May 24, 2019, 11:30:01 PM

------------------------------------------

If you have Login Problems Use the Login in Top Menu Bar


------------------------------------------
If you have a problem registering here, Leave a msg at our FB Page >> Here.

Plz Don't use Hotmail to Register. You might not receive Activation mail. Use Other free mail provider like Gmail or Yahoo.






Author Topic: Writing Tidbit for Double Edge  (Read 803 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Aozora

  • The Not-So-Prolific Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 641
  • Gender: Male
  • Occasional writing - feel free to review
    • View Profile
Writing Tidbit for Double Edge
« on: February 13, 2015, 09:36:00 PM »
Wassup guys. I know everyone says the golden rule is to finish a story first before starting another one. But hey, I was bored so I decided to write a little bit for one of my story ideas. Let me know what you guys think. The name of the story is Double Edge. You can find the plot synopsis and what I have so far for chapter 1 below.

Side Note: I decided to try out the script/screenplay style rather than writing in regular novel prose. Let me know how you guys like it and if it's easy to read. Dialogue is highlighted in blue.

Plot:
Spoiler
This is a story of morality and ethics. Renowned human rights activist, philanthropist, and Renaissance man (he's good at everything), Brad makes it his lifelong crusade to "save humanity". Brad was inspired by his father, a brilliant scientist known for his invention of a cure for a deadly disease, who suffered a sudden and mysterious death. He quickly realizes that his efforts to help humanity are constantly hindered by bureaucracy, corruption, etc. and decides to become a vigilante to bypass these roadblocks. With money and power, he builds a bionic suit for himself and imposes social change with force and violence. Can one proclaim himself as humanity's "savior"? Is it okay to impose what you believe is good through force and violence? Who decides what is good and bad, right and wrong? What motivates one to do good deeds?

Chapter 1:
Spoiler
FADE IN:

EXT. AMAZON FOREST – DAY

Wounded and tired, BRAD, middle-aged American, sits perched against a tree trunk alone in the Amazon Forest. Trees and plants all around, sunlight shines on him. He wears a golden robotic suit that is battered and worn.

NARRATION (BRAD’s voice)
It’s interesting how we always end up regretting something when it’s too late.

He removes his wallet from a bag full of supplies, and takes out a picture of his family, wife and three children, while clutching the bloody wound on his abdomen in pain. He looks at it endearingly, eyes welling up with tears.

NARRATION
I don’t know if we’re born with it or if it’s something we develop over time…this basic human flaw, where we’re too stubborn to realize our own mistakes.

He looks up at the sky and sun through the trees. The light illuminates his face and his tears glisten.

NARRATION
You’re probably wondering who the hell I am and how I got here. And if you're not...I'm gonna tell you anyways.

TRANSITION TO:

INT. KINGSLEY HOME, FAMILY ROOM – DAY

A cameraman gestures to a family sitting on a couch. The family, consisting of BRAD as an infant and his parents, adjust their positions on the couch in response to the cameraman’s gestures.

TRANSITION TO:

Close up view of BRAD sitting on the couch. He sucks his thumb while sitting on his mother’s lap. 

NARRATION
That’s me, Brad Kingsley. I was born in 2015 in Boston, Massachusetts to an upper-middle class family - nothing too special.

TRANSITION TO:

Close up view of BRAD’s mother. She sits with a poised posture and wears a pleasant smile.

NARRATION
That’s my mother, Anna Kingsley, a teacher at the local elementary school. I don’t remember much about her because she passed away when I was three. But from what I knew and heard, she was extremely beautiful and nice.

TRANSITION TO:

Close up view of BRAD’s father. He sits upright and stiff.

NARRATION
My father, Devin Kingsley, was an epidemiologist working for Orion National Laboratory, one of the largest government funded research institutions in the world. He was an up and coming scientist building a solid reputation for himself. If I had to describe him, I’d say he was a good man…or so I had thought for the longest time. He also had a habit of never smiling in photos.

TRANSITION TO:

INT. KINGSLEY HOME, MASTER BEDROOM – NIGHT

BRAD, as a toddler, sits in his parents’ bed laughing while his parents tickle and play with him.

NARRATION
We had a normal, happy life. Everything was going well for us until…

INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT

BRAD, 4-years-old, stands in the hospital hallway, gazing into a hospital room while tears run down his face. Family members around him also mourn and cry. Inside the room, his father weeps loudly over his mother’s dead body.

NARRATION
My mother passed away. She had contracted a deadly virus that completely shuts down the immune system by attacking white blood cells and antibodies – the Skiles virus. We were all devastated but my father was affected the most.

TRANSITION TO:

INT. LABORATORY – NIGHT

DEVIN, Brad’s father, crouches over looking into a microscope, while jotting down notes in a notebook.

NARRATION
My mother’s death completely changed my father. He decided to dedicate his entire life to finding a cure for the Skiles virus, not only because it took my mother’s life, but also because it had grown into a full blown epidemic, resulting in 400,000 deaths in the first year itself. He would spend hours in the lab, rarely ever coming home.

TRANSITION TO:

EXT. MEDICAL CAMP IN AFRICA – DAY

DEVIN passes out supplies to impoverished African children and adults.

NARRATION
He also became known for his humanitarian work, often traveling to impoverished parts of the world to help those infected with the Skiles virus.

TRANSITION TO:

INT. UNCLE DAN’S HOUSE, DINING TABLE – DAY

BRAD, now in his adolescent years, sits at the dining table, eating his breakfast morosely, while his uncle, DAN, tries to cheer him up with conversation.

NARRATION
While my father went on these trips, I would often stay with my mother’s younger brother,              
(MORE)

NARRATION (CONT’D)
Uncle Dan. In many ways, he was like the father I never had. He didn’t have a family of his own. So, he would often treat me like his own son.

TRANSITION TO:

INT. LABORATORY - NIGHT

DEVIN, appearing older with lots of gray hair, looks into his microscope and then lifts his head in amazement. He then jots notes furiously into his notebook.

NARRATION
After years of painstaking work, my father finally did it. He found the cure to the Skiles virus.

TRANSITION TO:

INT. PHARMACY STORE – DAY

A store clerk fills the shelves of the store with the same drug repeatedly.

NARRATION
My father developed the cure into a consumable drug for everyday use. Immediately after receiving government approval, the drug, which my father named Amaduren, was picked up by pharmaceutical companies across the globe and filled the shelves of every pharmacy.

TRANSITION TO:

INT. AUDITORIUM STAGE - NIGHT   

DEVIN stands at a podium lifting a trophy and smiling at crowds of people.

NARRATION
Two years later, my father was awarded the Nobel Prize in Medicine for developing the cure for the Skiles virus, in addition to his humanitarian work. He received a number of other accolades and honors, as well.

TRANSITION TO:

INT. KINGSLEY HOME, FAMILY ROOM – DAY

BRAD, 14, and his father sit in the family room together watching basketball on TV. He appears happy, smiling and chatting while his father slouches apathetically.

NARRATION
After accomplishing his life goal, my father finally settled down, working less and spending more time at home. But there was something off about him. He just seemed too dull for someone who just won the Nobel Prize.

TRANSITION TO:

INT. KINGSLEY HOME, STUDY ROOM - NIGHT
   
On the second floor of his home, BRAD passes by the study room. He stops when he hears muffled sobs and peeks inside the study room to find his father with his head on his desk crying.

NARRATION
One day, I found my father crying to himself in his study. It was weird – the sight. I had never seen my father cry before. I walked in and asked him what was wrong. All he did was look at me with his tear-filled eyes and say this…

DEVIN lifts his head off the desk to look at BRAD, his face wet with tears.

DEVIN
Listen Brad, whatever you do, don’t turn out like me, you understand? Don’t live your life with regret. You need to become someone that helps humanity, selfless and righteous. You’re my legacy, Brad. I can only make up for my sins through you. Promise me. Promise me you’ll help humanity.

BRAD looks at his father, shocked and confused.

NARRATION
I was confused, very confused. A man, who saved millions of people, was claiming to be regretful          (MORE)
   
NARRATION (CONT’D)
and sinful. It didn’t make any sense at all. But I didn’t see the situation appropriate to strike up conversation. So, I did what any good son would do: I promised him that I’d help humanity.

TRANSITION TO:

INT. KINGSLEY HOME, STUDY ROOM – DAY
 
DEVIN hangs lifelessly with his head drooping. A rope connects the noose around his neck to the knot on the study room fan. Photographers and journalists take pictures and jot notes while police inspect the scene.

NARRATION
The morning after, I found my father’s dead body hanging from a ceiling fan. The police concluded he took his own life due to over-exhaustion and pressure from work. However, his death would always remain shrouded in mystery…That was the day, I became an orphan.

« Last Edit: February 16, 2015, 04:26:15 PM by God Usopp »
The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.

Check out my stories here: http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php?topic=12492.msg213349#msg213349

Offline WhiteCrow

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1576
  • Gender: Male
  • Society X Origins undergoing changes
    • View Profile
Re: Writing Tidbit for Double Edge
« Reply #1 on: February 13, 2015, 09:56:12 PM »
Batman/Green Arrow influence.

Offline MangaMan26

  • Writer
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 100
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
Re: Writing Tidbit for Double Edge
« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2015, 11:06:02 PM »
Pretty interesting. I wonder what the father was so ashamed of to end his life. I'm thinking maybe in his past, he may have hurt humanity somehow, or good people, throughout his lifes journey. Sounds pretty dark. Keep at it.

Offline NO1SY

  • Bartender for the MR Pub's Happy Hour!
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2943
  • Gender: Male
  • Life is LOUD!
    • View Profile
Re: Writing Tidbit for Double Edge
« Reply #3 on: February 14, 2015, 12:06:52 AM »
What golden rule!?  :tongue:

@whitecrow - love me a bit of Arrow  :biggrin:

Is the MC just riding off the back of his father's success then? And when he is a vigilante does he go after the bureaucrats and the white collar criminals?... because this often leads to people/groups being labelled as terrorists by those scared of losing money and power...

Offline WhiteCrow

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1576
  • Gender: Male
  • Society X Origins undergoing changes
    • View Profile
Re: Writing Tidbit for Double Edge
« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2015, 12:09:53 AM »
@NO1SEY:   

Cant stand Laurel... but Felicity... that's my wife!

Offline Aozora

  • The Not-So-Prolific Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 641
  • Gender: Male
  • Occasional writing - feel free to review
    • View Profile
Re: Writing Tidbit for Double Edge
« Reply #5 on: February 14, 2015, 12:55:00 AM »
@WhiteCrow: I can see the Batman/Arrow influence in there :hmm:, but this is mainly just based off of daydreams I've had. I don't have anything against Laurel but the woman who plays Felicity is definitely the better actor. I think what annoys people about Laurel is that she always does this gasping/sucking in/deep breathing thing when trying to sound dramatic and sentimental.

@MangaMan26: Glad it intrigued you dude. To be honest, I'm also wondering why his father took his life XD.
Just kidding. I've got some general ideas brewing in my head, but I haven't completely fleshed out the reason behind his suicide yet.

@NO1SEY: Haha, you're right man  ;)

He'll be magnitudes more successful than his father XD to the point that it kind of stretches the boundaries of realistic fiction but I decided to take some leeway on this. After the father's death, I was gonna switch over the focus to the MC and talk about his rise to prominence. Yes, he will go after bureaucrats and white collar criminals as well as the lowly criminals. The downtrodden will consider him a hero but he will be considered a terrorist/menace/etc by those in power, as is the case in most vigilante stories.
The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.

Check out my stories here: http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php?topic=12492.msg213349#msg213349

Offline AmanoMai

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 311
    • View Profile
Re: Writing Tidbit for Double Edge
« Reply #6 on: February 15, 2015, 01:12:44 AM »
what annoys people about Laurel is that she always does this gasping/sucking in/deep

people have gone mad

Offline liuxess

  • Love ya! <3
  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 294
  • Gender: Male
  • I would kill you, but that would stop your pain
    • View Profile
Re: Writing Tidbit for Double Edge
« Reply #7 on: February 15, 2015, 01:20:37 AM »
Pretty nice,  Usopp!
Just don't get ya self working on too manu stuff. Kay?
I don't create stories, I relive them ;)
I'm in development of one right now, so please check it out:
 http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php/topic,15050.0.html
If you want me to check out YOUR story,  just PM me.