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Author Topic: Balthazar the Fury  (Read 3208 times)

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Offline NO1SY

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Balthazar the Fury
« on: June 30, 2016, 09:52:20 PM »
BALTHAZAR THE FURY


This is a little exercise I have been working on for a while now. Basically I've always wanted to write a story based on music, and I was listening to a few songs and I started to get some really vivid imagery that seemed to fall in line with a idea I had been sitting on.



So this is the result: The story of Balthazar the Fury, based on three songs. For this I want to share each part with it's corresponding song and lyrics. The songs are HEAVY and involve a lot of screamed vocals, which I appreciate is not for everybody - although some of the imagery came to me from instrumental parts of the songs... so may be worth a listen anyway... But then I also want present a short discussion about each song and the writing and my thought processes as well to explain things like that.



The pieces are written in the 1st person (I initially wrote them in 3rd person but decided that I was able to do the songs more justice in the 1st). Hopefully they are written in a sort of Light Novel format?? (I hope... please inform me if they aren't and how I can correct this...!)



**Disclaimer** - these pieces are a tad violent in nature...



The last thing to note is that Balthazar the Fury was meant to be a part of a larger story at one point, and may-well still be, hence this is going in the develop thread in case I ever come back to this thread and expand from here.



Please enjoy and feel free to leave a comment :)
« Last Edit: June 30, 2016, 10:26:59 PM by NO1SY »

Offline NO1SY

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Re: Balthazar The Fury
« Reply #1 on: June 30, 2016, 09:58:52 PM »
"Pressures"


Lyrics
Spoiler

Their voices search for me through the darkness, yet I feel desire's cold grip upon my heart no more.
My solitude.
My shield.
My armour.
Tested with full force.
I have seen the face of death and I choose not to accept its form.
I have seen the face of death.
An army of demons summoned forth, upon this endless night they swam.
The fire in their eyes, like new Suns shire through the abyss.
I taste the fear.
I see the weakness in their eyes.
They cannot hide as I devour all.
As the mountains crack and the oceans boil, a fury-tempered heart is forged.
Within the flames, this current of corruption will cease.
I taste the fear.
I see the weakness in their eyes.
They cannot hide as I devour all.
An army of demons summoned forth.
Upon this endless night they swarm.
The fire in their eyes, like new Suns shine trough the abyss.
I have seen the face of death.
I have seen the face of death and I choose not to accept its form.
My solitude.
My shield.
My armour.
Tested with full force.
Their voices search for me through the darkness, yet I feel desire's cold grip upon my heart no more.



Story
Spoiler

“Kill them all.”

“Slay the demons.”

“For our great city.”

“Find your glory.”

“Earn your fame.”

The voices searched for me through a dark haze of red.

“Fame” and “Glory”, for warding off a horde of demons, what more could a warrior ask for? Esteemed General Janus knew what I desired most when asking me to join his campaign. The words crept down to my heart and gripped it in cold steel - like the rest of my body.

I, Balthazar, was prepared.

I had come to this battlefield aside an army one-thousand strong. But in this moment, in the calm before the storm, I found myself standing in solitude in the haze, completely focused on myself and what was to come.

I took a deep breath in, inflating myself within my thick armour to stand tall and proud. Exhaling, I could see the steam leave my mouth and be swept away into the wind as I raised my helmet up through it, pulling it down snuggly onto my head by the metal horns that curved down on either side. My long, straight, white hair spilled out from below.

Loosening the leather strap that attached it to my back, I swung my greatsword around in front of me, catching the hilt and letting it’s sheath fall away from my wolf-fur clad shoulders. I would wield my weapon with the ferocity of such a beast.



The battleground was a coast. The setting sun dropped below a backdrop of mountains in the distance; the last of the day’s light shimmering hues of orange and red as it was carried to shore on the surface of the sea to the North. The shadows cast by surrounding huts grew longer until they consumed the ground.

With the last light extinguished, the endless night began.

From the shadows the demons rose. More and more summoned forth from behind doors and rocks and trees, until they swarmed surrounded me. Then they made their advance.

I took off to meet them, charging head-first into the jaws of darkness sword in tow, the tip dragging through the ground behind me.

The wall of twisted beings was fast approaching. Their claws outstretched, aiming to impale and slash.

I lept.

The swarm crumbled under the force from where I landed. With all my might I swung my heavy blade, the momentum cleaved three torsos from their lower bodies.

The sword crashed into the ground behind me at the end of my swing as blood splattered across my face. But I did not let up. I twisted my body around and launched the blade up over my shoulder, bringing it crashing down in front of me, rending a foe in half from head to toe. It’s orange eyes faded, like dying suns in the abyss, as they fell away.

The musky smell of blood and dust fuelled my fury. I continued to hack, slash and spin, cutting down my countless enemies the moment they hesitated.

I could tell that I was salivating at the mouth; I could taste their fear. I could see the weakness in their eyes. Now was not the time to be concerned with composure, they could not hide as I devoured all.

In the distance, the mountains began to crack, bleeding red such as the demons. The ocean began to boil as if heated by my own rage.



However, suddenly, mid-swing, my onslaught was halted by a pulse that shook me from my core. A ringing, like the striking of a mighty anvil, resonated through me from somewhere deep within.

But I shook it off.

Regaining my poise I beheaded yet another foul demon. Yet as I turned to strike once more I was one again stopped by another tremendous beat, and the ringing through my body brought me to a knee.

I looked up just in time to catch a demon galloping at me brandishing a long weapon. I shoved my blade, which I was using as a support, to the side to deflect the attack and then drew it upwards, skewering the on-coming foe through the chest. With an earth-shaking roar and all of my strength, I lifted the impaled demon up into the air on the tip of my mighty sword, over my head and down into the ground again.

As the sword passed through and buried into the dirt, I was hit with yet another ringing pulse, this time much more powerful than the last. It was as if a blacksmith’s hammer had struck my steely heart; the flames from the furnace spreading through my veins.

It hit me so hard that I was unable to remain standing, collapsing me to both knees. I struggled to stay upright, clasping the hilt of my sword - now stuck in the ground through the chest of my foe.

The haze began to lift.



All around lay piles of bloodied and mutilated villagers. Foot-soldiers from Janus’ army prodded around with their swords and spears to make sure that their were no survivors. Wooden huts of a fishing village either spat sparks as fires roared inside, or lay broken, charred and collapsed.

My attention fell to my front however. I stared in horror as I realised that pinned to the ground through the chest by my blade, bleeding and broken and barely breathing, lay no beast or demon or monster, but a little girl. The sight churned my stomach in a way that I had never felt on any battlefield before, despite all the horrors that I had seen. Just what had they set me upon?

My eyes, trembling and clouded by the welling up of tears, made their way along her stick thin arm to her hand, where she grasped not a weapon, but a broken stick to which had been tied a ragged white cloth. Against the muddy ground and the blood and the ash, I had never seen something look so pure white.

With the last remaining threads of her strength the little girl tried to lift the little white flag to me. She could barely raise her hand off of the ground, but I managed to catch it before it could drop again.

“Save us.” she muttered painfully and quietly, but her words found me through the last of the lingering darkness.

I could feel streams of tears cutting through the cake of blood and dirt on my cheeks. For a moment I held the flag in her hand with her, her tiny fist sheltered within mine.



But then it was pulled away. I quickly grabbed the flag to prevent it falling as one of Janus’ spearmen stepped on the girls arm and lifted his spear, ready to finish her off.

I didn’t hesitate. Before the man could drive down his spear, and with a terrifying roar I had him lifted off of his feet, dangling and twitching as my ironclad hand crushed his neck. Within moments, the body went limp and I tossed it aside.

Janus’ men exchanged whispers and worried looks with one another. Warily they began to encircle me, weapons at the ready. This was the real army of demons.

I snarled as I stared them all down. They meant to kill me? These snivelling runts? If they were the face of death, then I chose not to accept it’s form.

This night, I had known solitude. My mighty sword was to become an impenetrable shield. My armour was as thick as ever. I had been tested with full force. Now my fury-tempered heart had been fully forged, burning away the cold grip of vain desire that once took hold there.

I was more than ready to fight once more; to take them all on. But truly, there was only one man that I really wanted to answer for all of this… the only man I could not see. I looked down at the little girl, who had already left this battlefield. I laid the flag down with her once more and then stood taller than I had ever stood before.

I clenched my fists, as the ring of soldiers closed in and I began his charge, I roared from the deepest pits of my disgust, “JANUS!”




Discussion
Spoiler

Parkway Drive’s “Pressures” opens with distant, echoey, wet-room styled vocals. From the lyrics I instantly imagined a person all alone, hearing voices in the dark. I knew from the idea I had about Balthazars overall story that he was going to be manipulated and set upon an innocent victim, and Parkway’s notions of “desire” and “corruption” within this song fit quite well with that. And when the song opens up, galloping into the verse about an army of demons, summoned forth on an endless night, I started to get these ideas about how what he thinks he is seeing and what is actually happening are actually two different things, and he is kind of blinded by this haze of desire for promises of glory and fame.

Obviously this let me be a bit more explicit with the fight scenes with use of fantasy violence, and the horde of demons is a pretty solid image in itself that I could lift straight from the lyrics. What is great about this style of Metalcore is that there is a very driving rhythmic backbone to songs that really partners well with battle writing! I had very little problem picturing the march of a swarm during the fast paced verse or the swings of a great-sword while listening to the mid verse break-downs.

One of my favourite parts of the song is “As the mountains crack and the oceans boil, a fury-tempered heart is forged.” I love these lyrics, just image-wise. I got this image of a heart being formed within lava to a backdrop of volcanoes spilling into the sea. But for Balthazar I wanted the forging to be him coming out from his haze; his fury gradually being directed inward in sub-conscious self-disgust as it melts away the corrupting and cold grip that Janus’ words have on his heart.

“Pressures” is a song that utilises a lot of repetition. Musically, many people dislike this, but I actually find it to be quite punctuating and also great for writing when you want something to come full cycle. Balthazar, now awake and aware of what he has done, is going to lash out in retaliation. There is this chanted part in the song which reads “My solitude, my shield, my armour. Tested with full force.” which repeats towards the end of the song, and over the course of this battle, this is true for Balthazar (with his sword now being used to defend the place from the army - the shield.) and I don’t feel I could have written things this way had these lyrics not repeated after the start of the song… so I guess I’m lucky that they allowed my idea to make sense!

Obviously, there are some lyrics that I feel I couldn’t do justice or fit in properly. “I have seen the face of death, and I choose not to accept it’s form” is an example of this where I feel I may have just tacked it on… but I really like the line so I had to find some way to put it in there!

Something I feel I didn’t quite get across well enough is the significance of the ‘demons’ eyes as part of my telling of this story. I always felt that “New suns’ shine through the abyss” was surprisingly positive sounding for such a song and didn’t really fit with the imagery with demons. But when the demons aren’t really demons… when they are good and innocent people with hope in their eyes that is being snuffed out by corruption… well that makes more sense! at least to me… I feel I could have perhaps portrayed this a little better in my writing, but it still turned out ok.


« Last Edit: July 04, 2016, 08:11:53 PM by NO1SY »

Offline NO1SY

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Re: Balthazar The Fury
« Reply #2 on: June 30, 2016, 10:03:02 PM »
"Swing"


Lyrics
Spoiler

This soul was born for battle
My heart was built for war
These eyes see through the lies
Filled with disgust
Strip back the utopian rhetoric
And you'll find a sickness at the core
A septic carcass rotting out
Filled with disgust
We are the dead
Empty lives, empty heads
Guilty is as guilty *censored*ing does
Filled with disgust
All we have to believe are the lies that they feed us
All we have to choose is the right to obey
Pray this time will be our mark on history
When the shadow games and agendas
Are wiped the *censored* away
There is no such thing as different shades of truth
It's black or white, do or die
Filled with disgust
You tie your noose with your lies but the world keeps turning
"Swing low" we cry but the world keeps turning
Turning without you
It keeps turning without you
'Cause all we have to believe
Are the lies that they feed us
Born for battle
All we have to choose is the right to obey
Built for war
This soul was born for battle
My heart was built for war
Swing *censored*s
End it
Built for war
Built for *censored*ing war



Story
Spoiler

My body was exhausted. It hurt everywhere.

I had fought for what seemed like days, pouring out my fury through my fists. My soul was born for battle, it was the only way I knew how to make amends.

But I had not the stamina left to match their numbers. So now I trudged in tow, a prisoner bound for the city, the white walls of which now loomed ahead.

“The perfect city” they called it. A place of peace and prosperity, no hunger and no hate. I always felt out of place here, I thought it a place not suited for a heart built for war.

But as they dragged me through the streets in chains, I saw the place for what it was, these opened eyes stripping the utopian rhetoric away.

The sterile streets were no more than a rotting carcass - what villages burned to make way for them?

The people in their homes eating lies off of their tables - what food was wrestled from the hands of farmers to feed the masses?

The soldiers in the streets going commendations for protecting the shadow games and agendas - What peoples were offered a choice between oppression or submission?

They may as well be the dead, with empty lives and empty heads. But they must live that way to avoid the fact that they know that they are filled with disgust, they know that they are guilty.



I was pulled into the town plaza, where a stage had been set with an executioner’s block. A crowd had gathered, they did not see such things often in this city.

A handful of governors stood on the stage, impatient to exact punishment on the man that turned on their army and decimated half of their force. But still no General Janus…

The soldier yanked on my chain, forcing me to stagger up the steps to the stage. He was not a strong man, but I had not the energy to resist. The governors gasped and began muttering amongst themselves as they took heed of my height once I rose to their level.

As the soldier positioned me behind the block I flashed him a glare that would unnerve the most proud of men, despite my fatigue. After ordering me to kneel he shrunk away quickly, making sure to take large paces backwards to add distance.

Two soldiers, wielding an executioner’s greatsword each, marched up and took positions either side of me.

But first the lord governor of the city had some words for the benefit of everyone present.

“Balthazar. You were a proud and noble warrior, unmatched across the land and with ambition like no other. We gave you an opportunity to achieve great honour and fame by aiding our glorious city in maintaining what we have built. Like we asked those villagers, we asked you to believe in our vision. Like we gave those villagers, we gave you the chance to choose the right to obey. But like those villagers, who refused to oblige in sharing the prosperity that the sea was bringing them, you refused to join with us. They swung low, like you did, praying to make their mark on history that must never be. And now, just like those villagers, our world must keep on turning without you.”

He nodded at the two soldiers, who turned inwards to face me. They readied their blades, poised to lift them up high despite their weight, as a priest began his recitation of the execution ceremony.



However, I had no intention of listening to such drivel.

“Swing,” I said, staring straight at the floor.

The priest paused, not quite catching what I had said, and tried to resume.

“Swing,” I repeated.

They all looked at each other, puzzled. The priest getting agitated at being interrupted again.

“Swing.”

The priest slammed his book shut, and proceeded to tut, evidently disapproving of my disinterest.

“Swing.”

The soldiers shuffled their feet to centre themselves in preparation to lift their swords. But they looked at each other with a raised brow, confused by my instruction.

“Swing!”

Riled, they lifted the swords, albeit a bit shakily without the proper strength to wield such weapons.

“SWING!”

They hesitated.

“END IT!”



The blades swung, but they did not cut. Instead they struck hardened metal atop my previously bare neck, and then the stage was engulfed by an eruption of flame.

Amidst the flames I stood up, the swords falling away with their lifeless holders.

I watched as flames crawled from my back and down along my arm, licking around my muscles and burning away my prisoner’s rags, before taking form as dark, ember-imbued metal.

The flames clad me in new armour; boots, legs, gauntlets, chest, pauldrons, and helm with horns. The metal was twisted and flowing, and it did not seem to merely sit atop my skin, it had become me, I had become it, it breathed as I breathed. I had truly been built for war.

I roared. An earthshakingly powerful roar. The flames on the stage swept outwards, spreading throughout the plaza. Stalls burned. Buildings burned. People Burned. But guilty is as guilty does, there was no shades of grey here, they tied their own nooses and now I was going to wipe it all away. All of it.

I stepped from the stage, which was now collapsing into a charred heap, and continued out into the streets. The flames followed, and the immolation continued.

At the gates I was met by two guardsmen, rife with confusion and anxiety as they watched the flames engulf their city. They scurried to readiness as I approached, brandishing their poll-arms at me in a panicked manner.

I held my up-turned hand in front of me. The fire formed within it, my fury formed within it. Before the guards could take a step I took the fire and punched it into the ground.

The ground fissured in a wide cone, with a fiery armoury of weapons erupting from the depths. The guards were both skewered by spears and swords, and swallowed by the burning pit.

The gates were next.



Atop a hill I gathered my bearings and began to head North; I had work to do in reparation back in that direction, and respects to pay.

I strode onwards without once turning back to look at the smoke rising from the ruined city. The rot had been cleared here, but it still festered somewhere else… and I had to find it.




Discussion
Spoiler

“Swing” is a slightly more progressive song from Parkway Drive, not quite conforming to a normal or repetitive song structure (… as repetitive…). Therefore the focus was on this part being a bit more transformative and non-cyclical.

Before sitting to think about it properly, the only parts of the song that mattered to me for this story were the pre-breakdown chant of “Swing” and the launching into the subsequent breakdown. I knew from the first time I linked the song and story in my head: Balthazar is going to be looking straight at the executioner and telling him “You better swing and end it or I will end you!”, before the song launches into the breakdown and the world is engulfed in fire. I encapsulated this imagery pretty well i think (obviously I avoided the screaming out of profanity…) but in particular I had a bit of trouble with the placement of “END IT”. The phrase can be taken to mean “End the corruption” in the context of the song, but has a kind of double meaning within the context of the story, where Balthazar is goading the executioners. But I think with this placement the meaning from the song’s context still holds true, as somehow, subconsciously Balthazar has made up his resolve that he is going to remove the corruption in the world and although he taunts the executioner, no blade is going to stop him.

It wasn’t until I sat and studied the lyrics for the whole song that I realised how well that it tied in overall aside from those two parts. There are running themes of seeing past corruption and lies often surrounding utopian ideals. How people simply living without questioning and speaking out because they get to live their lives makes them just as guilty as the masterminds. Balthazar see through it all now and feels compelled to do something about it. “Swing” refers to “Swing Low” which is a term used to describe underdogs taking back freedom and control - so once again Balthazar’s taunts could be considered just self motivation to carry on and do something.

The lyrics “This soul was born for battle, my heart was built for war” are once again ones that I don’t feel particularly fit in with the song, but I’m happy there are there! They make a freakin cool line! They also invoke some awesome imagery of something war-machine like. This inspired Balthazar’s transformation, following the ‘re-forging’ of his heart. I have a thing for the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, especially the 2nd - War… and concept arts (and Warframe…) definitely inspired this transformation too, and the manipulation of fire; an element often associated with War, and weapons. Something that came from my idea more than the song with this part is the walking off with the city burning in the background, I was just lucky the song brings up rotting carcasses and wiping everything away!



Offline NO1SY

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Re: Balthazar The Fury
« Reply #3 on: June 30, 2016, 10:07:42 PM »
"Blood On My Knuckles"


Lyrics
Spoiler

Face your wrath

I followed your shadow
to the devil's lair
Upon a pale horse,
pierced, gaunt and red
Trampling the chests of demons
and not looking back
The weight of redemption on my shoulders
when you said;

"I would give you more gold than you could fit in your fists,
the entire world is at your fingertips."

Face your rage
and your hounds will turn on their own
With each nail
I will break your every bone

Black and blue color my skin;
that smirk leaves your face
Reciprocated tenfold
when I break your curse
Hoisted up and bound by a traitor
I left him in a field;
his insides feed the birds

"I would give you more gold than you could fit in your fists,
the entire world is at your fingertips."

Face your rage
'Wrath' is too weak a word

When I rise your fate is sealed
There will be nothing left but the blood on my knuckles

'Wrath' is too weak a word
Face your rage
and your hounds will turn on their own
With these nails
I will break your every bone



Story
Spoiler

I stood staring out to sea from my newly hardened visage.

Behind me lay the ashes of the fishing village. I had dug the blackened dirt and made graves for my victims. The little girl’s lay closest to the sea, headed by my once great sword; the little white cloth tied firmly around it’s hilt.

It was time to find the devil.



I followed his shadow for several days, but I eventually found his lair. A mercenary camp; oh how the mighty had fallen.

Two of Janus’ thugs patrolled the wooden outer walls on horseback. They would be my message.

With large paces I closed the distance on the horsemen, so that they could not work up a substantial charge. They both drew their swords and spurred their horses into a trot however.

I summoned forth a sword from fire, which materialised in my hand, as the first rider made his approach. He attempted to swing his sword down as he passed, but with a simple side-step his strike slashed nothing but thin air, and I was able to retaliate.

I struck him across that back, searing through his plate vest. Losing posture he fell back off of his horse. Obviously in agony, the demon patted around for his dropped blade. Stepping on his chest I put a stop to his writhing.

His companion had given himself a wider birth to begin a charge from behind. However the rumbling of the ground from his horse’s gallop betrayed his intentions. I snapped around, snatching him from his saddle by his neck.

I turned around and observed his horse; pale in colour and gaunt, bloodied and wounded. What a sorry sight.

I burned the man as I held him up behind me.



I sent the camp a burnt offering on top of the sickly horse, forcing open the gates and letting the sluggish beast amble inside.

Ten paces behind I could hear the men gasp in horror and the hounds begin to bark. Janus’ hounds were his pride and joy, and deadly and devastating for his foes.

“What is the cause of all of this commotion?” The familiar hoarse voice of the previously esteemed general boomed as he exited his tent in the middle of the camp. His once pristine face now looked aged as stubble grew uncontrolled, covering his square jaw. His brown hair fell unkept down the sides of his head.

He peered up at the horse and the burned body that mounted it, the sight causing his face to screw up as if he had eaten a sour fruit. And then he saw past the horse. He saw me.

His face dropped and the colour drained from it in the blink of an eye. His usually purse lips drooped and quivered uncontrollably. His firm brow sank as if trying to hide.

“B-b-b-Balthazar!?” He looked shiftily around at his surrounding men. “Wh-w-What are you doing here?”

The mercenaries began to draw their weapons, but I called forth a wall of fire in a ring around Janus and I to halt their advance.

“You cur!” Janus scowled. “Fine then… You shall face my wrath.”

He put his forefinger and thumb to his lips and whistled sharply. From his tent, his two barking dogs emerged. They were enormous beasts, rising to the hip, with jaws lined with sharp fangs ready to rip something apart. They snarled; the fur on their backs spiking up, lowering their bodies, ready to charge in.

“I was your wrath, Janus.”

I stared down the growling hounds. They barked and snapped their teeth at me, each time the cinders within my armour began glowing brighter, but they dared not make a move.

Slowly, the beasts turned about-face, turning on their own.

“Wha-!? What is this? Attack him you mongrels! Attack Balthazar!” Janus wailed.

The hounds backed up to me, still snarling, in a protective stance.



“Go.” I commanded, tearing down the walls of flame as I made my advance. They leapt into action, bounding from man to man, tearing into limbs, severing necks.

“Balthazar… think about what you are doing…” Janus trembled with a fake smile as the cries of his men echoed throughout the camp.

“I will give you more gold than you can fit in your fist!” I did not stop.

“With your might and my mind, the entire world could be ours! It’s right at our fingertips for the taking!” I did not stop.

“Your fate was sealed the moment I rose from your trance.” I informed the silver-tongued coward, the smirk leaving his face.

“Raaaaaaaarrrrggggghhh” Janus cried as he hurtled towards me with a desperate strike with his jewelled sword.

I batted it away with ease, the sword ringing as it bounced along the ground. I followed up with a flurry of blows, all the while thinking of what had transpired in that little village. I would reciprocate it ten-fold.

“Wrath…” I said, slamming a right hook into his lower ribs. They responded with a satisfying crack.

“… is too…” I blocked a wild swing and struck Janus across the face with the back of my fist.

“…weak a…” A punch square in the diaphragm knocked the wind out of him.

“…word.” I growled, connecting an uppercut straight with his nose. Janus groaned, barely able to breath as he fell to his knees.

My knuckles laced with his blood, I grabbed him by his hair and lifted his sagging head. Coming down to his level, I looked him in the blackened eyes.

“Face your rage.”



I dragged the broken Janus out from his camp into the fields. He moaned and flailed but could barely muster up a fight.

When the only thing I could hear was the wind, I knelt him down in the dirt.

Letting all of my fury and all of my fire flow from me, fire began to rise from my body. Wisps of flame rose up and formed an array of weapons, hovering in the air above the defeated man; one for each of the 63 bodies that I buried.

The release felt relieving, but the best was yet to come.

“Goodbye, Janus.” I spoke without a shred of remorse.

The flame-forged weapons rained down upon the man, impaling him every which way into the ground until not much of a body was left.

As birds began circling overhead, eager to feed, I walked away from battle for good.

But I still remained the fury.




Discussion
Spoiler

Now I’m not too sure what Phinehas’ “Blood on my knuckles” is actually about… from what I can tell its an alternate version of Jesus who doesn’t turn the other cheek… But despite the potentially touchy subject matter there are two things about the song:

1. The main lick (opening guitar) is absolutely awesome! It really brings to mind images of an outcast/drifter wandering with the goal of revenge.
2. It doesn’t leave too much to think about too hard if you want to write a revenge fight scene! (even the breakdowns feel like a beat down!)

There was imagery I obviously wasn’t going to use… crucifixion and a bloodied, pierced and famished man riding a pale horse to meet his foe…. but there were a few things. To me, Balthazar has always had hounds in his story. But how did he get them!? Well, now he was able to use his sheer furious presence to turn them against their previous owner. “I would give you more gold…” that line is obviously very self explanatory, but it’s good that the song is in keeping with the idea that someone would try to bride their way out of a bloody confrontation.

Obviously there are two main stand out lines “Face your Rage” and “Wrath is too weak a word.” that conjure up such intense imagery of raw anger and emotion. But I always found it interesting that it was “face YOUR rage”. It fit great with the fact that Balthazar was manipulated by Janus and used as Janus’ rage against others, and now Janus was having to face it himself.

Unfortunately a line I really like - “I followed your shadow” - I found very difficult to expand upon… maybe if I every feel like re-writing this I will look for a way to make it really feel like Janus has left a shadow in his wake that Balthazar is having to follow.


« Last Edit: July 06, 2016, 08:13:59 AM by NO1SY »

Offline MahluaandMilk

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Re: Balthazar The Fury
« Reply #4 on: June 30, 2016, 10:17:01 PM »
Damn, man. Those song sound sick, although I grant that I haven't listened to them yet. This is also the first time I've read your writing, and your imagery for battle is amazing. I love it! You like, took power metal (using that loosely because again, I haven't listened to the tracks) from a music art form to a literary one. This kinda makes me want to write something with an epic fight scene...although I'd probably listen to Sabaton for that.

(Goes to open "Pressures".)

:ohmy: Oh wow. I like. I might nab some of this roundabout whenever I getting some Powerwulf and more Hammerfall (and the new Sabaton album, of course.)

Something about good metal really brings up ideas of warfare, doesn't it? My, though, what I wouldn't give to have a warrior like that in my legion. (Chuckles) moral of the story kids, never invoke the wrath of a true warrior at heart..
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Offline NO1SY

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Re: Balthazar The Fury
« Reply #5 on: June 30, 2016, 10:23:59 PM »
Thanks for giving the thread a look Mahlua :)

I'm glad you enjoy my battle writing, although I can't profess to be an expert I do find writing gritty and detailed fights fun.

Also links to my other works on the site can be found in my signature! So check them out if you want :)

I dunno about "good metal really brings up ideas of warfare", but there are definitely some songs that just really go well with that sort of imagery. And of course, if you are gonna listen to power-metal bands or 'war-metal' bands then it doesn't leave too much to the imagination :P

I would warn you not to expect power-metal if you are going to listen to these tracks though!

And yeah... The initial story idea came about by basically sitting down one day and thinking... "I want to think up a character that could rival War... or even become it himself." And well here ya go!
« Last Edit: June 30, 2016, 10:29:12 PM by NO1SY »

Offline MahluaandMilk

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Re: Balthazar The Fury
« Reply #6 on: June 30, 2016, 10:41:29 PM »
I would warn you not to expect power-metal if you are going to listen to these tracks though!

Well, yeah, I was surprised a bit by them. I have difficulty placing things into exact genres so I have no idea what to do with these, ahaha. I'll hop around and give some of your other stuff a shot after this, definitely.

Maybe it's not so much your battle writing so much as your ability to keep a mood with certain words strewn in to do the artist thing with people's heads. The example that comes to mind is in the last story, round abouts "His once pristine face now looked aged as stubble grew uncontrolled, covering his square jaw. His brown hair fell unkept down the sides of his head." The word choice is excellent and focused.
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Offline NO1SY

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Re: Balthazar the Fury
« Reply #7 on: June 30, 2016, 10:45:12 PM »
Why thank you kindly :)

well I don't really know where that comes from really... I just have always enjoyed descriptive creative writing, you just build up a vocabulary after a while I guess!? I always imagine what I write as a scene in a movie or as if I were role-playing or acting, so that helps to keep the mood and tone consistent I think.


And the genre for these 3 songs would be "Metalcore" or "Melodic Metalcore" (similar style as Killswitch Engage, August Burns Red, Soilwork etc etc)
« Last Edit: June 30, 2016, 10:51:01 PM by NO1SY »

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Re: Balthazar the Fury
« Reply #8 on: June 30, 2016, 10:54:52 PM »
I guess I have the same thing in regards to my writing, although years of roleplaying has left me with a more...let's just call it interesting (cough)nsfw(cough) vocabulary.

And this is where I recede back into my garbage bin and slowly lower the lid over my head.

Anyway, I thought it was Something-Core, but I wasn't sure. Thanks for the clarification. (Sadly, though, I haven't the slightest idea who those bands are...)
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Offline NO1SY

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Re: Balthazar the Fury
« Reply #9 on: June 30, 2016, 10:58:20 PM »
:o Not even Killswitch!? I never understand how people don't know who Killswitch are...

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Re: Balthazar the Fury
« Reply #10 on: July 01, 2016, 04:40:11 AM »
Dude! Great work! I've been toying with a workshop idea like this. Post a song and people have to derive a story from it using the lyrics, tone and melody. You've made it work no problem.


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Re: Balthazar the Fury
« Reply #11 on: July 01, 2016, 05:36:54 AM »
Perhaps I could do something like that...  :hmm: I know OGHM's been incorporating music into his literature for quite some time now (with the occasional art and what-nots), though there lacks a workshop to post such things appropriately  :ninja:
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Offline NO1SY

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Re: Balthazar the Fury
« Reply #12 on: July 01, 2016, 05:40:05 AM »
^^I was thinking about starting a workshop like that!

Been holding off though because I don't know if I wanna do a "Write a story based on music" thread where people choose their own, or "Write a story for the song posted above" type thing were it's like you write a piece and then post a new song for someone else to write for. It'll be really cool for getting people to think a bit about pieces of music though :)

And cheers dude! Been wanting to share something on MR for ages now! I'm happy I finally have something to contribute...

Offline legomaestro

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Re: Balthazar the Fury
« Reply #13 on: July 01, 2016, 08:05:01 PM »
Pretty epic writing to fit the songs No1sey, you totally nailed the themes methinks. I could only listen to the last song because of youtube restrictions but dude it fit so well! I feel like he should've ridden in on his own horse to be that more intimidating, but it still works way too well.

Man, the guy being cooked by hundreds of falling swords. That among many things really strikes something in the mind. Great imagery man and serious props! Well done!

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Re: Balthazar the Fury
« Reply #14 on: July 04, 2016, 07:16:11 AM »
Some awesome writing dude! Love the writing for the fight scenes especially!

The themes certainly fit but I can lose a lil bit of focus when the vocals kick in while I'm reading. Still, this would make a really good workshop. I find it inspirational to have a soundtrack for stories I'm writing so it would be a great way to test out what music is most effective for individual writers.