in her own cause. More development between Shiya and Yonaha is made, something quite welcoming from the drastic escalation in the classroom scene, although I did hope it'd be more than just a single slash from Daedalus: the wrap-up felt quite anti-climatic, save for the important details learned from the angel's talk.

Brilliant emphasis on some aspects of the story, such as the constant referral to "Our Mother" and the beckoning of the transfer consuming Shiya. It hints at some darker element behind all this, and perhaps the protagonist we are inclined to follow through this tale may not be who she really is. The fact that the main character had only been referred to as "Yonaka" for this entire scenario up to this point could give way to some holes in the "imitation world". For the moment, many things lie in the dark. Why is the routine important? What forces are at play beyond their control? What is the cause behind all this? And why is Shiya so important?

Aside from the few typos that are bound to arise, this is a fine addition to the progressing story  8) It always seems that as one trouble springs up and dissipates, another takes its place... makes me wonder why Yonaka isn't taking a more active role instead of hoping on Daedalus to fix everything for her...  :-\

Forever in Our Dreams, By Krurisuchristina has yet to be updated as of the current Review Session.
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Offline GreenTrap

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 15
« Reply #206 on: August 15, 2017, 12:22:32 PM »
OhGodHelpMe- first two parts
- A very interesting set up with fantastic descriptions of the world! I'm always gonna say the moon is in a fetal position now  :tongue: It's grabbed my interest since you see this happy girl who is over-achieving in her studies but with the perspective of the outsider and ther "We can't get a 2nd shot at this" you can dread what's gonna happen.

-Reminds me of that vampire anime, called Rosario or Bible Black I think? Anyways, by tying in an already well known history/mythology into the story, you've set up symbolic links between that and your characters which makes the reading more digestible yet gives readers clues as to what's gonna happen. I mean, if I saw a guy called Icarus then I know he's gonna reach to high for his goal and get burnt.

-Curious question, if you could get this drawn, what artstyle would you have?

-Not a bad beginning however. No doubt I'll have more to comment on once I've read the whole thing. Good job!

Offline OhGodHelpMe

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 15
« Reply #207 on: August 15, 2017, 12:42:12 PM »
The Coming Storm - Op 13 Parts 2-6
Spoiler
HELL YEAH, SCHOOL GIRLS  8)

You may laugh and sneer at it now, but when war kicks off and the islands are decimated, schoolgirls will be responsible for breeding the future generations. As someone who enjoys writing about rather frowned upon or verboten kinks, I found that part hilarious. Now, if we go all the way and start flirting with straight up lolis  :ninja:

Reading these parts felt like a breeze, really. The scenes are so focused and the dialogue so smooth that you end up reading through the chapters like a hot butter through knife, or a knife through hot butter. There's always a human side to whatever political mess or conflict is happening in the background, always working to personalize the characters and give them motivations instead of simply being soldiers. Who wouldn't feel for a concerned little sister who just wants to spend more time with her big bro?

You're very skilled at telling a story from multiple sides and points of view, I've noticed. Really gives a round perspective to everything happening, so the reader sees the chain of events clearly, or at least from the perspective of a set of characters with different roles, but ultimately on the same general side of the issue. I didn't recall any typos or weird grammatical errors in my reading either. Probably just like one or two sentences with a weird flow, but I don't remember which parts they were in and they weren't that big a deal anyway. I'm no grammar nazi unless we're talking about simple possessive words being confused with abbreviated subject phrases like Whose and Who's or It's and Its.

Nice work  :clapping: :clapping:


Offline OhGodHelpMe

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 15
« Reply #208 on: August 15, 2017, 12:51:19 PM »
@GreenBeverage
Honestly, probably something close to Shigurui Death Frenzy's artstyle, with a strong emphasis on realistic, yet exaggerated symbolic lighting/shading.







Just maybe a little bit lighter on detail and cuter for the girls, but definitely retaining that look. I imagine a fetal moon would look extremely eerie in this artstyle

Offline Operative13

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 16 REVIEW SESSION
« Reply #209 on: August 15, 2017, 02:19:04 PM »
Day 16

Welcome to the 3rd Week of the Writers Novel Marathon Workshop! By this time, your stories should be significantly packed and heading out of the introduction phases  :D This day also means we are officially a third of the way through  ;)

Congratulations to everyone on the Community Vote! There was less activity than the last time, but hopefully more people will start to pick it up as we move along our respective stories  8) Here are the Final Scores:

Real Heroik - By GreenBeverage0 (0)

Forever in Our Dreams - By Krurisuchristina0 (0)

Sincerely, Your Dearest Phantom - By OhGodHelpMe (4)

The Coming Storm - By Operative13 (0)

By Heart, By Soul - By shishi02 (2)

Starting this week, there will be no more designated writing group. Everyone will be required to write a review for everyone else, which means 4 reviews every session.  :ninja: Hopefully you all have been marking your stories on the parts to review: This will be crucial in speeding up the review process. I certainly don't expect people to shift through so many words and write an in-depth review in just 2 days, so most of it will be quick and spiffy, just touching on the important points  8)

Current Writers Group
GreenBeverage
Krurisuchristina*
OhGodHelpMe
Operative13
shishi02*

And to wrap it up for today, Obligatory Lectures!  :biggrin:
Brandon Sanderson Lecture 8
« Last Edit: August 15, 2017, 02:30:03 PM by Operative13 »
“To give of oneself is the noblest of all acts.”

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