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Author Topic: Payment as Due [Short(?) Story Idea]  (Read 651 times)

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Offline Philosotaku

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Payment as Due [Short(?) Story Idea]
« on: September 01, 2016, 12:52:38 AM »
So here's a random, story idea I came up with not long ago and decided to put some writing to. I thought I'd make a few scene snippets so people can get to know me more as a writer. It's not my best work, but it should give people an idea of where I stand.

That said, I'm not sold on Gabriella's name. I think Vinnie works great for him but that's going to bother me for a while.

A man in his mid-twenties leans on a wall while reading a newspaper in the slums of Giddier. The streets are almost empty, barring a few puddles from yesterday's rain, and only the sounds of the nearby sweatshops can be faintly heard. Plumes of blackened smoke raise from the chimneys of nearby houses and the town reeks of soot. A commotion echos in the distance as a group of people round a corner nearby. The man peeks over the top of his newspaper to inspect the situation.

"Shut up! I told you that your job is only to guard me and that's final!"

Across the street and to the right walks a woman in her early twenties with beautiful, golden locks and a fancy dress accompanied by two large men in full black suits and matching hats. The man with the newspaper raises an eyebrow and whistles quietly at the woman's beauty. His eyes then dart toward the left where a boy in overalls looking down at a watch briskly walks toward the woman and her bodyguards. The two parties come closer and closer until one of the body guards moves in front of the woman just before they would collide. The boy, not looking where he's going, is shoved aside and into the gully by the bodyguard out in front. The man with the newspaper shakes his head, folding the newspaper and placing on end in his back pocket. He jogs over to where the boy now lays. The boy, still in shock from his departure from the sidewalk, slowly gets up rubbing his head as the man reaches him. The man bends down next to the boy and puts his hand on his back.

"You ok, kid?" the man asks.

"Yeah, I should be fine, sir."

The man turns his attention to the group that has passed them. He shouts at them to get their attention.

"Hey, you! Lady!"

The woman stops and looks over her shoulder with a cold face, the bodyguards moving out of the way so she can look at the man addressing her.

"Aren't you going to have your man apologize for hurting a poor boy who didn't mean any harm?"

The woman stares at the man speaking to her with a look mixed between astonishment and disgust. She points at the boy with an air of superiority.

"Why should I have my men apologize when that child was the one who wasn't paying attention to his surroundings? If anything, he should be apologizing for almost running into me."

Hearing this the boy puts his hand on the man's leg and shakes his head signalling to give it up. But the man is undeterred.

"Sure, he was in the wrong there but that doesn't give anyone the right to send him flying off his feet. No one owns the sidewalk, you know."

The woman scoffs and fully turns around to address her advisory.

"I don't think you understand who you're dealing with. My name is Gabriella Murillo, daughter of Franco Murillo--the man who oversees this area by command of the King. If anyone owns this sidewalk, it would be me."

The man is taken aback for a second but soon his eyes thin and he begins to smirk as if holding something in. Suddenly he starts laughing.

"What's so funny about what I said!?" the woman huffs.

The man collects himself and stands upright, helping the man with the overalls to his feet. He then squares off against the woman.

"So you're one of those types, huh?"

"One of what types? Choose your words carefully, swine."

"Oh, you know, the kind that lives in the lap of luxury in their ivory tower away from the worries of the world. Us hardworking folk are nothing in the eyes of you aristocrats. I bet you haven't had a day of suffering in your life."

"Excuse me!?" the woman exclaims in offended disbelief.

"You heard me," the man continued, "all those days of never feeling any kind of pain has left you spoiled rotten."

Immediately one of the guards places his arm in front of the woman while the other cracks his knuckles.

"Leave this to us, Milady. There's no excuse for trash like him to be badmouthing someone of your status."

The two begin to move toward the man but he stands his ground.


The guards continue to move toward the man now raising their arms in preparation to pummel him.

"I said wait!"

The two men turn back at Gabriella who has called off their attack.

"But Milady? He--"

"That's enough," the she says sternly. "I will not prove this man right by denying him the manners he believes I lack."

The man with the newspaper smiles coyly.

"Color me impressed, lady. You're pretty smart. But you don't get points for fixing a problem right after you've been told about it. Who says you'll stay that way once you leave?"

"Who says I'm not that way regularly?" Gabriella replies casually.

"Oh yeah? Prove it."

"And why do I have to prove anything to you?"

The man grins devilishly. With arms open wide he response with with utmost confidence.

"I'll tell you what--if you can prove to me that you're not a spoiled brat then I'll become your slave for the rest of my life."

The four other people on the street take a moment to process what had just been proclaimed. They look at each other for reassurance that they had all heard the same thing, dumbfounded that anyone would ever do something that brazen. Overcoming his dumbfoundedness, one of the guards speaks up.

"A-Are you crazy?"

"Crazy?" the man replies. "Maybe. Or maybe I truly think I can't lose."

The woman's lips being to curl into a greedy grin.

"Are you sure you're willing to take that gamble?" Gabriella asks. "I'm generous enough to allow you to take that back, but only once."

"More sure than anything I've ever been in my life," he replies. "Give me one week of studying you and at the end of it I'll give you my honest thoughts."

"And how do I know that you'll tell the truth? Or even that you're not looking to take advantage of this deal? I am the daughter of a very rich man, after all."

"By all means, lady, if it makes you feel better I'll even sign a contact and keep notes that you can look at whenever you want. If I go against my word you can shoot me on the spot."

Again the group looks on in shock as what seems to be the words of a madman ring in their ears. The guards turn to Gabriella for direction but she has the same bewildered expression plastered on her face. Gabriella shakes her head to snap herself back to reality and stares into the man's eyes. Nothing. Not a hint of fear. Gabriella beings to laugh, nervously at first, but then bursting out into an obviously forced laugh of triumph.

"Very well, then," she begins. "If you want to throw your life away that badly then I will gladly fulfill your wish. What is your name?"

"My name? Yeah, I guess you need that sort of thing. Sorry for not introducing myself earlier. The name's Vincent. Vincent Heartway. But my friends call me Vinnie."

"Well then, Vinnie," Gabriella says with venom, "it seems we have an agreement. If you do not contact my residence within twenty-four hours I will have every policeman in the county out for your head for crimes against my family. But if you do then you will be given temporary stay at my mansion while our deal is playing out. We will establish the conditions of our contract after you are settled in."

"Sounds great," Vinnie adds, "but are you going to give me something to contact you or what?"

Gabriella snaps her finger.

"Gastolf, my card."

Gastolf, the guard who pushed the boy over earlier, glances at Gabriella again, a look of sheer denial.

"But Milady, you're not seriously--"

Gabriella cuts him off.

"My card, Gastolf."

Gastolf looks back and forth between Gabriella and Vinnie. A moment after he hesitantly begins to move toward Vinnie, slowly reaching into his coat pocket and producing a contact card. He trudges up to Vinnie and sheepishly extends his arm with the card. Vinnie casually grabs the end of the card but Gastolf doesn't let go.

"If it were me I'd have you sitting in a pool of your own blood right now," Gastolf growls quietly.

"It's ok, Stolfie. Maybe next time," Vinnie replies cheerfully.

Gastolf shoots him a deadly glare and turns toward Gabriella to walk away.

"Very good," Gabriella concluded. "That settled I've spent far too much time here and must be on my way. Good day, sirs, and I do hope you understand what you've gotten yourself into, Vincent. I will not be merciful."

With that Gabriella and her two henchmen turn and begin to walk away.

"Watch you step, lady," Vinnie shouts. "You wouldn't want to ruin your dress!"

As the three move off into the distance the boy from before stands in a trance-like state, in complete awe of what he had just witnessed. Vinnie turns to the boy and puts his hands into his pockets while smiling.

"Don't you have somewhere to be, boy?"

The boy, started, snaps out of his daze and looks at his pocket watch again and realizes he's extremely late.

"Shoot! I have to go!"

The kid begins to run away but soon stops and turns back at Vinnie who is looking in the direction Gabriella left in.

"Hey, sir?!"

Vinnie looks back at the boy who is standing there, perplexed.

"Thanks a lot for looking out for me, but are you sure you're gonna be ok? I mean, you basically just sold your soul! I don't think you would do that for no reason. What could you have possibly gained from that?"

Vinnie looks closes his eyes and shakes his head with a large grin on his face. He then turns back to the boy and with a huge smile proclaims:

"That, kid, is how you get a date with someone who is way out of your league."

To Be Continued...?
Everyone is the hero of their own life. But I'm the only main character in the world.
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Offline Vikings1428

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Re: Payment as Due [Short(?) Story Idea]
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2016, 11:57:10 PM »
I like it. Is this a romance? Lol

Offline Philosotaku

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Re: Payment as Due [Short(?) Story Idea]
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2016, 11:00:09 PM »
Yup. Good ol' rags-to-riches romance story.  But in this one the main gal is a spoiled noble and the main guy is super crafty. The whole idea centers around the two making deals or bets and having to pay up at the end of a time frame. As time goes on they keep making bets and the gal ends up wanting the guy around because his bets usually work out in his favor and she wants even. They would build their relationship up through sport and a battle of wits rather than the standard romance and through building that relationships eventually they'd make a bet about marriage. So goes the story.
Everyone is the hero of their own life. But I'm the only main character in the world.
I officially takes commissions for story development. Here's my DA for info:

Offline Zargon_King

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Re: Payment as Due [Short(?) Story Idea]
« Reply #3 on: September 15, 2016, 11:48:50 PM »
That ending really caught me off guard  :D

This will probably end up as a great story.

Philosotaku Could you send me a pm of your Whatsapp number?

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