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Author Topic: Endlessness  (Read 1309 times)

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Offline suupertramp

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Endlessness
« on: October 30, 2016, 05:51:51 PM »
well, this was actually what overdrive was meant to be, a QUICKLY drawn test manga with a legitimate story.
i got sort of carried away with the quality and wasted quite a bit of time on stuff that didnt improve my skill.

this manga is meant to be really just practicing layout, paneling and stuff, mostly flow of story. there will still be cliches, but no 4th wall stuff.

Please dont critique art quality of any kind, i drew these at mach 4 :P
but feel free to critique layout, characters, speech, panels etc :)

heres the first 4 pages. took 2 hours, but i want to work faster still :P

...updated to 19 pages

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« Last Edit: November 05, 2016, 04:36:15 AM by suupertramp »

Offline suupertramp

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Re: Endlessness
« Reply #1 on: October 31, 2016, 09:54:21 AM »
added 2 pages. still took an hour to do the both :(
let me know if you can't read the text, or if its too messy handwriting :P

Spoiler



Offline Forlorn Serpent

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Re: Endlessness
« Reply #2 on: October 31, 2016, 10:26:44 AM »
I don't know if it's just me, but some pages look likes it overloaded with text. I don't read school mangas so I don't know if that is normal.

Since this is a "manga", are you already aware that motion moves right to left in manga? It never occurred to me until after I studied children's book in college.


The panel work look good. I couldn't do better  :tongue:

Since there is an emphasis in the dream in the first page, I think the wake up panel should be smaller. Right now it equals the landscape panel.

I don't know, I'm still learning.

Offline suupertramp

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Re: Endlessness
« Reply #3 on: October 31, 2016, 10:45:06 AM »
thanks for your insight.
yes all my manga is right to left. did you find something that felt out of place?

well some school mangas can be super loaded like school rumble with like 8+panels per page with text and speech, whereas others can be less of course. 

looking back i do think perhaps i loaded it too much with text on some pages, maybe if i used font rather than handwriting it would have felt less, or made it easier to read.

latest page 7 took 25 mins :P
Spoiler


« Last Edit: October 31, 2016, 10:47:04 AM by suupertramp »

Offline Forlorn Serpent

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Re: Endlessness
« Reply #4 on: October 31, 2016, 10:58:00 AM »
About the right to left motion, the girl looks out in the first page panel, to the left, but then she walks to the right, which creates a motion contradiction. Looking or moving left means progress, right means regress.

To fix it the motion problem, flip the second panel.

You can see what I mean about motion by watching anime intros vs western intros.

Also to help your over the shoulder shots,
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/180-degree_rule

Offline suupertramp

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Re: Endlessness
« Reply #5 on: October 31, 2016, 04:54:23 PM »
ahhhhh, i had not noticed about the motion in shots as well, thats very handy to know. i was sort of aware about changing direction, but didnt realise it had such a large impact, thanks for pointing that out. the article was helpful, i read a couple of links from it on other filming things as well which explained a lot of things :P

if i ever do a re-edit i will flip that panel , but otherwise i will keep those things in mind when doing my next pages :P

Offline suupertramp

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Re: Endlessness
« Reply #6 on: November 01, 2016, 05:55:39 PM »
tried to keep the 180 degree thing in mind :P

latest, pages 8 to 11, took 25 minutes each :P
i noticed not doing 4th wall humor is refreshing :P
my computer is filling up with screen recordings :P

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Offline Forlorn Serpent

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Re: Endlessness
« Reply #7 on: November 02, 2016, 04:41:18 AM »
I just noticed this, 12 students in a class room?! Are you trying to make this into a sitcom?  :tongue: because tv always make it look like it has more when they have an unrealistic amount of students.

I'm not liking the choice of having 50 to 70% of a head in panel. In the last page, it gives off an emotion of embarrassment or uncertainty but that is too strong of an emotion for the scene.

I fell like a d-bag right now saying all this  :blush:. In the last page, top panel, the perspective awkward as in you are placing the camera in a awkward angle. You are giving the character equal focus when I think you should stick to one. I think you should only give equal focus when they mutually share the same reaction to a situation like if they are both scared or excited at the same time.

Offline BobbyJoeXForgotenSB

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Re: Endlessness
« Reply #8 on: November 02, 2016, 08:11:16 PM »
i was going to say, the number of students in a class is not really that important, when i was in highschool i had a full class in one  but the next class theres only 4 students(seemed to always be an important class like english or math), some classes could only fit 12 students

Offline legomaestro

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Re: Endlessness
« Reply #9 on: November 03, 2016, 08:39:53 AM »
The poor dude. Disbanding clubs are the worst. But I never did participate that much in them. Nothing quite caught my interest.

This is really cool stuff Suuper. You're churning out the pages like mad, and they already defeat what I do after toiling away haha. You have a skill for these things.

I like how the characters are actually taking their time to talk. I'm wondering if the dream in the beginning really was significant or it's a slice of life. Nice careful storytelling there.

Keep it up!

Offline suupertramp

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Re: Endlessness
« Reply #10 on: November 03, 2016, 08:54:10 AM »
@forlorn
Are you trying to make this into a sitcom? 
haha no comment, i'm just letting the manga flow whatever way it wants. the number of students will probably change per shot, its just a random background at the moment. in my head i did imagine a larger number, but i dont want to draw 20 of everything everytime :P

I'm not liking the choice of having 50 to 70% of a head in panel.
if you mean when half the head is cut out of the panel, im not too keen on it either, i just wanted a bit of panel variety, and couldnt think of anything else :P

I fell like a d-bag right now saying all this
your opinion is important as a reader and your insight as a fellow artist helps a lot, regardless of what you say :)

You are giving the character equal focus when I think you should stick to one.
ahhhhh, i will watch out for that in the future, thanks

i was going to say, the number of students in a class is not really that important
in real life yes i agree, but i think in mangas small class sizes focus on everyone a lot more equally than if the class size was larger. there are exceptions of course, and its probably different for each story/autor anyway
incidentally my class size was 12 students in one year at school :P

@lego
they already defeat what I do after toiling away haha.
thanks, but i really disagree, your mangas have a lot more energy and the characters are a lot more unique i think. i cant seem to get away from generic :P
although i am proud of my speed, but i lose a lot of quality for it :P

I'm wondering if the dream in the beginning really was significant or it's a slice of life
Spoiler
I'm not telling :P

Nice careful storytelling there.
thanks, i dont plan too far ahead as in exact plot so a lot comes to me when drawing the page.

latest:page 12
its starting to be a gag a page, but at least there is story :P
Spoiler


« Last Edit: November 03, 2016, 08:57:43 AM by suupertramp »

Offline legomaestro

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Re: Endlessness
« Reply #11 on: November 03, 2016, 09:09:12 AM »
Haha keeping the cards close to the chest I see. Understood. I don't like spoilers anyway.

You see!? Sometimes scripting everything just doesn't work haha.

Oh oh. Don't tell me she's a secret yandere or something.

Offline suupertramp

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Re: Endlessness
« Reply #12 on: November 03, 2016, 05:42:31 PM »
haha well i am not too sure of the story to be honest, i have been juggling ideas for ages. partly because i have serious ideas that i dont want to use up, but at the same time, if it suits this story i dont think i can avoid not using it :P

i am currently about 6-10 pages ahead in my planning, but nothing written down, just in my head :P

sorry, no yandere in any version of this story, although now that i think about it.......... :P

latest pages 13 and 14, took 42 minutes (haha well i recorded it i just look at the video length :P)
my first 14 page manga last year took 40 hours to do, so far at 14 pages this one has taken 7 hours :P

funny though i used the same pen settings for every page so far , but some appear a lot bolder than others. i must be either not using the right settings accidentally or pressing really hard or soft without realizing it. drawing when tired cant help i guess.
Edit: i found out that i did use a thinner brush, no idea how though :P i might use a thinner one from now on, because it looks nicer i think :P

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« Last Edit: November 03, 2016, 05:58:49 PM by suupertramp »

Offline suupertramp

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Re: Endlessness
« Reply #13 on: November 05, 2016, 04:35:57 AM »
i would have uploaded yesterday but photobucket was down for maintenance.....

so here is pages 15-19, i did 2 this morning and its not 9am yet so a good start to the day :P

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Offline legomaestro

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Re: Endlessness
« Reply #14 on: November 07, 2016, 11:38:41 AM »
Haha really like the expressions as always. And yikes that's quite a bit of pages already!